Original subtitles

And of course I set it to Icelandic time

because we share a love of the aurora borealis, Gordy.

And you have no idea how to tell time.

Great gift, Dad.

Way to think things through.

Somehow, you’d think that a man who can send a rocket into space

would be able to manage a halfway decent birthday present.

Nope.

You know, Gordy, all things considered,

maybe my gift isn’t so bad after all.

Hey, Gordy. Surprise!

Now, there’s a gift.

Here you go, Gordy.

Happy birthday.

Oh, beautiful, Haley.

Good morning, on what is sure to be a windy one.

We have a high wind warning

for the L.A. County coast and valleys

with some clouds sure to come in around 10:00 a.m.

And even though the high gust warning will

expire mid to late morning, you’ll still want to keep...

The search for a group of missing hikers

is set to resume this morning just outside Agua Dulce.

The tour group went out two days ago

and on the Pacific Crest Trail

but didn’t come back as expected that night.

Crews started searching yesterday morning...

And traffic is already backed up

due to an accident on the southbound 101.

It is 7:44 with Bo and Ives.

Bang.

Bang.

Bang.

Come on.

Down, down. Down, down, down.

Bang! Yes, a good boy.

Up. Up, up.

Okay, up. Up, up.

Got to keep our heads up out the clouds on this one.

I know.

Now, we land this...

Yeah. Like Six Guns.

I mean, we really put on a show, well...

you know they’re gonna bring us back for the sequel.

Well, we sure as hell ain’t got to sell no more horses.

So just execute.

And we ain’t got no more problems.

You good?

You good?

Where your sister?

What’s that about?

- She’s supposed to be here. - Yeah.

Goddamn it.

Thought I told you to fix the damn walker.

You hear that?

Pops.

- Come on, come on. Pop. - Firefly.

- What else? What else? - Ghost.

Beethoven.

- Commodore. - Yeah.

Virgil.

You good. You good. You good. You good.

- You good, man. You good. You good. - Ghost.

Pops?

- Lucky. - Pops.

- Pops. Pops! - Commodore.

OJ.

- Hi, horsie. - Hey. Don’t look him in the eyes, please.

Okay. You ready to do the safety meeting?

I’m gonna need like five...

- My team’s almost here. - Your team’s not here. Okay. Hold.

Sorry, I got the horse guy talking to me, too. What’s up?

- Safety meeting at the... - Copy.

Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Bonnie Clayton on set.

Here she is, everybody.

Take a look at all... of that.

Fynn, this is OJ, our horse trainer.

You remember these guys from Flash Point.

Yeah. Hi.

Your name is... OJ?

Yeah, Otis Junior.

Where’s the o-- the other guy?

- The senior guy? - Dude, he died.

About six months ago.

A bunch of random shit fell out of a plane.

So I guess we’re stuck with Junior over here.

- No. - Yeah.

Okay.

Fuck. Great.

Ant, how we looking?

Yeah, good, if we’re selling a horse’s ass.

That’s...

legendary cinematographer Antlers Holst over here...

Let’s go ahead and spin the horse.

- But you had said “hold”, so... - And now I’m saying “spin”. Let’s go.

Great. And while that’s spinning, can we get makeup?

Get makeup for Ms. Bonnie Clayton, please.

Hold on.

- Can you step away from the back? - They told me to come here.

Good call, OJ.

Tell you what, let’s do a quick safety meeting. Guys,

this is OJ, our horse trainer.

Take it away.

Kill the music, please.

My name is OJ.

I think my sister’s gonna be here in a minute.

Little louder, please. We cannot hear you in the back.

I said, we are animal wranglers

with Haywood Hollywood Horses. And...

did you know the...

- very first assem-- - Hey, yo!

Excuse me. Sorry.

I’m so sorry about that. Let me do that. Sorry, brother.

- Safety meeting. - Yeah.

Hello! How y’all doing?

Sorry for the tardiness.

My name is Emerald, that’s OJ,

and we are your animal wranglers today with Haywood Hollywood Horses.

Now, did you know that the very first

assembly of photographs in sequential order, to create a motion picture,

was a two-second clip of a Black man on a horse?

Yes, it was. Yes, it was. Look it up.

Now, I know you guys know Eadweard Muybridge,

the grandfather of motion pictures who took the pictures that created that clip,

but does anybody know the name of the Black jockey that rode the horse?

No.

Nope? I mean, the very first

stuntman, animal wrangler and movie star all rolled into one,

and there is literally no record of him.

That man was a Bahamian jockey

that went by the name of Alistair E. Haywood.

And he is my... great-great-grandfather.

- Great. - There’s another “great” grandfather.

That’s why back at the Haywood Ranch,

as the only Black-owned horse trainers in Hollywood,

we like to say, “Since the moment pictures could move,

“we had skin in the game.”

All right, let’s get into some safety precautions while we’re on set, shall we?

Number one, please refrain from making any loud noises, sudden movements,

and keep your cell phones off. We’d really appreciate that. Two,

if you see anything that looks or feels unsafe,

contact me, OJ, or your second in chain of command.

And three,

let’s have a great shoot!

And I’m Emerald Haywood. I direct, write, produce, act.

I do a little ♪ Singing on the side. ♪

Motorcycles, baby. Look, I make a mean grilled cheese if you’re looking for crafty.

Just holler at me.

Okay, that was great. That was a lot.

Let’s do a rehearsal. Yeah? Rehearsal?

Rehearsing, we should. We should do one. Rehearsing.

I think he might need a break.

Yeah, we’ll rehearse one first, and then break, yeah?

- Well, I’m ready to do one. - OJ, she’s ready to do one.

Tell the horse we’re ready to do one.

VFX, can we get the ball in here while we have a sec?

- Em. - VFX.

And, OJ, you can step off. Step out. Step off.

- Yeah, yeah. - Step out.

Em?

What’s the horse’s name?

- Lucky. - Lucky.

- Is he? - VFX!

Yeah. Em?

- OJ, let’s step off. - You calling me?

- Hey, hey, hey! - I’m trying to work.

What’d I tell you about that, man?

Hey, hey!

Medic.

Are you okay?

Look, maybe it’s just too soon? Yeah, it’s not the gig. Not ready yet.

Right?

- We need it, man. - No, I know.

Your dad left an enormous hole. I know that.

But don’t worry, there’ll be others.

All right? I’m sorry.

- And... - Sorry.

Just, you tell her sorry.

Thank you for the opportunity.

Come on, now.

Oh, where’s VFX?

Oh, all right. You got it.

Sorry, that was...

So, where am I dropping you?

I’m-a go up with you.

I need to get some shit.

My little girl said, you know,

I could crash at her place, so

- I’ll be gone in the morning. - So I’m gonna drive you back tomorrow?

I can find a ride.

But, I mean, like,

can I get fun OJ out this bitch?

’Cause this wack-ass OJ is really

making me feel like I’m not loved.

Is that how you want your little sister to feel?

What happened to Gold Rush?

Gold Rush went bankrupt.

It’s been this for three years.

Damn.

Howdy, folks. Welcome to Jupiter’s Claim.

Step on up for the wishing well.

Get your Jupe Jangle.

Go on, take a picture at the well.

Cowboys and cowgirls,

just a little heads-up.

Join us Fridays at 5:30 p.m. for the brand-spanking-new

- Jupiter’s Claim Star Lasso Experience. - Come on over to the Sundae Saloon.

Get your ice-cold sarsaparilla.

Look at this. I’ve never seen anything like it.

- Oh, shi-- - Come on.

I’m sorry, y’all. I’m sorry.

- Photo bomb. - You ruined it.

- Yeah, my bad. - Gold, I tell you. They got gold up in here.

Lucky.

Hang tight.

I’ll be back.

Let’s go.

How many you sold?

How many?

Ten.

- You sold ten of Pops’ horses? - I’m gonna get ’em back.

- Can you stay out here? - Why?

I’m developing a business relationship, and you’re a liability right now.

- How am I a liability? - “How are you a lia--”

Don’t promote your fucking side shit on the job.

- Oh, my God. - Actor, singer,

dancer, seamstress, motorcycles.

You want to promote something, promote this business.

No, OJ. No.

First of all, that’s not my side shit. This is.

And second of all, if anybody’s a liability...

- Fuck you. - No, fuck you.

Hi, there. It’s Amber again from Jupe’s Claim.

It does look like we were able to squeeze out a couple of

extra press passes for the

upcoming friends and family preview.

No apology necessary.

This is in reference to the biggest, bestest,

brand-new live show we have coming up here at the park,

- which is sneaking up on us... - Come in.

If you’d like, I can go ahead and put you down..

OJ.

- Thanks for coming up. - How you doing? This is my sister Em.

Hi, there.

So...

- who’d you bring me? - Lucky.

He’s my second-best horse, you know...

He lost focus.

So...

I mean, I did, too, but I can’t fire myself.

That’s good.

Hold up. This you?

You literally the Asian kid from Kid Sheriff?

- Em, Em, Em, Em... - No, it’s okay.

Yeah, I was Lil’ Jupe.

Dude, you were literally my favorite. You mind if I get a picture real quick?

Hey, you mind if we talk?

Yes. Of course.

Please, browse away.

Su casa es mi casa.

Thank you. I sure will.

So...

Same deal, yeah? Eleven-five?

- Yeah. Thank you. - That’s 3D. Yeah.

Whatever happened to that Black boy?

- He was good. - Stop, stop.

- He was good. - I actually wanted to

lay some groundwork...

to a pathway of-of... buying some of them back.

All right?

Yeah.

Yeah. Totally.

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Actually,

OJ, the offer I made your dad is still on the table.

- Let me... - Yo, wait a minute.

So,

that...

OJ, have I shown you this?

This is in reference to the Gordy’s Home incident.

Gordy’s Home.

- Yeah, yeah. - So, Gordy’s Home

is a short-lived but fabled sitcom

I starred in in ’96 after Kid Sheriff blew up.

Yeah, my pops told me about this show.

The monkey went crazy or some shit.

You know,

I usually charge a fee for this.

Oh, damn.

Ta-da.

That’s the first exploding fist bump.

What? Really?

Y’all came up with that?

So, as I was saying, Gordy’s Home

began airing in the fall of ’96...

and it was an immediate hit.

Ratings were huge.

Pretty good reviews.

Just really took off.

Yeah.

Then...

one day...

we were shooting an episode in season two, entitled...

“Gordy’s Birthday.”

And...

boom.

One of the chimps that plays Gordy just...

just hit his limit.

And it was six minutes and 13 seconds of havoc.

Network tried to bury hit, but...

it was a spectacle.

People are just obsessed.

You’re kidding me.

OJ, you said you heard about that?

That’s why they don’t let you use chimps.

That’s part of the reason.

There’s a growing Gordy’s Home fan base out there now.

This Dutch couple paid me 50K to come in here and spend the night.

I didn’t ask.

That’s crazy.

So, what happened really, man?

You haven’t seen the Bad Gordy sketch on SNL?

I mean, they pretty much nailed it better than I could.

No?

Saturday Night Live?

Darrell Hammond as Tom.

Ana Gasteyer as Phyllis.

Cheri Oteri as Mary Jo Elliot.

Scott Wolf is the host. He’s me.

But, of course, the star of the sketch

is Chris goddamn Kattan as Gordy,

and he is...

undeniable, okay?

Bit goes like this.

Everyone’s trying to celebrate Gordy’s birthday,

but every time Gordy hears something about the jungle...

Gordy – Kattan – goes...

off.

And it’s...

it’s Kattan.

He’s just crushing it.

He is a force of nature.

He is killing on that stage.

Yeah.

It’s legendary.

Legendary shit.

Yeah. Yeah, I’m gonna have to go ahead, look that one up on YouTube.

Details, you know?

Totally.

I got some work I got to do.

So we ain’t gonna chill tonight, nothing?

- You want to work? - Hell, no.

So, what was the offer?

- Jupe? - Yeah.

He offered to buy the ranch.

Oh, really?

That’s interesting. How much?

Why?

’Cause...

I’m trying to see how big of a dumbass you are.

Big dumbass, probably.

So I guess you don’t want to see what’s good with Dad liquor cabinet, then?!

I got that hobby weed, too, actually.

That’s all you had to say, then.

The hobby weed.

That’s all you had to say, just let me know. You should’ve dropped that at the top.

“I got the hobby weed.” You know I’m ready.

Okay, your reflexes are still quick. Like, whoa.

- I ain’t mad at it. - I’m watching.

To the man.

Drink.

Oh, shit.

Remember Jean Jacket?

Yeah, good horse.

Supposed to be my first horse, actually.

I was just talking to my therapist about this not too long ago.

Therapist?

Yes.

I fuck one on occasion sometimes.

I was telling her that...

for my ninth birthday, I was supposed to get to train Jean Jacket.

But then Pops got some Western, and...

Jean Jacket wasn’t mine no more.

Classic Otis Senior.

I distinctly remember...

standing right here at this window, watching y’all train my horse.

My horse.

Pops never looked up at me.

Whoa, now.

Whoa, now. Whoa, now.

OJ, come on.

But you did, nigga.

Remember?

It was Scorpion King, actually.

It wasn’t a Western.

That was the first job Pops took me on.

Wasn’t much fun.

Ended up using camels anyways, so...

The point is...

Yeah, fuck the point.

Yo, that man was hardheaded as fuck.

And so are you.

That’s it.

But at the end of the day, you got to--

you got to admit, man, Pops...

Pops did something when he made this place.

He changed the industry.

That’s real.

I can’t just let that go.

Why is Ghost in the arena?

What’s good?

Yeah.

Hey, yo, Em. Em!

Turn it down!

All right!

Hey!

Where he going?

What if I...

What if I told you...

you’ll leave here... different?

See, every Friday

for the last six months...

my family and I

bore witness

to an absolute

spectacle.

You see it? The power?

Where’s Ghost?

- I don’t know. - Hold on.

Boom. Power went out.

- See? - Rewind.

Stop.

Ghost talking about, “I ain’t listening. I’m not trained. I do whatever the fuck I want.”

What?

What’d you see?

What’s a bad miracle?

They got a word for that?

Nope.

They said it was a prop plane or something that killed Pops.

That shit ain’t never made sense to me.

Then tonight, I heard Ghost make a sound I ain’t never heard a horse make.

What did you see?

It was big.

- How big? - Big.

- What’d it look like? - I don’t know.

It was fast.

Too fast.

Too quiet to be a plane.

OJ.

Are you saying what I think you’re saying?

I’m telling you, man, we don’t need a lot. We just need enough

to make our shit look different from what’s out there. You get what I’m saying? Like...

You know I ain’t trying to run it up.

I just was looking online, and I seen a lot of shit.

You know I’m broke, right?

We’ll use my money.

Okay, shut up. Look.

All right.

There it is. 5 to a 100K.

- Well, read it. - You read it, dyslexic ass.

The point is, a website like Cyber Dominion

will pay 5 to a 100K for photographic evidence of UFOs and shit.

A 100K?

And that’s just what I saw on the first go.

Now that I’m thinking about it, fuck Cyber Dominion.

This shit right here is a moment – our moment.

We set it up, release it the right way,

man, I’m talking rich and famous for life.

How you doing? You look pretty.

- She look like she got a big house. - How?

How what? How we put it out? Well, that’s what I’m saying.

We don’t just go for the quick cash-in, okay?

We go to the most credible platform to do the story.

- What’s that? Like Oprah? - Yeah.

Like Oprah, for example. After that, everybody want in.

Well, I’m saying there’s plenty of videos of flying shit online.

I saw one the other day. That wasn’t on Oprah.

Nigga, I didn’t say Oprah. You said Oprah. You love Oprah.

Look, all I’m saying is all that shit online is fake.

Low quality. Ain’t nobody gonna get what we gonna get.

- What we gonna get? - The shot.

What shot?

The shot. The money shot.

Undeniable, singular, the...

the Oprah shot.

The Oprah shot?

Excuse me.

Hi. I can help you over here.

Hi.

Thank you for shopping at Fry’s.

Did you guys find everything you’re looking for today?

Yes... Angel.

Great.

- Actually, do you have a card with us? - No, thank you.

- Would you like one? Because it-- - No, thank you.

Would you like one of our tech support personnel to help you with the installation?

No, no, no, no, no, thank you.

Appreciate you.

All right, no help with the install.

Suit yourself.

Is it a hard install?

Well, for me, no.

You’re not gonna be able to do it.

What happened? Did you guys get robbed?

Yeah, you know.

A lot of blackouts.

Take the camera out from time to time.

All these new cameras, they have backup battery power, so...

you should be fine.

But the outages affect the power in the battery shit, too, like cell phones.

Okay. All right. Cell phones,

they don’t just drop in power. Right?

I mean, maybe your Wi-Fi drops out whenever your system dips.

So...

that’s technology.

Okay, or maybe you’re in a UFO hot spot.

No one believes in that.

What’s up?

Damn.

Did not realize you guys were this far out.

I don’t mind, though.

Smell of horse shit and fresh air.

Right?

- Look at me, man. - Fuck.

- Don’t do that. Don’t yell. - Sorry, man.

Sorry if I was, like, a little shut down this morning.

Just got out of a four-year relationship.

- You were fine. - I know it’s gonna sound fucking cliché,

all right, but I thought that she was the one, you know?

- Is this gonna take longer than an hour? - This?

Oh, shit, yeah.

- I’m-a go ahead and pop out. - Where you going?

I got to go to the store and get something. Don’t worry about it. You need anything?

Yo.

Her name was Rebecca Diaz.

Yep, keep an eye out for her.

She’s an actress, model, you know?

She booked a pilot on The CW, so...

Yeah, fucking left me.

Yeah, fucking CW.

- So, thing about this camera-- - Actually, can it swivel up?

Yeah.

- Boom. - Little more?

More. Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you know they don’t call ’em UFOs anymore?

It’s fucking UAPs now.

Why they got to change the name?

Yeah.

Exactly.

No, fuck it. I’ll tell you why they changed the name,

all right? It’s ’cause they want to keep us in the dark.

Remember when they declassified all that UFO footage a couple years ago?

Yeah. Well, people started paying attention.

So they changed the name to UAPs.

And no one knows what the fuck a UAP is,

- so everyone lost interest. - I saw that Navy clip.

Couldn’t really see ’em, though. Could’ve been better.

It’s shitty footage

of exact proof that there’s an alien civilization out there in the universe.

So, who’s that?

Come on, man. The little guys with the big eyes.

Yeah. There’s lots of theories. Either they’re

intergalactic travelers looking for peace,

or futuristic humans

coming back in time to stop us from destroying the planet,

or they’re fucking world killers.

Planetary destroyers.

And that means that they’ve been fucking watching us

and studying us, waiting for the perfect time to beam us up

and shove metal probes up our fucking asses.

Cool.

Anyway,

Ancient Aliens, History Channel. Watch that shit.

Hey!

Hey!

Come on! Help a nigga out!

Hey.

Know where I could find me a couple of big, strong fellas?

You good?

I’m good.

- What? - What’s that?

Oh, this? You know, just

training horses we ordered that I picked up.

- Where’d you get it from? - Don’t worry about it.

Now, come on, help me out.

Got you.

Okay, so what is that?

- Is it like bait? - I told you.

- It is a decoy for horse training. - Okay.

Shit.

- Shit.See? - OJ.

We good. I mean, he don’t know shit.

Oh, no. You guys are doing something shady.

Hey, there!

Hey!

You can stay right there, though!

Sure!

What’s up?

We’re setting up a decoy!

For horse training!

Oh, good!

You know, we got some of those!

- Where’d you get-- - Where’d you get yours?!

Yeah--

I’m not really sure!

My wife would know!

Okay!

- Thanks for stopping by! - Why the-- You don’t live here.

- Sorry. Trying to help. - Sure thing!

Hey. I wanted to invite you to our

new family live show!

Friday! At 5:00 p.m.!

Okay!

Thumbs u-- thumbs up.

- Should I do it? - Yeah, do it.

Thumbs up!

And so, the router’s in the shed.

I set it up so if the power goes down on camera A,

camera B’s pointed at the sky to catch... whatever might have taken it out.

And vice versa, so...

Thank you.

I mean, you’re really not gonna tell me what the fuck is going on?

You’ll know soon enough.

Cool, cryptic.

Fucking dicks.

I can monitor the feeds remotely myself, if you want. Free of charge.

- Hell no. - No.

Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.

One more thing.

You’ll be getting a call from my supervisor

- asking how my service was. - Five stars, Angel. Five stars.

Thank you.

So, what now?

- I don’t know. What you want to do? - Whatever you want to do.

Well, I got some work I got to do. I’m gonna go out...

That’s a good one.

I’m talking today to women who say

they have been abducted by aliens from another planet.

May I briefly say, I don’t know for a fact that they’re from another planet.

Well, you know you weren’t in Kansas anymore, Toto.

And I wasn’t wearing red shoes

- that I could click together, either. - Yeah, yeah.

Nope. Nope, I’m out.

I’m going. Fuck this shit.

Okay. Okay.

- Oh, shit! - Fuck off.

Give us back our property.

- Don’t mess with Jupiter’s Claim! - Come on.

What happened?

The Park kids.

Jupe’s sons.

And they let Clover out, man.

What? They trying to prank Haywood?

- It’s on! - Hey. You stole their horse.

Yeah.

- Hey. - Shit.

What’s up, Nessie?

Not much. Just stocking shit. You know, pretty much regular.

Oh, shit!

I need to take my ass to bed.

- Who this? - Yo, it’s Angel from Fry’s.

Just calling to tell you that there is a bug on camera A.

I know. Wait, I thought I told you not to watch our shit.

Yeah, I know, I know.

- Camera B is down. - What?

Camera B is down.

Like Ancient-fucking-Aliens down.

- Hey! - Hey. Hi.

Emerald, can you please get the bug off the thing?

Get the bug off the fucking thing!

Shit.

What do you see? Do you see, like, lights

or anything? Like, a fucking saucer?

It’s in the cloud.

It’s in the cloud. OJ!

It’s in the cloud!

Yeah, nah, nah, nah.

Run, OJ! Run!

Shit.

Hello?

What happened to OJ?

It’s fine.

Come on.

Okay, it’s still on.

The camera, it’s still on.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

Okay, you fucking praying mantis.

All right, bitch. You like Sour Patch Kids?

A’ight, man.

Where your shit? Let’s go.

- Haven’t seen one of those in a minute. - Fucking praying mantis.

That motherfucker better pray I don’t ever see him, ’cause if I do, I’m-a eat him.

- Let’s go. - Where?

Man, I don’t know.

I got me a little situation in Atwater texting me back right now.

- It’s not coming again tonight. - I don’t care.

No. No.

No.

Bro,

I ain’t never seen no shit like this.

It ain’t worth it.

No, nope. It’s too much.

You should go, then.

I got to get up early anyway.

I got mouths to feed.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit!

You hear that?

Ghost out there.

Acting all territorial.

I guess some animals ain’t fit to be trained.

- Hello? - Hi.

Is this... Antlers Holst?

Who’s this?

Hey, yeah. I’m Emerald Haywood.

We met a couple days ago at the commercial.

Oh, yeah, horse girl. Sure.

I remember you and your brother.

Yeah, horse boy.

He’s here, too.

- The descendants of the jockey. - Yeah.

Guess I’m talking to motion picture royalty, then.

How’d you get the number?

I got it from the call sheet.

So, we have a project, and

you know, what if I told you it was the offer of a lifetime?

Yeah, hopefully not my lifetime.

That’s a good one. I’m-a be real with you.

We don’t have a lot of money to pay you up front.

You know, not like you’re used to, but...

Yeah. I tend to do one for them so I can do one for me,

so, what is it?

- Reality. - Oh, no. Reality.

Documentary.

Doc-- Documentary.

Oh, that’s better.

So, again, what’s it about?

It’s about the shit dreams is made of, baby.

Listen, horse girl.

I got a...

pretty damn superb lemon tart in the oven I’m about to serve

to ten of my closest friends, so...

- Stop, stop, stop. - Oh, hold on one second.

- What? - He’s not here for that.

- Look, no. This is what I do. - Don’t be cute. Stick to the plan.

- I don’t go to your job and knock a horse’s... - Say it!

...dick out your damn hand.

- Hello? - Yeah.

Yeah, my bad. We good, man.

According to American Cinema magazine,

you make the cinematically impossible....

possible.

Well,

we looking for the impossible shot.

That’s impossible.

Antlers.

There’s something out here in Agua Dulce,

and you’re probably the only person in the world that can get it on film.

That’s it.

Horse girl,

this dream you’re chasing.

The one where you end up at the top of the mountain,

all eyes on you...

It’s the dream you never wake up from.

I don’t like him.

Holy shit. It’s real.

I don’t know what you’re doing here, but...

it was illegal for you to...

spy on us like that.

Wait, you--

You don’t know?

Okay, tell me when you see it.

There.

- Doesn’t move. - Exactly.

Well, look at that.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay.

I went back and scrubbed through the footage,

and that cloud has been right there

at least since I set the cameras up.

Yeah, now you mention it,

I’ve probably been looking at the same damn cloud every day for the last six months.

Shit.

So, I mean, that’s them in there.

And we’ve been recording it, so we got it.

Right?

Yeah.

Why you saying “yeah” like that?

I mean, we have proof of aliens on video. I...

Yeah, I wouldn’t call it proof.

Are you serious?

Look, I’ve seen crazy weather phenomenons online before. That’s all I’m saying.

He’s right.

It’s good, but it ain’t it. Ain’t Oprah.

Ain’t Oprah.

Okay.

Are you guys telling me

that there’s an alien spaceship...

in that fucking cloud right there?

It doesn’t move like a ship.

What you mean, OJ?

What if it’s not a ship?

All right, Gordy, we’re almost ready, buddy.

Here we go, buddy. Come on.

- He’s ready. - Set.

Here we go.

And... action.

And, of course, I set it to Icelandic time

because we share a love of the aurora borealis, Gordy.

And you have no idea how to tell time.

Great gift, Dad.

Way to think things through.

Somehow, you’d think that a man who can send a rocket into space

would be able to manage a halfway decent birthday present.

Nope.

You know, Gordy, all things considered,

maybe my gift isn’t so bad after all.

Hey, Gordy.

Surprise!

Now, that is a gift.

Oh. Sorry. My--

That’s all right. Pick it up from there.

Wait a minute.

What happened to we both failed at finding good presents?

Here you go, Gordy. Happy birthday.

Oh, beautiful, Hayley.

Whoa, hey, hey, hey. No.

- No, no! Down! Down! Gordy! - Down!

- No. Stop! - Stop that!

Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no. No, Gordy, no! No!

Down! Down! You sit! Down.

No, no, no.

No, no, no!

No, Gordy!

Stop!

No! No!

Seven just on scene-- Oh, my God.

Feeling good?

Yeah.

Feeling good.

Good.

There we go.

Run it.

Run it one more time, babe.

Okay.

“What if I told you...”

Yo.

It’s-- Storm’s coming.

Just tarping up, just to be safe.

Hey, where you going?

I’m-a get Lucky.

Now, we’re not gonna let a few

clouds kill our fun today, are we, folks?

So, without further ado,

welcome to the Jupiter’s Claim Star Lasso Experience!

How’s everyone feeling today?

All right.

It’s quite a doozy today.

I want to thank you guys for coming out here.

But first,

how about another round of applause for my Amber?

I’ll tell you, that woman is a saint

for putting up with all my craziness.

And to the knuckleheads up there. The staff. Shout-out.

All right, all right. That’s enough.

I also want to give a special thanks to

an old costar of mine – and my first crush –

Mary Jo Elliott, everyone!

- Yeah. - Yeah.

All right.

You ready?

Oh, come on. That ain’t nothing. Are you ready?!

Here we go.

You’re chosen.

What if I told you...

that in about an hour...

you’ll leave here...

different?

See,

every Friday

for the last six months,

my family and I have bore witness

to an absolute...

spectacle.

One that you’ll be seeing here today.

So let me take you back to that first night.

Right here in this exact spot,

I’d come over to wrangle a chestnut horse

named Trigger.

Now,

I could barely see my hand in front of my face for the fog,

but I swear

on my wife

and children’s lives

that at 6:13 p.m.,

I see...

a flying saucer

descend through the mist.

Old Trigger took off straight into the gulch.

And, well...

it’s like he was going home.

Now, just to be clear,

what we saw

was a flying saucer. No doubt about that.

Slightly flatter in the front,

with a circular hole in the bottom about two school bus lengths wide.

Ladies and gentlemen, I kid you not.

We are being surveilled

by an alien species

I call “the Viewers”.

And though they have yet to emerge from their ship,

I believe they trust me.

If they didn’t,

I don’t think any of us would be here right now.

So, as I said,

in just under an hour,

Star Lasso Experience...

is gonna change you.

But first, my boys are gonna come out and do a little number for us. Would that be all right?

Hustle. Go, go, go.

All right. My little satellites: Colton, Phoenix, Max.

Remember those names, folks.

All right, here we go!

What is that?

Do you guys see that?

Stay in your seats.

This is new.

They’re early.

- They’re giving us a real show today. - That they are.

- They’re giving us a real show today. - Yeah.

They’re ready, we’re ready.

Welcome to the Star Lasso Experience,

only at Jupiter’s Claim.

- Please remember to avoid... - Come on.

...using your cell phones or any

- flash photography during the event. - Cell phones off, y’all.

- Come on! - Bear with us now.

Trained animals can be unpredictable.

Now sit back,

stay in your seats

and enjoy the Star Lasso Experien--

Well, cowboys and cowgirls,

it’s time to ride off into the sunset.

That’s right. Happy trails.

It’s closing time.

You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.

Come back again.

And until then, we wish you well.

Hasta la vista.

Adios.

Well, cowboys and cowgirls,

it’s time to ride off into the sunset.

That’s right. Happy trails.

It’s closing time.

You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.

Come back again. And until then...

Lucky.

Lucky.

Lucky, come on, come on. Come on!

Come on, come on. Lucky.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Yo.

It’s done.

All right, I’ll be over in the morning to tear that shit off. Or you can do it yourselves.

- It’s all the same. - No, no. I like when you do it.

Of course you do. All right.

- See you tomorrow. - See you.

Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.

Come on, come on. Pick up, pick up, pick up.

Did you know that the very first assembly of photographs

in sequential order, to make a motion picture,

was a two-second clip of a Black man on a horse?

That man was a Bahamian jockey known as Alistair E. Haywood,

and he was my great-great-grandfather.

- Hey. - Em.

I was right.

It’s not a ship.

What happened?

What the fuck?

Shit.

It ate them, Em.

It ate them all.

It’s alive, Em.

It’s an animal.

It’s territorial,

and it thinks that this is its home.

Em!

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit.

Ooh, yes.

Hey, hey. We’re in trouble.

Okay?

Oh, fuck.

Shit.

What?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

Who the hell is that?

Who the hell is that?

Em!

- Who the hell is that? - Fuck.

It’s above us.

Ah, shit!

Shit.

Oh, shit! What the fuck?

Oh, God.

Something very bad is happening.

Fuck!

Yeah, we’re fucked.

Nope.

- Em. OJ’s coming. - Let’s go.

Got to get out this house. I got to get out this house.

- No, stop. Can’t we just wait, right? - You can.

- No, I’m not gonna be here alone. No. - I’ve got to get out this fucking house!

We’re alive still because we stayed here.

Go!

- Come on. - Go!

Come on.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Go.

Yeah, she... she gonna make it.

- OJ. - She gonna make it.

- Oh, hey, horsie. - Hey, don’t look him in the eyes, please.

VFX!

Focus here. Focus here.

Come on.

Go!

Welcome to my tavern.

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but a terrible beast is about.

It’s been harassing villagers,

ruining crops and eating their livestock.

Many a glory-seeking hunter

has attempted to defeat it,

and just as many have perished.

While you’re here... While you’re here...

While you’re here, please look around.

I’m here in Agua Dulce, California,

and the whereabouts of those 40 guests and

employees of a local Western theme park are still unknown.

The sheriff’s office has had its hands full

trying to identify the unaccounted for.

Until they do, only one thing is certain.

There is something strange happening out here in Agua Dulce.

Security cameras were off at the time.

Other than that, we have no reason to suspect foul play.

We did have a considerable amount of rain come through here,

we don’t want to rule out flash flooding as possibly having played a part.

We’re obviously...

You never go wrong with a fried fish sandwich.

Tartar got tang.

Stupid.

“Tartar got tang”?

Right?

I don’t think it eats you if you don’t look it in the eye.

Hey, hey!

RTR, bro.

You know?

Like, read the room.

Nobody want to talk about that.

- Let’s go! - Okay, okay, okay. Enough.

All right, all right.

Hey, you lucky!

Every animal got rules.

All right? We know what it wants,

and we know how it comes, so...

Fuck.

We don’t really know shit.

OJ, what’s this about, man?

What’s this about? You want me to-- You want me to say,

“I’m sorry”?

“I was wrong”? “It’s dumb”?

It wasn’t dumb.

- Own the moment. - Stop.

- It was good. It was good. - Stop this shit.

But the moment about to pass.

And we don’t own shit.

Okay. Well, I assume y’all are crashing at mine.

Right, ’cause you can.

’Cause I’m not going back to the fucking

monster umbrella.

Got to feed ’em.

Let Lucky out.

There’s shit to do.

Always.

Always some shit to do.

There’s a wheelchair on your roof.

Hi.

That cloud ain’t moved a goddamn inch.

So you’re not completely full of shit.

- Thank you. - Yeah. Thank you.

The concept of extraterrestrial animals in the sky...

is not a new thing. You know, people been trying to get pictures of these things since,

- like, the ’50s. You know, it’s an ancient-- - How do we see it?

It’s gonna get hungry again.

So, you know,

just ring the dinner bell.

Now, we know what it doesn’t like.

That little fake horse and flags messed it up good.

Got stuck in its windpipe or something.

I bet it ain’t gonna fuck with flags like that in a minute.

Yeah.

We pissed him off.

We’re not the reason it settled down here.

That was Jupe.

He got caught up trying to tame a predator.

You can’t do that.

You got to enter an agreement with one.

Yeah.

Ask Siegfried and Roy.

Okay.

Asking as

someone who was in the house when the shit went down...

How exactly do you “enter an agreement” with a fucking...

a UFO, alien entity,

- or whatever the hell you want to call it? - Jean Jacket.

Call him Jean Jacket.

So, how about this? How about we...

send ol’ Jean Jacket some fresh horses in golden hour

and see what happens?

Horse people.

- Why not just set them free? - We’re not doing that.

Okay.

Who is gonna go

down there...

and get the star out of his trailer?

Me.

I’ll get him out.

Where you want it?

You draw him out there.

I’m here.

On this ridge.

Oh, shit.

Made her myself.

No electricity.

Didn’t I tell you this motherfucker was gonna come up here with a non-electrical camera?

Let’s go, boy!

Yeah!

I’ve been up under it a couple times now.

I get him.

It’s an animal.

You don’t turn your back on a bear.

You don’t wear red around a bull. It’s like that.

You don’t look at it... unless you want its attention.

Good night, Mr. Storeman.

Fuck it. I call top hat.

And we ain’t got a lot of time.

One day.

Two days, tops.

’Cause the word is getting out,

and when it does...

Sorry, dead people.

Park’s closed.

...you know people gonna come and do what they always do:

try and take it all for themselves.

Fine.

Thimble.

That’s the one I wanted anyway.

Well, let ’em come.

It ain’t gonna matter.

’Cause what we about to do...

they can’t erase that.

He’s big,

he’s bad,

and he’s got a lot of spirit.

But anything with a spirit can get broke.

So you break it.

I’ll get the shot.

Hey...

What we’re doing’s important. Right? Like...

what we document,

it’s...

it’s gonna do some good?

I mean,

besides the money...

and fucking fame,

like, we can save some lives.

Fuck, we can even save Earth.

Right?

Yeah.

Well, it came down to Earth

And it hid in a tree

I said, “Mr. Purple People Eater

“Don’t eat me”

Well, he looked at me and in a voice so gruff

He said, “I wouldn’t eat you

“ ’Cause you’re too tough”

He was a one-eyed, one-horned

Flyin’ purple people eater

One-eyed, one-horned

Flyin’ purple people eater

One-eyed, one-horned

Flyin’ purple people eater

Sure looks strange to me.

He ain’t gonna fuck with you.

Time to wake up the family.

Here we go.

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

How exquisitely stupid is that?

We gonna get you today, motherfucker.

Where is the feed for Holst’s camera?

Over.

Couldn’t figure it out. Over.

What you mean, you couldn’t figure it out? Over.

Holst is shooting on a film camera,

and all of our cameras are digital, so it’s a whole thing.

Over.

Basically, you forgot about it. Over.

Yeah, well, I had my hands full

rigging 50 fucking sky dancers to dead people’s car batteries

all connected to one control panel. So, yeah, fucking over.

Sorry. I’m scared.

Man down.

Man down? What? Where?

Last dancer, deep in the gulch.

Stay on it, Em. I’m staying up.

Motherfucker.

Oh, wait, wait.

Oh, it’s back up.

Could be a faulty battery.

All right. Shot’s up, then.

Nah, he’s poking.

Who’s this asshole?

Man in black on a white motorcycle.

No, no, no, no. Shit.

Can I help you?

You see that cloud?

Hey, man, who you with?

Oh, I’m sorry.

Who are you?

Nobody.

You don’t look like a nobody to me.

Yeah, look, we doing a camera test

for a Verizon commercial, so now I’m-a need you to clear the road.

This whole valley comes up as blurry on Google Maps.

You’re really tucked away back here.

Jupiter’s Claim?

- Quicker if you go the other way around. - Yeah.

Actually,

what did happen with Jupe Park and all those people?

He was basically your neighbor, right?

So, what, they vanished?

You don’t believe the flood narrative, do you?

Fuck, guys.

It’s TMZ.

Oh, fuck me.

Hey, guys. Jean Jacket

is definitely in those clouds,

and he’s definitely coming this way.

What’s the matter? Don’t you want to be on TV?

Man, I’m trying to tell you.

You don’t want to go that way.

Fuck it.

Your loss, nobody.

We still rolling? Over.

Goddamn right we are.

Fellas, here it comes. Over.

Pop quiz, guys.

What happens when an electric bike

going 60 miles per hour hits an anti-electric field

going in the opposite direction?

Shit.

Fuck.

Shit. We’re all gonna go to jail.

Oh, fuck. There’s no way that that guy’s alive.

Ah, shit.

Goddamn.

I told his ass not to go.

I told him not to go.

Hey, OJ, what’s...

Where the fuck are you going?

The fuck is he doing?

I’m going dark. Over.

Okay. No, OJ, no. No!

No self-respecting--

Hey, hey, hey. Easy, easy, easy.

- Did you get that on camera? - Look at me. Look at me.

- What happened? - Listen, we got to get you out of here.

- Eyes on me. - Where’s my camera?

- Hey! Hey! - I need my camera. Do you see it?

Okay. Angel?

- What? - Angel, come on. We got to reload.

Shit.

Wait.

Where’s your phone?

Why aren’t you filming this?

What?

Angel, what’s happening?

Okay,

OJ, if you die trying to save that guy, I’ll kill you.

No.

- No, no, please. Please, no. - We’re gonna get you out. Shut your eye.

- Shut your eye. - Not before you take a picture.

Take a picture first!

Camera reloads.

- You can use my camera. - No. There’s not enough time.

It’s here.

Be Scorpion King.

Make a name for yourself.

What is that?

My bad, man.

Hey. Oh, my God.

My camera! I need my camera!

Oh, my God! Fuck!

Give me the lid.

Come on. All right.

Oh, God!

Oh, fuck!

Shit! Fuck!

Hey, hey! Is everybody okay?

For the love of fuck, talk to me, please!

OJ.

OJ. OJ!

You stupid-ass motherfucker, you better answer me.

Are you okay?!

Are you good? Over.

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, God!

Holy shit, I think it’s taking the dancers.

Are you getting this?

Guys, OJ’s hooded up.

He’s doing the run. OJ’s doing the run!

Oh, God.

Hey, it’s gone.

I can’t see it anymore, guys.

Get it. Get it!

No.

Fuck.

Go! Go!

Lucky, go. Go, go, go, go, go!

Holy shit!

Yeah!

Let’s go!

Yeah, he didn’t like that, did he?

OJ, you’re a motherfucking genius.

We got it.

We got it. It’s over.

It’s over. We got it, y’all!

The feed started going in and out when... when that guy got got.

But we should be covered with the film camera.

Right, Holst?

The light.

The light, it’s...

gonna be magic soon.

What you mean, Ant?

No, no. Where you going?

It’s gonna be all right, Angel.

We don’t deserve the impossible.

Hey, guys. Holst just said some creepy, cryptic shit.

Took his camera. He’s heading up the mountain. Over.

Hey, Holst.

Holst. Wait. Hold on, man. Talk to me.

What happened? Did you get the shot or didn’t you? Over.

This nigga.

Fuck.

This is crazy, right?

Come on, come on, come on.

Fuck.

No, man.

The fuck?

Holst.

Oh, shit.

Fuck!

Oh, God.

No.

Oh, shit.

Fuck.

What?

Fuck.

Okay.

Fuck!

Oh, shit!

Oh, no!

Don’t look. Don’t look.

Don’t look. Don’t look. Don’t look.

Don’t look. Don’t look.

Don’t look. Don’t look. Don’t look.

Get the bike!

Get out of here!

Oh, my God.

You’re dead! Dead!

Shit, shit, shit, shit. Look down.

Hey.

Come on.

No.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck. Fuck.

No!

Just leave, OJ.

Forget it! Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

It’s gonna fuck you up.

It’s gonna fuck you up.

Come on. Come on, come on!

What the...

Come on. Come on!

I’m gonna get you, you motherfucker.

I’m-a take you to Oprah. I’m-a take you to Oprah.

Let’s go to Oprah.

Yes!

Yes!

Nobody fucks with Haywood, bitch!

Nobody!

You hear me?!

Cowboys and cowgirls,

it’s time to ride off into the sunset.

That’s right. Happy trails.

It’s closing time.

You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.

Come back again.

Until then, we wish you well.

Hasta la vista. Adios.

Yeah, get a shot of her. Zoom in.

We’re ready.

We’re set up, ready to go.

Folks, this is Wally Pachenko

reporting live from Agua Dulce

just outside of Jupiter’s Claim,

where just seconds ago

an inexplicable occurrence, just in the distance...

You can probably hear the shock in my voice.

There are still some fragments, floating in the air

where some unidentified object

just drifted off into space and exploded.

You can see some fragments still falling from the sky.

we will have some amazing...