Original subtitles

In 1992, I was one of the best hockey prospects in Canada.

But I was caught between two worlds.

All you gotta do is take this book across the border for me.

Just a little bit.

This is gonna make us rich.

I was spinning and spiraling out of control.

I told you!

No one dug me over. I was caught up with the money, the lifestyle.

I was addicted to it. You're an idiot. Screw this mess.

The disease of more.

I'm going to take your staff.

The most fear I've encountered in my entire life.

My life was turning into a nightmare.

Growing up, my major dream in life was to become the best hockey player in the

world. My dream was to play in the National Hockey League. It was all I

to do.

Okay, Ryan, I want to see some improvement today. Okay, son?

Okay, dad.

My father worked very hard so I could play sports.

As I got older, he really started pushing me harder and harder.

Come on, son, another lap. You can do it. One more.

In the moments that he was pushing me the most, it was never good enough.

Come on, Ryan, pick up the pace, son. Pick it up.

Faster, faster, faster.

But I was trying my best all the time.

How did I do?

Not bad, Ryan, but I know you can go faster.

All I ever wanted was to do good for him.

I was a young kid.

When I left home to go play in the best junior league in Canada, and I was this

close away from my dream.

My first year away from home was extremely difficult because I was the

player on the team.

A lot of the older players were really taking advantage of me, using me as a

punching bag, literally.

There was a lot of initiation.

One night, it got me very, very intoxicated.

I wake up butt naked, getting urinated on.

My whole body was jiffy -markered, rookie.

I had never felt so degraded.

I didn't feel like a hockey player anymore.

I didn't feel like a human being anymore.

I felt like nothing.

My dream was turning into a nightmare.

When I got home after that season, I was in complete relief.

I didn't tell my dad what happened. I didn't tell my family. I was too

Friends, I guess.

I went to a bar one night, and I see this old buddy that I haven't seen in a

long, long time named Kane.

Billy, bro!

How you doing, man?

Hey, man. Hey, how's it going?

How's it going?

Listen, what are you doing now?

Kane's personality was like no other person that I've ever met in my life.

You have to come and meet everyone, bro. Let's get some shots.

Everybody knew who Kane was. He had a reputation.

Hey, yo.

This is Ryan.

Pro hockey player, bro. Taking over, man.

Nicest guy in the world.

Yeah, could be a stone cold nutcase.

Mr. Barman.

Whole bottle.

Yeah, just a pocket full of bread.

And he was throwing it around like it was candy to kids.

I'd never seen anyone spend money like him.

Just to be hanging out with this guy who was larger than life, that made me feel

good.

Later that evening, Cain says to me, So, uh, you're earning any money, bro?

No, I'm...

Totally broke.

He looks over at me with these crystal blue eyes.

Are you looking for work?

I didn't even ask what I was going to be doing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was so naive.

We'll talk manana.

And bring your hockey stuff.

Why?

You'll see tomorrow.

So the next day, about two blocks away, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Kane shows up outside my house.

First of all, my mom saw him.

Yes?

Is Ryan in?

And she said, what do you do?

I run a music label.

I'm Kane.

And I'm Mrs. Phillips.

My mom doesn't like him.

Hi, Mom.

Pleasure meeting you, Miss Phillip.

My mom just shook her head.

Follow me. Okay? Yeah.

We end up at an apartment about ten minutes away from my house.

I'm a little nervous.

And I was like, what am I doing here?

What's going on here?

I'm going to make some money, but how am I going to make this money?

All laid out on a plastic table was the most marijuana that I've ever seen in my

life.

I'm from British Columbia, Canada.

Marijuana is part of our culture, but that's a lot of weed.

I'm wondering, how much is it worth?

You're done with this, bro?

All you got to do is take some stuff across the border from you.

Easy work, man.

What? Easy work.

Start unpacking your bag, man.

Next thing I know, I got 20 pounds of marijuana in my hockey bag.

I wanted to impress Kane.

I wanted to be part of this.

So in order to be part of this, I had to do this.

The drive to the border was about an hour and 15 minutes.

Something about it excited me. It gave me an adrenaline rush.

And I was like, what's the worst that could happen? It's only a little bit of

weed.

But then I got Border Patrol behind me.

I literally was like, oh my God.

I'm going the speed limit. I'm taking it easy, but I'm thinking, what if, what

if, what if?

And all of a sudden, he took the exit.

I was just like, oh my God, that was so close. Oh my God, that was close.

As I approached the border,

I'm at the point of no return.

I realized I was risking my career as a hockey player.

If they find what's in this car, I'm going to go down.

Passport.

So, where are you going?

I looked at the border guard straight in the eyes and lied to

him. I'm going down to Tacoma, Washington.

I play junior hockey there.

I said I've got my hockey gear in the back and whatnot.

Okay. Thank you, sir.

Wave me through.

I felt so much relief.

I'm pumped.

I did it.

Mission accomplished.

One of us now, bro.

This is just the beginning, amigo.

That night, Kane hands me $1 ,000.

$1 ,000 was more than I'd ever seen.

And we ripped it up like nobody's business.

And now I'm the guy.

who's buying people's drinks. I'm the guy who's buying trades of shooters.

After what has happened with hockey, it gave me that sense of belonging that I

yearn for.

And I said, yo, dude, when can I do this again? I'm ready.

That was just the beginning.

That summer, I'm doing all these weed runs.

I'm making $1 ,000 at a time. I was spending it as fast as it came in.

In the States, marijuana was completely illegal, but it was accepted in Canada

and was grown in abundance.

And the demand in the United States was unbelievable.

Now, I was a young punk with spare cash.

My mom and my dad were both suspicious of what I was doing.

But I'm not the Ryan that I was before.

I had absolutely no concerns about my mom or my dad.

I was losing my values.

Hello? At the end of the summer, out of nowhere, I get an offer for a pro

contract down in the United States of America.

To play professional hockey.

No way.

You serious?

Even after all that abuse that I went through, I started dreaming again.

I started dreaming about flying on that ice.

Okay, thanks.

Yes! The offer was from the Wichita Thunder of the East Coast Hockey League.

My mom was ecstatic.

Ryan's now going to be doing what he is meant to be doing.

My dad

literally had a smile, ear to ear.

He's like, that's my boy.

That's the Ryan I know.

A few weeks later, I'm playing my first game in front of 15 ,000 plus people.

I'm on the tee. I made it.

I'm on the ice.

I'm coming down the right -hand side.

The puck gets onto my tape.

And I shelf one.

Right up top corner.

And I score my first pro goal.

The crowd went nuts.

That feeling of exhilaration and of acceptance.

The crowd loved me.

And then I see this young lady in the stands with the most beautiful smile

I'd ever seen.

We made eye contact.

and I had to meet her.

So I got my trainer to go talk to her, and there she was.

Nice to meet you. Nicole, nice to meet you.

I'm Ryan.

How did it play?

You were okay.

I wasn't really watching you.

Ouch. She was very real and authentic and genuine.

I mean, it was love at first sight.

She moved in pretty much straight away.

Hey, where do you want me to put these?

Uh, just in the lounge over there. Right on.

Jane, how are you doing, man? I'm good, dude.

My old buddy was always trying to tempt me back to the bug game.

But I was super happy. I was getting along with everybody. My dream was

true. I can't, bro. Gotta give this a shot.

Life was good, but drinking then became

the issue.

Everybody knew the hockey players.

So it was free drinks from the bartenders, free drinks from the fans.

I wake up, go to practice.

Sweat it out.

Start all over again.

Drinking was excessive.

The parties were excessive.

There was no off switch.

Everything was extreme.

It was a crazy year.

Little did I know, my life was about to change forever.

I came home from practice one day.

Nicole's in the kitchen and she's like, can you please sit down?

Something wrong?

Um, Ryan, I'm pregnant.

Really?

Yeah. I was only 20.

I didn't know if I was mature enough to be a father.

No matter what, we'll make this work, okay?

Are you sure?

Yes, baby, of course.

Inside, I was just worried.

At that point, the money that I was making in hockey wasn't exactly great.

It was good enough for one person, but it wasn't good enough for three people.

A few months later, Christmas time that season, our coach tells us, absolutely

no consumption of alcohol tonight. We have a game tomorrow, and we got to win

that game.

And I got drunk.

I had so many thoughts running through my mind that I started getting into the

booze quite heavily.

Ryan, I'm back.

You've been killing me.

Hey, baby.

How you doing?

Look at yourself. You're drunk.

I'm not.

What are you doing?

You have a game tomorrow.

The next day, I was absolutely hammered.

All right, guys, you remember what I said. We hit him hard, and we hit him

the get -go.

I'm just sitting there going, oh, my God.

I couldn't even think straight.

One, two, stop! One, two, stop! One, two, stop! One, two, pause!

Phillips, you hear me, man?

I'm sorry, Coach.

I can't play.

I just can't believe this, can you?

You're drunk again.

No way, Phillips.

No way.

The coach just absolutely loses it.

No way.

No way!

He threw that skate at my head.

No way!

He'd kill somebody like that.

And that's when he said, you will never play for this freaking team again.

You're done.

You're done. You're out of here.

Scared to death.

Got a kid on the way.

Now what am I going to do?

Hockey. And that's all I ever wanted.

But at that moment, I just started really hating the game.

A few weeks later, I became a father to a little girl, and

that was the greatest day of my life.

But at the same time, I was full of fear.

How am I going to support this child?

I had no money coming in. Oh, my God!

We opted to stay at my parents' place in Canada.

Oh, come on. Let's get her inside.

But when I told my dad that I wasn't going to be playing hockey anymore,

was just a look of absolute disappointment.

I'm wondering, how am I going to make money again?

One night I took Nicole to a bar.

Really, I wanted to see Cain.

There she is, the beautiful Nicole.

She did not like Cain at all.

I've heard a lot about you.

Yeah, I've heard about you too.

She saw right through his BS.

Listen, I'm going to go grab some drinks.

Let's talk.

I've got this angel on my side saying you can't do it because you've got this

new beautiful baby in the world.

But need money.

And this dark little devil on the side of my shoulder made the answer pretty

clear. Hey, baby, I'll be right back. Okay?

Hey, Tim!

Matt, I... The cash.

It was time to get back in the game.

And at that point, for the first time, I told Nicole about my history of

smuggling marijuana across the border.

Last summer, I was smuggling weed with Kane.

I made a lot of money.

I said, I don't want you to lose respect for me.

You're joking, right?

It's nothing heavy. Just a little bit of weed.

We needed money.

And I also didn't want to be living at my mom and dad's house much longer.

She looked at me with a little bit of anger.

I'm going to go home.

She kind of shook her head and she walked away.

You guys have fun.

Nicole, hear me out.

I didn't tell Nicole, but there was absolutely no choice in my mind.

I chose the bug game.

That's what I did.

I was just Kane's fuel at that point, but I realized that this was a lucrative

business that you could make infinite amount of dollars.

I didn't tell Kane, but I had a guy that I used to play hockey with that had a

thing called the Pace Lane sticker.

$100 cash up front. Workers, they could go across the border without getting

checked. That is like gold. That's the golden ticket to get things through the

line.

Things were working beautifully.

Until old Cain found out about this.

Get out!

What are you doing?

Shut up, silly!

Hey, move!

Cain, relax!

I watched Cain put the fear of death...

Into him. No more side deals, bro.

I told you.

No one does me over.

And he starts pointing the gun around.

Absolutely loses him.

Hey, this was me, okay?

This was my deal.

I brought him in.

I was never about guns. I was never about violence.

I was into making money, and Kane was dangerous.

I started getting such bad thoughts and feelings about him.

It was time to go solo and not work with Cain.

I had about four contacts down in the States that I could sell weed to.

I knew most of the marijuana growers in British Columbia, Canada.

A few weeks later, I was ready to go.

I had over 100 pounds of weed around the bed.

As I was packing the bags, Nicole walked into the room.

What are you doing?

Are you out of your mind?

This is illegal.

Baby, it's just a little bit of weed.

Are you kidding me? She said, this is insanity.

This isn't even who you are.

You're either going to end up dead or in jail.

I don't want to be a single mom. I don't want to tell Katie that her dad is

dead. She had literally come to a breaking point, and there was nothing I

do. I'm leaving.

I'm getting out of here, and I'm taking Katie with me.

Nicole, come on. Can we at least talk about this? I'm done.

And she left.

She took my daughter back to the United States of America.

And how could I blame her?

It was over.

Shut up. It's my life.

You never fail to disappoint me, Ryan.

Leave me alone.

I know what I'm doing. My dad knew that I was making illegal money.

And that made him even more disappointed.

At that point, I didn't care.

This is the biggest mistake you'll ever make.

The biggest mistake would be staying here with you.

I was going to focus on making money, proper money.

I'm thinking, the Canadian border is massive.

There's got to be a way through the wilderness.

And it just turns out that two and a half hours outside of Vancouver, it was

12 -kilometer logging road that led all the way down to the United States.

So I put together a crew of my own.

This is the route.

Four hikers that could carry 25 pounds of pot on the back, and they would

bushwhack about six to eight hours.

Our guy is going to meet us on the U .S. side.

I'm going to come with you.

Not that I don't trust you. It's just a lot of money.

The next day, we hiked through the wilderness.

This is hard work.

Finally, after eight hours, we made it across.

Hey.

We're getting close.

But when we got to the other side of the border, the driver was not there.

I felt that something was wrong.

Finally, our driver shows up.

Hey, you're late. I think someone's following us. The one?

Yeah. Who is following you? I don't know. All right, let's just do it. Let's

Come on.

Come on, come on.

Next thing you know, we were in big trouble.

You idiot!

You screwed us, man!

I slept. I was losing it.

I need you to step on, man!

Let's move, let's move!

Next thing I know, there's a helicopter above our vehicle.

And I hear, pull over, this is the United States Federal Government.

I get yanked out of the car one by one.

I'm laying on the ground.

I got a knee in my back, face plastered. It's gravel, shaking like a leaf.

Now I'm busted.

I was charged with conspiracy to import 103 pounds of marijuana.

I was taken to SeaTac, maximum federal penitentiary. In Washington,

there was about 150 inmates that were screaming and yelling, new fish, new

we're going to kill you.

I'm scared out of my mind, terrified.

You feel like an animal in a cage.

That's when it really hit home.

I was so emotional at that moment. I felt like everything was over.

And I had no idea what I was going to be sentenced to.

One day in prison is no joke.

A lot of bad things happen.

I thought that somebody might stab me.

Somebody might come into my room and do something to me.

Because that's what happens in there.

The gang members that were in there, like the Mexican Mafia, the Crips, the

Blood, the White Power.

They will kill you.

They say it's not like the movies.

Worth.

My everyday life became...

an absolute hell after a while.

And the way that you were treated in there, by some guard, was like a dog.

Philip, come with me.

There was one guard that really had it out for me.

I don't know if it was the way I looked.

One day, he took me into a room. He locked the door.

Turn around.

Turn around.

Take off your clothes.

Why? He said, you have drugs on you, don't you?

No.

Strip.

I was terrified.

I thought I might get raped.

Bend over.

Bend over.

And he had to make sure that I didn't have anything on me.

All right, you're clean.

Get your clothes back on.

That was so humiliating.

I had everything stripped away from me.

i told my mom please don't come and visit me please i don't want you to see

like this

She said, I love you, son.

I love you. It's okay.

You're going to get through this. You're strong.

It's going to be okay.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I hate it.

I'm sorry.

To see the tears in her eyes, I realize now how much my mom actually really

loves me.

And I put my mom through that.

My sentence was 18 months.

I was told that I was never going to be allowed back to the United States, so

that meant I wasn't going to be able to see my daughter ever again.

I lost everything that meant so much to me.

And number one was my little girl.

crippled me.

The darkness had literally just come

right in and stole the light away from my soul.

And what Nicole said to me came back to haunt me.

I've never felt so alone in my life.

I was so angry that I was never going to see my daughter again.

I was like, screw them.

I started making connections in there.

As soon as I said I was from B .C., ah, B .C. Bud, B .C. Bud.

Yeah, I can't use B .C. Bud.

Prison is like a college for criminals.

You meet all kinds of criminals that are doing all different kinds of crime.

Now I got better connections that can do bigger things.

So, why not?

Phillip! You're up!

Finally, after 18 months, I'm a free man.

I said

to myself,

I'm going to step it up a notch, and I'm going to do it bigger and better than

ever.

I'm taking back to Canada, and I'm not allowed in the States anymore.

So when I got back to Vancouver, I started using my network of connections

prison.

One guy led to another guy.

This guy led to another gentleman. It was like the domino effect.

From there, it just escalated.

I had trucks that were modified to fit a certain amount of marijuana.

I had a boat that was going across that could fit 400 pounds in the hull.

Next thing you know, we met a guy that had a plane.

Was able to go across the border, under the radar.

With 250 pounds in that plane going to our connection, we can make $250 ,000.

All of a sudden, money started coming in so fast.

Two pucks were turned into suitcases.

Big, big, big duffel bags.

And it was just too easy.

But my daughter is now two and a half years old.

Without my daughter, everything felt meaningless.

Hey, you've reached a call. Leave a message at the beep.

Hi. Hey, Nick.

Please pick up.

Oh, excuse me.

heavy amounts of cocaine.

I was doing it to numb myself.

I went out almost every night, got blasted.

It covered up and masked the hurt that I was going through and all the emotions

that were flowing through me.

I was spinning, spiraling out of control, but I was so caught up.

with the money. I was so caught up with the lifestyle that I was addicted to it.

Disease of more.

That's when things started going really wrong.

I was now involved with the mafia.

There was Russians, there was Mexicans, there was Chinese.

Whoever could supply my demand.

At that point, Ryan Phillips,

became a target.

I get a phone call.

Who's this?

He said, it doesn't matter who it is.

He stole the 70 from us, and we want that 70 back.

What are you talking about?

The 70 what?

If someone's accusing me of stealing 70 pounds of marijuana, people kill over

that.

to upset us. He was calling on behalf of one of the biggest gangs in Canada.

Tomorrow, 2pm. Don't be late.

These are straight up killers that will take your life if you mess around.

That next day, I go into a restaurant downtown Vancouver.

I've never felt so nervous.

In my life.

You thugs roll into the restaurant.

I mean, these guys are straight up gangsters.

We know you ripped off the L .A. stash.

You owe us $2 million.

If you don't pay, you're going to die.

It turned out that $2 million wasn't for 70 pounds of weed.

That $2 million was for 70 kilos of cocaine.

I'm not a cocaine dealer.

I even told those guys that. What a stash. I don't even deal cocaine.

Shut up.

The whole restaurant's looking at what's going on here. He just kept saying,

shut the up.

You'll be getting money by tomorrow.

Are you going down?

Come on, man. I didn't do this.

Well, maybe you didn't do it. Keep quiet.

I didn't do it.

You didn't prove it to me, right?

Then you better do.

Now my life was really on the line.

So the next

day, I have to meet him at a warehouse, and literally, like, I couldn't believe

it. They told me that a lie detector test was the only way that I was going

get out of this problem.

I'm feeling absolutely petrified because I was getting tested to see whether I

was going to live or die.

Every single one of those guys was packing a gun that was dropped

in with these electrodes.

All these what -ifs are coming into my consciousness.

What if I'm so nervous that I fail the test?

The main guy, he was just sitting there just staring me down.

And I was shaking like a leaf.

I'm going to ask you five questions.

And all you need to do is answer yes or no.

Have you been to L .A. in the last three weeks?

No.

Have you ever stolen anything from L .A.? No.

The graph was going at a straight line, and I'm thinking, is that good or is

that bad?

Have you ever stolen anything from this gang?

No.

Have you ever sold cocaine?

Where the 70 kilos are.

Okay. That's all.

I had no idea if I passed the test or not.

Now I'm sitting there in a state of absolute fear.

It was the most fear that I'd encountered in my entire life.

You're lucky, kid.

At that point, I knew I just dodged a huge bullet.

Those guys wanted to take me not just for my money but to take my life.

It was just a matter of time before my time was up.

That night I looked at myself in the mirror and I just couldn't

stand who I saw.

I had become someone who chose drugs.

Who chose crime?

Who chose money over my daughter and over Nicole?

The two people that I love the most.

And I broke down.

I knew I didn't want this life anymore.

If I could do it all over again, After my release from prison, I wish I would

have gone straight and not back into the game.

I didn't learn my lesson, obviously.

I learned the hard way.

I have absolutely zero dollars from my marijuana

business days.

Not a cent.

Loans, bad business, and karma.

It's gone.

All gone.

I rode my bike across the country of Cambodia to help with the eradication

of human trafficking and child sex slavery.

I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could help.

The one thing that I wanted more than anything else was to get back to the

United States of America to see my daughter.

When my dream came true, no feeling can describe how

happy I was.

For the first time in a long time, I felt joy.