Original subtitles

Looking good, Junior.

Hey, you ready to take down Bar Harbor on Saturday?

That's the plan.

Oh, yeah.

All right, well, let's see how the Mosquito Star player can do against the

of Famer.

Come on.

Okay.

Hey, bud.

Hey, you pitched a great game last week, man. I love cheering you on, buddy.

Keep it up, all right?

I used to pitch for the Skeets back in the day, young gun. You know, I don't

know if you've ever heard.

I was known far and wide for the Milo Hilo. You think you can handle that

Bring it on.

Oh, no.

Good morning, guys.

So, listen, I feel like I just, um, I have to get really real with you guys.

Like, no gimmicks.

No puns. Just, like, me and you talking.

So, here's the thing. My mom has been dating this loser.

I call him Dumb Dumb for like six months now.

And last night at dinner, she tells me that he's moving in, like, pass the

potatoes, you have a new dad.

So I made the decision to move out, and I am not talking with her right now,

which is why I appreciate this community now more than ever.

What in God's name are you doing here?

I have a new show.

Coffee with Elaine.

Unfiltered. No sugar.

Great. I'm sure it'll be a big hit. No, I mean, why are you here sleeping on my

sofa? I moved out of my house.

Yeah, well, move back in. I already have one unwanted house guest. I don't need

another.

Do you guys remember when I was telling you about my amazing boss who's almost

like a father figure?

Well, he died.

So now I'm stuck with this guy.

Don't let the dog get... Good morning, Sarah.

You should really name that dog. I'm not giving him a name, and I'm not giving

him a home.

What's going on here?

Oh, I'm... Clearly, I have a trespasser. Call the police.

Why are you here?

Oh, I cut my finger on a rusty old lobster trap, wasn't it? Yeah, no,

will take care of it. I should give you a tetanus shot, though. That Eddie

McCroy. He's been getting into my lobstering territory again.

So I've had to start cutting off his buoys. You're still feuding with him?

will this madness end?

When he's dead.

I'm going to knock him out, and then I'm going to dump him in an old rusty

lobster trap, and then I'm going to throw him overboard. I should give you a

rabies shot, too. You're foaming at the mouth.

I don't know.

What do you think? I mean, is it...

Is it cute or does it look like I'm trying too hard? I think it's adorable.

Really? Yeah. I mean, maybe it would look better belted.

Louisa, I know we're the gays, but it's time you knew the truth. We don't know

anything about fashion.

Speak for yourself.

20 years ago when I was, you know, who's private chef, designers, stylists were

coming in and out. And one night I was making dinner.

It's killing you, isn't it? Yeah. Never sign an NDA. It's a prison you will

never be free from.

Don't you have any female friends you can talk fashion with?

Well, I mean, there's Nicole.

She moved to Missoula. And Corinne, but then she had the twins.

And then I guess Mark just kind of became my whole world.

Well, I don't know zip about fashion, but I do know that women need female

friends. If for no other reason than so we can bitch about all the stupid,

ignorant, amateur, insensitive stuff that men do.

Present company excluded.

Of course.

But isn't it a little weird? I mean, how am I supposed to go about finding a

best friend at my age?

I don't know.

Maybe at the victory party when we celebrate our win against Bar Harbor all

night long.

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Goodbye, popular losing streak. Goodbye, Bar Harbor.

Eddie McCroy, what are you doing here?

Why don't you and your hat go back to Bar Harbor where you belong?

I can set my traps anywhere I want. How about you shut your trap and get the

hell out of here? Okay, okay, let's all calm down and maybe save this enthusiasm

for the baseball diamond. Fine.

Fine.

Go, mosquitoes, and get this pecker out of here. It's Woodpecker, and you know

that.

This is bad.

I'll handle the diagnosis. Thank you, Elaine.

I messed up, Doc.

Junior's the Skeeter, star player, strongest arm, biggest bat.

But I should have known that the Milo Hilo could still defeat the bat. This is

the first time in over a decade we even had a shot at beating Barhart. If it's

all right with the Greek chorus, I'd like to talk to the patient.

What did he call it? It just means shut up. Okay.

Not serious, is it? I don't know. It could be a muscle strain, a pinched

or the sign of a more serious problem.

Junior, is there someone Elaine should call?

I already called my dad.

Oh, I'm a dead man.

What happened?

What's going on with my son?

This is your son?

Yeah, he's Glendon Jr.

What happened?

I was putting in extra time at batting practice, like we talked about, and then

Mark came. It wasn't my fault. It was the damn Milo Hilo. I hurt my back, but

I'm fine.

That should be good by the game. You better be.

I was the star pitcher for the Skeets back in my day. Do you know how proud it

makes me that Junior here is our best chance of beating Bar Harbor in 12

That kid is already famous around here. You hear that?

Come on, Champ.

Let's get you into a nice bath.

Just so you know, Champ may have a herniated disc or something else that

lead to further injury. We should really just... What happened?

Oh, my arm!

What did you do to my son?

Looks like you broke his forearm.

It looks like you broke his forearm.

Unbelievable. You've ruined everything. The game coming up, college scholarship.

It just doesn't make any sense his arm broke that easily. I need to do some x

-rays to further assess. Oh, you've done enough.

You're taking my son to Bar Harbor Hospital.

And you'll be hearing from my lawyers.

What?

I'm loving that now this is all your fault.

It's not my fault. Get out.

It's just like a huge, like a huge weight off my shoulders.

Hey, I'm sorry about the fight with your mom, but I like your new show.

Thank you.

I'm trying to be real, because everything else I was doing online was

get likes and views, but being real?

It's, like, huge right now.

I think it's a great idea. And people will fall in love with you just for

you.

Um, Jeannie?

Hmm?

What do you think about this?

I mean, is it...

cute or is it trying too hard super cute but it needs a belt oh my god i was

wondering that yeah otherwise it's kind of giving off i woke up at a boy's house

and i put on a shirt because i drank too much and i slept in my dress but that's

not what i was going for yeah i didn't think so but with a belt your belt yeah

yeah okay it's fun wow oh you like i just

touch that oh Yeah.

Okay, yeah, no, give me a pose.

Louisa, yeah, yeah, Vogue.

Oh, my God, I love it.

Thank you.

Anytime.

So nice to talk to another woman.

You know, all that time with Mark, I just forgot how important female

friendships are.

Yeah, they're not that great.

Totally. What?

Isn't it all about finding a man?

Your biological clock doesn't care about sipping Cosmos and talking about shoes.

You know what I mean?

Oh, but, oh, you're serious.

Of course.

The last thing I wanted to end up single was dried up old eggs and my good years

behind me.

No offense.

Oh, me. Okay.

Yeah.

Elaine, can you find me Junior's file?

I'm working.

Yes, for me.

He's too young for osteoporosis.

Maybe he already had a hairline fracture, something genetic.

Elaine, why can't I find any records before 2020?

Is there a separate drive?

Were some of the files not digitized?

Elaine!

Elaine!

Welcome back to coffee with Elaine.

Unfiltered, no sugar.

Since moving out, I've felt super alone.

But we all feel alone sometimes, right? I would love to feel alone. Have you

found another place to stay?

I mean, I've always been different.

I have this rare thing where my heart is on the wrong side. It's on the right,

not the left.

And I can't eat tomatoes because they gross me out. Are you a twin?

What does that have to do with tomatoes?

Well, I assure you nothing, but citizen vertus organ reversal is most common

among identical twins.

I'm not a twin.

I don't think.

Oh, well, wait. How would I know?

I was just a fetus.

Am I a twin?

Well, one twin can develop with reversed organs due to a later -than -usual

embryonic split, so... Why would my mother never mention that?

But did you have to...

Give up one twin for adoption because she couldn't afford to raise us both?

Oh, my God.

No wonder she's always resented me. She thinks that she chose the wrong twin.

Could my twin just, like, be out there somewhere?

And if so, does she have an extra bedroom?

Doc, could you try to find my mom's files from the day that I was born?

Anything else?

Coffee? No, I have.

The only thing worse than having you as an assistant would be having two of you

as assistants. Now, I need you to find me Glendon Jr.'s file and his family's

file. Thank you.

In the meantime, if you know someone who looks like me but is not me, please put

that in the comments.

Well, that stinks.

Now that Junior's injured, I guess there goes the championship.

Oh, that pasta salad did not hit the spot.

Well, we made the playoff.

That's still a huge accomplishment.

Same for the kids, Louisa. I needed a win.

That was my pasta salad, by the way.

You made it?

Yes, I did.

And I brought it as my lunch.

So I guess Mark did the cooking when you two were together?

Yeah.

Oh, my God. What?

Someone must have left this in the printer.

Oh, that's not interesting.

It's for Principal Holloway from the county school board.

They might have to shut the school down.

Budget cuts.

Well, maybe it's for the best. How is this for the best?

I'm wasting my youth here.

None of the kids' dads are even hot.

Okay, what about the kids? We have to do something.

No, it's not so great for the kids.

This is her.

This has to be her. She looks just like me.

That is you. That's your Facebook page. Who's next? I am.

Because of you, I need something for depression.

That Skeets victory was all I had to live for. Yeah, rooting for the Skeets

one of the only things Frida and I had in common. We got engaged in a Skeets

game. You killed baseball and you killed our marriage. What's the medical reason

you're here? Arnold needs his hearing checked.

Frida's yelling broke my eardrums. Oh, that's not true.

That's not true!

You're right, it's not. My hearing's fine. I've just stopped listening to

Oh, yeah, I know that. Are you up? What is this? It's a prescription for a

divorce. Mr. Collins, you're up next.

Hey, Doc.

Hey, everybody. Hey.

Brought you some donuts from the Salty Breeze, because, you know, we're buds.

Yeah, that's not how I would characterize it. And because I really,

you and respect you. Are you proposing, or is there a point here?

You see, um... Glendon.

Glendon. Oh, you mean the father whose son may have brittle bones, but who

as long as the... went on Saturday? Yeah, about that. Oh, can I speak to you

privately? I don't have the time, Mark.

I think you do. I really don't. No.

I really think you do. Mark, I'm really not enjoying this.

Okay.

Okay.

Are you Martin Peck?

Yes. Do you reside at 3 Main Street?

What is this?

Okay. I'm just doing my job. I'm really sorry, man. You've been served. Glendon

is suing you for malpractice.

Ha.

Oh, practice.

You did break a boy's arm. I didn't break his arm. He had some kind of pre

-existing condition. He sure did. He used to be a good baseball player.

Not amusing.

This lawsuit is as ridiculous as having a mosquito as your mascot.

Oh, come on now. Let's not say things we're going to regret.

I am not the reason Junior broke his arm. If I could just examine him, see a

family medical history, or look at an x -ray, I could figure out why it

happened. Exactly. I know. I believe you, Doc. You're a good man.

The two of us can't sleep with you making all of that noise.

Neither you nor the dog who shall not be named should be sleeping in my house.

We're not sleeping at your house because you're making too much racket.

That's what I'm saying. I know what you're saying. Anyway, why do I even

This kid either had a pre -existing fracture or he has brittle bones, in

case something is causing that condition, something that should be

medically and a clue.

Might be in his records, right? You'd think it'd be in his records, but Dr.

Reese, right?

Unfortunately, Dr.

Reese, who everyone loved, didn't bother to digitize all his files before he

died.

This town is a nightmare.

Yeah, it kind of can be.

Some ways I'm glad my twin sister got out.

Thank you for seeing me.

I hope you're here to cheer me up.

Well, I know. It's not good news. You are telling me.

234 days straight, I'm the Wardle King, and I forget to play one day, one day,

and streak over?

I mean, it just slipped my mind.

How could it just slip my mind?

Well, maybe.

You were preoccupied by the idea that our school might close?

No. No.

No. But you know what? That's depressing, too.

I really loved being the principal here.

Loved?

Well, it's just over? I mean, we aren't going to fight this?

I think losing our star player is a sign that we just, we can't compete.

You know, this is how it goes at small schools.

a good run.

Don't you care what happens to our students?

I know what'll happen to them.

They'll all get bused to Bar Harbor, and although it's a bit of a commute, you

know, at least they'll have the opportunity to experience victory for a

What's that long face about?

Oh, nothing.

What happened to you?

Oh, nothing.

Eddie McCroy cut some of my traps loose, so I had to punch out some windows on

his boat. You punched out glass windows?

No, damn it. It was too strong.

Look at this.

Did I break these fingers?

Hey!

Let me see. Hey!

Oh, what did you do now?

Uh, I may have inquired about some records.

You went to Bar Harbor and tried to access my son's x -rays?

You have some nerve.

Inside. Inside.

And Mrs.?

Now, you know what's nervy?

You're suing the only doctor who seems concerned about your son's brittle

You sure you want to talk to me that way?

I don't want to talk to you at all. No problem. That's what we have lawyers

Good luck proving your case.

Yeah, I don't need luck.

I know someone who knows someone at Boston Memorial Hospital.

Are you suing them, too? I know you had some kind of meltdown, and that's why

you're not a surgeon anymore. I can't wait to tell that to a judge and

else in town.

How about it?

I'm not scared of you or any nonsense you think you know.

Let's try your.

That may fool some people around here, but not me.

Since we don't have anyone scheduled for an hour, I might go talk to my mom.

That's fine. I have business to take care of at the school.

The thing is, these past few days living with somebody so sad and lonely

has made me realize how important family is, especially when you're old.

So even though I said I would never talk to my mom again, I think that it is

important that I put my anger aside and find out what happened to my beloved

twin sister.

So happy to see you. Did I have an identical twin?

Yes. You gave her up for adoption?

No!

Okay, so could she still be out there somewhere?

What, did you put her in a basket outside of a firehouse or something? No,

no, no.

Is she dead?

Well,

so what happened to her?

You ate her.

What?

You know, you absorbed her.

It was in utero. It was very early on. I didn't want to tell you because I know

how you can overreact sometimes.

Overreact?

Great, so I'm a sister -eating cannibal.

For me to live, somebody had to die?

This is why I go around always feeling like something is missing?

I have a big hole in my heart?

I think what you're describing is a human condition, but continue.

So what else haven't you told me?

Nothing.

Except... I miss you.

And I want you to move back home.

Well, I bet.

I'm the only child you have left.

Honey, I know there's plenty of room for all of us back at the house.

I was hoping that you'd warm up to the idea of... Dum -dum.

I wish you wouldn't call him that. Why would you prefer that I call him?

Well... Stepdad?

What?

He asked me to marry him.

What?

Don't overreact.

Would we want to get married next week? Next week?

Oh my God, please tell me that he's dying and you're granting him his last

request. Or is there some kind of blackmail situation that's going on?

Or have you just lost your mind? Honey, I love him and I don't want to wait one

other second, but I would really like your blessing.

Not possible.

We went through such a tough time together.

You and I.

But it's been six years now.

I was hoping that you would at least understand.

I was hoping I had a twin sister.

But I ate her.

So we can't have everything.

Do you bruise easily?

Why, are you going to punch me in the face now?

Yes or no.

No. Any breathing issues?

No, not that I know of. Open your eyes wide.

Oh, Dr. Best?

Dr. Best?

Look up. What are you doing?

Checking for blue sclera. You see here? No bluish tint. That means we know it's

probably not osteogenesis imperfecta. Okay, but I don't think it's appropriate

for you to be examining a student without his parent present. Yeah, dude,

a creep.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't have to if your parent were a little more helpful.

I just, I need to know what happened, okay?

I'm being sued for malpractice, right? This kid's health is on the line. I'm

only one in town who seems to care.

Okay, I get it. I do. I just found out that this school might be closing

due to lack of funding.

I'm not surprised. I mean, it's economics.

I mean, school serves too few students. It's not financially feasible.

But also, I might lose my job.

This is the only job that I ever wanted and basically the only real job I ever

had. Does no one understand that?

I mean, I thought maybe because of the malpractice suit you could relate.

I'm not losing my job.

I'll prove I was right. You just watch me.

Let me get that Eddie McCroy's truck.

Yeah. You want me to get Glendon for you? No.

Go home.

What? Oh, look, it's Dr.

Downer. Everybody lock your door tonight.

You already broke an arm. God knows what'll do next.

The usual garden salad with chicken to go.

Emphasis on the to -go part.

I think everyone here would like you to -go as well.

Hey, come on.

I have no idea why he's laughing that hard.

Well, can you tell me about Glennon Ross Jr.? Does he eat here? What does he

like to order? You want to bring him something as an apology?

That's not going to heal his arm before Saturday.

I have nothing to apologize for. I just need any reason. Don't worry, Doc, as

we'll all calm down after the game.

Hey, look, you never know.

The team could still win without Junior.

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.

For God's sakes, people, okay? This is not the World Series.

This is a high school baseball game.

You heard me.

It's our World Series, Doc. These people went to Port Wenday School from

kindergarten through 12th. We're all mosquitoes at heart.

And we've all waited 12 years to beat the snooty Bar Harbor Packers.

The team is the War Packers. How long does it take to make a salad?

Oh, Melissa.

Coming right up.

I guess I have

Hi,

friends. Guess what? Not only is my mother engaged to Dum Dum,

I ate.

My twin sister?

It's right here. Went down to the basement. It's right here in the file.

What? There are paper files in the basement? It's called vanishing twin

syndrome. It's a really nice way of saying I ain't my sister. Elaine, why

you tell me?

It's so dirty down there, I honestly think I just blocked it out. But now

it's about something important... But now that it's important, you mean it's

saving my rep... I don't even know why I bothered.

Oh, but watch out for that...

One step.

Guess what?

Glennon Jr.

only has one kidney.

Well, don't let him near me. I might try to eat the other one. The kidneys

regulate calcium, vitamin D, and phosphorus levels.

With only one, that might have something to do with why his arm broke so easily.

Now I just need to see Jr.

and ask him some questions.

Why is he giving me this?

Hey, Doc, I come bearing latte.

Uh, Lane, can I have mine? I, uh, don't drink foam.

Yeah, give me.

Better latte than never.

The bar for humor in this town is very low.

Anyway, Doc, I know that we're buds and all. This again. And I really like and

respect you.

Wait, what's going on? I'm really sorry, man. Are you Dr. Martin Best? You

already served me papers. These are new papers. This is a restraining order.

What? I'm really sorry, man.

You're not allowed to contact Glenn and Ross Jr. at school. You're not allowed

to contact Glenn and Ross Jr. at home. You're not allowed to contact anyone in

the Ross family or be within 300 feet of them. Are you kidding me? A restraining

order? I'm just trying to... Figure out what's wrong with his son.

I'm really sorry, man. Do you want to go, like, shoot, like, darts or

No, I don't want to go shoot darts. I don't ever want to see you again.

You mean, like, in this capacity, though, right? Like, serving you papers,

right?

Sure.

It's Louisa. She says it's an emergency. She needs to talk right away.

Really?

Oh.

It's for you.

Good. I should go.

It's Junior.

He's in the... Mr. Junior, can you please come to the pool and see him? I

love to come see Junior, but his father just took out a restraining order

against him. I don't want to hear excuses. He's in terrible pain. You're

five minutes away, so find a way.

Okay,

okay. Oh, gosh.

Are you okay? Yeah.

He's having these horrible waves of dabbing pain.

Scale of one to ten.

How bad is the pain?

Eleven.

Justin.

Oh, God.

I think you might have a kidney stone, which needs to be broken up sooner than

later since you only have one kidney. A fact you could have mentioned, but here

we are.

Louisa, will you call the paramedics? Of course.

That explains the back pain. What does a kidney stone have to do with brittle

bones? Should I know?

Unless you're not processing protein, then you would have to be overdosing it.

Are you consuming an excessive protein?

Well, I do try to bulk up during the season.

With what?

Whole buffaloes?

In there.

Thank you. Thank you so much. All right.

Ambulance is on its way.

How much protein powder have you been taking?

I don't know, like one of those a week.

This could last you for a month. How long have you been abusing this stuff? I

wouldn't call it abusing. It's protein powder.

Yeah, well, you're one kid and he disagrees.

I started sophomore year, but like I said, I ramp it up during baseball

I needed to bulk up for playoffs. Well, you can forget about the playoffs, okay?

You shouldn't be doing anything physical or strenuous right now. You can break

like a twig. You need to rest, stop taking the protein powder, and get your

health back. Then I need to tell my dad.

Well, of course you need to tell your dad.

Then it might sound like it's my fault. It is your fault.

Well, he can't know that.

He was really excited about playoffs.

It's a championship.

He is suing me for malpractice. I could lose my job. The town could lose its

doctor. It's awful, isn't it? The future being so insecure, not knowing if

you're going to keep your job.

What about the restraining order?

And you're not even supposed to be near me, right?

I could have you arrested for even being here.

I just don't want to get this straight. Are you threatening me after I climb

through a window to help you?

Yes.

I thought so.

You should go.

Oh.

Got it?

Yeah,

I know.

I can imagine it's difficult.

Let the school possibly close him.

And, Junior, don't worry. With a simple sound wave procedure to break up the

stone, you should be as good as new. Forget it. Go.

Go. Come on.

I'm fine.

Okay.

My God, what have you done

now? Nothing.

Couldn't find any dynamite.

What? We are not a family of criminals. I'm kidding.

You're the one with a restraining order and a lawsuit against you.

Are you doing okay?

I'm fine. I mean, I might lose my job because of that blustering, egomaniacal

asshat. It's insanity.

Oh, wait a minute.

Does that mean that you actually want to keep your job here?

Of course.

You want to continue to practice medicine here in Port Wynn?

You like it here? That's not what I said.

Oh. That's not what I said.

Oh, come on. Yeah, admit it, admit it. You're starting to be happy here. Nope,

not what I said. It's the principle. Release me, please.

All right, how about this? How about I take out your rival and you take out

mine? This has been constructive.

Look, if you want to keep your job, you want to save your career, you're going

to have to stand up to this asset.

Come on!

Put up a fight, like me.

With dynamite.

Well. Couldn't look fine in any.

I looked everywhere.

Ghost deep.

Ghost deep.

What's the matter?

Nothing. Just who knows how many we'll have left. The future is promised to no

one.

Ah, God, that's your blood.

Uh, what's going on?

Okay, look, don't tell anyone, but...

The school might be closing due to lack of funding.

What?

Poor one day school?

That's all of our childhoods. There's like 20 million memories in there.

Exactly. Yes, are you okay?

Poor one day is like your whole life.

Thank you.

Finally someone gets it.

I mean, look, school was never my thing, but everybody knows that you're like

the best teacher ever.

Seriously, people don't shut up about that.

Oh, oh.

I know that you're looking for a place to live. You've seen my show?

Bits and pieces.

You know, I was thinking about renting out my spare room.

Do you want to be my roommate?

Are you serious?

Yes.

You'll be like the sister I never ate.

No, just kidding.

No, no, no. Ken, do your job. No. Get out of here. Come on. No. You know this

killing me, but you've got to remain 300 feet away from anybody in the Ross

family. Sit down, Dr. Downer. We might actually win this game. Yeah. Hey, can

you believe it? I think this is the most exciting game we've ever had in

Mosquito history.

Ow. Wow. We really got to rethink the team name. These things are bastards.

Anyhow, we're down to run in the seventh, right? Paul Parks gets up

an amazing single, slides into first, twists his ankle, so we just send out a

pinch runner.

What's he doing in the game? He doesn't go fast with the runner, Doc. Don't

worry, he could break everything on his body. Let's go, Junior!

Let's go, Junior!

No, no, no, no. What's going on? What the hell's wrong with you? Why would you

do that?

Forget about the lawsuit.

You're going to jail. Stop.

He did it for me.

He's the reason you got hurt in the first place.

No, I am.

I took too much protein powder and it made my bones brittle.

Why would you do something so stupid? Because I want to make you proud of me.

Doc Martin was just trying to protect me.

Hey, you heard that, everybody?

Doc B is a hero!

Time! Time!

Poor Wednesday's qualified for fan interference!

I spoke too soon.

Doc, you should think out the back.

Yes, I'm sure.

I talked to my lawyers.

That sounds expensive. What now?

Dropping the lawsuit.

Thank you for figuring out what was wrong with my son. No help from you.

Will you let me finish before I change my mind?

What I'm trying to say is I won't tell anybody about Boston. There's nothing to

tell.

Well, there's plenty to tell.

But I'm not telling anyone.

For now.

All right, champ.

Be careful.

He's a bag of bones.

Hey, good job out there.

Oh, you will never beat us.

Never, never, never, never. I'll beat you with my bare hands, but I don't

trash. Oh, who you calling trash?

You. You smell like an old rotten herring. You slime yourself.

You say that again.

You slime yourself.

Happens every year. Every year?

Cookie.

What are we waiting for?

What are we waiting for? It's time.

The time is now.

We gotta take a leap.

We gotta take a leap.