Original subtitles

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

The stones!

Aah!

Aah!

Hyah!

Aah!

Ohh!

Aah!

Aah!

Hyah! Hyah!

We have failed in our duty.

The armageddon.

I saved two of the stones.

The birth rune...

Does she still wear it?

It is gone.

His birth is still to come...

And the battle is still to be fought.

[ Gags 1

it is too rash, too unadvised,

too sudden to like the lightning that thou seest to be.

Ere one can say it lightens...

Sweet good night.

This bud of love by summer's ripening breath

may prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.

Good night.

Good night as sweet repose and rest

comes to thy heart as that within my breast.

O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?

What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?

The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.

I gave thee mine before thou didst request it.

Wouldst thou withdraw... For what purpose love?

Whoa! Shit!

- Travis! - Sir?

I cannot work under these conditions.

Go on. Go home.

Same time tomorrow.

I think what Shakespeare meant

was, uh, we should, uh, seize the moment.

I don't think so, Andy.

Travis?

We've got to talk.

Hi, daddy.

Hi, hon.

Let's get out of here.

Evening, reverend.

Hey, Andy.

You taking Samantha to the movies this weekend?

- Yeah, I'd like to. - Bye, Andy.

We'll see you soon, Andy.

Okay. Take care.

You listen good, devil boy.

Samantha doesn't want anything to do with you.

Her father doesn't want you near her.

And I sure as hell don't want your satanic ass

- within 100 yards of her. You got that? - Lay off, Andy.

Look at this, still reading comics.

Bet you wish you were a superhero now, huh? Huh?

Kenny the mutant crusader and the ex-wimps.

- Back off, Andy. - Come on. Do something.

- I'm serious. Back off. - Show me your powers.

Aw, shit!

- Don't just stand there! - Butthead.

Come on!

We're in a hurry!

Fucking soaked!

The sign of his birth.

What are you doing still home?

You're going to be late.

No. That's going to be a surprise.

Now hurry up or you'll miss the eclipse.

Now, obelix, i need your opinion.

Think he'll like this?

Bark once for yes--

a growl, huh?

Well, you probably need glasses anyway.

Now, where did I put grandma's necklace?

Here it is.

Hey, it is our only family heirloom.

What do you think he'll think about this?

Get it... Get it out!

Oh, god!

Aah!

Oh... Oh, god.

Obelix, no!

Stay away!

Obelix, no!

Oh!

Ahh.

Don't you want to give your boy a kiss, mother?

Let me in, mother.

Let me in.

Fuck you!

You're up late.

You, too.

I heard you making coffee.

Sorry. Look, it's fresh and it's hot. Why don't you have a cup?

I got school tomorrow.

- You afraid you'll lose? - No.

Then come on, and let's sit down,

and let's finish this one last game.

Dad, I'm going to come home for holidays and stuff.

I know, but... Let's play.

It's your move.

Oh, yeah, right.

Dad!

Nice move.

You okay, dad?

Sure. It must be the moon or something.

You thinking about mom?

She would have been real proud of you, son.

Is there something you want to tell me, dad?

Yeah.

I love you, Kenny.

You were born of my grace to serve only me.

What dost thou command?

There are five stones like the one she wears.

You must possess them all.

Thy will be done.

You will have six days to complete my task.

When the sun emerges from the darkness,

your time will pass.

She, the false creator, shall guide you.

Surprise!

Who the hell are you?

Mmm.

Black.

What are you, some kind of idiot?

Ha ha ha!

Qué pendejo.

Hey, buddy, you must have bricks for balls,

or you must be one stupid yuppie.

Is this your carriage?

Yeah, this is my "car" Ridge.

I wish to be transported to Chicago.

Get the fuck out of my face, blondie!

I like you, Hector.

Hey, sweet eyes, i missed you last night.

Hey, Ethan, this boy from spokane,

threw his second no-hitter this season.

The giants ain't going to bring him up early.

But I say, hell, take the diaper off and let him pitch.

- Will. - Ethan, Franks.

It doesn't necessarily mean what you think.

I know exactly what it means.

Diving for shells, you show-off?

I didn't know you were here.

You're not supposed to.

A spy! Ha ha ha!

You know what we do with spies?

Don't touch me. No, please--

- yes. - I don't want to get wet, Kenny.

No! I hate you!

I don't think you hate me.

Yes, I do. I hate you.

No.

I got something to brag about.

I tried to tell you last night,

but you bolted out of there so fast.

I know. My dad picked me up.

I know. I saw him.

So, brag.

Guess what I'm gonna be doing this summer.

You got the job? Oh, that's excellent! That's great.

I know. I'll have everything set up for us

by the time you're ready to start Berkeley.

You'll get accepted. I'm not worried.

The trees shall be torn in half.

The birds shall be severed from the sky.

The water shall turn red as death.

The maggots shall seek the light.

And within the heart of each...

Lay the icons of our destruction.

There have been seven military conflicts,

three plane crashes--

riots in the streets of Tokyo--

last night police in Manhattan reported violent crimes were up 75--

the succession of incidents

has prompted a number of star watchers

to draw a correlation between these events

and last night's lunar eclipse, which has begun a very rare...

The warlock is here, ain't he?

So much for my 70th birthday.

Will...

You know we'll have to talk to--

no. The reverend's not one of us anymore.

Well, it's been a while since I took a road trip.

What for? There's only one way to stop a warlock.

You know that.

- It's how we always planned it. - I know, but...

I'm just going to get in his way a little.

If we can slow the son of a bitch down, we might have a chance.

This asgardian compass will reveal a path to the warlock.

We have something to do.

I've been thinking a lot, Kenny.

I'm just not sure anymore.

What?

Wait a minute. I thought we talked about this.

- Well, I know. - Well, I thought we had it all planned.

Well, I changed my mind.

- Is it because of Andy? - No.

I'm just not ready to leave Logan valley.

Why? I mean what do you have here without me?

My dad, for one.

He needs me.

I don't want to stay here the rest of my life.

I mean, I want to go...

Just-- just not yet. I just need some more time.

Yeah, well I don't have any more time.

Look, all my life I've heard what people around here have said about my dad.

And all he ever tells me is that people live in fear

of what they don't understand.

I don't understand what that means.

I'm going to San Francisco...

With or without you.

I'm sorry.

- Yeah. - Oh, don't do that.

I'm just confused.

I just have this feeling this is where I belong.

The birds.

What about them?

There aren't any.

Ah, great.

Sam!

It's just my dad!

You're scaring me, dad.

Talk to me.

I love you, Kenny.

Aah!

Hurry up!

He's going to look like age-old lettuce.

[ Gasps 1 don't shoot!

- Kenny, calm down. - Calm down?

No, no! Don't touch me!

- Come here, boy. - It's true.

What's the matter with you?

Everything they said about you, about me, it's all true.

What is this place? This is ridiculous!

- Calm down. - I don't want to hear it.

I don't want anything to do with any devil worshipping!

Devil worship? What the hell's wrong with you, boy?

Dead for half an inning, and now you're back into play with a screw loose?

Franks, stop it. You're gonna kill him again.

You killed me. Why did you kill me, dad?

You're not dead, son.

Look, Kenny, just give us a chance to explain.

Asian-inspired dresses of one of America 's most talented new designers.

Oh, one more thing.

Tell Laura to stop swaying her hips so much.

She looks like a slut.

This area's off-limits until after the show.

Look, whatever it is, it's going to have to wait.

I'm interested in one of your pieces.

You don't look like the kind of man who would wear a dress.

Jewelry, perhaps.

Ancient, yet timeless. My favorite.

- Perfect choice. - It's not for sale.

I have no intention of buying.

You're going to steal it?

You're going to give it to me freely and willingly.

Those are the rules.

Men have no rules.

I'm not a man. I'm a witch.

A warlock.

You mock me.

You still doubt me?

That you're really Merlin?

Maybe just a bit.

I can prove it.

All right.

Cast a spell or something,

and I might consider giving you the stone.

How is that for a deal?

Follow me.

Take over for me, darling.

I think I'm in love.

Well?

I reveal my power...

You give me the stone.

That's the deal.

Faust would be proud.

Take my hand.

Are you going to turn me into a frog or something?

Something much better.

I can smell fear and excitement dripping from your every pore.

You wish to go higher?

L...

I can't...

I don't...

Yes.

Do you believe me now?

Yes. Yes.

The stone.

Here. Here, take it.

Ride's over.

And now, it is my pleasure to present to you

miss Paula dare.

Paula?

You mean to tell me that the devil's trapped in some kind of prison that we call hell,

and every 600 or 700 years he gets the chance to escape?

Kenny, I told you, first there's a lunar eclipse,

then six days later there's a solar eclipse.

Yes, and during that time, god's out of rotation.

And lf the devil's child, the warlock, succeeds in releasing his daddy,

the whole damn planet is shit out of luck.

You mean, like the end of the world?

We're druids, guardians.

God gave us certain...

Gifts.

They're for one purpose... To stop the armageddon.

Rune stones.

They have the power to free the devil...

Or to keep him trapped where he belongs.

It's a world of magic, son,

where nothing is what it seems to be.

The trees talk, the birds whisper,

if you know how to listen.

I still don't get why you had to shoot me.

- That's enough for now. - Ahem. But...

Come on, boy, let's eat some breakfast.

Getting killed can build up a whale of an appetite.

Will, we're going to have to tell him. All of it.

These good people are concerned.

They believe you may have had something to do with this.

Well, reverend?

I believe that, uh...

Birds die.

Probably an insecticide.

Maybe some kind of pollution.

- An act of god? - No. This is your fault.

You're all a bunch of freaks.

We want an explanation!

People, please!

Who they gonna poison next, our children?

That's enough!

The birds are dead.

That's all we know here.

There is no one to blame.

Now just go back to what you were doing, all of you.

Go on.

You're good with crowds, reverend. That's quite a gift.

They were just scared. The birds scared them.

Think how frightened they'd be if you told them the truth.

What truth, Franks? A few birds died. That's all that happened here.

Come on, Ted. You know it's one of the signs.

I don't want to hear.

He's going to be coming for the stones.

Lt's-- it's superstitious nonsense.

Just grow up, will.

The birds shall be severed from the sky.

Remember those words, Ted?

The icon of our destruction.

Samantha.

Sam!

Two down...

Four to go.

Fill her up?

What, you take a wrong turn at Albuquerque?

New yorkers.

It isn't going to work, Franks.

Only warriors can kill the warlock,

and even they need the dagger.

Will, this scroll I found

says there's a spell that'll hurt him.

Old wives' tale.

So are we.

It says here that you can damage a warlock...

When you take a blue wooded pin

dipped in the ink of mandrake juice

during the space of the black life.

Mark this stone

and fix this curse upon thee

in the name of the four fighters

whose names are ril,

yut,

sar,

and lod,

who shall consume thee as they are consumed.

Huh?

Hey. Hey-

mister?

Hey, mister?

Hey, mister!

I don't know how to tell you this,

but... he's dead.

Your taxi driver's dead.

He's dead as disco.

Is this vehicle fast?

What are you talking about?

I tell you, you're wasting your time.

Yeah, but just imagine.

What's wrong, mister?

Mister, what's going on?

You're squirting blood all over the place!

It's black blood! What do I do?

It's squirting.

Let's put our minds to helping the boy.

He's the one who has to stop him, not us.

Damn!

I feel so damn helpless.

Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!

- Mister, slow down! - Damn!

Oh! Oh, jeez!

I got to get you to a hospital.

You're losing a lot of blood.

Then fill me up.

The trees...

They're talking to me.

I know. You'll get used to it.

It's like they're chanting, but I don't understand it.

You will.

Why me?

Your birth. Its timing.

It was a sign that...

Of what?

That you're not just a druid,

but a druid warrior.

You mean, like, I have to fight?

The son of Satan.

Yeah. Right, dad.

I can't even fight the school bully.

You don't have a choice.

I didn't ask you to shoot me.

Like the Phoenix rising from the ashes,

the warrior rises from his own death.

That's the way it's written.

Well, what else is written?

That the warlock will come for the stones.

Why don't we just run with them?

'Cause he'll find us wherever we go.

We have to stand and fight.

This isn't what I want, you know.

I just want to go to San Francisco with Sam.

I just want to get out of this town.

In four days, Kenny,

there won't be a town, a San Francisco, or anything else.

Not unless you fight him.

We were put on this earth to be its guardians.

If I had my way, I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat.

Stay here. Listen to the trees.

We'll start your training in the morning.

You keep him away from her!

I don't want your son around my daughter.

There has to be two, Ted! Two!

Good night.

Ted, it's suicide if there isn't.

You know that.

This town's looking for an excuse to burn you out.

If he doesn't let her alone,

I'll give it to them.

Ah, the wild west.

I'm going to show you the power of the druid.

I don't think I want to see.

All right, don't trust your eyes.

Your worst enemy now is in what you see.

It can make you weak, it can take away your inner focus.

You rely on what you can hear, not with your ears,

but in your heart, right here.

That's where the power really lies,

and when you find it, you just stand back, son, and admire the show.

Now, close your eyes.

Close your eyes. Now sense the ball.

Feel it rise in the air.

Come on, just sense it. Feel it rise.

Just feel it. Sense it.

Yeah.

- Look! - Huh?

Aah!

Did I do that?

Shall we try again?

Whoa!

Um...

I'll replace the window in the morning.

Don't, uh, don't worry about it.

Look, I'm-- I'm sorry.

- You know, I... - For what?

Well, I'm letting you guys down.

No, you're not letting us down. Ls he?

No, no.

Why don't you go get some rest?

We'll see you in the morning.

Night, dad. Night, Franks.

We've got three days left.

I know that. I know that.

Look, the kid is going to be fine.

He'll do it. I'm sure of it.

Sorry.

I'm gonna go find me a nice burial spot.

Good night, will.

Good bye!

Come again.

Good night.

Bring your family.

They are all gone.

Hm. Sometimes I think you actually are psychic.

Yéah,fight

you did fool those old bats tonight, though.

It's not a bad take.

Buy yourself a big steak, huh?

How can you have faith in a god that cannot even control creation?

How can he lead you to salvation?

There is no hope in chaos,

only in order.

Nice speech, buddy,

but I got enough freaks in this sideshow.

I seek no employment.

I've come for the stone.

A buyer? A buyer!

Well, why didn't you say so?

Now you do mean that rare piece of Egyptian antiquity.

Now, that is a very valuable and expensive item.

It has great emotional and material value.

How much?