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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Music]
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thanks everyone thank you to a superdad
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husband and earthling that was mine
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Thanks thanks everyone I'm I'm very very
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touched thank you Oh happy birthday
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darling
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yeah thank you son many more dad Thanks
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thanks sweetheart
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thank you l think whoa
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not bad still waters run deep there
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William one two three
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what is this the fifth year now and I
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fall for it every single time hey back
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off there Willie Bob let me give it a
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shot
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[Music]
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[Music]
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okay okay I was born the son of a poor
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asteroid polisher I'm supposed to be
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making this speech I think I know my
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life better than you do but enough about
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me thank you well I don't think I've got
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too much to complain about that's for
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sure I have my health I have a wonderful
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wife I have two great kids and then an
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alien okay
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great speech let's open the presents
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okay be right back come on Brian I hope
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you got me jewelry
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it's Willie's birthday he's the one who
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gets the presents the guy who has the
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birthday also gets the presents talk
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about your wacky planet close your eyes
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okay hey it's the Cambridge atlas of
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astronomy see I've been eyeing that book
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in the bookstore for weeks you know I
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was gonna wait until I came out in
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paperback but what are you doing I'm
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correcting the more glaring errors look
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at this they left out the tenth planet
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Dave you know I think you'll make things
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up you told me there was a race of
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cucumber people on Mars not a race of
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family a small family they're mean well
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thanks what is it I don't know something
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I found in the basement behind the
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chemical toilet well I can't exactly go
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out and shop in the know I mean it is
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Jame it's one very thoughtful well thank
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you look at these these are pictures as
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they're our high school or college
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pictures it's all the letters in there
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mom who is this gorgeous guy with his
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arm around you
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oh that's animal Hohenheim animal your
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mother dated a lot of gorgeous guy
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before she met me not that I wasn't
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gorgeous myself looks like Harrison Ford
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that's Nolan Westwood who's this guy in
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the stupid looking clothes that's a
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football uniform out I know this guy
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he's an old-timer what's his name
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Joe Namath the pantyhose guy Wow you
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really went out with some hunks but I
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married the best hunk of them all oh my
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gosh here's a menu oh look it's an old
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menu from that little restaurant that
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Kate and I discovered let's order the
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rest has been closed for 20 years why
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are we ordering what we wrote on the
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back it's our list what list
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well your father and I each made a list
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of things that we wanted to accomplish
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in our lives you know goals dream can I
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see it
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look what mom wrote to ski the eagle's
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nest at Squaw Valley to have a poem
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published in a major literary magazine
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to run with the Bulls at Pamplona she
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did all that - whoa okay you little
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overachiever you I love crossing things
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off where's your list dad oh it's in
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there I think I wrote it under the catch
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of the day let me see that I mean what
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sea bass we're not ordering all right
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all right let me read this wait a minute
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Willie tanner goals and ambitions number
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one to build a better mousetrap well
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that must have been a piece of cake not
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exactly I'm still working on that one
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number to complete that skydive complete
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that skydive how do you skydive just a
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little bit do you jump halfway
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you know you you get ready to jump you
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have second thoughts you go back to your
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seat to sit down
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oh you chicken out you decide not to
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jump you come to your senses you have
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second thoughts you decide not to be
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stupid all right all right you check it
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out now how about some of that whip cake
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yeah
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yo well yo huh what are you working on
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my mousetrap uh-huh you might have a
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little trouble slipping that baby behind
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a refrigerator saying uh I'm sleeping
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too though
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no I always wake up around 3:00 3:30
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have a couple of potatoes and wait for
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my paper what a life
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Hey so far no complaints what a cold
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spud no because I ate the rest of the
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cake I should tell you that no that's
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okay and the candles listen alpha I
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really like to finish this thing why
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bother
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because I like to finish something I
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start you never finished that skydive
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Juba set goals for yourself that you
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weren't able to accomplish no none Mel
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machines don't set goals Willie we live
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from moment to moment from snack to
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snack yes we take time to stop and smell
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the potatoes you ever jump out of a
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moving plane hey you want to be alone
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just tell me no no I mean did did you
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ever skydive I built two earth that mark
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16 what was that like
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imagine mark 8 and double it which is
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scared not once I started plummeting hey
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Willie don't worry about it you don't
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have to prove anything
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you're a good provider you've got a
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couple of great kids and an alien
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you don't run around and your life is
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incredibly predictable and safe there's
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my paper ciao
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[Music]
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okay yeah you hear from no one fall in
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Westwood no why oh I don't know I just
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wanted to have heard from him since you
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know since college actually I heard that
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he went to New Guinean never came back
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oh that's that's too bad
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some tribe made him their king oh
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nothing I would I was just I was just
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curious huh
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does he have any real power or is it
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just a figurehead well he's on the
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stamps what about Joe Joe who you know a
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bald guy sighs Minh no Namath did you go
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out with Joe Theismann - no just Namath
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why are you bringing all this up okay
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you think of me it was incredibly
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predictable and safe yes that's why I'm
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here with you right now
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Otis believe you have a busy day
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tomorrow
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mm-hmm
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and I gotta take the wagon and get the
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radiator flushed after that I'm gonna
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stop the hardware see the lawn
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sprinklers come in yet I having lunch
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with cousin Bern and talk to me about
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his new edger
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after that I decided I'm gonna go
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skydiving
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right there you're at your graduation
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what am i graduating from this is a
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dream tanner
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its purpose is to point out how
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inadequate you are compared to everybody
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else that sounds like fun
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would you mind standing off to the side
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[Music]
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Nolan Westwood come on out and accept
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your diploma congratulations Nolan on
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being a successful unicyclist world
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traveler and New Guinea and Cape thank
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you here are some stamps and coins he is
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on the money to Canada so listen I've
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got to go they're having a little
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ceremony for me back home I'm being
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bumped up from King to God
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congratulations Nolan thanks bud you've
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really you've really done quite well
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you're telling me I've led a life of
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travel and adventure I'm rich I'm famous
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I have a species of bird named after me
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I'll have my mortgage paid off in eight
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years unless we refinance of course Kate
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and I are still kicking yeah so hydro
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for me William what a cutie
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your mortgage will be paid off
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next up Lyle animal horror hime
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jetsetter yachtsman international
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financiers come on out here animal and
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get your diploma you rich guy you
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Wow have you done well they aren't quite
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a guy you won the Indianapolis 500 you
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listed in the fortune 500 and in the
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National League you've added 500 listen
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I gotta run we're having 500 people over
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for dinner tonight
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animal and know we've already got
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somebody to park the cars I just I just
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wanted to say hello um I'm Willy Tanner
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theatre I married Kate Halligan Kate
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Halligan let's say hello to her for me
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will ya you know she is 1 in 500 now our
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next recipient needs no introduction
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ladies and gentlemen Joe name just
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kidding here you go Joe thanks let's see
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what's going on here uh uh Willy's
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having a dream Swilley
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hello Joe I'm sorry to drag you into
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this oh hey that's cool I've been doing
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a lot of dreams lately
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next week I'm doing a Howard Cosell
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nightmare
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see Joey you've done awfully well say
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would you would you autograph this for
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my son Brian absolutely there you go
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thanks Joe
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to Brian tell your mom hello
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you know what I always think about what
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Kate said when I proposed to her
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yeah and that's how I got the bad knees
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by the way kneeling she said Broadway
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she always called me Broadway she said
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thanks but no thanks I'm looking for
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someone that's predictable and safe so
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long really I'm going skydiving tomorrow
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you had your chance and now it gives me
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great pleasure to introduce our man of
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the century someone whose
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accomplishments but the rest of us to
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shame a person of whom it can truly be
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said he changed the way we look at the
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world ladies and gentlemen I give you
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Gordon
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alfe subway
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[Applause]
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Oh pl great to see way to go what a guy
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he's the best al can I have your
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autograph
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George oh oh wait till my friends see
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this oh there you go
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Alf Willie al
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Willie you're the man of the century
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yeah what a surprise I was happy just to
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be nominated what a kick
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well congratulations Thanks
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hey Willie you never know next century
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it could be you I don't hey come on
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don't be so negative all you have to do
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is take this parachute and jump Willie
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jump jump jump
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roll you mean maybe there was a pause
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within the tomb there was enough time to
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send out for pizza now that's a thought
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yes sir come on hip roll yeah hit roll
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roll
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yes yes yes let's take a break here yeah
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good idea
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you know Alf I had the strangest dream
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last night and you were in it no kidding
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yeah it was really weird there was you
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and these three guys the cake used to go
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out with what's weird about that well
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what were you doing in it now that you
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00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:56,559
brought it up I think Kate's been coming
276
00:17:55,780 --> 00:18:00,250
on to me lately
277
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I really think you're mistaking
278
00:18:00,250 --> 00:18:06,330
friendliness for something else then I
279
00:18:03,789 --> 00:18:09,760
guess I shouldn't have sent her flowers
280
00:18:06,330 --> 00:18:13,000
you send my wife flowers okay breaks
281
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:16,770
over let's uh let's get on with this
282
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,770
come on enough of this idle chitchat
283
00:18:19,830 --> 00:18:26,830
yeah how about it not bad if that had
284
00:18:25,299 --> 00:18:33,610
been a real jump you'd have just driven
285
00:18:26,830 --> 00:18:36,850
your femur into your spleen honey what's
286
00:18:33,610 --> 00:18:43,049
the occasion it's just because he loves
287
00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:45,610
you that's all what's going on here oh
288
00:18:43,049 --> 00:18:50,679
just practicing my hit and roll that
289
00:18:45,610 --> 00:18:53,289
skydiving lingo so that is what you said
290
00:18:50,679 --> 00:18:55,210
last night yeah I decided then I'm gonna
291
00:18:53,289 --> 00:18:56,169
take the plunge and don't try talking
292
00:18:55,210 --> 00:18:59,650
him out of it
293
00:18:56,169 --> 00:19:03,010
al do you mind you're really serious
294
00:18:59,650 --> 00:19:07,030
about this aren't you yep why are you
295
00:19:03,010 --> 00:19:10,150
doing this I'm doing this because I feel
296
00:19:07,030 --> 00:19:12,760
I have to do this because of something
297
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:16,590
you wrote on a menu 25 years ago I
298
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:16,590
thought it was 20 now
299
00:19:17,610 --> 00:19:24,520
25 years ago five people went up in a
300
00:19:20,980 --> 00:19:26,380
plane and four people jumped you didn't
301
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,900
jump because you didn't want to jump I
302
00:19:26,380 --> 00:19:35,500
didn't jump because I was afraid to them
303
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:39,930
you're not afraid now I am afraid but I
304
00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:43,390
feel that this is something I have to do
305
00:19:39,930 --> 00:19:44,980
if jumping out of an airplane at 5,000
306
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:47,070
feet is that important to you you should
307
00:19:44,980 --> 00:19:58,180
do it
308
00:19:47,070 --> 00:20:03,180
we'll be there watching 5,000 focus at
309
00:19:58,180 --> 00:20:03,180
this 4,000 I think it's 10,000
310
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:13,229
[Music]
311
00:20:10,299 --> 00:20:13,229
we're doing it
312
00:20:13,790 --> 00:20:27,860
are we mr. Tanner I noticed they're even
313
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,840
check out the life insurance pop oh I'm
314
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:33,290
sorry
315
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:35,290
that'll be our two bucks I know it would
316
00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:38,290
have been all right if I paid you later
317
00:20:35,290 --> 00:20:38,290
good
318
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:48,990
man out directly over in the drop zone
319
00:20:44,630 --> 00:20:56,340
skydivers prepare for fight and one jet
320
00:20:48,990 --> 00:20:57,120
for that first step hey you know this
321
00:20:56,340 --> 00:21:02,179
for fun
322
00:20:57,120 --> 00:21:07,200
oh the obelisk oh you mean oh nevermind
323
00:21:02,179 --> 00:21:09,600
my first time service huh nothing to
324
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:11,840
worry about just like jumping off the
325
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,840
cliff
326
00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:15,620
No
327
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,600
yeah
328
00:21:22,020 --> 00:21:31,520
Berner you hey listen if anything
329
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:31,520
happens to me no life support system
330
00:21:31,730 --> 00:21:38,150
[Music]
331
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:42,869
to prison guests mr. booth just a yo-yo
332
00:21:38,150 --> 00:21:42,869
[Music]
333
00:21:43,860 --> 00:21:50,850
oh listen this what I've decided I can't
334
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:52,649
do this I won't do what I mean I don't
335
00:21:50,850 --> 00:21:55,559
need to do it so I'm not going to do it
336
00:21:52,649 --> 00:21:57,450
that's what I wanted to tell you soon so
337
00:21:55,559 --> 00:21:59,610
see Mac there was Lucy everybody say yo
338
00:21:57,450 --> 00:22:02,399
and all that and I thought to myself do
339
00:21:59,610 --> 00:22:05,940
I really want a plummet and I had to
340
00:22:02,399 --> 00:22:07,799
admit no I don't feel like vomiting so
341
00:22:05,940 --> 00:22:10,140
I'm not gonna do I'm gonna go back over
342
00:22:07,799 --> 00:22:11,309
there and we'll sit down that said
343
00:22:10,140 --> 00:22:11,909
that's where I'll be right right over
344
00:22:11,309 --> 00:22:13,150
there okay
345
00:22:11,909 --> 00:22:14,530
what
346
00:22:13,150 --> 00:22:16,530
[Music]
347
00:22:14,530 --> 00:22:16,530
Oh
348
00:22:19,419 --> 00:22:22,559
what the hell
349
00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:33,049
[Music]
350
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:33,049
[Applause]
351
00:22:43,290 --> 00:22:57,190
in here what are you doing
352
00:22:48,580 --> 00:22:59,680
building a better cat-trap great he did
353
00:22:57,190 --> 00:23:06,190
it let's go and Willy hey let's cheer
354
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:12,090
for the tan man was nothing it was like
355
00:23:06,190 --> 00:23:15,130
jumping off a cliff not in your lifetime
356
00:23:12,090 --> 00:23:17,170
well I'm gonna jump as soon as lash gets
357
00:23:15,130 --> 00:23:20,410
a pilot's license I think we'll all jump
358
00:23:17,170 --> 00:23:22,390
and lash gets his pilot's license would
359
00:23:20,410 --> 00:23:25,000
have been really really proud of him I
360
00:23:22,390 --> 00:23:27,130
was proud of him before he jumped you
361
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:30,640
said he'd end up a red smear of the
362
00:23:27,130 --> 00:23:34,900
landscape I said he might end up a red
363
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:37,090
smear on the landscape well honey tell
364
00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:39,490
me what's next for the conquering hero
365
00:23:37,090 --> 00:23:42,130
oh I don't know I was thinking about
366
00:23:39,490 --> 00:23:44,440
that on the way down I still like to
367
00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:46,900
discover that new galaxy I don't know
368
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,410
maybe play pro football for a couple of
369
00:23:46,900 --> 00:23:50,340
years
370
00:23:47,410 --> 00:23:54,520
take the whole gang move to New Guinea
371
00:23:50,340 --> 00:23:57,300
of course first I have to get the
372
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:57,300
radiator flushed
373
00:24:01,700 --> 00:24:30,450
[Music]
374
00:24:28,740 --> 00:24:47,519
[Applause]
375
00:24:30,450 --> 00:24:47,519
[Music]26853
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