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1
00:00:00,029 --> 00:00:03,211
- Previously on No Tomorrow...
- You two are seeing each other, too?
2
00:00:03,241 --> 00:00:07,620
I subscribe to the notion
of ethical non-monogamy.
3
00:00:07,650 --> 00:00:10,108
He's not as safe and vanilla
as your previous boyfriends,
4
00:00:10,138 --> 00:00:11,838
and that's a good thing.
5
00:00:12,158 --> 00:00:13,520
I've never dated casually.
6
00:00:13,550 --> 00:00:14,923
You know, it's really
something I should try.
7
00:00:14,953 --> 00:00:15,962
- You know?
- Yeah.
8
00:00:15,992 --> 00:00:17,957
I added some dating apps.
9
00:00:17,958 --> 00:00:19,373
Deirdre whispered in my ear
10
00:00:19,403 --> 00:00:20,912
and something happened.
11
00:00:20,942 --> 00:00:23,710
- Are you into Deirdre?
- I have an Internet girlfriend.
12
00:00:23,740 --> 00:00:24,887
Who you've never actually met.
13
00:00:24,888 --> 00:00:26,988
You want to have some real fun?!
14
00:00:28,621 --> 00:00:30,465
I can't do this.
15
00:00:30,495 --> 00:00:33,155
_
16
00:00:41,655 --> 00:00:42,849
- You ready?
- Yeah...
17
00:00:43,850 --> 00:00:45,200
Ready.
18
00:00:45,317 --> 00:00:46,316
Okay.
19
00:00:46,317 --> 00:00:48,287
Okay, on the count of three.
20
00:00:48,288 --> 00:00:50,241
Three, two...
21
00:01:00,704 --> 00:01:02,837
_
22
00:01:06,198 --> 00:01:07,198
Whoo-hoo!
23
00:01:07,228 --> 00:01:10,715
= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
... www.addic7ed.com ...
24
00:01:10,745 --> 00:01:12,442
So, what's next?
25
00:01:12,942 --> 00:01:14,356
Mm...
26
00:01:16,312 --> 00:01:18,311
Number 36, spend the
night in a blanket fort.
27
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:21,265
You know, my mom always
worried that I'd suffocate.
28
00:01:21,295 --> 00:01:24,623
As much as I would love to
cross off number 544 on my list,
29
00:01:24,653 --> 00:01:26,299
which is, have sex in a blanket fort,
30
00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:29,719
I can't help but notice you
keep on skipping over number 17.
31
00:01:29,749 --> 00:01:33,270
- Oh, Francis Fernberger.
- _
32
00:01:33,271 --> 00:01:35,119
We called her "Fern."
33
00:01:36,711 --> 00:01:38,874
And I think I ruined her life.
34
00:01:38,904 --> 00:01:40,295
Ah.
35
00:01:40,296 --> 00:01:43,249
Yeah, regrets are the hardest ones.
36
00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:44,700
I'll tell you what.
37
00:01:44,881 --> 00:01:47,045
You tackle number 17,
38
00:01:47,075 --> 00:01:49,510
and I will tackle one of my hard ones.
39
00:01:49,540 --> 00:01:51,648
_
40
00:01:51,907 --> 00:01:52,963
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
41
00:01:52,993 --> 00:01:54,991
So, what happened
with Fernie Fernberger?
42
00:01:55,021 --> 00:01:58,663
Well, we were best
friends in high school.
43
00:01:59,112 --> 00:02:02,028
Until the day before color
guard co-captain tryouts.
44
00:02:02,029 --> 00:02:04,037
Five, six, seven, eight.
45
00:02:04,038 --> 00:02:05,879
Little pump, little pump.
46
00:02:05,909 --> 00:02:08,041
And five, six, seven, eight.
47
00:02:08,042 --> 00:02:10,045
One, two, three, four,
48
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:12,003
behind, circle, down.
49
00:02:12,004 --> 00:02:14,003
Grab one, down two,
50
00:02:14,004 --> 00:02:17,310
down back, circle, circle, circle...
51
00:02:17,340 --> 00:02:20,319
That's how you do Biscuits and Gravy!
52
00:02:21,832 --> 00:02:24,332
You grew a lot this
summer, but it still works.
53
00:02:24,362 --> 00:02:26,403
Gives us two levels of flags.
54
00:02:26,404 --> 00:02:27,981
Can you imagine, Fern?
55
00:02:28,011 --> 00:02:30,424
By this time tomorrow, we could
be color guard co-captains!
56
00:02:30,425 --> 00:02:31,428
Ooh...
57
00:02:31,429 --> 00:02:33,437
We got this.
58
00:02:34,031 --> 00:02:35,382
Oh.
59
00:02:35,383 --> 00:02:37,819
Made you a special copy of our music.
60
00:02:37,849 --> 00:02:39,428
Thank you!
61
00:02:41,108 --> 00:02:42,407
Turds.
62
00:02:42,408 --> 00:02:44,400
The volleyball Barbies.
63
00:02:48,412 --> 00:02:52,145
Oh, they think they're
so cool just because...
64
00:02:52,175 --> 00:02:53,199
they're so cool.
65
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,028
You, string bean.
66
00:02:55,058 --> 00:02:56,049
Me?
67
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,049
You play volleyball?
68
00:02:57,050 --> 00:02:58,877
I mean, I have.
69
00:02:58,907 --> 00:03:01,207
I think you could be our new spiker.
70
00:03:02,817 --> 00:03:04,989
Tryouts. Now.
71
00:03:28,744 --> 00:03:31,049
Fern never became a co-captain.
72
00:03:31,050 --> 00:03:33,049
And without me, she was just another...
73
00:03:33,050 --> 00:03:37,053
social leper in bright
blue tights waving a flag.
74
00:03:37,054 --> 00:03:39,387
That's why you need to
do number 17 right now.
75
00:03:39,417 --> 00:03:41,074
Time is too precious for regrets.
76
00:03:41,075 --> 00:03:42,334
Okay, well, then what about you?
77
00:03:42,364 --> 00:03:44,555
I mean, what do you want to make right?
78
00:03:44,585 --> 00:03:45,655
Um...
79
00:03:45,685 --> 00:03:46,674
I'm starting to regr...
80
00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:48,329
Sorry, that's Heartster,
81
00:03:48,359 --> 00:03:50,049
one of the dating
apps Kareema installed.
82
00:03:50,050 --> 00:03:51,212
Heartster's blowing up.
83
00:03:52,267 --> 00:03:53,488
- _
- Well, actually, no,
84
00:03:53,518 --> 00:03:54,453
- that one's CutieCall.
- Uh-huh.
85
00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:56,187
Or maybe it's TrueSoulMate.
86
00:03:56,217 --> 00:03:57,216
I can't keep track.
87
00:03:57,217 --> 00:03:58,508
_
88
00:03:58,538 --> 00:04:00,266
I'll stash it, though. Um...
89
00:04:00,267 --> 00:04:02,192
Okay, go. Your regret.
90
00:04:02,222 --> 00:04:04,554
_
91
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,339
Ah...
92
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,199
- I stole my friend's
- _
93
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,610
signed Frank Thomas rookie baseball card
94
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,590
the summer after fifth grade.
95
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,216
And then I pawned it.
96
00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:20,539
To buy nunchucks.
97
00:04:20,569 --> 00:04:21,955
Nunchucks?
98
00:04:21,985 --> 00:04:23,837
It was fifth grade. I still have them.
99
00:04:23,867 --> 00:04:26,232
So that's it? Just
return a baseball card?
100
00:04:27,584 --> 00:04:29,199
It's a very, very, very rare...
101
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:30,253
connection that we have.
102
00:04:30,254 --> 00:04:32,738
And now I'm starting to
regret encouraging her
103
00:04:32,768 --> 00:04:34,721
to explore ethical
non-monogamy in the first place.
104
00:04:34,751 --> 00:04:36,653
But I'd be a hypocrite
to say that, because
105
00:04:36,683 --> 00:04:39,224
it's directly contradicting
my own philosophy.
106
00:04:39,254 --> 00:04:40,418
You're being a wuss.
107
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:41,687
I am not being a wuss.
108
00:04:41,717 --> 00:04:43,703
- You're being a wuss.
- I'm not being a wuss.
109
00:04:43,704 --> 00:04:45,193
You're being a wuss, man.
110
00:04:45,223 --> 00:04:46,724
And...
111
00:04:47,189 --> 00:04:48,189
I get it.
112
00:04:48,576 --> 00:04:51,707
It's risky business
caring deeply for someone.
113
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:55,108
I can't tie her down when
she's just starting to explore.
114
00:04:55,138 --> 00:04:57,745
You can't just sit back like an asshat
115
00:04:57,746 --> 00:04:59,687
and watch her date other guys if it's,
116
00:04:59,688 --> 00:05:01,014
if it's killing you.
117
00:05:01,044 --> 00:05:02,653
Sure I can.
118
00:05:02,654 --> 00:05:04,210
Her journey
119
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:05,716
is her journey.
120
00:05:05,717 --> 00:05:07,711
Love doesn't work like that, my friend.
121
00:05:07,712 --> 00:05:09,661
It'll break your heart, steal your car
122
00:05:09,662 --> 00:05:11,356
and kick you in the beans.
123
00:05:11,386 --> 00:05:13,481
Mocha chocolate latte
with whipped cream.
124
00:05:13,511 --> 00:05:16,261
Thank you, Hank. Please
place it on my desk.
125
00:05:21,783 --> 00:05:23,711
One more thing.
126
00:05:23,712 --> 00:05:26,658
I can't seem to find my sticky notes.
127
00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:30,728
Found 'em.
128
00:05:30,729 --> 00:05:33,037
You always pick out
such beautiful colors.
129
00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:35,707
I like lavender the best. It's so vivid.
130
00:05:35,708 --> 00:05:38,724
So, what's on your social
calendar this evening?
131
00:05:38,725 --> 00:05:40,304
Practicing holding my breath.
132
00:05:40,334 --> 00:05:42,040
In case of a chemical attack.
133
00:05:42,070 --> 00:05:43,294
Oh, sounds fun.
134
00:05:43,324 --> 00:05:44,863
Know what else is fun?
135
00:05:45,731 --> 00:05:48,650
Salsa dancing.
136
00:05:56,765 --> 00:05:58,728
Lavender's a good color on you.
137
00:05:58,729 --> 00:06:00,649
- True.
- Hey, favor?
138
00:06:00,650 --> 00:06:01,716
Not really my thing.
139
00:06:01,717 --> 00:06:03,707
I need help finding a
friend from high school...
140
00:06:03,708 --> 00:06:05,716
Francis "Fern" Fernberger.
141
00:06:05,717 --> 00:06:07,724
She's a ghost on social media.
142
00:06:07,725 --> 00:06:09,023
Try Google.
143
00:06:09,053 --> 00:06:10,240
I get a thousand pages
144
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,716
for a veggie restaurant chain,
145
00:06:11,717 --> 00:06:13,165
Fernburgers.
146
00:06:13,195 --> 00:06:15,649
So you want me to see if she's
ordered anything from Cybermart?
147
00:06:15,650 --> 00:06:17,283
Ugh. Fine, I'll do it.
148
00:06:17,313 --> 00:06:19,674
But only because it's
against company policy.
149
00:06:20,738 --> 00:06:22,238
Found Your SoulMate!
150
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:23,707
So how's the prowl?
151
00:06:23,708 --> 00:06:26,695
Oh, it is a dude buffet.
152
00:06:26,696 --> 00:06:29,979
Outdoorsy guys, bankers, bikers, gamers,
153
00:06:30,009 --> 00:06:32,674
one guy who makes his own cheese.
154
00:06:32,675 --> 00:06:36,695
You know, all these
acronyms... ISO, LTR, DTF...
155
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:38,279
which I figure is Downtown Friend...
156
00:06:38,309 --> 00:06:39,968
Something like that.
157
00:06:39,998 --> 00:06:41,319
Oh, found your Fernberger.
158
00:06:41,349 --> 00:06:43,169
She is a Cybermart customer.
159
00:06:43,199 --> 00:06:46,649
- Tell me everything.
- Um, it's totally confidential, so...
160
00:06:46,679 --> 00:06:48,429
what do you want to know?
161
00:06:48,558 --> 00:06:51,207
What did... what did she last order?
162
00:06:51,754 --> 00:06:53,392
Let's see.
163
00:06:53,422 --> 00:06:57,150
Oh, 400 pounds of
Hungry Whiskers Cat Food.
164
00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:58,699
I knew it.
165
00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:00,373
Crazy cat lady.
166
00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:03,707
Her life is a clich�
and it's all my fault.
167
00:07:03,708 --> 00:07:04,889
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
168
00:07:04,919 --> 00:07:06,406
And by bathroom, I mean smoke a joint.
169
00:07:06,436 --> 00:07:08,320
And If I accidentally
keep your friend's info up,
170
00:07:08,350 --> 00:07:10,695
I can't prevent you from
accidentally seeing it.
171
00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:12,654
- Thank you.
- No problem.
172
00:07:14,985 --> 00:07:16,512
I'm tellin' you, T-Cakes,
173
00:07:16,542 --> 00:07:18,499
Douglas is gettin' vibes.
174
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:20,122
Deirdre's majorly into us.
175
00:07:20,152 --> 00:07:22,012
- Uh, Douglas?
- My manhood.
176
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,041
It's a family name.
177
00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:24,366
She knows when she whispers,
178
00:07:24,396 --> 00:07:26,228
it drives him loco.
179
00:07:26,258 --> 00:07:28,982
She's playin' some sort of
sadistic sex game with us.
180
00:07:28,983 --> 00:07:30,121
It can't happen.
181
00:07:30,151 --> 00:07:31,353
I mean, I'm her assistant.
182
00:07:31,383 --> 00:07:33,774
And plus, I'm in a very
serious relationship
183
00:07:33,804 --> 00:07:35,144
with my Internet girlfriend.
184
00:07:35,174 --> 00:07:36,407
Who may not exist.
185
00:07:36,437 --> 00:07:39,476
@WinnieCooper534 is real!
186
00:07:39,506 --> 00:07:42,766
And I've been catfished
enough times to know.
187
00:07:42,767 --> 00:07:44,367
This does not smell like catfish.
188
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:46,349
You know, maybe this
whole Deirdre situation
189
00:07:46,379 --> 00:07:49,968
is a sign that you and, uh, "Winnie"
190
00:07:49,998 --> 00:07:53,027
need to upgrade your
relationship to IRL.
191
00:07:53,458 --> 00:07:55,631
- You're right. It's time.
- Yeah.
192
00:07:55,661 --> 00:07:57,145
Luckily, we have procedures
193
00:07:57,175 --> 00:07:59,496
- already in place.
- _
194
00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:05,075
You okay? You're
grabbing your back and...
195
00:08:05,105 --> 00:08:06,615
Yeah, um...
196
00:08:06,977 --> 00:08:08,814
it's Bianca.
197
00:08:08,844 --> 00:08:11,080
- Mm. Purple hair?
- Purple hair. Wrestling.
198
00:08:11,110 --> 00:08:13,888
She's into something
called "sex combat."
199
00:08:13,918 --> 00:08:17,362
Whoa...
200
00:08:17,699 --> 00:08:19,387
no...
201
00:08:19,388 --> 00:08:22,679
no, you need to be
careful with that, T-Zone.
202
00:08:23,334 --> 00:08:25,399
Sh-She punched me in the pe...
203
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,361
I didn't hear you. Can you speak up?
204
00:08:27,362 --> 00:08:29,587
- Punched me in the...
- What?
205
00:08:29,617 --> 00:08:32,095
- She punched me in the penis!
- She punched you in the penis?
206
00:08:32,125 --> 00:08:33,518
Shh...
207
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,349
Did it hurt?
208
00:08:35,350 --> 00:08:36,357
Yeah.
209
00:08:36,358 --> 00:08:37,366
Was it, like, a straight...
210
00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:38,758
did she jab it, or was it, like,
211
00:08:38,788 --> 00:08:39,799
a left hook, or...
212
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,079
It's har... I was fast asleep.
213
00:08:41,109 --> 00:08:43,033
- I just woke up in pain.
- Oh...
214
00:08:43,063 --> 00:08:44,766
Anyway, that's why I'm filling out
215
00:08:44,767 --> 00:08:45,807
this TrueSoulMate app.
216
00:08:45,808 --> 00:08:47,092
- Oh.
- Mm.
217
00:08:47,122 --> 00:08:48,618
Instead of matching you
with a bunch of randoms,
218
00:08:48,648 --> 00:08:50,824
it just finds "the one."
219
00:08:50,825 --> 00:08:52,787
For you.
220
00:08:52,788 --> 00:08:54,766
All you got to do is upload a photo.
221
00:08:57,728 --> 00:08:59,393
Just like that, I'm back on the market.
222
00:09:00,792 --> 00:09:03,657
Ah. And I got a hot date.
223
00:09:03,687 --> 00:09:05,221
Oh!
224
00:09:05,251 --> 00:09:07,791
"Affirmative. Meeting protocol engaged."
225
00:09:07,792 --> 00:09:09,062
Yeah!
226
00:09:09,092 --> 00:09:11,142
- That's hot.
- Yeah, that is hot.
227
00:09:11,172 --> 00:09:13,292
- Super hot.
- Yeah, we're hot.
228
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,795
I'm standing outside Fern's place
229
00:09:15,796 --> 00:09:16,811
and you know what, I'm really starting
230
00:09:16,812 --> 00:09:18,330
to rethink this whole thing.
231
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,602
Why don't I just do
something else on my list?
232
00:09:20,632 --> 00:09:21,753
There's so much.
233
00:09:21,754 --> 00:09:23,799
Because we both need
to confront our regrets
234
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,229
while we still have the chance.
235
00:09:25,259 --> 00:09:26,811
It's too much. You know, once I see her,
236
00:09:26,812 --> 00:09:28,519
I'm gonna have to own the fact
237
00:09:28,549 --> 00:09:29,778
that I turned her into
238
00:09:29,779 --> 00:09:30,807
the type of person who
has a Kitty Playground sign
239
00:09:30,808 --> 00:09:31,807
on her front door.
240
00:09:31,808 --> 00:09:34,704
- Evie. You can do this.
- I'm bailing.
241
00:09:36,593 --> 00:09:38,243
Evie Covington?!
242
00:09:39,762 --> 00:09:42,829
Hey... Fern.
243
00:09:48,024 --> 00:09:49,773
What are you doing here?
244
00:09:49,803 --> 00:09:52,570
I... just looked you up.
245
00:09:52,571 --> 00:09:54,591
I... wanted to say hi.
246
00:09:54,592 --> 00:09:57,579
Hi. Come here, let
me have a look at you.
247
00:09:59,650 --> 00:10:02,797
I mean... still amazing as ever.
248
00:10:02,827 --> 00:10:05,053
You... too.
249
00:10:05,432 --> 00:10:06,549
Do you live here?
250
00:10:06,550 --> 00:10:07,870
I work here.
251
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,882
Yeah, I-I started Best
Pals Animal Sanctuary
252
00:10:09,883 --> 00:10:11,072
after grad school.
253
00:10:11,102 --> 00:10:12,620
Oh.
254
00:10:12,650 --> 00:10:13,678
It's so fulfilling.
255
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:14,691
Some days I wonder
256
00:10:14,692 --> 00:10:16,230
who is rescuing whom.
257
00:10:16,260 --> 00:10:17,966
Anyway, it is so great to see you.
258
00:10:17,996 --> 00:10:20,216
Come on in, let's catch up.
259
00:10:20,246 --> 00:10:23,032
Best Pals started as a small shelter
260
00:10:23,033 --> 00:10:25,020
dedicated to neglected cats.
261
00:10:25,021 --> 00:10:26,620
You probably saw the throwback
262
00:10:26,650 --> 00:10:28,024
Kitty Playground sign on the door.
263
00:10:28,025 --> 00:10:30,486
Oh, I... no, I didn't catch that, no.
264
00:10:30,516 --> 00:10:31,978
Over the years, we've expanded
265
00:10:31,979 --> 00:10:33,624
our shelters to 15 countries.
266
00:10:33,654 --> 00:10:34,987
We now rescue
267
00:10:34,988 --> 00:10:37,541
just about every kind
of animal in need of love
268
00:10:37,571 --> 00:10:40,045
and nurturing and antibiotics.
269
00:10:40,796 --> 00:10:42,549
Like Rosie.
270
00:10:42,579 --> 00:10:44,665
Oh!
271
00:10:44,695 --> 00:10:46,982
Hi.
272
00:10:46,983 --> 00:10:50,469
Her mom was rescued
from a flood in Uruguay.
273
00:10:50,499 --> 00:10:52,024
- Wow.
- Yeah.
274
00:10:52,025 --> 00:10:54,024
I never swam so hard in my life.
275
00:10:55,602 --> 00:10:57,292
Oh, well...
276
00:10:57,792 --> 00:11:01,562
I... I can't tell you
how relieved I am to see
277
00:11:01,592 --> 00:11:03,549
what a success you are, Fern.
278
00:11:03,550 --> 00:11:04,948
- Relieved?
- Yeah...
279
00:11:04,978 --> 00:11:08,181
that first day of sophomore year...
280
00:11:08,457 --> 00:11:10,549
I always felt terrible
about skipping out
281
00:11:10,550 --> 00:11:13,090
on our color guard cocaptain tryouts.
282
00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:14,703
I'm so sorry.
283
00:11:14,733 --> 00:11:17,077
Well, that was ages ago.
284
00:11:17,107 --> 00:11:19,541
I know. I've just been
worried this whole time that
285
00:11:19,571 --> 00:11:22,299
I might've derailed your life
in some way because of it.
286
00:11:22,329 --> 00:11:23,576
Do I looked derailed?
287
00:11:23,606 --> 00:11:26,274
Gosh, no. You look gorg.
288
00:11:26,304 --> 00:11:27,678
All caps.
289
00:11:27,708 --> 00:11:28,716
And you're doing everything
290
00:11:28,717 --> 00:11:30,115
that I ever dreamed of.
291
00:11:30,145 --> 00:11:32,115
- What do you mean?
- Well, I'd love to travel the world,
292
00:11:32,145 --> 00:11:33,878
give back in some meaningful way, so
293
00:11:33,908 --> 00:11:35,437
I've been trying to transfer
294
00:11:35,467 --> 00:11:38,070
into my company's cyber
division, CyberHugs.
295
00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:40,103
And there's an open spot
they're going to fill
296
00:11:40,104 --> 00:11:43,213
by the end of the month and
I think I have a good shot.
297
00:11:43,243 --> 00:11:44,368
Found your soul mate!
298
00:11:44,398 --> 00:11:45,731
Oh. Ugh.
299
00:11:45,761 --> 00:11:48,395
Sorry, my friend signed me
up for these dating apps.
300
00:11:48,425 --> 00:11:50,393
- Holy...
- Shiatsu. Look for an envelope
301
00:11:50,423 --> 00:11:53,173
with the word "Shiatsu."
It's our code word.
302
00:11:54,488 --> 00:11:55,751
Oh.
303
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,107
Found your soul mate!
304
00:11:57,108 --> 00:11:58,630
Oh, good lord.
305
00:11:58,660 --> 00:11:59,828
Bingo.
306
00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:08,373
Oh... man, that's really...
307
00:12:08,403 --> 00:12:09,861
Unbelievable.
308
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,122
This guy's my ex...
309
00:12:11,152 --> 00:12:13,533
and that's my arm he
chopped out of my own photo.
310
00:12:13,563 --> 00:12:14,887
But you match.
311
00:12:14,888 --> 00:12:16,082
Maybe that's a sign you guys
312
00:12:16,112 --> 00:12:17,962
are meant to be, after all.
313
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:19,570
No.
314
00:12:19,828 --> 00:12:20,824
No, I mean there's always
315
00:12:20,854 --> 00:12:21,882
that part of you that has
316
00:12:21,883 --> 00:12:23,863
a hard time letting go of an ex, but...
317
00:12:23,893 --> 00:12:25,849
I've moved on.
318
00:12:25,850 --> 00:12:27,861
Oh, why do I have to reject him again?
319
00:12:27,862 --> 00:12:30,153
It's just salt in the wound.
320
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:32,466
Maybe you should wait for him to do it.
321
00:12:32,828 --> 00:12:33,861
Yeah.
322
00:12:35,654 --> 00:12:37,661
This is nice.
323
00:12:37,662 --> 00:12:40,349
That we can just pick
right up where we left off.
324
00:12:40,379 --> 00:12:42,442
It is nice.
325
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,174
I just got the most fab idea.
326
00:12:45,204 --> 00:12:47,600
If we have any positions open here...
327
00:12:47,630 --> 00:12:49,650
wouldn't it be fun to make a difference,
328
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:51,085
you know, together?
329
00:12:51,115 --> 00:12:53,747
Wow, that would be amazing.
330
00:12:53,777 --> 00:12:55,653
Uh, but I'd... you know,
I'd have to think it through.
331
00:12:55,654 --> 00:12:56,666
Great, let's get lunch tomorrow.
332
00:12:56,667 --> 00:12:57,949
We'll noodle it over.
333
00:12:57,979 --> 00:13:00,340
I'd love that, but I normally eat lunch
334
00:13:00,370 --> 00:13:02,033
in our cafeteria at work.
335
00:13:02,063 --> 00:13:05,003
However, tomorrow is Tater Tot Tuesday,
336
00:13:05,033 --> 00:13:06,061
if you want to join.
337
00:13:06,062 --> 00:13:07,651
I would love to.
338
00:13:07,681 --> 00:13:08,720
Fun Fern Fact,
339
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:10,570
Tater Tots are my fave.
340
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,599
I remember.
341
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,170
Okay, great, well, I will...
I'll see you tomorrow then.
342
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:16,241
She plays with puppies
343
00:13:16,242 --> 00:13:19,278
all day... and, Fun Fern Fact,
344
00:13:19,279 --> 00:13:23,669
she's been to Uruguay
and Cambodia and Estonia.
345
00:13:23,699 --> 00:13:26,009
You know, I guess I didn't
ruin her life after all.
346
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:29,401
Brilliant. Then you can
cross 17 off your list.
347
00:13:32,763 --> 00:13:35,199
Uh... come to think of it,
348
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:37,562
Fern never actually accepted my apology.
349
00:13:37,592 --> 00:13:38,954
I'm so sorry.
350
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:41,274
Well, that was ages ago.
351
00:13:41,275 --> 00:13:43,020
Yeah, but you made the apology.
352
00:13:43,050 --> 00:13:45,151
- That's what counts.
- No, but my number 17
353
00:13:45,181 --> 00:13:47,578
was "Get Fern's forgiveness."
354
00:13:47,608 --> 00:13:49,758
I don't think I've done that yet.
355
00:13:50,616 --> 00:13:51,618
Maybe she didn't think
356
00:13:51,648 --> 00:13:54,116
I was being sincere.
357
00:13:54,608 --> 00:13:58,066
Tomorrow at lunch, I am
gonna apologize so hard,
358
00:13:58,067 --> 00:13:59,107
Fern won't know what hit her.
359
00:13:59,108 --> 00:14:01,066
Yeah, I like your style.
360
00:14:01,067 --> 00:14:02,091
A sincerity tsunami.
361
00:14:03,121 --> 00:14:05,103
How's the baseball hunt going?
362
00:14:05,104 --> 00:14:06,630
Eh, good news and bad news.
363
00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:08,074
Okay, give me the good news.
364
00:14:08,075 --> 00:14:11,120
- I found the baseball card.
- That was fast.
365
00:14:11,121 --> 00:14:12,367
Actually, it wasn't that hard to track.
366
00:14:12,397 --> 00:14:14,906
The serial number was a factorial prime.
367
00:14:14,936 --> 00:14:16,599
Hot nerd alert.
368
00:14:16,629 --> 00:14:18,082
Okay.
369
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:19,748
What is the bad news?
370
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,049
- We can't steal that.
- _
371
00:14:26,050 --> 00:14:28,774
It's already stolen, Evie.
372
00:14:28,804 --> 00:14:31,804
We're just gonna return
it to its rightful owner.
373
00:14:36,027 --> 00:14:37,787
- Ow.
- You're on my foot.
374
00:14:37,817 --> 00:14:39,316
I'm just trying to get my arm...
375
00:14:39,346 --> 00:14:40,345
ow... unpinned.
376
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:42,156
- Ow.
- Shh, shh, shh.
377
00:14:42,186 --> 00:14:42,949
You okay?
378
00:14:42,979 --> 00:14:44,328
Here's the plan, all right?
379
00:14:44,329 --> 00:14:45,859
Once the museum closes,
380
00:14:45,889 --> 00:14:47,320
we're gonna slip out of here,
381
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:50,337
we're gonna swap the Frank
Thomas card for this one.
382
00:14:50,338 --> 00:14:52,307
What? No, Frank Thomas
is way better looking
383
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:53,307
than Nolan Ryan.
384
00:14:53,308 --> 00:14:54,320
Yeah, but Ryan's cards
385
00:14:54,321 --> 00:14:55,591
are more valuable.
386
00:14:55,621 --> 00:14:57,299
Museum's getting it for a steal.
387
00:14:59,373 --> 00:15:02,332
So, um... how's-how's the whole, um...
388
00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:04,702
ethical non-monogamy journey going?
389
00:15:04,732 --> 00:15:05,857
Good.
390
00:15:06,288 --> 00:15:07,503
- Different, you know?
- Mm.
391
00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:08,793
You? Yours?
392
00:15:08,823 --> 00:15:11,541
Yeah, you know, I'm, um...
393
00:15:11,847 --> 00:15:13,175
journeying.
394
00:15:15,726 --> 00:15:17,541
- So, um...
- Yeah?
395
00:15:17,571 --> 00:15:20,617
What should we do
until the museum closes?
396
00:15:34,255 --> 00:15:35,516
Busted.
397
00:15:37,927 --> 00:15:38,806
You're not the first couple
398
00:15:38,836 --> 00:15:41,093
to go for a home run in that locker.
399
00:15:41,123 --> 00:15:42,516
I'm gonna have to take you in.
400
00:15:42,517 --> 00:15:43,537
No, come on, mate.
401
00:15:43,538 --> 00:15:44,901
You don't want to do that.
402
00:15:45,246 --> 00:15:46,395
I don't?
403
00:15:46,425 --> 00:15:48,412
Well, think of all the paperwork.
404
00:15:49,736 --> 00:15:51,466
Well, there might be
something we can work out.
405
00:15:51,467 --> 00:15:53,177
Uh, all right, n-name it.
406
00:15:53,207 --> 00:15:55,400
A kiss... with tongue.
407
00:15:56,454 --> 00:15:59,139
Kissing a law officer's
on my list, so...
408
00:15:59,169 --> 00:16:01,074
Okay, deal.
409
00:16:01,749 --> 00:16:03,673
No, not-not you.
410
00:16:03,703 --> 00:16:04,755
Him.
411
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:06,976
Oh.
412
00:16:09,158 --> 00:16:10,224
Okay.
413
00:16:10,425 --> 00:16:11,425
Okay?
414
00:16:13,927 --> 00:16:15,388
Mm.
415
00:16:34,825 --> 00:16:35,825
Mm.
416
00:16:37,362 --> 00:16:39,391
So... do you want to...
417
00:16:39,392 --> 00:16:41,396
hit any more bases or are we good?
418
00:16:42,687 --> 00:16:44,421
Great.
419
00:16:44,790 --> 00:16:47,320
_
420
00:16:47,350 --> 00:16:49,350
Um.
421
00:16:50,412 --> 00:16:52,559
- Win-win.
- Boom!
422
00:16:52,589 --> 00:16:55,120
You have big balls for a lady.
423
00:16:55,150 --> 00:16:56,149
Say again?
424
00:16:56,150 --> 00:16:57,996
You've been shopping around.
425
00:16:58,026 --> 00:16:59,128
I just hung up
426
00:16:59,129 --> 00:17:00,720
with a Francis Fernberger.
427
00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:01,761
Fern.
428
00:17:01,762 --> 00:17:03,088
She informed me you're to have
429
00:17:03,118 --> 00:17:04,761
lunch today to discuss a job
430
00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:06,737
at Best Pals Animal Shelter.
431
00:17:06,738 --> 00:17:08,490
Oh. No.
432
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,741
Well, Fern's an old friend,
433
00:17:10,742 --> 00:17:12,724
so she mentioned a possible job,
434
00:17:12,725 --> 00:17:16,167
but in a, in a very theoretical way.
435
00:17:16,408 --> 00:17:20,745
As you know, the CyberHugs
position is still up for grabs.
436
00:17:20,746 --> 00:17:23,393
Your name crossed my mind...
437
00:17:23,423 --> 00:17:24,403
in a very...
438
00:17:24,433 --> 00:17:26,473
theoretical way...
439
00:17:26,783 --> 00:17:27,711
but now I am
440
00:17:27,712 --> 00:17:29,276
tempted to put the kibosh on it.
441
00:17:29,306 --> 00:17:31,345
No, please, don't... don't kibosh it.
442
00:17:31,375 --> 00:17:36,349
Luckily for you, I
found Fern delightful.
443
00:17:36,350 --> 00:17:38,387
She's a remarkable woman.
444
00:17:38,388 --> 00:17:42,416
Yeah, she can execute a Peggy
Spin better than anyone I know.
445
00:17:43,113 --> 00:17:45,008
It's a flag thing, just, never mind.
446
00:17:45,038 --> 00:17:47,995
I, uh, would like to
probe her brain for ways
447
00:17:47,996 --> 00:17:50,520
to improve our CyberHugs program.
448
00:17:50,550 --> 00:17:55,174
I could be swayed to
unkibosh my recommendation
449
00:17:55,204 --> 00:17:57,879
should you choose to set up
a lunch for Fern and myself.
450
00:17:57,909 --> 00:18:00,994
You... you want to
eat Tater Tots with us?
451
00:18:01,024 --> 00:18:02,612
Your attendance is optional.
452
00:18:15,308 --> 00:18:16,421
I'm supposed to be here alone.
453
00:18:16,451 --> 00:18:18,520
Get... get back to your bench.
454
00:18:18,550 --> 00:18:19,915
- I'm breaking protocol.
- Stop it.
455
00:18:19,945 --> 00:18:21,624
I'm bored.
456
00:18:21,855 --> 00:18:23,603
Oh, oh, oh!
457
00:18:24,212 --> 00:18:25,399
Go time.
458
00:18:25,429 --> 00:18:27,024
What? She's, like, 90.
459
00:18:27,054 --> 00:18:28,103
With polymer
460
00:18:28,104 --> 00:18:29,895
latex prosthetics,
Winnie could look any age.
461
00:18:29,925 --> 00:18:31,925
_
462
00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:34,730
Bianca still hittin' you up?
463
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,937
Yeah. She wants to "chokeslam" me.
464
00:18:36,938 --> 00:18:37,966
I'm starting to get worried
465
00:18:37,967 --> 00:18:39,945
about your sex wrestling, tea bag.
466
00:18:39,946 --> 00:18:41,966
Yeah. Me, too.
467
00:18:41,967 --> 00:18:44,966
The Boston Crab isn't
nearly as fun as it sounds.
468
00:18:44,967 --> 00:18:46,762
Well, that doesn't sound fun at all.
469
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,795
Your soul mate is waiting.
470
00:18:48,796 --> 00:18:49,796
Damn!
471
00:18:50,235 --> 00:18:53,824
You still haven't pulled
the trigger on Evie?
472
00:18:54,149 --> 00:18:55,149
I just...
473
00:18:56,527 --> 00:18:58,061
I just keep thinking that...
474
00:18:58,091 --> 00:19:00,043
You know, maybe it's a sign...
475
00:19:00,073 --> 00:19:02,803
that we should still be together.
476
00:19:02,804 --> 00:19:05,766
Here's a sign. Wake up and reject her
477
00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:07,010
before she rejects you.
478
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:08,368
Again.
479
00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:09,398
All right.
480
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:11,816
I'm sorry.
481
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,483
Just... tough love.
482
00:19:13,513 --> 00:19:15,000
No. No, I get it.
483
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,774
I get it.
484
00:19:17,341 --> 00:19:19,530
Oh, hey, look, a food vendor.
485
00:19:20,602 --> 00:19:23,778
Shall I order you the catfish?
486
00:19:27,745 --> 00:19:29,176
She's real.
487
00:19:29,659 --> 00:19:31,616
Hey, um, yesterday in your office,
488
00:19:31,646 --> 00:19:33,170
I think there was some confusion.
489
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,224
I wasn't trying to get a new job,
490
00:19:35,225 --> 00:19:38,049
so when you called my boss,
I mean, it kind of, uh,
491
00:19:38,079 --> 00:19:40,007
it kind of got me in hot water.
492
00:19:40,008 --> 00:19:41,862
Evie, I feel terrible.
493
00:19:41,892 --> 00:19:43,531
It was just a standard reference check.
494
00:19:43,561 --> 00:19:44,941
I guess I got excited at the prospect
495
00:19:44,942 --> 00:19:47,208
of working with a friend.
496
00:19:47,238 --> 00:19:48,346
I'm so sorry.
497
00:19:48,376 --> 00:19:52,874
That's okay. I totally forgive you.
498
00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:54,891
And again, I want to reiterate
499
00:19:54,892 --> 00:19:56,920
how genuinely sorry I am
500
00:19:56,921 --> 00:19:59,891
about what happened back in high school.
501
00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:03,438
Oh, is that Deirdre?
502
00:20:04,879 --> 00:20:06,850
Yeah. It is.
503
00:20:07,850 --> 00:20:08,907
This is unreal.
504
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,098
What brings the X-man
505
00:20:10,128 --> 00:20:11,920
to my Wesylum?
506
00:20:11,921 --> 00:20:17,546
Well, I came across something of yours.
507
00:20:23,372 --> 00:20:24,907
Where did you find it, bro?
508
00:20:24,908 --> 00:20:26,896
Uh, in a case.
509
00:20:28,178 --> 00:20:30,941
An old Color Me Badd
CD case, probably yours.
510
00:20:30,942 --> 00:20:33,186
Well, thank you for
bringing it back, man.
511
00:20:33,216 --> 00:20:35,907
Oh, that is absolutely my pleasure, man.
512
00:20:35,908 --> 00:20:38,887
Um, well, this has been
great catching up, but...
513
00:20:38,888 --> 00:20:40,857
Hey, hey, hey, you know what's funny?
514
00:20:40,858 --> 00:20:42,895
Our cleaning lady
growing up, Mrs. Barnes,
515
00:20:42,896 --> 00:20:44,954
she got fired over this.
516
00:20:45,644 --> 00:20:46,575
What?
517
00:20:46,605 --> 00:20:48,139
Yeah, we figured she
was the one who took it,
518
00:20:48,169 --> 00:20:50,069
so my dad friggin' axed her.
519
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,733
Do you know what happened to her?
520
00:20:55,763 --> 00:20:56,926
Who knows?
521
00:20:57,460 --> 00:21:00,397
Relax, bro, it's, uh, it's
not the end of the world.
522
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:03,867
Yeah... pretend like it is.
523
00:21:05,316 --> 00:21:08,302
Well, uh, she kept sending
me birthday cards every year.
524
00:21:08,332 --> 00:21:10,108
I could dig 'em up, see if
there's a return address.
525
00:21:10,138 --> 00:21:11,365
That would be great.
526
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,899
That would be beyond great.
527
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,566
And then, in ninth grade,
528
00:21:16,567 --> 00:21:18,591
Evie snarted in Brent Wellman's minivan
529
00:21:18,592 --> 00:21:20,170
after soccer practice.
530
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:23,832
Oh, wait, back up. What's a snart?
531
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,611
I've never laughed this hard sober.
532
00:21:28,612 --> 00:21:30,549
Evie, why have you been
533
00:21:30,550 --> 00:21:33,409
keeping Fern from us all this time?
534
00:21:33,439 --> 00:21:35,866
Oh, you know, friends drift apart.
535
00:21:35,896 --> 00:21:37,566
Yeah, Evie joined the volleyball team,
536
00:21:37,567 --> 00:21:39,217
so we both made new friends.
537
00:21:39,872 --> 00:21:43,616
David... oh, Michael. Guys, can I eat?
538
00:21:44,326 --> 00:21:46,587
Fun Fern Fact, those lunches
539
00:21:46,588 --> 00:21:49,561
inspired me to start Best
Pals Animal Sanctuary.
540
00:21:49,562 --> 00:21:52,329
Because a bond with an animal
541
00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:54,624
is a bond for life.
542
00:21:54,625 --> 00:21:57,674
That's like the saddest best story ever.
543
00:21:57,704 --> 00:21:59,678
Animals, if properly
neutered and cleaned,
544
00:21:59,708 --> 00:22:00,732
can have value.
545
00:22:00,733 --> 00:22:02,943
We had a pet turkey named Pretzel
546
00:22:02,973 --> 00:22:04,135
when I was a child.
547
00:22:04,165 --> 00:22:06,366
And he, of course, was slaughtered
548
00:22:06,396 --> 00:22:07,953
one year for Thanksgiving.
549
00:22:07,983 --> 00:22:12,240
To this day, I can't bring
myself to eat pretzels.
550
00:22:12,704 --> 00:22:14,703
I can't eat pretzels either.
551
00:22:14,704 --> 00:22:18,441
- It's a gluten thing.
- CyberHugs does not yet have
552
00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:21,731
an animal rescue branch,
but it certainly should.
553
00:22:21,761 --> 00:22:25,795
And I think someone with your
experience should launch it.
554
00:22:26,896 --> 00:22:30,720
Well, Fern has a lot on her
plate with her own organization.
555
00:22:30,721 --> 00:22:33,054
But if it were a consulting thing...
556
00:22:33,084 --> 00:22:34,434
Terrific.
557
00:22:34,464 --> 00:22:37,545
You can vet each animal charity
558
00:22:37,575 --> 00:22:40,532
to determine the ones most
worthy of CyberHugs' donation.
559
00:22:40,562 --> 00:22:41,881
No.
560
00:22:41,911 --> 00:22:44,610
I mean, no way.
That's-that's so exciting.
561
00:22:46,150 --> 00:22:47,874
Welcome aboard, Fern.
562
00:22:47,904 --> 00:22:50,178
This is starting to get out of control.
563
00:22:50,179 --> 00:22:53,137
That stupid baseball card
didn't just affect my mate...
564
00:22:53,138 --> 00:22:55,170
it ruined some poor
cleaning lady's life as well.
565
00:22:55,171 --> 00:22:57,145
And now I've got to go
find out where she lives
566
00:22:57,146 --> 00:22:58,991
so I can apologize. Ugh!
567
00:22:59,021 --> 00:23:01,576
This was supposed to be an
easy one to cross off the list.
568
00:23:01,606 --> 00:23:03,815
Heavy load, man.
569
00:23:04,332 --> 00:23:07,016
How's, uh, number 1259
570
00:23:07,017 --> 00:23:09,016
on the apocalyst comin' along?
571
00:23:09,017 --> 00:23:13,016
I am still trying to be Zen on that one.
572
00:23:13,017 --> 00:23:16,024
But just the thought
of Evie with other guys,
573
00:23:16,025 --> 00:23:19,537
it's just like a shiv
twisting in my side.
574
00:23:19,567 --> 00:23:23,547
Okay. Time for a coffee metaphor.
575
00:23:23,577 --> 00:23:26,156
Ever have Tanzania peaberry?
576
00:23:26,553 --> 00:23:28,503
Most people can't stomach it.
577
00:23:29,041 --> 00:23:30,387
Too acidic.
578
00:23:30,417 --> 00:23:34,058
But if you drink
enough, the body adapts.
579
00:23:34,885 --> 00:23:36,385
Or you get an ulcer.
580
00:23:41,706 --> 00:23:44,999
Oh, wow. I didn't know
that could be pierced.
581
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,032
Uh, breeds box turtles?
582
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:52,020
Is that a thumb or, uh...
583
00:23:57,054 --> 00:23:58,421
... in the environmental, health,
584
00:23:58,451 --> 00:24:01,062
and educational fields...
585
00:24:01,744 --> 00:24:03,331
Nice of you to join us.
586
00:24:03,361 --> 00:24:07,199
Sorry. I didn't realize
we had a meeting scheduled.
587
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,827
I e-mailed everyone last night.
588
00:24:08,857 --> 00:24:10,207
Proceeds earmarked
589
00:24:10,208 --> 00:24:13,203
for the animal welfare
branch will benefit
590
00:24:13,204 --> 00:24:16,506
outfits like... Purrrfect Rescue.
591
00:24:19,559 --> 00:24:21,830
- Okay, any questions?
- Ooh!
592
00:24:21,860 --> 00:24:25,157
Um, Hank. Is that the same organization
593
00:24:25,158 --> 00:24:26,588
that plays the Sarah McLachlan music?
594
00:24:26,618 --> 00:24:29,228
It isn't, Hank, but, Fun Fern Fact,
595
00:24:29,229 --> 00:24:32,980
I am helping them secure
an Evanescence ballad.
596
00:24:34,497 --> 00:24:36,565
All right, that's my spiel.
597
00:24:36,595 --> 00:24:39,616
Um, but before you go, I
just wanted to thank everyone
598
00:24:39,646 --> 00:24:41,942
for making me feel so welcome.
599
00:24:41,972 --> 00:24:45,337
I've never had a job that
felt so much like family.
600
00:24:54,300 --> 00:24:57,341
H-Hey, uh, I-I never
got your e-mail, Fern.
601
00:24:57,342 --> 00:24:59,345
Hmm, that's strange.
602
00:24:59,636 --> 00:25:02,676
Oh, I accidentally misspelled your name.
603
00:25:02,706 --> 00:25:04,798
"Evil Covington."
604
00:25:04,828 --> 00:25:06,983
I'm so sorry.
605
00:25:14,069 --> 00:25:17,345
That bitch has it out for me.
606
00:25:25,408 --> 00:25:27,407
For crying out loud, Evie.
607
00:25:27,408 --> 00:25:29,802
Are you trying to
turn me into a snarter?
608
00:25:29,832 --> 00:25:31,816
Do you have a minute?
It's-it's about Fern.
609
00:25:31,846 --> 00:25:33,807
Oh. She's tremendous.
610
00:25:33,808 --> 00:25:35,302
I just put a call into corporate.
611
00:25:35,332 --> 00:25:36,807
I don't think we're gonna have to fill
612
00:25:36,808 --> 00:25:38,381
that full-time CyberHugs
position after all.
613
00:25:38,411 --> 00:25:40,519
No, but that was supposed
to be my position.
614
00:25:40,549 --> 00:25:42,857
Frankly, your loyalty issues concern me.
615
00:25:42,858 --> 00:25:44,489
You took an employment interview
616
00:25:44,519 --> 00:25:45,610
- elsewhere,
- No, that wasn't...
617
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:46,866
skipped out on our
animal launch meeting...
618
00:25:46,867 --> 00:25:48,824
She never sent me the e-mail.
619
00:25:48,825 --> 00:25:50,824
The animals don't want
your excuses, Evie,
620
00:25:50,825 --> 00:25:52,385
and neither do I.
621
00:25:53,023 --> 00:25:54,162
Fern won't accept
622
00:25:54,192 --> 00:25:55,849
my apology, she embarrassed me
623
00:25:55,850 --> 00:25:58,799
in front of my colleagues,
and she stole my dream job.
624
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,302
You know, I think she has it out for me.
625
00:26:01,332 --> 00:26:03,049
Babe, you sound more paranoid than Hank.
626
00:26:03,050 --> 00:26:05,578
Fern's awesome. Warm
heart, beautiful soul...
627
00:26:05,608 --> 00:26:07,057
What did she give you?
628
00:26:07,058 --> 00:26:09,057
Her company's box seats
to the hockey game.
629
00:26:09,058 --> 00:26:11,045
There's something about
a man with missing teeth...
630
00:26:11,046 --> 00:26:13,046
- Never mind.
- It was just a gift
631
00:26:13,076 --> 00:26:14,974
for setting her up on TrueSoulMate.
632
00:26:15,004 --> 00:26:16,593
Speaking of which, how's
the bone patrol going?
633
00:26:16,623 --> 00:26:18,706
Have you PNP'd any VGLs?
634
00:26:18,736 --> 00:26:20,049
Good-ish.
635
00:26:20,050 --> 00:26:22,837
Did you know dogs can sniff
out buried human remains
636
00:26:22,867 --> 00:26:24,888
better than any machine?
637
00:26:25,896 --> 00:26:27,699
Gnarliest barrel ever. Dropped in,
638
00:26:27,729 --> 00:26:29,156
got sucked up, hit the lip.
639
00:26:29,186 --> 00:26:30,279
It was like, baw!
640
00:26:30,309 --> 00:26:32,049
My doctor thinks it's allergies.
641
00:26:32,050 --> 00:26:34,622
I'm allergic to mold.
A-And some pollens.
642
00:26:34,652 --> 00:26:37,074
Greek salad. Leg hair...
643
00:26:37,075 --> 00:26:40,016
Lots of fascinating folks out there.
644
00:26:40,017 --> 00:26:42,467
Your soul mate is still waiting.
645
00:26:44,995 --> 00:26:47,091
Why won't he do it first?
646
00:26:47,092 --> 00:26:49,057
Enough with this game
of TrueSoulMate chicken.
647
00:26:49,058 --> 00:26:52,000
You already hit that,
so let's quit that.
648
00:26:58,625 --> 00:27:00,011
Soul mate rejected.
649
00:27:00,012 --> 00:27:02,091
What's the damage, Golden-T?
650
00:27:02,092 --> 00:27:04,561
Oh. You see that? That's your sign.
651
00:27:04,591 --> 00:27:06,911
You need to quit waiting
around like a chump.
652
00:27:06,941 --> 00:27:09,543
- Oh, I'm no chump.
- You're damn right you're no chump.
653
00:27:09,573 --> 00:27:11,556
You're a choke-slammin',
face-bustin' piledriver.
654
00:27:11,586 --> 00:27:13,487
- Hell yeah! Yeah?
- Yeah!
655
00:27:13,517 --> 00:27:16,041
Quit wastin' time and
get back in that ring.
656
00:27:16,042 --> 00:27:19,032
Just like I'm doin' with Winnie.
657
00:27:19,653 --> 00:27:21,032
She blew you off.
658
00:27:21,033 --> 00:27:23,637
It's 'cause she's a man in the Ukraine.
659
00:27:23,667 --> 00:27:26,453
No. She knew we broke protocol.
660
00:27:26,729 --> 00:27:29,281
I think she was that old
woman with the oxygen tank.
661
00:27:29,574 --> 00:27:31,057
But I got her to agree
to another meet-up.
662
00:27:31,058 --> 00:27:33,587
And I know she'll show
up next time. I know it.
663
00:27:33,932 --> 00:27:35,398
So come on.
664
00:27:35,428 --> 00:27:39,075
Okay. Here I go again.
665
00:27:54,008 --> 00:27:55,836
Hey. We need to talk.
666
00:27:56,647 --> 00:27:57,716
Everything okay?
667
00:27:57,746 --> 00:28:00,720
You wriggle into my life,
steal my friends, steal my job.
668
00:28:00,721 --> 00:28:02,657
And for what? To get even
for something that happened
669
00:28:02,687 --> 00:28:04,728
in high school a decade ago?
670
00:28:04,729 --> 00:28:07,745
Well, Fun Evie Fact, I'm
not gonna be bullied by you
671
00:28:07,746 --> 00:28:09,745
because I made an insensitive decision
672
00:28:09,746 --> 00:28:12,887
to join an after-school sport.
So you're right, it's on!
673
00:28:12,917 --> 00:28:14,741
It's so on I might spike this ball
674
00:28:14,742 --> 00:28:16,796
into your stupid little Fern face!
675
00:28:16,826 --> 00:28:18,382
Evie!
676
00:28:27,538 --> 00:28:28,745
What's all this?
677
00:28:28,746 --> 00:28:32,737
CyberHugs is donating athletic
equipment to inner city schools.
678
00:28:32,738 --> 00:28:35,007
"It's on" meant that
Deirdre approved it.
679
00:28:35,037 --> 00:28:37,837
So we're all pitching
in. I thought you knew.
680
00:28:38,956 --> 00:28:40,741
Fern, I'm so sorry. I promise
681
00:28:40,742 --> 00:28:42,988
- I'll-I'll...
- You'll what?
682
00:28:43,471 --> 00:28:45,281
Make it up to me?
683
00:28:46,264 --> 00:28:48,564
I think you could be our new spiker.
684
00:28:50,151 --> 00:28:52,675
Tryouts. Now.
685
00:28:55,683 --> 00:28:57,099
I'm so sorry.
686
00:28:57,129 --> 00:28:59,682
I promise I'll make it up to you.
687
00:29:16,708 --> 00:29:19,703
You do hold a grudge. I knew it.
688
00:29:19,704 --> 00:29:20,954
Of course I do.
689
00:29:21,195 --> 00:29:24,045
I spent three years
eating lunch with pigeons.
690
00:29:24,075 --> 00:29:25,402
- Fern, I...
- And when you showed up
691
00:29:25,432 --> 00:29:28,971
on my doorstep, it was the perfect
opportunity to make you suffer
692
00:29:29,001 --> 00:29:30,951
for everything you did to me.
693
00:29:31,333 --> 00:29:32,419
But then I met all these
694
00:29:32,449 --> 00:29:35,466
cool people you work
with, and they accepted me.
695
00:29:35,496 --> 00:29:37,060
I mean, this place
696
00:29:37,090 --> 00:29:40,457
is everything I always
wanted in high school.
697
00:29:40,458 --> 00:29:42,499
But I thought your colleagues
should have a chance
698
00:29:42,500 --> 00:29:43,848
to see your true colors.
699
00:29:43,878 --> 00:29:46,491
And now they have.
700
00:29:46,995 --> 00:29:48,499
I'm truly sorry,
701
00:29:48,500 --> 00:29:50,182
for everything.
702
00:29:50,212 --> 00:29:53,491
You keep saying that,
but the truth is...
703
00:29:53,492 --> 00:29:56,466
you never made it up to me.
704
00:29:56,467 --> 00:29:58,520
Being sorry doesn't change a thing.
705
00:30:16,100 --> 00:30:17,120
Hello, sir, um...
706
00:30:17,121 --> 00:30:19,420
- My name is...
- 30 minutes late,
707
00:30:19,450 --> 00:30:20,911
you don't even have the pizza.
708
00:30:20,941 --> 00:30:22,077
Honey!
709
00:30:22,107 --> 00:30:24,411
He forgot the pizza.
710
00:30:24,412 --> 00:30:26,461
My wife? She gets a little hangry.
711
00:30:26,462 --> 00:30:29,188
I-I don't have any pizza,
712
00:30:29,218 --> 00:30:31,466
Mr. Barnes. I'm here to
talk to your wife about...
713
00:30:31,467 --> 00:30:32,870
Barnes?
714
00:30:32,900 --> 00:30:35,008
You must be talking
about Annette Barnes.
715
00:30:35,038 --> 00:30:38,428
We bought the place
from her two years back.
716
00:30:38,429 --> 00:30:41,474
Do you have any idea where she is now?
717
00:30:43,421 --> 00:30:44,474
In conclusion,
718
00:30:44,475 --> 00:30:46,428
I just hope my behavior
wasn't responsible
719
00:30:46,429 --> 00:30:48,417
in any way for your...
720
00:30:49,417 --> 00:30:51,129
uh, current condition,
721
00:30:51,159 --> 00:30:53,412
Mrs. Barnes.
722
00:31:01,931 --> 00:31:03,183
Four words.
723
00:31:03,213 --> 00:31:06,183
To sum up someone's whole life?
724
00:31:06,213 --> 00:31:07,449
Four words?
725
00:31:07,450 --> 00:31:09,437
Doesn't seem like it's enough.
726
00:31:09,983 --> 00:31:11,990
You know what?
727
00:31:12,020 --> 00:31:14,441
Words aren't enough.
728
00:31:14,442 --> 00:31:17,398
For this or for making amends.
729
00:31:18,864 --> 00:31:22,209
I think we're going about
our regrets all wrong.
730
00:31:25,412 --> 00:31:27,446
I think we need to do something.
731
00:31:33,408 --> 00:31:34,798
Hard at work.
732
00:31:34,828 --> 00:31:38,359
Like a natural born
CyberHugs Team Leader.
733
00:31:38,389 --> 00:31:39,424
What's that?
734
00:31:39,425 --> 00:31:40,441
Spoke to corporate.
735
00:31:40,442 --> 00:31:41,478
We decided you're ready
736
00:31:41,479 --> 00:31:44,437
for your next phase here at Cybermart.
737
00:31:45,748 --> 00:31:47,449
I got it?
738
00:31:47,450 --> 00:31:50,445
Ooh! Yee!
739
00:31:50,446 --> 00:31:52,811
I find your excitement grating.
740
00:31:52,841 --> 00:31:55,312
I... Sorry. Oh!
741
00:31:55,342 --> 00:31:56,935
- Thank you!
- Don't...
742
00:31:56,965 --> 00:31:57,993
thank me.
743
00:31:58,023 --> 00:31:58,943
Corporate stipulated that
744
00:31:58,973 --> 00:32:01,145
I offer the position to a full-time
745
00:32:01,175 --> 00:32:02,481
Cybermart employee,
746
00:32:02,511 --> 00:32:04,779
any Cybermart employee,
747
00:32:04,809 --> 00:32:07,209
before going to an outside contractor.
748
00:32:08,995 --> 00:32:11,166
So you wanted to hire
Fern, but you can't?
749
00:32:11,167 --> 00:32:14,174
Not unless you turn down the offer.
750
00:32:28,686 --> 00:32:30,145
Code word.
751
00:32:30,984 --> 00:32:32,174
Shiatsu!
752
00:32:37,170 --> 00:32:38,841
You're real.
753
00:32:38,871 --> 00:32:41,153
What's real? When we're all
living in a giant video-game...
754
00:32:41,154 --> 00:32:42,182
Programmed from another dimension...
755
00:32:42,212 --> 00:32:43,353
Designed to wrap us in a
756
00:32:43,383 --> 00:32:44,599
- false sense of security!
- False sense of security!
757
00:32:50,595 --> 00:32:52,549
Xavier Holliday?
758
00:32:52,850 --> 00:32:53,891
Yeah.
759
00:32:53,892 --> 00:32:55,941
Did you fill out your
mental health history?
760
00:32:55,942 --> 00:32:58,408
Um... well...
761
00:32:58,438 --> 00:32:59,907
I'm not actually, um...
762
00:32:59,908 --> 00:33:02,227
here for... for help.
763
00:33:02,882 --> 00:33:04,322
I'm the person that's responsible
764
00:33:04,352 --> 00:33:06,932
for ruining your mother's life.
765
00:33:06,933 --> 00:33:09,887
Well, to be honest, it was hard on us.
766
00:33:09,888 --> 00:33:11,887
Mom was helping me
with law school tuition,
767
00:33:11,888 --> 00:33:14,101
so I had to drop out.
768
00:33:14,131 --> 00:33:16,370
This is what I'm talking
about. I want to make amends.
769
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,411
I can get you the money
to finish law school.
770
00:33:18,412 --> 00:33:20,716
I don't want your money, Xavier.
771
00:33:20,746 --> 00:33:23,291
My mom got depressed
after she was let go.
772
00:33:23,321 --> 00:33:26,190
I helped her through that
rough patch, and in the process,
773
00:33:26,220 --> 00:33:28,871
I realized law school wasn't my passion.
774
00:33:28,901 --> 00:33:30,848
But I have an ear for
other people's problems.
775
00:33:30,878 --> 00:33:32,278
And now here I am.
776
00:33:35,519 --> 00:33:37,316
Things often work out
the way they should.
777
00:33:38,383 --> 00:33:40,851
Do they? 'Cause here's the thing...
778
00:33:40,881 --> 00:33:42,759
there's this girl. And I want to be
779
00:33:42,789 --> 00:33:45,311
committed to her, but I can't tell her.
780
00:33:45,874 --> 00:33:48,332
What's holding you back?
781
00:33:48,849 --> 00:33:51,708
Um... I don't know.
She's having such fun
782
00:33:51,738 --> 00:33:54,316
with all these dating apps,
and... and it's my fault.
783
00:33:54,317 --> 00:33:57,117
I've... the one who
told her to go buck wild.
784
00:33:57,527 --> 00:33:58,858
Maybe she'd feel differently
785
00:33:58,888 --> 00:34:00,337
if she knew you wanted a commitment.
786
00:34:00,338 --> 00:34:02,812
But, you know, I don't
want her to feel stifled
787
00:34:02,842 --> 00:34:06,110
by my feelings. That's not
how ethical non-monogamy works.
788
00:34:06,140 --> 00:34:07,790
You want to be ethical?
789
00:34:08,309 --> 00:34:09,478
Then tell her the truth
790
00:34:09,508 --> 00:34:10,958
about how you feel.
791
00:34:11,125 --> 00:34:13,545
She might feel stifled or she might not.
792
00:34:13,546 --> 00:34:15,546
At least she knows her options.
793
00:34:19,313 --> 00:34:20,827
We're almost out of time.
794
00:34:20,857 --> 00:34:22,795
It's true.
795
00:34:22,825 --> 00:34:24,891
Our time is really precious.
796
00:34:24,892 --> 00:34:27,821
I mean our session is ending.
797
00:34:29,519 --> 00:34:30,519
Oh.
798
00:34:32,277 --> 00:34:34,743
_
799
00:34:42,479 --> 00:34:43,484
You called me out here
800
00:34:43,514 --> 00:34:45,737
to prove you can still
fit in your uniform?
801
00:34:45,767 --> 00:34:47,761
For one, it's so tight
I can't feel my arms.
802
00:34:47,762 --> 00:34:50,541
Secondly, remember when we
used to play kickball at recess?
803
00:34:50,571 --> 00:34:52,303
Every day in fourth grade.
804
00:34:52,333 --> 00:34:53,387
If the ball bounced weird
805
00:34:53,388 --> 00:34:55,337
during your turn to
kick, we'd call it...
806
00:34:55,338 --> 00:34:56,337
Do-over.
807
00:34:56,338 --> 00:34:57,345
That's what I want.
808
00:34:57,346 --> 00:34:58,883
A do-over.
809
00:34:59,504 --> 00:35:00,648
No, how can I trust you?
810
00:35:00,678 --> 00:35:03,120
You just want my job at CyberHugs.
811
00:35:03,150 --> 00:35:04,357
I turned it down.
812
00:35:04,358 --> 00:35:06,345
Told Deirdre this morning
813
00:35:06,346 --> 00:35:09,146
you're the most qualified
person for the job.
814
00:35:10,816 --> 00:35:12,064
Why would you do that?
815
00:35:12,094 --> 00:35:13,817
To make it up to you.
816
00:35:13,847 --> 00:35:15,349
Finally.
817
00:35:15,729 --> 00:35:17,579
And there's one more thing.
818
00:35:20,694 --> 00:35:22,325
You kept it.
819
00:35:29,339 --> 00:35:30,568
Flags up.
820
00:35:32,300 --> 00:35:33,537
You got to be kidding me.
821
00:35:33,567 --> 00:35:36,221
You know you want to.
822
00:35:36,251 --> 00:35:37,722
Five, six, seven, eight!
823
00:35:59,057 --> 00:36:01,587
That's what you call
Biscuits and Gravy, baby!
824
00:36:01,588 --> 00:36:02,591
Yeah! Yeah!
825
00:36:02,592 --> 00:36:06,549
Yeah! Oh, yeah!
826
00:36:06,550 --> 00:36:08,525
We're still really good.
827
00:36:17,104 --> 00:36:19,737
So, what's your position on
discount mattress pricing?
828
00:36:19,767 --> 00:36:22,749
The government controls it
to fund cyberweapons programs.
829
00:36:22,750 --> 00:36:23,749
Yucca Mountain?
830
00:36:23,750 --> 00:36:24,749
Underground repository
831
00:36:24,750 --> 00:36:25,757
for alien technology.
832
00:36:25,758 --> 00:36:26,778
Are you sure we're not related?
833
00:36:26,779 --> 00:36:28,029
I know, right?
834
00:36:28,059 --> 00:36:29,245
- Yeah.
- But there is
835
00:36:29,275 --> 00:36:31,347
something I need to know.
836
00:36:31,377 --> 00:36:32,766
What's your name?
837
00:36:32,767 --> 00:36:35,011
You can whisper it. I
mean, for confidentiality.
838
00:36:35,041 --> 00:36:36,787
Don't worry... I swept
the immediate vicinity.
839
00:36:36,788 --> 00:36:38,749
Yeah, you know, maybe you
should still whisper it,
840
00:36:38,750 --> 00:36:40,557
you know, just to be safe.
841
00:36:44,758 --> 00:36:46,753
Hmm.
842
00:36:47,112 --> 00:36:48,712
How about the other ear?
843
00:36:52,725 --> 00:36:53,725
Huh.
844
00:36:55,063 --> 00:36:57,722
Okay, how about both at once?
845
00:37:12,779 --> 00:37:15,016
I felt like I was kissing my brother.
846
00:37:15,046 --> 00:37:17,503
Huh. I think we should just be friends.
847
00:37:17,533 --> 00:37:18,549
And battle buddies.
848
00:37:18,550 --> 00:37:19,864
When foreign forces hit our shores.
849
00:37:19,894 --> 00:37:20,911
Yeah!
850
00:37:20,941 --> 00:37:21,941
Yes!
851
00:37:26,512 --> 00:37:29,109
I broke up with my Internet girlfriend.
852
00:37:30,023 --> 00:37:31,661
Oh.
853
00:37:36,144 --> 00:37:38,524
Lavender sticky notes.
854
00:37:38,525 --> 00:37:40,499
My favorite.
855
00:37:40,500 --> 00:37:41,967
May I have this dance?
856
00:37:54,881 --> 00:37:57,019
Found your soul mate.
857
00:38:00,347 --> 00:38:01,812
Cute.
858
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:04,364
Soul mate accepted!
859
00:38:10,538 --> 00:38:11,939
Oh, well, it's official.
860
00:38:11,969 --> 00:38:15,553
I finally get to cross
number 17 off my list.
861
00:38:15,554 --> 00:38:18,566
That outfit makes me want to
add, like, a dozen to mine.
862
00:38:18,567 --> 00:38:22,545
Oh. Well, how did it
go with Violet Barnes?
863
00:38:22,546 --> 00:38:25,985
She's a very gifted therapist.
864
00:38:26,015 --> 00:38:28,009
Oof. Is that a euphemism?
865
00:38:28,039 --> 00:38:29,528
No.
866
00:38:29,529 --> 00:38:32,151
She advised me to...
867
00:38:32,181 --> 00:38:34,980
put all my cards on the table.
868
00:38:35,010 --> 00:38:36,516
About?
869
00:38:36,517 --> 00:38:39,520
This whole ethical non-monogamy thing.
870
00:38:39,521 --> 00:38:41,545
Honestly, I'm totally fine with it.
871
00:38:41,546 --> 00:38:43,545
I don't want to do it anymore.
872
00:38:43,796 --> 00:38:45,293
What?
873
00:38:45,465 --> 00:38:47,778
Look... it was perfect for me.
874
00:38:47,779 --> 00:38:49,770
For a really long time, but...
875
00:38:50,222 --> 00:38:53,361
something's different
now. This is different.
876
00:38:54,895 --> 00:38:57,390
I don't want every possible option.
877
00:38:57,632 --> 00:38:59,766
I want you.
878
00:39:00,363 --> 00:39:01,753
Wow.
879
00:39:02,783 --> 00:39:04,147
So...
880
00:39:04,561 --> 00:39:06,782
I just... I just
wanted you to know that,
881
00:39:06,812 --> 00:39:09,778
for whatever it's worth.
882
00:39:09,779 --> 00:39:11,860
And you have every right
883
00:39:11,890 --> 00:39:14,775
to carry on... journeying.
884
00:39:20,446 --> 00:39:21,929
Nah.
885
00:39:22,981 --> 00:39:24,360
I'm good.
886
00:39:34,004 --> 00:39:35,778
- Hey.
- Yeah?
887
00:39:35,808 --> 00:39:38,508
- I've got something to show you.
- Mm-hmm?
888
00:39:42,076 --> 00:39:43,791
No, you didn't.
889
00:39:43,792 --> 00:39:45,787
I certainly did.
890
00:39:46,061 --> 00:39:48,745
- Shall we?
- Oh, y...
891
00:39:55,179 --> 00:40:02,645
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