Original subtitles

I'm Frances.

It's Skip. Nice to meet you.

You too, and... Bye, bye.

We should officially do business.

I buy the houses and you design and renovate

and we turn a tidy profit!

I hate to say it, but I do like you.

You loaned me money, which I appreciate,

but we're not actually partners.

That prick from the auction, he's here.

Can I take you out for dinner sometime?

I would feel impolite accepting when I'm here with someone else.

It's too soon for me to be getting involved.

Yeah, I think my exact words were you were a walking disaster.

And my instincts were right.

Skip Zakarian wants to rep me.

This means that we won't be working together.

You weren't even finishing your paintings when I met you!

Thanks for everything. I'm done here.

- Hi! - Hey.

Did you study for your math final?

- Yes, I did. - Oh, you're so good.

Yeah, he got out the old abacus

and kicked some butt.

Mom, wait till you hear about summer.

What about... what about summer?

- Um... - Thank you.

You know, we, uh... maybe hoping to...

take the kids to Italy.

- We... you and Jackie? - Yeah.

With your permission, of course.

She's got an old college roommate

that made a shitload of money selling hair extensions

and bought a villa... in Italy.

And even has a... (CHUCKLES) big fucking moat.

And she's offered it to us for free,

um, you know, for June.

And July.

- For June and... and July? - Yeah.

Well, I don't want to be without the kids

for all of June and July.

I mean, summer's the only time I have with them

when they're not just...

cranky all the time from too little sleep.

You know.

Yeah, but they've never been to Europe.

Well, I'm well aware of that.

As you know, it has been my dream

to take them, and as you also well know,

we haven't been able to afford that.

(GROANS) I'm sorry, but it's a no.

And you should've told me before you spoke to them

because now... shit, now I'm in this, like, lousy position.

Once again, I'm the dream killer.

Well, if the scarpe fits.

- That's "shoe" in Italian. - Yes, it's... yes, I know.

- We were studying last night. - Really? Already?

No worries. You know, we'll... okay.

- Ciao, which is "good-bye" and "hello." - Yeah, ciao, as in Italian.

- I know. - Yeah.

So, ciao.

- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 - - www.addic7ed.com -

What the fuck?

Ugh, this is bullshit!

I wish it were.

Where's the part about you finding her

and us launching her career, huh?

- Where's that? - Oh, nowhere.

Nowhere. I am officially scrubbed

from her entire history.

I never trusted that Sylvia, but Skip?

I went to St. Barts with Skip.

He was, like, my pal.

Well, your pal is taking

every ounce of credit for Sylvia.

Yeah, and all our future profits.

I'm like training wheels.

I get them started, I give them a little shove,

and then they ride off

on their brand-new two-wheelers

into the sunset without me.

Oh, and get this... Robert and Jackie

want to take the kids to Europe this summer.

- That's great. - No, it's not great, Diane, it's not.

I don't want to spend the whole summer alone without them.

Oh, my God, please.

If I had kids, all I'd want was a long break from them.

(CHUCKLES) Well, then it's probably good

you never had them.

Yeah. You know what, Frances?

Maybe Sylvia and Robert were like training wheels for you, you know?

It's like when I was working at the glove counter at Saks

and living in that tiny studio in the East 50s.

I just loved my life.

And then I met Nick

and my life got even bigger and better!

So you just don't know, Frances.

You don't know what the future holds.

(GROANS) Apparently, it holds a lot of blank walls.

I'm just gonna be glad to get these Sylvias out of here

and to their new owners.

Who's that?

Oh, some kid up the road did it.

I didn't have the heart to tell him

that it looked like one of those elephants

holding a paintbrush made it.

Diane.

You know what? I like it.

It's bright, it's happy, I don't love it.

Can't hurt me. I'm borrowing it.

Please, thank God.

Motherfucker!

- Will you excuse me? - Certainly.

Frances. It's good to see you.

Really? Is it good to see me?

'Cause I have some things to say to you, asshole.

Well, okay, you're... you're coming in hot.

Maybe poaching Sylvia was some sort of pathetic dick swing payback

for my declining your dinner invitation.

- It wasn't. - Okay, well, regardless,

it was a full-on shady thing to do.

So, I'm gonna... gonna give you

a little background... a little history, okay?

When I met Sylvia, she was in a total artistic coma.

I worked with her and I sure as hell didn't do it

so that you could show up in your fancy car service one night and steal her.

I mean, is that what you do?

Pretty much, yes.

- Wow, how... how do you sleep at night? - Look, I don't have the eye

or, frankly, the energy to do what you do.

I wish I did.

But once an artist is on my radar,

I can sell the shit out of them.

I know what people want,

I know how much money these people have,

and I know where they've parked their yachts.

So, the way I see it, you can go on

having people like me steal your artists

or we could discuss working together.

Are you serious?

You fuck me over and then you expect me

to go into business with you?

Oh, that's rich.

Hey, you can stay in your sleepy little hamlet

and watch people leave you or you can move forward.

That's my two cents.

Unbelievable.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, and, uh, here.

You can keep your two cents and your pricey trinket.

I'm not for sale.

Call me if you want to talk.

Jesus.

So, all profits on future investments

are split 50-50.

- Yep. - All righty, if you both sign

at the bottom, your real estate partnership is finalized.

Check that out. What a signature.

You should've seen it in high school.

It actually included a smiley face.

Aw.

- Well, congratulations... - That's sweet.

you are now a corporation.

And if I could just say,

- you two are adorable. - Oh.

- You're pretty cute yourself, Michelle. - Well, thank you.

(LAUGHS) And you work well together.

These agreements are difficult,

believe you me.

Basically, it's like doing a prenup,

but you guys just breezed on through.

- Oh, butterscotch? - Oh, thank you.

(WHISPERS) Shit.

Come on.

Oh, my...

Oh! Oh, my God.

Holy shit.

Thanks for coming.

I didn't know who else to call.

Plumbers.

This is their profession.

Just throwing it out there.

Of course. Yeah, no, it's better to call a plumber,

but I panicked, 'cause that was, like, shooting at me sideways.

Oh, and by the way, we have no water pressure in the upstairs shower

and that was like a fire hose.

If that's a veiled attempt to get me to fix

the showerhead, no way, José.

Oh, no, no, just this one job, sir.

'Cause you know this house better than anyone.

This house and I have been through many emotional highs

and lows together.

Hey, so, what, your... your fella

not available to come help?

He's not my fella.

- And we're done. - Really? Copy that.

Seemed like a nice guy, though.

Except for, you know, those weird sweater-vests.

He did not wear sweater-vests.

In his soul, he was wearing a sweater-vest.

- No. - Oh, reminds me.

I have something for you.

Here you go.

$75,000?

Finally started to make some money on these flip houses.

And I just wanted to pay you back.

'Cause, you know, you supported me...

well, the family... for so long.

Really long time.

You trying to buy me off so you can take the kids this summer?

Jesus. Just say thanks

and invest in a new pipe.

Thank you.

Really... thank you.

And congratulations on...

you know, the houses, on everything.

Thanks. It feels good.

It's really weird, I never imagined

when we first bought this place...

you know, that we wouldn't be...

- Yeah. - Huh, it's weird.

I thought I would drop dead in this house.

- You know? - Do you ever wonder,

like... what if we met each other now?

You mean if New Frances met New Robert?

Yeah. Yeah.

- I think we'd have a lot of laughs. - Yeah.

Mostly at the expense of... of Old Frances.

Hi, I'm Frances.

- Swifty. - Sw... Swifty?

New Robert gets to call himself whatever he wants.

- Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Oh.

- I'm so sorry. Oh. - I can't do it again.

- No, of course not. It... - I'm with Jackie.

No, I... I know that. I know that.

I'm sorry.

I don't know, Frances, that whole Skip idea

sounds kind of tempting.

We could team up with him and make a killing, come on!

I don't want to make a killing!

I want to enjoy what I do.

You know, I used to enjoy art.

This whole Sylvia business has just...

has left a very bad taste in my mouth.

All right, forget about business and we can have some fun.

Hey, you're coming to our Memorial Day barbecue this Sunday, right?

- Yeah, I'll be there. - Yay!

Oh, and Nick invited Robert and Jackie.

- Is that okay? - Yeah, absolutely.

No, we're good, so, yeah, there's no worries there...

Whoa... (STUTTERS) wait. This reminds me. Um... here.

I want you to have this.

A check made out to you?

Well, no, I mean, Robert made it out to me, and I endorsed it to you.

See? It's to pay you back.

- For the gallery loan. - Oh!

I mean, I can't think of no better recipient than you.

You've done so much for me, Diane.

- So thank you. - You don't have to do this, Frances.

No, I... I want to do it. I'm proud to do it.

Oh, I see. So this is how it ends.

Wait, what?

Now that the dreadful Pelts is gone,

you just don't have any more use for me.

No, Diane, please don't make this

something that it isn't, all right?

I... I have been telling you for so long

that I'm gonna pay you back and I feel like you just chose

to not hear me.

I'm giving you money. It's a good thing.

Yeah, for you, I guess.

- Oh, come on. Diane! - No.

You wanted to do the gallery alone, now I want to be alone.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

Don't try and stop me.

- Okay. - You can Uber home!

I... there's no service.

Oh, come on. Diane!

Good.

You know what would be fun to do in Italy?

Buy leather.

(WHOOSHES) Yes!

Get married.

Wait, what?

You know, that butterscotch candy lawyer was right.

I mean, we did the hard work.

And... and we work together.

Really well.

I know it's really fast...

but my marriage lasted a long time and look where that ended up.

I mean, life's short, Jackie.

I don't remember what that quote was

from that inspirational, cheesy poster,

but... I want my future to start.

Today.

You're asking me to marry you.

Will you marry me?

- Fuck yeah! - Fuck yeah.

- Say it again! - Fuck Frances.

- Say it again! - Fuck Frances!

I was the best goddamn partner she ever had.

I knew her peccadilloes, her needs,

and let me tell you something, Dwayne,

this lady is not a walk in the park.

- Fuck her! - Thank you, Dwayne.

And I wanna tell you something...

I really like you. You're a good person.

May I buy you a new cap?

- Okay. - Okay.

But first, we need another round.

- Okay. - Barkeep, can I have two more 7 and 7s?

Ma'am, you've had enough.

- Ma'am? - Ooh.

Ma'am!

Fuck you!

You can't kick me out because I'm choosing to go!

Bullshit. Fuck you, I'm out of here.

Fuck you!

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you!

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Hey, it's... (STUTTERS)

Oh, Diane, come on.

- Oh, hi. - Hi.

Huh. What was that about?

I paid her back for the gallery loan,

and you'd think I killed her mother.

Oh. Well, she loathes her mother.

She'd probably welcome that.

- Well... - Tequila, extra lime.

You're the best.

- Ted, this is Frances. - Hi.

Oh, yes, the tennis partner.

- We finally meet. - You don't have a drink.

- Do you like tequila? - Yes, I do.

- Here, I insist. - Oh.

That's very nice of you.

You're a real gentleman. Thank you very much.

I'll be right back with more reinforcements.

Well, well, well.

- Kissing partners. - I know, he's a child.

He's adorable, he's delightful.

Who cares how old he is?

You deserve to have some fun.

I'm happy for you and for him.

You know who else is happy for him?

- Who? - His ex-wife, who still lives with him.

- They're besties. - Really?

Really. How can people in their 30s

have more complicated lives than us?

I'm gonna... I'm gonna skedaddle to the corn dogs.

Oh, okay, all right.

I'll talk to...

I think Frances just ran away from us.

Yeah, she was a sprinter in college.

Hey, uh, have you told her yet?

What, about you and me?

No, about my fucking quiche recipe. Robbie!

Yes, I was planning on telling her later.

I just thought that, you know,

once we had partaken in punch

and fellowship and, uh... and fireworks.

You have to tell her today, okay?

You owe that to her.

And we can't tell the kids until you tell her.

Oh, Jesus, it's a house of cards.

Have you told anyone?

Like, a friend?

I told my mother and I booked the camel

I'm riding in on.

One of those things is a lie.

Hello, my friends, welcome, welcome.

God bless our fallen troops

and don't miss the sangria bar.

What news do you bring from the outside world?

Jackie and I are getting married, Nick.

- Oh, fuck! - No kidding!

That's fantastic.

Oh, my God, that's amazing news!

We so love it when our young people get married.

You know, Diane and I have been married

nearly 11 years now

and, her murder attempt aside, I just...

I couldn't recommend the institution more.

Oh, that's great news.

- Great. - Thank you.

Um, well,

but we actually were hoping

we could just keep this all between us.

- Mmm. - Haven't really spoke

to the masses just yet,

which mainly and namely involves Frances.

Your secret's safe with me.

Norman, how's the knee, you cocksucker?

You wanted me to tell somebody.

You have to go tell her. Right now!

Fuck.

Michael, I noticed that many of the people outside

aren't eating food, so make sure to pass the food sticks around

to the outside people, 'cause I want them to get eaten.

Thank you, Michael.

Diane, can... can we talk about this, please?

Mm, I have some real friends to entertain, so excuse me.

(GROANS) Oh, my God, this is ridiculous.

- Look, can we just talk? - Robert, can we not?

I am mortified and I really don't want to rehash it

any more than I already have in my head.

You're with Jackie. I get it.

(SIGHS) Fuck.

Hello, hello, hello, hello!

What a great day. Start of summer.

Full of so much possibility.

Like the daffodils and Jesus,

I, too, have been reborn...

these last few months

spending time with lovely Diane

here in our magical home.

Oh, I feel the same.

And as many of you know,

I am prone to the passive-aggressive speech.

- Yes. - But this one is just

aggressive-aggressive. I love this woman! To Diane!

Diane!

And I'm three sangrias in,

so, uh, forgive me my trespasses,

but, uh, I can't keep it to myself.

I have some very exciting news to share.

Fuck.

Norman is fully healed from the ACL surgery.

He's gonna be back out there on the links

stealing our money by June 1st. Norman!

Frances, we need to talk.

Robert, I can... I could really use some space right now.

- Seriously. - No, I understand that,

but it would behoove us

if you would just open the door

so we could talk.

- Diane! There's a line! - The jig is up.

- What jig? - The police are here.

- They're here for me! - I highly doubt that.

Oh, shit.

Listen, Frances, that night we fought,

I may have gotten totally drunk,

I may have sideswiped some cars.

There were clearly cameras, they clearly fingered me.

Jesus, well, did you hurt anyone?

- I don't recall. - Oh, my God.

I was so sad, Frances.

My only friend that night was the bottle.

I mean... (STUTTERS) that's a little dramatic.

I'm... I'm your friend, Diane.

I promise you, I am still your friend,

and if you want to give that check back to me,

that is completely okay.

I just don't want it

to screw up our relationship.

I can't because I may have accidentally

flushed it down the toilet of some dive bar in Peekskill.

- Okay, then. - But I accept your apology.

Well, thanks.

I really need a friend, Frances.

I need you to help me turn myself in to the Po-po.

All right. Okay, let's go.

I told you to stop having parties.

He's my bro, man.

- I deserve to know what he's done. - Ow, ow!

Excuse me, officers, officers.

Excuse me, you have the wrong person.

It was I who committed the crime

and... and I shall make it right. It was me.

Yeah? You embezzled $12 million from your clients?

What?

This is not the worst party we've ever had.

Diane! Diane, I love you, Diane.

Oh, my God. Oh, Nick.

Jackie and I are getting married.

He was lying the whole time.

He wasn't in retirement, he was in hiding!

Ugh, I'm Ruth Madoff.

I'm gonna be penniless and scorned

and have to go live with my sister in Boca.

Sweetie, you aren't penniless.

You have a $2 million Pelts

and $75,000 in a toilet somewhere in Peekskill.

Robert is engaged? What the fuck is that?

- Did you know? - No.

No, I did not.

Are you okay?

Honestly, uh... I don't know.

I mean, of course, one of us was gonna move on, but engaged?

This fast? I mean, I...

I still have old pants of his in the attic.

Oh, my God. Do you think she's pregnant?

I mean, she's definitely young enough to have a baby.

Anyone can.

Please, there are 65-year-old grandmothers having babies now.

Well, that would at least explain it.

My God, how do I keep missing these things? Aah.

I'm like the poster child for being blindsided.

Sylvia, Robert, it's...

Thought you might need this.

- Thank you. - You're a doll.

That little Ted is adorable.

(SCOFFS) He's mine.

And his ex-wife's.

That's true.

- Hi. - Hey.

Closing at 11:00. Strong work ethic.

I'm driving Diane into the city to see Nick.

In jail.

Did... did you know?

About what he was doing?

No. No, I was completely in the dark.

A lot of bombshells lately.

Hey, look, Frances.

About that.

Yesterday... it's not how I meant to tell you.

It's... it's not how I wanted you to find out about Jackie and I.

Wouldn't be my preferred choice, either.

I panicked.

It's as simple as that.

I'm not proud of it.

Is she... you know, is she pregnant?

Oh, God, no.

(CHUCKLES) No.

You happy?

I am.

I can't be late for visiting hours.

You sure you're okay to go in alone?

(SIGHS) Yes, of course.

Go enjoy your nonincarcerated day.

I'll meet you back here at 3:00.

- Okay. - 3:00.

Keep moving.

Could we move this along, ma'am?

You'll get it all back on the other side of the screening.

Says you.

Hurry up.

Diane, you look so lovely.

- You look so orange. - Darling, I'm sorry.

I never meant to drag you into all of this.

I got carried away and I will pay the price.

(INHALES) Are we poor now?

Define poor.

I mean, I know I have the Pelts,

but it would break my heart to have to sell it.

But what else? Are... are there accounts somewhere?

Like, somewhere top secret?

Maybe just use hand signals so no one can hear

- what we're talking about. - Diane, they're going

to seize the Pelts.

- What? - Well, it was my money that bought it.

Or more accurately, the Zucker family trust's money, but still.

How could you do this to me?

To us? I never needed the money.

- I fucking loved you! - Diane, pick up the phone.

- Fuck you! - Diane, pick up... pick up the phone.

- Fuck you! - Diane, don't do that now.

- Fuck you! - Not in front of the guys!

- Fuck you, fuck you! - Diane, calm...

- Fuck you! - Come with me, ma'am.

I'm not a ma'am!

Wait for me, Diane!

Is that yours?

Yeah, that one's actually my favorite.

It's mine, too.

Um, I have a gallery

if... if you ever want to chat.

Cool.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

- Well, good luck. - Thanks. Enjoy the rest of the show.

This is Robert. Leave your message at the tone.

Oh, hey, it's me.

Um, s... so, yeah, so take the kids to Italy.

Um, but please show them more than gelato shops.

Show them... show them Caravaggio and Titian

and the Duomo in Florence, okay?

Um, yeah.

And congratulations to you and Jackie.

Okay, bye.

Hello.

Hi. Can I help you with anything?

Yes, are you hiring?

Bye.

- Have fun. - Okay.

Okay?

- Bye. - Bye.

- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 - - www.addic7ed.com -