Original subtitles

No camping, noob!

You've been owned!

Woohoo!

Sir Mikey the Bald rules!

Oh yeah!

Good game!

Not!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Come on, Mikey.

Mikey, we're supposed to be helping Don scan

cyberspace for lost data bits, remember?

Yeah, you gonna spend your life playing that stupid video game?

Stupid video game?

Dude, this is Super Quest, the greatest massive

multiplayer online role-playing game ever!

This is the game that inspired Helix 100 years from now!

That's how awesome it is!

I'm questing for epic loot and glory!

And when you think about it, gaining mad cyber skills too!

Skills we'll need to get those bits,

cause you never know when we'll come across a three-headed dragon in cyberspace!

Uh, right?

Right.

You're not gonna believe this, but Mikey's game skills will come in handy.

Seriously?

Seriously?

Seriously.

Because according to my latest scan,

a sizable cluster of Master Splinter's data bits have just washed up inside...

there.

You've got to be kidding me.

I'm serious.

There are Master Splinter data bits inside Super Quest.

And we'll need to enter the game if we're gonna save them.

Awesome!

I'm so excited!

I'm so excited!

I'm so excited!

I'm so excited!

I'm so excited!

I'm so excited!

I'm so excited!

I'm so excited!

I'm so excited!

I'm so excited!

I'm so excited! I'm so excited!

I'm so excited!

The Cybermat is now linked up to the Super Quest interface.

No X-Runners or Cybernaut armor for us this time.

Once inside, we'll have no choice but to operate

according to the programmed rules of the game.

Sweet! Wouldn't want it any other way!

There's more.

Our data will be filtered through the game's content.

We step through the portal, there's no telling how we'll step out.

What are you saying, Donnie?

We might become orcs or something?

I hate video games.

Last one in is a stinking troll!

Okay, let's do this.

For Master Splinter!

Right. For Master Splinter.

No way! So cool!

What the...

What is this thing?

Wait, is this me?

Leo! Don!

Leo, stop futzing!

You're a changeling!

Check it out! You're crazy cool!

You can change into animals!

Donnie, dude, you're a sorcerer!

You've got more powers than you can shake that wand at!

And behold, I'm Mikey the Bold!

White Knight Extraordinaires!

Dudes, this is my official Super Quest character!

Talk about luck!

Luck? What do you call this?

A court jester!

Welcome, bros, to the wonderful world of Super Quest!

This world is massive.

The user interface is non-repeating for up to 30 million acres.

That's over 700 terabytes of terra firma!

It's gotta be big!

There are over a million avatars walking around!

And a million gamers in the real world making

them walk, talk, and live the game life!

Hey, baby. Looking good.

So, do you apparate here often?

Log off.

Out of my way!

Come at me, newbie!

I hate that guy.

You know him?

Only online.

He's a trash-talking pro who goes by the handle The Elfinator.

This game attracts all kinds.

But the most awesome, fearsome player of all is...

The Ultimate Gamer!

In this world, the Ultimate Gamer spells doom!

He's the best Super Quest player who's ever lived!

And a cunning Class 80 warrior!

We're gonna have to bring our A-game to beat him!

Let's get one thing clear, Mikey.

We're here for Master Splinter's data bits, not to play this game!

Welcome, gamers, to the Supreme Super Quest Tournament!

All gather for the start of the play!

Ooh! An Admin Wizard!

Come on, let's see what's up!

Quickly, now!

You, the world's finest gamers, have logged

on today for one reason and one reason only.

To compete for treasure beyond your wildest imagination.

Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!

The treasure inside this chest.

Quest for the two keys to the chest and win the treasure within.

The keys, man? Very good.

Who cares?

We do. Because according to my scanner,

Master Splinter's data bits are in that chest.

And now, it's off the map.

I'm afraid the only way to get it back and get those data bits is to win those keys.

You know what this means, guys! Game on!

And now to quest for the first key.

Travel to Castle Cretin.

There, ye shall meet a witch.

Grant her a token of affection and gain entry to the castle.

Once inside, the first key awaits.

To Castle Cretin! Quickly!

Believe me, if there was any other way to get

Master Splinter's data bits, I'd be all for it.

After you, Whiskers.

I think that mountain's about to blow its top!

Hey, Knight, you planning with newbies now? That's no mountain.

It's a frosty giant!

Oh, boy!

Donnie!

Donnie!

Donnie! Look out!

That first key's all mine!

You boneheads! You knocked me off course!

You noobs! Look what you did!

Now I have to cross River Neverwhere to get to Castle Cretin.

Good thing I'm hardcore!

Later, losers!

Thanks!

A Class 50 wing-wish? Sweet!

Still, there's more than one way to cross River Neverwhere.

Come on!

He is way too excited about this.

To Castle Cretin, good sir!

Relax! This dude's completely harmless.

Strictly NPC. Non-player character.

All right! We're almost there!

Thanks, NPC dude!

None shall pass unless the right offering is made.

Remember what the Admin Wizard said?

We have to grant her a Token of Affection to gain entry.

But what's a Token of Affection?

Aw, Shell, it's a riddle.

And it can only mean one thing.

It's the stuff I do to save the day.

Hmm. Token of Affection. Let's see here.

Nope. Nope. Not a...

Oh, oh, oh...

Here we go! An Affection Token!

Here you are!

I hate this game!

Come on! The sooner we get that chest, the sooner we get out of here!

Leo! You triggered your Changeling Power!

Quick! Turn it to something useful!

We must fight to claim the key!

All right, let's try this again.

Not exactly what I had in mind.

Hey! I got it to work! I can do magic!

Now if I could just control it!

Here you go! You want some too?

Anybody else? Look out!

Nope.

This is humiliating.

Welcome to my world.

Now this is useful.

It certainly is!

Yes!

No!

Thanks a bunch, losers! The first key is now mine!

Which means I'm half right of that treasure being all mine too!

We got schooled! I'm never going to hear the end of it from that Elvenator!

Good thing this won't affect my game stats.

Wait, will it? I got a rep to maintain!

Your rep?

Mikey, we lost the first key to the chest with Master Splinter's data bits!

If we don't win the second key, we'll lose any chance of rescuing them!

Yeah! Get your head in the game!

Ribbit!

Bros, you wound me!

I know what's at stake! That's why I brought us here!

It's an items shop to buy weapon upgrades with experience points!

Let's power up for the second quest!

The laser lance boost, good sir!

Sweet!

Now this is more like it!

Seriously, dudes? Our weapons are strictly low-end in Super Quest!

Not in these hands!

Hear ye, hear ye, fine gamers!

One key won. One key remains!

Now for your second and final quest!

Race to the top of Mount Drago!

There you will find the second key!

Good luck, adventure seekers! You'll need it!

Uh, anyone home?

Ribbit!

I knew this was too easy! Look what's where in the second key!

Well then, let's take it from him!

Mikey, how the shell did we beat that thing?

Dunno! Never done it before! See why you shouldn't interrupt my gaming?

Gaming? Wait a minute...

Of course! That dragon is a boss, right?

The bad guy at the end of a level?

Doesn't every boss have an obvious weak point and programmed cycle of attack?

I guess! Why?

Well, I think I just found his!

Wait for it...

Now!

Don't you see? He fires, rises, roars, and then exposes his belly!

Works for me!

Now!

Now!

So what now? We each have one key. We share the loot. There's only one thing we want.

Well that's too bad, seeing as how I'm taking

everything before you can even say wow!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Then I guess the first one in wins!

One!

Two!

Three!

It's...

Ultimate Gamer!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

That's right, newbies, it's me, the Ultimate Gamer!

And you have just been pwned! Ha ha ha ha ha!

You were posing as an NPC? That's impossible!

Not for a class 80 warrior!

No, you're cheating! Let's just see what the admin wizard has to say about this!

Snoring...

And you're it...

Ha ha ha ha ha! Sounds like nobody's going to be banning me!

And since you five are no match for my skills, it's game over!

Sure shot aura attack!

Arcane missile launch!

Eyes of Cobra!

You low-level peons are a complete joke! You're not even worth my time!

What are you noobs doing, method acting? Keep

playing! Changeling, pwn that sucker already!

Uh, what?

I thought you knew how to play! Every character

has a secret enemy that they're vulnerable to!

The U.G. is a warrior! The warrior's enemy is a

white lion! You can become one and destroy him!

But the Ultimate Gamer is class 80! Will his white lion be powerful

enough? Maybe if we chain our weapons for an infield power boost?

Worth a shot, but somebody will have to keep the U.G. distracted while we do it!

Uh, why's everybody looking at me?

Oh my!

By the shine of the moon up above, oh how I love my sweet honey! Ribbit!

Um, what in the world are you doing?

You're the one!

My job! Don't interrupt! Honey dove! Ribbit! Keep on smiling my love!

It's now or never!

Weapons chained! Now for the boost!

What are you waiting for? Turn into the lion already!

Uh, how?

Tab all backspace!

Say my keyboard's broken!

Just give yourself to the game and believe!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Awoop de do! Awoop de da!

Stop, I'm ponying you on principle! You're annoying!

Ha, jokes on you!

What?

Ah!

Ow!

Ah!

Ah!

What's up, Beeshaw?

Ultimate gamer!

Mommy!

Ah!

All right, Leo!

Yes!

OK, take what you want.

You earned it.

Ah.

Sing a song, Leo.

Safe and secure.

You know, you're not such a bad guy after all.

You've got some mad skills.

You too.

Who knows, in the real world,

I might even consider you a friend.

Whoever you are.

Later, Elfinator.

Yeah.

See you around, White Knight.

Hey, boss, I...

Hey!

You have a-

Care of knocking?

Huh?

Dude is weird.

That's right, I'm a hardcore gamer.

Have been for years.

Tell anyone and I'll rip your tongue out.

I guess there's just one magic spell left to cast.

Let's go home.