Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

(gentle music)

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

(food sizzling) (gentle music)

- [Rob] I am a cook, not a model.

I don't want a five page spread in "Hello!"

It's not about shmoozing with celebrities,

it's about cookin' real food with real heart.

(gentle music)

(engine rumbling) (gentle music)

- Tim Slater just want...

- No.

- Mate, come on,

just one photograph. - No, no!

Hang on. (phone ringing)

Yes doll, so?

- It needs work but it's perfect.

- Well, when can I see it?

- Michelle will love it.

I made an offer.

- Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on.

Are you driving?

- Very slowly.

- Well then pull over and call me back.

If you are trying to talk me into this...

- I wouldn't dream of it,

but he says he's not leaving until

he gets a photo with the genius who cooked...

- He said genius? - Definitely.

- Okay.

Ingo, take pass.

- Yes, chef.

Rob?

Work it baby.

(gentle music) (engine rumbling)

- A real pleasure.

(tractor engine rumbling)

(phone ringing)

The curse of being a celebrity, I never turn mine on.

- Good advice.

Don't run, you'll have an accident.

(car crashing)

(line trilling)

- [Francoise] Hi, this is Francoise.

I'm sorry I'm not here to take your call

but if you leave me a message I will call you back.

Bye.

(voicemail beeps)

- Hey darlin', it's me.

I just wanted to hear the sound of your voice

and to tell you that I love you and that I miss you.

(gentle music)

You lookin' at photos again?

(Rob sighs)

(gentle music)

- I can't remember what she looked like.

Is that bad?

- No, sweetheart.

It's normal.

Come on, you.

Lights out.

- Oh, by the way I found this.

What's The Boot?

- It's nothing.

Night night.

- [Gordon's Assistant] Today's reviews.

- Thank you (sighs).

Jesus.

- Oh, I thought it was pretty good actually.

Some muscular cooking.

Quite sexy.

- No, the one below it.

- [Gordon's Assistant] Oh, it's just some grotty old pub.

- Rob Haley's place.

Had the heart and the head for it.

Three years ago, he was up there.

- Christ.

What happened?

- His wife died.

(engine rumbling)

(Rob sighs)

- [News Anchor] And now here on Channel Four,

Guy Witherspoon takes us to Eden.

- As we slide into the season of mists,

mellow fruitfulness, welcome to "Food for Thought,"

with me your host, Guy Witherspoon.

(gentle music)

(TV chattering) (gentle music)

(crowd cheering)

I'd never been to Wiltshire before.

I'd heard there was nowhere to eat, nowhere decent anyway.

Nowhere until Jack and Jill Adams opened The Eden.

Jack conjures his marvels in the kitchen

while Jill adores the front of house with great elan.

Shall we go in?

All the menus are seasonal.

These have a quality and the freshness is second to none.

(food crunching)

Oh, it's a very droll little (speaking in foreign language).

Thank you so much.

- Shall I give you something?

- Lovely.

(wine sloshing)

- A pub with real English food and Guy's doing a show on it.

That's new.

- Do you know this bloke?

- Vaguely. - Lovely flavor.

- He's very good

but he's a big drinker. - Effortlessly.

Nothing could be further removed

from the radioactive slurry that pours out

of microwaves and pubs all over the land.

(microwave dings)

(TV chattering) (crowd cheering)

- I was watchin' that.

- What was the score?

- Here we are, this adorable little...

- Those fish pies go in?

- Salad. - Yep.

- He certainly loves his onions.

- Concoction (speaking in foreign language),

little bit of feta cheese peaking out there I think.

Oh, yes.

No doubt, my hostess she's very authentic.

She absolutely copper bottoms through and through I'd say.

Splendid... - It's gourmet bloody

everything these days.

Even The Boot's got things on sticks now.

- [Kate] Kebabs?

- No.

- Corn dogs?

- No.

- Satay?

- That's the one.

(Kate chuckles) (gentle music)

- Oh my God.

- What?

- Do you remember this?

- Oh, your Madonna phase?

Yes, I do.

A 10 year old singing "Like A Virgin" is frightening,

especially if you're her father.

It's good to have you home, Kate.

We'll look after you.

- From Spain?

- If you want us to stay, we'll stay.

- We've had the reservation for months.

You could come with us.

Review some restaurants.

- This is perfect.

I'm gonna write my guide

to chef's with talent and originality

not celebrity whores and wannabe rock stars.

No offense.

- [Guy] Oh, yes.

That's a very,

very delicious concoction. - Rob?

(Guy speaking in foreign language)

(Rob chuckles)

- Gordon.

What are you doing here?

Long time no see.

Your empire is just amazing.

Congratulations.

- What in the hell's going on?

- [Rob] What are you talkin' about?

- Come on.

- What?

- Real food with real heart?

Does that ring any bells for you?

- Yeah, but I mean things change.

- Francoise would be horrified if she saw this.

- Don't bring her into this, please.

- Come on, you know she would.

Still sellin' the trifle?

- Not really, no.

(Gordon sighs)

(Rob sighs)

Another bloody critic who couldn't boil water.

You know.

- I don't know but with the look

of things that's really nailed it.

This has got to stop.

- [Rob] One a day.

- Okay.

- Have you got everything?

- I'm takin' Michelle to school this morning.

Can you pick her up this afternoon?

- Yeah, no problem.

What are you up to?

- You're thinking about buying Mom's Boot.

- Come on you.

We'll be late.

(gentle music) (engine rumbling)

(cow moos)

(horn honking) (gentle music)

- A stupid old fart.

(engine rumbling) (gentle music)

(horn honking) (gentle music)

- Bloody charming.

(gentle music) (geese honking)

Hi.

Looking for John.

(Rob chuckles)

It's a bit quiet.

- No, lad.

Busiest time of day.

- Ai, that it is.

- Well...

- Oh.

What the bloody hell do you want?

- Well, (throat clears) three years ago my wife,

she made you an offer on this place.

- You're Rob Haley.

- Yeah.

- You've got a bloody nerve showing your face around here.

I picked out a lovely little retirement place in Alicante.

What the hell happened?

- Things.

- Oh, that's all right then

if it's things that's hunky dory.

That explains bloody everything.

That's peachy.

My wife left me thanks to you.

- I'm sorry.

- No, really I meant it.

Best thing that ever happened.

(Rob chuckles)

- Is it still for sale?

- [John] Well, I never.

- Hey babe.

Long time no see.

- [John] Aren't you a sight for sore eyes.

- Hi, I'm Kate.

- Rob.

- Hi guys.

(men grunting)

- He's going to buy the place.

- You can't sell this place.

- No, I'm thinking about it.

- He's a chef.

- What kind of food?

- British.

- Oh, like all the English breakfasts?

Bangers, beans, fried bread?

Love fried bread.

- Rob's a real chef.

- Oh, really?

Well, I don't come here for the cuisine.

This is perfect.

Nothing pretentious.

- Oh, I don't do pretentious.

I do real food with real heart.

- Kate knows a lot about food.

She's a restaurant critic.

- You don't like critics?

- No, not a lot.

Is that your car?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, well you'll kill somebody drivin'

like that and this is very unladylike.

- Oh my God, that was you?

- Mm hm.

- Oh (laughs).

Well, I sure hope you're a better cook

than you are a driver (laughs).

- Hm.

(hand thuds) (Kate giggling)

- Right you, get started.

You just cost me 400 grand.

That's an awful lot of washing up.

- I'm so sorry.

- You should be.

(engine rumbling)

(knife thudding) (upbeat music)

(engine rumbling) (upbeat music)

- Excuse me.

- Darling.

Mwah.

I'm so glad your father still knows

how to throw a good party.

- I'm so glad that you still know where

to find beautiful accessories.

- Oh, you haven't met.

- Mm mm.

- This is Roberto.

- Hi. - Kate.

Not a word of English.

(Margaret speaking in foreign language)

(Kate sighs)

- Can I be you when I grow up?

(Margaret laughs)

- Oh, darling girl.

The first divorce is always the worst.

It gets better after that believe me.

Oh, I'm going to have to rescue him.

- Nice to meet you.

- The last thing we want is a Roman rage.

(Kate laughs)

(upbeat music) (birds chirping)

- Quails eggs on a bed of shredded leaks

with Scottish smoked salmon,

lightly pickled cucumber and oat cakes.

- Don't remember orderin' that.

- Where did you get it?

- I made it.

- Long way down with a fellow.

- [Michelle] My dad used to be chef.

- Yeah, my granny used to look good naked.

- Nice visual, great.

Just try it.

(food crunching)

(upbeat music)

- Blimey, don't blame me.

I'm off to Totty ain't I?

I could give her a sum.

That's for sure.

- [Max] Could you?

- You reckon I've got a chance?

- None whatsoever.

- Back in the day Max the two of us

would have had her kit off in three seconds flat.

- If I so much catch you glancin'

in my daughter's general direction again,

I'll set my dog on you. (dog growling)

(dog whines)

(dog growls)

(attendees chattering) (upbeat music)

I'm worried about her.

- Well, it's a bit late now.

She's all grown up.

- I could kill that husband of hers.

Shaggin' your secretary.

Pathetic.

- Well, you can talk.

- Well, at least my secretary was a woman.

(Jill chuckles)

(attendees chattering) (upbeat music)

- Got one, thanks.

- The single life suits you.

You're glowing.

- Champagne.

- You know, you shouldn't write off all us men.

- And why would that be, James?

- Well, for one thing we don't all turn out to be gay.

(Kate sighs)

(heels clacking) (attendees chattering)

She wants me.

I can tell.

- Really.

(attendees chattering)

(James chuckles)

- And last but not least, ta da!

Michelle's favorite.

You'll have to share.

(Loz sighs)

- It's a triumph.

- I totally bloody agree.

- Don't swear.

- [Michelle] You do.

- No, I don't.

- Last week when that mountainous chicken pie

was still frozen in the middle,

you called him a...

- Whoa! - Chef's don't swear,

Michelle.

- Well, what do you think?

Shall we give it a go?

- We're gonna need some help.

(upbeat music) (engine rumbling)

- Hello mate.

How you doin'?

What can I get ya?

- I thought you weren't a cook?

- It's better than what he's doing.

- Well, he's opening up a new place.

- Nice.

- Mate I'm tellin' ya he's starting to cook again.

(upbeat music)

Go on.

(upbeat music)

Well?

- Right.

(upbeat music)

Where we off to?

- Francoise' old Boot apparently.

- Sounds great.

(upbeat music)

(children chattering) (engine rumbling)

- Christ, what's she doin' here?

- It pays the bills and she said the kids are cute.

- Bloody hell.

- You goin' in?

- No, you.

She likes you.

- Really? - Definitely.

(Loz chuckles)

(door slams)

(objects clattering) (children laughing)

(Rob smirks)

- She wants to speak to you and I'd leave

your jacket here if I were you.

(Loz sighs)

Thought you said these kids were cute?

- You must be bloody joking.

Look at you, ah (laughs)!

- Come on.

(hooves clomping)

(engine rumbling) (birds chirping)

- Buggeration.

Sorry.

- Bloody hell.

- Oi, you.

Aren't you gonna say anything?

- She was brought up in a kitchen.

You mom loved this place.

- Hey, Michelle, have you seen that (laughs)?

(engine rumbling)

- Well, hello.

It's the critic.

- So, you really did it, huh?

- We're turning it into a diner.

Cheeseburgers, fries, shakes just for you.

- And I thought it was gonna be British cuisine with

a Provencal twist and Tuscan overtones.

- With a dash of Northern Thai

and end up heatin' everything on a stick.

- Gotta have those sticks.

- Sorry, no Provencal twist,

no Tuscan overtones, no Catalonian subtext,

no Cantonese top notes, no...

- Danish elements?

- Danish elements?

No.

No Danish elements and no Californian?

- Mm hm.

- Absolutely no...

- No California influence whatsoever.

- We're going to be serving the finest English ingredients

treated with respect that's underpinned

by classical French techniques aren't we?

- Well, are you?

- What she said.

- [Rob] Well, there you are then.

- Then I'm impressed.

- She's the boss.

Don't ever work with your daughter.

(gentle music) (birds chirping)

Perfect.

(gentle music)

There you go.

(gentle music) (birds chirping)

(engine rumbling)

(birds chirping)

(cutlery clattering)

(Kate sighs)

- There was a chef at The Boot today.

- Excellent news.

- It'll be a disaster.

Hoards of people, a village choked with cars.

- Nothing like your parties then, Max.

- That's different.

Anyway, the last one was for Kate.

- It was?

- We had 23 complaints at the council.

- Oh, a new record.

- It'd be nice to have somewhere local to go to,

then perhaps I wouldn't have to do so much cooking.

- You do make a good piece of toast.

- Well, it's more than you do.

Hm.

- I was at his place in London a couple weeks ago.

I don't think that crowds are gonna be the problem.

(tool scraping)

- Are you starin' at my ass again?

- [Loz] No.

- Nice shape is it?

Think it's firm enough for ya?

Wanna give it a quick squeeze, see if it's right?

- Do you want a cup of tea?

One sugar.

- [Rob] I'll have one too.

- We'll miss the flight.

- I'm only gonna say hello.

- You can do that when we get back.

- Might be too late by then.

- Let's move this lovely piece

of vintage equipment shall we?

- [Loz] It's very precious.

(men grunting)

(car beeping)

(door slams)

(birds chirping)

(microwave thuds)

- Bloody hell!

(birds chirping)

Idiot!

- I'm really sorry.

Are you okay?

- Bloody nearly killed me.

- Yeah, I'm sorry.

We're doing a little bit of reorganizing.

Are you sure you're okay?

I'm Rob.

- Max Templeton.

I live just around the corner.

- Can I get you a drink, cup of tea?

- No thanks.

Kate's told me all about your plans.

- [Rob] Kate?

- My daughter.

- The American?

- The 60's, rock and roll in the States,

a long and brutal story.

Look, we all value the peace and quiet around here.

I hope you're not gonna spoil it.

- Karaoke will only be twice a week.

And a band in on Friday and Saturday.

- What?

- I'm kidding.

It's just a small pub with great food and that's it.

- If you ruin it I'll disembowel ya with a church spire.

(Rob chuckles)

- Do you think I got a chance with Shauna?

- I don't know.

It's all about luck and timing isn't it?

- What should I do?

- Well, try askin' her for a start.

(hooves clomping)

Did you send for the cavalry?

(horse whinnies)

(birds chirping)

(horse snorts)

- Rob Haley?

- No, he's inside.

(horse snorts)

- Won't be a minute.

(horse knickers)

- [Rob] Can I help you?

- Rob Haley?

- [Rob] Yeah.

- James Forester.

I own a bit of the land around here.

- Sorry.

- So, gastronomic oasis, eh?

Good old English grub Kate tells me.

- Is she a friend of yours?

- Bit more than that if you catch

my drift old chap (chuckles).

(paper rustling)

So lamb with lashings of mint sauce and red current jelly.

That the sort of thing?

- Can you pass the scraper please?

- Spotted dick?

- And the screws.

- Keeping the creepy crawlies out, eh?

- That's the idea.

- Don't want the health and safety Gestapo after ya.

I'm expecting great things.

- Well, I hope I don't disappoint you.

- You won't.

Good day.

(gentle upbeat music)

- Just a little reminder.

(gentle upbeat music)

- It's there, we're set.

- Almost.

Come on.

(birds chirping) (engine rumbling)

Whoa.

- Well, that's pretty unequivocal.

- Yeah.

Well, what do you think?

- No trifle?

- Yeah, what about the trifle?

- Absolutely have trifle.

- Ta da!

Michelle, do the honors.

- [Michelle] I now declare The Boot open!

- [All] Woo hoo! (all clapping)

- Woo, woo, woo, woo.

A few customers, word of mouth, we're off.

(upbeat music) (fingers tapping)

(throat clears) (dog panting)

- Afternoon.

- Did you see the sign?

- What sign?

(dog whines)

- Loz?

Get the paint and the stepladder.

(Rob sighs)

At least someone's happy.

- I'll be jiggered.

- It's all right.

Go and take a break.

- Bloody career waitin'

for these two to make up their minds.

- Now then gents, what'll it be?

(clock ticking)

- Plowman's lunch?

Plowman's lunch?

If they think they

can order off menu they're... - Where are you going?

Whoa, whoa, no, no, don't man.

Come on.

They're our only customers.

Come on.

(Rob sighs)

All right.

(Guy spits)

- Mm.

Mm.

A naive domesticated little Bordeaux,

with a presumptuous air of raspberry notes.

Medium tannin and...

- [Tanya] Oh, shit.

- Is that anyway to address an artist at work?

Come, stay awhile.

Some of these are almost palatable.

- We're filming today, remember?

- No, I'll dazzle them.

- They'll cancel it you know?

- They will not cancel it.

I'm a national sensation.

Anyway I'm as sober as judge.

- Come on, coffee time.

- I don't want coffee.

- Put it down, put it down.

Put it... - But why?

- You're going to get some coffee.

Come on you naughty man.

- Witch.

- Miserable old bastards.

And after all that it was a cheese roll with pickle.

Shit.

- Are you all right?

- Save my sorry soul.

- What's this?

- Trifle.

Try some.

- Don't like trifle.

- Go on, just a taste.

- Don't want to.

(Michelle sobs)

(men groaning)

- [Men] Oh (laughing).

- What are you doin' babe?

- Taking Flo out to play.

- Is that all right?

- Ai (laughs).

(engine rumbling) (birds chirping)

- No, come back! (tires squealing)

- Where's Chelle?

- I don't know.

- You all right?

What happened?

- Nothing happened, Dad.

- I was just driving down the road...

- If you're one of those stupid bloody drivers

who won't learn until you've killed someone

why don't you bugger off back to America

and then we'll all be a lot safer.

Come on.

- Fast driving is a touchy subject with it.

He'll calm down in a minute.

- [Rob] No I bloody won't.

- I wasn't driving that fast.

And I made just be another dumb American

to you but I'm not that stupid.

(gentle music) (clock ticking)

- I've been told I have to apologize.

- Are you going to?

- Would you like some lunch?

- Sure.

- Right, well, let's get one thing straight.

You're off the clock.

Let me show you to your table.

(plate thuds)

Calves tongue with celeriac remoulade.

- Sounds delicious.

(upbeat music)

I like it.

- What next?

- She's American so anything with it's head still attached.

Leave it to me.

- [Loz] Madame.

- [Kate] Well, hello there.

- Think it will pick up?

- Well, the food might have been crap

in London but at least we were buyin' lots of it.

(upbeat music)

- Oh no, really I couldn't.

Thank you.

- Pudding, you'll like it.

- Okay.

One bite.

(upbeat music)

Oh my God.

- Told you.

- Mm, mm.

That sole was great, perfect.

And that calf's tongue?

A revelation.

- Thanks.

- And wow that is no ordinary trifle (laughs).

I can't believe I'm gonna say this

but that is some seriously sexy pudding.

So why aren't they lined up around the block?

- We've just opened.

- You have heard of publicity?

Oh, are you just gonna do that British thing

where you hide your light under

a bushel and then complain when no one sees it?

- She knows the secret plan.

- You may wanna rethink that strategy,

particularly your critic issues.

- [Michelle] Come on.

- How much do I owe you?

- It's on the house.

- Thank you.

(door creaking)

- Shall I get the paint pot?

- Not a chance.

(playful music) (knife thudding)

(James blows raspberry) (playful music)

(woman groans)

(James chuckles) (playful music)

- Rise and shine my darling.

Time for my morning ride.

(woman giggles)

- Are we under starters orders?

- Oh you bad girl (laughs).

(birds chirping) (cows mooing)

Still haven't converted to the joys of La Perla I see?

- Still haven't gotten over your nicker fetish I see?

- It's not a fetish.

It's more of an appreciation.

He seems like a nice enough chap for an artisan.

- Who's that?

- That fellow at The Boot.

- Oh, Rob.

Yeah, he's great.

Really great.

- I read your review of his place in London.

I'm sure he'll make a cock of this one too in due course.

- Well, everybody deserves a second chance.

- Of course they do.

- Oh James, please.

- Kate, we were bloody good together.

- Oh come on! - Oh!

Look what you've done.

These trousers are dry clean only.

- Then send me the bill.

- [Loz] What can I get you?

- Where's Michelle?

Oh, I'm gonna go take her to feed the ducks.

- How's it lookin'?

- [Rob] The yacht may have to wait.

- That's all right, I get sea sick.

How long we got?

- [Rob] Another month.

(geese honking)

- Anymore customers?

- Nope.

- That's a shame.

- Yeah, well nothing we can do about it is there?

- No, of course not.

There's nothing that you can do.

I mean, there's nothing anyone can do.

Certainly nothing that I can do because,

I made a promise that no one else will ever know.

- Know about what?

- Your dad's cooking.

- Don't you want people to know?

- I just don't want to be judged at

by some puffed up know nothing critic.

- Present company excepted.

- But don't critics get you noticed?

- Yeah, Dad, don't critics get you noticed?

- Are you two ganging up on me?

(upbeat music) (phone ringing)

Hello?

For four?

Just hang on.

(upbeat music)

Your name?

Vaughn.

Yeah, okay no problem.

(throat clears)

I'll see you then.

(phone ringing)

Do you know what the bloody time is?

(upbeat music)

(phone ringing)

- We're fully booked.

(Loz chuckles)

- [Rob and Michelle] No!

(phone ringing)

- Hello, The Boot.

Six for dinner at eight?

How 'bout Sunday?

Lunch or dinner?

No, I'm sorry.

Next week?

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Bye.

(Loz chuckles)

Bloody hell, what happened?

- We got a review.

(Loz laughs)

(engine rumbling)

(food sizzling) (patrons chattering)

- Stop!

Don't run and don't ever, ever catch anything!

If it falls let it.

It could be sharp, could be hot, it could be both.

I don't want you injured, I need you.

- Yes, Chef.

(engine rumbling)

- What the bloody hell is going on (sighs)?

(horn honking)

Bloody tourists.

They ruin everything.

- Oh, do stop.

(patrons chattering)

- Hey.

- Hey.

This hasn't got anything to do with you has it?

- Definitely not.

- Do you wanna give a hand?

- Oh no, you don't want my help in your kitchen.

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

(Rob laughs)

- Bloody critics.

I know, can't even boil water.

- I keep that to remind me.

- Of how hard you have to work to maintain standards?

- No, what I'm gonna do

to the little bastard when I find them.

- If there's any truth to it at all,

I think they did you a favor.

Where's Michelle?

- She's upstairs.

Oh and Kate?

Thanks.

- What for?

(patrons chattering)

Ingo, vegetables now!

(patrons chattering)

- [Kate] Michelle?

(gentle music)

- Kate?

- Hey.

You ready to go check out the ducks?

(engine rumbling) (birds chirping)

- Oh, here.

- Where are you going?

- To give that jumped up little twat a piece of my mind.

(patrons chattering)

What the bloody hell's going on?

- You look well.

You had a good time?

I wouldn't stand there if I were you.

Listen, we're booked solid but

we can always squeeze you in.

- [Ingo] We're full as a boot.

- You've ruined it.

- What?

- It's taken me two hours to get here.

Two hours.

It normally takes me 40 minutes.

The whole place is choked with cars.

It's a disaster.

- Whoa! - Are you looking for trouble?

- No, but if you could just move a bit.

- I'm not movin' anywhere.

You're the ones who are gonna move.

- Max.

- Traitors!

(owl hooting)

- "'Half a minute if you please' shouted

"the man over his shoulder and vanished

"into a babel of voices and a cloud of smoke."

- You fancy me, right?

- Anyway, night night.

Sleep tight.

Mind the bedbugs don't bite.

- He loves me.

(gentle music)

- [Jess] Let's find out how

the weather's looking with a clear overview.

- [News Anchor] Ai, Jess a fairly quiet weekend.

♪ All you said and all you did to me ♪

Tonight dry for...

♪ Was a storm that lies beneath its dark blue sea ♪

- Hi.

- Hi.

I owe you one.

- Oh, no it's nothing.

I was happy to do it.

♪ It's quietly sinking in

♪ You're not lyin' by my side

- I'm sorry.

I can't.

♪ That's haunted by the only one I've ever wanted ♪

- What happened to her?

- She was a very fast driver.

- Ah.

♪ You warned me

♪ I couldn't say you didn't warn me ♪

I'd better get going.

- Yeah, me too.

I'm off to bed.

♪ That's what I need the most

And Kate, thank you.

- Anytime.

Okay, goodnight.

- Night.

(gentle music) (phone ringing)

(phone chimes)

(gentle music) (birds chirping)

This was a good idea.

(gentle music) (birds chirping)

(wine sloshing) (gentle music)

(birds chirping) (gentle music)

(upbeat music) (knife thudding)

- Perfect.

Off you go.

(gentle music)

- My dad showed me he loved me by having

his secretary sign my birthday cards.

She's a lucky girl.

- She hasn't got a mom has she?

- No, she's got a great dad.

That's more than most.

- You'll lose somethin' like that.

Let me show you how to hold the knife.

You keep your finger on the blade.

- Mm hm.

- Short strokes.

Keep your eye on it and keep your thumb out of the way.

Keep the point of the knife on the board

and let your knuckles guide the blade.

- Mm hm.

(knife thudding) (gentle music)

Oh.

- There you go.

The more even slice the less chance

of your fingers endin' up in the dish.

(Kate chuckles)

'Cause you got such beautiful hands

you don't want them to end up like this.

- Hm.

Safety's a big thing for you.

- Well you know, a kitchen's a dangerous place.

- And not just kitchens.

- So, what happened to your ex?

- Jack?

- Mm.

- Tall, handsome, well educated,

good family, great job, gay and...

(Kate laughs) (Rob laughs)

Exactly.

- And, okay.

What's his face?

- Oh, James?

- Hm.

- How can I put it?

A youthful indiscretion?

- Momentary lapse?

- Drunk.

(Rob laughs) (Kate laughs)

(gentle music) (patrons chattering)

- Oh, "Paradise Lost."

- Don't be silly.

It's just a few extra cars.

He's a great guy, an amazing cook and what

he does brings pleasure to a lotta people.

- At my expense.

- It's always about you isn't it?

- I don't know what you mean.

- Well, it's always when you want it

and how you want it to look.

- Rubbish.

- Before it was rock and roll and a single life

and now it's tranquility and being my father (chuckles).

- Well, you didn't make it easy.

You took your mother's side.

- Are you serious?

I was 12 years old.

How is your screwing around my fault?

You left.

- I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

- But you did.

- Kate, I'm sorry.

I'm really, really sorry and I wanna make it up to you.

- I know.

(gentle music)

I'm gonna walk back.

- Yeah.

(gentle music)

(gentle classical music) (engine rumbling)

- It is unconscionable.

Why are they really waiting for my arrival?

How am I expected to commune with my muse

in these intolerable circumstances?

- Oh, keep your hair on they won't be long.

- Well, why don't you toddle along

and find out exactly how long.

What's this?

- The Boot in Wooten Dusset.

It's just opened.

We thought it might be a possibility

to fill the gap we have on the 17th.

- Well, let's see if it's still there in 10 years time.

- It's Rob Haley's new place.

- Oh, Rob, poor Rob.

It's too sad, it really is.

He's totally lost it.

What a shame.

What on God's green Earth are those nincompoops up to?

Do be a dear and go and find out will you?

(Tanya sighs) (gentle classical music)

- Your bloody Mary with a splash of sherry as ordered.

- Derek, you are a God.

I thought Nanny would never go.

Mm.

This new place, where is Wooten Dusset?

- About 20 minutes away.

- Time for a little expedition.

- You're gonna get me into serious trouble.

- Oh, you're used to it by now.

Derek, anyway it's research for the 17th.

You heard what Little Miss Muffet said.

(Derek sighs)

(engine rumbling)

- Boss, I think we might have a bit of a problem.

- Derek, are you in trouble again?

(patrons chattering)

- Shauna, what is he doing here?

- Who?

- Guy Witherspoon.

- Shit.

Do you wanna get rid of him or shall I?

- You know how many people watch his show.

- Rob'll freak if he sees him.

- Okay.

- Ingo, how long for my sole?

- Two minutes, mate.

- Guy Witherspoon's here.

- Shit.

- Tell me there isn't a problem.

- No mate. - No problem.

- [Loz] No problem at all.

Why would there be a problem?

- I'm going in.

- The sou chef's really shy.

- I don't care.

- Tipped his face in the chip pan.

- Nevermind, I... - Horrible burns, you'd...

- Anything else?

Bag of crisps?

- Yeah, I'll do it.

- No, no, don't bother.

- What's goin' on?

- Nothing. - I wasn't askin' you.

What the hell's goin' on?

- Look, mate, no.

Come on, you don't... - You don't wanna see it.

- I'm going... - You really don't

wanna see it. - What if I...

- Rob, they said you weren't here.

- Guy?

- Dear boy (laughs).

(Rob laughs)

- Do you know, he's the only critic

worth a (speaking in foreign language).

- You got time for a little chat-lette?

- Oh, a quick one.

Armagnac?

- You remembered, I'm touched.

(Guy speaking in foreign language)

- I think we have some.

- Then twist my rubber arm (chuckles).

- [Rob] Right.

Love your tie. - Thank you, darling.

(liquid sloshing)

Darling boy, this program immortalizes.

It can immortalize this lovely place of yours.

- I'm not interested in immortality, Guy.

I just wanna feed people.

- What about the team?

It might be quite pleasant to them,

might it not tickle them?

Think it over.

I will not badger you.

Call me if you change your mind.

If and only if you think it might be fun.

- Hm.

Are you off?

- Can't leave that lovely stuff trapped in there.

It's cruel.

Hm.

(liquid sloshing)

(clock ticking)

(door creaking)

(clock ticking) (floorboards creaking)

- What are you doin' out here?

- I'm tryin' to think of somethin' to say.

- How long's that gonna take ya?

- Um...

- You are bloody useless.

Is this all I get after months of waitin'?

(Shauna moans)

Get inside you lovely big burke.

(Shauna giggles)

- [Loz] What do you mean months of waitin'?

- Men!

(Shauna moans)

(door slams)

(cereal shaking)

- Coco Snaps or porridge?

I know what you mean.

(cereal clattering)

Mornin'.

Opa!

- Sleep well did you?

- Like a baby.

- I don't suppose you wanna be on TV do you?

- What, he wants to do "Food for Thought" from here?

Seriously (laughs)?

- So that's a no then?

(Shauna moaning) (Loz moaning)

- What's going on?

- They're playing some stupid game.

- I am going to be a TV star.

- "Food for Thought"?

- [Loz] Oh yes.

(Shauna squeals)

(Shauna laughs) (Loz laughs)

- Give him a call.

- Come on.

- Oh.

Shall I do the tea then?

- So we start outside? - Yep.

- [Man] We'll get Guy

to do the introduction. - That's...

(Guy snoring)

- I'm sorry, just, just look at him!

- It's your aftershave.

It's damaged my olfactory receptors.

- I can't work with him any longer.

- You need me.

- All right, let's all stay calm shall we?

Now we shoot on the 17th.

I promise that Guy will be there sober and on time.

- No, no Tanya.

What have I told you about making promises?

- Terry?

(playful music)

Terry here will be making sure

that nothing untoward occurs.

Won't you, Terry?

- Mr. Witherspoon will be at the appointed place

at the appointed time ready to go

as clean as a whistle, as pure as the driven.

Not a drop of alcohol will pass his lips until then.

- You can't do that.

- Really?

Watch me.

(helicopter engine rumbling)

- Are we expecting anyone?

(helicopter engine whirring) (upbeat music)

Flash bastard.

(helicopter engine whirring) (upbeat music)

He's landing on my bloody croquet lawn!

(upbeat music) (helicopter engine whirring)

- Sorry to ruin your little game.

I think the pilot got a bit lost.

- Oh, you coulda fooled me, son.

- You don't know where Rob Haley's Boot is, do ya?

- What?

- It's that way at the end of the drive.

- Okay, nice one.

Cheers.

(upbeat music)

- Right, that's it.

Game over.

- Not 'til you hit the post.

(upbeat music)

- (chuckles) I think the croquette

went very well with the skate.

- The (speaking in foreign language)

might've been a better choice,

but you got to love the way he does the butter.

Blackened to perfection and exactly

the right amount of capers.

- Who woulda thought you could do that with a carrot?

(men laughing)

- I can definitely help.

You're forgetting about my military training.

- I thought you were kicked out

of the territorials 'cause all

you ever did was go to the dinners.

- I wasn't kicked out.

I was asked to leave.

(Max chuckles)

And what's the plan?

- Don't move.

I'll be back in a minute.

Operation ratatouille (chuckles).

- [Rob] What, what's wrong with it?

- It's not what they ordered.

Dude, it's gettin' nasty out there.

- It's not much better in here.

Tell 'em it's all we got.

Tell 'em it's on the house.

The steak's gone, the halibut's finished

and there's no more salad, Loz.

- [Loz] Well, they won't like it.

- Ow.

Oh! - What?

What did you do? - No, it's...

- Did you get hurt?

What did you do? - No, it's okay, it's okay.

(gentle music)

(playful music)

(woman giggles)

- Did you ever find your nickers my darling?

- I really wanted that one.

- Then you shall have it.

I know the owner.

- I wouldn't go in there, mate.

- Is that so?

(playful music)

(objects clattering)

What the bloody hell is going on?

- Whoa, excuse me.

- Listen here moon face,

I'm an expert at martial arts.

Woo!

- Well I'm in a blind panic.

- Thank you.

Right (finger snapping).

You're coming with me.

- You didn't just snap your fingers at me.

- I did.

- You know a kitchen's a very dangerous place, James.

Anything could happen.

- Leave, now.

- You haven't heard the last of this.

(all laughing)

Mike Tango?

This is Juliette Foxtrot.

No Max, it's James.

Operation Moussaka is a go.

I repeat, Operation Moussaka is a go.

- Bless you.

Cheers. (glasses clinking)

- Cheers.

- So?

- What?

- So what are you gonna do about Kate?

- Do?

- Well, she fancies you, you fancy her.

- Well, hello there Oprah.

I didn't recognize you there for a moment.

- I'm tryin' to do you a favor.

- Great, well look after Michelle for me will ya?

I'm poppin' out for a bit.

- You are?

- Mm hm.

- Oh.

Oh (laughs).

Well knock me down with a feather then.

(gentle music)

- Shh!

- Do you know how daft this is?

I feel like I'm a teenager.

I mean, this is legal.

- I know but I'm still his little girl so shh.

- Okay.

(gentle music)

I have to tell you (throat clears), it's been awhile.

- Me too.

(gentle music)

I need to tell you something.

- [Rob] What?

A few tips on technique?

- No.

- Always the critic.

So what do I get?

- Three.

- Three? - Mm.

Three stars out of five.

- Oh.

- [Kate] Trust me, you don't want five.

- You don't?

- No.

Five stars out of five means you're a professional

and that's not good in bed,

that's just kinda creepy.

But a talented amateur who does it with sincerity,

that's way better.

- Hm, come here then.

(Rob moans)

(playful music)

- The Boot.

I'll give him the boot.

- You sure you're okay?

- Yes.

She comes first and she should (sighs).

- All right.

(Kate laughs)

(Kate giggles)

(Kate sighs)

(playful music)

(engine rumbling) (pensive music)

(rats squeaking) (pensive music)

(latch clangs)

- [Michelle] Dad?

- Hm?

- I think there's someone outside.

- It's probably just a fox or something sweetheart.

Go back to bed.

(pensive music)

(health inspector knocking)

- Mr. Haley?

Mr. Robert Haley?

- Yeah.

- Health and Safety.

Do you have somewhere I can get changed?

- What's this about?

- There's been a complaint.

- What sort of complaint?

- I couldn't possibly say.

- Who was it?

- You should know better than that, Sir.

- Do you want some coffee?

- Oh dear.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

(Rob groans)

That is disgusting.

I'm giving you an official warning.

You're in breech of health standards regulations.

(rats squeaking)

- I don't want some bloody publican from London turn

the entire village into a carpark and ruin for everyone.

- For you, you mean.

- For everyone.

- Change the record, darling.

You haven't had a hit for years.

- I suppose a boiled egg's out of the question?

- Morning, Dad.

- Good morning.

- I've got a surprise for you.

- Oh?

- Mm hm.

Close your eyes.

(gentle music)

Open wide.

- Ah.

Oh, it's wonderful.

- Amazing, huh?

- Absolutely.

- He's gifted and he has the cutest daughter.

- You're happy here then?

- Mm (chuckles).

You okay?

- Never better darling.

Never better.

(officer knocking) (pensive music)

- Now what?

- I have a warrant to search the premises.

- Of course you do.

What for?

- I'm sorry Sir, I couldn't possibly say.

- Of course you can't.

You better come in.

How the hell did they know?

- I haven't got a clue.

(James knocking) (pensive music)

- What's this?

- You've been closed pending a review by the council.

It's a summons.

There have been a lot of complaints.

You've outstayed your welcome.

You know, the chap who normally does this

gets paid 10 pounds an hour.

I gave him 200 to let me do this one.

Best money I ever spent.

One more thing.

She's mine.

Keep your hands off.

There's a good chap or things could get really nasty.

(James chuckles)

I almost forgot.

Ever wondered who wrote that review

you have up in your kitchen?

- Kate?

- I see you have.

Well done.

Clever you.

See you next Tuesday.

- Kate's boyfriend and her dad have shut us down.

- Kate's got a boyfriend?

- Hi.

Good morning to you too.

What's up with Grumpy?

- They're closing us down.

- What?

- Kate, leave him alone.

- They can't do this.

- They have.

- What can I do?

- I think you've done quite enough.

- What do you mean?

- You dad, Forester, they signed

the complaint and your boyfriend left these.

- Oh my God.

- Oh, so they are yours?

- He is not my boyfriend and I swear,

I don't know where he got these.

- Do you know anything about this?

- I've been trying to tell you.

- Of course you have.

Get out.

- Oh, Rob please,

don't do this. - Get out.

- You were cooking crap before and you know it.

And if you'd think I'd screw

you over then you don't know me very well.

- Well, ain't that the truth?

Get out.

- Just because your wife died and you have a cute kid,

that doesn't give you the right to be a...

- Okay, thank you, bye.

Close the door on your way out.

Oh, and Kate?

Do me a favor.

Don't say goodbye to Michelle.

(paper crinkling)

(paper thuds)

(Rob sighs)

(gentle music)

(geese honking)

(gentle music) (birds chirping)

What the hell is...

Hey!

(Rob knocking)

Hey!

What the hell are you doin'?

(Rob knocking)

What?

- You Rob Haley? - Yes.

- Good.

Her royal highness will be here at 11.

You gotta be ready by then or there's gonna be hell to pay.

- Who, royal highness?

- Guy.

Witherspoon.

- Loz!

- If they close us down we get one great moment.

If they don't, who knows?

- Well, then who's gonna cook?

You?

It's a pity we got rid of the microwave.

Just warm this up and you'll be fine.

- Did you see the slaying he gave

that gastro pub last week?

It was cold blooded murder.

- [Rob] You'll be all right.

- Of course you will.

You'll be fine.

- [Michelle] He'd be finer if Kate was here.

- Michelle, sometimes grownups fall out.

Come and give me a good luck hug.

- Bite me.

(playful music)

- So, I can have a glass of wine when I finish,

is that right, Tanya?

- Yes, Guy.

- As long as everyone's aware.

(playful music) (engine rumbling)

(gentle music) (birds chirping)

- You can do it.

- Of course you can.

- You'll be great, really great.

- We have a critic to impress.

- Thank God.

- What about the hearing?

- Well, if they don't want us here

then we'll just have to go somewhere where they do won't we?

Come on!

(birds chirping)

- How much longer Mr. Forester?

- He should be here in a few minutes.

(knife thudding)

- At my signal unleash hell.

(upbeat music)

- Where's Mr. Haley?

- He probably realizes it's a lost cause.

(upbeat music) (pan sizzling)

(knife thudding) (upbeat music)

(engine rumbling) (upbeat music)

(tires screeching)

- Sorry I'm late.

- Kate, darling so glad you came.

- Oh yeah?

- How 'bout dinner this evening to celebrate?

- Oh.

You might wanna stick these back in your collection.

Gap hasn't made them like this in 10 years

and I bet they look real cute on you.

- How do you know...

- Mr. Templeton will not be joining us this morning

but he would like to withdraw all his complaints.

- What?

- And I am here on behalf of Mr. Haley.

- Kate, you can't.

- Watch me.

- Could we just get on with this, please?

- Right.

Let's start with the rats.

- Oh, your special subject Mr. Forester?

- There's a rather long list of complaints.

- All complete crap.

I'm sorry can I say that here?

- The parking issues?

- What parking issues?

- Miss Templeton...

(Kate chuckles)

The Hell's Angels?

- You're kidding, right?

- Miss Templeton, I warn you if you interrupt again

we will eject you from the proceeding.

- All Rob Haley does is be a great cook and a great dad.

If that's a crime then we're all screwed.

- There must've been at least 100 cars trying

to get into the village.

You couldn't breathe because of the fumes.

There were even coaches of tourists.

- One coach and it's not like

they were on a gastronomic pilgrimage.

It was a bunch of bare ass drunken rugby players.

- Out.

- If you can't get it through your pea sized brain

that he's been lying for... - Out!

- Kate, sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.

- You think valor's a couch covering.

- Out Miss Templeton.

- Bye Kate.

- One last thing, Mr. Forester if I may,

the Hell's Angel, what kind of motorcycle was it?

(engine rumbling)

- Here we are on this splendid, crisp, autumnal day

barely an hour away from the fleshpots of London,

deep in the Arcadian splendors of the British countryside.

And we're here to have lunch at The Boot.

Here it must be said despite the manifest splendors

and beauty surrounding us,

we are in a culinary desert,

a culinary desert relieved by Rob Haley

and his team who have created a veritable oasis

serving British food with honest heart.

Shall we go in?

- Cut!

Straight through, not a stumble.

- That looks good enough to eat.

- Go.

(birds chirping)

- A modest little selection but very carefully chosen.

(wine sloshing)

Warm salmon mousse with an English asparagus sauce and...

- When you've finished.

- Cut, go. - Have you gone

completely mad?

- Don't panic.

It's apple juice.

- [Director] Guy, if you don't mind

we've got two more courses.

Just give us an opinion would you love?

Action.

- Perfect.

Beautiful textures, extraordinary combination of flavors.

Inspirational.

(door creaking)

So there we have it.

Another excellent meal in convivial surroundings.

Further proof if any further proof were needed

that in the culinary stakes we can look

our continental cousins squarely in the eye.

So, as the good guide says, worth the detour.

(Guy speaking in foreign language)

- And that's a wrap!

Don't believe it.

There is a God.

(wine sloshing) (Guy exhales)

- Oh for goodness sake sit down will you?

Have a glass.

- Not for me thanks.

Couldn't bare the thought of starting over again.

Two years, 127 days.

- Oh, well.

Why don't you have some of this?

Sherry free I promise you.

Absolutely marvelous.

- Nice.

(engine rumbling) (upbeat music)

- Hey Alfie.

Have our last pint.

- Oh, mind if I call Bertie?

- The more the merrier.

There's half a barrel left.

- Oh (chuckles).

(engine rumbling) (upbeat music)

- Oh great, the mystery Hell's Angel.

- Oh, how very flattering.

- Bloody hell.

- Yes, indeed.

I've come to tell you that you can reopen.

- How?

Why?

- Well, I suggest you put your tongue

back in your mouth, get in your car and go and ask Kate.

- No.

- Why are men so ridiculously obtuse sometimes?

- I'm sorry?

- Who do you think came to the council

this morning on your behalf and saved your bacon?

- You're joking?

- No, I'm not.

- Yeah, but she still wrote that bloody awful review.

- Rob...

- In a minute.

- Rob... - Jesus Loz,

get the man a drink.

- Rob? - Yeah, what?

- Don't be a bloody fool!

She did you a favor.

♪ Whatever happened to the mirror ♪

♪ That showed me a happy face

- Christ.

- And despite everything she still actually likes you.

- She does?

- So if you don't go after her now...

- Where is she?

(engine rumbling)

- She's left for the airport.

♪ Good things come and come unto who those who wait ♪

♪ Whatever happened

- [Loz] You know he never goes over 20 miles an hour.

- He's gonna have to do better than that.

- No chance.

(engine rumbling)

Well, I better get that paint.

♪ Gotta look myself in the eye

♪ And say it's gonna be all right ♪

♪ And I do everything

♪ I'll be all right all the time ♪

♪ We've gotta take these chances tonight ♪

♪ It's gonna be all right

♪ Gotta see things at the time

♪ At the time

(gate crashing)

(tires squealing)

(car crashes)

(engine rumbling)

- I'm sorry.

(engine rumbling)

You must be joking.

Kate, stop!

Stop!

(engine rumbling)

(door slams)

- See?

I've never hit a thing even if it deserved hitting.

So it's 15 miles per hour or this?

- All or nothing.

- It's kinda hard on the car isn't it?

- Well, you gotta take risks once in awhile.

- Is that a fact?

- I've been an idiot.

- Yes, you have.

- And you were right.

I was cooking awful, just awful food.

You reminded me of who I was

and what I was supposed to be and what I could be.

I know the British are rubbish

at saying anything heartfelt and I'm worse than most

but I just wanted you to know that everything

has changed because of you and I just wanted

you to know that before you left.

- Hm.

- That's very sweet.

But you could've told me that next Wednesday.

- What?

- I'm only goin' to Paris for a week.

(Rob chuckles) (gentle music)

- I don't care if it was for a week or a day or an hour.

It was totally worth it.

(Kate sighs)

(gentle music)

- From now on I'll do the driving.

- Why?

I thought it turned out rather well.

(Kate laughs) (gentle music)

- So there we have it.

Another excellent meal in convivial surroundings.

Further proof if any further proof

were needed that in the culinary stakes,

we can look our continental cousins squarely in the eye.

So, as the good guide says, worth the detour.

(Guy speaking in foreign language)

- What the hell are you lot lookin' at?

Get back to bloody work.

("Everything Sunshine")

♪ Pull up the shade

♪ Open the window

♪ Introduce another day

♪ You met your match last night ♪

♪ You got lost in the storm

♪ Searchin' for another life

♪ I found a melody to say

♪ I think today is gonna bring

♪ Everything sunshine

♪ Everything brighter

♪ Everything left for us to do

♪ Is falling in order

♪ Don't you think some day's better than never ♪

♪ Don't you think all we're goin' through ♪

♪ Leads us to all we never knew ♪

♪ Everything sunshine

♪ And I don't miss a thing

♪ You look like you're up for fun ♪

♪ So, put on your nice shoes

♪ And dance until what's done is done ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got a second plan ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ I thought it was ending

♪ We're only just about to begin ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got a melody to say ♪

♪ I think today is gonna bring

♪ Everything sunshine

♪ Everything brighter

♪ Everything left for us to do

♪ Is falling in order

♪ Don't you think some day's better than never ♪

♪ Don't you think all we're goin' through ♪

♪ Leads us to all we never knew ♪

♪ Everything sunshine

♪ Tell me we'll get better baby ♪

♪ Tell me we're all right

♪ The memory of those lonely evening's ♪

♪ And every sleepless night

♪ You told me that you love me then ♪

♪ And you said you love me now

♪ And though we only learn as fast as time will allow ♪

♪ Everything sunshine

♪ Everything brighter

♪ Everything left for us to do

♪ Is falling in order

♪ Don't you think someday

♪ Is better than never

♪ Don't you think all we're goin' through ♪

♪ Leads us to all we never knew ♪

♪ Don't you think all we're going through ♪

♪ Leads us to all we never knew ♪

♪ And everything sunshine

♪ And I don't miss a thing