Original subtitles

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TENSE MUSIC

POLICE SIREN

Hey, you got a permit for those guns?

I got your permit right here.

80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC

Catchy tune.

SOUND EFFECTS AND SHOOTING FROM ARCADE GAMES

GEEK IN ARCADE Fuck this game.

FUCK YOU! ARCADE GAME BEEPING

STATIC FROM ARCADE GAME

CLANKING AND WHIRRING OF MACHINERY

CAR HORNS HONKING AND PEOPLE SCREAMING

PEOPLE SCREAMING AND BABY CRYING

SIGNAL FROM POLICE WALK TALKIE We need backup, we need Kung Fury.

GUN SHOTS AND SCREAMING IN THE DISTANCE

SEDUCTIVE 80'S SAXOPHONE MUSIC

Yeah, that's my bicep.

TELEPHONE RINGING

One second babe.

Hello?

POLICE OFFICER We got an arcade machine down here going crazy,

it is killing everybody, it's destruction, chaos, terror-

CRUNCHING OF PLASTIC

What are you gonna do?

My job.

80'S SYNTHPOP ACTION MUSIC

CAR ENGINE REVVING

PEOPLE SCREAMING AND DOG WHIMPERING

CAR HORNS HONKING AND CAR ACCELERATING

80'S TECHNOPOP ACTION MUSIC

INTERFERENCE IN MUSIC

MUSIC KICKS BACK IN

FUTURISTIC GUN SHOTS

INTERFERENCE IN MUSIC

END OF 80'S TECHNOPOP ACTION MUSIC

Game over.

STATIC FROM FAILING MACHINERY

KUNG FURY I'm a cop and damn good at my job.

It all began years ago.

In the line of duty,

me and my partner were chasing down

a mysterious Kung Fu-master.

KUNG FURY You're under arrest, punk.

Show us your hands.

CLINKING OF METAL CLASPS CLOSING

Good work, Dragon.

That crazy stunt could've killed us both.

But goddammit, you're the best partner I've ever had.

Thanks, I learned from the best.

You're like a father to me. SWORD SWINGING

KUNG FURY With one fatal blow, he hit my partner.

SQUELCHING

KUNG FURY I could tell he was dead straight off.

TENSE MUSIC AND KUNG-FU MASTER GRUNTING

EERY ECHOING AND DRIPPING OF BLOOD

KUNG FURY Before I could pull the trigger

I was hit by lightning and bitten by a cobra.

I blacked out.

EERY ECHOING AND SOFT TINKLING

And saw images of ancient Shaolin temples and monks,

mastering the art of Kung Fu.

There was an ancient prophecy,

about a new form of Kung Fu so powerful,

only one man could master it.

The chosen one.

When I woke up,

I saw the Kung Fu master running towards me.

I could feel my body mutate

into some sort of Kung Fu freak of nature.

KUNG FU MASTER SCREAMING

80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC WITH A KUNG FU UNDERTONE

You!

You are the chosen one!

- Knock, knock. - Who's there?

Knuckles.

KUNG FU MASTER SCREAMING IN THE DISTANCE

TENSE MUSIC AND FIRE CRACKLING

KUNG FURY As a memento,

I put on a strip of cloth from the dead Kung Fu master.

I decided I would use my new super Kung Fu powers

to fight crime.

So, I became the best cop in the world.

I became, Kung Fury.

80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC

80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC FADES OUT

STATIC FROM RADIO AND NOISES FROM THE CITY

CHIEF MCNICKLES I don't wanna hear it Kung Fury.

I just got back from city hall, $50 million worth of damages,

and I got the mayor up my ass like a fag on Viagra.

How am I going to explain this to the press, hm?

You just destroyed an entire city block for Christ's sake.

Didn't you tell me to block it out?

I told you do it by the book.

Cut the bullshit.

Nobody else could have stopped

that arcade machine and you know it.

CHIEF MCNICKLES Oh man, listen to me Kung Fury.

You need to start following the rules like the rest of us,

so I'm assigning you a new partner.

What? Hell no, I work alone.

Not anymore you don't.

Say hi to your new partner, Triceracop.

Very nice meeting you Kung Fury,

looking forward to working with you.

You're like a father to me.

I work alone.

Either you team up with Triceracop,

or you're off the case.

I'm not off the case,

I quit.

80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC

80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC COMING FROM RADIO

Yeah Yeah, I did the blood test.

It was positive, yeah?

GIRL ON PHONE What the hell are you talking about?

Yeah no problem.

HITLER Give me the phone.

TENSE MUSIC

HITLER DIALLING PHONE

What the hell is this?

TELELPHONE RINGING

- Chief McNickles speaking. - Is this the police?

- Yeah, this is the police. - Fuck you!

POLICE OFFICERS SHOUTING HYSTERICALLY

BULLETS PINGING OFF WALLS AND GLASS SMASHING

MALFUNCTIONING? PHONE BEEPING

I need someone to trace that call!

But that's impossible!

HACKERMAN Not for me it isn't.

ROCK AND ROLL GUITAR RIFF

KUNG FURY Hackerman, he's the most powerful hacker of all time.

Follow me.

HACKERMAN I was able to triangulate the cell phone signal

and trace the caller.

His name is Adolf Hitler.

Hitler, he's the worst criminal of all time.

Do you know him, sir?

I guess you could say that.

In the 1940's, Hitler was a Kung Fu champion.

KUNG FURY He was so good at Kung Fu,

that he decided to change his name to Kung Fuhrer.

But he didn't stop there.

He knew of the Kung Fury prophecy,

and wanted to claim the throne.

He and his posse of Nazi soldiers

conducted experiments for years.

TENSE MUSIC WITH A KUNG FU UNDERTONE

But they weren't able to figure out

how to master the art of Kung Fury.

And one day,

he disappeared from the face of the earth.

And no-one has seen him ever since.

Until now.

I guess he figured if he could find and kill the chosen one,

he would become Kung Fury himself.

He must have traveled in time in order to get here,

that's probably why he disappeared.

So, what're you gonna do?

My job.

I'm gonna go back in time to Nazi Germany,

and kill Hitler, once and for all.

HACKERMAN So, how are you gonna do that?

I'm not sure.

I need some sort of time machine.

Wait a minute,

using an RX modulator, I might be able to conduct

a mainframe cell direct and hack the uplink to the download.

What does that mean?

With the right algorithms, I can hack you back in time.

Just like a time machine.

Well then, it's hacking time.

80'S TECHNOPOP ACTION MUSIC

80'S ACTION MUSIC FADES TO STATIC

ACTION MUSIC KICKS BACK IN

COMPUTER BEEPING

Oh, no!

INTERFERENCE IN 80'S ACTION MUSIC

SILENCE

EERY ECHOING AND WIND BLOWING

SOFT 80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC

ELECTRICAL SURGE

MUSIC FADES OUT

Fuck!

That's a Laser-Raptor.

I thought they went extinct thousands of years ago.

TENSE MUSIC

MACHINE GUN SHOOTING AND LASER-RAPTOR WAILING

SOFT, INDIGENOUS MUSIC

BIRD CAWING IN THE DISTANCE

Who are you?

My name,

is Barbarianna.

ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC

What year is this?

It's the Viking age.

That explains the Laser-Raptor. Fuck!

I went too far back in time.

You need to get out of this valley.

This place is swarming with Laser-Raptors.

I'll meet you at the God's drop. Katana can help you get there.

Who's Katana?

KATANA I'm Katana.

I can give you a ride to Asgard.

A ride on what?

UPBEAT ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC

ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC FADES OUT

So, who are you?

I'm a cop from the future.

I was sent back in time to kill Hitler,

but I accidently went too far back in time

and ended up in this place.

I know someone who might be able to help you.

INTERFERENCE IN MUSIC

Thor!

DRAMATIC MUSIC

THOR Behold! It is me, Thor!

Son of Odin and protector of mankind.

Check out my pecs.

Your pecs are epic.

THOR Thanks bro!

So, anyway.

Thor, this is Kung Fury, he's a cop from the future.

KUNG FURY Yeah, I need to get to Nazi Germany and kill Hitler...

- so if you could help me with-- - Stop!

SOUNDS OF A STORM BREWING

Hammer time.

DRAMATIC 80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC

Walk through this portal and you'll end up in Nazi Germany.

Good luck to you Kung Fury!

Thanks Thor!

Well, looks like this is my ride.

Hey, future cop, where are you going?

You know what. Here, take my number.

And use this phone to call me.

It's a personal, transportable, cellular telephone.

It features 645 channel capacity,

10 number speed dial, and an electronic security lock.

This revolution in communication could make it possible

for more and more people to have a phone in their car!

80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC

MUSIC FADES OUT

TENSE MUSIC

MUSIC FADES OUT

Tank you.

TENSE MUSIC

I'm the greatest Kung Fu master of all time,

right guys?

CROWD CHEERING AND WHISTLING

HITLER Thank you!

TANK ENGINE REVVING AND ACCELERATING

KUNG FURY I'm disarming you.

My arm! My arm!

ARM MIMICS THE SOUND OF A HELICOPER

DULL THUD

LOW INTENSE DRONE

Kill him!

CLAMOR OF NAZI SOLDIERS

NAZI SOLDIERS GROANING IN PAIN AND KUNG FURY GRUNTING

80'S TECHNOPOP ACTION MUSIC

You don't need that spine,

it's holding your back!

MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY

SOFT, SAD MUSIC

NAZI SOLIDERS GROANING

KUNG FURY GROANING IN PAIN

HITLER A-ha!

Fuck you Kung Fury.

Now nothing can stop me and my army of death.

HITLER LAUGHING AND CROWD APPLAUDING

MUSIC BUILDS

CROWD WHISTLING AND CHEERING

Thank you guys!

MUSIC BUILDS TO A CRESCENDO AND THEN FADES OUT

SOUNDS OF A STORM BREWING

What the fuck?

CROWD CHATTERING HYSTERICALLY

THUNDER AND LIGHTENING

LOW RUMBLING

THUNDER CLAPPING

EERY ECHOING

BEEPING AND WHIRRING OF MACHINERY

SILENCE

NAZI SOLDIERS PRATTLING AND LASER-RAPTOR SNARLING

Kill them!

80'S TECHNOPOP ACTION MUSIC

MUSIC ENDS ABRUPTLY AND SHOOTING OF GUNS

NAZI SOLDER SCREAMING

80'S TECHNOPOP ACTION MUSIC KICKS BACK IN

FUTURISTIC GUN SHOTS AND CROWD SCREAMING IN AGONY

MUSIC FADES OUT

NAZI SOLDIER GROANING IN PAIN

Alright Hitler, the gig is up, show me your hands.

CLANKING AND WHIRRING OF MACHINERY

TRICERACOP GRUNTING IN CONFUSION

BIRD CAWING

TRICERACOP Hackerman, have you seen Kung Fury?

HACKERMAN Oh, no! We were too late.

UPBEAT 80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC

MUSIC FADES OUT

CARTOON KUNG FURY GRUNTS IN CONFUSION

Who the hell are you?

My name is Cobra.

I've been expecting you Kung Fury.

I'm your spirit animal.

What the hell is this place?

This is heaven, I'm afraid you're dead.

What?

But it looks so real.

Yeah, no it's totally real.

Mr. Cobra, I'm a police officer.

I need you to send me back to earth, pronto.

I'm sorry, I can't help you with that.

You see, you're dead.

- You're under arrest! - What?

For obstruction of justice, you're breaking the law!

ACTION MUSIC WITH DRAMATIC SINGING

CARTOON KUNG FURY SCREAMING AND MUSIC FADES OUT

What the hell happened?

I hacked away all of your bullet wounds Kung Fury.

Thanks!

BIRD CAWING AND LASER-RAPTOR SHRIEKING

TENSE MUSIC

I want to welcome you and your friends to Germany.

We are not so different, you and I.

I mean we both got good style, you know?

Red, you know?

So, that's cool!

We both like doing moves, check it out!

HITLER GRUNTS IN EXERTION

And killing people, I love it, you clearly do, too!

And that's cool!

Join me,

we could be brothers, we are so alike.

It's almost like we finish each other's...

- Balls. - What?

HITLER GROANS IN PAIN

Oh, my, not much left of him is there?

The important thing is that he is gone.

Sorry I doubted you Triceracop.

You're the best damn partner I've ever had.

I came back in time for you Kung Fury,

because, damn it, I love you.

TRIUMPHANT 80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC

Team work is very important.

So, what happens now Kung Fury?

Well, I need to head back to the office.

Looks like it's gonna be hell of a lot of paperwork.

TRIUMPHANT 80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC

CAR HORNS HONKING AND PEOPLE SCREAMING

CAR HORNS HONKING AND CAR ENGINE ACCELERATING

Open the doors, Hoff.

I'm sorry Fury, I can't let you do that.

Open the doors, Hoff!

I'm sorry, I can't let you open the doors Kung Fury.

Goddammit, open the doors!

- Sorry I can't-- - Open the doors!

Did anyone ever tell you not to hassle the Hoff 9000?

Oh, Hoff 9000, you son of a bitch.

UPBEAT 80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC

INTERFERENCE IN MUSIC COMING FROM RADIO

Piece of shit.

INTERFERENCE IN RADIO SIGNAL

TENSE DRUM MACHINE MUSIC

TRICERACOP Oh, my, not much left of him is there?

KUNG FURY The important thing is that he is gone.

MUSIC BUILDS

Game over.

Wait a minute,

I've seen that symbol before...

somewhere.

Hitler!

BIRD CAWING

TENSE MUSIC

80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC