Original subtitles

[Henry] Whoever did this wanted us to find the body.

Most likely moved from another location and dumped here.

-Who would do this? -Someone from Birch Creek.

How do you figure?

Call it a hunch.

Not exactly 'The Case of the Speckled Band'.

Uh?

The notoriously difficult Sherlock Holmes mystery.

Not a reading crowd, I guess.

So you going to the big game, Glen?

You bet. Go, Eagles!

-Go, Eagles! -Ah, yeah!

Go, the Eagles.

-Well, see ya. -Yeah, sure.

I forgot how football crazy this town is.

Yeah, well, the Eagles do look damn good this season.

Brand-new QB transferred in from a high school in Texas.

Cannon for an arm. Birch Creek is going down!

They think they're so great over there

'cause they have a Sam's Club and a Costco.

Come on. Where's your school spirit?

It's rivalry week.

I'm supposed to get excited about gerrymandered city lines

that determine what colour sweatshirt we should like

and cheer for another town's kids to get concussed?

Painfully clear why

you sat by yourself at lunch in high school.

Speaking of the old days,

the short cut to the police station

doesn't happen to still be there, does it?

The hole in the fence in the alley?

No, they fixed that, like, five years ago.

Last one to the station buys lunch!

I didn't agree to this wager!

[theme music]

Neat place. You come here a lot?

No. That's kind of the point, on account of the...

Sensitive nature of this transaction. Right!

[sighs, sniffs]

Have you tried a Neti pot? Changed my life.

-What? -For your sinuses.

You know, it's ragweed season?

I noticed you wiping your nose a lot.

-Don't notice things about me. -Right.

-Bring the photo? -Yep.

Here's the guy.

-That's Jake Wilson. -You know him?

Eagles, star quarterback.

This kid is the real deal.

Yeah, well, I want him gone.

I mean, not dead. Okay? Just... gone.

Yeah, well. It's your money.

-Did you get the burners? -Yeah.

-They're pink. -Yes, sorry.

That's all they had. That and... Sponge Bob.

Come to think of it, Sponge Bob was more of a walkie-talkie...

You talk too much.

Yeah, sorry. Happens when I get nervous.

I also get hungry. I'm thinking about ordering something.

Do you want to split a Cobb salad?

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven and eight.

[boys grunt, whistle blows]

Dude, found this taped to your locker.

Oh, that's nothing. That's... just a bad joke.

Oh.

[speaks Russian]

The words of my great teacher, prima ballerina Anna Morazova.

You can Google translate.

Tonight, on her birthday,

we will honour her with best recital this town has ever seen.

Why the sad clown face, Paige?

Nobody's gonna come. It's the Birch Creek game tonight.

That's why none of the other girls are at rehearsal.

We will still do show.

-You are number-one dancer now. -Cool!

Does not mean you are good.

Okay, everybody listen up. Two big announcements.

First off - Henry's buying lunch.

Lily, find the most expensive place to order from.

That would be the new Italian place on Douglas.

I'm not gonna use a coupon, even though I have one.

Is today the day I try calamari?

No.

You cheated and you had a head start.

You still woulda lost.

You're tall but you run like Frankenstein.

Frankenstein was the doctor. And his footspeed was unknown.

Yeah. I was just about to say that.

Brother from another mother. [clicks teeth]

You're a grown man in a letterman jacket.

[laughs] It's Rivalry Week, baby! Yo!

Bradley's the only player in Eden Vale history

to score against Birch Creek.

-Two lousy points. -The Immaculate Safety.

Quarterback's in my sight, time's expiring on the clock.

Their O line didn't even touch me, man.

I was like a ghost! I just ran in and...

Yeah. I was kinda hoping you'd all...join in.

Sorry, Bradley.

Second big announcement -

Officer Szczepkowski has been on the job for three months

so it's time he takes his first solo call.

Ay! Szczepkowski!

Wow. Really?

Oh, no.

I don't think this pie is ready to come out of the oven yet.

This is a good first solo call.

The annoying San Francisco couple on Ridgemont

wants a patrol car to stop by.

They found something "concerning" in their yard.

Yeah, last week they had me come over

'cause there was a goat and it was lookin' at 'em funny.

The week before that a balloon was stuck in their tree.

You got this.

Yeah.

Yeah. I got this.

Thanks for coming with me on my first solo call.

My presence negates the solo part, but you're welcome.

Now, pretend I'm not here.

Establish control, assert your authority.

-Be firm. -Okay.

Here I go.

[laughs]

[loud knock]

Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather.

Hi. I'm Officer Szczepkowski, this is Officer Ray.

-She's not here. -Oh.

I'm Eben. This is my wife, Andi.

Wow. That sounded very antiquated and aggro.

"My wife"? Like you're a possession?

I forgive you.

[sighs]

We moved here to spend more meaningful time with the kids.

Where are they?

-What day is it? -Friday. Why did you call...

Finn is at soccer, Levi is at filmmaking

and Luci's firing pots.

-No, no, no. That's... -No, sorry, that's Thursday.

Sir, why did you call us to your domicile?

Did not have "human remains" on my Bingo card.

Do you think this will delay the completion of our swimming pool?

Of course, that's not what's important here.

Of course, that's not what I said.

Okay, please don't fight.

Louise, Henry?

Thanks for coming to see me.

You did the right thing, son.

-[sneezes] -Bless you.

Get the door, bud.

Notice he calls a total stranger 'son'

and his own son 'bud'?

It's a figure of speech. And he was talking to me.

That young man is a team mate of Jake Wilson's.

Mark's a running back

that Coach Grady converted to wide receiver.

Oh. I don't hate that.

Kid's got wheels for a guy his size.

-He runs a 4.6 40 -Damn.

-What's his yards per catch? -I can leave and come back.

Oh. Sorry.

You know how Lou and I get about football.

Kinda like you and Star Trek.

Remember when you were little

you had all the toys and the bed spread.

It was Star Blazers, the American adaptation

of the pioneering Japanese anime Space Battleship Yamato.

-Star Trek is for children. -Yeah, of course.

Right, sorry.

Anyway, I've got a new case for you guys.

Oh! The partial human remains.

Well, no. We're gonna stick a pin in that.

I got something better.

Now, apparently, somebody broke into Jake's host family's home,

took a photo of him while he was sleeping

and then taped it to his locker along with a threatening note.

How is that better?

Probably just a couple Birch Creek knuckleheads.

You know the drill. They prank us, we prank them.

Yeah, but I mean, all the same,

this game is important to the town

and Coach Grady is a close personal friend.

So I'm gonna throw everything we have at this thing.

[chuckles] Of course you are.

-Is something wrong? -No, no.

Re-allocating police resources from investigating human remains

because somebody played a joke on your buddy's football player,

that feels just right.

Okay, look, we're all on the same team.

It's called prioritising.

The coroner's best first guess

is those bones are over 100 years old.

So I am asking you to prioritise

an actual death threat against a currently living person.

With this leadership

the Argo would've been destroyed by Desslok and Prince Zordar.

If you'd watched Star Blazers

you'd know that was a perfect burn.

[Henry] I can't believe he has us doing this B.S. assignment

for his good ol' boys.

We are detectives, not school crossing guards.

That's not fair. We're here to be detectives.

Oh. It's okay. You can cross.

Glass half full,

we get to revisit our old stomping grounds.

Of course you're happy to be here.

-You loved high school. -And high school loved me.

Class president, editor of the yearbook.

Varsity point guard.

Occasional girlfriend of Bobby "The Doogs" Dougan.

What did you ever see in him?

The Doogs had an admirable quality of thinking I'm awesome

and I just couldn't resist his teenage dirtbag vibe.

Mechanic coveralls, work boots...

Exactly. Why'd you even mention him?

'Cause he's right there.

Gah! The Doogs!

Duck down!

Sorry. Frankenstein. Tall.

I knew I'd regret that.

-Hey, Henry! -The Doogs. Sweet ride!

Thanks, man. Made some mods.

Hey, sexy.

Ew! No.

You guys want to get high in the groundskeeper's shed?

-You know we're cops, right? -You don't kiss like a cop.

Okay, we're done.

[grunts]

Mmm.

Would you stop?

He's quite the feather in your cap.

Okay, it was high school.

He said you don't kiss like a cop.

That's present tense. Which means...

-Louise Hickman! -Mrs. Branch?!

Oh, my best student.

It is so great to see you.

Did you know I still use your essay on Thoreau

in my AP English class?

[Lou laughs]

Henry.

Mrs. Branch.

It's so great to see that you're still at EVHS

shaping young minds.

Yes, into unquestioning blobs

incapable of dissent or original thought.

I see you're still upset about getting a C- in my class.

You wrote rules on an essay on civil disobedience.

That makes literally no sense!

Okay, well. [chuckles]

-It is great to see you. -You too.

There is something fundamentally wrong with that woman.

You're such an absolutist.

Just because you didn't like her doesn't make her a bad person.

Did I ever tell you that in high school I spread a rumour

that Becky Simpson hooked up with her cousin?

Does that make me a bad person?

-Yes. -[scoffs]

She used to torture me!

In seventh grade

she made everyone on the bus call me 'Poo' Hickman.

In her defence that's pretty funny.

Don't judge me.

It's not like you got a perfect record

with people from your past.

[bell rings]

So, were there any signs of forced entry into your home?

We're trying to figure out how

someone took a photo of you while you were sleeping.

My host family are the Mintons.

They're real sweet people

but they don't lock their doors at night.

Probably just some kids fooling around.

Can you think of anyone that would want to hurt you?

Besides every D-line in the state?

[laughs]

[laughs] Caught your game against Millbrook.

Saw you toss that linebacker like a rag doll.

-Broke that guy's collarbone. -[sneezes]

Bless you.

Honestly, the only thing I'm worried about are my allergies.

Y'all got different trees than I got in Texas.

We appreciate you coming out.

And I'm sure the note is nothing more than

the handy work of some overzealous Birch Creek fans.

Yeah, because they know we're gonna kick their ass tonight!

[crowd] Yeah!

Well, still, out of an abundance of caution,

Big Hank is increasing police presence at tonight's game.

Appreciate it.

And thank your dad for his concern.

It's good to have friends in high places.

That's our motto - to protect and serve...

Big Hank's friends.

How the hell the police get involved?

I didn't call them, Coach.

You need to keep a low profile in town.

No drinking, no partying, not even a parking ticket.

We don't need any more police attention.

-Hey, Coach Grady! -Bradley!

-Sorry to interrupt. -Get in here!

Ahhhh! [laugh]

Jake, you need to meet Joe Bradley.

The Immaculate Safety. I've heard of you.

Hey, a former Eagles legend

protecting a current Eagles legend.

What's that, Bradley?

Big Hank assigned me to be Jake's security detail.

Promise not to let him out of my sight.

I'm gonna be, like, your bodyguard from...

...from The Bodyguard.

[both chuckle]

Ahhh! [laughs]

Okay. These are all of the bones I recovered from the site.

Sheriff's department is checking the rest of the yard

with their ground-penetrating radar machine.

They have the best stuff.

We don't even have a functioning microwave.

The only button that works is 'potato'.

Yeah, the trick is to heat stuff up in increments of 'potato'.

Like, popcorn is two and a half potatoes.

Ooh, I'm gonna try that.

Also, there are some clothing fibres

and a plastic packet of Valentine's Day hearts

at the same depth.

Could be a clue to when the victim died.

Pretty eventful first solo call.

Mm-hm.

Um, I didn't go by myself today. I asked Ray to come.

-I know. -She told you?

No, you accidentally turned your walkie on

when you fell in the pit and started screaming.

[stammers] Just a lot of earthworms down there.

Just caught me by surprise, is all.

You sure it didn't have anything to do with you

second guessing your decision to become a cop?

Walkie picked that up, too, huh?

Uh... I just don't know if I have what it takes.

I kinda feel like a fraud.

Yeah. I get it. Being a cop is tough.

When I'd been on the job for three months

I felt like I was wearing

a Halloween costume to work every day.

Totally.

But I hand-picked you because I know you can do it.

-Thanks, Lou. -You're welcome.

And next time I send you on a solo assignment, go solo.

Nadi! Hi.

Oh, do we have lunch plans today?

I made piroshki.

Ooh! Those are like gold around here.

I caught Lily trying to steal these

out of my lunch in the office fridge.

You are coming to my recital to honour my hero, yes?

-Wouldn't miss it. -Is tonight.

-Gotta miss it. -Hank. You made promise.

I know and I meant it. But any other night.

Tonight is Birch Creek.

I know you want those kids to have their moment.

Just move the recital to a different day.

I cannot move Anna Morazova's birthday.

Maybe they move game.

This is the big game.

Oh! Oh.

Is Championship?

Well, no, but it is a big game.

If they win, they will get to play in Championship?

Well, they're... I mean, it's early in the season.

There's lots of factors, like strength of schedule

and it gets kinda political sometimes...

Does not sound like big game.

Nadi, Eden Vale is a football town.

I will make it a dance town.

[dials number, phone rings]

I left him another note.

And just to make sure he really gets the message,

I'm gonna go buzz the tower.

"Leave town. This is your last warning."

-No! -[crash!]

You saved me.

That's no big deal, Jake.

Safety is kind of what I'm known for around this place.

You know, because of the...

-No, yeah, I got it. -You got it.

[police chatter]

Well, well, well.

Still think it's a bunch of high-school kids playing games?

What do we got?

Jake was unhurt, thanks to Bradley's quick thinking.

That's a sentence I didn't think I'd say

when I woke up this morning.

Uh huh. What'd we find out about the driver?

-Deceased. White male. 30s. -[man] Lou!

I'll be right back.

-Hey. -Hey.

What are you doing here?

We don't really need County Sheriff's support on this one.

Oh, no, yeah.

I just, uh... heard it on the radio

and thought I'd make sure you were good.

Oh. Well, that's nice.

Uh... Um... [clears throat]

You went to Birch Creek, right? You going to the game tonight?

Nah, my... ex-wife's gonna be there.

So there's gonna be enough tackling on the field.

Arggh. [laughs]

Yeah. Um...

The deceased is Dustin Crovetti.

Did a stint in the state pen.

Last known residence was Birch Creek.

Guess he wanted Eden Vale to lose tonight.

Running over your star quarterback

is one way to do it.

-Did you guys go in? -No. Uh...

It's your crime scene.

Well, damn right.

County's just here to direct traffic and look pretty.

Not that you look pretty. And not that you don't.

-Hmm? -I'm neutral to your appearance.

[sighs]

Fellas! Let's open up the vehicle!

Hey, um...

Great to run into you.

Would be nice to see more of you.

-Detective? -Oh.

Chief. [chuckles]

[sighs]

What did you find out?

About the driver?

Got a positive I.D.

I'll go back to the office pull his jacket,

check any last knowns.

Great. Meantime, Junior and I will search the vehicle.

Again, don't call me Junior.

-Dad didn't mean that. -No, no. He's right.

Sorry, Henry.

Okay... I'll circle back.

Play nice.

Gloves?

I prefer nitrile to latex.

Superior protection

from corrosive chemicals and punctures.

Eh, nitrile can't hold a candle to latex

when it comes to range of motion.

May the best glove win.

Uh.

Uh. If you rub that you get three wishes.

It's a Neti pot. Ragweed season.

Something wedged under here.

We're gonna have to remove the seat.

No, no, no, no. Let me give it a shot.

Here.

You won't be able to get it out.

Here... [grunts]

There we go!

Ah, see? Range of motion.

Could be a burner phone.

Yep.

Hmm.

Still works.

And according to these last few texts

this was a job for hire.

And whoever did the hiring is over 40.

-How do you figure? -They're horrible at texting.

Unless he meant to send a hitman

three eggplants and a peach.

They went to a bar called The Old Place. You ever been?

Yeah, long time ago.

Place is dead. Middle of nowhere.

Me and Lou will check it out.

Let's give it up for Officer Bradley.

Thank you, folks. But I was just doing my job.

Like Coach Grady always says,

you play for the name on the front of your uniform

not the name on the back.

Although, that might be a little bit confusing

'cause my name is on the front of this uniform.

-[laughter] -Point is, it was a team effort.

Isn't that right, Jake?

Oh, boy.

So how did it go with Dad back there?

Are you guys getting along a little better?

We get along as well as we need to.

We'll never see eye-to-eye on everything but it's fine.

-It's not fine. -EVP...

EVPD.

Have you seen... this man?

Uh-huh. He was here earlier.

-Are you sure? -Oh, yeah.

He was with this other guy who ordered a Cobb salad.

I mean, who orders a Cobb salad at a bar?

You don't want to know how old those eggs are.

Does that security camera work?

Yeah.

[Lou] Wait, freeze it right there.

That's Carl Branch. Mrs. Branch's husband!

[Henry] I'm shocked.

That someone would marry that terrible woman.

Alright.

Thank you. Let's split up.

You go to his house

and I'll go to his workplace at the Apple Store.

-This town has an Apple store? -They opened last month.

-Welcome to the Apple store. -Hi.

Is Carl Branch here, by any chance?

Sorry, he's not here.

Oh. Can I ask you a few questions, then?

Make it quick.

I only have three.

Are either of you football fans?

Did your husband bet on tonight's game?

And lastly, did you give me a C- in English

because you secretly knew I was smarter than you?

[sniggers]

I'm going to answer in a way you were never able to in my class.

Concisely. No.

Oh!

Mr. Branch. Lou Hickman, EVPD.

-If you just have a... -Louise Hickman?

We went to high school together. Becky. Becky Simpson.

Becky Simpson. Becky!

Wow! I haven't seen you in... forever.

Yeah, well, I left town

after someone spread a nasty rumour about me.

My whole life fell apart.

I didn't... No. Didn't hear any rumour.

Of course not. You were one of the good ones.

Where are my manners?

These are my babies, Coco and Mrs. Boots.

-[cat growls] -Oh, my God. Oh!

I rescued them. But, really, they rescued me.

Excuse me!

[scowls]

Poo Hickman.

I have grading to do.

So unless you have more questions, it is time to go.

Just one more thing.

Is there anything about your relationship with Jake

outside the classroom that you're not telling me?

Are you suggesting

that I'm having an inappropriate relationship with a student?

Well, it's just that earlier I asked

if either you or Mr. Branch were football fans.

And you 'concisely' answered no.

However, you have all of the football games circled

on your calendar hanging on the wall right there.

-[thud!] -[man grunts]

Why, isn't that Jake Wilson?

I have no idea where he came from.

You mean you have no idea from where he came.

You're a predator, Mrs. Branch.

And a lousy English teacher.

Ahh!

Hey!

Stop! Police!

You're under arrest.

How'd you beat me here?

Short cut.

Turn around.

Also I ran varsity track. Go, Eagles.

Go, Eagles. [sighs]

Let's go, Eagles!

[crowd cheers]

Eagles! Eagles!

[whistle blows]

Let's go!

Where's Nadi?

I don't know.

We had a little bit of a disagreement.

I didn't go to her dance recital.

Well, I'm sure she'll let it go.

-You think so? -No.

I was being sarcastic.

I don't have a full range of facial expressions

because of the Botox.

[whistle blows]

[announcer] That's the end of the first half

and we are scoreless.

Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats

for a special halftime performance.

[acoustic guitar plays]

What's Nadia doing on the field?

I have no idea.

In honour of great Russian dancer,

Anna Morazova!

["New Song" by Maggie Rogers and Del Water Gap plays]

Did she say in honour of Russia?

♪ When nights are ablazin' And heavy ♪

♪ Alone in my room and I'm ready ♪

♪ To rest for a while ♪

♪ Oh, rest for a while

♪ I don't mind it ♪

♪ I don't mind it ♪

♪ And I don't mind it ♪

♪ I'll wait and I'll listen ♪

♪ I don't mind it ♪

♪ And see you through to the kitchen ♪

♪ I don't mind it ♪

♪ I'm not taking it back ♪

♪ I don't mind it ♪

♪ I don't mind it. ♪

-[music ends] -[applause]

[laughs]

[cheering and applause]

Whoo, whoo!

[speaks Russian]

What did you say?

Arms higher. Bigger smile.

Alright!

Hey, Lou, you got a minute?

Yeah, I'm letting my suspect sweat a little

before I question her.

Hey, I'm reheating coffee.

Do you think two potatoes is enough?

-I'd go three. -Mmm. Alright.

-[microwave whirs] -What's up?

Um...

When I was cataloging the bones into evidence

I noticed the breaks in the bones

were at a 45-degree angle.

And under magnification

I discovered these, like, serrated marks.

I think the body was dismembered.

Mmm. To what end?

Um... Maybe to make it harder to identify the body?

I don't know. Just a theory.

Pretty sure an imposter wouldn't have thought of that.

-[microwave beeps] -Good work, Officer.

Hot potato! Hot potato!

I'm just looking at your bank records.

You recently withdrew $5,000.

So?

That's a lot of money for a small town.

You could buy a bass boat or build a gazebo.

Or hire someone to kill Jake Wilson.

I don't know who that is.

Oh, well, let me give you a hint.

Your wife is having an affair with him.

[sighs]

Ever been to a dive bar called The Old Place?

No.

This is a screen shot

from the bar security video of you with Dustin Crovetti.

A career criminal with quite the rap sheet.

Pretty sure he wasn't there to sell you a boat,

build you a gazebo,

so... that leaves the third thing.

Mrs. Branch,

folks in this community trust you with their children.

I can't believe you would take advantage of a minor.

-It wasn't like that with us. -Why?

Because he's a boy? You think that makes it better?

He's not a boy, he's a man!

Not in the eyes of the law.

Okay, look.

I just wanted to scare Jake out of town.

Okay? I didn't want him dead.

I wanted him to leave Eden Vale

before word got out about the affair

and it ruined my wife's reputation.

I'm going to type that up and you're going to sign it.

[sneezes]

Ragweed season.

[sneezes]

[sneezes]

And I am personally going to make sure

you get the maximum punishment,

because I don't like when people take advantage of kids.

He's not a kid.

He's a 25 year-old pretending to be a teenager.

-Jake's twenty-five! -Jake's a grown man!

I figured it out first.

Seems like it was a tie. How'd you get to it?

When we interviewed him he sneezed into his hand,

which means he's been out of school

for at least six years.

In 2017 there was a push by the CDC

to have all school-aged children sneeze

into the crook of their elbows to stop the spread of germs.

This is a kid. This is an adult. Jake's an adult!

[sighs]

Huh. Pretty good!

-How'd you figure it out? -Sneeze thing, too.

-Time out. -[whistle blows]

[announcer] 30 seconds left in the game.

I got this, Coach. Let me go hail Mary.

Calm down.

[announcer] Eden Vale calls a time-out.

I got your text. What is it?

We said to meet at the parking lot.

Son, it's the fourth quarter. I came down from the stands.

It's as close as I get to the parking lot.

We arrested Mr. Branch on attempted murder

and arrested Mrs. Branch on corrupting a minor.

But we had to cut her loose

because the minor turned out not to be a minor.

What?

Jake Wilson is a 25-year-old posing as a teen

so he can play high-school football.

That's crazy! We've gotta get him off the field!

Eden Vale is out of the huddle.

Let's see if Jake Wilson

can create a little last-second magic.

After we win.

Alright, boys, come on!

[whistles]

[howls like a wolf]

39, I'll make your mumma mine.

Alright, blue 42, blue 42!

Set!

[sneezes]

No!

Catch...

[crowd groans]

-Tackle him! -Stop him!

Jake! Tackle him!

-[grunts] -[crowd jeers]

Oh, my God!

[groans]

Mumma? Is that you?

So, I will see you at my studio next week

for first lesson.

Fans, huh?

New students.

I sign up five already.

[chuckles]

I told you Eden Vale was dance town.

We're definitely not a football town.

I'm so proud of you, babe.

Let's promise never to fight again.

That was not fight. You don't want to see fight.

No, ma'am, I do not.

Still, though, I need to apologise to you.

I had no idea how homesick you were until I saw that dance.

You understood the story of the dance.

Yeah, of course. Isn't that obvious?

It was all Coach Grady's idea.

My host family doesn't know anything about Coach's plan.

They're good people.

Coach Grady found me after watching a video of mine

when I was playing my Junior College days in Plano.

He forged all of the documents and enrolled me in high school.

-I knew it was wrong. -Then why did you do it?

I don't know.

I guess I wanted a chance to come back and re-do high school.

I made a mess of my first go round.

Don't you ever just wanna go back?

-Yes. -No.

Can't believe Coach Grady did this.

-He's one of my closest friends. -Guess we know what that means.

No, Henry, what does that mean?

-Hmm? -Your record's still intact.

The only Eden Vale player to ever score against Birch Creek.

You're an insult to the uniform.

We should be the ones talking to Coach Grady, not him.

And I told you,

there was something fundamentally wrong

with Mrs. Branch as a person.

Okay, you had a premonition that in the distant future

she would have an affair with a student

who turned out to be a grown man?

I didn't know the exact way

her lack of moral character would reveal itself, but yes.

[laughs] You are so annoying.

Because I'm judgmental of a woman

who was willing to sleep with a minor?

Because you are judgmental about everyone!

Is this about Dad?

Okay, you are so quick to write him off all of the time.

You know, people are complicated. And so is he.

Don't you ever just owe him the benefit of the doubt?

-Who made you his keeper? -You did, dummy. When you left.

I had to pick up the pieces.

Well, I didn't ask you to do that.

Okay, I guess in your universe that totally absolves you.

Do you really believe he's gonna do the right thing in there?

Yes. And if I'm right, I get to punch you as hard as I can.

-What if I'm right? -Then you don't get punched.

[Coach Grady] Look...

...I know I screwed up by bringing Jake here.

Birch Creek have owned us for so long,

I just wanted to know what it felt like to win one.

I can't look the other way, Grady.

You put a grown man on the field with kids.

Somebody could have gotten hurt.

I'm asking for your help. As a friend.

I'll lose my job, Hank.

I'm sorry.

So now you're all high and mighty?

Everyone knows you have turned a blind eye to worse.

Yeah, I know they do.

Not a great thing to be known for.

I'm charging you

with falsification of documents and child endangerment.

-[thud!] -Oww! Come on!

-Heyyyy. -How'd it go?

I can't believe Big Hank arrested Coach Grady.

I told you, not everything is black and white.

People are complicated.

Like how you ruined Becky Simpson's life.

We don't know that.

I haven't seen her in years. She's probably doing great.

[knocks at door]

Department finished at the scene

of the San Francisco family's house.

Found a few more bones. Thought I'd drop 'em off.

Oh! Hand delivery. That's fancy.

Why didn't you just have one of the deputies drop it off?

Um. I could've. But I was headed here anyway.

Going to the Pioneer to get a bite.

The Pioneer, that's on the other side of town.

That's completely out of your way.

Henry, why don't you take the rest of the night off

and I'll catalog these with Detective Carson.

Sure. Yeah. See you at home.

Still doesn't make sense

how you thought the station was on your way.

Unless the Red Hook bridge was closed

and GPS re-routed you this way?

-Yes. -Yeah.

Have a great night.

These ones definitely...

I mean, it's clearly not enough here for a whole skeleton.

I'm thinking maybe leg and foot.

That seems right.

You look for metatarsals, I'll work on the tibia.

-I think these are yours. -Thanks.

I find with puzzles it's best to start with the corners.

[laughs]

-Ooh, phalanges. -Ooh!

I was looking for those. Thank you.

So, what would you usually be doing on a Friday night

if you weren't sifting through old bones

in a dark musty room?

Honestly?

Probably writing.

You're a writer?

Wow! Really?

I didn't know that.

What kind of stuff?

-You promise not to laugh? -Yeah, I promise.

I'm working on a novel

about an expedition of wizards tracking a dragon

that holds the key to the survival of a kingdom of elves.

[laughs]

Sorry, sorry.

I'm not laughing at you, or your book.

I just, um...

I was surprised to hear that, is all.

Why?

Because. I mean, you're, like, so... [grunts]

-...and it's so... -Nerdy?

Uh, no. It's just unexpected.

Can I read your novel when you're done?

[laughs]

-Maybe. -Maybe?

You don't have the best track record.

You promised not to laugh and then immediately laughed.

That is fair.

But, you know...

Now that I've had time to digest

the fact that Shane Carson

of Warren County Sheriff's department

is a fantasy writer...

I think it's pretty cool.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Officer Szczepkowski thinks that maybe

it was someone trying to cover up a murder from 100 years ago

and I think he's right.

Which means there could be

other body parts scattered around out there.

Interesting.

Yeah.

I mean, you'd probably think it was cooler

if it was, like, an elf or something, but still.

[laughs]

I think we're done for tonight.

We don't have to be. Wanna grab a drink?

-[Hank] Amazing! -I know!

♪ And Darling

♪ Is there a cure for this hunger? ♪

♪ A terrible curse to be under ♪

♪ I'll be sleeping with that ♪

♪ And it's no small thing ♪

♪ You'll smoke me out in your own ways ♪

♪ And chase me around until mornin' ♪

♪ And follow me back. ♪

♪ Ooh, honey, I don't mind. ♪

I guess I should call you Detective.

I guess I should call you Doctor.

[baby cries]

Hold that thought.

This is my son, Jean-Marc.

Oh.

Bonjour.

His name's French, he doesn't speak French.

He's a baby.

Right. Of course.

Bien sur.

A baby.

You have a baby.