Original subtitles

Rattling

Whirring

Meowing

Spray hisses

The black cat?

Otherwise known as gangsta granny?

But how...

..When she's...Dead?

Bell tolls

I miss you so much, gran.

I brought you your favourite cabbages.

She certainly loved those.

Oh, hello, esha.

I remember your gran's famous cabbage soup only too well.

Made her blow off something chronic.

She used to quack like a duck!

I miss her so much.

Oh, don't. You'll set me off as well.

Meowing

hello!

What's your name?

I come here once a week to see my husband.

He passed away ten years ago.

It gets lonely.

I wish I'd been more like your gran.

She always had a twinkle in her eye,

as if she was up to some mischief.

Why don't I come over tomorrow?

Do you like Murray mints?

Yes, of course! Oh!

Would you take a look at my cistern, too?

- Of course. It would be a pleasure. - Ok!

Now, from your house, you'll need to get the number 73 bus.

Oh, no, granny left me wheels in her will.

- Mm! - And I made a few modifications.

# that might just happen,

# so listen deep stick with your madame

# or she might just leave

# yeah, yeah let's get down with the trumpets

# yeah, yeah let's get down with the trumpets

# yeah, yeah let's get down with the trumpets

# yeah, yeah let's get down with the trumpets

# let's get down with the down with the... #

quiet whirring

taking after your grandmother, eh?

Enjoy your joyride, Benjamin Herbert...

..While you can.

# let's get down with the trumpets

# what? Let's get down with the down with the. #

alarm chirps

bell jangles

aha! Ben!

My favourite customer.

A bag of your finest Murray mints, please, raj.

Excellent choice, sir.

It has been a good harvest this year.

I saved you the latest plumbers weekly.

Wow! Free stopcock! Cool!

And a pull-out poster of Wembley stadium's new sprinkler system?!

Oh, mega!

- What's that? - The mask of tutankhamun has been stolen.

Tut, and again, tut. King tut.

Wow! Can I see?

Sadly, there is no browsing.

The thief snatched it in the dead of night, leaving just one clue.

- What? - "Miaow", spelled out in scrabble letters.

You don't think this could have been the work of the black cat?

- No, it can't have been. - Can't it, now?

- Oh, no. - Aha! Mr Parker!

In my bottom-five favourite customers.

This theft has all the hallmarks of your old partner in crime,

the silver-haired menace, known as your grandmother.

But granny's gone.

And where were you last night, Benjamin Herbert?

- In bed. - Doing what, exactly?

Sleeping.

Any witnesses?

Yes, actually, I always sleep in front of an audience.

Always sleep in front...

Sniggering

quite the comedian, aren't we, Benjamin Herbert?

Well, I...

I'm watching you.

Very closely.

Clattering

move this before somebody has an accident.

I could have had an eye out.

Door closes

what the...?

Tango music plays

Was that postbox always there?

What postbox?

Oh, hello, dear!

Sorry, I didn't see you come in.

I was in another world!

The magical world of ballroom.

Oh, me and your mother have some rather exciting news.

- We've been... - ..Been accepted

for the international ballroom championships!

You two?!

- Yeah, don't sound so surprised. - You're representing England?

The outer hebrides.

Your mother did lie a tiny bit on the application form.

And we're going to be dancing in front of someone super-special.

Her majesty the queen.

Big ballroom fan, apparently!

Oh, and even more exciting.

Guess who is hosting?

Dunno.

Ben,

your mother would like you to guess.

Ant and dec?

Flavio!

Ooh, you wonderful man.

If you slobber over him, he'll get soggy.

I did warn you.

I'm going to go read my plumbers weekly.

No, not yet.

We haven't told you the best part.

Drum roll.

Brr-brrr-brrr!

Ding!

It's this Saturday night, and we have bought you

a front-row ticket.

Early Christmas present!

I told the vicar I'd fix the church boiler that day.

- Oh. - Oh.

Teenage boys should not be interested in boilers.

They should be interested in ballroom dances.

The quickstep, the foxtrot, the cha-cha-cha-cha.

- One too many chas. - Oh, yeah.

Plumbing only leads in one direction.

And that's down the drain.

- Oh! - See what I did there?!

Very droll, my one true love. Funny, isn't she?!

Come on. Music, maestro.

We need to practise our winners' routine!

And...

Present...

Yes!

Things are not good, gran.

It's getting so bad now that I'm talking to a picture.

You see, there's a new black cat, and I'm getting the blame.

I really need your help.

You would know what to do about that rotten, old, nosey Parker.

And there she is. Evil incarnate.

And the reason for this emergency meeting

of the neighbourhood watch, lower toddle branch -

the international Jewel thief known as...

- Biscuits? - What do you mean, biscuits?

Are there any?

Don't interrupt!

..The international Jewel thief known as

the black cat.

Lock her up and throw away the key!

She's passed, dear.

Oh, when, dear?

A while ago, dear.

May she rest in peace.

There are usually biscuits.

I will break out the biscuits in good time.

If she's passed, what are we talking about her for?

Because this gangsta granny had a protege, the most dangerous

criminal mastermind the world has ever known.

This moon-faced boy

is the new black cat.

Gasping

no! Ben is a good boy.

- He fixed my washing machine for free. - While casing the joint

to Rob you blind, no doubt.

Oh! Did he steal my biscuits?

No!

Here are your blasted biscuits.

And before you ask, I'm saving the chocolate ones!

- Cruel. - Now, for the rest of you, cancel your cruises,

put down your puzzlers, banish the bingo.

We cannot rest until we have caught him in the act,

for who knows where or when the black cat will strike again?

- Mm! - Mm. - That's true.

A tragedy.

- What? - Well, they've stolen the world cup.

What a fuss over nothing.

The world cup - it's hardly the strictly glitterball.

The only clue the thief left behind

was the word "purr" in scrabble letters.

- The black cat. - But it can't have been.

How do you know?

I don't.

I, er, I said I'd go and visit esha today.

Granny's pal?

Uh, have you ever considered getting a friend your own age?

No.

He likes older women, like his dad.

Ok.

Brussels sprout cake.

- There you go. - Just a sliver, a wafer-thin slice.

You were telling me about the thefts.

At both crime scenes,

the thief left scrabble letters with words connected to cats.

Oh, I almost forgot the parsnip custard.

You're really spoiling me.

I bought a bunch of books when the library closed down.

There must be one somewhere on the mask of tutankhamun

- and the world cup. - Hmm!

They're arranged by topic, colour and spine damage.

Try next to the red medium-damaged cookbooks.

Oh. I found one! Football trophies.

That's great! Oh, and here's one on ancient Egypt.

Why don't you borrow them to look for clues?

Metallic scraping

now it's getting really weird. Did that postbox used to be there?

Not unless my mind's playing tricks on me.

Neighbourhood watch, assemble.

Don't let him get away!

Come on, Millicent, you can do it!

Get a shift on, Virginia.

For the love of goodness, give yourself up, child!

Or we'll force-feed you stewed rhubarb until you confess.

Oh, I could murder a rhubarb crumble!

You can't run from the law forever!

It wasn't me, mr Parker. I swear, I'm innocent.

Oh, your grandmother taught you well, Benjamin.

Or shall I call you the black cat?

I'm not the black cat!

You've even got her old getaway car!

Keep up! Keep up!

Tyres squeak, crossing beeps

come on, come on.

Hmm...

Low-speed pursuit in progress.

Siren blares

Arrest that boy! Lock him up and throw away the prison!

It's been a lovely outing! Will there be sandwiches?

No! I told you, if you wanted to eat, you had to make

- your own packed lunch. - Oh.

What a hullabaloo!

We can barely hear ourselves tango.

- Just what is going on here, then? - This boy is an arch-criminal.

- Ben, I can't believe it! - Don't! It's not true!

He's stolen the mask of tutankhamun and the world cup.

We caught him red-handed.

Look, officer, books that link him to the crime.

- Come on, come on. - I took them because I wanted to do

some detective work, find out who really did it.

How very convenient!

This boy is britain's most-wanted.

- The black cat. - One and the same!

I'm not the black cat!

Ben, just tell these nice people where you've hidden the mask

of tutankhamun and that...Football thingummy.

- World cup. - That. - I can't, because I don't have them.

Right, that's it, you're grounded.

Perhaps a spell in the cells will jog your memory.

- You can't arrest him! - I certainly can. - No, but it's dealt with -

- he's grounded. - I'm afraid grounded has no legal status, madam.

Well, it should.

How about we put him on the naughty step?

Again, not an official punishment.

The very naughty step?

Benjamin Herbert, I'm placing you under arrest for theft.

Come on. Anything you say can be blah-de-blah,

so and so, and so and so, etc...

You know the rest. Come on.

Mum! Dad!

Leave it!

No, you can't do this!

Uncuff him right now,

or I'll write a very stern letter to someone or other.

Neighbourhood watchers, I give you the night off.

You can all binge-watch pointless.

Nothing is going to be stolen tonight.

- You have framed an innocent boy! - Out of my way, you buffoon.

Never! You'll have to run me down.

- Oh! - As you wish.

Oh! Agh, me foot!

- Ooh! - It really, really hurts!

Well, in fairness, Mike, you did ask him to run you over.

In.

Hello.

Um...

What are you in for?

I hit a child.

Only joking!

He chuckles, Ben laughs nervously

I hit an old lady.

Oh, no, they can't have.

Alarm rings

help! Help!

Toilet flushes

right.

There you go, buster. That should flush much better now.

Cheers, Ben.

You're a life-saver.

So... black cat.

How did you steal the queen's wax figure when you were locked in here?

- I didn't - that's how! - I couldn't sleep.

Ben was up all night telling me a bedtime story

about a little puppy who got stuck in a u-bend

and it couldn't get out.

It was turning, it couldn't get out, could it?!

It went on for ages, and it kept trying and trying.

It was terrible. Tell him about it!

Go on, tell him about it!

Sobbing

- is it better yet? - No, it's not better yet!

The doctor said I'd broken every bone in me foot.

But, darlin', it's the internationals tonight,

and there's nobody to take your place.

Then, we'll just have to pull out.

Pull out? Pull out?!

But what about my flavio?

He will be devastated if I'm not there.

I'm sure he'll get over the disappointment.

Oh.

Stay there.

I couldn't move if I wanted to.

Door closes

She grunts

release my son this instant!

Mrs Herbert?

Ben has been accused of some very serious crimes.

And what evidence do you have?

Well, that depends on your definition of evidence.

But mr Parker said he did it.

I am taking part in an international dance competition this evening,

and I'm one short of a pairing.

Now, you let my Ben out right now, or you can rumba with me tonight

on stage at the palladium.

Ha!

Ballroom music

Which is it to be?

I'll get the keys.

Hmm!

But...one more whiff of trouble from your lad,

I'll have him straight back in the slammer.

I sprung you out of jail, Ben,

it's the very least you could do.

I am not dancing with my own mum!

I'm 14! It's super-weird.

- Why can't dad do it? - Cos mr Parker ran over me dancing foot!

Ben, you have to do this.

Please, I am begging you.

Even if I wanted to, I couldn't.

- Why not? - I'm grounded.

Well, he's got a point. We can't make exceptions.

After careful consideration, your father and I have decided

that the grounding period is now over.

- Have we? - Yes. We've got a lot of work to do on our routine.

Ok, sure, but right now, I've got to go.

No, no, no. We're competing tonight. We have to rehearse.

Yeah, but I'm your son, so I have natural talent for dance,

just like you.

That is a good point.

- No, no, wait. Hey! - Where are you off to?

What's more important than dancing with your own mother?

It's every young boy's dream.

I'm going to look for clues to clear my name.

But...

Door closes

Stop right there.

What have you got in your hand?

- Nothing. - Didn't look like nothing.

Open it.

The other one.

Both together.

What do we have here?

And if you look in your shoe, you'll find...

..Nothing!

Oi! You little...!

Another bowl of broccoli trifle?

Oh, no, no, no, no. But the first three bowls were perfection.

Now, whoever this black cat is,

I think they're playing a game.

Why are they leaving clues?

It's like they want to get caught.

- That's odd. - What's odd? - Just a mo.

Look at my scrabble tiles.

- Bog-standard plastic. - Mm?

Now look at the ones you found.

What's the difference?

- They're slightly different colours. - And not plastic.

They're made of bone China.

Ha! I didn't even know they made bone China scrabble pieces.

Nor did I. But I think this gives you your first major clue, Ben.

Who would own a bone China scrabble set?

There you are! We have been frantic.

- Why? - The internationals kick off in an hour!

- But I... - No buts, Ben! We need to leave right now.

Like a second ago. Two seconds, three seconds.

But I have a clue! I need to find the real black cat.

Priorities, Ben! Come on!

- Oh, I just need to get me crutches. - There isn't time!

Hurry up!

Blast!

Jazz band plays

Mwah! Looking good, my love!

Oh! Mwah!

Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

Oh, she is the greatest dancer!

Wait, whoa, oh, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa.

OMG, flavio!

It's me, Linda!

We've met before?

I don't suppose you remember me?

Don't remember?!

You are the monster who gave me mouth-to-mouth.

Well, if you're referring to me acting quickly to save your life,

then, yes, that was I.

Do you like my nails, flavio?

I had them done especially for you.

"I love flavi."

If only I had another finger, I could have included the o.

What do you think?

I think you need to stay as far away from flavio as possible.

Don't talk, don't even look at flavio.

Any funny business Toni-i-ight,

and flavio will have you barred from ballroom dancing forever!

Oh!

Well, how about that?!

Flavio remembered me!

You never said we'd have to dress like this.

I wanted to keep the Titanic theme as a nice surprise.

And you make a very dashing iceberg.

Applause and cheering

that's just sympathy clapping.

Proud father and husband coming through.

- Thank you. Excuse me. - Oh! - Sorry. Sorry.

What wonderful contestants!

Ladies and gentlemans, your royal majestical majesty highness,

I'm hoping you enjoyed that very muchness.

Our next contestants... Representing the outer hebrides...

- It's us! - ..They are a mother-and-a-son partnership.

Bravo! Standing ovation. Encore!

Sit down, you fool!

They haven't dance yet!

Please, as small a-smattering of applause for two dancers

that as much as we may try, we ain't never going to forget.

- The 'erberts! - Applause and cheering

Go stand over there. Over there.

My heart will go on by Celine Dion

# my heart will go on... #

dance beat begins, laughter

My wife and son! Yes.

# every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you

# that is how I know you go on

# far across the distance

# and spaces between us

# you have come to show you go on

# near, far

# wherever you are

# I believe that the heart does go on... #

audience gasps

# once more, you open the door

# and you're here in my heart... #

I think there's still quite a bit of the song to go.

Get me up.

Get me up!

We raised the Titanic!

Scattered applause

- now swing me. - What?

Swing me round!

# love can touch us one time

# and last for a lifetime

# and never let go... #

music slows and distorts

Oh!

Agh!

Oh, no.

- Agh! My bum! - It really 'urt my bum!

I mean, flavio's buttocki, it is a-broken!

Agh!

You! You hurt flavio!

You're a monster!

Booing

go on, get off the stage!

Get off!

I've never met these people before in my life.

- It was him! - What?!

Arrest him! For grievous buttock harm!

Jeering and booing

no! I can't go back to prison!

You again! Huh?

Meowing, crowd approaches

Cat wails, hisses

- what's that?! - A cat?!

Or a ghost.

Snarling

a cat ghost.

Ma'am, pardon me, but we met one night at the tower of London.

I was with my gran, and we were trying to steal your crown jewels.

You kindly pardoned us.

And I really need your help again now.

Your majesty?

Your...queeniness?

You're a wax figure?

Where is he?!

Banging at door

Stop!

Who are you?

Please!

I need to talk to you.

Whirring

who are you?

Hey!

Hey! Hey, hey!

Follow that hang glider!

What is this - James Bond?!

Please, before they get away!

Right you are, guv.

That'll be £12.70, please, young man.

I'm so sorry, we don't carry money in the secret service.

Oi! Come back here! Oi!

Long night, innit?

What did you have for dinner?

Beef. Obviously. You?

Beef.

Strikes match

No!

Who is that?

Your majesty?

It was you?

And who, may I ask, are you?

It's me, Ben. I met you right here one night, with my gran.

Oh, yes, I remember!

You tried to steal the crown jewels.

Are you back for another attempt?

No, I followed you here.

- I found your wax figure. - Drat!

That was the perfect alibi.

The world would think I was at the palladium all night.

They think it was me that stole everything.

No! One will have to consider carefully what to do.

- Ma'am? - No, shush, no, I'm thinking.

No, it's just...

You're holding dynamite.

Oh, yes.

So one is.

Fiddlesticks.

It won't go out.

What can we do?

We can't throw it out of the window.

What about the beefeaters? What about the baby ravens?

I have an idea.

Toilet flushes

boom!

That was a big one.

How did you know about this privy?

It was toilet of the week in plumbers weekly.

I must get a subscription.

Toodle-pip.

Hey, wait!

I'm not going yet. You've got some explaining to do.

Does one?

Why is her majesty the queen stealing her own crown jewels?

Well,

when I met your granny,

I realised I had never done anything

as daring as that in all my life.

I mean, it's wonderful being queen, but one never, ever gets a chance

to do anything in the least bit naughty.

And so I...Well, I suppose I did it

for the thrill.

You became the black cat, the new gangsta granny?

Yes.

You stole the mask of tutankhamun and the world cup!

I prefer the word "borrowed".

They're in my rucksack.

- Weighs a ton. - Oh, I bet. - One doesn't want to keep them,

but with the nation's police force on high alert,

it's becoming rather tricky to return them.

Maybe I could help.

Oh, splendid, Ben!

Perhaps your granny could help too.

Oh, Ben, I am so sorry.

Yeah...I've been lost without her.

The queen has a used tissue up her sleeve?

All grannies do.

It's a rule.

Who goes there?!

Get the door! Quick!

Follow me.

Linda sobs

mumbles incoherently

no, the dance competition didn't go as well as we'd hoped.

Yes, you did bring shame on the outer hebrides.

And I blamed it on Ben, and it wasn't his fault.

Yeah, you did unfairly put all the blame on Ben.

Where on earth is he?

I don't know, I mean, he's not here, is he?

What have we done? What have we done?!

Certainly something one doesn't do very often.

We need to go somewhere safe, where we can make a plan.

My place is swarming with guards.

Can we go to yours?

Oh, I'm in disgrace with my folks

for breaking flavio flavioli's bottom.

Oh! Such a lovely bottom, too.

Like a perfectly ripe peach.

We need someone we can trust.

I know where to go.

I've never been on a bus before. It's so exciting!

Do they always stop by those little sticks?

- Well, they're called bus stops. - Ah! - But, yeah. Right.

This is our destination.

- Raj's news? - Raj!

Raj!

She whistles

- Ben! - Can you let us in, please?

Who is that with you?

Oh!

Hello!

Hello.

Ah!

- Bell jangles - welcome, my most majestical majesty.

My number-one favourite customer of all time.

Thank you.

Now, I do declare this shop open.

Oh, I'm so sorry! It's a force of habit.

Welcome.

Oh, sweets!

Help yourself, your majesty.

Everything is price-marked.

One would pay,

but sadly, one never carries cash.

Get that woman out of here before she eats all my stock.

Ah!

We're in trouble. Big trouble.

I stole the mask of tutankhamun and the world cup.

She borrowed them, and we need to put them back.

Are you the black cat?

For shizzle!

Gangsta queenie!

Boom! I think as long as we have Ben to help,

we can return the loot. Wembley first, then the museum.

- What about your wax figure? - Oh, drat!

- One forgot! - The one from madame tussauds?

It was an alibi, but it's still in the royal box at the palladium.

Aha. Sounds like a job for the raj-mobile!

Oh, thank you, raj, you're the best! Right, let's go.

Oh, fizzy worms!

Don't mind if one does!

We need to get to Wembley.

Are we getting another bus?

Actually, I've got my own wheels, just around the corner.

Now we've got you.

These biscuits are stale!

How do we get in?

Last time, I landed on the pitch with my hang glider.

I've got an idea.

Plumbing-based?

Wembley stadium has a brand-new sprinkler system.

And according to plumbers weekly, there's a maintenance hatch

near here that leads straight to the stadium tunnel.

But where's the hatch?

I think you might be standing on it.

Oh!

Come on.

You're very brave.

One is only old once.

Right.

Cheering echoes

She gasps

back in a jiffy!

England!

And Scotland,

wales, northern Ireland

and all the nations of the commonwealth!

Come on.

2-0! Her majesty the queen scores the winning goal!

Now, your maj.

Come on.

Ben,

would you like to hold the world cup before one puts it back?

Nah, I'm not bothered about football.

Oh.

Mwah!

Cheering echoes

radio chatter

we need to go - now. Come on.

This way.

Good as new.

Well, well, well.

It is I,

mr Parker, your friendly neighbourhood watch leader.

You're both under citizen's arrest.

I knew you'd return to the scene of the crime,

like a kitten returning

to its litter tray.

Don't think you can get away.

Oof!

It's a fair cop.

One is the guilty party.

But the boy is innocent.

Just me and not him.

Your majesty?!

- Could it really be you? - Yes.

And I'm ready to do my time.

One has never been in jail before.

Is it fun?

- No, I can't arrest the queen. - I will!

Lock her up!

Would anyone like a crisp?

I brought them from home.

I definitely didn't take them from the museum cafe over there.

Can we get back to the matter in hand?

Perhaps her majesty was just borrowing the things.

Yes.

For regal purposes.

And we can say that that I, mr Parker, of lower toddle,

found the mask in a skip and returned it.

Thank you, mr Parker.

And in recognition of all you have done

for neighbourhood watching,

I would like to bestow a knighthood on you

for services to nosey parkering.

Are you sure that's wise?

You don't want to encourage him.

Fetch me a sword.

This is the greatest day of my life.

Ah, the sword of tiberius, no less.

- Thank you. - Mm!

Kneel.

Thank you, ma'am.

You're too kind, ma'am.

I hope I'm not grovelling, ma'am.

Just a little bit.

Now, arise, sir Parker.

Thank you.

And now I'd like to make a short speech.

Sorry, mr Parker, there is no time.

- Sir Parker. - We have to get to madame tussauds

to meet raj before it opens.

I would like to thank all you old folk for all you do

for our nation.

- If it was up to me, I'd lock you up and throw away the key! - Charmed!

- New wax figure delivery. - Who is it? - Madonna.

Get her in quick, please. We're about to open.

There.

- Oh, blast and bother! - What?

One has to go on to another engagement.

One can't possibly go to the state opening of parliament

dressed as the Batman.

This would look very fetching on you.

It does!

We could swap! Everybody, please turn round.

Everybody, please turn back.

That was quick!

One has to be a quick dresser in this game.

Oh, Ben,

this has been the most thrilling night of my life.

And it's all thanks to you.

It's been the most thrilling night of my life, too.

Well, not forgetting the night

that me and my gran stole your jewels.

If it hadn't been for your grandmother,

we would never have met.

She was a remarkable lady.

She was.

I loved her so much.

Oh, Ben.

You still love your granny, and you always will.

And she will be with you forever, in there.

Thanks.

We grannies know these things.

Here.

She gasps

oh! They're already open!

One is so conspicuous. What to do?

- Uh, pretend you're a wax figure! - How?

Oh, gee! It's the queen, of old merry England!

- I need a selfie to show the folks back home. - Me too!

She's much older than she looks on TV.

So wrinkly!

- How dare you?! - Argh! - Oh! - It spoke!

Say one more rude thing, and I will order the invasion of america.

Just one of our new talking wax figures.

Yeah, very realistic.

Bit too realistic, if you ask me.

Right this way, roboqueen.

Farewell, Ben and mr raj.

We couldn't have done it without you.

You are welcome back to my shop any time.

Ah, with appropriate money, of course.

Thank you.

Well, back to the day job.

Taxi!

Buckingham Palace, please.

Thought you'd say that. Hop in, your maj.

Big fan, by the way. I've got all your stamps.

Oh!

So you are in the secret service!

Ben, you'd better be off home.

After what happened with flavio and his bottom injury,

my parents must be furious with me.

They'll be worried sick about you, Ben. They love you.

Raj knows it.

Oh, hello there! My little guardian angel!

- You've been looking out for me wherever I go. - Oh, my Benny!

- Oh! - Son!

I was so worried about you.

I didn't know what happened to you.

I didn't sleep a wink all night.

And I only dozed off

for seven or eight hours at most.

Yeah. Why didn't you come home?

I thought you'd be mad at me

because I let you down so badly with the dancing.

Oh, Ben, look, we...We shouldn't be making you ballroom dance.

It's not your thing.

Plumbing's your passion.

Yeah, we mean it this time.

We want you to be the best plumbman there is.

It's plumber, but thanks!

Oh, and I think flavio is going to be ok.

If he needs a transplant, I offered one of your father's buttocks.

You did what?

Oh, and, mum, dad,

I hope you don't mind,

but we've just adopted a cat.

Aww!

Purring

hello, darling. Aww!

Oh, come in, you. Come on, don't you go missing like that again.

What kind of valve do you use on larger pipes?

Butterfly.

Correct!

You're doing very well, Ben.

Whilst none of us have got a single question right!

Oh, what time is it?

Oh, open the fruit jellies, it's time for our queenie!

Come on. Sit, Ben.

- Thank you. - There you go.

All of us can often feel

that our lives have been mapped out for us,

as if the accident of our birth dictated

that we follow one path.

Sometimes, whoever we are,

we need to break out

and follow our dreams.

I'm going to have another look at that dripping tap.

Miaows

The queen's right, Ben.

Granny?

All you've got to do is follow your dreams.

Like we did.

I miss you so much, granny.

I know.

But I'll always be by your side, Ben.

Promise?

I promise.

Miaows

Thank you so much for having me over for Christmas.

I would have been on my own.

Esha, you're welcome any time.

Well, no, not tomorrow,

as we've got his cousins coming over, and they eat us

- out of house and home. - Oh!

- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.

Come on.

Well, esha, I, er, I'd better get you home.

Unless...

..Of course, you feel like an adventure.

What? Oh, yes, please!

I've never had an adventure!

Where are we going to go?

Wherever your heart takes you.

- Well, then, Ben, let's burn some rubber! - And follow our dreams.

# so kiss me under the mistletoe

# pour out the wine, let's toast and pray for December snow

# I know there's been pain this year, but it's time to let it go

# next year, you never know

# but for now, merry Christmas... #

my dream is to be

a ballroom dancer!

Salsa cubana by ace library

- mm! - Thanks to the queen's a-magic touch,

flavio's buttock is healed!

Now, let's-a burn up the floor!