All language subtitles for 2015 - The Escort

Hold on a second.

Hey there.

Hey.

You don't trust me?

What, am I a fool?

You're not going to look like an idiot.
If anyone looks like an idiot, it's me.

Slap me, I've been naughty.

Oh, wow.

All right, tell me I'm not going to get
any dessert.

You're not getting any dessert. What?

And you're banned from TV and Internet
for a week.

Tell me I can't watch Game of Thrones.

What? Just tell me.

You're banned from watching Game of
Thrones, you little shit!

All right, good, good, good, good, good.
Yeah, tell me I run down the whole

lineup of HBO Sunday night shows.

You're banned from watching Girl!

No!

And Weed!

No more Bored to Death!

They canceled Bored to Death.

Oh, um... No more Boardwalk Empire!

Bullshit! Ride that shit!

Ride that shit! Ride that shit like evil
can evil!

Ride it!

Hey, Victoria, it's Sunday night. You
want to watch some HBO?

Would you pay me more?

I wasn't planning on it.

No!

Just running a little behind. I'll be
there soon.

I'm going to say how Corinne is a big
movie fan.

Yeah, I make it a point to see all the
Oscar -nominated movies every year.

Well, that's great. Do you have any
favorites?

Let's see.

Well, I'm going to have to break it down
genre by genre.

Family Up is a really good family film.
I cried.

Oh, my God, you cried.

We did, like, the first minute.

Did you?

I had to pick my favorite action and be
Saving Private Ryan. Classic. So

visceral. A lot of guys like action
films, but I do too.

Mitch, you love Saving Private Ryan. He
does?

Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. A lot of things in common. I think
we watched it together maybe. I just

think it's really disappointing how in
so many movies they use sex in such a

gratuitous fashion.

It's really, really tasteless.

No, I couldn't agree more.

And the film industry thinks we want to
see tits in every other scene to be

satisfied. It's ridiculous.

Am I right? Thank you. Well, that's one
point we don't agree on.

Just the one.

Well, yeah.

No, I'm going to run to the bathroom.

How you doing tonight?

Good, good, thank you.

So?

I'm doing great. What the fuck, man?

Excuse me.

You're looking at Corinne like she's
some kind of leper.

I'm not looking to get set up, okay? You
insist.

It's the only reason I'm here. Yeah,
you're in the goddamn bathroom.

Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong with the
bathroom? He didn't mean anything by it.

I'm sorry. You gotta get your shit
together, man.

You can't keep living like this.

How's he living?

Yeah, how am I living?

You've got real issues.

Like what?

Like having to get up in the middle of
dinner and come in here and rub one out.

I knew that.

Yep, that's what I thought.

JP, I'm trying here, man. I just, I
don't want to be here. You're on the app

again, aren't you? What app? You know
what the fuck app I'm talking about? The

sex app. Sir, sir, please keep... God
damn it!

You were so fucking intrusive for a
bathroom attendant.

Is there a sex app? Well, I mean, yeah,
it just kind of connects you with other

people looking to get it in. I heard
about this. Yeah, my cousin was talking

about this. Oh, man, I got to get on
that.

Fuck. You'd clean up. You should.

I actually just made a connection. There
we go. No, no, no.

Do not bail out on me. You cannot do
this to me.

Tell her I'm not feeling well if you
want to go with IBS. I'm fine with that.

Mitch, Mitch, Mitch. I'm sorry, man.

What shop is it? Is it this one?

What was the name of that? I don't know,
man. Could you give me one of those

little... Are those eye drops or mints?
Oh, these are mints and eye drops. I

have both. Whatever you need. This is
sort of a weird thing to say.

Okay. But I feel like I could imagine
what I would do.

Oh, wow.

That's amazing.

They were really cute. Yeah.

And smart.

Where's Mitch?

Are you familiar with IBF?

housing.

Sure, you can buy me a drink.

Good to know.

Is that how you treat a lady who shows
interest?

You asked for a free drink. You didn't
show interest.

Were you expecting a blowjob right out
of the gate?

Offering something would indicate more
interest than asking for something.

You don't want to get to know each other
first?

Should I buy you a drink or prefer the
blowjob?

Fine, I'll start.

My name is Victoria.

And I moved here two years ago after I
graduated from Stanford.

I'm currently reading a book on Gandhi.

I continue to sleep on my stomach no
matter how many times my chiropractor

me not to. You shouldn't do that. And I
call bullshit on anyone suddenly

becoming allergic to gluten in the last
five years.

Liars.

You must be Miss Juicy 34.

What?

From the sex app, Climax.

See, you're not here to have sex with
me.

Uh, I don't know what you're talking
about, but, um, it's a thousand for the

hour, three for the night.

You're a hooker. I didn't beg you.

I'm an escort.

Yeah, you escort men's penises inside
you for money.

Fuck you.

Look, you're barking up the wrong tree,
all right? I couldn't afford you anyway.

Well, then maybe dress in your tax
bracket and don't come to swanky hotels.

For your information, this is all H &M.
And I'm here to meet a girl. Yeah, from

a sex app.

Pervert. Pervert? You're the hooker.

Escort. Is your name even Victorian?

What do you think?

For what it's worth, everything else I
told you is true.

Yeah, even the Stanford thing?

Everything.

Who are you?

Fine. I need the obituary for Dr. Filler
and Elaine Ackerton. Yeah, got that

right here.

Um, Filler, Ackerton.

There you go.

I can always count on you, Mitch.

And hey, can you stop by my office in
about ten?

I want to run something by you. Yeah,
sure. Is it about getting new computers?

Because I think that would really boost
morale.

There is no easy way to say this.

But you know how you're currently an
employee of the company?

Yeah, I do.

You're not going to be when you leave
this office.

But you just said everything was all
right.

Interesting.

I just needed you to come to my office,
and I didn't want you to think I was

firing you. But I'm the best journalist
you have on the team. You even said to

me last week, Mitch, you're the best
journalist we have on the team, so I'm

a little confused as to where... If it
makes you feel any better, this decision

had nothing to do with Merritt.

Uh, then... Then what?

If I let Patty go, here comes the ageism
lawsuit.

If I fire Donnell...

You can connect the dots.

And I was very clear about not fucking
the interns.

You know, that guy's a slimy fucking
bastard. He's lucky I don't rip his head

off.

I told him not to act like a big
swinging dick with you around or you'd

right back up his ass.

Yeah, right. Hey, Don, you've met my
cousin Mitch, right?

The sex addict dude?

Yep.

Just taking a little survey.

Well, have fun with that.

Thanks, bud. I'll talk to you soon.

That how you like being known?

The only reason that's my rap is because
you tell people that.

How do you think small talk works? When
there's an awkward silence, what else do

you expect me to say?

Like anything else.

Seriously, anything else.

You know, I used to think any guy would
be a sex addict if he could, and now

that I know one, it's real, and it is
scary.

Luke, are we getting lunch or what?

I'm just saying, Mitch, you're 27 years
old, you're unemployed, no money, no

girlfriend, you don't talk to anyone
anymore.

I'm talking to you right now, aren't I?

There are 20 billion people in the
world.

I don't think that's true.

Mitch, I'm your only friend.

Do you know how much pressure that puts
me under?

Look, man, I don't get on your ass for
going to all those dubstep concerts

you're way too old for. I'm right in the
middle of the demographic!

Okay, what you did to me and Alex the
other night really made us look bad. And

the Mitch I used to know would never
have bailed like that.

Clearly you've got something going on.
If you're not working right now, maybe

it's time to get some help.

Are you hungry? Yeah, that's why I'm
here. You said let's get lunch. Why do

keep putting?

Because you kept putting on your tie.

I don't have to tell you how tough it is
in the newspaper business right now.

Our only hope is that something should
happen to the Internet.

Something like, say, a solar flare or
something that knocks out all the

electricity.

Then we'd be in business.

We can only hope.

So is there, like, a job opening?

Nothing.

Our numbers are tight as is, unless...
you could work for free I don't really

see how we would make it work you won't
work for free will you

no

This is Mission magazine.

We don't cover obituaries and local
interest.

Right. Well, sure, I covered obituaries,
but I also wrote features for other

sections as well. They're on there.

Finding the right gastroenterologist for
you.

Believe it or not, a reader wrote in
actually saying how that article saved

life. So, I mean, I kind of feel good
about that one.

You know what? Thanks for coming in, but
I just don't think I see anything here

that indicates your sensibilities would
resonate with our readers. But give it.

Well, thanks.

Thanks for your time.

You know what?

Just give me a shot.

I'll write something on spec, something
your audience would actually read.

What do you have to lose?

I have an open position, but I've got
two writers writing something for it. So

can throw you into the mix, but you are
going to need to write something that I

can actually print.

I can't publish.

what using the semicolon says about you.
Yeah, no, no more semicolons. We're

going to write something interesting
here.

Should I leave this here? No, I think
I've seen enough.

Why you make me track you down like a
criminal?

Junior, hey!

No, I was just about to stop by your
apartment. You stopped nowhere.

Rent is due by the end of the week, and
you still haven't paid me food for last

month. And I was just about to... Look,
I'm not going to play this game with you

no more, Cabal.

You pay the rent by Friday, or I'll
evict you, and I take whatever stuff you

have in there.

The louche.

Nice to me.

That's expensive stuff.

If you can afford me coconuts, like some
prince, you can afford to pay the rent.

So I assume I'm not going to see that
back, or... It's yours. Yep.

Hey, man, do you happen to know a
regular here by the name Victoria? She

around a lot.

You a cop?

Do I look like a cop?

Because if you're a cop, you've got to
tell me.

I mean, I don't think that's true, but
no, I'm not a cop.

Prove it.

I mean, I just said I'm not a cop. I
don't know what more I can do.

You know, certain women, they have their
clients take out their junk just to

prove that they're not a cop.

So why don't you show me a ball?

That should do it.

I'm not going to take my balls out in
the middle of the bar, man.

I said one ball.

Look, this is getting weird. Can you
just tell me if Victoria... We're going

pay for this.

You're not going to pay for this?

Victoria.

Or whatever your real name is.

Oh, God.

Are you like one of those guys that's
seen Pretty Woman too many times?

I've never seen Pretty Woman.

I don't believe you.

Of course I've seen Pretty Woman. Who
hasn't seen Pretty Woman? Here in

at the Twine. It's a great movie.

Wait, I just have to ask you something.

Look, I'm not trying to save you or
sleep with you, for that matter. All I

to do is write a story. An interesting
one. I think you have one. Well, that's

great. So my family can find out I'm an
escort in some idiot's Tumblr. No, no,

no. Look, it's not for a blog.

It's for, like, a legit magazine.

Well, let me see a card.

Well, I don't technically work for them
yet. This is my application piece.

You're full of shit.

Usual. Vodka, rocks, two limes.

This guy's a cop.

You're a cop? I'm not a cop.

He was in here earlier.

He wouldn't show his nuts.

That's a tell. What?

How is that a tell?

Because you didn't do it.

Let's get to my dear turn, please.

I know you have to have your guard up
doing what you do, but I'm a decent guy.

I swear.

I just lost my job working at this
newspaper, and I'm trying to land this

this magazine.

All I want to do is tell an interesting
story, and I think you have one.

Yeah? What story would that be?

You know, you're a Stanford -educated...
Escort.

Yeah. Sure.

We can take that angle if you want. All
right, buddy. Look, I'm not interested

in being your hooker with a heart of
gold or being some pity piece about how

system failed me or whatever bullshit
angle you're taking. Look, I'm not apt

make you look bad. Just let me follow
you around for like a week or two. You

won't even notice I'm there.

No. Final answer. Sorry.

Wait, just here.

Yes, record me there. Take that in case
you change your mind.

Think about it.

I'm so into you, baby.

I'm getting wet just thinking about what
you're going to do.

Hey,

I said no kissing. I'm not going to say
it again. Come on, baby.

I could be your boyfriend.

No, stop it. It's over, asshole.

Don't be such a goddamn bitch.

No, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

I'm getting what I paid for.

Need a bit of a favor.

Hey, I swear to God, I can't fucking do
this anymore.

Why? What happened?

I'm fine. I'm just, like, a little bit
rattled.

Fucking scumbag.

What, did he try to stick up in that
beautiful ass again?

Just a drunk, coked -out bullshit.

I still think my ass is beautiful.

It's a dangerous world out there.

You ever think about getting back with
Sebastian?

Hell no. I don't want a pimp. It makes
it feel way too real.

Plus, that fucker took half my money and
I did all the work.

Well, what happened tonight would not
happen if you had someone there with

That's all I'm saying.

Yeah.

Maybe. Hey, you find a parking spot
okay?

I actually walked here. I don't have a
car.

You don't have a car in L .A.? Yeah, or
any other city. I don't have a car.

Speaking of, nice one. I like it.

Thanks.

Is that, like, an environmental issue,
or...? No, my life's just pretty

contained to this area, so... I don't
need a car.

So what made you come around?

Does it matter? You seem really
desperate and thick. Just be glad I'm

you do this.

Huh.

A charity case.

I'll take it.

So are you from around here, or...?
Don't you have something to write this

with? No, I just prefer to listen.

Oh, God. Are you like one of those
waiters who doesn't write anything down

then fucks the order all up?

Uh, no.

I'm like one of those waiters who
doesn't write anything down and gets it

right. By the way...

No names, places, pictures, nothing that
can tie me to this article or I will

rip your balls off. I don't even know
your real name.

Where are we going, anyway?

I have an 11 o 'clock.

In the morning?

Hey, Ruth, I'm so sorry I'm late. Oh, no
problem, Natalie. Jared's waiting in

the kitchen. Did you hear that, Natalie?

Jared's waiting in the kitchen, Natalie.

And who's there? Oh, hi, I'm Mitch. A
friend from out of town. He has nothing

do today because he has no friends.

Also, he's a little low.

Do you mind if we hang out here for the
hour?

Oh, bless his heart. Of course. Come in.

Thanks. Hey, this is weird.

Who's Jared? Her 10 -year -old son.

She's going to have sex with her 10
-year -old son?

This is weird. You know what? I can't do
this. Shut up. Pretend you don't exist

and shut the door.

For the record, I'm not comfortable with
this.

Great. So what do all these equations
have in common?

So why do you tutor when you're pulling
in over a thousand bucks a night?

Escorts have family members that ask
questions, too.

Believe it or not, I actually enjoy
teaching.

You know, my tutor was a 300 -pound guy
whose breath smelled like salami.

Lovely.

How do you get into this in the first
place?

Don't do that.

Do what? Don't ask questions.

How am I supposed to do my job, then?

Just don't make it feel like an
interview, you know? Let's just be flat.

You do our front, right?

Yeah, and I ask them questions when I
want to know things. Dad, I can already

tell you're going to be so fucking
annoying.

Come here, two carrots, two cups of
azucar beans.

My baby, she knows how to keep that
bigger than me.

That would be cute, babe.

Why is more of that cute?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, it's for you.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, guys, please stop having sex. We
have company.

Hi, babe.

Hey, babe.

Hey! Dominic, Dana, this is Mitch.
Mitch. Hey.

My friend. Hey. Hey,

Mitch. What did you think of my song?

It was, uh, inspiring.

Rock on.

Dominic's going to be the next Bob Dylan
and John Mayer and Bruno Mars or

something. Certainly a wide range.

Mm -hmm.

Hey, thanks, man.

Appreciate that.

Means a lot.

You guys should totally stay for lunch.

Yeah.

Shit. Yeah. I just ate.

I'm really full, which is unfortunate
because this all looks delicious, but...

So the night car, the downtown loft, is
this all you or did your

parents... Have money when you were
growing up? They help you out? What's

on here?

Single mom, high school teacher.

What about your dad?

Never met him.

I'm still having trouble kind of
wrapping my head around you. I mean,

great school, got a great education.
You're not awful looking.

Just don't understand.

Come on, you've got to give me
something.

After graduation, I had to get a job
that paid enough to put a dent in my

student loans. I checked off all the
boxes.

Okay, well, there are plenty of normal
jobs that pay well, right? Yeah, not

this. Once I hit a certain number, I'll
call it quits.

I've got some ideas of what I want to
do, but for now, this is it.

Number? What kind of number are we
talking about?

Last year, I made $213 ,000 tax -free.

I figure at that rate, another two and a
half years...

And I'll have the flexibility to do what
I want.

Holy shit.

Gotta get ready.

Don't be so shocked.

So, tell me about yourself.

Who is Mitchell Cooper?

Can't we just be, like, friends and,
like, hang out and chill and not ask

questions? Hey, asshole.

I don't sound like that.

What do you want to know?

I don't know.

Anything, whatever.

Just people with normalized sex, maybe.

Normal. Is that what you think of me?

I don't know.

Let's see. Well, I worked at the Los
Angeles Review.

I mostly wrote for the obituary section.

That's kind of cool. I'm like a gothic
loner kind of way.

I don't know. I kind of enjoy finding
the best possible combination of words

tell someone's story, you know?

I like it when I read the obituary and I
look at the picture of the person

smiling.

Looking all happy, and you forget about
the pancreatic cancer, or whatever shit

happened.

It's nice.

Is it me up?

Um... Yeah. Sure.

Yeah,

um...

Sipped up.

If you're going to be seen with me, I
can't have you wearing that.

What's wrong with what I'm wearing?

You look like Mr. Rogers.

What?

I look like a band member from Jesse and
the Rippers from Full House.

That's what.

I think you look hip and handsome. I
think you're wrong.

In a Robin Thicke video?

A little bit.

If you're going to be singing with me,
this is what you're wearing.

You just get a couple different colored
t -shirts. You rotate them around. It'll

be like a whole new outfit.

The chain looks great on you. It does.

You can wait at the bar until I rent a
client.

Don't leave. When I do get somebody, I'm
going to go to room 1516. Just wait in

the hall until I'm done.

Remember, you're a ghost.

But if I do summon you, you may engage
me.

Engage you?

What are you, the NSA?

Do I look like I'm laughing?

On the outside, no, but maybe on the
inside?

No. Okay.

Have a drink? No.

Would you pay to have sex with me?

I thought we've already been through
this. I can't afford you.

I know, but, like, am I fucking hot
enough?

Oh, when the pros need a pep talk once
in a while, huh?

I mean, yeah, you're hot.

Bullshit. What, you don't think it's
possible for me to enjoy the sex?

Not to that degree, and certainly not
with a guy like that.

I gotta have something for them to come
back for. I mean, it's all about

generating regulars.

What, you think those artificial orgasm
noises is what brings them back?

Did I get rave reviews?

I'll be sure to check out your Yelp page
when I get home.

Oh, you should.

Five stars.

He's texting so much. Girlfriend?

No, just... people.

Alright, meet me here tomorrow, 10am.

Alright.

Hey.

Seriously, thanks for doing this.

Ride's on me.

It's nice of them to give me a
complimentary tea.

So do you have a pimp, or do you do all
your own bookings?

All generated by yours truly.

An entrepreneur.

Why go pimpless?

They take too much of the pie for what
they're worth.

But isn't it, like, dangerous for you to
be out there all alone?

I'm not going to answer another question
until you man up and get a pedicure.

No, I'm not going to get a pedicure.
I've never had a pedicure before. I'm

going to get a pedicure.

Hey, do manicures come with it?

No, that's extra. Would you like one?

Well, let's figure since we're here,
right?

Right. One -stop shopping sort of thing.

No polish, though. No, of course not. No
polish.

Yeah, it varies. Anywhere from two to
eight guys a week.

Most of them are regulars.

Wait, let's just back up a little bit.
How do you even get into this in the

first place?

Well, Dana had just started working and
she was making all this money while I

was barely covering the rest of the
tutoring.

And, um, one night she took me to a club
and introduced me to a pimp.

Oh, so you did have a pimp at one point.

Yes.

Yeah,

for a minute. Fuck.

He gave me the $900 price tag and called
over one of his clients. And before I

knew it, his client came over and pulls
out a lot of cash and puts it right in

front of me.

You tell yourself that you would never
do something like that for money.

But when it's staring at you right in
the face...

Come on.

Let's play another game.

Another day where I kick your ass. All
right, this is unfair.

I don't have this version. I've got two
years ago.

Well, aren't you guys in a celebratory
mood?

Celebrating Benny's promotion, huh? You
little prick, right? Now, I bet he has

sucked more dick than you to get where
you are. Right there, Benny. Right?

Come on, relax.

Sweet tits, okay? We're just having some
fun, all right? Let's have another

shot.

Whoa, whoa, group, group table here.

Shut the fuck up, Benny, all right?
Drink your drink, all right? She can

it. She can take pretty much anything I
can give her, right, huh?

You fucking slut.

You know how many clocks you would have
to sit on to pay for a shirt like that?

Something going on over here?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Mind your own
fucking business, pal, okay?

No, he's not going to mind his own
business because he's my bodyguard. And

you don't shut the fuck up, he's going
to beat the crap out of you.

Oh, wow.

Tough guy.

You heard her.

If you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going
to...

I'm going to get the fuck out of here.

Fuck this.

Wait, wait.

Wait. Mitch, Mitch, Mitch, wait, wait,
wait. What, are you using me?

Like some sort of pimp? Okay, we're
using each other. You get what you want,

I get what I want. I can't beat up five
guys. I'm not Bruce Lee.

They're all taught that I can actually
do anything.

Probably.

Think how great your article will be.

Don't get me killed, okay?

Who keeps texting you?

People text. Friends text. I'm sure you
text. Yeah, but that's like the text

frequency of a very desperate woman.

Hey, we're done here, right?

Yeah, I guess.

All right.

See you later.

Just like that.

Since when does a pimp have to explain
anything to his hoe?

Planning on it.

Jones, stop.

Jones, stop. Jones, stop. Like I said,
I'm not planning on it.

I only caught the end.

but I think you were doing a little too
much. You followed me. Yeah, I followed

you. All that text messaging, you were
giving me like a creepy drug pin vibe.

I need to know what it was, and now I
know. No, a prostitute was worried about

being linked to a seedy underworld.

Yeah, if you're going to be in charge of
my safety, I need to know that you're

not going to just sketch off and leave
me with a potentially dangerous client.

I thought you said this wasn't going to
be dangerous.

It's not going to be dangerous for you.
I'm a sitting duck out there.

Look, you're my ticket to that job.

Okay, I'm not just going to leave you.

I just wanted to be clear. We're clear.

Perfect.

How'd you meet her?

Who?

The girl you had been told for the
bathroom thing. I'm sure she had the

I'm sure she does, but I don't know it.

Okay, look, that app connected us.

All right, what do I care if she's on
her shift break?

Is this a rare occurrence?

No.

This is fascinating.

Do you get tested?

Often. What's been your worst scare?

Hep B.

Hep C.

Seriously? Seriously.

But you're all like... Yeah,
everything's fine. You?

Oh, I'm fine.

In a two -week wait. Holy shit, right?

Couldn't eat.

I couldn't sleep.

The worst part is going to that clinic
and sitting all alone.

It's awful.

And the place smells like a funeral
home.

The hung poster of the ethnically
diverse FTD -free people just kind of

there. Yeah, what the fuck is that
about?

Hey, I don't know what you're doing on
Sunday, but I'm heading to my dad's

for dinner. You want me to meet your
family?

Not my family. I mean, it's just my dad
and my sister.

But, yeah, it'll be fun.

What's this really about?

What do you mean?

I thought it was poor form to bring your
work home with you.

Well, you're our presentable piece of
work.

Okay, look, my family thinks that I'm
kind of like a big fuck -up.

And, well, you're smart, and pretty, and
personable, and if I were to bring

someone like you home, then, you know, I
think I'm getting my shit together.

You think I'm pretty?

But, uh... Jay, help me out.

I suppose I'll wear something paid for,
girl -friendly.

But I'm not holding your hand, and you
can't call me babe, or boo, or anything

that starts with a B.

Oh, my God, Monkey, you're gonna be
great.

Don't even.

With all the time you're spending on
this article, it better be good, man.

That's good, I think.

I don't know.

Wow. You sound super confident.

How far into it are you?

I'm still in the researching stage.

You going to tell me what it's about or
what?

Nope.

Why? You're just going to be annoying
about it.

Am I ever annoying?

Fine. It's some profile on some girl.

It's nothing.

And she's topical? Why?

Well, uh, she went to Stanford.

Second tier school, but... And, um, you
know, men pay her for sex.

You're doing a profile on a prostitute?

Well, I don't want to get technical
about it, I guess, but... Well, I do say

write what you know. What are you
fucking doing?

You didn't tell me you were Bruce
fucking Wayne.

Is this new money? Old money?

What's going on here?

My dad was a songwriter in the 70s.

Probably a bunch of classics that you've
never heard of and none that I care to

remember.

Okay.

You look like Betty White's
granddaughter.

Did you win your chess tournament?

I did, actually.

I look great.

Shit, how do I address the butler? I've
never done this. I don't have a butler.

Adam, hey!

I was beginning to think you forgot
about me. You? Come on.

Hey, I'm Natalie.

Holy shit, you're pretty.

Well, you're adorable yourself, little
lady. But you're, like, so fucking

pretty.

You're, uh, you're so fucking pretty. I
like her.

See, Dad's not getting on you about the
cursing.

If he's going to make me play JV
football, he's going to have to deal

cursing I'm exposed to.

Why is he making you play football?

Because Mitch quit when he was in high
school and he doesn't want me ending up

like him.

Why? What's wrong with Mitch?

Dad says he's poor and will continue to
be poor if he keeps working in a dying

industry. Wait here.

Home. I love it.

workout video these days.

Mitchell.

Dad, hey.

Yeah.

Yeah, you too.

You're wearing your contact lenses
again, aren't you? Yeah.

You look a lot less anal without your
glasses.

Thank you, I think.

And this must be?

I'm Natalie.

Gorgeous.

Just gorgeous.

I'm Charles. You have a beautiful home.

Yeah, it's all right.

It's been a while since Mitchell brought
a girlfriend around here. How long you

two been dating?

Uh, four to six months. We average
enough. The beginning is always weird.

it start with the first text message,
the first kiss? First kiss.

Toast. Toast.

Monkey, why don't you write that down?
First kiss.

Stanford.

That's impressive.

I knew a girl from Stanford once.

Twice, actually.

Natalie's running her own tutoring
business.

Can you tutor me in biology?

My teacher's got it out for me. She's a
grade A cunt.

Language. JV football.

I wish I could, but I only teach math.

Mitchell was never any good at math.

Emily here's a whiz. Look at that.

Ten minutes before putting me down.

It's a new record. Not everybody is good
at the same things, Mitchell.

Dad doesn't think Mitch applies himself
and says he looks to blame other people

for his problems.

I think Mitch is going to be just fine.

I've actually been reading the article
that he's writing for that magazine, and

it's really good.

He's a great writer.

Well, that's great news, Mitchell.

What's it about?

The article.

Well,

you know when... How would I describe
this?

It's about me.

And my business.

The learning habits of children and what
motivates them and such.

Wow, can't wait to read that one.

No offense.

Yeah, no disrespect to your profession,
Natalie, but it seems like if this is a

one -shot audition thing, why not just
do something a little more, I don't

risque?

Well, I have a feeling if the article
gets published, the risque will pop out.

Yeah. Hey.

Hey.

Pretty great, huh?

Yeah, you might want to hang on to that
one.

Yeah.

Hey, do you mind if I, uh... Uh, sure.

What can I do for you?

So, you remember last week?

Do you remember last week when I was
short on rent?

Well, since I'm not going to find out
about this article for a few more weeks,

I'm going to be short next week, too.

Mitchell, you know that I don't mind
helping you out, even though my

is begging me to stop enabling you.
Well, it's just until I get this job.

the way, it's looking good, so I'm sure
your therapist will be fine with that.

It's not just Dr.

Polanski.

No?

It's Crystal as well.

Who's Crystal? She's my astrologist. I'm
sorry, you're what? My astrologist.

She says when Mercury is in retrograde,
like it is right now, I can't do

anything financially. In fact, she's
instructed me to freeze all my accounts

the month.

This is a lot of time.

I swear.

Mitchell, I'm sorry. I wish I could help
you out.

Retrograde is retrograde.

Right.

Retrograde. Yeah.

Oh,

have you gone to any of those meetings
that Dr. Polanski suggested for the sex?

No, I didn't. You really might want to
go. He can help you.

I'm going to do that.

Okay. I love you.

Hey, just text this when you get picked
up, all right?

I'll get a ride home from one of the
girls.

Have fun. Thanks.

Hey, thanks for being so cool at dinner
tonight.

I know my dad could be a little much.

No, they're cool.

I had fun.

Although, if you do get this job, don't
tell your dad that I'm your prostitute

muse. It'll break his heart.

I really think he likes you.

Oh.

So, uh, you probably want to go home
now.

What, are you kicking me out? No, no.

I'm saying, here's your out if you want
it.

Yeah, what I want to do is I want to
drink wine on the porch of that giant

fucking Scarface mansion. That's what I
want to do.

Yeah, let's do that.

Why do you go to a bar to pick up guys?

Why don't you have, like, an online
profile?

I'm not a fan of the internet.

No, it's trending downwards anyway, so I
wouldn't worry about it.

No, really, why are you an escort?

I don't want to hear any bullshit about
how bad the economy is.

You can do anything you want.

I can't get a job.

Bullshit. I don't believe that.

Okay, look, this is off the record.

What?

No, I'm serious. You cannot put this in
the article.

Okay.

When I was a senior in college, I made a
list of the guys that I had sex with in

school. And I put it into this
PowerPoint presentation with pictures

like dick -sized estimates.

I mean, it was awesome.

And I forwarded it to a bunch of my
girlfriends. It was a stupid joke.

Is there, like, a lot of guys on this
list?

What's a lot?

I don't know, like, 20s, 30s.

There was a lot.

I was in college.

I enjoy sex, and I don't think that that
is anything to be ashamed of.

But one of my asshole friends decides to
forward it to one of her guy friends

who forwards it to one of his guy
friends, and before you know it, it's

the major blogs, the Huffington Post.

Piers Morgan was... gracious enough to
use me as an example on CNN in

his claim that our selfie generation is
the demise of civilization as we know

it.

I remember reading about this.

That's me.

That's you.

Try getting a job when every Google
search of your name has the word whore

to it.

I figure if I'm going to be called a
whore.

I might as well get paid, Michael.

Sorry.

Everybody's got something, isn't it?

No, but that's like a big something.

Thanks, dick.

What's up?

Shit. Uh, we gotta go pick up Emily.

What happened?

The girls wouldn't stop calling me
Icebox, and now I feel sick, too.

I just want to go home.

They called you what?

Icebox, the girl who plays football on
the Little Giant.

Little Giant, that's pretty funny.

No, it's not funny at all.

Why are they so mean to me? What did I
do wrong? You know what? I'm going to

something. Nobody bullies my little
sister. No, I got this. No, you don't

to. No, I got this.

She looks like one tough motherfucker.

Language.

But yeah.

You're not what I expected.

Oh, shit.

What? That's the wrong house. Listen,
you little bitch. I knew girls like you

high school, and you know what happened
to them?

Come on.

You better get your shit together and
stop picking on other girls. You don't

make yourself taller by standing on the
toes of others. Got it?

Dad?

Yeah, go ahead.

Call your daddy. I'd like to have a word
with him, too.

What? Hey, you're at the wrong house.
Get back to the car. Wrong house. Get

to the car. Let's go.

My license expired five years ago.

I've got a ponytail and everything.

Why do I need to get away from you?

Isn't it wonderful, Tom?

Sure is.

Don't let those girls get to you.

I wish you were that easy.

I'm threatened by you.

You're on the football team, getting to
spend all that intimate time with all

the cute guys that they have crushes on.

And they're not confident, so I'm trying
to make you. You feel as sad as they

do.

You really think that?

Yep.

And if you let them get to you, then
they've won.

You want

to

go to my bedroom?

My bedroom's upstairs if you want to go
to sleep.

Yeah,

you can sleep up there. I'll sleep here
on the couch.

Like we have to sleep in the same
bedroom if your dad's gonna think we're

dating. I'm being a gentleman.

Don't be weird. I am not being weird.
You don't have to be. I am being weird.

You need help there, Shrek?

It was really sweet what you did for
Emily tonight.

Even if it meant making a harmless girl
cry.

There are no harmless high school girls.

Really took charge.

Sometimes you ought to read a situation
and take the bull by the horns.

When was the last time you kissed a guy
off the job? I don't kiss guys on the

job. When was your last kiss?

I don't know. It's been a while.

Any new techniques I should know of?

Hey,

Mitch.

I want you to have this.

What is it?

I overheard your conversation with your
dad. No, I can't take this. Take it.

You'll pay me back after you get your
new job.

Just take it.

Hey, so what do you do now?

Run home, and then I have an appointment
at the clinic.

You know the one over on Grand Avenue?

Yeah, yeah, I like that one.

Comfortable waiting room chairs over
there. Yeah, they're a little worn for

liking, but not as bad as the one on
Wilshire. Oh, those are bad.

Thank you.

Come inside.

So we can feel.

Your heart I will steal.

What would we know of the sentient life?

We'd only know, we'd only know the life.

And only once, and only once.

Every day when you're done.

What are you doing here?

You said how much you hated these
places.

I don't want you to be alone.

How long you been here?

Hours.

Hitting the clinic, huh?

Quite a thoughtful gesture for a work
associate.

I'm a, uh, I'm a good friend, you know?

Helping you build this desk, aren't I?

Yeah. Your dad know about this escort?

He's met her, yeah, but he doesn't,
like, know what she does.

And you're not gonna tell him?

Nothing to tell if nothing's going on,
right?

Look, man, I can just talk to her about
things that I can't talk about with just

anyone. What's that mean? You can't talk
to me about stuff?

She doesn't judge me, man.

Mitch, I don't judge.

I observe.

And I think it's great that you got a
new buddy.

But why not bond with someone who's in
the world of Warcraft or Sudoku or water

parks? Anything other than sex with
dudes for money.

That's dangerous.

Why are you standing?

You call me over here to help you build
a desk, and I'm doing all the work.

I help you sometimes.

When?

Like, last week, I gave you a fully
loaded iPod. That was a first generation

with a bunch of Celtic music on it. I
don't even know what I'm going to do

that. Listen to it. Go for a fucking
jog.

I can't.

It's very browsing music. Where are you
going?

You know what? Like, every time we hang
out, all you do is just point out my

problems. Well, here's your problem,
man. You're an asshole.

I don't feel the need to tell you that
every single day.

What the? Mitch, I can't do these kinds
of things.

What is this?

Why don't you have a seat, Mitch?

We just want to talk to you.

About what?

Mitch, take a seat.

If you can stand, if you're more
comfortable like that. This is for you.

Why is Junior here? Why is my landlord
here?

They needed me for a lock apartment.

I asked, what for?

They tell me, I'm here to support.

What did they tell you?

That you have a problem that's been
taking over your life for years?

Even though you think you don't hurt
people, you do.

So, J .P., you've staged an
intervention.

There's four people here. Typically,
there's more than four.

Well, that's part of the problem.

These are the only people that care
enough to show up.

You couldn't even get Allie here? No.
Thursday tennis lessons.

That she missed last week, which turned
into this thing. J .P. told me about the

sex app.

thing or whatever.

This is just getting out of hand, son.

Mitch, you have to stop the drinking.

It hurts the people you love, who love
you back so much.

I'm, uh, not an alcoholic.

Drugs.

That's even worse.

My son is addicted to sex.

What? I think we got it from here, bud.
Thank you.

Son, I think it's time that you get
serious about getting some real help.

I'm sorry. You sick? He's addicted to
sex?

As if it's a bad thing. We all care
about you, Mitch.

We all just want to see you get better.

And what have I ever done to you?

Whenever I plan to visit you, you cancel
last minute.

You've been home like four weekends in
the past two years.

You always say you're there for me, but
you're never actually there.

Mitchell, it doesn't matter how you
ended up here.

The important thing is where you go from
here.

How I ended up here. You want to use
this weak -ass intervention to figure

how I ended up here. Crystal says...
Fuck, Crystal.

Hell, I'm surprised you're even here.

Shouldn't you be out walking the Great
Wall or hanging out with some energy

-healing voodoo master?

But you know what I do remember? I
remember my high school graduation.

So you're not being there because you're
a fucking burning man.

No, Mitch. This is bullshit.

Come on, man.

We didn't even... This was just the
intro part.

This six up.

How you six?

Six up? Just... Not a man.

You know.

I'm going to head out there.

I'm here if you need me.

All right.

What is the deal?

What?

Nothing. Nothing.

You were acting weird on the way over
here, and now you're not even looking at

me.

I'm fine.

Does this have anything to do with the
other night?

I don't give a shit about that.

Hey. Jesus, the waiters here get
creepier every day.

Miss, I can handle this, okay? Wait, you
know this guy? Hey, buddy, I think you

brought a pen. Look, I've got a better
idea. Maybe you and your faggot necklace

could get the fuck out of my face.

And later on, I'll take a picture of me
fucking your friend so you have

something to jerk off.

You know, you should really lock the
door if you don't want people barging

Since when do you give a shit about
protecting me?

That's what you wanted, right?

You wanted protection. You wanted
someone to care about you. That's

I did. Oh, don't give me that. You're
using me just like everybody else does.

Plus for your magazine article to con
your dad into giving you money. And

perfect. You became a hooker because you
bragged about fucking a bunch of guys

in college.

You could say that Victoria's just a
character that you play, but you like

job.

You revel in it. You're comfortable in
it.

You're in control.

You dictate the terms.

You don't have to worry about being
rejected by a bunch of guys who just

come all over you.

And you're just a sad person who revels
in his own self -loathing.

I'll end the debate for you right now,
Mitch.

You're not a sex addict.

You're just an emotionally crippled
child with low self -esteem who uses sex

numb his feelings.

Your problem isn't sex. Your problem is
reality.

Sex is just your pathetic fucking band
-aid.

You exhaust me, you know.

Bellowing black exhaust pipe smoke.

And the smut won't wash from this
unsuitable immigrant skin.

Such a villainous grace.

Oh, I don't know what you've done to
your face.

Some nights I can't figure out quite
where your heart is.

Oh Los

Angeles.

worth me for an opportunity i didn't
have to give you a chance and i did and

you're telling me you had this great
story and you can't write it i guess

accurate yeah okay that's it you're not

mad mad fuck do i care what two writers
out there who'd club a baby seal for the

job well look i could write something
else i just need a little bit more time

make my decision at the end of the week

Well, it's none of my business, but when
you came in here, you were hungry.

You were inspired, and you really wanted
this job.

Is what is not important to you anymore?

No, it still is.

If you are a journalist, you write.

If you can do anything else, you do
anything else.

If you're stuck, go back to the heart.

Go back to what inspired you in the
first place. You know, what really got

out of it.

David. Hi, any news?

Okay. Um, yeah.

Christ, what the fuck are you doing? We
need to talk.

Then fucking call me. I do call you. You
don't pick up my calls. You need to

leave. I'm working.

Not until you hear me out.

Hey, come on. I'm going to call the
police.

Then hurry.

All right, look, I know that you don't
want to accept it, and I didn't want to

admit it, but I like you in a way that I
didn't think I was capable.

I know how much money is in my wallet.

You shut the fuck up.

We both know that you never needed
anyone to protect you.

You never needed that.

Open the door. I'm working.

You're lucky I'm not going to call the
police on you.

Go home to your wife, asshole.

Victoria isn't just a character she
plays.

Victoria is a character we all play.

And tonight, some schlep of a guy will
sit alone at a bar, his head buried in

his phone, ordering vodka after vodka.

And if the powers that be decide that
tonight is his night, an escort named

Victoria will lean up against the bar,
tell him he can buy her a drink, And

blink those beautiful blue eyes.

And if the guy's smart, he'll never let
her slip away.

Natalie?

Your academic record... Spotless 4 .0
GPA.

But... But what?

But you don't want your institution
tarnished by the PowerPoint sex girl

Piers Morgan Live.

Thank you so much for your time.

But your essay is the reason we're
accepting you into our MBA program.

What? Your honesty about what happened
to you was refreshing.

Three of the five members of our
selection committee have children who

bullied on the Internet.

My daughter was one of them.

What does it say about us if we let
cyberbullying prevent a perfectly good

candidate from realizing her potential?

I look like a fucking waiter. You look
good.

Besides, that's what they make you wear
to these recitals.

I hate clarinet.

Dad won't let me quit.

Yeah. Hey, is he upstairs?

Fuck if I know.

Speed squat.

For 30 seconds, I want you to go as fast
as you can with these speed squads.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go. As fast as you can.

Down and lift.

Down and lift as fast as you can. This
is 30 seconds. That's been about 20

seconds right there. Go.

As fast as you can.

Speed, speed, speed, speed. Faster,
Zach.

This time, let's go.

6, 5, 4, 3, 2, hold down, hold down,
hold down, hold down, hold down.

Reach your arms forward as far forward
as you can.

Now what I want you to do, one last
thing. Listen to me. Hi,

son.

Good exercise.

Yeah, the whole exercise thing, yeah.

One of Emily's friends, asshole father,
told Emily that when you get over 50,

you got to work out every day. So she
thinks if I don't exercise, I die.

It's crazy. Sounds crazy.

So, look, I got some more money for you
if you still need it.

What happened to Crystal and Mercury?
She left me.

You were dating her? My astrologer. Of
course. Son, she was 35 and a Pilates

instructor. Do you have any idea what
Pilates does to a woman's ass?

So, how's Natalie?

Or should I say Victoria?

I think it's a great article. I'm proud
of you.

Thank you.

You know, I used to steal your weed when
I was a kid.

Really? That was you?

I even thought that was Rosalita.

That was me.

Well, that's all right. It was your
mom's weed.

Get the fuck out of here. Oh, yeah.

I was on the straight and narrow until
she came along.

So...

What about Natalie?

I fucked that up.

Well, you need to unfuck that up.

Look, if what you wrote in this article
is the truth, then you can't ignore your

feelings. That regret is going to grow
inside of you and twist you into a dark

and thorny place. I know. I've been
there. It's not good.

Smoke some weed.

So, I've been thinking.

I know you said I don't have to play
football next season, but I kind of want

to. Yeah, why is that?

I don't know.

I guess I don't mind the hitting and all
the yelling and stuff.

What?

What?

It's a boy. It's definitely a boy.

It's not a boy. That's the only thing
that makes sense. It's not a boy. What's

his name?

His name is Jonathan, and he plays wide
receiver, and he has the cutest ass on

his hands.

Language. Sorry, but... Do I even know
this kid?

Do you remember the guy who scored all
the touchdowns at my games last year?

What, Jonathan?

Touchdown Jonathan?

Yeah. He was pretty good.

And I think he liked me.

Oh, dear God.

Hey.

Hi.

I read your article and, well, I think
you misquoted me.

Nobody even knows it's you, just like
you asked. But there are some lines in

here I would have never said.

Like what?

You see enough unfaithful husbands and
you start to get sickened by the whole

notion of love.

How can you trust men when you see them
call their wives in front of you and say

they love them after they just paid for
sex?

I don't think you can be in my industry
and still believe in love. It's like

being a scientist and believing in God.

Yeah, you definitely said all of that.

I'd really like you to publish a
retraction of that statement and revise

say, you see enough unfaithful husbands
and you start to question the notion of

love.

And then when you finally experience it
for yourself, you see what all the fuss

is about.

And you can't imagine not having that
person in your life and you feel like

luckiest person in the world and you
would do anything to make them feel the

same way about you.

I quit.

I'm officially a grad student in
September.

Get an MBA and make this tutoring thing
a real business.

I'll have to pay taxes.

Well, that's good.

That's really good for you.

I'm happy for you.

Wait.

I want that with Jonathan.

Yeah. Over my dead body.