All language subtitles for [41zwxsvPW-w].en

I'm Jimmy. I'm the host. Thanks for

I'm Jimmy. I'm the host. Thanks for
watching. Thank you for joining forces

watching. Thank you for joining forces

watching. Thank you for joining forces
with us tonight. We are coming to you

with us tonight. We are coming to you

with us tonight. We are coming to you
from our home in Hollywood. We are We

from our home in Hollywood. We are We

from our home in Hollywood. We are We
have a big show tonight. We with a man

have a big show tonight. We with a man

have a big show tonight. We with a man
who might be the 48th president of the

who might be the 48th president of the

who might be the 48th president of the
United States one of these days.

United States one of these days.

United States one of these days.
Governor

Governor

Governor
Governor Gavin Nuome is here. G, did you

Governor Gavin Nuome is here. G, did you

Governor Gavin Nuome is here. G, did you
bring all your parking tickets to have

bring all your parking tickets to have

bring all your parking tickets to have
them uh voided like I told you to?

them uh voided like I told you to?

them uh voided like I told you to?
>> I did. I I already gave it to him in the

>> I did. I I already gave it to him in the

>> I did. I I already gave it to him in the
green room. You know, Gavin Newsome

green room. You know, Gavin Newsome

green room. You know, Gavin Newsome
might be the only guy who wears more

might be the only guy who wears more

might be the only guy who wears more
hair gel than you do. I don't know.

hair gel than you do. I don't know.

hair gel than you do. I don't know.
>> I don't know about that.

>> I don't know about that.

>> I don't know about that.
>> Anyway, Governor Nome will be here

>> Anyway, Governor Nome will be here

>> Anyway, Governor Nome will be here
shortly. And if you're watching in bed

shortly. And if you're watching in bed

shortly. And if you're watching in bed
at the White House, you might want to

at the White House, you might want to

at the White House, you might want to
stay up cuz we are definitely going to

stay up cuz we are definitely going to

stay up cuz we are definitely going to
be talking about you, girl. Okay.

President Donald Trump did find time

President Donald Trump did find time
between bombings yesterday to post what

between bombings yesterday to post what

between bombings yesterday to post what
the New York Post called apocalyptic

the New York Post called apocalyptic

the New York Post called apocalyptic
footage of San Francisco under Gavin

footage of San Francisco under Gavin

footage of San Francisco under Gavin
Newsome. The Lyatollah is pulling out

Newsome. The Lyatollah is pulling out

Newsome. The Lyatollah is pulling out
all the stops lately. Team Trump was on

all the stops lately. Team Trump was on

all the stops lately. Team Trump was on
Capitol Hill today to brief Congress

Capitol Hill today to brief Congress

Capitol Hill today to brief Congress
about the strikes on Iran. Usually that

about the strikes on Iran. Usually that

about the strikes on Iran. Usually that
happens before we invade a country, but

happens before we invade a country, but

happens before we invade a country, but
technically only Congress has the power

technically only Congress has the power

technically only Congress has the power
to declare war. But also technically

to declare war. But also technically

to declare war. But also technically
you're supposed to get a permit to tear

you're supposed to get a permit to tear

you're supposed to get a permit to tear
down the east wing of the White House

down the east wing of the White House

down the east wing of the White House
and they're not going to get bogged down

and they're not going to get bogged down

and they're not going to get bogged down
in technically with this group. The

in technically with this group. The

in technically with this group. The
president sent a letter to lawmakers in

president sent a letter to lawmakers in

president sent a letter to lawmakers in
which he claimed that it is too soon to

which he claimed that it is too soon to

which he claimed that it is too soon to
know the full scope and duration of this

know the full scope and duration of this

know the full scope and duration of this
conflict. Now on Sunday he said it could

conflict. Now on Sunday he said it could

conflict. Now on Sunday he said it could
last four to five weeks. Yesterday he

last four to five weeks. Yesterday he

last four to five weeks. Yesterday he
said it could be more than four to five

said it could be more than four to five

said it could be more than four to five
weeks. Today he said it's too soon to

weeks. Today he said it's too soon to

weeks. Today he said it's too soon to
know and tomorrow we'll be shooting for

know and tomorrow we'll be shooting for

know and tomorrow we'll be shooting for
Christmas. I guess however long it takes

Christmas. I guess however long it takes

Christmas. I guess however long it takes
until everyone stops talking about how

until everyone stops talking about how

until everyone stops talking about how
many times his name is in the Trump

many times his name is in the Trump

many times his name is in the Trump
Epstein files. That's how and one of the

Epstein files. That's how and one of the

Epstein files. That's how and one of the
concerns

one of the concerns that has been raised

one of the concerns that has been raised
is that dropping all these bombs could

is that dropping all these bombs could

is that dropping all these bombs could
deplete our weapons reserves and put us

deplete our weapons reserves and put us

deplete our weapons reserves and put us
in a tough spot if another conflict were

in a tough spot if another conflict were

in a tough spot if another conflict were
to arise somewhere else like if

to arise somewhere else like if

to arise somewhere else like if
Greenland decides to launch a preemptive

Greenland decides to launch a preemptive

Greenland decides to launch a preemptive
attack. There were reports that the

attack. There were reports that the

attack. There were reports that the
reason we've been moving so fast with

reason we've been moving so fast with

reason we've been moving so fast with
this is that they want to finish the job

this is that they want to finish the job

this is that they want to finish the job
before we run out of munitions. But

before we run out of munitions. But

before we run out of munitions. But
don't worry, President Donald J.

don't worry, President Donald J.

don't worry, President Donald J.
Rumsfeld says we are locked and loaded

Rumsfeld says we are locked and loaded

Rumsfeld says we are locked and loaded
for the long haul. He says the United

for the long haul. He says the United

for the long haul. He says the United
States munition stockpiles have at the

States munition stockpiles have at the

States munition stockpiles have at the
medium and upper medium grade never been

medium and upper medium grade never been

medium and upper medium grade never been
higher or better. As was stated to me

higher or better. As was stated to me

higher or better. As was stated to me
today, we have a virtually unlimited

today, we have a virtually unlimited

today, we have a virtually unlimited
supply of these weapons. Wars can be

supply of these weapons. Wars can be

supply of these weapons. Wars can be
fought forever and very successfully

fought forever and very successfully

fought forever and very successfully
using just these bugs. Oh, good. The war

using just these bugs. Oh, good. The war

using just these bugs. Oh, good. The war
can be fought forever. That's exactly

can be fought forever. That's exactly

can be fought forever. That's exactly
what we wanted to hear. Just like the

what we wanted to hear. Just like the

what we wanted to hear. Just like the
war, his stomach is fighting with his

war, his stomach is fighting with his

war, his stomach is fighting with his
pants. It will go belong.

pants. It will go belong.

pants. It will go belong.
Now listen, I'm not an expert in this,

Now listen, I'm not an expert in this,

Now listen, I'm not an expert in this,
but I'm pretty sure our military doesn't

but I'm pretty sure our military doesn't

but I'm pretty sure our military doesn't
have unlimited weapons. It's a

have unlimited weapons. It's a

have unlimited weapons. It's a
stockpile. It's not the buffet at the

stockpile. It's not the buffet at the

stockpile. It's not the buffet at the
Golden Corral. You know, last night I

Golden Corral. You know, last night I

Golden Corral. You know, last night I
mentioned that the only good thing I

mentioned that the only good thing I

mentioned that the only good thing I
could say about Trump before Saturday

could say about Trump before Saturday

could say about Trump before Saturday
anyway was that he didn't start any

anyway was that he didn't start any

anyway was that he didn't start any
wars. And I'm not the only one who felt

wars. And I'm not the only one who felt

wars. And I'm not the only one who felt
this way. We found this op-ed from the W

this way. We found this op-ed from the W

this way. We found this op-ed from the W
wall Wall Street Journal in 2023 written

wall Wall Street Journal in 2023 written

wall Wall Street Journal in 2023 written
by a senator who said he was endorsing

by a senator who said he was endorsing

by a senator who said he was endorsing
Trump because quote I know he won't

Trump because quote I know he won't

Trump because quote I know he won't
recklessly send Americans to fight

recklessly send Americans to fight

recklessly send Americans to fight
overseas. And that senator, you know who

overseas. And that senator, you know who

overseas. And that senator, you know who
that is? He's not a senator anymore. Now

that is? He's not a senator anymore. Now

that is? He's not a senator anymore. Now
he's the vice president. JD Vance, same

he's the vice president. JD Vance, same

he's the vice president. JD Vance, same
fellow who called Trump America's

fellow who called Trump America's

fellow who called Trump America's
Hitler. Good thing for JD, his boss does

Hitler. Good thing for JD, his boss does

Hitler. Good thing for JD, his boss does
not read, so he should be okay. This is

not read, so he should be okay. This is

not read, so he should be okay. This is
all very tricky

all very tricky

all very tricky
for Trump because his followers in the

for Trump because his followers in the

for Trump because his followers in the
MAGA verse most definitely did not vote

MAGA verse most definitely did not vote

MAGA verse most definitely did not vote
for this war. This is the opposite of

for this war. This is the opposite of

for this war. This is the opposite of
what Trump promised he would do. And so

what Trump promised he would do. And so

what Trump promised he would do. And so
now his nut jugglers are working

now his nut jugglers are working

now his nut jugglers are working
overtime to spin this in a positive way.

overtime to spin this in a positive way.

overtime to spin this in a positive way.
>> BB and Trump are the modern Roosevelt

>> BB and Trump are the modern Roosevelt

>> BB and Trump are the modern Roosevelt
Churchill combination.

Churchill combination.

Churchill combination.
BB and President Trump are Roosevelt

BB and President Trump are Roosevelt

BB and President Trump are Roosevelt
Churchill.

Churchill.

Churchill.
>> That's right. taken from Henry Ask

>> That's right. taken from Henry Ask

>> That's right. taken from Henry Ask
Kissinger. They are Roosevelt and

Kissinger. They are Roosevelt and

Kissinger. They are Roosevelt and
Churchill. I assume Trump is Does it go

Churchill. I assume Trump is Does it go

Churchill. I assume Trump is Does it go
by weight? Trump would be Churchill,

by weight? Trump would be Churchill,

by weight? Trump would be Churchill,
right? And then we have Senator Mark

right? And then we have Senator Mark

right? And then we have Senator Mark
Wayne Mullen from Oklahoma who doesn't

Wayne Mullen from Oklahoma who doesn't

Wayne Mullen from Oklahoma who doesn't
seem to know which country we bomb.

seem to know which country we bomb.

seem to know which country we bomb.
>> There's no question that Iraq or Iran

>> There's no question that Iraq or Iran

>> There's no question that Iraq or Iran
Iran clearly fits in that picture. It's

Iran clearly fits in that picture. It's

Iran clearly fits in that picture. It's
up to the Iraqi people or I'm sorry, the

up to the Iraqi people or I'm sorry, the

up to the Iraqi people or I'm sorry, the
Iranian people to declare war and ask

Iranian people to declare war and ask

Iranian people to declare war and ask
for Congress to declare war on Iraq.

for Congress to declare war on Iraq.

for Congress to declare war on Iraq.
Oops.

Oops.

Oops.
Has there ever been a Mark Wayneier

Has there ever been a Mark Wayneier

Has there ever been a Mark Wayneier
person than Mark Wayne?

person than Mark Wayne?

person than Mark Wayne?
>> And fortunately, you have uh President

>> And fortunately, you have uh President

>> And fortunately, you have uh President
Hexth or I say President HexF, Secretary

Hexth or I say President HexF, Secretary

Hexth or I say President HexF, Secretary
Hexf um that is got a great relationship

Hexf um that is got a great relationship

Hexf um that is got a great relationship
with President Trump. And President

with President Trump. And President

with President Trump. And President
Hex's been there.

Hex's been there.

Hex's been there.
>> Okay, now you're fired. Now you're in

>> Okay, now you're fired. Now you're in

>> Okay, now you're fired. Now you're in
trouble. These guys, they can't even get

trouble. These guys, they can't even get

trouble. These guys, they can't even get
their story straight. Uh, first, Trump

their story straight. Uh, first, Trump

their story straight. Uh, first, Trump
and his special envoy, Steve Whipov,

and his special envoy, Steve Whipov,

and his special envoy, Steve Whipov,
said Iran posed an imminent threat

said Iran posed an imminent threat

said Iran posed an imminent threat
because they were probably a week away

because they were probably a week away

because they were probably a week away
from having nuclear material and ICBMs

from having nuclear material and ICBMs

from having nuclear material and ICBMs
that could strike the United States. But

that could strike the United States. But

that could strike the United States. But
Marco Rubio, the Secretary of State,

Marco Rubio, the Secretary of State,

Marco Rubio, the Secretary of State,
said Iran was not enriching uranium. US

said Iran was not enriching uranium. US

said Iran was not enriching uranium. US
intelligence said they were still a

intelligence said they were still a

intelligence said they were still a
decade away from having long-range

decade away from having long-range

decade away from having long-range
missiles. Trump then floated the idea

missiles. Trump then floated the idea

missiles. Trump then floated the idea
that the war was about regime change,

that the war was about regime change,

that the war was about regime change,
while Pete Hexath was saying this wasn't

while Pete Hexath was saying this wasn't

while Pete Hexath was saying this wasn't
a war of regime change, even though the

a war of regime change, even though the

a war of regime change, even though the
regime did change. And yesterday, Marco

regime did change. And yesterday, Marco

regime did change. And yesterday, Marco
Rubio said, "We attacked because Israel

Rubio said, "We attacked because Israel

Rubio said, "We attacked because Israel
was about to attack Iran, so we had to

was about to attack Iran, so we had to

was about to attack Iran, so we had to
strike first." But today, Trump put the

strike first." But today, Trump put the

strike first." But today, Trump put the
kibash on that idea, saying, Israel did

kibash on that idea, saying, Israel did

kibash on that idea, saying, Israel did
not force his hand, and if anything, he

not force his hand, and if anything, he

not force his hand, and if anything, he
forced their hand. And they can't even

forced their hand. And they can't even

forced their hand. And they can't even
agree on whether or not this is a war.

agree on whether or not this is a war.

agree on whether or not this is a war.
Trump keeps calling it a war, whereas

Trump keeps calling it a war, whereas

Trump keeps calling it a war, whereas
his minions in Congress like Anna

his minions in Congress like Anna

his minions in Congress like Anna
Paulina lunatic and the always confused

Paulina lunatic and the always confused

Paulina lunatic and the always confused
Mark Wayne Mullen are saying it ain't.

Mark Wayne Mullen are saying it ain't.

Mark Wayne Mullen are saying it ain't.
Are there measures being taken not to

Are there measures being taken not to

Are there measures being taken not to
eliminate other possible uh alternatives

eliminate other possible uh alternatives

eliminate other possible uh alternatives
to leadership?

to leadership?

to leadership?
>> This is war and we're taking out the

>> This is war and we're taking out the

>> This is war and we're taking out the
threat.

threat.

threat.
>> Did we talk about

>> Did we talk about

>> Did we talk about
>> you'll concede this is war?

>> you'll concede this is war?

>> you'll concede this is war?
>> We haven't declared war. They declared

>> We haven't declared war. They declared

>> We haven't declared war. They declared
war on us but we haven't

war on us but we haven't

war on us but we haven't
>> war. Secretary

>> war. Secretary

>> war. Secretary
just now you said this this is war.

just now you said this this is war.

just now you said this this is war.
>> They called it war. What I was saying

>> They called it war. What I was saying

>> They called it war. What I was saying
okay well that was a misspoke. What I

okay well that was a misspoke. What I

okay well that was a misspoke. What I
was saying they declared war on us but

was saying they declared war on us but

was saying they declared war on us but
but war is ugly.

but war is ugly.

but war is ugly.
>> Oh Mark Wayne you you done mix yourself

>> Oh Mark Wayne you you done mix yourself

>> Oh Mark Wayne you you done mix yourself
up again. Broadway Mullen. Earlier in

up again. Broadway Mullen. Earlier in

up again. Broadway Mullen. Earlier in
the day today, he was talking about the

the day today, he was talking about the

the day today, he was talking about the
smell of war, and I was interested in

smell of war, and I was interested in

smell of war, and I was interested in
hearing him talk about it. He said, "You

hearing him talk about it. He said, "You

hearing him talk about it. He said, "You
can taste it." He said, "It fills your

can taste it." He said, "It fills your

can taste it." He said, "It fills your
nostrils and you never forget it." I

nostrils and you never forget it." I

nostrils and you never forget it." I
thought it was fascinating until I found

thought it was fascinating until I found

thought it was fascinating until I found
out he was not in the military. He was

out he was not in the military. He was

out he was not in the military. He was
He was a plumber before this. He took

He was a plumber before this. He took

He was a plumber before this. He took
over his father's plumbing business.

over his father's plumbing business.

over his father's plumbing business.
That smell wasn't war. It was a septic

That smell wasn't war. It was a septic

That smell wasn't war. It was a septic
tank that he plunged. What a crew.

tank that he plunged. What a crew.

tank that he plunged. What a crew.
Meanwhile, the president is ending

Meanwhile, the president is ending

Meanwhile, the president is ending
another war, which I think would be his

another war, which I think would be his

another war, which I think would be his
10th, with the White House

10th, with the White House

10th, with the White House
correspondents dinner. Trump is planning

correspondents dinner. Trump is planning

correspondents dinner. Trump is planning
to attend the formerly annual event for

to attend the formerly annual event for

to attend the formerly annual event for
the first time as president. He wrote,

the first time as president. He wrote,

the first time as president. He wrote,
"The White House Correspondents

"The White House Correspondents

"The White House Correspondents
Association has asked me very nicely to

Association has asked me very nicely to

Association has asked me very nicely to
be the honore at this year's dinner."

be the honore at this year's dinner."

be the honore at this year's dinner."
Wow. The honore. The president is the

Wow. The honore. The president is the

Wow. The honore. The president is the
honore at every White House

honore at every White House

honore at every White House
correspondents dinner. It's why they

correspondents dinner. It's why they

correspondents dinner. It's why they
call it the White House correspondence

call it the White House correspondence

call it the White House correspondence
dinner and not the big mama's house

dinner and not the big mama's house

dinner and not the big mama's house
correspondents dinner. If it was the big

correspondents dinner. If it was the big

correspondents dinner. If it was the big
mama's house dinner, the honore would be

mama's house dinner, the honore would be

mama's house dinner, the honore would be
big mama. But since it is the White

big mama. But since it is the White

big mama. But since it is the White
House, it's you. But I digress. The

House, it's you. But I digress. The

House, it's you. But I digress. The
dinner is a long and story tradition

dinner is a long and story tradition

dinner is a long and story tradition
since it began in 1924 under then

since it began in 1924 under then

since it began in 1924 under then
President Calvin Culage in honor of our

President Calvin Culage in honor of our

President Calvin Culage in honor of our
nation's 250th birthday and the fact

nation's 250th birthday and the fact

nation's 250th birthday and the fact
that these correspondents now admit that

that these correspondents now admit that

that these correspondents now admit that
I am truly one of the greatest

I am truly one of the greatest

I am truly one of the greatest
presidents in the history of our

presidents in the history of our

presidents in the history of our
country. the goat. According to many, it

country. the goat. According to many, it

country. the goat. According to many, it
will be my honor to accept their

will be my honor to accept their

will be my honor to accept their
invitation and work to make it the

invitation and work to make it the

invitation and work to make it the
greatest, hottest, and most spectacular

greatest, hottest, and most spectacular

greatest, hottest, and most spectacular
dinner of any kind ever.

dinner of any kind ever.

dinner of any kind ever.
Can you imagine? You just started a war

Can you imagine? You just started a war

Can you imagine? You just started a war
on another country and this is what

on another country and this is what

on another country and this is what
you're posting about today. Also, I have

you're posting about today. Also, I have

you're posting about today. Also, I have
some bad news. When they call you the

some bad news. When they call you the

some bad news. When they call you the
goat, it isn't an acronym.

goat, it isn't an acronym.

goat, it isn't an acronym.
It's an animal. It's an animal that eats

It's an animal. It's an animal that eats

It's an animal. It's an animal that eats
garbage.

garbage.

garbage.
You know, the dinner is traditionally

You know, the dinner is traditionally

You know, the dinner is traditionally
hosted by a comedian. Al Franken hosted

hosted by a comedian. Al Franken hosted

hosted by a comedian. Al Franken hosted
it. Ray Romano, uh, Seth Meyers, John

it. Ray Romano, uh, Seth Meyers, John

it. Ray Romano, uh, Seth Meyers, John
Stewart, Conan, Wind of Sykes. I Googled

Stewart, Conan, Wind of Sykes. I Googled

Stewart, Conan, Wind of Sykes. I Googled
it this morning. Turns out I even hosted

it this morning. Turns out I even hosted

it this morning. Turns out I even hosted
it back in 2012. This year, I guess

it back in 2012. This year, I guess

it back in 2012. This year, I guess
Trump didn't want to be made fun of by a

Trump didn't want to be made fun of by a

Trump didn't want to be made fun of by a
comedian. So, the host is a mentalist.

comedian. So, the host is a mentalist.

comedian. So, the host is a mentalist.
We'll have a mentalist and a mental case

We'll have a mentalist and a mental case

We'll have a mentalist and a mental case
on stage together. The mentalist is a

on stage together. The mentalist is a

on stage together. The mentalist is a
guy named O Pearlman. He's an amazing

guy named O Pearlman. He's an amazing

guy named O Pearlman. He's an amazing
performer and I'm sure he'll be able to

performer and I'm sure he'll be able to

performer and I'm sure he'll be able to
predict what Trump isn't thinking, but

predict what Trump isn't thinking, but

predict what Trump isn't thinking, but
this feels like a copout to me and I I

this feels like a copout to me and I I

this feels like a copout to me and I I
want to address the president directly

want to address the president directly

want to address the president directly
on this. Um, Mr. President, please let

on this. Um, Mr. President, please let

on this. Um, Mr. President, please let
me host this dinner. I've never asked

me host this dinner. I've never asked

me host this dinner. I've never asked
you for anything. But can you imagine

you for anything. But can you imagine

you for anything. But can you imagine
you, me, the commissioner of the FCC all

you, me, the commissioner of the FCC all

you, me, the commissioner of the FCC all
at a table together? Think of the

at a table together? Think of the

at a table together? Think of the
ratings. I'll even throw in an award.

ratings. I'll even throw in an award.

ratings. I'll even throw in an award.
You like award, I'll give you a brand

You like award, I'll give you a brand

You like award, I'll give you a brand
new award. The corresponding. the Dundee

new award. The corresponding. the Dundee

new award. The corresponding. the Dundee
corresponding. No one will ever get up

corresponding. No one will ever get up

corresponding. No one will ever get up
besides you. Please give the people what

besides you. Please give the people what

besides you. Please give the people what
they want for once. This is our destiny

they want for once. This is our destiny

they want for once. This is our destiny
together. You and me. Think about it.

together. You and me. Think about it.

together. You and me. Think about it.
Let's make it the greatest, hottest,

Let's make it the greatest, hottest,

Let's make it the greatest, hottest,
most spectacular dinner of any kind

most spectacular dinner of any kind

most spectacular dinner of any kind
ever.

Maybe he's worried I'll make fun of his

Maybe he's worried I'll make fun of his
blotches. I don't know. Man, oh man. You

blotches. I don't know. Man, oh man. You

blotches. I don't know. Man, oh man. You
know, we spent a lot of time trying to

know, we spent a lot of time trying to

know, we spent a lot of time trying to
figure out what's going on in the

figure out what's going on in the

figure out what's going on in the
president's head. I am now wondering

president's head. I am now wondering

president's head. I am now wondering
what is happening on top of it. I have

what is happening on top of it. I have

what is happening on top of it. I have
This photo just came out. I've never

This photo just came out. I've never

This photo just came out. I've never
seen three different parts on one hair.

seen three different parts on one hair.

seen three different parts on one hair.
It's a comb over, a comb under, and a

It's a comb over, a comb under, and a

It's a comb over, a comb under, and a
comb around all there together with a

comb around all there together with a

comb around all there together with a
little Gulf of America. A little heart

little Gulf of America. A little heart

little Gulf of America. A little heart
shape in there. And then his makeup is

shape in there. And then his makeup is

shape in there. And then his makeup is
so orange. And it would appear that

so orange. And it would appear that

so orange. And it would appear that
someone forgot to bronze his jowls. He's

someone forgot to bronze his jowls. He's

someone forgot to bronze his jowls. He's
got he's got this wild hair. He's got

got he's got this wild hair. He's got

got he's got this wild hair. He's got
swollen legs. He's got orange skin. It's

swollen legs. He's got orange skin. It's

swollen legs. He's got orange skin. It's
like we're watching him transform into

like we're watching him transform into

like we're watching him transform into
gritty before our very eyes. And if that

gritty before our very eyes. And if that

gritty before our very eyes. And if that
wasn't enough,

wasn't enough,

wasn't enough,
he now has I don't know if you've seen

he now has I don't know if you've seen

he now has I don't know if you've seen
it, he has a big red gross mark on his

it, he has a big red gross mark on his

it, he has a big red gross mark on his
neck. Who knew diaper rash could go up

neck. Who knew diaper rash could go up

neck. Who knew diaper rash could go up
that high?

that high?

that high?
Trump's doctor actually issued a

Trump's doctor actually issued a

Trump's doctor actually issued a
statement that said, "President Trump is

statement that said, "President Trump is

statement that said, "President Trump is
using a very common cream on the right

using a very common cream on the right

using a very common cream on the right
side of his neck, which is a

side of his neck, which is a

side of his neck, which is a
preventative skin treatment prescribed

preventative skin treatment prescribed

preventative skin treatment prescribed
by the White House doctor." A very

by the White House doctor." A very

by the White House doctor." A very
common cream. If it's so common, why

common cream. If it's so common, why

common cream. If it's so common, why
don't you tell us what cream it is so we

don't you tell us what cream it is so we

don't you tell us what cream it is so we
can not put it on our necks? Cuz one

can not put it on our necks? Cuz one

can not put it on our necks? Cuz one
thing we know for sure, it's not a

thing we know for sure, it's not a

thing we know for sure, it's not a
hickey from Melania. It's It's probably

hickey from Melania. It's It's probably

hickey from Melania. It's It's probably
a vampire bite from Rudy Giuliani or

a vampire bite from Rudy Giuliani or

a vampire bite from Rudy Giuliani or
something. But I know every day our our

something. But I know every day our our

something. But I know every day our our
president looks more like Pizza the Hut

president looks more like Pizza the Hut

president looks more like Pizza the Hut
from Space Balls. And now he's trying to

from Space Balls. And now he's trying to

from Space Balls. And now he's trying to
cover the thing. Today he added a thick

cover the thing. Today he added a thick

cover the thing. Today he added a thick
layer of paint to the adding yet another

layer of paint to the adding yet another

layer of paint to the adding yet another
swatch to his never- ending color

swatch to his never- ending color

swatch to his never- ending color
palette. Speaking of coverups, I don't

palette. Speaking of coverups, I don't

palette. Speaking of coverups, I don't
know if I mentioned the Trump Epstein

know if I mentioned the Trump Epstein

know if I mentioned the Trump Epstein
files. Did I? Oh, yes. Let's not forget

files. Did I? Oh, yes. Let's not forget

files. Did I? Oh, yes. Let's not forget
those.

those.

those.
We do not want to forget those. The

We do not want to forget those. The

We do not want to forget those. The
House Oversight Committee released

House Oversight Committee released

House Oversight Committee released
footage of both Bill and Hillary

footage of both Bill and Hillary

footage of both Bill and Hillary
Clinton's depositions, including this

Clinton's depositions, including this

Clinton's depositions, including this
exchange with Congresswoman Lauren

exchange with Congresswoman Lauren

exchange with Congresswoman Lauren
Boowbert, who used some of her time to

Boowbert, who used some of her time to

Boowbert, who used some of her time to
ask the former Secretary of State

ask the former Secretary of State

ask the former Secretary of State
Hillary Clinton about Pizzagate.

Hillary Clinton about Pizzagate.

Hillary Clinton about Pizzagate.
>> Your question is about whether or not

>> Your question is about whether or not

>> Your question is about whether or not
she has reviewed any emails in the

she has reviewed any emails in the

she has reviewed any emails in the
Epstein release files about Pizzagate.

Epstein release files about Pizzagate.

Epstein release files about Pizzagate.
>> Correct.

>> Correct.

>> Correct.
>> Pizzagate was totally made up. I can't

>> Pizzagate was totally made up. I can't

>> Pizzagate was totally made up. I can't
believe you're even referencing it. You

believe you're even referencing it. You

believe you're even referencing it. You
should be

should be

should be
>> there. There are connections to the the

>> there. There are connections to the the

>> there. There are connections to the the
language.

language.

language.
>> Qanodon people believe there are. So

>> Qanodon people believe there are. So

>> Qanodon people believe there are. So
>> I don't know what people believe at it.

>> I don't know what people believe at it.

>> I don't know what people believe at it.
>> You know, the last time somebody told

>> You know, the last time somebody told

>> You know, the last time somebody told
Lauren Bober to have at it, Beetlejuice

Lauren Bober to have at it, Beetlejuice

Lauren Bober to have at it, Beetlejuice
had to take an unscheduled intermission.

had to take an unscheduled intermission.

had to take an unscheduled intermission.
>> Mrs. Clinton was not amused by Lauren

>> Mrs. Clinton was not amused by Lauren

>> Mrs. Clinton was not amused by Lauren
Cubert asking her about this weird

Cubert asking her about this weird

Cubert asking her about this weird
nonsensical fairy tale. But she was more

nonsensical fairy tale. But she was more

nonsensical fairy tale. But she was more
comfortable when asked about Jeffrey

comfortable when asked about Jeffrey

comfortable when asked about Jeffrey
Epstein himself. There are many files

Epstein himself. There are many files

Epstein himself. There are many files
where Jeffrey Epstein seems to speak as

where Jeffrey Epstein seems to speak as

where Jeffrey Epstein seems to speak as
though he does know you personally. He

though he does know you personally. He

though he does know you personally. He
quotes, "Hey, Hillary Clinton is much

quotes, "Hey, Hillary Clinton is much

quotes, "Hey, Hillary Clinton is much
prettier in person." This was Tuesday,

prettier in person." This was Tuesday,

prettier in person." This was Tuesday,
September 20th, 2011.

September 20th, 2011.

September 20th, 2011.
And then another I'm not going to object

And then another I'm not going to object

And then another I'm not going to object
to that.

>> Guess MC didn't have a type. Where was

>> Guess MC didn't have a type. Where was
that Hillary in 2016?

that Hillary in 2016?

that Hillary in 2016?
Then it was Hillary's turn to question

Then it was Hillary's turn to question

Then it was Hillary's turn to question
the questioners about the fact that she

the questioners about the fact that she

the questioners about the fact that she
and her husband were asked to testify,

and her husband were asked to testify,

and her husband were asked to testify,
whereas Epstein's BFF was not.

whereas Epstein's BFF was not.

whereas Epstein's BFF was not.
>> Reasonable people

>> Reasonable people

>> Reasonable people
would have to assume they are engaged in

would have to assume they are engaged in

would have to assume they are engaged in
a massive coverup. As an American, as a

a massive coverup. As an American, as a

a massive coverup. As an American, as a
citizen, all of us should be, regardless

citizen, all of us should be, regardless

citizen, all of us should be, regardless
of party, wondering what are they

of party, wondering what are they

of party, wondering what are they
hiding. The president of the United

hiding. The president of the United

hiding. The president of the United
States is not above the law. and should

States is not above the law. and should

States is not above the law. and should
be in a setting like this answering

be in a setting like this answering

be in a setting like this answering
questions under oath.

questions under oath.

questions under oath.
>> I don't know. I Hey, listen. The

>> I don't know. I Hey, listen. The

>> I don't know. I Hey, listen. The
president is very busy right now picking

president is very busy right now picking

president is very busy right now picking
out table runners for his new ballroom,

out table runners for his new ballroom,

out table runners for his new ballroom,
so lay off. But happy Women's History

so lay off. But happy Women's History

so lay off. But happy Women's History
Month, everybody. You know, March is

Month, everybody. You know, March is

Month, everybody. You know, March is
Women's History Month. And of course, no

Women's History Month. And of course, no

Women's History Month. And of course, no
one loves women more than our fearless

one loves women more than our fearless

one loves women more than our fearless
leader. With that said, we've collected

leader. With that said, we've collected

leader. With that said, we've collected
some of the many wonderful sentiments

some of the many wonderful sentiments

some of the many wonderful sentiments
our president has shared about America's

our president has shared about America's

our president has shared about America's
mothers, sisters, daughters, reporters,

mothers, sisters, daughters, reporters,

mothers, sisters, daughters, reporters,
and future ex-wives to bring you this

and future ex-wives to bring you this

and future ex-wives to bring you this
tribute to women from our first

tribute to women from our first

tribute to women from our first
feminist.

feminist.

feminist.
>> Not the most obnoxious reporter in the

>> Not the most obnoxious reporter in the

>> Not the most obnoxious reporter in the
whole place. Actually, a terrible

whole place. Actually, a terrible

whole place. Actually, a terrible
reporter.

reporter.

reporter.
>> What a stupid question. You ask a lot of

>> What a stupid question. You ask a lot of

>> What a stupid question. You ask a lot of
stupid questions. Are you stupid? Are

stupid questions. Are you stupid? Are

stupid questions. Are you stupid? Are
you a stupid person? You're a terrible

you a stupid person? You're a terrible

you a stupid person? You're a terrible
person and a terrible reporter.

person and a terrible reporter.

person and a terrible reporter.
>> I have two questions, Mr.

>> I have two questions, Mr.

>> I have two questions, Mr.
>> Next. Next, please. You are the worst

>> Next. Next, please. You are the worst

>> Next. Next, please. You are the worst
reporter. I don't think I've ever seen

reporter. I don't think I've ever seen

reporter. I don't think I've ever seen
you smile. You're so disgraceful. You

you smile. You're so disgraceful. You

you smile. You're so disgraceful. You
know you're a fake.

know you're a fake.

know you're a fake.
>> I got a perfect mark, which you would be

>> I got a perfect mark, which you would be

>> I got a perfect mark, which you would be
incapable of doing.

incapable of doing.

incapable of doing.
>> We're gonna have to bring the woman's

>> We're gonna have to bring the woman's

>> We're gonna have to bring the woman's
team. You do know that.

team. You do know that.

team. You do know that.
>> And when you're a star, they let you do

>> And when you're a star, they let you do

>> And when you're a star, they let you do
it. You can do anything.

it. You can do anything.

it. You can do anything.
>> You dropped to your knees.

>> You dropped to your knees.

>> You dropped to your knees.
>> Yes.

>> Yes.

>> Yes.
>> See a pretty picture. You dropped.

>> See a pretty picture. You dropped.

>> See a pretty picture. You dropped.
>> A person who's flatchested is very hard

>> A person who's flatchested is very hard

>> A person who's flatchested is very hard
to be a 10.

to be a 10.

to be a 10.
>> SHE WOULD NOT BE MY FIRST CHOICE.

>> SHE WOULD NOT BE MY FIRST CHOICE.

>> SHE WOULD NOT BE MY FIRST CHOICE.
>> I wouldn't want to go home to her.

>> I wouldn't want to go home to her.

>> I wouldn't want to go home to her.
>> You could see there was blood coming out

>> You could see there was blood coming out

>> You could see there was blood coming out
of her wherever.

of her wherever.

of her wherever.
>> There has to be some form of punishment

>> There has to be some form of punishment

>> There has to be some form of punishment
>> for the woman.

>> for the woman.

>> for the woman.
>> Yeah. Rosie O'Donald's disgusting. That

>> Yeah. Rosie O'Donald's disgusting. That

>> Yeah. Rosie O'Donald's disgusting. That
fat, ugly face of hers.

fat, ugly face of hers.

fat, ugly face of hers.
>> You're a stupid person.

>> You're a stupid person.

>> You're a stupid person.
>> Quiet. Pocahontas. Horseface. Horseface.

>> Quiet. Pocahontas. Horseface. Horseface.

>> Quiet. Pocahontas. Horseface. Horseface.
She's a low IQ person.

She's a low IQ person.

She's a low IQ person.
>> Angry woman.

>> Angry woman.

>> Angry woman.
>> Nasty woman. Vicious. Horrible person.

>> Nasty woman. Vicious. Horrible person.

>> Nasty woman. Vicious. Horrible person.
Such a nasty woman. Nobody has more

Such a nasty woman. Nobody has more

Such a nasty woman. Nobody has more
respect for women than I do. Nobody.

respect for women than I do. Nobody.

respect for women than I do. Nobody.
>> Now they're making Ghostbusters with

>> Now they're making Ghostbusters with

>> Now they're making Ghostbusters with
only women. What's going on?

only women. What's going on?

only women. What's going on?
>> That's right. Melania is a very lucky

>> That's right. Melania is a very lucky

>> That's right. Melania is a very lucky
lady. We have a good show for you

lady. We have a good show for you

lady. We have a good show for you
tonight. We have music from the head and

tonight. We have music from the head and

tonight. We have music from the head and
the heart. And we'll be right back with

the heart. And we'll be right back with

the heart. And we'll be right back with
Governor Gavin Newsome. So stick around.