Original subtitles

I'm Jimmy. I'm the host. Thanks for

I'm Jimmy. I'm the host. Thanks for

I'm Jimmy. I'm the host. Thanks for watching. Thank you for joining forces

watching. Thank you for joining forces

watching. Thank you for joining forces with us tonight. We are coming to you

with us tonight. We are coming to you

with us tonight. We are coming to you from our home in Hollywood. We are We

from our home in Hollywood. We are We

from our home in Hollywood. We are We have a big show tonight. We with a man

have a big show tonight. We with a man

have a big show tonight. We with a man who might be the 48th president of the

who might be the 48th president of the

who might be the 48th president of the United States one of these days.

United States one of these days.

United States one of these days. Governor

Governor

Governor Governor Gavin Nuome is here. G, did you

Governor Gavin Nuome is here. G, did you

Governor Gavin Nuome is here. G, did you bring all your parking tickets to have

bring all your parking tickets to have

bring all your parking tickets to have them uh voided like I told you to?

them uh voided like I told you to?

them uh voided like I told you to? >> I did. I I already gave it to him in the

>> I did. I I already gave it to him in the

>> I did. I I already gave it to him in the green room. You know, Gavin Newsome

green room. You know, Gavin Newsome

green room. You know, Gavin Newsome might be the only guy who wears more

might be the only guy who wears more

might be the only guy who wears more hair gel than you do. I don't know.

hair gel than you do. I don't know.

hair gel than you do. I don't know. >> I don't know about that.

>> I don't know about that.

>> I don't know about that. >> Anyway, Governor Nome will be here

>> Anyway, Governor Nome will be here

>> Anyway, Governor Nome will be here shortly. And if you're watching in bed

shortly. And if you're watching in bed

shortly. And if you're watching in bed at the White House, you might want to

at the White House, you might want to

at the White House, you might want to stay up cuz we are definitely going to

stay up cuz we are definitely going to

stay up cuz we are definitely going to be talking about you, girl. Okay.

President Donald Trump did find time

President Donald Trump did find time

President Donald Trump did find time between bombings yesterday to post what

between bombings yesterday to post what

between bombings yesterday to post what the New York Post called apocalyptic

the New York Post called apocalyptic

the New York Post called apocalyptic footage of San Francisco under Gavin

footage of San Francisco under Gavin

footage of San Francisco under Gavin Newsome. The Lyatollah is pulling out

Newsome. The Lyatollah is pulling out

Newsome. The Lyatollah is pulling out all the stops lately. Team Trump was on

all the stops lately. Team Trump was on

all the stops lately. Team Trump was on Capitol Hill today to brief Congress

Capitol Hill today to brief Congress

Capitol Hill today to brief Congress about the strikes on Iran. Usually that

about the strikes on Iran. Usually that

about the strikes on Iran. Usually that happens before we invade a country, but

happens before we invade a country, but

happens before we invade a country, but technically only Congress has the power

technically only Congress has the power

technically only Congress has the power to declare war. But also technically

to declare war. But also technically

to declare war. But also technically you're supposed to get a permit to tear

you're supposed to get a permit to tear

you're supposed to get a permit to tear down the east wing of the White House

down the east wing of the White House

down the east wing of the White House and they're not going to get bogged down

and they're not going to get bogged down

and they're not going to get bogged down in technically with this group. The

in technically with this group. The

in technically with this group. The president sent a letter to lawmakers in

president sent a letter to lawmakers in

president sent a letter to lawmakers in which he claimed that it is too soon to

which he claimed that it is too soon to

which he claimed that it is too soon to know the full scope and duration of this

know the full scope and duration of this

know the full scope and duration of this conflict. Now on Sunday he said it could

conflict. Now on Sunday he said it could

conflict. Now on Sunday he said it could last four to five weeks. Yesterday he

last four to five weeks. Yesterday he

last four to five weeks. Yesterday he said it could be more than four to five

said it could be more than four to five

said it could be more than four to five weeks. Today he said it's too soon to

weeks. Today he said it's too soon to

weeks. Today he said it's too soon to know and tomorrow we'll be shooting for

know and tomorrow we'll be shooting for

know and tomorrow we'll be shooting for Christmas. I guess however long it takes

Christmas. I guess however long it takes

Christmas. I guess however long it takes until everyone stops talking about how

until everyone stops talking about how

until everyone stops talking about how many times his name is in the Trump

many times his name is in the Trump

many times his name is in the Trump Epstein files. That's how and one of the

Epstein files. That's how and one of the

Epstein files. That's how and one of the concerns

one of the concerns that has been raised

one of the concerns that has been raised

one of the concerns that has been raised is that dropping all these bombs could

is that dropping all these bombs could

is that dropping all these bombs could deplete our weapons reserves and put us

deplete our weapons reserves and put us

deplete our weapons reserves and put us in a tough spot if another conflict were

in a tough spot if another conflict were

in a tough spot if another conflict were to arise somewhere else like if

to arise somewhere else like if

to arise somewhere else like if Greenland decides to launch a preemptive

Greenland decides to launch a preemptive

Greenland decides to launch a preemptive attack. There were reports that the

attack. There were reports that the

attack. There were reports that the reason we've been moving so fast with

reason we've been moving so fast with

reason we've been moving so fast with this is that they want to finish the job

this is that they want to finish the job

this is that they want to finish the job before we run out of munitions. But

before we run out of munitions. But

before we run out of munitions. But don't worry, President Donald J.

don't worry, President Donald J.

don't worry, President Donald J. Rumsfeld says we are locked and loaded

Rumsfeld says we are locked and loaded

Rumsfeld says we are locked and loaded for the long haul. He says the United

for the long haul. He says the United

for the long haul. He says the United States munition stockpiles have at the

States munition stockpiles have at the

States munition stockpiles have at the medium and upper medium grade never been

medium and upper medium grade never been

medium and upper medium grade never been higher or better. As was stated to me

higher or better. As was stated to me

higher or better. As was stated to me today, we have a virtually unlimited

today, we have a virtually unlimited

today, we have a virtually unlimited supply of these weapons. Wars can be

supply of these weapons. Wars can be

supply of these weapons. Wars can be fought forever and very successfully

fought forever and very successfully

fought forever and very successfully using just these bugs. Oh, good. The war

using just these bugs. Oh, good. The war

using just these bugs. Oh, good. The war can be fought forever. That's exactly

can be fought forever. That's exactly

can be fought forever. That's exactly what we wanted to hear. Just like the

what we wanted to hear. Just like the

what we wanted to hear. Just like the war, his stomach is fighting with his

war, his stomach is fighting with his

war, his stomach is fighting with his pants. It will go belong.

pants. It will go belong.

pants. It will go belong. Now listen, I'm not an expert in this,

Now listen, I'm not an expert in this,

Now listen, I'm not an expert in this, but I'm pretty sure our military doesn't

but I'm pretty sure our military doesn't

but I'm pretty sure our military doesn't have unlimited weapons. It's a

have unlimited weapons. It's a

have unlimited weapons. It's a stockpile. It's not the buffet at the

stockpile. It's not the buffet at the

stockpile. It's not the buffet at the Golden Corral. You know, last night I

Golden Corral. You know, last night I

Golden Corral. You know, last night I mentioned that the only good thing I

mentioned that the only good thing I

mentioned that the only good thing I could say about Trump before Saturday

could say about Trump before Saturday

could say about Trump before Saturday anyway was that he didn't start any

anyway was that he didn't start any

anyway was that he didn't start any wars. And I'm not the only one who felt

wars. And I'm not the only one who felt

wars. And I'm not the only one who felt this way. We found this op-ed from the W

this way. We found this op-ed from the W

this way. We found this op-ed from the W wall Wall Street Journal in 2023 written

wall Wall Street Journal in 2023 written

wall Wall Street Journal in 2023 written by a senator who said he was endorsing

by a senator who said he was endorsing

by a senator who said he was endorsing Trump because quote I know he won't

Trump because quote I know he won't

Trump because quote I know he won't recklessly send Americans to fight

recklessly send Americans to fight

recklessly send Americans to fight overseas. And that senator, you know who

overseas. And that senator, you know who

overseas. And that senator, you know who that is? He's not a senator anymore. Now

that is? He's not a senator anymore. Now

that is? He's not a senator anymore. Now he's the vice president. JD Vance, same

he's the vice president. JD Vance, same

he's the vice president. JD Vance, same fellow who called Trump America's

fellow who called Trump America's

fellow who called Trump America's Hitler. Good thing for JD, his boss does

Hitler. Good thing for JD, his boss does

Hitler. Good thing for JD, his boss does not read, so he should be okay. This is

not read, so he should be okay. This is

not read, so he should be okay. This is all very tricky

all very tricky

all very tricky for Trump because his followers in the

for Trump because his followers in the

for Trump because his followers in the MAGA verse most definitely did not vote

MAGA verse most definitely did not vote

MAGA verse most definitely did not vote for this war. This is the opposite of

for this war. This is the opposite of

for this war. This is the opposite of what Trump promised he would do. And so

what Trump promised he would do. And so

what Trump promised he would do. And so now his nut jugglers are working

now his nut jugglers are working

now his nut jugglers are working overtime to spin this in a positive way.

overtime to spin this in a positive way.

overtime to spin this in a positive way. >> BB and Trump are the modern Roosevelt

>> BB and Trump are the modern Roosevelt

>> BB and Trump are the modern Roosevelt Churchill combination.

Churchill combination.

Churchill combination. BB and President Trump are Roosevelt

BB and President Trump are Roosevelt

BB and President Trump are Roosevelt Churchill.

Churchill.

Churchill. >> That's right. taken from Henry Ask

>> That's right. taken from Henry Ask

>> That's right. taken from Henry Ask Kissinger. They are Roosevelt and

Kissinger. They are Roosevelt and

Kissinger. They are Roosevelt and Churchill. I assume Trump is Does it go

Churchill. I assume Trump is Does it go

Churchill. I assume Trump is Does it go by weight? Trump would be Churchill,

by weight? Trump would be Churchill,

by weight? Trump would be Churchill, right? And then we have Senator Mark

right? And then we have Senator Mark

right? And then we have Senator Mark Wayne Mullen from Oklahoma who doesn't

Wayne Mullen from Oklahoma who doesn't

Wayne Mullen from Oklahoma who doesn't seem to know which country we bomb.

seem to know which country we bomb.

seem to know which country we bomb. >> There's no question that Iraq or Iran

>> There's no question that Iraq or Iran

>> There's no question that Iraq or Iran Iran clearly fits in that picture. It's

Iran clearly fits in that picture. It's

Iran clearly fits in that picture. It's up to the Iraqi people or I'm sorry, the

up to the Iraqi people or I'm sorry, the

up to the Iraqi people or I'm sorry, the Iranian people to declare war and ask

Iranian people to declare war and ask

Iranian people to declare war and ask for Congress to declare war on Iraq.

for Congress to declare war on Iraq.

for Congress to declare war on Iraq. Oops.

Oops.

Oops. Has there ever been a Mark Wayneier

Has there ever been a Mark Wayneier

Has there ever been a Mark Wayneier person than Mark Wayne?

person than Mark Wayne?

person than Mark Wayne? >> And fortunately, you have uh President

>> And fortunately, you have uh President

>> And fortunately, you have uh President Hexth or I say President HexF, Secretary

Hexth or I say President HexF, Secretary

Hexth or I say President HexF, Secretary Hexf um that is got a great relationship

Hexf um that is got a great relationship

Hexf um that is got a great relationship with President Trump. And President

with President Trump. And President

with President Trump. And President Hex's been there.

Hex's been there.

Hex's been there. >> Okay, now you're fired. Now you're in

>> Okay, now you're fired. Now you're in

>> Okay, now you're fired. Now you're in trouble. These guys, they can't even get

trouble. These guys, they can't even get

trouble. These guys, they can't even get their story straight. Uh, first, Trump

their story straight. Uh, first, Trump

their story straight. Uh, first, Trump and his special envoy, Steve Whipov,

and his special envoy, Steve Whipov,

and his special envoy, Steve Whipov, said Iran posed an imminent threat

said Iran posed an imminent threat

said Iran posed an imminent threat because they were probably a week away

because they were probably a week away

because they were probably a week away from having nuclear material and ICBMs

from having nuclear material and ICBMs

from having nuclear material and ICBMs that could strike the United States. But

that could strike the United States. But

that could strike the United States. But Marco Rubio, the Secretary of State,

Marco Rubio, the Secretary of State,

Marco Rubio, the Secretary of State, said Iran was not enriching uranium. US

said Iran was not enriching uranium. US

said Iran was not enriching uranium. US intelligence said they were still a

intelligence said they were still a

intelligence said they were still a decade away from having long-range

decade away from having long-range

decade away from having long-range missiles. Trump then floated the idea

missiles. Trump then floated the idea

missiles. Trump then floated the idea that the war was about regime change,

that the war was about regime change,

that the war was about regime change, while Pete Hexath was saying this wasn't

while Pete Hexath was saying this wasn't

while Pete Hexath was saying this wasn't a war of regime change, even though the

a war of regime change, even though the

a war of regime change, even though the regime did change. And yesterday, Marco

regime did change. And yesterday, Marco

regime did change. And yesterday, Marco Rubio said, "We attacked because Israel

Rubio said, "We attacked because Israel

Rubio said, "We attacked because Israel was about to attack Iran, so we had to

was about to attack Iran, so we had to

was about to attack Iran, so we had to strike first." But today, Trump put the

strike first." But today, Trump put the

strike first." But today, Trump put the kibash on that idea, saying, Israel did

kibash on that idea, saying, Israel did

kibash on that idea, saying, Israel did not force his hand, and if anything, he

not force his hand, and if anything, he

not force his hand, and if anything, he forced their hand. And they can't even

forced their hand. And they can't even

forced their hand. And they can't even agree on whether or not this is a war.

agree on whether or not this is a war.

agree on whether or not this is a war. Trump keeps calling it a war, whereas

Trump keeps calling it a war, whereas

Trump keeps calling it a war, whereas his minions in Congress like Anna

his minions in Congress like Anna

his minions in Congress like Anna Paulina lunatic and the always confused

Paulina lunatic and the always confused

Paulina lunatic and the always confused Mark Wayne Mullen are saying it ain't.

Mark Wayne Mullen are saying it ain't.

Mark Wayne Mullen are saying it ain't. Are there measures being taken not to

Are there measures being taken not to

Are there measures being taken not to eliminate other possible uh alternatives

eliminate other possible uh alternatives

eliminate other possible uh alternatives to leadership?

to leadership?

to leadership? >> This is war and we're taking out the

>> This is war and we're taking out the

>> This is war and we're taking out the threat.

threat.

threat. >> Did we talk about

>> Did we talk about

>> Did we talk about >> you'll concede this is war?

>> you'll concede this is war?

>> you'll concede this is war? >> We haven't declared war. They declared

>> We haven't declared war. They declared

>> We haven't declared war. They declared war on us but we haven't

war on us but we haven't

war on us but we haven't >> war. Secretary

>> war. Secretary

>> war. Secretary just now you said this this is war.

just now you said this this is war.

just now you said this this is war. >> They called it war. What I was saying

>> They called it war. What I was saying

>> They called it war. What I was saying okay well that was a misspoke. What I

okay well that was a misspoke. What I

okay well that was a misspoke. What I was saying they declared war on us but

was saying they declared war on us but

was saying they declared war on us but but war is ugly.

but war is ugly.

but war is ugly. >> Oh Mark Wayne you you done mix yourself

>> Oh Mark Wayne you you done mix yourself

>> Oh Mark Wayne you you done mix yourself up again. Broadway Mullen. Earlier in

up again. Broadway Mullen. Earlier in

up again. Broadway Mullen. Earlier in the day today, he was talking about the

the day today, he was talking about the

the day today, he was talking about the smell of war, and I was interested in

smell of war, and I was interested in

smell of war, and I was interested in hearing him talk about it. He said, "You

hearing him talk about it. He said, "You

hearing him talk about it. He said, "You can taste it." He said, "It fills your

can taste it." He said, "It fills your

can taste it." He said, "It fills your nostrils and you never forget it." I

nostrils and you never forget it." I

nostrils and you never forget it." I thought it was fascinating until I found

thought it was fascinating until I found

thought it was fascinating until I found out he was not in the military. He was

out he was not in the military. He was

out he was not in the military. He was He was a plumber before this. He took

He was a plumber before this. He took

He was a plumber before this. He took over his father's plumbing business.

over his father's plumbing business.

over his father's plumbing business. That smell wasn't war. It was a septic

That smell wasn't war. It was a septic

That smell wasn't war. It was a septic tank that he plunged. What a crew.

tank that he plunged. What a crew.

tank that he plunged. What a crew. Meanwhile, the president is ending

Meanwhile, the president is ending

Meanwhile, the president is ending another war, which I think would be his

another war, which I think would be his

another war, which I think would be his 10th, with the White House

10th, with the White House

10th, with the White House correspondents dinner. Trump is planning

correspondents dinner. Trump is planning

correspondents dinner. Trump is planning to attend the formerly annual event for

to attend the formerly annual event for

to attend the formerly annual event for the first time as president. He wrote,

the first time as president. He wrote,

the first time as president. He wrote, "The White House Correspondents

"The White House Correspondents

"The White House Correspondents Association has asked me very nicely to

Association has asked me very nicely to

Association has asked me very nicely to be the honore at this year's dinner."

be the honore at this year's dinner."

be the honore at this year's dinner." Wow. The honore. The president is the

Wow. The honore. The president is the

Wow. The honore. The president is the honore at every White House

honore at every White House

honore at every White House correspondents dinner. It's why they

correspondents dinner. It's why they

correspondents dinner. It's why they call it the White House correspondence

call it the White House correspondence

call it the White House correspondence dinner and not the big mama's house

dinner and not the big mama's house

dinner and not the big mama's house correspondents dinner. If it was the big

correspondents dinner. If it was the big

correspondents dinner. If it was the big mama's house dinner, the honore would be

mama's house dinner, the honore would be

mama's house dinner, the honore would be big mama. But since it is the White

big mama. But since it is the White

big mama. But since it is the White House, it's you. But I digress. The

House, it's you. But I digress. The

House, it's you. But I digress. The dinner is a long and story tradition

dinner is a long and story tradition

dinner is a long and story tradition since it began in 1924 under then

since it began in 1924 under then

since it began in 1924 under then President Calvin Culage in honor of our

President Calvin Culage in honor of our

President Calvin Culage in honor of our nation's 250th birthday and the fact

nation's 250th birthday and the fact

nation's 250th birthday and the fact that these correspondents now admit that

that these correspondents now admit that

that these correspondents now admit that I am truly one of the greatest

I am truly one of the greatest

I am truly one of the greatest presidents in the history of our

presidents in the history of our

presidents in the history of our country. the goat. According to many, it

country. the goat. According to many, it

country. the goat. According to many, it will be my honor to accept their

will be my honor to accept their

will be my honor to accept their invitation and work to make it the

invitation and work to make it the

invitation and work to make it the greatest, hottest, and most spectacular

greatest, hottest, and most spectacular

greatest, hottest, and most spectacular dinner of any kind ever.

dinner of any kind ever.

dinner of any kind ever. Can you imagine? You just started a war

Can you imagine? You just started a war

Can you imagine? You just started a war on another country and this is what

on another country and this is what

on another country and this is what you're posting about today. Also, I have

you're posting about today. Also, I have

you're posting about today. Also, I have some bad news. When they call you the

some bad news. When they call you the

some bad news. When they call you the goat, it isn't an acronym.

goat, it isn't an acronym.

goat, it isn't an acronym. It's an animal. It's an animal that eats

It's an animal. It's an animal that eats

It's an animal. It's an animal that eats garbage.

garbage.

garbage. You know, the dinner is traditionally

You know, the dinner is traditionally

You know, the dinner is traditionally hosted by a comedian. Al Franken hosted

hosted by a comedian. Al Franken hosted

hosted by a comedian. Al Franken hosted it. Ray Romano, uh, Seth Meyers, John

it. Ray Romano, uh, Seth Meyers, John

it. Ray Romano, uh, Seth Meyers, John Stewart, Conan, Wind of Sykes. I Googled

Stewart, Conan, Wind of Sykes. I Googled

Stewart, Conan, Wind of Sykes. I Googled it this morning. Turns out I even hosted

it this morning. Turns out I even hosted

it this morning. Turns out I even hosted it back in 2012. This year, I guess

it back in 2012. This year, I guess

it back in 2012. This year, I guess Trump didn't want to be made fun of by a

Trump didn't want to be made fun of by a

Trump didn't want to be made fun of by a comedian. So, the host is a mentalist.

comedian. So, the host is a mentalist.

comedian. So, the host is a mentalist. We'll have a mentalist and a mental case

We'll have a mentalist and a mental case

We'll have a mentalist and a mental case on stage together. The mentalist is a

on stage together. The mentalist is a

on stage together. The mentalist is a guy named O Pearlman. He's an amazing

guy named O Pearlman. He's an amazing

guy named O Pearlman. He's an amazing performer and I'm sure he'll be able to

performer and I'm sure he'll be able to

performer and I'm sure he'll be able to predict what Trump isn't thinking, but

predict what Trump isn't thinking, but

predict what Trump isn't thinking, but this feels like a copout to me and I I

this feels like a copout to me and I I

this feels like a copout to me and I I want to address the president directly

want to address the president directly

want to address the president directly on this. Um, Mr. President, please let

on this. Um, Mr. President, please let

on this. Um, Mr. President, please let me host this dinner. I've never asked

me host this dinner. I've never asked

me host this dinner. I've never asked you for anything. But can you imagine

you for anything. But can you imagine

you for anything. But can you imagine you, me, the commissioner of the FCC all

you, me, the commissioner of the FCC all

you, me, the commissioner of the FCC all at a table together? Think of the

at a table together? Think of the

at a table together? Think of the ratings. I'll even throw in an award.

ratings. I'll even throw in an award.

ratings. I'll even throw in an award. You like award, I'll give you a brand

You like award, I'll give you a brand

You like award, I'll give you a brand new award. The corresponding. the Dundee

new award. The corresponding. the Dundee

new award. The corresponding. the Dundee corresponding. No one will ever get up

corresponding. No one will ever get up

corresponding. No one will ever get up besides you. Please give the people what

besides you. Please give the people what

besides you. Please give the people what they want for once. This is our destiny

they want for once. This is our destiny

they want for once. This is our destiny together. You and me. Think about it.

together. You and me. Think about it.

together. You and me. Think about it. Let's make it the greatest, hottest,

Let's make it the greatest, hottest,

Let's make it the greatest, hottest, most spectacular dinner of any kind

most spectacular dinner of any kind

most spectacular dinner of any kind ever.

Maybe he's worried I'll make fun of his

Maybe he's worried I'll make fun of his

Maybe he's worried I'll make fun of his blotches. I don't know. Man, oh man. You

blotches. I don't know. Man, oh man. You

blotches. I don't know. Man, oh man. You know, we spent a lot of time trying to

know, we spent a lot of time trying to

know, we spent a lot of time trying to figure out what's going on in the

figure out what's going on in the

figure out what's going on in the president's head. I am now wondering

president's head. I am now wondering

president's head. I am now wondering what is happening on top of it. I have

what is happening on top of it. I have

what is happening on top of it. I have This photo just came out. I've never

This photo just came out. I've never

This photo just came out. I've never seen three different parts on one hair.

seen three different parts on one hair.

seen three different parts on one hair. It's a comb over, a comb under, and a

It's a comb over, a comb under, and a

It's a comb over, a comb under, and a comb around all there together with a

comb around all there together with a

comb around all there together with a little Gulf of America. A little heart

little Gulf of America. A little heart

little Gulf of America. A little heart shape in there. And then his makeup is

shape in there. And then his makeup is

shape in there. And then his makeup is so orange. And it would appear that

so orange. And it would appear that

so orange. And it would appear that someone forgot to bronze his jowls. He's

someone forgot to bronze his jowls. He's

someone forgot to bronze his jowls. He's got he's got this wild hair. He's got

got he's got this wild hair. He's got

got he's got this wild hair. He's got swollen legs. He's got orange skin. It's

swollen legs. He's got orange skin. It's

swollen legs. He's got orange skin. It's like we're watching him transform into

like we're watching him transform into

like we're watching him transform into gritty before our very eyes. And if that

gritty before our very eyes. And if that

gritty before our very eyes. And if that wasn't enough,

wasn't enough,

wasn't enough, he now has I don't know if you've seen

he now has I don't know if you've seen

he now has I don't know if you've seen it, he has a big red gross mark on his

it, he has a big red gross mark on his

it, he has a big red gross mark on his neck. Who knew diaper rash could go up

neck. Who knew diaper rash could go up

neck. Who knew diaper rash could go up that high?

that high?

that high? Trump's doctor actually issued a

Trump's doctor actually issued a

Trump's doctor actually issued a statement that said, "President Trump is

statement that said, "President Trump is

statement that said, "President Trump is using a very common cream on the right

using a very common cream on the right

using a very common cream on the right side of his neck, which is a

side of his neck, which is a

side of his neck, which is a preventative skin treatment prescribed

preventative skin treatment prescribed

preventative skin treatment prescribed by the White House doctor." A very

by the White House doctor." A very

by the White House doctor." A very common cream. If it's so common, why

common cream. If it's so common, why

common cream. If it's so common, why don't you tell us what cream it is so we

don't you tell us what cream it is so we

don't you tell us what cream it is so we can not put it on our necks? Cuz one

can not put it on our necks? Cuz one

can not put it on our necks? Cuz one thing we know for sure, it's not a

thing we know for sure, it's not a

thing we know for sure, it's not a hickey from Melania. It's It's probably

hickey from Melania. It's It's probably

hickey from Melania. It's It's probably a vampire bite from Rudy Giuliani or

a vampire bite from Rudy Giuliani or

a vampire bite from Rudy Giuliani or something. But I know every day our our

something. But I know every day our our

something. But I know every day our our president looks more like Pizza the Hut

president looks more like Pizza the Hut

president looks more like Pizza the Hut from Space Balls. And now he's trying to

from Space Balls. And now he's trying to

from Space Balls. And now he's trying to cover the thing. Today he added a thick

cover the thing. Today he added a thick

cover the thing. Today he added a thick layer of paint to the adding yet another

layer of paint to the adding yet another

layer of paint to the adding yet another swatch to his never- ending color

swatch to his never- ending color

swatch to his never- ending color palette. Speaking of coverups, I don't

palette. Speaking of coverups, I don't

palette. Speaking of coverups, I don't know if I mentioned the Trump Epstein

know if I mentioned the Trump Epstein

know if I mentioned the Trump Epstein files. Did I? Oh, yes. Let's not forget

files. Did I? Oh, yes. Let's not forget

files. Did I? Oh, yes. Let's not forget those.

those.

those. We do not want to forget those. The

We do not want to forget those. The

We do not want to forget those. The House Oversight Committee released

House Oversight Committee released

House Oversight Committee released footage of both Bill and Hillary

footage of both Bill and Hillary

footage of both Bill and Hillary Clinton's depositions, including this

Clinton's depositions, including this

Clinton's depositions, including this exchange with Congresswoman Lauren

exchange with Congresswoman Lauren

exchange with Congresswoman Lauren Boowbert, who used some of her time to

Boowbert, who used some of her time to

Boowbert, who used some of her time to ask the former Secretary of State

ask the former Secretary of State

ask the former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton about Pizzagate.

Hillary Clinton about Pizzagate.

Hillary Clinton about Pizzagate. >> Your question is about whether or not

>> Your question is about whether or not

>> Your question is about whether or not she has reviewed any emails in the

she has reviewed any emails in the

she has reviewed any emails in the Epstein release files about Pizzagate.

Epstein release files about Pizzagate.

Epstein release files about Pizzagate. >> Correct.

>> Correct.

>> Correct. >> Pizzagate was totally made up. I can't

>> Pizzagate was totally made up. I can't

>> Pizzagate was totally made up. I can't believe you're even referencing it. You

believe you're even referencing it. You

believe you're even referencing it. You should be

should be

should be >> there. There are connections to the the

>> there. There are connections to the the

>> there. There are connections to the the language.

language.

language. >> Qanodon people believe there are. So

>> Qanodon people believe there are. So

>> Qanodon people believe there are. So >> I don't know what people believe at it.

>> I don't know what people believe at it.

>> I don't know what people believe at it. >> You know, the last time somebody told

>> You know, the last time somebody told

>> You know, the last time somebody told Lauren Bober to have at it, Beetlejuice

Lauren Bober to have at it, Beetlejuice

Lauren Bober to have at it, Beetlejuice had to take an unscheduled intermission.

had to take an unscheduled intermission.

had to take an unscheduled intermission. >> Mrs. Clinton was not amused by Lauren

>> Mrs. Clinton was not amused by Lauren

>> Mrs. Clinton was not amused by Lauren Cubert asking her about this weird

Cubert asking her about this weird

Cubert asking her about this weird nonsensical fairy tale. But she was more

nonsensical fairy tale. But she was more

nonsensical fairy tale. But she was more comfortable when asked about Jeffrey

comfortable when asked about Jeffrey

comfortable when asked about Jeffrey Epstein himself. There are many files

Epstein himself. There are many files

Epstein himself. There are many files where Jeffrey Epstein seems to speak as

where Jeffrey Epstein seems to speak as

where Jeffrey Epstein seems to speak as though he does know you personally. He

though he does know you personally. He

though he does know you personally. He quotes, "Hey, Hillary Clinton is much

quotes, "Hey, Hillary Clinton is much

quotes, "Hey, Hillary Clinton is much prettier in person." This was Tuesday,

prettier in person." This was Tuesday,

prettier in person." This was Tuesday, September 20th, 2011.

September 20th, 2011.

September 20th, 2011. And then another I'm not going to object

And then another I'm not going to object

And then another I'm not going to object to that.

>> Guess MC didn't have a type. Where was

>> Guess MC didn't have a type. Where was

>> Guess MC didn't have a type. Where was that Hillary in 2016?

that Hillary in 2016?

that Hillary in 2016? Then it was Hillary's turn to question

Then it was Hillary's turn to question

Then it was Hillary's turn to question the questioners about the fact that she

the questioners about the fact that she

the questioners about the fact that she and her husband were asked to testify,

and her husband were asked to testify,

and her husband were asked to testify, whereas Epstein's BFF was not.

whereas Epstein's BFF was not.

whereas Epstein's BFF was not. >> Reasonable people

>> Reasonable people

>> Reasonable people would have to assume they are engaged in

would have to assume they are engaged in

would have to assume they are engaged in a massive coverup. As an American, as a

a massive coverup. As an American, as a

a massive coverup. As an American, as a citizen, all of us should be, regardless

citizen, all of us should be, regardless

citizen, all of us should be, regardless of party, wondering what are they

of party, wondering what are they

of party, wondering what are they hiding. The president of the United

hiding. The president of the United

hiding. The president of the United States is not above the law. and should

States is not above the law. and should

States is not above the law. and should be in a setting like this answering

be in a setting like this answering

be in a setting like this answering questions under oath.

questions under oath.

questions under oath. >> I don't know. I Hey, listen. The

>> I don't know. I Hey, listen. The

>> I don't know. I Hey, listen. The president is very busy right now picking

president is very busy right now picking

president is very busy right now picking out table runners for his new ballroom,

out table runners for his new ballroom,

out table runners for his new ballroom, so lay off. But happy Women's History

so lay off. But happy Women's History

so lay off. But happy Women's History Month, everybody. You know, March is

Month, everybody. You know, March is

Month, everybody. You know, March is Women's History Month. And of course, no

Women's History Month. And of course, no

Women's History Month. And of course, no one loves women more than our fearless

one loves women more than our fearless

one loves women more than our fearless leader. With that said, we've collected

leader. With that said, we've collected

leader. With that said, we've collected some of the many wonderful sentiments

some of the many wonderful sentiments

some of the many wonderful sentiments our president has shared about America's

our president has shared about America's

our president has shared about America's mothers, sisters, daughters, reporters,

mothers, sisters, daughters, reporters,

mothers, sisters, daughters, reporters, and future ex-wives to bring you this

and future ex-wives to bring you this

and future ex-wives to bring you this tribute to women from our first

tribute to women from our first

tribute to women from our first feminist.

feminist.

feminist. >> Not the most obnoxious reporter in the

>> Not the most obnoxious reporter in the

>> Not the most obnoxious reporter in the whole place. Actually, a terrible

whole place. Actually, a terrible

whole place. Actually, a terrible reporter.

reporter.

reporter. >> What a stupid question. You ask a lot of

>> What a stupid question. You ask a lot of

>> What a stupid question. You ask a lot of stupid questions. Are you stupid? Are

stupid questions. Are you stupid? Are

stupid questions. Are you stupid? Are you a stupid person? You're a terrible

you a stupid person? You're a terrible

you a stupid person? You're a terrible person and a terrible reporter.

person and a terrible reporter.

person and a terrible reporter. >> I have two questions, Mr.

>> I have two questions, Mr.

>> I have two questions, Mr. >> Next. Next, please. You are the worst

>> Next. Next, please. You are the worst

>> Next. Next, please. You are the worst reporter. I don't think I've ever seen

reporter. I don't think I've ever seen

reporter. I don't think I've ever seen you smile. You're so disgraceful. You

you smile. You're so disgraceful. You

you smile. You're so disgraceful. You know you're a fake.

know you're a fake.

know you're a fake. >> I got a perfect mark, which you would be

>> I got a perfect mark, which you would be

>> I got a perfect mark, which you would be incapable of doing.

incapable of doing.

incapable of doing. >> We're gonna have to bring the woman's

>> We're gonna have to bring the woman's

>> We're gonna have to bring the woman's team. You do know that.

team. You do know that.

team. You do know that. >> And when you're a star, they let you do

>> And when you're a star, they let you do

>> And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.

it. You can do anything.

it. You can do anything. >> You dropped to your knees.

>> You dropped to your knees.

>> You dropped to your knees. >> Yes.

>> Yes.

>> Yes. >> See a pretty picture. You dropped.

>> See a pretty picture. You dropped.

>> See a pretty picture. You dropped. >> A person who's flatchested is very hard

>> A person who's flatchested is very hard

>> A person who's flatchested is very hard to be a 10.

to be a 10.

to be a 10. >> SHE WOULD NOT BE MY FIRST CHOICE.

>> SHE WOULD NOT BE MY FIRST CHOICE.

>> SHE WOULD NOT BE MY FIRST CHOICE. >> I wouldn't want to go home to her.

>> I wouldn't want to go home to her.

>> I wouldn't want to go home to her. >> You could see there was blood coming out

>> You could see there was blood coming out

>> You could see there was blood coming out of her wherever.

of her wherever.

of her wherever. >> There has to be some form of punishment

>> There has to be some form of punishment

>> There has to be some form of punishment >> for the woman.

>> for the woman.

>> for the woman. >> Yeah. Rosie O'Donald's disgusting. That

>> Yeah. Rosie O'Donald's disgusting. That

>> Yeah. Rosie O'Donald's disgusting. That fat, ugly face of hers.

fat, ugly face of hers.

fat, ugly face of hers. >> You're a stupid person.

>> You're a stupid person.

>> You're a stupid person. >> Quiet. Pocahontas. Horseface. Horseface.

>> Quiet. Pocahontas. Horseface. Horseface.

>> Quiet. Pocahontas. Horseface. Horseface. She's a low IQ person.

She's a low IQ person.

She's a low IQ person. >> Angry woman.

>> Angry woman.

>> Angry woman. >> Nasty woman. Vicious. Horrible person.

>> Nasty woman. Vicious. Horrible person.

>> Nasty woman. Vicious. Horrible person. Such a nasty woman. Nobody has more

Such a nasty woman. Nobody has more

Such a nasty woman. Nobody has more respect for women than I do. Nobody.

respect for women than I do. Nobody.

respect for women than I do. Nobody. >> Now they're making Ghostbusters with

>> Now they're making Ghostbusters with

>> Now they're making Ghostbusters with only women. What's going on?

only women. What's going on?

only women. What's going on? >> That's right. Melania is a very lucky

>> That's right. Melania is a very lucky

>> That's right. Melania is a very lucky lady. We have a good show for you

lady. We have a good show for you

lady. We have a good show for you tonight. We have music from the head and

tonight. We have music from the head and

tonight. We have music from the head and the heart. And we'll be right back with

the heart. And we'll be right back with

the heart. And we'll be right back with Governor Gavin Newsome. So stick around.