Original subtitles

What's up world?

It's time to get raw, like sushi.

So strap in 'cause anything could happen.

Which one is the one I like?

I need my glasses.

Michelle Williams' living room is nice.

Let the dog choose, Judge Mathis!

Give her some personal space, Drew Barrymore!

Uh, Reggie, this is actually totally anathema to my method,

but we have been in the house a lot.

Do you think you're gonna do anything today?

Give me a break.

I'm just having a lazy Saturday morning.

It's Monday afternoon.

Ooh, this is my favorite Skyrizi commercial.

♪ The Fall and Rise

♪ Of Reggie Dinkins

No, I don't know what we're getting ready for,

but she took a big swing with her earrings today,

so clearly something is going on.

Big call today.

Brockenzeug is a condiment company

that was trying to break into the U.S. market

at the height of Reggie's fame.

So they signed him to a 20-year contract,

thanks to a certain someone.

It was me, is that clear?

When I crave bitter protein, the only sour herring spread

Reggie Dinkins reaches for is...

Brockenzeug's Muskelgelee.

Put it on your cabbage!

His, uh, scandal, broke right after

we signed the deal, which wasn't great,

but I'm still hoping I can convince them to re-up.

Gert.

Monica, it is good to hear from you.

This is a wonderful Blamage-Geleghenheit for us.

Wonderful? That's great.

I was a little worried-- - No, you should be worried.

This word means "shame opportunity."

This call is for bad news. - Oh, OK.

Wait, hear me out.

I am sorry, but this deal is like

the American discotheque scene, dead.

Oh, wait. OK, hold on. Hey!

The Brockenzeug guys said they wanted

to see your face when they told you.

They're sick. - Danke, Ashley.

Bitte schon, boys.

What's up, exy?

You done with those German dudes already?

Bad news, Reg.

Muskelgelee declined to renew.

- So now I gotta buy it? - Hey, baby.

You want to come to the spa with me?

Sounds tempting, but I'm good.

Are you sure?

I would love to explore your physical body on film.

Why did I say it like that?

I just mean because you're an athlete.

I'm aware of the effect I have on you.

But, yeah, I'm just gonna stay in today.

- How about you, Monica? - She can't.

She's slammed today.

She's got this all-day negotiation

with some Germans.

Then she's bringing congratulation balloons to...

Ruggie?

OK, I'm aware that Ashley is not good at her job,

but I hired her because she's a nepo baby,

and now I can't remember whose.

There's so many famous Joneses, Tommy Lee, James Earl, Tom,

Quincy, Star,

Catherine Zeta.

I know she doesn't remember who my parents are,

and I'm not telling.

Come on, Monica.

We, like, never get any girl time.

Well, I did tell myself I'd try to make more time

for being an actual person.

OK, let's go.

Are we going out? I'll go out!

I mean, it is Friday night, right?

No, it's not.

It is crazy that nobody knows what day it is.

Ooh, there he is!

MVP Carmelo Anthony Mason Dinkins in the house.

He gets real excited when we win.

And I scored two touchdowns against Blair on Friday.

Whose house? My house!

And I'm so proud of my son who also lives here

every other week because I share custody!

Sorry, you had a game on Friday?

- Yep. - You were home all day Friday,

watching that ridiculous firefighting show.

"FDNY Chicago." And it's great!

In the New York Fire Department,

there is a special unit that fights fires in Chicago.

These are their stories.

Hey, I'm walking here! In Chicago!

Why weren't you at your son's game?

I would have loved to get that footage.

Uh, a lot of the parents are Jets fans,

and they still haven't forgiven Dad

for blowing their shot at a Super Bowl.

It would have been a distraction

if I would have went.

But me and Carmelo, we watched the tapes afterwards.

We call it football cuddle time.

Yeah, one of us does.

- You're gonna love this place. - So fancy!

I reserved the whole spa for the day,

so the cameras can come in.

You can get pedis too, boys.

I'm back!

She bought out the whole spa?

How much did that cost? That's crazy.

Couldn't agree more, girl!

I don't love talking about this,

but I produce what my doctor calls

a dangerous amount of earwax.

So I'm just nodding and agreeing

until I get it taken care of.

Wow, so you can't hear anything?

Oh my God, I love that!

Hi, Kiki.

Wait, is this a spa?

Do you guys do ear candling?

OK, Penny, we want the works. Body wraps...

That robe has her name on it.

How often do you think she comes here?

Absolutely, everybody.

IV infusions, that thing where an old man

takes out his dentures and gently bites you.

Oh, let's not go nuts here.

Don't worry, Monica. It's my treat!

Brina's a sweet girl but "my treat"?

I think she meant Reggie's treat,

which is actually my treat

'cause I'm the one who actually--

OK, I guess she did say "my treat,"

but she should have said "your treat."

can I start over?

Reggie, why don't you ever leave the house?

What are you talking about? I go out all the time.

I took you to my favorite spot.

Welcome to my home away from home.

Really? An Amish bakery.

Yeah, Yoder got the heaviest bread in Central Pennsylvania.

And the toys are mad unpainted. Right, Yoder?

- 'Tis a gift to be simple. - Aw, hell yeah!

You drive three hours to a bakery in Amish country.

Word.

A people famous for not interacting

with the outside world. - Yoder is my boy.

Which means they're probably the only people in America

who don't know who you are. - Maybe.

I think that the reason you don't leave the house

or go to Carmelo's matches or go to the mall

to meet Lightning McQueen even though you clearly wanted to--

I didn't go because "Cars 3" was a cash grab!

Reggie, I think you're afraid

to face the outside world.

You buggin', man.

There's just really not much to do

in the Greater New York area.

Well, let's find something to do then, Reggie.

Look, let's have a--

oh, hey, look at that! Perfect.

A documentary film festival at Lincoln Center.

- Yawn! - Rude. What else?

There is an exhibit of Adrien Brody's art.

Oh, good God, no. Right. You know what?

I read a 2004 interview with you in "Playboy" magazine.

Sure you did. You dog.

And in it, you said that your favorite place to eat

was a restaurant called Toshi's right here in New Jersey.

Oh, Toshi's. Oh, yeah.

The place burned down.

Really? 'Cause I got us a reservation

there in 30 minutes. - Cool. It's great.

They love me at that place.

They even got my picture on the wall.

Wait a minute. What happened to my picture?

I'm sorry, Mr. Dinkins.

It's just people kept throwing eel at it.

Yo, Dinkins! You suck!

- Yeah, you suck! - No, I don't!

I do the opposite. I blow!

- Boo! - No, no, I don't!

Don't put that in the documentary.

Let's go. Let's leave this place.

I don't like it no more.

Yo, Reggie!

What's your little movie called?

"I'm a Loser"?

We don't have a title yet!

Nice car!

I'm not being sarcastic!

Damn, girl.

Your shoulders are, like, three inches lower.

Right? I have so much neck right now.

Gosh, will you guys stop screaming?!

Yes, the spa had ear candling.

My ears are so clear now, I can hear everything.

Either we live by a new river,

or I can hear my blood. It's like--

Lick-lick, girlie pops.

My haul is here. Ah! Let's get into it!

All right, I'll set up the camera.

I know the drill.

High angle, no flash, bag on my head

during fit changes. - Brina's out of control.

I gotta talk to her.

Whoa, don't tell me to calm down, pally!

The Bean's on fire, and this pizza's

in a deeper dish than I'm used to.

Hey, I'm watchin' here!

We need to talk about Toshi's.

What do you want me to say? That you're right?

That I do hide from the world because I'm afraid

of what people might say to me,

that I can't feel happy unless I think

everyone loves me? Is that what you want?

Yes, wow. Exactly that.

Great. Turn the TV back on.

The guys don't know it's Central Time,

so they might be early to the fire.

How do you expect people to root for you

again if all they see is you hiding in a mansion?

It's aspirational.

Reggie, you are gonna need to get out there

and make an effort to earn people's forgiveness.

The only way out is through.

Which one of you guys is Reggie?

I've got residual checks for him to sign.

- Can you wait one minute? - Perfect timing, Ashley.

You're doing a great job!

I did a kids movie in the early 2000s.

It was like "Space Jam" but with football and Universal IP.

It's a day game, so Dracula is not here.

There's no full moon, so the Wolf Man is just a dude.

And who knows where the Invisible Man is?

It's just us, Frankenstein's monster.

So let's get fired up!

Fire? Fire, bad!

Oh, my God, I recognize you.

Yeah, Ashley. We met last week.

You kept calling me Paddington.

That's so funny.

But no, I recognize recognize you.

It's too many tennis balls!

This movie makes no sense!

That's you. - Wait, no.

I'm--how have you seen that?

- The Internet? - Oh.

They promised it wouldn't get out!

Nerds around the world have been asking

when they'd finally see Marvel's Professor Squeeze

on the big screen.

Well, recently-leaked footage from the IDK agency hack

shows that the original director just couldn't hack it.

This tennis ball is a CGI time machine!

And it's gonna take me back to before

I knew any of you [bleep]!

This whole thing is beneath me, you know?

Jesus Christ.

Ooh, slay! Slay!

Oh, another one in selfie mode.

Rusty, come on. - It wasn't on purpose, OK?

I have wide thumbs, just like Megan Fox.

And you know who else?

A lot of historical stranglers.

Rusty, can we have some privacy?

Of course.

What's up?

Brina, listen.

I gotta big sister you here a bit.

Sister? How would that work?

You're so much older than me--

Auntie then. Whatever.

Listen, I know that the lifestyle is

a big part of all of this for you,

but it can't be your whole life.

I'm sorry?

Back in the day, I knew a lot of the players'

wives and girlfriends,

and I was the only one with a plan.

OK, Monica, hold on.

Those women just defined themselves

by their man and his money.

And then they turn around one day and realize

they don't have a life of their own.

So you think I'm a gold digger.

No.

No, no, no, I just think you should have a plan of your own.

Other than "being a famous singer."

For your information, I do have a plan.

I made 120 grand last year.

Doing what?

Content.

And that money is on top of all the free stuff I get

for pluggin' it on my socials. Like the clothes,

or that spa I took you to.

You welcome, by the way. - Oh, come on.

I saw your Instagram.

You only have 40 followers.

That's my private Insta.

Yeah, she's also Queen Bri The Beauty Baddie.

I mean, where have you been?

323K followers?

Rusty, why didn't you say anything earlier?

At the spa, you agreed she needed to get a life!

Uh, I don't think so.

OK, please, do not gaslight me. You sound crazy.

Good talk, Monica,

but some of us have work to do.

Oh my God.

An unqualified white guy gets a job he doesn't deserve

and then poops the bed.

The only unpredictable part is that he actually got fired.

Roll credits. - Hey, Mr. Tobin.

My art teacher was telling me about this documentary festival

happening in the city. - Oh, yes, at Lincoln Center!

Yeah, you know, I actually premiered

my first ever short there, "Y2KKK."

It won what at the time was known

as the Brett Ratner Award.

Well, if I go, I get extra credit,

and if I go with you, I get a ride.

Um, oh, no.

No, I can't. I don't want to.

But I mean, it would be super cool to go with you.

I mean, I bet you know everyone there, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Um, here's the thing, though.

I am following your dad right now.

And he won't leave the house, so neither can I.

Yes, where he goes, I go.

Otherwise, I would love to go with you, believe me.

So if you thought yesterday was Saturday,

you should take Sunday's pills today,

even though it's Tuesday, which means on real Saturday--

- Blasted gizmo! Brina. - Hmm?

How do you take tickets off a phone

and turn them into real hand tickets?

Oh, I got this.

Oh, good job downloading the tickets, baby.

I'm just gonna take Monday.

Just why is everyone watching everyone,

but no one's watching me? You know?

I can do stuff too. You know, it's like--

I don't know how I'm gonna fight this fire.

I checked my hose at JFK, but they lost it at O'Hare!

This is actually quite compelling.

It was clever how they couldn't find

the subway fire 'cause the train was above ground.

No!

I was thinking of doing something different tonight,

maybe going into the city.

What? No.

You're not going to a city full of Jets fans.

Or are they?

This evening, I will be attending the Lincoln Center

Documentary Film Festival.

And you said, wherever I go, you go.

So let's go.

God, I see what you're doing.

That film festival crowd won't have any idea

who you are, but they'll all know who I am.

You have hoist me, sir, by my own petard.

Hey, I know people were saying that word again.

I just don't like hearing it in this house.

When Arthur Tobin sees how bad it feels,

that little turd will shut up for good

about me leaving the house. - I'm right here.

And that's not true! - Oh, yeah?

Kina seems like you're dragging your feet

by doing a whole separate interview about it.

We were just talking over there.

OK, fine. You win.

I'll go get changed.

I was gonna say, I'd be embarrassed

to walk in with that. - OK.

Oh. Hi, Monica.

You got more thoughts on how I should handle my business?

No. Actually, this one's personal.

Brina, you look like a black Jessica Rabbit.

I'll allow it. Continue.

And maybe that's why I didn't take you seriously.

But at your age, looking like that,

with your own money, why are you with Reggie?

Why am I with a man that you thought

was good enough to marry and father your child?

Wow, Monica. - I know. I know!

But when I was with Reggie, he was on Wheaties boxes.

We were out partying every night with Will Smith.

Who?

Now, he's watching network dramas in the morning.

I saw him yell, "Siri, potato" at the microwave.

What does that have to do with me loving Reggie?

He is the sweetest man I've ever met.

And I tried dating ballers my own age.

My last boyfriend was a prank YouTuber.

Oh God what is happening?!

Girlfriend snake drop!

But Reggie's just nice.

He calls his mom every morning.

From the toilet, on speaker,

but, yeah, Reggie's easy to love.

But the age gap. - It's kinda nice.

We only have sex twice a week and on Halloween,

and I like it.

And unlike clout demons like Dr. Freak,

Reggie's not threatened by my success.

I just got an offer to be the new brand-ambass

for GutRoll-- it's a probiotic toilet paper.

And Reggie was all...

You get that doo-doo money, baby.

Wow. Congratulations.

And that's a good Reggie. - Right?

I just gotta sign the contract,

but I can't do DocuSign with these nails.

Mm.

Ooh, can I use your finger to do it?

I just gotta scroll to the bottom.

Wait, you read this, right?

It's not the Bible or a street sign.

OK, I'm sorry, but I do have more thoughts

on how you handle your business.

Remember, you're the one

that didn't just want to hide in the mansion.

Oh my God. Is that Arthur Tobin?

For him to show up here would be a greater humiliation

than what Antonio suffers

at the end of "The Bicycle Thief"!

Ow! What--

why do you even have this?

I take tennis lessons in Central Park

with a nice young man who grew up in the Caribbean.

How we've treated those countries!

Hey, you suck!

I am as God made me, sir!

I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Dinkins.

You suck! - Yeah, you suck!

You suck!

Are you the guy from Toshi's?

What the hell are you doing here?

Oh, you should have paid more attention

to what you were booking tickets for.

Oh, you thought you could escape us

by coming to a classy deal like this.

Nah, man.

Guys like me, we're everywhere.

Like this guy.

I didn't hear what he said, but you suck, Dinkins!

- You can run... - Not really.

But you can't hide.

There's a lot of us,

and we don't like to go home.

Can we go now, please?

We both been hoisted by each other's petards.

And this woman is still talking about

colonialism in the Caribbean.

To have that cheerful attitude

after all they've been through--

No.

That Jets fan isn't wrong.

Even the Amish bakery isn't always safe.

Wow, Reggie frickin' Dinkins! You suck!

You suck!

And sitting around watching high-quality

network programming all day isn't living.

So either I don't live a life or I learn to deal with this.

So I'm gonna take your advice.

Are you?

The only way out is through.

GutRoll may sell the content provider's likeness

to third parties for use in porn dolls or army--

no, that's got to go.

Look, this is all standard language.

Well, there is nothing standard

about this content provider.

Do not underestimate her just because of her youth

and the fact that she majored in Sorority.

Other people have made that mistake.

They did not take the time to find out

who Queen Bri really is.

Was that Monica apologizing for calling me a gold digger?

I'll take it.

Oh, God, snake!

And you'd be lucky to have her.

Sorry, I didn't know

you were gonna do a whole speech.

It's 2:00 in the morning here in Belarus.

Just redline whatever, and we'll sign it.

That sucked.

I didn't even understand

what your people were yelling at you.

Nor I yours to you.

But I could tell it hurt.

By my crying, yes.

But it didn't kill us.

No, I don't think it did.

Is that your car? I need to get to JFK.

There's a fire in Chicago!

They're real!

Roll credits.

- Good night, everybody! - Good night!