Original subtitles

Starring Andy Griffith...

With Ronny Howard.

Also starring Don knotts.

I get so tired counting calories.

Hello, Otis.

Hi, ladies.

Is Mr. Goss here?

He's out fetchin' my suit.

Got the spots off, Otis.

It might save us all a lot of trouble

if you'd just get yourself a whiskey-colored suit.

Well, miss bee. And miss Johnson.

How nice you look.

Got your blue print on today, haven't you?

Say, that chocolate stain come off the collar

real good, didn't it?

Well, like I say...

It always pays to look your best.

Andy's suit ready?

Oh, sure, sure, sure.

Andy goin' to that dance tonight?

Well, he didn't say.

I wouldn't mind takin' in that dance myself.

That is, of course, if I had a nice lady partner

to go along with me.

Fred, if I could just...

You could wear your green pile.

I could pick you up at 8:00.

Well, that's very kind of you, Mr. Goss,

but I wasn't really planning on going.

Aw. Everybody's gonna be there.

What is it, Otis?

My suit!

Huh? Oh. Oh, yeah, you're right.

It needs cleanin' bad.

I just had it cleaned! I'm pickin' it up.

Oh. Oh! Well...Yes. Sure.

There you are. Perfect.

Always pays to look your best.

Andy's suit.

Huh

Andy's blue suit.

Oh, the suit.

The suit, yes. Sure, sure.

Anything for you, miss bee.

Well, bee.

Certainly looks like you have an admirer.

Oh, Clara, please. You know how men are.

Yes.

Terrible, aren't they?

I got the front all swept.

Already?

Boy, I can't wait for Barney to get back

to tell him what an outstandin' deputy you been.

What'll I do now? Can I go arrest somebody?

Well, there ain't actually

any heavy-duty arrestin' to do right now.

What the deputy usually does is, uh...

Empty the trash.

Okay.

Pa...

Since I am a deputy and I'm doin' deputy work,

could I wear the deputy hat?

Well, that sounds reasonable enough.

Come on.

Come over here.

Now, let's see.

How's it look?

It looks fine. I'll tell you one thing.

You won't be bothered with gettin' sun in your eyes.

Hey. Hey. Wait a minute, deputy.

How'd you lose your teeth?

Well, it was like this, sheriff.

It happened at the big bank robbery.

I nailed two of the robbers,

and the other guy shot my teeth out.

Now, you know I handle all the robberies around here.

You come over here

and get that trash out.

I know it's Friday, Otis, but ain't you a little early?

I'm dead sober, Andy, but I expect I'll get over it.

Since I'll probably end up here over the weekend,

I thought I'd bring my good suit and leave it

so's I can change

in case I get out in time for church sunday.

Now, one thing.

I'm short-handed with Barney away.

Won't be anybody to lock you up.

I better see if I got my own key.

There she is.

That's fine, providin' you find the lock.

Oh, the lock's easy.

The real problem's findin' the door.

You, uh, goin' to the dance tonight?

No, I'm too give out from a week of double duty.

I'll just go home and anchor down that couch.

Fred goss is tryin' to talk your aunt bee

into goin' with him.

Fred goss over at the cleaners?

Mm-hmm. Oh, he was sweet-talkin' up a storm.

Fred goss and aunt bee.

There's an unlikely combination, ain't it?

I'll have to get after her about that.

Yeah, do that. I'll be seein' you, Andy.

Okay.

Fred goss and aunt bee?

I think I got a good price on these tomatoes,

don't you, Clara?

Mm-hmm. Who's Andy taking to the dance tonight?

The dance?

Mm-hmm. Who's he taking?

I don't think he's going.

Probably will sit here with you, won't he?

Oh, probably.

That's what I thought.

What are you getting at, Clara?

Just this.

Maybe you oughtn't to be so quick

to turn down Mr. Goss.

What?

Well...

Maybe it might not be a bad idea

if you considered Mr. Goss as a possible match?

Mr. Goss and me?!

For two reasons... Andy and Opie.

What does Andy and Opie got to do with it?

Well, the plain fact

is that Andy's still a young man.

He needs a wife. And Opie needs a mother.

Well, what does that have to do with me?

Andy can't bring a wife home while you're still here.

Why, that'd be turning you out,

and he'd never be able to do that.

Well, I'd never stand in the way

of Andy getting married.

Don't you see that your being here is preventing it?

Why, Andy has to close his eyes

to his own happiness.

He can't get married until you get married

and settle somewhere first.

I never thought of it that way.

Andy's not getting a wife

because he doesn't want you to be lonely.

Why, he sees lots of girls!

He goes to the dances! I...

Aunt bee. Hi, miss Johnson.

Have you got a little somethin' to eat

for a hungry sheriff and his number

he means me. I wore Barney's hat and everything.

I'm just starting it. You go and get washed up.

I didn't mean to interrupt anything.

No, we were just chatting... About the dance.

Ought to be a ripsnorter.

Who are you taking to the dance, Andy?

Alice stapleton? Sissy Wainwright?

Estelle Parsons?

Fact is, I ain't takin' anybody.

Oh, you're going alone

so you can dance with all of them.

No, I'm not going to the dance at all.

I thought I'd just spend

a nice, quiet evening here with you.

Well?

Well, maybe he hasn't met the right girl yet.

Oh, bee, now, you know perfectly well that he's...

Thanks for gettin' my suit cleaned, aunt bee.

I don't know whether it needed it or not,

but I guess it was worth the dollar

for you and you-know-who to have a little talk.

What do you mean?

Come on, aunt bee.

It's no secret

about you and Fred goss... Can't expect to keep

a flaming romance like that secret for long.

I'm scared to leave my paint ladder outside

for fear he'll come by

and take you off elopin' with him.

It was a little joke, that's all.

It was just a joke!

Many a truth is said in jest.

I just can't believe it.

Bee, I'm speaking to you as a friend when I say

it may be time that you opened your eyes

and thought about getting married...

For everybody's sake.

But Mr. Goss isn't my type.

Oh, he's not as bad as all that.

Besides, when you reach our age,

we can't be too choosy.

Well, Andy might not even approve of him.

On the other hand, he might approve of him very much.

Now, why don't you settle things?

Invite Mr. Goss to dinner and find out.

Hey, I believe I've got an outstanding idea

for this evening, deputy.

What is it, pa? I mean, sheriff.

Well, how would it be if you and me and aunt bee

all got in the car and went over to mount pilot

and had supper in that Chinese restaurant?

You mean where they stick

the little parasols in the rice?

The very place.

That'd be nifty, pa. I mean, sheriff.

Then it's a deal, son. I mean, deputy.

Oh. Hello, everybody. Here's lunch.

Howdy, aunt bee. We was just talkin' about you.

Andy, you won't be working late tonight, will you?

Well, no, I don't expect so.

Well, I thought I'd ask Mr. Goss over for dinner.

Mr. Goss?

Unless you have other plans, that is.

Oh, no, no. I don't have any other plans.

But, pa, we were going to go over to mount pilot

for that Chinese supper.

If you'd rather go over to mount pilot, I can...

Oh, no, no, no.

If you want to have Mr. Goss for supper,

that's an outstanding idea... Just outstanding.

Well.

Well...

I'll go ask him.

But, pa, what about the Chinese restaurant?

Oh, we'll make the trip another time.

If aunt bee would like to have some company,

it's only fair she has her say once in a while.

Now, don't you worry.

We'll get parasols stuck in your rice real soon.

See if you can set up lunch like Barney does.

Okay.

Okay.

Aunt bee and Fred goss.

Hmm.

Pass me that gravy, will you, miss bee?

I think I'll make myself a gravy sandwich.

Oh, be careful! Careful.

Oh, makes awful spots.

I guess you heard about the fella

that put the cleaning fluid right in with the gravy.

That way, when he got a spot on his tie,

it took care of itself automatically.

Mixing those chemicals with food

could be mighty dangerous.

Well, it...

It was just a little joke about gravy.

Well, let me tell you, gravy is no joke.

No, sirree.

Takes a lot of work to get it cleaned off proper.

Lot of good spottin'.

People just don't realize.

Yeah, well, I mean, I didn't, uh...

I didn't mean to...

Wine stains almost as bad.

You know who brings in

a lot of clothes with wine stains?

Mrs. Doug Palmer.

She brings in Doug's suits.

And they got spots on 'em made from elderberry wine.

Now, I don't know if she knows it.

And far be it for me to gossip.

But that's what it is.

Doug's hittin' the old elderberry wine.

Is that right?

Mrs. Rick Jackson brought in a suit the other day.

It had blond hairs on it.

What color is Rick Jackson's wife's hair?

Brunet.

'Nough said.

Know what kind of cleaning is trouble cases? Dresses.

And flockin'... It comes apart. I get blamed.

And that paper taffeta... Can't even be tumble dried.

Ought to be a law against it.

Yeah, I see what you mean.

And buttons...

Plastic buttons that melt.

Rhinestone buttons that...

They got to be all took off and sewed back again by hand.

Would you believe it?

Last week, someone brought in a blue print.

Had 23 rhinestone buttons.

23 rhinestone buttons!

Woman like that ought to be run out of town.

I'll get some coffee.

Last week, a fella left

a fountain pen in his pocket.

I had 30 pounds of clothes bein' cleaned in ink.

Why, I, uh...

I believe I'll help aunt bee.

And, young man,

there's a matter of grass stains.

Can I give you a hand, aunt bee?

Uh...well, uh, the sugar, maybe.

Okay.

Boy, Mr. Goss certainly knows his business, doesn't he?

Yes, he does, doesn't he?

He's a fine man. Got his own business.

Did it all by himself... Hard work.

Yes, sir, he's a credit to the town.

You really like him?

Yeah. Don't you?

Yes. Yes, he's very nice.

Yeah, he makes good company.

He's a good talker, likes a good joke.

He's never been married, has he?

I don't think so.

Why?

Oh, nothing.

'Cept he'd probably make a good catch for somebody.

Yes, sir, there's wonderful husband material there.

Or am I tellin' you somethin' you already know?

I left some Berry pie in the icebox

if you get hungry later.

Where are you and Mr. Goss goin' tonight, picture show?

I expect so.

Well, you stay out of that balcony.

Oh, Andy, please.

Well, he's a pretty fast worker, ain't he?

He's movin' this thing right along.

Yes, he is, isn't he?

I guess 'fore long he'll be askin' you to set the date.

Hmm? Oh, yes, I guess so.

Well, the way you two lovebirds been carryin' on,

a thing like that's bound to happen.

I wish you every happiness.

Thank you very much, Andy.

And I wish you much happiness, too.

Well, there's Romeo now.

Howdy, Fred. Come on in here.

Hi, Andy. Hello, bee.

Well, they keepin' you busy?

Oh, I'll say. You wanna hear somethin'?

Gilly Parker's wife brought in a pair of pants today.

You know what I found in one of the pockets?

A poker chip.

No!

Yeah. And what's funny is...

This is the funny part, bee...

Mrs. Parker, she says to me, "I wonder how gilly

gets his pants so wrinkled at choir practice."

We could sure tell her, couldn't we?

Yeah.

You ready to go?

I think I'll see if Opie's tucked in.

I'll look after the young'un.

You all go ahead and have a good time.

Oh, you should see the stuff I find in pockets.

You know Wayne devereaux?

Well, I found a picture in his pocket,

and it wasn't of Mrs. Devereaux.

It was of Myrna loy.

'Bout ready for bed?

Yeah, pa.

Brush your teeth?

Just feel how wet the toothbrush is.

I want to tell you a little story.

One time a long time ago, there was this little fella,

and he never brushed his teeth.

Now, you may not believe this,

but all he'd do was wet his toothbrush.

Hmm.

Yeah, yeah. To him, it was a right funny joke.

Every time he thought about it, he smiled.

And then one day, he quit smilin'.

Never smiled again the rest of his days.

Why didn't he smile anymore?

He was too embarrassed. He didn't have any teeth.

Oh.

Where you goin'?

Guess I'll go brush my teeth again.

I got another little somethin' to tell you.

Looks like aunt bee might be gettin' married pretty soon.

Who's she gonna marry?

Mr. Goss.

Is he gonna marry her, too?

Mm-hmm. That's generally the way it's handled.

When somebody marries you,

the polite thing to do is marry them right back.

Why do people get married, pa?

Oh, a lot of reasons.

Have a home, family, be together.

I guess mainly 'cause they love one another.

Does aunt bee love Mr. Goss?

Yes, she does.

Does that mean that she don't love us no more?

No, she loves us, too.

Kinda confusin', ain't it?

Well, see, you can love a whole lot of people.

The more, the better.

See, that's the regular kind of love.

And it's a fine, fine thing.

But then you meet that special person,

and you got a special love all saved up for them.

That's the marryin' kind of love,

and that's the very best kind 'cause it comes

from way down deep inside of your heart.

Did you and mom have that deep

yes, son, we did.

And does aunt bee have that kind now?

Yes, she does.

Then it's all right, ain't it?

Yeah, son, I expect it's all right.

Mmm!

Now, you go to sleep.

I'll see you in the morning.

All right.

Thank you for a very nice evening, Fred.

If the popcorn butter dripped on your dress,

bring it in first thing tomorrow.

Don't put it off.

I'll bring it in the first thing.

Don't forget... you and the family get a discount.

That's very nice of you. Thank you, Fred.

Good night, bee.

Good night.

Oh, hi, Andy.

Oh, howdy, aunt bee.

I guess I kinda lost track of time.

Did you sample that Berry pie?

Well, let's take care of that right now.

Not for me. Too much popcorn.

Oh, too much popcorn, huh?

I believe I'll take a piece out on the front porch

and eat it, it's such a fine night.

Opie!

Hasn't he been asleep?

Fell asleep the minute you left.

Is there something the matter, Opie?

No, I just fell awake.

All I have to say is "Berry pie,"

and customers come out of the woodwork.

Well, I'll get two forks since you're up.

Pretty soon, you'll be makin' pies

for Mr. Goss, won't you?

Well, I'll always make an extra one for you, Opie.

Yeah, I think it'll work out just fine, aunt bee.

Yeah.

Gettin' married will give you a home of your own.

It'll mean companionship for a woman my age.

Yes. Yes, it will.

It's important... companionship.

Give you somebody to look after you.

Give someone for me to look after, too.

That's important.

That is important.

He'll be fine company for you. Just fine.

We can go places and do things.

Yeah, yeah. That means a whole lot, too.

He's basically a very fine person.

That's just exactly what he is.

Yeah.

Yeah, all in all, I'd say

there's just every reason in the world

for you to get married.

Well, it's gettin' late.

Pa?

You left out one of the reasons.

What reason is that?

That aunt bee's gettin' married

'cause she's got that special, deep-down kind of feeling.

Oh. I was tryin' to explain about love to the boy.

And aunt bee has it for Mr. Goss, don't she?

She sure does, she's got that extra-special love

for him... the kind I was tellin' you about

that comes from way down deep inside of you.

Don't you, aunt bee?

Come on.

Don't you, aunt bee?

I-I-It'll be fine, Andy.

It'll give you a chance

to find yourself a wife and a mother for Opie.

It's how I want it, Andy. I really do.

Really.

Well...

Seems like we been goin' around in circles.

You have to understand somethin', aunt bee.

Among folks that love each other,

like we do,

nothin' can be best for us unless it's best for you.

Oh, Andy.

Now...

The rule around here has got to be

no marryin' off

unless it's of the absolutely overwhelmin' nature.

Oh, Andy.

Gosh, pa.

Did I say the wrong thing?

No, ope, you was the only one

who said the right thing.

I still don't know how to break the news to Mr. Goss.

Just leave it to me.

Mr. Goss, aunt bee been in here?

No, haven't seen her.

She wanted me to fetch her pattern book.

Dress she's making to wear to church social.

That right?

It's beautiful.

Yards and yards of paper taffeta.

Paper taffeta?

And the upper part is all flocking.

Flocking?

And down the front is

a double row of plastic buttons.

Buttons? No, she couldn't!

She wouldn't! Not a double row!

And down the back is rhinestone buttons, 36 of 'em.

36 rhinestone buttons!

Wouldn't surprise me if every woman in town

wants one, once they see aunt bee's.

What kind of dress you wearin' to the social, miss Johnson?

Oh, mine's just plain cotton.

Cotton?

Good, good.

No buttons?

No buttons at all.

Oh, that's wonderful!

'Course, aunt bee probably ought not

to go to the social at all.

She is taken cold.

Cold? Fine.

Too bad you already got the tickets.

'Course, you could take miss Johnson here.

Yes! I could!

Yes, I guess that would be all right.

Well, I'll explain it to aunt bee.

Just plain cotton, huh?

Cleans fine.

Well? How'd it go?

Perfect.

Oh, oh, I feel so much better.

Now, where will we go for dinner?

Let's go get Opie and have a Chinese supper.

Good!

Now, one thing...

I don't want anybody spillin' anything.

I got a feeling we just lost our discount

at the cleaning store.