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CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER
PRODUCTIONS AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
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00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,260
PUSH! PUSH!
3
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,846
COME ON, YOU GOTTA PUSH IT!
4
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,055
HOW MUCH LONGER?
5
00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:16,473
10 SECONDS.
6
00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:18,441
YOU GOTTA PUSH HARDER,
OR IT'S NOT GONNA WORK.
7
00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:19,852
THIS IS SO STUPID.
8
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,187
IT'S NOT STUPID.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
9
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,690
I'M NOT. NOT GONNA LOVE IT.
10
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:28,318
OK. THAT'S TIME.
STEP AWAY FROM THE DOOR.
11
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:33,574
AHH! OHH!
12
00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:36,035
KELSO, YOU'RE A GENIUS.
13
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,912
YEAH, WELL, IT'S MAGIC.
14
00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,707
OH, MY GOD. FINALLY.
15
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,751
I AM SO DEHYDRATED.
16
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:46,879
OH, HERE.
PIGGLY WIGGLY DIET CREAM SODA.
17
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,338
I TOLD YOU MY TOP THREE CHOICES
18
00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:50,883
WERE TAB, FRESCA, OR DIET RITE.
19
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:54,344
AGAIN, YOU GET
PIGGLY WIGGLY DIET CREAM SODA.
20
00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:55,888
THEN I'LL JUST HAVE WATER.
21
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:59,475
YOU KNOW, THERE'S A HOSE
IN THE BACKYARD.
22
00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:01,002
I'VE NOTICED THAT
THE POP SELECTION
23
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:03,520
HAS REALLY WENT DOWNHILL
SINCE YOUR DAD GOT LAID OFF.
24
00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:08,317
HE'S... NOT LAID OFF.
HE'S JUST PART-TIME.
25
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,402
AND SHUT UP!
26
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:11,737
KIDS...
27
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,199
KIDS, KIDS, KIDS, KIDS,
KIDS, KIDS, KIDS...
28
00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:16,450
THE PRESIDENT IS COMING.
29
00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:17,201
WHAT PRESIDENT?
30
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:19,995
THE PRESIDENT OF THESE
UNITED STATES, GERALD R. FORD...
31
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:24,458
THE 36th... 8th...
32
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:28,212
40th... I DON'T KNOW.
HE'S THE PRESIDENT!
33
00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:30,172
WHY WOULD FORD
COME TO POINT PLACE?
34
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:33,175
BECAUSE WE ARE A WHISTLE STOP
35
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,177
ALONG HIS WISCONSIN
CAMPAIGN TRAIL.
36
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,805
MY DAD ORGANIZED IT.
37
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DEAR... THE NEXT TIME YOU KNOW
A PRESIDENT IS COMING TO TOWN,
38
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:49,900
PLEASE GIVE ME
A LITTLE MORE NOTICE.
39
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:52,528
I NEED TO VACUUM.
ERIC, YOU TIDY UP THIS BASEMENT.
40
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:55,155
A PIE! I GOTTA MAKE A PIE!
41
00:01:57,242 --> 00:02:01,161
WOW. THE PRESIDENT'S COMING.
42
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:03,080
YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO...
43
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,248
THAT DOOR THING AGAIN.
44
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YEAH! YEAH!
45
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:11,797
♪ HANGIN' OUT ♪
46
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:15,634
♪ DOWN THE STREET ♪
47
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:19,179
♪ THE SAME OLD THING ♪
48
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:22,558
♪ WE DID LAST WEEK ♪
49
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:26,728
♪ NOT A THING TO DO ♪
50
00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:29,898
♪ BUT TALK TO YOU ♪
51
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:32,526
♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪♪
52
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:37,239
HELLO, WISCONSIN!
53
00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:45,038
SO, HOW'S THE CAR?
54
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,582
REAL GOOD.
55
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,667
BY "REAL GOOD," YOU MEAN
YOU ROTATED THOSE TIRES
56
00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:51,461
LIKE I ASKED YOU TO?
57
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:55,507
DAD, DON'T THEY ROTATE
EVERY TIME I DRIVE?
58
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,349
YOU BEING A SMART MOUTH?
59
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,393
YES.
60
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,520
AND I'M SORRY.
61
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,815
TUNA CASSEROLE AGAIN?
62
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,819
WELL, OK. HOW ABOUT WE
DON'T PAY THE CAR INSURANCE,
63
00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,362
AND WE'LL ALL HAVE STEAK?
64
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,364
ALL RIGHT.
65
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,742
HA HA HA!
66
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,244
WELL, JUST IMAGINE.
PRESIDENT FORD IS COMING HERE.
67
00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:26,747
HA HA!
68
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:27,664
UH, RED, WE NEED TO GET RID
69
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:31,501
OF THE OIL STAINS
IN THE DRIVEWAY.
70
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:32,753
IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S
COMING TO OUR HOUSE,
71
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:36,548
AND IF HE DID,
I'D KICK HIM IN THE KEISTER.
72
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,800
OH, STOP IT.
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?
73
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:41,178
YOU VOTED FOR GERALD FORD.
74
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:46,391
KITTY, NO ONE VOTED
FOR GERALD FORD.
75
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:47,809
HA HA HA!
76
00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:50,938
BUT HE STILL IS OUR PRESIDENT.
77
00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:53,440
OH, THE BOY'S OLD ENOUGH
TO HEAR THAT KIND OF TALK.
78
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:56,777
ERIC, SAY THAT YOUR JOB
WAS SENT TO A PLANT IN...
79
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,863
GUADALA-WHO-THE-HELL-CARES.
80
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:04,243
NOW, ARE YOU GONNA VOTE FOR
THE GUY THAT LET THAT HAPPEN?
81
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,119
RED, PRESIDENT FORD
DIDN'T TAKE YOUR JOB.
82
00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:10,415
HE TOOK NIXON'S.
83
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:14,711
ERIC... WE'RE WAITING.
84
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:18,423
UM... WELL... AHEM...
85
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,008
I BELIEVE THAT
EVERYONE'S POLITICAL OPINION
86
00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:24,596
IS VALID AND WORTH HEARING.
87
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:29,059
WELL, THAT'S...
THAT'S PERFECT, ERIC.
88
00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:32,521
USE THAT LINE WHEN YOU
RUN FOR MISS AMERICA.
89
00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:39,278
SETTLE DOWN
AND WE'LL START THE ASSEMBLY.
90
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:44,992
NOW, CONCERNING
THE CANNED GOODS DRIVE...
91
00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:48,036
MOTOR OIL IS NOT A FOOD.
92
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,246
BOO! BOO!
93
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:51,623
I'M SORRY, IT'S NOT,
AND ALL YOUR BOOING
94
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,334
ISN'T GONNA MAKE IT ONE.
95
00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:57,129
NOW... AS YOU ALL KNOW,
96
00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:01,341
PRESIDENT FORD WILL
BE VISITING OUR FAIR CITY,
97
00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,511
AND I KNOW THERE ARE SOME
OF YOU NE'ER-DO-WELLS OUT THERE
98
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:07,889
THAT MIGHT BE PLANNING
SOME SORT OF QUOTE/UNQUOTE
99
00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:12,561
"SOCIAL STATEMENT-TYPE PROTEST."
100
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:13,520
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
101
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,064
WHO CARES IF FORD IS COMING?
102
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:16,690
IT'S BETTER THAN WHEN
103
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,735
THE OSCAR MEYER
WEENIE-MOBILE DROVE THROUGH.
104
00:05:19,902 --> 00:05:21,111
THEY DIDN'T EVEN STOP.
105
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:21,987
THEY JUST SLOWED DOWN
106
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,282
AND THREW A BUNCH
OF HOT DOG WHISTLES AT US.
107
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,576
TWO GIRLS IN A PHALLIC R.V.,
108
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:31,288
DRIVING AROUND,
HANDING OUT THINGS YOU BLOW...
109
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:34,291
[SIGHS] WHAT A GREAT COUNTRY.
110
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:41,173
SO LET ME TELL YOU
ANOTHER THING, MR. OR MRS. PUNK.
111
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,301
PROTESTING ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING.
112
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:52,059
OH, SURE, YOU MIGHT SEE
A CHANCE TO PROVE YOUR MANHOOD
113
00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:55,645
OR SHOW YOU'RE COOL...
114
00:05:56,898 --> 00:06:01,568
BUT THIS IS OUR PRESIDENT.
OUR PRESIDENT, DARN IT!
115
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:04,279
SO NO SHENANIGANS, YOU HEAR ME?
116
00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:09,534
IF THAT'S YOUR KIND OF ATTITUDE,
117
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:13,038
YOU MIGHT JUST AS WELL
GO HOME RIGHT NOW.
118
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,961
SO PRESIDENT FORD
SHOULD BE ARRIVING AT NOON.
119
00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:21,880
OH, MAN! DEVILED EGGS.
120
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,300
ARE... ARE THESE FOR ANYBODY?
121
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,344
HI, DADDY. HI, MR. PINCIOTTI.
122
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,261
HI. HI, KITTEN.
123
00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,514
NOW LOOK, WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT ADULT STUFF HERE.
124
00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:33,892
WHY DON'T YOU AND YOUR FRIEND
HEAD UP TO YOUR ROOM?
125
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,526
NOW, THE MOST IMPORTANT PART
OF OUR PRESIDENTIAL RALLY
126
00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:44,736
IS THE TOWNSPEOPLE
"Q & A" SECTION.
127
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,530
JUST SO EVERYONE'S CLEAR,
128
00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:48,323
THE "Q" STANDS FOR QUESTION.
129
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:51,493
THE "A" FOR ANSWER.
130
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:55,497
ALL YOURS, JACK.
131
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,791
THIS IS WHEN NORMAL FOLKS
STEP UP TO THE MICROPHONE
132
00:06:57,959 --> 00:06:59,501
AND ASK THE PRESIDENT QUESTIONS.
133
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:02,421
NOW, THE IMPORTANT THING IS
TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT PERSON.
134
00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:06,508
YOU KNOW, A WORKING-CLASS GUY,
YOUR AVERAGE JOE.
135
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:09,845
I GUESS SOMEONE YOU AND I
WOULD CALL A LOSER.
136
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:15,559
SO OF COURSE, I THOUGHT OF YOU.
137
00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:18,770
WE'D LIKE YOU TO ASK
PRESIDENT FORD A QUESTION.
138
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,230
AHHH...
139
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,109
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?
140
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,402
I SAY NO, THANK YOU,
141
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:28,780
AND I WANT MY
CRESCENT WRENCH BACK.
142
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,031
I'LL DO IT.
143
00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:33,743
NO, NO. YOU KEEP WORKING
ON YOUR PIES, HEH HEH.
144
00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,126
JUST IMAGINE, RED.
YOU, THE LITTLE GUY,
145
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,494
GET TO HAVE YOUR OPINIONS HEARD
146
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:44,421
BY THE MOST
POWERFUL MAN IN AMERICA.
147
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,340
TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF THIS OPPORTUNITY.
148
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:51,845
TURN THAT LIGHT OFF!
149
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,722
SORRY.
150
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,464
LOOK, GUYS, WE
GOTTA DO SOMETHING
151
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:58,882
THAT SAYS WE WILL NOT PAY HOMAGE
152
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,897
TO A CORRUPT ELECTORAL SYSTEM.
153
00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:07,027
I KNOW. A BLOODY COUP!
154
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,653
THAT'S GOOD...
155
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:10,381
BUT WE'RE LOOKING
FOR SOMETHING GREAT...
156
00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:12,206
SOMETHING THAT WOULD
MAKE OUR FOUNDING FATHERS
157
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:15,452
PROUD, MAN, YOU KNOW?
158
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,372
LET'S STREAK!
159
00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,541
BINGO!
160
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:22,542
YEAH! I'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO DO THAT.
161
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:25,795
JUST RUN BUCK NAKED
THROUGH A SEA OF PEOPLE.
162
00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:28,590
BE FREE AND SHAKE IT AROUND.
163
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,383
ALL RIGHT, WHO'S IN?
164
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:31,551
WILL PEOPLE BE CHASING US
165
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:35,430
WITH TORCHES AND POINTY STICKS?
166
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:36,598
NO.
167
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,183
THEN I AM IN.
168
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,434
GREAT!
169
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:42,646
ERIC... ARE YOU IN?
170
00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:44,105
OK, STREAKING. I'M...
171
00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:47,025
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
I'M COMPLETELY PRO-NUDITY...
172
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,735
BUT I THINK MY DAD
MIGHT KILL ME,
173
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:52,405
AND I'M ANTI-BEING KILLED.
174
00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:54,824
HEY, IF THERE WASN'T
SOME HUGE DOWNSIDE
175
00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:56,618
TO DOING SOMETHING THIS STUPID,
176
00:08:56,786 --> 00:09:00,330
IT WOULDN'T BE
WORTH DOING, YOU KNOW?
177
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,082
GOOD POINT.
178
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,251
OH! AND I COULD WRITE
SOME REALLY GREAT SLOGAN
179
00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:06,795
LIKE "I HATE THE FUZZ"
ON MY ASS.
180
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:11,996
IF YOU HATE
THE FUZZ ON YOUR ASS,
181
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:14,386
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHAVE IT OFF?
182
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:32,362
PRETTY SNAZZY, EH?
183
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,573
LOOKING GOOD, DAD.
184
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,366
I GOT ONE FOR YOU, TOO.
185
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,618
WE'RE GONNA WEAR THEM
TO MEET THE PRESIDENT.
186
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,120
NO. NO WAY.
187
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,205
HONEY, YOU'RE MISSING
THE BIG PICTURE.
188
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:45,000
LEMME GO GET THE OTHER
JUMPSUITS. YOU'LL SEE.
189
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,588
MOM, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
190
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,798
HONEY, THERE ARE
LOTS OF THINGS I DO
191
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:55,176
TO MAKE YOUR FATHER HAPPY
THAT I DON'T REALLY LIKE.
192
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,764
MOM... EEUGHH!
193
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:03,393
OH, NO, NOT THAT. I LOVE THAT.
194
00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:09,190
I MEANT LIKE FISHING.
195
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:11,151
SEE? WHEN WE STAND TOGETHER,
196
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:15,113
WE'RE THE AMERICAN FLAG.
197
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,641
I'M NOT WEARING
A STRIPED JUMPSUIT.
198
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,408
OH, NO, HONEY.
199
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,201
YOU'RE THE FIELD OF BLUE.
200
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:21,494
THAT'S RIGHT.
201
00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,038
BYE NOW.
202
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:28,835
BUT, DONNA,
YOU'RE PART OF THE FAMILY.
203
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,254
OH, MY, THIS HURTS.
204
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,965
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
205
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:34,758
YELLO?
206
00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:37,093
GOOD NEWS, BOB.
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT,
207
00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:41,139
AND I'VE DECIDED I WILL
ASK FORD A QUESTION.
208
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:44,809
OH, JEEZ, RED.
THIS IS GOOD NEWS...
209
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,604
AND I COULD SURE USE IT
RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
210
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:51,066
YEAH, WELL... GLAD I COULD HELP.
211
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:57,614
OH, I'M GONNA ASK HIM
A QUESTION, ALL RIGHT,
212
00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:00,533
AND IT'S GONNA BE
A DAMN GOOD ONE.
213
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:02,035
RED...
214
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,870
NOW, DON'T WORRY.
215
00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,580
I'M SIMPLY GONNA ASK HIM
216
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:08,667
HOW THE HELL HE'S GONNA
FIX THIS ECONOMY.
217
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,669
OH, HONEY,
HE WOULDN'T KNOW THAT.
218
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:13,421
HE'S THE PRESIDENT.
219
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:21,763
ALL THIS FOOD FOR 45 CENTS.
220
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,099
IT IS UNBELIEVABLE.
221
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:34,150
OH, I SEE.
222
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:38,571
SO, FORMAN...
223
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:39,823
THE RALLY'S TONIGHT, MAN.
224
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:40,740
WHAT'S YOUR DECISION?
225
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:42,325
YEAH. ARE YOU GONNA
STREAK OR NOT?
226
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:43,493
DON'T PRESSURE HIM.
227
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:47,247
NO. I'VE BEEN DOING
SOME THINKING, AND... I'M IN.
228
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,039
ALL RIGHT.
229
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,458
WELL, YOU'RE GONNA LOOK
LIKE A BUNCH OF IDIOTS.
230
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:54,295
A BUNCH OF NAKED IDIOTS.
231
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:58,591
THANKS, KELSO.
232
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,468
IT CAN'T GO BEYOND THIS TABLE.
233
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,276
IF MY FATHER FINDS OUT
WHAT WE'VE PLANNED,
234
00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:04,973
HE WILL NAIL ME TO THE WALL.
235
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:16,776
WHY ARE YOU ALL SITTING ON
ONE SIDE OF THE TABLE, HUH?
236
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:32,375
OK, NOW. MAKE WAY FOR
MY PRESIDENTIAL PIES.
237
00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:35,211
SEE? CHERRY,
MOCK APPLE, BLUEBERRY.
238
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,671
SEE THAT? RED, WHITE, AND BLUE.
239
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:41,968
IT'S LIKE THE BEGINNING
TO LOVE, AMERICAN STYLE IN PIE!
240
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:44,679
LOOK. LOOKIT. SEE, HONEY?
241
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:47,265
YOU'RE NOT LOOKING.
242
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,684
YEAH, PIE.
243
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:53,021
HERE, DAD. MR. PINCIOTTI
WANTED ME TO GIVE YOU THIS.
244
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,189
WHAT IS IT?
245
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:56,691
IT'S YOUR QUESTION
FOR PRESIDENT FORD.
246
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,486
BUT I'M WORKING ON MY QUESTION
FOR PRESIDENT FORD.
247
00:12:59,653 --> 00:13:03,948
RIGHT. WELL, THIS IS THE ONE
THE COMMITTEE MADE UP FOR YOU.
248
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,951
"WHAT HAS BEEN
YOUR FAVORITE PARADE?"
249
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,038
THIS IS ASININE.
250
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:10,663
MACY'S?
251
00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:11,456
NO CONTEST.
252
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,541
RIGHT.
253
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,210
CAN I BORROW YOUR TRENCH COAT?
254
00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:18,338
I CAN ASK THE PRESIDENT
ANY DAMN THING I WANT.
255
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,256
IT'S MY RIGHT.
256
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:23,092
I'M NOT GONNA BE A PUPPET
FOR BOB'S COMMITTEE.
257
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:24,344
RIGHT. I'LL TAKE REAL
GOOD CARE OF IT,
258
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,221
AND I'LL BRING IT BACK
AS SOON AS I POSSIBLY CAN.
259
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:28,014
HONEY, JUST TAKE
THE COAT AND LEAVE.
260
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:36,182
NO. ERIC, A MAN HAS
TO STAND UP AND BE HEARD.
261
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,566
I WILL NOT SIT QUIETLY BY
262
00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:42,403
WHILE EVERYTHING IS
TAKEN AWAY FROM ME.
263
00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:46,658
THEY TOOK MY JOB...
MY STABILITY...
264
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:50,912
AND NOW THEY WANNA TAKE AWAY
MY RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH.
265
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,163
YOU STILL HAVE THE TOYOTA.
266
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:56,459
IT GETS GREAT MILEAGE.
267
00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:59,879
WHERE'S THE AMERICA
THAT I KNEW AS A BOY?
268
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:02,924
WHERE?
269
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:07,804
YOU TELL ME, DEAR GOD... WHERE?
270
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:15,436
OK, I REALLY HATE BEING
IN THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW.
271
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:20,525
OK. WHEN THE PRESIDENT
STARTS HIS SPEECH HERE,
272
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:24,404
I'LL BLOW MY OSCAR MEYER
WHISTLE, AND WE GO.
273
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,332
DID YOU WRITE
"I HATE THE FUZZ" ON YOUR BUTT?
274
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,784
YEAH. DONNA, HERE'S
YOUR LIPSTICK BACK.
275
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,662
KEEP IT.
276
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:35,999
YOU GOT THE MASKS?
277
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,917
YEAH. I GOT THREE
SNOOPYS AND ONE NIXON.
278
00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:39,377
NOT IT! NOT IT! NOT IT!
279
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:40,545
DAMN!
280
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:42,031
FEZ, HOW'D YOU KNOW
HOW TO DO THAT?
281
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:45,383
MY COUNTRY INVENTED "NOT IT."
282
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,676
SO, CAN WE GO ALREADY?
283
00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:49,929
I'M ITCHIN' TO RELEASE
THE HOUND HERE.
284
00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:51,723
IT'S GO TIME.
285
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,934
OH, WELL, NOW LOOK AT YOU GUYS.
286
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:58,521
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU
YOUNG PEOPLE AND COLUMBO?
287
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:02,567
BYE.
288
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:03,818
AREN'T YOU GOING, DONNA?
289
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:06,112
NO. MY DAD'S GONNA MAKE ME WEAR
290
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,239
THIS REALLY QUEER JUMPSUIT.
291
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:09,532
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT.
292
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,243
IT'S JUST TOO EMBARRASSING.
293
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:14,037
YOU KNOW, DONNA,
294
00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:16,706
MY GRANDMOTHER CAME FROM SWEDEN,
295
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:19,042
AND SHE HAD THIS
THICK, THICK ACCENT,
296
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,085
AND IT EMBARRASSED ME TO NO END.
297
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:24,964
WELL, I ASKED HER NOT TO COME
TO MY HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION
298
00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:27,759
'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT
MY FRIENDS TO HEAR HER TALK,
299
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,594
AND SHE DIDN'T COME.
300
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:35,058
SIXTEEN YEARS LATER,
SHE GOT THE GOUT AND DIED.
301
00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:37,310
YOU SEE?
302
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:38,811
NO.
303
00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:40,813
ALL FAMILIES ARE EMBARRASSING.
304
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:45,318
AND IF THEY'RE NOT EMBARRASSING,
THEN THEY'RE DEAD.
305
00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:52,659
ALL RIGHT,
TRY AND BLEND IN, HUH?
306
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,161
I COULDN'T LEAVE YOU
SITTING ALONE LIKE THAT,
307
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:57,413
SO I CAME OVER,
AND HERE YOU ARE.
308
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:01,376
HEY, ARE YOU HITTING
ON MY GIRLFRIEND?
309
00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:02,293
MICHAEL, HE'S NOT...
310
00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:03,836
HEY, MAN! ALL RIGHT,
YOU WANNA GO?
311
00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:05,588
YEAH, LET'S GO!
312
00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:09,050
YOU ARE SO LUCKY I'M NAKED, PAL!
313
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,218
SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
314
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:15,890
THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE
A BLUE FIELD OF STARS THERE.
315
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:21,896
OH, HONEY!
316
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:28,152
[SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE]
317
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,573
NOW, IF WE JUST START
TO SWAY BACK AND FORTH,
318
00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:35,827
IT'LL LOOK LIKE THE FLAG
IS WAVING IN THE WIND.
319
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,412
OH, GOD.
320
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:40,540
[LOUDER APPLAUSE]
321
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:50,717
HEY, THERE'S ANOTHER GUY
IN A TRENCH COAT.
322
00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:52,343
I BET HE'S A STREAKER, TOO.
323
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,470
NO, FEZ. HE'S
WITH SECRET SERVICE.
324
00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:55,722
HOW ABOUT THAT MAN?
325
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:56,889
YEAH, SECRET SERVICE.
326
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,016
AND THAT MAN?
327
00:16:58,058 --> 00:16:59,308
YEAH. YEAH.
328
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:00,268
AND THAT MAN WITH THE DOG?
329
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:01,519
LYEAH...
330
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,854
OH, THE DOG IS LOOKING AT US.
331
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:03,604
COME HERE, BOY.
332
00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:05,398
NO, FEZ.
333
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:08,484
OHH! MAN, I JUST
THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.
334
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:09,861
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
335
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,709
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO
WITH OUR TRENCH COATS?
336
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:12,488
I MEAN, AFTER WE RIP 'EM OFF,
337
00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:14,365
WE CAN'T COME BACK HERE
AND GET THEM.
338
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,534
OH, SHUCKS! OHH!
339
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,411
GOD, THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
340
00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,788
YOU KNOW WHAT?
341
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:23,875
I'LL HOLD THE COATS.
YOU GUYS STREAK.
342
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,252
THANKS. THANKS...
343
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:29,255
I JUST THOUGHT
OF SOMETHING, TOO.
344
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,466
WE'RE... NAKED...
345
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:35,553
AND THERE'S A LOT OF DOGS HERE.
346
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,848
MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST SIT DOWN.
347
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,016
ME, TOO.
348
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,477
ME, TOO. OK.
349
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,314
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
350
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:49,525
THE PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,
351
00:17:49,693 --> 00:17:52,070
GERALD R. FORD!
352
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,696
YAY! HOORAY! YAY!
353
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,948
OOH! [GASPS] [THUD]
354
00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,325
YAY! HOORAY!
355
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,327
[THUD] OOH! [GASPS]
356
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:00,495
YAY! HOORAY!
357
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,663
[THUD] OH! OOH!
358
00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:05,416
YAY! YAY! HOORAY!
359
00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:16,969
HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HIDING OVER... OK.
360
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:18,387
BACK OFF.
361
00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:21,474
I AM A FLAG.
362
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:22,892
ARE YOU GONNA STREAK?
363
00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:24,894
NO. WE TOOK A VOTE,
AND IT'S UNANIMOUS.
364
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,271
WE'RE ALL VERY CHICKEN.
365
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:28,481
THAT'S TOO BAD.
366
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,067
IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE
I'VE SEEN YOU NAKED.
367
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:32,944
YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME NAKED.
368
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,737
A GAZILLION TIMES.
369
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:35,696
WE WERE KIDS,
370
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:37,198
AND YOU WERE ALWAYS RUNNING
AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD NAKED
371
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:40,076
SCREAMING "WEE WEE! PEE PEE!"
372
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,869
IT WAS FUNNY.
373
00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:44,747
NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE Q&A
PORTION OF OUR PROGRAM.
374
00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:48,751
FIRST UP, I'D LIKE TO
INTRODUCE RED FORMAN.
375
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:51,546
RED IS THE FATHER
OF TWO WONDERFUL CHILDREN,
376
00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:53,464
AND HOW HE'S MANAGED
TO KEEP THEM CLOTHED
377
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,508
AND FED WHILE BEING CUT BACK
TO HALF-TIME AT THE PLANT
378
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,593
IS BEYOND ME.
379
00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:59,887
BUT HE DOESN'T BLAME THE
PRESIDENT FOR HIS MISFORTUNE.
380
00:19:00,055 --> 00:19:02,932
NO, SIR. HE ONLY BLAMES HIMSELF.
381
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,268
I GIVE YOU RED FORMAN.
382
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:19,615
UM...
383
00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:20,908
[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]
384
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:29,458
AHEM.
385
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,586
MR., UH, PRESIDENT...
386
00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:33,337
AHEM.
387
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:41,554
I, UH...
388
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:46,851
[IN SLOW MOTION] COME ON, RED.
389
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:52,899
YOUR DAD IS BOMBING.
390
00:20:20,427 --> 00:20:21,510
WEE WEE!
391
00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:22,678
PEE PEE!
392
00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:23,930
WEE WEE!
393
00:20:24,097 --> 00:20:26,807
PEE PEE!
394
00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:30,394
AAH!
395
00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:42,365
HEY, GERRY.
396
00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,909
HERE'S MY QUESTION.
397
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:48,537
HOW THE HELL COULD
YOU PARDON NIXON?
398
00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:03,135
HEY, SON.
399
00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:04,595
HI, DAD.
400
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:08,015
HEY, UM, GOOD JOB
AT THE RALLY TODAY.
401
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,517
NOT BAD.
402
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:13,521
I KINDA STUMBLED THERE
AT THE START, BUT, UH...
403
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:16,524
I THINK I NAILED HIM
WITH A GOOD ONE.
404
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:18,859
WELL, ANYWAY, IT WAS...
405
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:21,195
IT WAS PRETTY COOL.
406
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,781
YEAH, WELL...
407
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:27,410
SOMETIMES A MAN'S GOTTA DO...
408
00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:31,038
WHAT HE THINKS IS RIGHT.
409
00:21:32,207 --> 00:21:34,959
YEAH. I'M GONNA CALL IT A NIGHT.
410
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:37,336
ALL RIGHT, SON.
411
00:21:37,504 --> 00:21:39,588
GOOD NIGHT.
412
00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:41,799
GOOD NIGHT, DAD.
413
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:44,135
OH, AND, UH...
414
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:45,845
NEXT TIME, DON'T
WEAR BLACK SOCKS.
415
00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:48,431
YOU LOOKED LIKE AN ASS.
416
00:21:57,774 --> 00:21:59,817
HOW COULD THEY NOT CATCH YOU?
417
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:04,155
I GUESS NO ONE WANTS
TO TACKLE A NAKED GUY.
418
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,116
SO TRUE.
419
00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:08,826
HEY, YOU DIDN'T, UH...
420
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:10,274
YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING,
DID YOU?
421
00:22:10,370 --> 00:22:11,954
NO.
422
00:22:13,415 --> 00:22:15,207
WELL...
423
00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:17,001
MAYBE JUST A BIT,
424
00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:19,962
BUT NOT... NOT THE BIT.
425
00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:23,883
WAIT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN "BIT"?
426
00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:25,509
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER
PRODUCTIONS AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
427
00:22:25,677 --> 00:22:27,136
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.
428
00:22:27,304 --> 00:22:30,984
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT
PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
29407
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