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[ENGINE REVVING]
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[TIRES PEEL]
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[PETTICOAT JUNCTION
PLAYING ON TV]
4
00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:15,431
DOES IT BOTHER ANYBODY ELSE
5
00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:18,976
THAT THESE WOMEN
LIVE IN HOOTERVILLE?
6
00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:20,019
TECHNICALLY, PETTICOAT JUNCTION
7
00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:21,770
IS DOWN THE TRACK
FROM HOOTERVILLE.
8
00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:22,771
OK, DOES IT BOTHER ANYBODY ELSE
9
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:25,899
THAT THEY LIVE DOWN
THE TRACK FROM HOOTERVILLE?
10
00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:26,692
IT BOTHERS ME
11
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THAT THEY BATHE IN
THE TOWN WATER TANK.
12
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,572
WITH THE DOG.
13
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IT ISN'T THE DRINKING WATER.
14
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IT IS THE WATER FOR THE TRAIN.
15
00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,327
IT'S STILL THREE
NAKED WOMEN WITH A DOG.
16
00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:40,414
I WANT TO BE
THE HOOTERVILLE DOG.
17
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,293
COMING DOWN.
18
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:45,461
NOW DON'T MIND ME.
19
00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:47,296
I'M JUST PUTTING
SOME CLOTHES IN.
20
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:50,632
ERIC, HONEY, I THOUGHT YOU COULD
WEAR THIS ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.
21
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,594
IT'S NICE. YOU LOOK
SO HANDSOME IN IT.
22
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,888
WHY WOULD I WANT TO
DRESS NICE ON MY BIRTHDAY?
23
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,056
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?
24
00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:57,931
OH, YOU NEVER KNOW
25
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:01,268
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN
ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.
26
00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:05,064
MOM. MOM, DO NOT THROW
A PARTY FOR ME.
27
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,191
OH, WELL, LISTEN
TO MR. POPULARITY.
28
00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:10,819
LIKE I HAVE TIME
TO PLAN YOU A PARTY.
29
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,156
OH...
30
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,075
BY THE WAY, YOUR SISTER LAURIE
31
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,827
IS COMING HOME
FROM COLLEGE FOR THE WEEKEND.
32
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NO SPECIAL REASON. SHE JUST IS.
33
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,084
WELL, YOU'RE GETTING A PARTY,
34
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,503
AND, BEST OF ALL,
IT'S A SURPRISE.
35
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,505
I JUST REALIZED
DONNA'S OLDER THAN YOU.
36
00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:30,672
ONLY BY A MONTH.
37
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:31,882
GOOD FOR YOU, ERIC.
38
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,050
GOOD FOR ME, WHAT?
39
00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:35,677
IN MY COUNTRY, IT IS GOOD LUCK
40
00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,245
TO FALL IN LOVE WITH
AN OLDER WOMAN.
41
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:38,764
FEZ. FEZ.
42
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,141
NO. THEY COME WITH LIVESTOCK.
43
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♪ HANGIN' OUT ♪
44
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:50,025
♪ DOWN THE STREET ♪
45
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:53,695
♪ THE SAME OLD THING ♪
46
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:57,074
♪ WE DID LAST WEEK ♪
47
00:01:57,242 --> 00:02:01,286
♪ NOT A THING TO DO ♪
48
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:04,498
♪ BUT TALK TO YOU ♪
49
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,042
♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪♪
50
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,044
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER
PRODUCTIONS AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
51
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:12,506
HELLO, WISCONSIN!
52
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:17,427
♪ HEY! LITTLE GIRL ♪
53
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:29,189
MORNING.
54
00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:32,484
UH-UH.
55
00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:35,779
I'LL GET IT.
56
00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:42,494
UH-UH.
57
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,454
I'LL GET IT.
58
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:50,794
DID I JUST SEE ABOUT SEVEN BAGS
OF POTATO CHIPS IN THERE?
59
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:53,380
THEY WERE ON SALE.
60
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,300
PLEASE DON'T THROW ME A PARTY.
61
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:57,593
I'M NOT THROWING A PARTY.
62
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:58,510
DON'T GIVE HIM ONE.
63
00:02:58,678 --> 00:02:59,469
I'M NOT.
64
00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,138
HE'S TOO OLD
FOR A SURPRISE PARTY.
65
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:02,556
I'M AGREEING WITH YOU.
66
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:03,348
THEN STOP YELLING.
67
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,726
I'M NOT YELLING.
68
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,014
LOOK, I KNOW MONEY IS TIGHT,
69
00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:08,562
SO I DON'T WANT A BIG BIRTHDAY.
70
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:12,024
I'LL DECIDE WHEN MONEY IS TIGHT.
71
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,318
NOW, WHAT KIND OF GIFT
DO YOU WANT?
72
00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:15,777
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COST,
73
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,030
AS LONG AS IT'S REASONABLE.
74
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:21,658
OK. I WOULD LIKE A
CASSETTE PLAYER FOR THE CAR.
75
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:24,661
A CASSETTE. NOT AN 8-TRACK.
76
00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:27,915
NO 8-TRACK, OK?
77
00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:29,249
YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW
WHY THEY DON'T JUST PUT
78
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,627
RECORD PLAYERS IN CARS.
79
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:35,589
THE POINT IS,
80
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,674
I DON'T WANT
AN 8-TRACK TAPE PLAYER.
81
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:38,842
THEN YOU WON'T GET ONE.
82
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:40,677
OH, BUT, HONEY, HE WANTS ONE.
83
00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:44,264
NO. I WANT A TAPE PLAYER,
JUST NOT AN 8-TRACK.
84
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,432
YOU'RE GETTIN' A DELCO...
85
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:46,767
A GENUINE GM PART
86
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:50,562
FOR YOUR GENUINE GM CAR.
87
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:51,647
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A DELCO.
88
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:52,814
IT'S JUST FOR MUSIC.
89
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,817
OH, NOW SEE,
NOW THERE'S YOUR FIRST MISTAKE.
90
00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:58,570
PARTS HAVE TO BE
COMPATIBLE, ERIC.
91
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:05,202
YOU'RE NOT BURNING CHEAP GAS
IN THAT CAR, ARE YOU?
92
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:06,954
NO, SIR.
93
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:10,916
WELL, I'M GOING OUT.
94
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,292
OH. OH, GOOD.
95
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:16,296
UM, I WANT YOU TO RUN
TO THE STORE FOR ME,
96
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:17,756
GET A LARGE CAN OF FROSTING
97
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,883
AND 15 SMALL BAGS OF M&Ms,
98
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:23,011
PLAIN, NOT PEANUTS.
99
00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:29,309
THEY'RE FOR YOUR SISTER.
100
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,442
OH.
101
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:40,028
THAT WAS CLOSE.
102
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:51,540
SO?
103
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:52,708
WHAT?
104
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,793
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
GET ERIC FOR HIS BIRTHDAY?
105
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,378
I DON'T KNOW.
106
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,588
NOTHING SEEMS RIGHT.
107
00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:01,717
I WANNA GIVE HIM
SOMETHING SPECIAL.
108
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,138
HE KISSED YOU!
109
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:06,805
SHH.
110
00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:07,431
GET IN THE CAR.
111
00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:10,559
DONNA, GET IN THE CAR
SO WE CAN TALK.
112
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,356
OK, WHAT HAPPENED?
113
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,859
JACKIE, I'M NOT GONNA
TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS.
114
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,194
THEN WHO ARE YOU GONNA TALK TO?
115
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:24,531
[FARTING NOISES]
116
00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:28,118
OK. WE GET HOME FROM
THE RUNDGREN CONCERT,
117
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,911
AND I'M SITTING ON
THE HOOD OF THE CAR
118
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,288
AND I KISSED HIM.
119
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:34,082
FRENCH OR AMERICAN?
120
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:34,833
I CAN'T BELIEVE
121
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,460
I'M TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THIS.
122
00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:39,171
GUYS, NO!
123
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,425
OK. SO...
124
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,844
LOOK, I'VE LIVED NEXT DOOR
TO ERIC MY ENTIRE LIFE,
125
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,262
AND WE TALK ABOUT
EVERYTHING TOGETHER.
126
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,473
WE LOVE THE SAME MUSIC,
WE LOVE THE PACKERS.
127
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,280
THEN I KISSED HIM,
AND EVERYTHING CHANGED.
128
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,351
AND NOW I DON'T KNOW
IF HE'S MY BOYFRIEND
129
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:53,185
OF IF HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.
130
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,728
IF HE'S MY BOYFRIEND,
I LOSE MY BEST FRIEND.
131
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:55,604
IF I SCREW IT UP,
132
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,314
I LOSE MY BEST FRIEND
AND MY BOYFRIEND.
133
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:58,857
NOW I HAVE TO GET HIM
THIS GIFT, AND I DON'T...
134
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,984
DONNA. DONNA!
135
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,321
I'VE SOLVED IT.
136
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:07,366
GET HIM A SCENTED CANDLE.
137
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:10,285
A SCENTED CANDLE?
138
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:13,080
IT'S PRACTICAL AND ROMANTIC.
139
00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:15,123
OH, YEAH.
140
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,335
HEY! HEY!
141
00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:20,087
HEY! HEY! HEY!
142
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,049
I HAD THE BALL LAST. I WIN.
143
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,550
NO, YOU DIDN'T WIN.
144
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:27,302
YES. I HAD THE BALL LAST. I...
145
00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:31,932
HOLY MOTHER.
146
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:37,354
[DEEP VOICE] HELLO, LAURIE.
147
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:38,814
HELLO, KELSO.
148
00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:40,774
HYDE.
149
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:44,986
WHO IS THE GODDESS?
150
00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:47,823
THE GODDESS IS ERIC'S SISTER.
151
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:48,698
SHE'S NOT A GODDESS.
152
00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:50,450
SHE'S MORE THE EARTH MOTHER-
WHORE TYPE,
153
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:52,661
WHICH WORKS FOR ME.
154
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,165
LAURIE.
155
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:58,333
ERIC.
156
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,335
SHOULDN'T YOU PUT
SOME CLOTHES ON?
157
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:01,211
WHY?
158
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,630
AREN'T YOU A LITTLE COLD?
159
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,549
NO. IN FACT, I'M HOT.
160
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:09,136
OH, WELL THEN WHY
DON'T YOU GO UPSTAIRS?
161
00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:11,680
I AM WAITING FOR MY JEANS
TO COME OUT OF THE DRYER,
162
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,390
AND I WANT YOU
TO STAY OFF MY CASE.
163
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,642
IT'LL ONLY TAKE ME A MINUTE.
164
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:19,521
I DON'T THINK KELSO'S
GONNA LAST THAT LONG.
165
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:20,272
TOO BAD.
166
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,774
IT'S NOT LIKE I'M COMPLETELY
NAKED UNDER THIS.
167
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,359
I'M WEARING UNDERWEAR.
168
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:25,527
SEE?
169
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,738
OH! AY!
170
00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:29,489
IF WE WERE AT THE BEACH,
171
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:30,907
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN NOTICE ME.
172
00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,075
IF WE WERE AT THE BEACH,
173
00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:35,162
KELSO WOULD BE IN
THE WATER RIGHT NOW.
174
00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:40,709
SO I UNDERSTAND
YOU HAVE THE WAGON NOW.
175
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:41,793
I WANT TO BORROW IT
TOMORROW NIGHT.
176
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,211
I NEED IT.
177
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,838
OK, BUT I NEED A FAVOR.
178
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,882
FOR YOU, I DON'T THINK SO.
179
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,425
COME ON.
180
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:49,050
LOOK, JUST TELL MOM
181
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:51,303
I'M TOO OLD FOR
SURPRISE PARTIES.
182
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,512
BUT YOU'RE THE BABY,
183
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,682
AND MAMA LOVES HER BABY.
184
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:56,349
WELL, IF YOU DO IT,
185
00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:57,797
YOU CAN BORROW
THE VISTA CRUISER.
186
00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:58,435
ALL NIGHT.
187
00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,854
ALL NIGHT?
188
00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,272
FINE.
189
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,149
THEN IT'S A DEAL...
190
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,234
BABY.
191
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,325
WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
192
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:16,745
WHOA-HO.
193
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,538
YEAH.
194
00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:24,377
YOUR SISTER WANTS ME.
195
00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:27,005
I MEAN, YOU SAW HER
COMING ON TO ME, RIGHT?
196
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:30,342
LET HIM GO.
197
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,386
REMEMBER? I SAID,
"HELLO, LAURIE."
198
00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:35,180
AND LAURIE SAID...
199
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,431
HELLO, KELSO.
200
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:37,390
I'M WAITING,
201
00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:39,100
AND I WANT YOU, BABY.
202
00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:40,560
TAKE ME NOW.
203
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,062
I NEED IT BAD.
204
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,355
I NEED IT ALL NIGHT.
205
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,524
AND MAMA LOVES HER BABY.
206
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,108
I'M COMPLETELY NAKED UNDER THIS.
207
00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:49,236
AND I'M HOT FOR YOU, KELSO.
208
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:01,540
WHAT?
209
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,375
YOU DIDN'T SEE IT?
210
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:06,711
[CAT CATERWAULING]
211
00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:09,130
GET OUTTA THE YARD!
212
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:17,681
SO, HOW'S YOUR FRIEND... JANIS?
213
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,891
PREGNANT.
214
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,185
OH, SHE WAS SUCH A NICE GIRL.
215
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,980
HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?
216
00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:26,898
WELL, FIRST THE EGG TRAVELS
217
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,817
DOWN THE FALLOPIAN TUBE
TO THE UTERUS,
218
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,443
WHERE IT ATTACHES TO THE WALL.
219
00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,362
ERIC, FOR GOD SAKES,
220
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:36,658
THAT'S NO LANGUAGE
FOR A WOMAN TO HEAR.
221
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:39,369
IT'S OK, RED. I KNOW
WHAT A FALLOPIAN TUBE IS.
222
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:42,289
I THINK MOM DOES, TOO.
223
00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:44,040
WELL, I JUST DON'T
LIKE MY LITTLE BOY
224
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,418
BANDYING THOSE WORDS ABOUT.
225
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,754
YOU'RE STILL MY BABY.
226
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,798
THANKS, MOM.
227
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:55,010
LAURIE.
228
00:09:55,177 --> 00:10:00,557
QUIT STARING AT YOUR SISTER
AND EAT YOUR CARROTS.
229
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:01,891
OH, YEAH. ERIC WANTED ME
TO TELL YOU
230
00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:04,436
THAT HE THINKS
HE'S TOO OLD FOR A PARTY.
231
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,522
KEYS.
232
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,149
THERE'S NO PARTY.
233
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:12,444
LAURIE, LOOSE LIPS...
234
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,403
OH, LAURIE, I JUST REMEMBERED
235
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:14,931
I CAN'T LOAN YOU
THE VISTA CRUISER,
236
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:18,658
ON ACCOUNT OF I HATE YOU.
237
00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:21,369
LAURIE, YOU'RE NOT DRIVING
THE VISTA CRUISER.
238
00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:23,163
IT'S OLD AND UNDEPENDABLE.
239
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:23,997
IT COULD BREAK DOWN,
240
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:27,375
AND YOU'D BE AT THE MERCY OF
ANY MANIAC WHO CAME ALONG.
241
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,544
THAT'S OK FOR ERIC,
242
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,588
BUT YOU'RE TAKING THE TOYOTA.
243
00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:39,220
OH, AND, UM... HERE'S A 20.
244
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:42,515
WILL THAT COVER GAS?
245
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:43,308
OH, WELL, IT SHOULD...
246
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:48,188
HONEY. HONEY, GIVE HER
ANOTHER 10 JUST IN CASE.
247
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,524
UH, I COULD PROBABLY
USE SOME GAS MONEY.
248
00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:54,152
YEAH, AND IF A FROG HAD WINGS,
249
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,447
HE WOULDN'T BUMP HIS ASS
WHEN HE HOPS.
250
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,410
[DOORBELL RINGING]
251
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:07,415
I'M COMING, I'M COMING.
252
00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:08,958
DONNA?
253
00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:10,794
DONNA, IT'S 3 A.M.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
254
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,170
CRAZY?
255
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:16,174
CRAZY IN LOVE WITH YOU.
256
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:16,883
WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOU
257
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:20,011
THAT DRIVES ME WILD
WITH PASSION AND DESIRE?
258
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,514
WELL, I AM...
259
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,308
17 NOW.
260
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:28,436
SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN.
261
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:33,566
I HAVE TO GIVE YOU
YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
262
00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:36,528
IT CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER.
263
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,531
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
264
00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:44,244
THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT?
265
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,996
NO, THAT'S MY NIGHTGOWN.
266
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,623
I'M YOUR PRESENT.
267
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:51,209
OPEN YOUR EYES, BIRTHDAY BOY.
268
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:52,043
SURPRISE! SURPRISE! SURPRISE!
269
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,586
AAH!
270
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,549
A BIRTHDAY BREAKFAST,
271
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,050
AND THIS IS IT, YOUNG MAN.
272
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,886
A FEW GIFTS TONIGHT,
AND THE END.
273
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,304
AND IT IS TOO LATE
274
00:12:03,472 --> 00:12:05,223
TO CHANGE YOUR MIND
ABOUT A PARTY NOW.
275
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,711
SO DON'T THINK
YOU'RE GETTING ONE,
276
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:10,687
OR YOU WILL BE
SORELY DISAPPOINTED.
277
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:17,068
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
278
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,611
YOU KNOW, UH...
279
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:22,574
THE LAWN'S NOT GONNA CUT ITSELF.
280
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,200
THANKS, MOM.
281
00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:25,452
DAD.
282
00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:26,870
HEY, LITTLE BROTHER.
283
00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:28,413
NICE TENT.
284
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:47,056
LOOK, I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE ALL DOING HERE.
285
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:50,185
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAN?
286
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:52,145
WE'RE JUST HANGING OUT
LIKE ALWAYS.
287
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,353
EXCEPT WE'RE DRESSED NICE,
288
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,732
BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
289
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,197
HI, KIDS.
290
00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:05,366
UM, I NEED YOUR HELP
WITH SOMETHING.
291
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:08,286
JACKIE, DONNA,
MICHAEL, STEVEN...
292
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,788
YOUNG MAN WITH AN ACCENT.
293
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:11,956
COULD YOU GIVE ME A HAND?
294
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,833
NOT YOU, ERIC.
295
00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:32,435
OH, GOD. I CAN'T TAKE IT.
296
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:35,230
BUT...
297
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:37,982
NO. NO.
298
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:41,361
NO, SIR.
299
00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:43,238
ERIC. ERIC, HONEY.
300
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:46,115
HONEY, COULD YOU COME
UP HERE FOR A SECOND?
301
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,785
SHUT UP. HE'S COMING.
302
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:52,622
All: SURPRISE!
303
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:56,835
WOW.
304
00:13:57,002 --> 00:14:00,296
I MEAN... YEAH.
305
00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:03,258
IT'S AN 8-TRACK TAPE PLAYER.
306
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:04,425
I SEE THAT.
307
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:05,510
JUST WHAT YOU ASKED FOR.
308
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,594
YOU MADE SUCH
A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT,
309
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:08,721
I WROTE IT DOWN.
310
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,934
CASSETTES.
311
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,727
GREAT. THANKS, HYDE.
312
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,020
YOU'RE WELCOME.
313
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:19,524
OH, LET'S PUT THEM IN
THE 8-TRACK AND PLAY THEM.
314
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,487
HEY. IT'S A HOT-SHAVE DISPENSER.
315
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:28,616
OH, HE WON'T NEED THAT
FOR A LONG TIME.
316
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,493
A LONG, LONG TIME.
317
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:31,327
OF COURSE HE WILL.
318
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:32,704
HE'S ALMOST LIKE A MAN.
319
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,623
[LAUGHING, SOBBING]
320
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:37,625
I GOT YOU SOMETHING.
321
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,670
NO. DONNA, HELP ME
FIND MY PURSE.
322
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:43,965
NOW.
323
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,051
JACKIE, YOU DIDN'T
EVEN BRING A PURSE.
324
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,053
DUH. YOU CAN'T GIVE
HIM YOUR PRESENT
325
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,763
IN FRONT OF HIS GUY FRIENDS.
326
00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:53,725
I AM ONE OF HIS GUY FRIENDS.
327
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:54,893
LOOK, DONNA, I'VE PUT
328
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,186
A LOT OF THOUGHT INTO THIS GIFT.
329
00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:59,731
PLEASE DO NOT WRECK THIS FOR ME.
330
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,024
I'M SORRY.
331
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:03,693
I GUESS I WAS BEING SELFISH.
332
00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:05,945
IT'S OK.
333
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,327
OK. IT'S TIME WE DISAPPEARED.
334
00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:14,621
WHAT, HONEY? HONEY,
THE PARTY JUST STARTED.
335
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:16,247
I KNOW, AND THAT'S WHY
WE'RE GOING OVER TO BOB'S.
336
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,207
WELL, I WANTED
TO GIVE ERIC A PARTY.
337
00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:19,918
AND YOU DID.
338
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:23,046
YOU MAKE A MESS,
YOU'RE ALL GROUNDED.
339
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:28,134
YOU DARN KIDS.
340
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,386
WELL, YOU KNOW, WHAT IF THEY
RUN OUT OF KETCHUP OR SOMETHING?
341
00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:31,262
LET'S GO.
342
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,598
OK. WELL, WE HAVE
MORE BUNS, AND, UH...
343
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:37,226
AND SWEET PICKLES
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE DILLS.
344
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:43,191
OK. I'D LOVE TO STAY,
BUT I'M LEAVING.
345
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:45,818
HEY, BUY US SOME BEERS,
WE'LL PAY DOUBLE.
346
00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:46,444
DO YOU REALLY THINK
347
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:49,614
THAT BEER WILL MAKE
YOUR LITTLE PARTY BETTER?
348
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,866
YES. YES. YEAH.
349
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:53,117
ALRIGHT, MAYBE IT WOULD
GIVE YOU YOUNG PEOPLE
350
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,369
A SENSE OF MATURITY,
351
00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:55,816
BUT IT WOULD BE
A FALSE MATURITY.
352
00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,538
AND THAT WOULD BE WRONG.
353
00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:59,040
SO YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT?
354
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:00,291
OF COURSE NOT.
355
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:00,959
NOW I'M GOING OFF
356
00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:03,211
TO JOIN MY LEGAL
FRIENDS AT A PARTY...
357
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,964
WITH A KEG. BYE.
358
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:11,594
SO... LAURIE,
359
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:12,303
WHERE'S THE PARTY?
360
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:13,930
YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE'LL...
361
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:17,016
CRUISE BY LATER.
362
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,852
IN YOUR DREAMS, YOU IDIOT.
363
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:25,316
OK. YOU GUYS HAD TO SEE THAT.
364
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,780
THREE FOURS. I NEED THEM.
365
00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:35,702
BOB IS VERY GOOD AT YAHTZEE.
366
00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:36,869
THE LIQUOR CABINET.
367
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:37,996
IT'S LOCKED.
368
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,748
WHAT IF THERE'S AN EMERGENCY?
369
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:41,708
THEY'LL CALL.
370
00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:42,792
WHAT IF THEY RUN OUT OF CHIPS?
371
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,252
THEY'LL STARVE.
372
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:47,130
I'M GONNA FIX MYSELF
A TOM COLLINS.
373
00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:48,381
RED?
374
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,508
NO. KITTY NEEDS ONE.
375
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:51,926
WELL, I AM JUST SO WORRIED.
376
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,095
OH, MY LORD, LAURIE'S LEAVING.
377
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,888
WELL, HONEY, SHE'S IN COLLEGE.
378
00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:57,724
SHE DOESN'T WANNA
HANG AROUND WITH THEM.
379
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,852
WELL, MAYBE I SHOULD
MAKE A CALL JUST IN CA...
380
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,647
KITTY.
381
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:12,071
WHAT COULD HAPPEN?
382
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:15,158
WELL, PLENTY COULD HAPPEN.
383
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:17,285
OH, PLENTY.
384
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:18,951
[KITTY'S VOICE THROUGHOUT]
385
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:20,538
NOW THAT THE ADULTS ARE GONE,
386
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:24,542
WE CAN BE AS BAD AS WE WANT.
387
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:28,755
WHO WANTS TO GIVE ERIC
A VENEREAL DISEASE?
388
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,133
HEY, LOOK. COASTERS.
389
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:35,803
FORGET COASTERS.
390
00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,096
PLEASE, FELLAS,
391
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:41,851
MY MOM PUT OUT
COASTERS FOR A REASON.
392
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,936
I THINK I'M GONNA PUT MY DRINK
393
00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:46,230
DIRECTLY ON THE FURNITURE.
394
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:50,526
THAT WAY, IT WILL LEAVE A RING.
395
00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:52,070
NO!
396
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:57,950
WHY, OH, WHY DIDN'T
I BEG MY MOTHER TO STAY?
397
00:17:58,118 --> 00:18:00,286
QUIET, YOU SILLY AMERICAN.
398
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,580
I AM MAKING A LONG DISTANCE CALL
399
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,833
ON YOUR PARENTS' PHONE.
400
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:07,919
BUT THAT'S IMMORAL.
401
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,338
HAH! IN MY COUNTRY OF...
402
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:13,674
WHEREVER IT IS I AM FROM,
I CAN NEVER TELL...
403
00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:16,427
MORALS GET IN THE WAY
OF A GOOD DIRTY TIME.
404
00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:20,056
BUT FIRST, I NEED
TO EAT SOME CHIPS.
405
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:22,934
WHAT? OUT OF CHIPS?!
406
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,852
NOW I AM MAD.
407
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:28,397
I MUST SHOOT SOMETHING.
408
00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:31,526
NOT THE LITTLEST HOBO!
409
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:39,575
WHY?
410
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:43,287
YOU'RE OVERREACTING.
411
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,331
OH, KITTY, WHEN VALERIE
WENT OFF TO SCHOOL,
412
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:46,499
I FELT THE SAME WAY.
413
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:51,129
BUT THIS LITTLE BOOK
OF POEMS HELPED ME.
414
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:55,174
IT'S CALLED
VERSES FROM AN EMPTY NEST.
415
00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:55,883
READ HER THAT ONE
416
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:58,469
ABOUT THE LITTLE BIRD
THAT LOST ITS WAY.
417
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,931
AHEM. "THE LITTLE BIRD
THAT ONCE DID SING"
418
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:04,642
IS NOW ALONE WITH BROKEN WING."
419
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,520
OH, GOD.
420
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,231
YUP. THAT SOUNDS NICE.
421
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:11,858
I NEED A REFILL.
422
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:13,234
BUT, HONEY, USUALLY
YOU ONLY DRINK ONE.
423
00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:15,528
WELL, TONIGHT I'M HAVING TWO.
424
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,448
WAIT ON THE PORCH,
AND I'LL GET ERIC.
425
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,325
IT'S DARK OUT THERE.
426
00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,703
AND YOU'RE GIVING HIM A CANDLE.
427
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:26,455
YEAH.
428
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:27,665
HERE. MATCHES.
429
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,033
HE MIGHT NOT WANT TO LIGHT IT.
430
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,502
DON'T SAY THAT.
DON'T EVEN THINK IT.
431
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:35,339
NOW, WHEN HE OPENS IT,
HE'LL SAY, "COOL"
432
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:36,507
OR SOMETHING.
433
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:42,430
AND THEN YOU GIVE HIM
A LOOK LIKE THIS...
434
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:46,184
WHAT DID YOU GET FROM DONNA?
435
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:47,810
NOTHING YET.
436
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:51,647
OH...
437
00:19:51,815 --> 00:19:55,610
MAYBE IT'S THE BIG GIFT.
438
00:19:55,777 --> 00:20:01,657
YOU KNOW, THE REALLY BIG GIFT.
439
00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:03,910
YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
440
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:07,163
WHEN I SAY
"THE BIG GIFT," RIGHT?
441
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:09,957
YEAH. WE GOT IT.
442
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:12,084
AND WE GOT IT.
443
00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:13,002
I'M NOT EVEN FROM HERE,
444
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:15,296
AND I GOT IT.
445
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:21,093
OH, ERIC, DONNA'S ON THE PORCH.
446
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:25,181
HE'S GETTING THE BIG GIFT.
447
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,311
OH, A SAND CANDLE.
448
00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:31,520
THIS IS VERY COOL.
449
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:33,648
OH, IT'S NOTHING.
450
00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:48,746
ARE YOU OK?
451
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:51,874
OH. I'M FINE, YEAH.
452
00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:53,167
'CAUSE YOU HAD A LOOK
453
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:56,629
LIKE YOU MIGHT BE
SICK OR SOMETHING.
454
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:59,674
I AM JUST BEING
COMPLETELY STUPID.
455
00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:00,841
HEY, THAT'S MY JOB.
456
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:02,343
WELL...
457
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,637
I WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE GIFT.
458
00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:08,349
WHY? THIS IS A VERY COOL GIFT.
459
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:09,850
I'D LIGHT IT IF I HAD MATCHES.
460
00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:12,186
OH! HERE.
461
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,983
YOU THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING.
462
00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:20,403
WELL, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
463
00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,577
[GARBAGE CAN FALLS OVER]
464
00:21:28,745 --> 00:21:29,412
[GIGGLING]
465
00:21:29,579 --> 00:21:32,039
AW.
466
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:36,752
LOOK AT THIS.
467
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,964
OH, WE NEVER THOUGHT
TO PUT A CANDLE OUT HERE.
468
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,758
OH, IT IS JUST SO ROMANTIC.
469
00:21:42,926 --> 00:21:45,594
LET'S... LET'S KEEP MOVING.
470
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:47,096
THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE OUT HERE.
471
00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:49,432
THANKS... THANKS, DAD.
472
00:21:49,599 --> 00:21:52,393
Kitty: OH, WE HAVE CANDLES
IN THE BEDROOM, DON'T WE?
473
00:22:00,610 --> 00:22:03,779
THIS IS IT. HE'S GOING FOR IT.
474
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:05,948
IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY.
SHE SHOULD KISS HIM FIRST.
475
00:22:06,116 --> 00:22:07,700
SHE DID LAST TIME.
476
00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:08,909
WHAT?
477
00:22:09,077 --> 00:22:10,494
NOTHING.
478
00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:12,079
SHUT UP AND WATCH.
479
00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:13,998
COME ON, FORMAN, GO FOR IT.
480
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:17,043
THE DOOR'S OPEN.
WE CAN HEAR YOU.
481
00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:21,881
WE CAN SEE YOU.
482
00:22:23,383 --> 00:22:24,425
Fez: IS HE KISSING HER?
483
00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:27,303
Michael: NONE OF US
CAN SEE THEM, FEZ.
484
00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:28,888
Fez: ERIC, ARE YOU KISSING HER?
485
00:22:29,056 --> 00:22:32,296
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER
PRODUCTIONS AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
31569
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