Original subtitles

South Park - Season 11 Episode 11 "Imaginationland Episode II"

Previously on Battlestar Galactica

- What is this place? - This... is Imaginationland.

ALLAH!!!

We have to get out of here!!

- Hold on, fellas! - Butters.

Terrorists have just attacked...

our imagination.

If the terrorists blow that barrier,

all the most evil things ever imagined are gonna pour out!

- ALLAH!! - No!!

Butters, time for breakfast.

Oh jeez, it was just a dream.

Come on, Butters. Mom's cooked waffles and nanas for you.

Hoho! Mom, Dad, I dreamt I was in Imaginationland

and terrorists attacked it.

You are in Imaginationland. This is a dream.

- Huh? - Hey, wake up, stupid!

Come on, wake up, kid!

No, wait! Uh I was back home in bed!

NO! You passed out and peed your pants!

Look! The evil of Imaginationland is coming out!

- Oh hamburgers! - Allah!

Everyone! Fall back to the Gumdrop Forest!

Come with me, little boy! I'm going to get you home!

WAAAA! It's Alien!

Predator!

Look, we already told you everything we know.

Some guy just showed up in a big balloon and took us into Imaginationland.

What we want to know is how!

We need to find a way into Imaginationland;

you've been there! How did you do it?!

We just... went on a balloon ride.

There must have been some kind of portal or doorway.

Dude, we don't remember.

Do you realize what's goin' on here?!

Terrorists have attacked our imagination,

and now our imaginations are running wild!

You'd better start remembering!

It was the Chinese, wasn't it?

...What?

We've suspected that the Chinese government

was working on a doorway to the imagination.

Is that where you were?!

- No. - That's it, isn't it?!

Where do the Chinese keep this portal? How does it work?

It it better than ours?

Your what?

Our portal to the imagination

built as a secret project back in 1962 to fight the Soviets-

Shhh! Tom!

That's super-secret.

Ohh, I'm sorry sir.

Wait. The U.S. Government has a portal to the imagination?

Aw, see? Good job, Tom!

Why don't you just tell them everything about Project X?!

Yes sir. We built a portal to the imagination

to use against the Russians during the Cold War, but we never got a-

THAT WAS SARCASM. I was being sarcastic, you fucking idiot!

Aw jeez, I'm really sorry sir.

If you already built a doorway to the imagination, then why do you need us?

All right, we might as well show it to them. God-damnit, Tom.

Every night, the dream is the same.

I'm on my way to visit my friend Kyle,

because we had a bet that if I could prove leprechauns were real,

he would suck my balls.

And it turns out I was right.

Time to pay up, Kyle.

But then...

NO!

NOOO!

It's been taken from me.

I have dry balls.

Balls so dry they explode like dust.

You okay, kid?

NO. I've got dry balls.

And I'm running out of time.

Ever since the Cold War,

the U.S. Government has been working on a secret project

to build a doorway into the imagination.

It is called "Project Imagination Doorway."

That's not very imaginative.

According to all the tests and the data, the doorway should work,

but... it never has.

But we're close, sir. We're real close.

They've been saying that for over forty years.

You're the ones, right? The kids who have been in the imagination.

I guess.

What was the sequence that got you inside?

We know there's some kind of resonance code, but we can't figure it out.

Look, we're sorry, you guys, but the balloon just went up in the air

and the dude sang a song and we were suddenly there.

Song? You didn't say anything about a song before.

- What song? - The Imagination song?

That could be it.

The fractal converter has never worked

because it was waiting for a multitonal code!

Quick boys: how does the Imagination Song go?

Imaginaaaation

Imaginaaaation

Sir, uh I'm getting some electrofeedback from the gate.

It's weak, but it's nanoresponding to something.

Was there more to the Imagination Song? Ha, how does the rest of it go?

Imaginaaaation. Imaginaaaa-

No, no dude, it went up there.

- Imagina-he-hey- - Imagina-eh

Dude, we don't remember. It was really long and stupid.

I'm just about through playing with you boys! We're running out of time!

You have to remember that song in its entirety!

Mayor, Mayor, what are we supposed to do?

Please, sir. I have to get home to my world.

Oh, well. All you have to do is tap your heels together three times.

Really?

NO, you fucking dipshit, that was a joke!

Mayor, what are we supposed to do, shnarf shnarf?

Get to Castle Sunshine! It's your only hope!

Castle Sunshine?

Through the Gumdrop Forest.

Others will be hiding there; go, run!

Look out for the evil characters!

They're assembling on the Yum Yum mountain!

We are free! Now all of Imaginationland is ours!

Not all, foolish orc!

There are still parts of Imaginationland we don't control.

Tomorrow, we shall build our own castle right on this spot!

Who put you in charge, Krueger?! I am the most evil character here!

Nonsense! Your evil is stale.

I am the most evil imaginary character!

Now come on y'all.

We shouldn't be fightin', we're supposed to all be on the same side.

Yeah. You're all right, Squirrelly Squirrel.

Yaaaay!

What evil imaginary characters are they?

They were dreamt up by some fourth grade kid

as part of his Christmas Story.

Now come on y'all. We can't waste time arguing,

there could still be survivors out there.

We need to hunt them down, and kill them.

And eat their flesh!

B'hut first we should rape them!

How about we kill them, and then rape their bodies

so we can use their blood as lubricant?

Say, that's a great idea, Beary Bear.

Man, I do not want to meet the kid that dreamt THOSE things up.

Look, I want some Goddamn answers!

You brought my friend here to Washington!

Where is he?! What is going on?!

I'm sorry, sir. That information is classified.

Something is going on, and I have a right to know where my friend is!!

There's somebody asking a lot of questions about what's going on.

Let me handle this!

I'm sorry, but there is no such thing as Project Imagination Doorway!

Imagination Doorway.

It was started in the Sixties as a secret government project.

Right.

Imagina-a-ation, Imagina-

Wait, maybe that's where he went really flat, like that half-step key change?

Imagina-ation.

Right, then it was: Imagina-ation,

Imagina-ation. Imagina-atio-on

It's open! It's open!

Getting readings from the other side...

That's it. We've made an opening to our imagination, sir!

All right, that's enough! We've still got a lot of work to do, people!

It's time to go in

and get our imaginations under control!

How much further to Castle Sunshine?

Snarf, I'm not sure snarf snarf. I've never been.

- What was that? - Over here.

Oh Christ. It's Strawberry Shortcake.

Please, let me go.

Oh my God! Snarf.

Now kill her!

Whoa whoa, hang on, y'all. You can't just kill her. That's not evil enough.

What do you mean? We cut out her eyeball.

Yeah, that's super hardcore.

Now come on y'all. We can do better than that.

Hey! I know! Let's all pee in her empty eye socket!

Let's make her eat her own eyeball, and then pee in her empty eyesocket.

How about we get someone with AIDS to pee in her eyesocket,

so she dies all slowlike?

Nobody here has AIDS!

But we've got to have AIDS before we pee in her eyesocket!

Now don't be down y'all. I bet we can find some AIDS out in the forest.

Dude, run, run, ruuun!

All right, men.

We don't know what you'll experience on the other side of this doorway,

but it will most likely be really weird.

If you reach our imagination,

you are to take every step necessary to get it under control!

- Are you ready? - Yes sir!

Are you ready, Kurt Russell?

I... I don't understand why I'm here. I'm just an actor.

Yes, but you were in that one movie that was kinda like this.

That gives you more experience than anybody.

All right, here we go! Men! Forwaaard!

Sir, we have a security breach!

- What?! - There's an Unauthorized Entry Alert!

- It's coming from Sector Two! - Sector Two??

Cartman??

Hello Kyle! Thought you could get out of your responsibilities, huh?!

- Who the hell are you?! - That kid you have made a bet

that if I could prove that I saw a leprechaun, he would suck my balls!

Get him out of here!

No! Hold on a second!

I have a contract validated by the United States court system!

Let me see that!

Why would you agree to suck someone's balls?

I didn't think there was going to be a god-damned leprechaun!!

All right, you two can go use the conference room.

Go on, we have work to do here.

Wha?! Well wait, ahah I wanna see what happens here!

You signed an agreement, kid. We don't have time for this. Go on and do it.

- Stan? - Dude, you did make a deal...

The conference room is which way?

Well, well, well. Here we are, Kyle.

You tried to bail out on our agreement, but I found you.

I didn't "bail," I got picked up by the government!

Well we're here now, that's all that matters.

Care for some nuts?

Oh, that's right. I guess you'll be chock full of nuts in a few minutes.

Cartman, do you even know what's going on?

We went to Imaginationland,

terrorists attacked it, and now the government is about to-

Oh jeez, I'm sorry, Kyle. It's just that I'm so completely bored by this story.

See, I'm really only interested in the part where the leprechaun was real,

and so you have to suck my balls.

Okay, fine. You know what? Let's just get it over with!

Oh nonono, nononot so fast, Kyle.

I've waited a long time for this, and I intend to savor each and every second.

No, I'm serious!

I wanna see what's happening downstairs, so let's just do it!

Not... just yet, Kyle.

There's still a few things I need to do.

By the way, I should tell you that I haven't had a chance

to shower while making my way up here.

My balls are... extra vinegary...

Just get to it already!

Entering the portal in five seconds.

Kurt Russell, can I get a comm check?

Check 1, 2.

Good luck men! Godspeed!

What do we have?! Kurt Russell, can you hear me?

We're here. We're s-somewhere.

They are inside the imagination, sir.

What do you see in there?

There's lots of... big mushrooms, colorful grass,

some castles in the distance, eh...

Wait.

Something's coming for us!

It's coming out of the bushes and- It's a-!

Oh, Aw, it's just a cute little squirrel. Hey, it talks!

The little squirrel talks.

Awww, an imaginary talking squirrel.

Ask the squirrel what it knows about the terrorist attack.

Wait a minute, eh. The squirrel has friends.

Oh why, why it's a whole bunch of woodland critters.

Wait, woodland critters...

There's a talking bear and a beaver, uh...

they seem to be Christmas critters.

Well hello. Yes, hi.

- Get them out of there! - What?

- Tell them to get away now! - What's the matter?

Oh the... cute little bear's eyes are starting to glow red now...

Uh hello there, little animals, do you happen to know how to huh?

Kurt Russell, what's going on?!

They're raping mee!!

They're raping meee!!!

Get out of there, Kurt Russell!

They're raping all of us! Whoaho! Oh it hurts!

They're raping us and it huuurts!

I was thinking of using a high-speed shutter with a low depth of field.

- What do you think? - Goddamnit Cartman,

will you stop wasting time? I wanna get this over with!

No, you're right, Kyle.

A higher depth of field will make sure everything stays in focus.

There we go.

Now, Kyle, when you're sucking my balls,

are you gonna think about how right I was about the leprechaun, or

are you just gonna try and focus on

how rough and salty my balls feel in your mouth?

Let's just DO IT!

In time, Kyle.

You certainly are eager for balls, aren't you?

Are you ball-famished? Balls-starving?

You see, Kyle, I wonder if at this moment you are actually-

Everyone to the main hall now! Go!

Uh, no, no, we're not done in here yet.

Everyone to the main hall NOW!

No! Goddamnit no!

Boy snarf snarf, my feet are really gettin' tired snarf.

Aww, Sn-Snarf, could you maybe like sh-shut up for five minutes?

Wait! There it is. We made it!

Castle Sunshine!

Yeah!

Hurry! Get inside!

The evil imaginary characters are approaching!

Lock down the gates! Prepare to fire the cannons!

Wait! Waaait!

What imaginary character are you?!

The Lollipop King? From the Lollipop Forest?

And I'm Snarf. Snarf, snarf snarf snarf.

And what imaginary character are you?

Oh, uhh, uh I'm not imaginary. Ah I'm Butters.

What's a "Butters"?

The Mayor brought him and some other kids into Imaginationland

just before the terrorist attack.

So YOU came from the real world

at precisely the same time as the terrorists!

That seems like quite a coincidence!

I, well I was just playin' with my friends, and

wu-we caught a leprechaun, and then this guy-

You caught the Leprechaun? Take him!

Perseus! He's not against us snarf snarf!

Talk to me! What's going on?!

Something is... coming through the gate from the other side.

What is it?!

It's like a... half man half bear!

And half pig!

Oh! No, no wait! It's like a half bear half manpig!

Look out!

No! I think it's more like a half man, and half pigbear!

Reverse the doorway! Send it back through!

KYLE!!

Please! I didn't help the terrorists get into Imaginationland! Honest!

That is for the Council of Nine to decide!

Don't worry, kid, the Council of Nine consists of

some of the most highly-regarded

imaginary characters in all Imaginationland.

Fellow Council, these are indeed dark times.

The evil forces amass at our gates as we speak.

Zeus believes we should evacuate.

Yes. Their power outmatches ours.

If they are giving us a chance to leave we must take it!

And what say you, Morpheus?

How are we to know that they will let us go?

Their offer could be a trap.

Perhaps we must flee to the Temple of Alderon.

Surely they wouldn't chase us there.

No, we can't.

Come on, you guys, this is our home.

We have to fight, to keep it the way it was meant to be.

I'm with Jesus. The evil characters aren't going to just us go.

That may be, Popeye, but we don't have a choice!

Forgive my intrusion, Council of Nine,

but this boy has infiltrated from the real world.

Bring him here!

Clear!

I'm sorry. He's gone.

No! Kyle can't die.

I'm sorry, young man.

Kyle?

Well... at least now he doesn't have to suck anyone's balls.

NNNOOO!

No, he has a strong heart! He wants to live!

Come on, Kyle! Come on, buddy!

He's gone, little boy.

Zap him again! Do it!

- Charging. - DO IT!

- Come on buddy. Come on buddy. - Clear.

Get out of here!

Godamnit Kyle, you never walked away from anything in your life! Now fight!

Fight! Fight! Right now!

Fu-hight! Fu-hu-hight! Fight!

Give him some air.

There, easy. Breathe easy.

I believe this child was brought into Imaginationland for a reason.

Perhaps the Mayor knew something we don't.

What are you saying, Aslan? That if we are to take back control, we might-?

Yes.

If we are to take back control from the evil forces,

this little boy might be the key.

Awww, I'm the key?

Could I not be the key, Morpheus? I don't wanna be the key.

If you ever wanna see your home again, little boy,

you'll have to rise to this challenge.

But I, but I'm supposed to be at school right now,

and instead, I got Snarf and Popeye and Luke Skywalker all pissed off...

It is a dark time for all of us, young boy.

But know that if you believe in yourself,

everything will turn out all right.

Sir? Are you sure about this?

We have no choice.

Terrorists have attacked us where we are most vulnerable.

There's no other option.

We have to nuke our imagination.

Wake up, Kyle.

SouthParkNews.Net Transcript: South Park Scriptorium