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Bloody hell.

You think I don't have better things to do?

You're to be in the green drawing room in 25 minutes.

And we're back, I'm Teddy Littlecock,

chatting with His Royal Highness, Prince Nicholas.

What do you do in your spare time?

Well, most nights I like to read.

I also enjoy horseback riding, polo,

an afternoon of clay pigeon shooting with the Queen.

It will be 13 years this May since the tragic plane crash

that took the lives of the Prince and Princess of Pembrook.

Do you think of them often?

I have many happy memories of my parents.

But what's most important to me

is they live on through the causes they championed.

That's their legacy.

By building up those foundations, I'll ensure they'll always remembered.

Care to comment on some reports that you were seen out

with Lady Esmerelda last weekend?

She and I are old friends.

Just friends?

I make it a rule not to kiss and tell.

So there's a possibility that something deeper

could be developing between you?

The people are waiting for you, "His Royal Hotness",

to find your own lady love and settle down.

Anything's possible.

Thank you for your time, Your Grace.

Always a pleasure, Littlecock.

That's a wrap. Great.

Thank you. Who's next?

He's the last for today.

Hallelujah.

- She wants to see you. - Oh.

Nicholas.

Grandmother.

I saw your interview.

You should smile more.

You used to seem like such a happy boy.

I'll try to remember to pretend to be happier.

Have you seen the evening's headlines?

I haven't.

Henry will be horrified.

The lighting is terrible, you can barely make out his tattoo.

You find this amusing?

He's 24, he was just discharged from service.

Months ago,

and he's been around the world with 80 whores ever since.

Have you tried calling him?

Of course I have.

He answers, then he makes that ridiculous static noise,

he says he cannot hear me, then he says he loves me and hangs up.

He's in the United States, Las Vegas,

with plans to go to Manhattan.

I want you to go and bring him home.

- My schedule... - Has been rearranged.

While there, you will attend several functions in my stead.

I am needed here.

I assume you'll be working on the House of Commons?

Persuading those arseholes to finally do their job?

Oh, I'm glad you brought that up.

Do you know what happens to a monarchy without a stable line of heirs?

Where are you going with this?

There are murmurings in Parliament about changing us

to a ceremonial sovereignty.

- There are always murmurings. - Not like this.

They're holding up trade legislation,

unemployment is high, wages are down.

These headlines aren't helping us.

People are worried about putting food on their tables

while their prince cavorts from one luxury hotel to another.

We need to give the press something positive to report.

We need to show the houses we are firmly in control.

We need to give the people something to celebrate.

What about a day of pride? We could do a parade.

I was thinking of something bigger.

Something that will catch the world's attention.

The wedding of the century.

Is Great Aunt Miriam marrying again?

I promised your mother I would give you the space

to choose a wife for yourself,

like your father chose her.

I have watched, and I have waited,

and now, I have given up.

Your family needs you,

your country needs you.

You are going to announce your betrothed at the end of the summer.

That's five months from now!

I wanted to give you 30 days.

You should thank your grandfather for talking me out of it.

Maybe you should be less concerned with my personal life

and more concerned with the press finding out about your habit

of talking to Grandfather's painting.

It comforts me!

Don't be obnoxious, Nicky.

I learned from the best.

I've drawn up a list of suitable young ladies,

some you have met,

some are new to you.

- I don't want to get married. - I don't blame you.

I didn't want to wear your great-great grandmother's tiara

on my 21st birthday.

It was a gaudy and heavy thing.

But we all must do our duty.

It's your turn, Prince Nicholas, now.

Is that all, Your Majesty?

It is. Travel safely.

Edward, where did we go wrong?

Why must they be so difficult?

What the hell happened to your face?

Damn Caribbean sun hates me.

No matter how much sunscreen I used, it found a way to fry me like a chip.

It made for a creative honeymoon.

Burn ointment can be quite sensual.

Evening, Your Highness.

Lord Ellington.

Saw you on television this afternoon.

You look well. I never knew you were a reader.

In all the times I've been to your rooms, I haven't seen a single book.

You weren't interested in looking at the books when you were there, pet.

Thank God for NDA's.

So I hear the Old Bird finally brought the hammer down

on the whole marriage thing.

She made a list of potentials.

- Helpful of her. - Well, this could be fun.

You could hold auditions.

On top of everything else, we have to go to bloody fucking New York

and chase Henry down.

I don't know why you dislike New York so much.

Wait. What do you mean we have to go to bloody fucking New York?

Misery loves company.

Franny's not going to be happy.

You just spent an entire month together. You must be sick of her.

There aren't any timeouts in marriage, Nick.

As you'll soon see for yourself.

4:30

Bosco!

Bastard!

Nice.

Hey, baby! I need some extra hot milk in my coffee.

Yeah. Fuck you!

Oh, Bosco.

No, what?

Bosco!

Are those my earrings?

You don't go anywhere to wear them, Livvy.

And pearls like to be worn, it's a fact.

Gotta go, I have a calc test.

Who the fuck forgot to tell winter it was over?

Liv, you know I love you like the baby sister I wish I had.

You have a baby sister. Three actually.

Yeah, but you don't piss me off like they do.

And because I love you, I feel entitled to say

you look like you just rolled out of a garbage can.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

Good morning, Mrs. McGillacutty.

Good morning.

A little much to be working out in this weather, don't you think?

- It sure is. - Have a good day.

Feel like deep-cleaning the fridge and scrubbing behind the oven?

You know I love going deep. Lead the way, girlfriend.

The snow looks like it's getting really bad out there,

you should probably head home.

- You sure? - Yeah.

My fingers are frozen.

I can't have frostbite,

my fingers are Franny's third favorite part of me.

No. Your bank account is Franny's first, second, and third favorite part of you.

Well...

Hello.

Hi.

Tell me you have hot tea, and my fortune's yours.

Yes, we have tea, and it'll only cost you $2.25.

Well, you're officially my favorite.

You guys are pretty brave to be out in this weather.

- Or stupid. - I dragged him out.

See, the streets are empty, so I can walk around.

They only let me out of the cage a few times a year.

What's the specialty here?

Our pies. I make them myself.

Best in the city.

Tell me more about your magnificent pie.

Is it delicious?

- Yes. - Juicy?

Save the pie innuendos.

- I get it. - What about your lips?

- What about them? - They're the sweetest thing

I've seen in a very long time.

Do they taste as good as they look?

I bet you they do.

Pay no attention to this sorry mess.

He's been smashed for three days straight.

On way to four.

Okay. I'll have tea and the cherry pie.

And peach.

And hell, give me a blueberry a la mode as well.

I like pie.

Apple.

I learned the hard way.

Everything is for sale, and everyone has a price.

My, but you're a delightful ball of sunshine when you're pissed,

it's shame you don't drink more often.

- What do you think, dove? - What do I think about what?

I think everything and everyone can be bought, for the right price.

I agree with you.

Money talks, bullshit walks.

Bloody hell, now you're both depressing me.

May need more pie.

I'm glad you said that, sweets.

Ten thousand dollars.

Spend the night with me, and I'll pay you $10,000.

To do what?

The bed is empty and large. Let's start there and see what happens.

Is this a joke?

I never joke about money or sex.

You want to pay me $10,000 to have sex with you?

More than once, in a dozen different positions.

I could "woo" you, but I'm pathetically short on time these days.

I'm not sleeping with you for money.

- Why not? - Because I'm not a prostitute.

Of course, you're not.

But you're young and beautiful, I'm rich and handsome.

The bigger question is why aren't we fucking already?

- No. - No?

No, it would be wrong.

- Do you have a boyfriend? - No.

- Lesbian? - No.

Then it's the rightest thing you'll ever do.

My dignity isn't for sale.

I don't wanna put my cock anywhere near your dignity, love.

Do you have an answer for everything?

$20,000.

You won't regret it, I swear.

I guess we were both wrong.

Some things aren't for sale.

Good for you, sweetheart. Optimism wins the day.

Maybe I'm trying to buy the wrong thing. What about a kiss?

If I don't get a taste soon, I'll go mad.

$5,000.

$5,000?

- For a kiss? - That's what I said.

- With tongue? - It's not really a kiss without it.

Just say yes, pet. You obviously need the money.

For fuck's sake, Nicholas.

Hands under the table.

Close your eyes.

I like a woman who takes charge.

Kiss this, asshole.

Leave the money on the table.

There's the door, use it before I come back

with my baseball bat and show you why they used to call me Babe Ruthette.

Good pie.

Oh, my God.

You're alive then? For a while, I wasn't sure.

What did you let me drink last night?

Let you? No, no, no.

You guzzled what you've been guzzling since we got here.

Vodka, straight up.

I had the oddest dream.

Was it flying pink elephants and Fergus in a ballerina tutu?

That one always disturbs me.

No.

I dreamt about my mother. She was scolding me.

Said I made the angel cry.

Well, she did look like an angel. And her pie was heavenly.

I didn't see any tears, but you definitely hurt her feelings.

What are you talking about?

The waitress at the coffee shop.

That was real?

Yes, you bloody arse, it was real.

You offered her $20,000 for some rumpy-pumpy.

She turned you down. Smart girl.

Fucking Christ.

- Is it online yet? - No, not a word.

And if the little bird was going to sing, I think it would've leaked by now.

Tomorrow, we meet with the heads of the military charity.

And I'd like another slice of pie before I head home.

It was delicious.

We're closed.

- It's you. - The door was open.

It's broken. What do you want?

Well, he's desperate for some pie.

And I...

I just wanted to apologize about the other evening.

I don't normally act that way.

I had a little bit of a bender, and I just...

In my experience,

people don't do things when they're drunk that they wouldn't do normally.

You're right.

I would've thought all those things, but I never would've said them out loud.

And if I'd been sober,

my opening bid would've been much higher.

- Are you trying to be cute? - No. I don't have to try.

It just sort of happens.

What's your name?

I don't know if I caught it the other evening.

You didn't.

And it's Liv.

That's an odd name.

Were you ill as a baby?

I mean, is "Live" what your parents were hoping for,

or did they just not like you?

Livvy, short for Olivia.

Olivia Hammond.

That's a beautiful name.

Much more fitting.

Well, Olivia, I regret how I behaved the first time we met,

and I was hoping you'd accept my apology.

It's not like you said anything that wasn't true.

It's pretty obvious that I need the money, so...

Olivia, I'm sorry.

Truly.

Okay.

Okay.

You can have this.

It's two days old, so I won't sell it.

It might be a little dry, but it's on the house.

You really are an angel, lass.

Would you like to go to coffee with me sometime?

I don't like coffee.

- You work in a coffee house. - Exactly.

It'll have to be dinner, then.

Are you available this evening?

I could pick you up on the way back.

I thought you didn't have time for wooing?

Some things are worth making time for.

I...

I don't date.

Good God. Why not?

That's a bloody sin.

You're stunning, obviously, clever.

You should date often,

preferably with a man that knows how it's done.

Coincidentally, I am fantastic at it.

Ellie, Bosco can't be down here.

- What is that? - It's my dog.

No, I have dogs.

Dogs are descended from wolves.

This is... not.

Don't insult my dog.

How did you do that?

Dogs are pack animals. They defer to the leader.

This one's smart enough to recognize that's me.

Let's see if it works with you.

Dinner?

I'm not a dog.

No. No, no, no. You're definitely not a dog.

- What I meant was... - School's closed again.

Hi.

Wow.

I like your tie.

Okay.

I'm gonna go hang myself in my closet now.

Let's go, come on.

- Is she joking? - She's 17.

So, it depends on the day.

Well, this has been fun.

Thanks for stopping by.

Enjoy the pie.

And I'll see you around, I guess.

Count on it, love.

Excuse me? Do you know who that was?

Quiet, Ellie.

- Dad's sleeping. - Well, do you?

No, some rich asshole with a friend that really likes pie.

That was Prince Nicholas of Wessco.

- What? - Apparently,

the brother is rumored to be in New York.

It's devastating what happened to the parents, though.

And the Queen, feminine power.

No one is gonna believe this.

- I'm so putting this on Snapchat. - No, don't.

Everyone will come here looking for him.

Exactly! Business will be crazy. We can name a pie after him.

- The McHotty, king of pies. - Morning.

- Sorry if we woke you, Dad. - It's okay.

There isn't much for food. I was gonna go to the store...

I was going out anyway.

How about I make you girls grilled cheese sandwiches later?

Okay. Thanks, Dad.

Oh, my God.

Yes, look.

I also enjoy horseback riding, polo,

an afternoon of clay pigeon shooting with the Queen.

Large coffee, please. Milk, no sugar.

You came back.

Unlike some strange but very pretty people,

I happen to like coffee.

Nice hat.

Go, Yanks.

Do you really think it'll work as a disguise?

Glasses worked for Clark Kent.

Who told you?

Was it the cherry bomb with affinity for SpongeBob footwear?

My sister, Ellie.

Yeah, she spilled the beans.

You must think I'm completely clueless.

Not at all.

Am I supposed to curtsy or something?

Please, don't.

Unless you have the urge to do it naked, then by all means, curtsy away.

You don't seem like a prince.

That may be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

Now you know, have you reconsidered my invitation to dinner?

Why?

Because you happen to own a country?

Like that's supposed to impress me?

It impresses most people.

Guess I'm not most people.

Well, then.

I'll be over here in case you want to join me.

That's what you're gonna do? Stay here?

- All morning? - That's the plan, yes.

Don't you have stuff to do?

- Important stuff? - Probably.

Then why aren't you doing it?

I like looking at you.

Don't look now, but we have a celebrity customer.

That is Prince Nicholas, or my name isn't Martin McFly Ginsberg.

Yes, it's him.

He was here the other night and yesterday morning.

How could you keep this from me?

Bitch, be cool, okay? Don't make a big deal out of it.

Bitch, you don't know what you're asking me.

His face, that most beautiful face, hung on my wall for years.

I always hoped he secretly played for my team.

I think it's safe to say that he doesn't.

Mazel Tov.

I'm canceling my pie order.

But I've already made 30 of the 50 pies that you ordered.

That's not my problem, that's your problem.

You should at least cover the cost of the 30 pies.

We don't have a contract, so I'm not obligated to do anything.

That's not good enough, Ms. Hammond.

- You can't ignore notices. - I understand that,

but my father is the one that you need to speak to.

- And he is not here right now. - I'm tired of being jerked around.

You owe us a lot of money. And one way or another, you're gonna pay.

Get your hands off her.

- You, you're... - It doesn't matter who I am.

Who the bloody hell are you?

- I'm Stan Marksum of Willford Collections. - I've got this...

Well, Marksum, as the lady said, her father's not here.

So I suggest you be on your way now.

My business is with the Hammonds.

- This isn't your concern. - I've just made it my concern.

You're done here. There's the door, use it, or I'll show you how.

Who the hell do you think you are?

- Do you want me to list my titles? - That was none of your business.

You can't just walk in here and take over like that.

- I was handling it. - Handling it?

Was that before or after he cornered you and grabbed your arm?

I don't need you riding in here on your white horse.

Your good deed is done for the day, so why don't you just leave?

- You're kicking me out? - Yeah, I guess I am.

Fine. I'm gone.

You've got a screw loose, love.

Can I offer you a bit of advice, Prince Nicholas?

- Shut up, Tommy. - It's all right. Offer away.

I think the lass was embarrassed. It's a pride thing, you know?

It wasn't that Ms. Hammond didn't want your help.

Or maybe she was embarrassed that she needed it.

These are all cool. Wow.

- Yeah, they fixed... - That's nice.

Well, these kids here did that?

Oh, wow. Nice drawings, guys.

Hey. Really talented.

I like that one.

And I see you've got about 45, 50...

- Yeah. Yeah. - It's here? Okay.

- Hi. - Hi.

- I'm Nicholas. - Freddie.

Good name. My middle name is Freddie.

It means "peaceful ruler."

Are you really a prince?

I really am.

You don't look like a prince.

Must've left my crown in another suit.

I'm always losing the darn thing.

- Do you like living here? - It's okay.

I used to live with my aunt, but she died.

- I'm sorry. - The teachers here are cool.

They smile a lot.

But my auntie used to bake cookies.

They don't give us cookies here.

Do you know what they make us have for dessert?

- Fruit salad. - Oh, no.

Not even with any whipped cream. You should talk to someone about that.

Freddie, do you like pie?

Hello, Olivia. This is Freddie.

- Freddie, meet Olivia. - S'up?

Good to meet you, Freddie.

You were right. She's really pretty.

I told you so.

Olivia, we have a problem that needs immediate rectification.

- Sounds serious. - Oh, it is.

My friend Freddie here hasn't had a decent dessert in months.

- Months. - You wouldn't happen to have

30 extra pies around, would you?

As a matter of fact, I do.

It's so good.

Did you do this just to impress me?

Depends.

Are you impressed?

I am.

Good.

In all honesty, I didn't do it just for you.

One perk of this job is making kids like Freddie happy.

I'm sorry for flipping out on you yesterday.

I overreacted.

I'll try to keep my nose out of your business.

I'll focus it on getting in your pants instead.

Ask me again, Nicholas.

I want to take you out, Olivia. Tonight.

What do you say?

Yes.

Okay.

What do we think?

Little House on the Prairie called, they want their dress back.

Marty.

Okay. I have a date with Nicholas. And I need to look...

Like a sexy Cinderella wearing fuck-me boots? Baby doll...

say less.

I wasn't sure what you had planned for tonight.

I can go change if...

No.

No, don't change a thing.

You're absolutely...

perfect.

So you run the cafe with your parents?

Yeah, it's just my dad and me, actually.

My mom died nine years ago.

She was mugged on the subway. It ended badly.

- I'm sorry. - Thank you.

I googled you.

An article about your parents' funeral came up.

The search engines do seem to favor that one.

The day we buried my mom was the worst day of my life.

It must have been awful for you to go through the worst day of yours

with all those people watching.

It was awful.

I saw a picture of your grandma.

She looks like a nice lady.

She's a battle axe with concrete where her heart should be.

So, what you're saying is you love her.

I do, but don't let that get out.

Her Majesty will never let me live it down.

Your secret's safe with me.

So, my dad put the money from my mom's life insurance policy

into a trust for education expenses.

And there's just enough now for Ellie's first semester at NYU.

She could change the world. She really could.

But she is so gullible,

and she needs to understand that a checkbook has to balance.

And, I mean, phishing emails were created for people like my sister.

I completely understand.

My brother has so much potential, but he's so happily pissing out the wall.

After the article you mentioned,

the press christened him the boy who couldn't walk the walk.

It's a prophecy he's gone out of his way to fulfill.

Well, here's to little brothers and sisters.

Can't live without them.

Can't have them banished from the kingdom.

Stay in the car, your Grace.

There's a vagrant in Ms. Hammond's door.

Tommy and I will take care of him.

Daddy?

- What happened? - Hey.

Hey, sweetie.

Something's wrong with the lock.

It's okay. I'll help you.

You should go. I need to take care of this.

How do you plan on getting him upstairs?

- I've done it before. - I'm gonna help you, Olivia.

- Mr. Hammond? - Who are you?

I'm Nicholas. I'm a friend of Olivia's.

I'm gonna help you get upstairs. Is that all right?

Yeah. Yeah. Damn keys ain't working.

- Ready? - Yeah.

I'll be at the car, Sir.

- Olivia. - You should go.

Go. I want you to go.

- No, don't be angry. - I'm not angry.

I'm just...

I think you should leave.

Please just leave.

My grandmother talks to paintings.

When I was younger, I thought it was funny in a freakish kind of way,

but now I just think it's sad.

My brother's been away on military service for the past two years.

He was discharged three months ago, and he still hasn't come home.

He stopped answering my calls.

We haven't spoken in six months.

And I don't know why.

Why are you telling me this?

Because if you think your family is the only one with dysfunction in it,

you're wrong.

Mine have that particular market cornered.

My father's an alcoholic.

Not in a mean or violent way, just...

he drinks when he's sad.

And he's been sad every day since my mom died.

This place was her dream.

She was Amelia.

If it goes under, I...

I don't know what he'll do.

He barely talks to Ellie.

Some days, he can't even look at her,

because she reminds him so much of our mom.

She's gonna leave...

and never come back.

And I want that for her.

But I'll still be here.

Alone.

I think that's why I haven't gotten the lock fixed yet.

Sometimes I dream that I can't get out.

I call, and I pull, but I'm stuck.

Sometimes, I dream I'm in the palace.

There are no doors or windows.

Like I'm walking and walking and...

into nowhere.

Tell me something you've never told anyone.

Something no one knows about you.

I hate pies.

I used to love making them with my mom, but now, I...

I hate it.

The feel, the smell. It just makes me sick.

Now, you.

Tell me something you've never told anyone.

I hate the bowing.

Last month, I met a...

World War II veteran.

He saved three of his mates in battle.

He was wounded.

And he bowed to me.

What the fuck have I ever done that a man like that should bow to me?

If you could do anything...

be anywhere...

what would you do?

I don't know.

It's been so long since doing anything else was an option.

I've stopped imagining.

What about you?

If you could do anything, what would you do?

I would kiss you.

Okay.

I should go.

My dad might have fallen out of bed.

Let me come with you.

No, it's better if you don't.

I'll be okay, I promise.

When can I see you again?

Say, tomorrow?

God, you're bossy.

Okay.

Tomorrow.

- In front... - No, no, no.

Let's put it behind, so we get that beautiful neckline.

- Really? - He needs to see it, okay?

Now, I wanna curtsy, right? Oh, sh...

It's an honor to meet you, Prince Nicholas.

Have you been practicing that? You do it very well.

We haven't been officially introduced. I'm... Martin.

- Good to meet you, Martin. - Oh, hi.

I just want to say thank you

for all of the hours of pleasure you've given me over the years.

You're welcome.

I'm just going to sit over here and look at you.

We should talk. Get to know each other...

- Prid cocoa, Clarice. - Do you mean quid pro quo?

It's Latin meaning something for something.

That was a pretentiousness test, and you failed.

- Damn. - I mean, who speaks Latin anymore, anyway?

I do. I also speak French, Spanish, and Italian.

Impressive.

My language tutor would be so happy you think so.

He was a crusty old sod, and I was an uncooperative pupil.

A bad boy, huh?

Wait, did you get punished if you misbehaved,

- or did they use like a whipping boy? - Ooh, whipping boy.

I volunteer as tribute.

Whipping boys haven't been around for a few hundred years.

So, what are your intentions with my sister, Prince Nicholas?

All good ones, I promise.

I bet you know a lot of people.

Rich people, famous people.

But Liv is good people.

The best.

I mean, she gave up her whole life

to keep this place going for me and my dad.

So, she deserves to have some fun.

A hot fling with a former bad-boy prince

who can talk dirty to her in five different languages.

- Hope you can give her that. - Thank you, Ms. Hammond.

But if you get any other ideas, if you hurt my sister,

I will find a way to shave both your eyebrows off.

- You feel me? - Loud and clear, Ellie.

I will go get my sister for you then.

Where did you learn how to do that?

Japan.

Logan.

Aye, Sir.

Go away.

Aye, Sir.

Does this have any special meaning?

It was my father's.

I like having something close to me that was close to him.

And this one?

Henry's.

My mother had it made for him when he was a boy.

He hated it.

He only pretended to like it for her sake.

After they passed, Henry never took it off.

He couldn't take it to training, so...

I'm keeping it for him until he comes home.

You have Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

Yeah, we have a similar thing in Wessco.

- It's my favorite. - Oh, mine too!

Just when I thought you couldn't get any more perfect.

- What was that? - Nothing.

- No, no. What did you just say? - No, I didn't...

I... Did you just say I was perfect?

- No. - No, I think you did.

- Okay. - Okay.

You're perfect too.

Stay.

Stay here with me.

For how long?

For as long as you can.

- Yeah? - Okay.

So the priority meet of the day will be with the Ambassador of Genovia.

That will take place at 2:00 p.m.

- We can... - Hi, guys.

I have a plan.

Take your clothes off.

I like this plan.

- Shutting boys away. - No, they can stay.

- Marty's bike is downstairs. - Now, hold on a minute, please.

I'll be fine, Logan.

And I want Nicholas and I to go on this outing alone.

- No fucking way. - Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

- It's not possible. - I've made an itinerary.

You're allowed to open it once we leave.

I promise it'll be okay.

- What's the worst that could happen? - That you could get assassinated,

and the three of us will be hung for treason?

Don't be silly. We haven't hung anyone in years.

- There'll be firing squad. - Sir, please.

I'm more than capable of surviving an afternoon without you.

The three of you stay here. That's an order.

If I found out you followed us,

I'll ship you home to guard the fucking hounds.

Am I clear?

- Let me help you. - Okay.

New York, I love you!

I have to tell you something before this goes any further.

What is it?

I'm getting married.

You're engaged?

No, no.

As heir, I'm expected to marry and carry on the lineage.

My grandmother's issued the order for me to wed.

I have to choose a woman from a pre-approved list.

That she's made by the end of summer.

She has to be nobility...

and a virgin.

Wow.

That's archaic.

Archaic rules are anything that makes me who I am.

That's not true.

Why didn't you say anything...

all these nights?

I didn't know.

What didn't you know?

I didn't know it would feel like this.

Like what?

I've just over four months.

And when I walked into your cafe,

I didn't know that I wanna spend every day of it with you.

You do?

Yes.

But...

when summer ends, Olivia...

so do we.

- Do you feel that? - Yeah.

Yes.

You feel this?

Yes.

Some people go their whole lives without getting that.

We'll get to have it for four months.

We're just arriving now at the Smithsonian, Sir.

Thank you, Tommy.

The front door or back?

If we use the front door, they take your picture,

find out your name, the world goes mad.

Your life, as you know it, will change.

If we use the back door, we may be able to buy a little extra time.

It's up to you, love.

Front door all the way.

Marty Ginsberg, G-I-N-S-B-E-R-G.

Come on, everybody!

There she is!

Olivia!

Oh, fuck you, bitch.

Fuck you. Bring it on.

Bring it on.

Oh, yeah.

What's going on?

I'm in a flame war with a toxic bitch on Instagram.

What happened?

You haven't been online lately?

No.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Right.

Hey, have you seen Instagram? I'm being photoshopped in effigy.

Stay far away from Instagram. It's a cesspool.

Feel like going to a party tonight? I'll pick you up at 8:00.

Whoa, whoo!

Whoo!

Yeah. Yeah.

Whoo-hoo!

Yeah.

Hey, sexy.

It's good to see you, brother. Did you forget your trousers?

It's a costume party. Hello. Who might you be?

- This is Olivia. - Is she my welcome home present?

- No, she's with me. - No, I'll trade you. For any girl here.

- Behave yourself. - He's teasing, Nicholas.

And you're one to talk, considering the first time we met,

he offered me money for sex.

No, Mr. Prim and Proper? How much did he offer you?

$10,000.

- You cheap bastard. - I was pissed.

If I'd been sober, the starting bid would have been much higher.

I'm in the penthouse plaza. Let's go.

Oh, no, no, no. I just got in. There's too many people to see.

Tomorrow, though. Yeah? Yeah?

Sorry to disturb, Your Grace.

Yes?

Ms. Olivia...

you're gonna want to see this.

And nobody knows the trouble

Still trouble, baby

Nicky, you son of a bitch.

Henry, enough!

The Queen's on the line, Your Grace. She's been waiting.

- Grandmother. - Nicholas.

Granny!

Henry, remember yourself, my gracious.

I'm sorry, Grandmother. It's just so lovely to see you.

You look so tired, my boy.

I'm sending the plane for you. I want you both back here in 24 hours.

Wait, I...

Wait, what the fuck are you doing?

You spoiled little shit.

Stop!

You're really angry.

Yes, Henry.

Fuck sake.

I was gonna spend my summer in New York with Olivia.

Now 'cause of your stupid stunt, I can't do that.

I'm sorry, Nicholas.

You kept it safe for me.

Of course I did.

It'll be all right.

Yeah.

I'm a much better partner than a broomstick.

And better endowed.

How's Henry?

We have to go home.

I have to leave tomorrow.

So soon?

Come with me.

- What? - Spend the summer in Wessco with me.

We can stay in the palace. It'll be an adventure.

I don't want this to be over yet.

- Do you? - No.

Then say yes.

Come with me.

Nicholas, I can't.

Oh, yes, you can.

Ellie, what are you doing?

Eavesdropping, but that's besides the point.

There is no way you're not going to freaking Wessco, Liv.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and you're not gonna miss it.

Not for us or for this place. No way.

It's Wessco, bitch. You're going.

It's more than just running the shop, you guys.

There's the books to keep, ordering supplies, dealing with vendors

and a thousand other things that you're too young

and you're too inexperienced to handle.

I have someone who can help.

I can't believe you're doing this, Liv.

- You don't even know this guy. - I do know him.

You met him, though you probably don't remember.

I expect this kind of thing from your sister, but not you.

Exactly. I've always been the responsible one,

and now I have the chance to do something amazing.

Can't you be happy for me?

We need you here.

Your sister needs you.

Ellie will be fine. I've made arrangements.

She has help.

It's selfish.

Selfish?

Me?

This guy, this prince,

whatever it is, he's gonna hurt you.

When he leaves, it'll break you.

I don't want to see that happen to my little girl.

I know exactly what I'm getting myself into with Nicholas.

We're gonna have something wonderful.

For as long as we can.

And then when it's over,

I'll look back and remember...

there was something amazing in my life.

Even if it was just for a little while.

And then I'll come home... and life will go on.

I won't break, Dad.

I'm not you.

Thank you for doing this.

I know it's not your job, and I appreciate it so much.

Don't worry. We'll look after things for you here.

We'll take care of her.

Oh, I'm gonna miss you,

but I want you to do everything, experience it all.

I'm gonna miss you, too.

I know you can handle this, okay? You're gonna do great.

Just be careful and listen to Marty and Logan and Tommy.

Have the time of your life, girlfriend.

And remember, selfies from every room in the castle every day.

Livvy.

I love you, honey.

I love you, too, Dad.

Nicholas.

You take care of her.

Yes, sir.

I will.

Ready? This is it.

Oh, my God.

All right. Let's go.

Your Majesty, your grandsons have arrived.

Grandmother!

Your Majesty.

Oh, Henry, my boy.

You have been gone for a long time.

Your Majesty, may I introduce my guest, Olivia Hammond.

It's an honor to meet you, Queen Lenora.

What was that?

A curtsy.

Oh, I thought perhaps you had gas.

May I have a private word with you, Prince Nicholas?

Just one?

For sure, I thought there'd be dozens.

Fergus, take Olivia to Guthrie House, please.

Put her in the white bedroom.

Yes, Your Highness, Sir.

Oh, yes.

There are many more than one.

Thank you for having me here. You have a lovely home.

What are you playing at, Nicholas?

She will not do.

I'm not playing at all, Your Majesty.

We agreed.

You have a duty.

I'm well aware of my duty and our agreement.

You gave me five months. I've three left.

You should be spending that time reviewing the list I gave you,

betting women who may one day take their place at your side.

I'll spend the time I have left as I see fit.

I see fit to spend it with Olivia.

I will not entertain one of your whores.

I can make life very difficult for you.

I don't want to do that, but understand, I will.

If you don't treat her with respect, I'm telling you, she deserves.

What in the world has gotten into you, Nicholas?

If you like it, you get fresh flowers every day.

I love it.

It's magical.

Did you get reprimanded?

I survived.

What's the deal with this room?

It was my mother's. No one's stayed here since her.

Is that why I'm here? I'm a big "fuck you" to the Queen?

No. I want you here because I want you.

She doesn't like me.

She doesn't like anyone.

Most days, she doesn't even like me.

Tomorrow, I have a few Prince things I need to do,

but I've made some arrangements that I think you'll enjoy.

Welcome to Wessco.

Everyone's working. I'm bored.

Let's get day-drunk, Olive.

Okay.

Crap.

Oh, really crap.

Crap.

This one.

Definitely.

Oh, yeah, that was made for you.

You're staying till the end of the summer, right?

- That's the plan. - Good.

Sure, thanks.

Yeah.

Are you okay, Henry?

Nicholas, he's worried about you.

Yeah, of course I'm okay. That's my job.

To be okay all the time.

No one's okay all the time.

I like you, Olivia. Truly, you're...

You're sweet and naturally honest. That's rare around here.

And because I like you, I'm going to give you a piece of advice.

Don't get attached to my brother, you bloody idiot.

He doesn't belong to you. He doesn't even belong to himself.

I understand.

You say that, but it doesn't seem like you understand it.

Not when you're looking at him.

Drink up.

What do you think?

I think I know how Alice felt when she fell into Wonderland.

We're all mad here.

By the way, you look gorgeous.

Your Highness, how are you?

There you are, you bloody sod.

God, I blink, and you've disappeared to the States for two months.

- How are you, love? - Hello, Ezzy. Very well.

Oh, yes, well, I see that.

Aren't you a pretty thing?

Tell me, are you a virgin?

- Ezzy! - What?

If you want a shot at this sorry sack,

the V-card has to be in pristine condition.

Does anal count?

I like this one, Nicky.

So do I.

Hello, Nicholas.

Lucy.

Aren't you going to introduce me to your new toy?

- No, I'm not. - I'm Lady Deringer.

I've heard about you.

The coffee waitress.

You always did enjoy slumming it, didn't you, darling?

- Lucy, that's enough. - I don't think it is enough.

Not even close.

He'll crush you, you know.

That's what he does.

Breaks you and then crushes you into dust with his royal shoe.

Ex-girlfriend?

More like ex-psycho stalker.

Forget about her.

Let's lose some of Daddy's money.

Okay.

- I'm going to the men's room. - It's all you.

- Congratulations. - Oh, my God!

This is unbelievable!

- I've never won anything in my life. - Give me just one second, darling.

- I'll be back. - Esmeralda.

My love, you look amazing!

Just where do you think you're going?

Let me guess, you saw Lucille and Nicholas?

How did you know?

Because Lucy is the most unoriginal bitch I've ever known.

But you aren't going to run off, absolutely not.

You can't give her the satisfaction.

Drink up and smile.

- You're being watched. - By who?

Everyone of course.

You're new and shiny and... poor.

And you have your hands on what every woman here,

except me, wants,

the royal family jewels.

Are you really a waitress?

Yes. Sorry, who are you?

I'm Lady Frances Eloise Alcott Barrister, but you can call me Franny.

Oh, you're Simon's Franny!

Olivia, pleasure to see you again.

It's nice to see you too, Simon.

Lucille's been playing her nasty head games again.

You should ignore Lucy. She's a bit of a vile bitch.

She’s a cunt. He’s just too nice to say it.

Oh, he's found you.

- Nicholas? - Yes, he's coming this way.

Get ready. Chin up, tits out.

Are you okay?

Can I talk to you?

I should've told you a lot of things, but...

I'm not used to saying things out loud.

Did you kiss her?

It looked like you were kissing her.

I swear on my parents, nothing like that happened.

I met Lucy at school. We started dating. She became pregnant.

We were 17. I was stupid, careless.

Oh, my God.

Her family wanted the palace to announce the engagement.

My grandmother demanded tests to confirm that whether it's mine.

What did you want?

I wanted to do the right thing.

I loved her.

In the end, it didn't matter.

She lost the baby, a miscarriage.

She was heartbroken.

And you?

I was...

I was relieved.

That's understandable.

When school ended, my grandmother sent me away for the summer.

When I came back, it was different. I was different.

Like I cared for her, but my feelings had changed.

I tried to break it off slowly, but she still took it badly.

How badly?

She tried to kill herself.

I’ve always felt guilty about it, like responsible.

Did anyone... find out?

It never made the press.

I don't know who we paid to keep it out, but there was never a single line written.

Thank you for telling me.

There's been an accident, Your Grace.

It's your brother.

No more, Henry.

I know something's eating away at you, and you're gonna tell me what it is.

It was about two months before my service was up.

And they'd kept me far away from anything that resembled action.

Then I was told about a morale mission at an outpost.

There were a group of men who needed a boost.

A visit from their prince, you know, a reward for service well done.

They were good men.

One of them, he was this crusty old bulldog.

He wanted to set me up with his granddaughter.

And another, he just turned 18.

He'd never kissed a girl before.

And he was very much looking forward to getting to change that.

So I told some jokes, made them laugh.

We took a bunch of photos, and then we headed back.

We were on the road for about seven minutes...

when the first rockets came in.

I told the driver. I told him.

I said, turn around, go back, go back, but he wouldn't listen.

He wouldn't listen, so I...

I punched the man next to me.

I crawled over him and rolled out of the Humvee, and I ran.

I swear to God, Nicholas, I ran.

I ran so hard, and I ran so hard.

But there was nothing left.

It was... It was just...

pieces.

And I can't get past it because those men died.

They died because of me.

They died for a photo op.

There are two men outside this door who'd die for you.

Hundreds at the palace, thousands across the city,

who die for what we represent.

You can't change that.

All you can do is honor those men, Henry.

Don't tell me to live for them! That's stupid, they're dead!

We can't... We can't live for them.

We can't.

There are so few people in this world who get the chance

and have the power to change it.

But we can.

So you pick yourself up and do something amazing with your life.

Have you tried contacting the families?

Maybe you should.

Not because you're a prince, but because you're a pretty cool guy.

Yeah, I am a pretty cool guy.

Good luck.

Oh, I have it.

Shall we go? Let's get the best seat.

This is the best spot.

Okay.

Bravo! Bravo!

Oh, well done, darling.

You got this, Simon.

- Bravo. - Very good.

- Come on. - How are you, Pembrook?

- I'm doing well, Lancaster. Good match. - Let's go.

I wanted to ask you about that souvenir you brought home from the States.

She's exquisite.

She is, but that shouldn't surprise you.

- I've always had exquisite taste. - Yes.

But you don't often bring your slags home to meet Grandmother.

Don't think too deeply about it, Lancaster, you'll hurt yourself.

I've discovered the convenience of having ready to go pussy in the house.

I want to try American pussy.

Let me have a go. Don't mind, do you?

'Course I don't, but not until after I'm finished.

Do you understand, Hannibal?

If I catch you within sniffing distance of her before then,

I'll nail you to the wall by your cock.

What do you mean you haven’t seen her since the polo?

She went to the loo, but didn't come back. When I went to check on her, she was gone.

It'll be all right, Nick, she'll turn up. She probably just lost her way.

Miss Hammond just walked up to the south gate, Your Grace.

Are you hurt? Christ, what happened?

- I needed time to think. - I've been going out of my mind!

Why? I'm just American pussy you're not tired of yet.

Olivia, I didn't mean...

You didn't mean for me to hear? Yeah, I got that.

- How could you say those things? - I didn't mean them.

I don't care if you meant them, you said them!

Is that how you talk about me with your friends?

- Lancaster is not my friend. - He sounded like your friend.

- He's not! - I'm going home.

I thought I could do this, but now I don't want to.

- Stop! I'll explain myself. - Fuck off!

Don't fucking touch me.

Children, children, that's enough of that.

- I’m leaving. - Olivia, no.

It’s dreadful outside, and you look terrible.

You can't go out like this.

Fergus, have a bath drawn and bring a bottle of Courvoisier

- to Olivia's room. - Lovely.

A nice hot bath, a good drink,

and if you still want to leave in the morning,

I'll drive you myself.

Illegitimate bitch, the butler's child.

Bald bitch, compulsively pulls her hair out.

Itchy-twat bitch, no?

Wait, why are we doing this again?

Because this is how it's done.

They hate you, even the ones you haven't met yet.

But it's not like I'm gonna walk up to illegitimate bitch

and tell her I know who her father is, Darth Vader-style.

And that's why Nicholas adores you.

Because you're not like any other woman he knows.

Using this information isn't the point.

It's enough that they know you know.

Perception is reality.

If you can control perception, you control the world.

That's what Nicholas was trying to do today.

What kind of bitch would I be?

Poor bitch.

Definitely.

This place, Olivia, it's a pretty little shitheap,

with a thousand bloodthirsty flies.

But there is goodness here. I've felt it. I've found it.

My Simon loves Nicholas like a brother.

So if he loves him, I think he's one of the good ones.

Time to go, darling.

Goodnight, Olivia.

Thank you, Franny, for everything.

Forgive me.

Forgive me.

Forgive me.

The night we met...

I heard your voice before I saw you.

Strong and deep and calming.

And now...

all I can hear...

is you say those awful things in your lovely voice.

Forgive me.

I swear, I was trying to protect you.

I don't like it here, Nicholas.

I shouldn’t have brought you here.

It's the most selfish thing I've ever done.

But... I can't be sorry about it.

You have come to mean the world to me.

Good morning.

Don't go to New York.

Stay.

Are you not going through with the announcement?

Canceling the announcement isn't possible.

I love you, Olivia.

I love you.

I don't know how to let you go.

I love you, too.

But I...

I can't stay and...

watch you announce to the world that you're marrying someone else.

You're such an asshole.

No.

Yeah. I'm a fucking asshole and a bastard too.

But I can't bear it.

The thought of you being an ocean away.

The thought of never seeing you or touching you.

I love you, Olivia.

I love you, and I don't know how to do it.

I don't know how to... I don't how to let you go.

I love you, too.

But I...

I can't.

If I have to...

I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.

Please don't cry.

I'm sorry.

Let's...

- Let's... - Enjoy the four days we have left.

Hello.

Thank you so much.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I need to speak with you.

Your Majesty, please.

- Nicholas needs more time. - Time will not make it better.

He's not ready.

Of course he is, he was born for this.

- Quite literally. - He doesn't want this.

But he will do it because he is noble, and it's his duty.

- I love him! - Of course you do.

He loves you, too.

When he looks at you...

his father used to look at his mother the same way.

He reminds me so much of my son,

as though he were here.

But...

there is no hope for a future between you and my grandson.

None. And you need to accept that.

- I can't. - It's the law.

But you could change the law.

You could do that for us, for him.

Your country has a president.

What would happen if he unilaterally announced

that elections would be held every eight years instead of four?

What would your government do? What would your people do?

Look...

you are common.

And I don't say this as a criticism.

Commoners look at the world through the lens of a single lifetime.

Monarchs see the world through the prism of legacy.

When he will be a king,

he will better the lives of tens of millions of people.

He could change the world, Olivia.

Thank you for speaking with me.

I have watched you these last few months.

How you are with the staff and the people, with Henry and Nicholas.

I was wrong the day we met when I said you wouldn't do.

If things were different...

you, my dear, would do beautifully.

The young lady looks just like an angel.

No. She looks like a queen.

You look breathtaking, love.

Thank you.

I have something for you.

It's gorgeous, Nicholas.

I designed it myself, had it made.

There's only one in the world.

Just like you.

Your Highness.

Prince Nicholas.

Your Highness.

Your Highness.

Ask me again, Nicholas.

Stay.

For how long?

Always.

Yes.

Come in.

We have urgent news, Your Grace.

You have been summoned by Prince Nicholas.

What's going on?

These are the headlines that will run in the tabloid The Daily Star.

How did they find out?

We were hoping you could explain that to us, Miss Hammond.

Since you are the one who told them.

What are you talking about?

I don't understand.

I spoke to Ellie yesterday, and she...

she didn't say anything.

Nicholas, you...

you can't actually believe that I would do this.

I'm not accusing you.

Well, you're not exactly defending me.

Explain it to me.

Explain what happened.

I can't.

I would forgive you for anything, Olivia.

- But I will not be lied to. - I'm not lying.

Maybe you told someone accidentally.

Maybe you mentioned it to your family or Marty?

So I'm not an asshole, but my family is?

For ten years, there hasn't been a whisper of it in the press.

Weeks after telling you, it splashed across the papers,

and it just so happens your family mortgage is paid off

at the same time.

What am I supposed to think?

Put yourself in my place.

Well, I'm trying. But...

I would believe you, so...

I can't.

Where did the money come from?

We haven't been able to trace the transfer yet.

I need that information.

After everything we've been through.

Everything I'm willing to give up for you...

everything that we've been to each other over these last five months,

you need more information before you can decide

whether or not I'm the kind of person

that would take one of the most painful memories

of your life and sell it to a supermarket rag?

Yes, I need more information.

Fuck you!

Fuck you...

and this fucked up place that raised you.

Then leave, there's the door.

Who are you, and what have you done to my real brother?

My real brother would know that Olivia didn't do this.

She wouldn't have. He'd know it in here.

So either you're too afraid to trust your own instincts,

or you're too afraid to trust yourself, but either way,

you just let the best thing that ever happened to you

walk out that damn door.

Mom would be ashamed of you.

Oh, I... He's not here, Miss. He left earlier.

You were kind to me the whole time I was here.

Thank you for that.

He's a good man.

He can be a little rash at times, but he has his reasons.

Let him come to his senses.

You see, he loves you.

Don't go rushing off like this.

Give him a bit more time.

Time won't make this better.

What the fucking fuck, Henry?

I told you, you were wrong. I told you that Olivia wouldn't do it.

Okay, first off, it was Lucy who leaked that story to the press,

to get back at you.

And the money? Tell him.

Yes, well, you see, I've begun a new business venture.

Pies. Fresh and flash frozen,

they'll be deliverable all around the world.

I purchased the recipes from Olivia's father, for six figures.

And you didn't think you should have told me this?

He wanted to surprise Olivia.

I'm canceling the press conference.

Absolutely not.

I'm going to New York to see Olivia.

I've hurt her terribly.

Out of the question.

I've done everything you've ever wanted, and I've never asked for anything.

I'm asking you for this.

I love her.

It can't end this way.

This is exactly how it is going to end.

The fact remains the day will come

when you will be a husband and a father.

You will be a king.

And what would Olivia be then?

Mine.

She'll be mine.

The word "mistress" does not carry the same weight it did once,

but it's still not a pretty thing to be.

You will have the admiration and devotion of a country.

And Olivia... will have its scorn.

Are you really so selfish, my boy?

- No. - Is that the life you want for her?

- No. - Then let her go.

If you truly love her, let her hate you.

That will make it easier for her.

Review the list of potential wives.

I have narrowed it down to five.

Pick one.

- Me? - Yeah.

Which one am I supposed to pick, Your Grace?

It doesn't matter.

Pardon me, Miss Olivia.

Logan?

What are you doing here?

It was my shift. Tommy has got the day off.

No, no. I mean, what are you still doing here?

In New York?

Prince Nicholas asked me to protect your business, watch over your sister.

Until I receive new orders, that's what I'll do.

Maybe... he forgot you were here?

He doesn't forget about his men.

Okay. Siesta time, people.

Out, out, we are closing early. More tomorrow.

- Go, go, go, go, go, go... - Thank you. Okay.

- Love the jacket. - What are you doing?

Well, it's almost time for the press conference.

So we figured you'd like some privacy when we watch it.

I am not watching it.

Unlike you, we're still have hoping His Hotness pulls his stupid sexy head

out of his perfect perky arse.

- It doesn't matter. - This will give you closure.

People of Wessco.

We've been through a lot together.

You've grieved with Henry and I when we lost our parents,

our pain was yours.

You nurtured us, consoled us,

held us in your arms as if we were your own.

My mother had many dreams for us.

She wanted us to have lives filled with purpose,

accomplishments and love.

The love my parents had for each other was a wonder to behold.

They made each other better versions of themselves.

And you, like my grandmother, Her Majesty the Queen,

have waited not so patiently for me to find a love like that of my own.

Today, your waiting comes to an end.

And so, I announce that I...

I'm a horse's ass.

I knew it! He's Jerry Maguiring you because you complete him!

I had what my parents had. I held it in my hands.

The love of a woman who was not born from royalty,

but is more noble of character than anyone I've ever met.

Knowing her changed everything.

And loving her brought me to life.

And I betrayed her.

I doubted her love and honesty when I should've known better.

And I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

But I will not betray her again.

I will not forsake the dreams my mother had for us,

and I will not ignore what my own soul cries out for.

Not for crown or country.

I'm supposed to stand here today and give you the name of the woman

who will one day be your queen.

But I can't do that.

Because I screwed up.

Royally.

What I can tell you, what I swear to you today is this,

I will marry Olivia Hammond, or I will never marry at all.

Oh, my God, you're gonna be a queen, Liv! Like Beyoncé!

Today, I, Nicholas Arthur Frederick Edward,

abdicate my place in the line of succession

and renounce all rights to the throne of Wessco.

From this moment on, Henry Edgar John Thomas

is the Prince of Pembrook.

- Prince Nicholas? - Prince Nicholas?

No questions.

Thank you for your time.

And one last thing.

Olivia, I'm coming for you, my love.

Daddy.

Well done, Nicholas.

Did you... watch the press conference?

Yes.

About the things I said, the night you left. I'm...

Forgiven.

Completely forgiven.

You had me at "horse's ass".

I love you so much.

I love you.

I don't need a kingdom.

If you're beside me, I have the whole world.

That's so beautiful.

And really cheesy, too.

What happens now?

Well, I'm out of a job.

I was hoping the dishwashing position was still available.