Original subtitles

The phone's runnin' over!

How about somebody answerin' the phone?!

I got it last time!

Will somebody get that phone

before it has a nervous breakdown?

All right, I'll get it. Well, get it.

Robbie, would you get your baseball gear out of the stairs

before somebody slides into home?

You know, Dad, you do one thing around this house,

then, all of a sudden, everything gets piled up on you.

Answer the phone, will you, please? All right.

Hello? Oh, hi, Mary Ann. Cleats on the stairway.

Hey, what are you all dressed up for?

Oh, I have to go into the plant this afternoon.

On a Saturday?!

Yeah, one of the brass is just gonna be in town

over the weekend, and we're having a meeting.

Hey, Dad? Hmm?

What do you want the money for, Chip?

How'd you know I was gonna ask for money?

I'm psychic. What's that?

Ask Mike, that's his department.

Hey, Mike, what's "psychic" mean?

That means he's sensitive to mental

or extrasensory phenomena.

Boy, I'm sorry I asked.

I am also sensitive to rocks in my chair.

That's my conglomerate collection.

Yeah, well, that isn't the point.

That's okay, Dad. Chip, the point...

You didn't hurt 'em any. Well, I'm glad to hear that.

Now, would you put that sweater where it belongs?

Dad, you know what that phone call was about?

No, I'm dying to know.

That was Mary Ann Dunkirk,

and she called me up to ask me for a date.

Oh. Now, how do you like that?

Well, I don't mind, Rob. She's not my type, anyway.

Oh, I thought you didn't like girls who called up guys.

Talk to Mike about that. He's the psychology student.

There she is again.

Hello, Mary Ann.

Yeah.

Chip! Come back here with my rolling pin!

I'm just borrowing it! Chip!

Chip, come back here!

Chip! Bub... Bub...

Bub, do you have to yell?

But he stole my rolling pin!

And he's gonna use it to make a satellite.

How do you like that, Dad?

I tell Mary Ann she shouldn't call, and she starts bawling.

You'll get your rolling pin back, Bub.

None of Chip's satellites ever get more

than three feet off the ground.

But it should be in the top drawer,

not three feet off the ground!

And tell him to quit using my eggbeaters to make helicopters!

I will.

Robbie, will you stop that

before you break a lamp or something?

My rolling pin is probably on its way to the moon

with a monkey in it!

Dad, I told her she shouldn't...

Oh, Chip! Chip!

Mike, uh, take it easy.

I'm-I'm sorry, Dad. Lookit, stop that.

Chip!

Bub, will you stop yelling, please?

And, Robbie, I told you to cut that out, now.

I'm sorry, Dad.

Steve, you don't have to shout.

I'm sorry. I've had a rough week and I guess I'm a little edgy.

I have this morning off and I...

Well, I'd just like a little quiet, that's all.

So would I.

I think I'll take a ride downtown,

and pick up some pipe tobacco or something.

I know boys have to make noise sometimes, but...

I suppose you'd rather have a houseful of girls.

Well, now that you bring it up,

I will admit there have been moments

when I thought that might be interesting.

It'd certainly be a lot more quiet.

Well, if he wanted

a houseful of women, he should've thought about it

a long time ago.

Ah, did you, uh, miss your bus?

Uh, no, it-it missed me.

Oh, well, I'm glad I came along.

Yeah. Red light.

My name's Steve Douglas.

Oh, my name's Longfellow. How are you?

Longfellow, huh?

What's in a name?

Most everyone calls me Billy.

Uh, glad to know you, Billy.

Where can I drop you off?

Oh, oh, I'm going clear across town.

Uh, Manchester, near Spring.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But you can drop me off anywhere along the way.

No, no, I'm, uh, just out for the ride. I'll take you over.

I'm going over to, uh, visit my sister.

She has four boys I like to see.

What do you know.

I'm just trying to get away from four boys.

Temporarily, that is.

Your sons?

Uh, well, three of them are; one's a grandfather.

Oh.

Well, you know, boys can be a problem.

Yeah, they sure can.

And so can girls.

I'd like the chance to find out.

You would?

Oh-oh, the-the signal's changed.

Ah.

Well... thanks a lot, Steve.

Good-bye.

I-I hope I didn't take you too far out of your way.

Oh, not at all.

Besides, uh, who was it that said, by...

that by leaving a few minutes earlier or a few minutes later,

or by stopping to speak to a friend or

by going down one road instead of another,

you can change the whole course of your life?

Uh, that was Longfellow who said that.

The other one.

I hope, uh, picking me up will

bring you a lot of good fortune.

Thanks. And, uh, just to be sure...

here's a token for good luck.

Well, thanks, Billy.

Thanks, Steve.

Oh, uh, you sure you can find your way home?

Oh, sure, I know this town like I know my own name.

Well, if, uh, you'd like to try a shortcut, uh,

turn down Spruce instead of Spring.

Fine. I'll try that.

See ya. Good-bye.

Dead end?!

Let's see, I made a right turn off Spruce,

then a left turn off Pine.

Or was it off Elm?

One of those tree streets.

Some shortcut.

Not out of gas...

Well, Tramp!

Come here.

What are you doing here, huh?

That's a good dog.

You know, for a minute, I thought you were our dog.

You look just like him.

Doorbell's ringing!

I can hear!

I got it the last time!

Just like home.

Oh, hello. Hi.

Uh, nice dog you've got here.

What's his name? He's a she.

Her name's Juliet.

Juliet, huh?

My mother named her.

Did you want to see my mother?

Because she isn't here.

No, I tell you, I've run out of gas,

and, uh, I wonder if I could use your phone

to call the auto club.

You can use it if you can get it.

My sister's talking on it, as usual.

That's because she's always talking to boys.

Oh, I see.

Come on in. Oh, thank you.

Uh-huh.

I don't like boys yet.

I'm only nine. Right?

But everyone says in a couple of years I will.

I'm... I'm sure you will.

I did not say that!

This is the living room.

Yes, I know.

What's your name?

Mine's Kit.

Kit, huh?

I'm glad to know you, Kit.

Mine name's, uh, Steve Douglas.

You can sit down, if you like.

Oh, thank you.

Oh.

Wha... What was that?

Clementine, my doll.

Oh, I'm sorry I sat on her. It's okay.

You didn't hurt her.

Would you like to hold her?

Oh, thank you, Kit. I, uh,

I think it'd be better if you held her.

Oh, men! Honest... oh.

Excuse me. Uh, hello.

This is my sister Bobbie.

Bobbie?

Short for Roberta.

Oh.

This is Mr. Douglas.

He wants to use the phone.

But why are you mad at me?

Oh, well, sure, but Mike's using the phone right now.

Mike?

Short for Michelle.

Well.

Mike, Bobbie and Kit, huh?

Uh, excuse me.

I'll hurry her up.

Are you a friend of my mother's?

No. Uh...

Tell me, Bobbie, what is your mother's first name?

Irene.

Oh, that's a relief.

I thought maybe it might be Steve...

Uh, short for Stephanie or something.

Uh, Mr. Douglas,

do you know anything about boys?

Well, yes, yes, I know a little about them.

Oh, I wish I did.

Something the matter?

Oh, nothing that a date for the school dance tomorrow night

wouldn't cure.

You don't have a date, huh? No.

Oh, and I have a new dress, too.

Even new shoes.

Do you like it?

Yes, I think it's beautiful.

But I can't imagine a pretty girl like you

having trouble getting a date.

Oh, well, another girl called the boy I wanted to go with,

invited him to her house for dinner.

So he has to take her.

Well, sometimes we men get ourselves trapped

into situations we, uh, well, we can't get out of.

Well, if I'd called him first, it wouldn't have happened.

But my mother says it isn't right for girls to call boys.

I think your mother's right.

Well, how would you feel if you had to sit home

and wait for some girl to make up her mind

whether or not she wanted to take you out?

I don't know. I, uh...

I hadn't thought about it that way.

You sound like my mother.

She evades the issue, too.

How about your father?

Oh, we haven't got a father.

My mother's a widow.

Oh.

Is this a picture of your mother?

Uh-huh.

She's very pretty.

Oh, well, I'll go see if Mike's still on the phone.

Oh, there's no hurry.

Oh, yes, there is.

When the phone's tied up, we're out of touch

with the outside world!

Can you tie a bow, Mr. Douglas?

Well, I, uh, I learned how to tie knots

when I was in the Boy Scouts.

Of course, that was a while ago.

Uh, sit down here, Kit.

We never did learn how to tie a hair ribbon.

What kind of a knot would you like?

Any kind will do. Well...

I can't see it anyway.

How about a sheepshank?

Or, uh, maybe a bowline on a bight?

Or, uh, maybe a figure-eight?

Or just a plain old square knot,

which will probably turn into a granny, anyway.

You're funny. Yeah.

Well, this bow's a little funny, too.

You can have the phone now, Mr. Douglas.

Mike's about to hang up on Dick.

Oh, I-I wouldn't want her to hang up on account of me.

Oh, she isn't. They've just had a fight.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

If you lived here, you'd get used to it.

I would?

If that's the way you feel, Dick Rollet,

well, then you can have your pin back.

I'll mail it back, right away.

Uh, couldn't they talk it over?

Uh, maybe, uh... Oh, it doesn't mean anything.

Look, Mr. Douglas,

the minute she hangs up, grab the phone.

She's, uh, crying.

I don't think I want to grow up.

Not if I have to be that miserable.

Thank you, Mr. Douglas.

Good-bye! Forever!

Well, here's your chance, Mr. Douglas.

Miss, uh, uh, Mike, I-I wouldn't cry.

I'm sure it isn't as bad as it seems.

Oh, yes, it is.

You better just dial your number, Mr. Douglas.

Look, would it do any good if I talked to this fellow?

I wouldn't butt in like this,

except I have three sons and I know how they think,

or at least I think I know how they think.

I don't care if I never speak to him again the rest of my life.

Dick?

You called back.

I know; I'm sorry, too.

I told you you should have grabbed the phone.

This will take hours.

Kit, come back here with that blanket.

Kit!

Oh, that's Mub.

Um, she always yells, but she doesn't really mean it.

Mub?

Not your grandmother...

Yes, how did you know?

I just guessed.

You come back here, Kit!

Even sounds like him.

I'm just going to use it for my doll buggy.

Mub takes care of us while Mother works.

I know.

Kit, don't you think I have enough to do all day

without chasing you all over the place?

Get off that phone!

You take those dolls and get those things out of here,

and here, you take your petti...

Who are you?

I-I'm not quite sure.

I-I think my name is Steven Longfellow...

I-I mean Steven Douglas.

Now, why would I make up a story like that?

It was just one of those strange things.

Call it coincidence, if you like.

Did the dog really look like Tramp?

I thought it was Tramp for a minute.

Her name was Juliet.

And they even had a grandmother.

And believe it or not, they called her Mub.

She even reminded me of you, Bub.

Oh, so now I look like a woman.

I didn't say you looked like her.

Boy, can you imagine anything worse

than being a woman and having to look like Bub?

Well, thanks a lot.

And I don't think you've got

Rock Hudson worried very much, either.

Dad, uh, if you don't mind my saying so,

uh, you could have imagined all this happened.

I didn't imagine it.

I met this family like ours, and they lived in a house like ours.

Of course, the furnishings were different, but...

But that was probably your subconscious

just wishing for a household of women instead of men.

Remember? Y-You said it just before you left.

It wasn't my sub-anything.

I tell you it happened.

Well, Dad, uh,

I wasn't going to say anything about it, but...

this morning, when I went to the library, I saw you in the car.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

You must have been upset, even then, because...

Well, because you were talking to yourself.

I was not talking to myself.

I was talking to somebody I picked up.

But there was no one in the car with you, Dad.

Of course there was someone in the car with me.

You just couldn't see him, that's all.

Mike couldn't see him, but you could?

Yes, of course.

The reason Mike couldn't see him, I guess,

was because he was such a little fellow.

A little boy?

No, no, I imagine he was around 35 or 40 years old.

He was only about three feet high.

Three feet high?

Yes, and his name was Longfellow.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow?

Billy Longfellow.

Look, he gave me a coin... A good luck coin.

I've got it right here in my pocket.

I'll show you.

That's funny, I can't find it.

Well, maybe it was an invisible coin.

It was not an invisible coin.

I tell you I had it.

All right, you had your fun.

I've got to go to the plant, but when I get back,

I'm going to take you over and have you meet this family.

Then we'll see who has the last laugh.

This is the house right here.

If you don't mind, we'll wait here.

No, I don't mind.

You stay wherever you want to; I'll show you.

All right.

Juliet.

Juliet?

There's no dog here.

Well, she's probably in the house.

Juliet?

Juliet?

Don't look at me, lady.

I never saw him before in my life.

Maybe I did imagine it.

How am I going to explain this to them?

But after seeing the house empty,

I can understand where it'd be

a little difficult for you to believe.

Yeah, well, uh, I think I'll go upstairs

and hit the books for a while.

Right.

Is there anything I can get you?

No, thank you, Mike.

Uh, a glass of warm milk?

No, thank you.

Dad, I turned down your bed for you.

Well, that was very thoughtful of you, Robbie.

Uh, is there anything else I can do for you?

No, thanks.

You must have some homework or something to do, haven't you?

Yeah, sure, Dad.

Chip, you, uh, you must have some homework, huh?

Yeah.

Dad.

Yes, Chip.

I believed everything you told us today.

Thank you, Chip.

Even the part where you were talking to somebody,

and he wasn't there.

That's fine.

You sure are a good storyteller.

You know, I'm beginning to think you're right, Chip.

Well, so long.

Now, don't you pat me.

Go... you go on.

There just has to be an explanation for this...

A logical, believable explanation.

He's talking to himself again.

Well, that just shows you what overwork can do.

Boy, from now on, I'm gonna watch more TV

instead of doing my homework.

A house can't be lived in in the morning

and absolutely empty a few hours later.

I'm sure that real estate agent said

we turned at Fourth and Pine.

We were doing fine until we picked up that little fella

and gave him a ride.

Some shortcut he gave us.

He was awfully cute, though.

Imagine a name like that: Longfellow.

I've got some laundry to do, and then I'm going to bed.

You better do the same.

Yeah, I'm going up in a minute, Bub.

Nothing like a good night's rest

to bring you back to normal.

Back to normal?!

Will you stop that? I'm all right.

Sure, you are. Sure, you are.

It was probably nothing

but just a little touch of memory virus, that's all.

Memory virus...

Maybe we better stop and ask where Fourth Avenue is.

There's a porch light on over there.

I guess that's as good a place as any to ask.

Now, don't forget to put the porch light out.

I'll put it out.

That's all right, Tramp. Never mind.

Whoop... stay down.

I'm sorry to bother you, but we're lost.

Could you please tell me where Fourth Avenue is?

Well, that...

Well, Juliet, how did you get in here?

Juliet?

Oh, I'm sorry, but your dog looks just like ours.

Tramp, be quiet.

You have a dog named Juliet?

Yes. But I see now that... Be quiet, Tramp.

Now, go on, go on; go in the other room.

I can't believe this.

You have a dog named Juliet,

you have three daughters... Mike, Bobbie and Kit...

And they have a grandmother named Mub,

and your name is Irene,

and you live in a house like this.

I-I'm sorry I troubled you.

I'll just go now. Oh, no, no, please, please come in.

If you don't mind... Look, my name is Steve Douglas, and I...

It's been nice knowing you, Mr. Douglas.

Oh, please, please... Good-bye.

I want you to explain something to my family.

Come in, please.

What's the matter, Tramp... you want out?

Well, okay, out you go.

Attaboy.

And, uh, when I took the family

over there this afternoon, I found the house empty.

We didn't intend to move until next week,

but my brother-in-law, who was letting us use the house,

came back unexpectedly, a-and, and he asked us

if we couldn't get out tonight

so he could get in in the morning.

Well... that was pretty fast moving.

I just hope you'll explain this whole thing to my family.

Of course I will.

Juliet, get on back in the car; go on.

No, no, no, Juliet, you can stay here.

I just want my family to see her, too.

Tramp, I thought I just let you out.

Okay, out you go again.

Attaboy.

Now, Tramp, if you're looking for Juliet,

she went out that way.

Bring 'em all in, Irene.

Mike, Robbie, Chip!

Come here.

Get out of here.

You wanted to go... What's going on here?!

Bub! What?

Come on in, I've got a surprise for you. What is this?

Hey, Steve, I got a surprise for you, too!

Wait'll you see it! Just wait!

Imagine what they thought about me around here

when I told 'em what had happened,

and then I took 'em over to the house and it was empty.

Steve... Oh, Bub, I would like you to meet the Anderson family.

This is Mrs. Anderson and her three daughters:

How do you do? Mike, Bobbie and Kit.

And this is the girls' grandmother Mub.

Bub, Mub.

Hiya, Bub.

Hiya. So there, you see?

Well, let's all go sit down, shall we?

Oh, of course we can't stay very long...

Oh, doorbell. I'll get it. - Oh!

I'm sorry. I didn't see you.

Oh, well, that's the, that's the story of my life.

Say, could you tell me how to get to Fourth and Oak?

Uh, yeah.

Now, if you take a right and go, uh, one, two, three blocks,

that should be Oak Street; then, uh, Fourth...

Mike, uh, are you talking to yourself?

No, Dad, this man here is lost.

Hi, Steve.

Hello, Billy. Uh, come on in.

Oh, uh, I didn't know you lived here.

You, uh, didn't? Uh-uh, no.

Well, come on in and join the party.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Anderson.

Is that...?

The last piece to the jigsaw.

Can I get you something, Mike?

Maybe a glass of warm milk?