Original subtitles

Brother, no wonder it's got no soup.

Nothing seats.

Yeah, that's the most fractured butterfly

I ever saw. Look.

Yeah, it's really chewed up.

Looks like there was acid in the gas or something.

Why don't we go show my dad?

Okay.

Oop.

Let's see... You want another club, mister?

No, thank you, caddy.

Why don't you pretend you want another club,

so I can hand you something once in a while?

Okay. Now let's see, the, uh, next hole is a three par.

I think I'll take the three wood. Huh?

It's this wood here with the "three" on it, see?

Shall I take off its hat?

Oh, yeah, take off its hat. Okay.

Think the ball will go farther that way, don't you?

Now, let's see.

Hey, hey, hey!

No, you don't. No, you don't.

Oh, we're just practicing, Bub.

No ball. Yeah, but you could do

a whole lot of damage with just that stick.

Now I warn you: One busted article in this room,

and I go back to Mother.

Then you... better give me my putter again, caddy.

Hey, Dad, you want to see a real

fouled-up carburetor?

Well, not particularly. Hi, Hank. Hi, Mr. Douglas. Uh...

I'd shake hands with you, only I've got a sort of

a sprained finger from helping my mother carry out the trash.

Oh, I'm sorry you sprained your finger.

We'll have to shake hands some other time.

Hey, Dad, take a look at this butterfly.

Man, what'd you do, drop something in there?

A butterfly doesn't look like that after normal use.

I don't see any butterfly.

I knew he was gonna say that.

You see this thing that moves when I do this, Chip?

That's called a butterfly.

And before you ask me why, I don't know.

Sure is a wreck, huh, Mr. Douglas? Yeah.

Yeah, in fact, there's no point in even putting it back.

Wouldn't you say, Dad?

Yeah, I'd say.

Uh, I suppose you have a solution.

Well, uh, no...

Oh, except, uh, Ginzy McIntire has a real neat Tutho job

I could have for only $17.

For only $17. Now, look, Rob...

Oh, he doesn't expect you to pay for it, Mr. Douglas.

We got a thing sort of figured out.

Oh, a thing?

Yeah, uh, Hank thinks he can get me a job caddying

for one of the big pros at the tournament tomorrow.

Get me a job, too.

I'll caddy for a little pro.

Hank, do you really think you can get Rob

a job caddying in a tournament that important?

Well, sure, Mr. Douglas.

The caddy master likes me.

Besides, my dad's president of the board.

Uh, Hank's gonna caddy tomorrow, too, Dad.

And so he can show me all the stuff

about how to hand the clubs to the big pros

and stuff like that.

Nothing to it... all you got to do is say "Nice ball"

once in a while and tell them how you respect their judgment

when it comes to distance.

Well, that's a good way to make some money.

Out!

Come on, you two, out of here.

We were just showing this carburetor to Dad.

Get your greasy carcass out of my house,

and that goes for your filthy friend, too.

They were just showing me the butterfly...

I don't care if they're showing you the cocoon.

Get out of here.

Out! Okay, Bub, we're going.

Hold it! Don't put your greasy hands on that doorknob.

You ought to know better than that.

Now, get out!

Spend the whole day cleaning the house,

and then these two grease wrecks roll in here

and undo everything I've been doing.

Dad? Yes, Chip.

Who's boss around here... you or Bub?

Would you mind handing me my putter again, please?

And don't ask so many questions.

Deadly, just deadly.

Uh-oh, the last of the angry golfers.

I've got a complaint.

What is it, Mr. Donnigan?

This man's incompetent.

I don't want him to caddy for me anymore.

I just shot the worst practice round of my whole career.

You shot it, I didn't.

It was your fault.

He talks too much, and he's got a silly giggle.

Check me out, Louie... I don't want to work for him anymore.

Just like these small-town clubs,

always giving you the bottom of the grab bag

when it comes to caddies.

Get me a good boy, Louie.

Just because he hasn't won a tournament in six months,

he takes it out on me.

Any volunteers?

Aw, come on, guys, somebody better volunteer.

We can't have Danny Donnigan carrying his own bag.

Caddy for him?

I'd rather go to work.

Hi, Louie.

Hello, Hank. I've got you Taylor Thompson's bag for tomorrow.

Hey, thanks a lot.

Uh, this is Robbie Douglas; he's a real neat caddy.

Hi. Hi, Douglas.

But I'm afraid you're a little too late to...

Wait a minute.

Maybe we're not, at that.

Have you ever caddied before?

Oh, well... Ever hear of Danny Donnigan?

Oh, sure, he won the PGA a few years ago.

He's one of the best in the country.

Well, you seem to know your golf all right,

and you look like a good, strong boy.

How would you like to caddy for Donnigan?

No kidding, you mean it?

Sure, he means it. Well, thanks a lot, sir.

I'll never forget it.

That's for sure.

Never mind those guys.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay, thanks a lot.

Boy, it's a good thing your dad's president of the board.

Yeah, he's got more pull than I thought.

You want a malt? Hey, yeah, sure.

Come on.

Fore!

That was a real nice shot, Mr. Donnigan.

Now, what club would you like for your second shot?

I'll take a three wood.

Where'd you ever hear of a three wood?

I've been around.

You know, Bub, I still can't understand

how Rob got a job caddying for a pro.

That's serious business.

What's serious about golf?

Give me baseball.

That's a man's game.

Well, golf's a pretty popular sport.

Sport?

A bunch of characters traipsing around

through the weeds, looking for a little ball?

Fore!

Hold it, Donnigan, hold it.

If I want a golf ball in the eye, I'll send for you.

Mind if I sit down on your golf course?

No, have a seat, Dad.

Rob, you've, uh, never caddied before, have you?

Uh-uh. Well, it looks like you're doing all right,

but, uh, is there anything I can help you with?

Oh, no thanks, Dad.

Uh, Hank told me everything.

Oh, he did? Well, that's fine.

You're not nervous about tomorrow, then, huh?

Oh, heck no, Dad.

The caddy master was sure glad to see me,

and he ought to know what kind of caddy Mr. Donnigan wants.

Well, how much they going to pay you

for lugging that guy's baggage all over the meadow?

Uh, whatever Mr. Donnigan wants to give me... about ten bucks.

Ten bucks, huh?

Well, that ought to be enough to buy you

two butterflies... and a net.

Yeah.

Well, I'd better hit the sack.

Now?

It's only 7:30.

Friday night?

He must be sick.

Well, I want to be in good shape.

Mr. Donnigan and me tee off

at 9:00 tomorrow morning.

Uh, "Mr. Donnigan and I."

Good night, Rob. Oh, good night, Dad.

Oh, uh, bring me Dad's club, Chip.

Go ahead, Chip.

Here, better take the ball, too.

He'll need that.

Well, I, uh, hope everything goes okay for him tomorrow.

Well, what can go wrong?

Well, you know how it is, Bub.

Anytime you anticipate

that everything's going to be great,

like Robbie is, lots of things go wrong.

Oh, that's a lot of malarkey.

A bunch of fatheads

beating a little ball to death all afternoon...

What is there to that?

Well, when you put it that way,

I guess there's nothing to worry about.

Here you are, Douglas.

Here's the rest of Mr. Donnigan's equipment.

Now, you take good care of him.

Yes, sir. Hi, Rob. How's it going?

Oh, hi, Hank. Hey, are we in the same bunch together?

Threesome, not bunch.

Uh, yeah, I guess we are.

Did your dad fix that up, too?

He must have, but I can't figure out how he did it.

He's in Pittsburgh this week.

No kidding? Yeah.

Hey, uh, where does this go? Uh...

Uh, right there. Oh...

Hey, Donnigan must be expecting

Hurricane Hazel, huh?

Oh, I-I think I heard somebody say it might rain.

He's got everything there but a tent.

You know, old ladies carry that stuff

around the course with them when they're...

Uh... Good-bye.

Yes, sir, ri-right away, sir.

Mr. Donnigan, I'm your cobby, Raddie Doug...

I mean, I'm your caddy, Robbie Douglas.

Well, good.

Here, take these.

Thank you.

Are you going to use all these?

They're practice balls.

Now, if you're going to caddy for me,

I want you to respect my wishes.

Oh, yes, sir.

I'm a very nervous man.

I didn't come here to be criticized by your friends.

I came here to play golf.

I'm sorry, sir, I won't...

Furthermore, I don't want any advice from my caddies.

I don't want you to tell me what iron to use,

or how far it is to the green, or how to putt.

I just want you to keep your mouth shut and tote this bag.

Are we making music?

Well, speak up, boy.

Uh, I can't.

You wanted me to keep my mouth shut.

Right.

Oh, uh...

You see this little rabbit's foot?

Yes, sir.

Well, before you give me a club, I want you

to give it a little lick with this rabbit's foot, for luck.

What month you born in, boy?

Uh, June.

June... oh, that's good.

Gemini's always been lucky for me.

Oh, Mr. Donnigan, you forgot your tee.

I sure hate to say this,

but Donnigan is burning up the course...

Six under par for 17 holes.

Yeah, I must be bringing him good luck.

Looks like you went into the woods, Mr. Donnigan.

Never mind where it went.

Just go down there and find that ball.

Yes, sir.

Oh, brother, what am I going to do now?

Hey, that's not too bad of a lie.

Must have hit that tree and kicked out.

Oh, Mr. Donnigan, I just want to... Don't talk, boy.

You'll break our spell of good luck.

But Mr. Donnigan... Here, give this a lick with that rabbit's foot.

But Mr. Donnigan, I...

How about that, boy? Right on the flag.

Something tells me I'm gonna win this man's tournament.

Mr. Donnigan... Mr. Donnigan?

But Mr. Donnigan...

And this concludes our broadcast

of the first round of our 36-hole invitational tournament.

For those who tuned in late,

it's Danny Donnigan leading the field

at the end of the first day with a sparkling 66.

Don't forget to tune in tomorrow for the second and final round.

In the meantime, those of you

who are planning to attend the...

How do you like that?

Robbie's golfer is leading the tournament.

He's lucky he has Robbie.

Yeah.

Now, you're not going to put that away without washing it.

Even if I licked it clean?

Especially if you licked it clean.

Congratulations, Robbie.

I just heard on the radio

your man's leading the tournament.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you're not very happy about it.

Oh, I'm happy, Bub.

You looked happier than that when you had the mumps.

Why not? He didn't have to go to school for two weeks.

Have some.

Oh, no thanks, Chip.

Well, uh, laughing boy,

you better go and get cleaned up.

We're gonna eat in a little while.

Yeah, okay.

How do you like that guy?

Mike, there's a question I gotta ask ya.

Ask me the question, but take your feet off my bed.

Do you know anything about the rules of golf?

I probably know enough

to answer anything you could ask me.

Well...

suppose this guy's in a golf tournament,

and he hits this ball into the rough.

And-And his caddy... By mistake, of course...

Uh, accidentally kicks the ball

out of the rough into a good lie.

What a stupid caddy.

Oh, well, the caddy tries to tell him,

but-but the pro just won't let him talk.

He-He-He makes the shot

and he finishes the-the round...

and, uh, he... he comes in first place.

Now, what would

the official ruling be on that?

Well, they'd-they'd disqualify the pro,

if they found out about it.

And he'd lose the tournament

for something he never had anything to do with?

Well, that doesn't seem very fair.

Well, those are the rules.

Uh, what do you think the caddy ought to do in a case like that?

Well, if, uh, if I were you, I'd leave town.

Well, I don't think Robbie should leave town, Mike.

How'd you know it was me, Dad?

Oh, I just took a stab at it.

I feel just awful about it, Dad.

I don't want Mr. Donnigan to lose just 'cause I goofed.

Well, just don't say anything.

Keep your mouth shut, and nobody'll know the difference.

Oh, you can't do that, Mike. It wouldn't be honest.

And it wouldn't be fair to the other pros in the tournament.

Robbie did something wrong, and he's got to come clean.

Well, I tried to tell him about it, Dad,

but he's got this silly, superstitious rule

that nobody can talk to him while he's playing.

Well, he's not playing now.

Well, I'd be afraid to talk to him anytime.

He's got a terrible temper.

Here, I got an idea.

Just tell the Rules Committee, let them take care of it.

Well, that wouldn't be fair either, Mike.

If anybody's gonna tell the Rules Committee,

it ought to be Donnigan.

We've got to tell him personally.

I think Mike's right.

I better leave town.

Don't worry about it, Rob. I'll talk to him.

He can be pretty rough, Dad.

So can I, Robbie.

Of course I'll be, uh, talking to him on the phone.

Is, uh, Mr. Donnigan back yet?

Uh-huh.

Well, do you know where I could locate him?

I see. Well, thanks very much.

Yes-yes, I'm sorry, too. Thank you.

Well, he's still not back,

and they don't know what time he will be.

What do you want to bother the poor guy for?

Bub, you don't seem to understand.

Robbie kicked the ball.

So, he kicked the ball?

So what?

There's probably a lot worse things

than that going on around these golf courses.

But this is a tournament, Bub.

It wouldn't be fair to the other golfers.

So, it's a tournament? How do you know

some of the other caddies didn't kick the ball around?

Oh, now, Bub, you can't justify what Rob did

with that kind of reasoning.

Well, what are we gonna do then, Dad?

Well, I'm going out tonight, but when I get back,

I'll try him again, and if I don't get him,

I'll go out to the club with you in the morning,

and we'll straighten Mr. Donnigan out there.

And, uh, go to bed when Bub tells you.

Good night. Thanks a lot, Dad.

That's the kind of father I'd like to have.

Mr. Donnigan.

Sorry, but I'd like to talk to you about your round.

I never talk to anyone before a match.

It's bad luck.

But Mr. Donnigan, this is pretty important.

You don't stop annoying me, I'll have you thrown out.

Come on, caddy, bring my clubs.

You'd think a grown man'd have more sense than to upset me

before an important match.

Yes, sir, you'd think he would.

Mr. Donnigan, before... Watch out there, man. Don't step on that ball.

- No, no, no, I won't... - Oh, it's you again.

I thought I told you not to bother me.

Look, Mr. Donnigan, there's something...

Nobody talks to me while I'm playing a match.

Marshal, this man's annoying me.

I want him removed from the course.

Oh, you can't remove me. I have a ticket.

That only allows you to watch, not to talk to the golfers.

But there's something Mr. Donnigan ought to know.

Mister, don't make me call the other boys.

Come on. Yeah. All right, all right...

Give me my seven iron, Robbie.

I got it.

Rub it up good with that rabbit's foot.

I'm gonna knock this one right in the cup.

Look, I have to talk to Mr. Donnigan

before this match goes any further.

Look, mister, I warn you...

I'm little, but I'm pretty good with judo.

I am not interested in your athletic accomplishments.

Shut up out there.

Didn't anybody ever teach you any manners?

Good shot.

We're standing on the 18th green, ladies and gentlemen,

awaiting the very exciting finale

to this wonderful golf tournament.

This is the final threesome,

and Danny Donnigan is leading by three strokes.

Ah, we did it, Robbie.

I'll be in the locker room in about 20 minutes

- and we'll settle up, huh? - Congratulations.

What are we gonna do now, Dad?

Well, just what we started out to do, Rob.

We'll wait for him in the locker room, and we'll tell him.

After he won the tournament? I know it's going to be hard

to tell him he has to disqualify himself,

but I guess that's what we'll have to do.

Oh. Well, you go on ahead, Dad.

I'll meet you at the car. Oh, no.

No, we'll do this together, Rob.

And, uh, leave the clubs with the caddy master.

I don't want to get hit over the head with a sand iron.

And Joe, that's the best golf

I've played in the last seven months.

Looks like I'm gonna have a good year.

Oh, hi, Robbie.

Hi, Mr. Donnigan.

Mr. Donnigan, I'm, uh, Robbie's father.

His father?

Oh, I'm sorry I yelled at you out on the course,

but, uh, I'm a very nervous golfer

and I can't be distracted.

Got a good boy there, Mr. Douglas.

I guess you came to be paid, huh, Robbie?

Well...

Never saw a boy who didn't like money.

Here you are.

$40 caddy fee.

Here's a little bonus for you.

Well, thanks a lot, Mr. Donnigan.

Don't mention it.

You earned every penny of it.

Look, uh, Mr. Donnigan...

Dad, maybe we better not tell him.

Tell me what?

I hate to say this to you, Mr. Donnigan...

Especially now that you've won first money... but, uh...

on the 18th hole yesterday,

Robbie accidentally kicked your ball out of the rough.

He accidentally what?

I tried to tell you,

but you wouldn't let me talk to you, Mr. Donnigan.

Don't you remember? You thought the ball

hit a tree and kicked out, but it r...

Do you realize this can get me disqualified

from the tournament?

We know that.

Well, who else knows?

Nobody.

The Tournament Committee, they don't know?

No.

And we're not going to tell them.

We figured that's up to you.

I'm not saying anything to anybody,

and you better keep your mouth shut, too.

I'm not giving up $2,200

just because some yokel caddy is a knot head.

Look, Douglas, I make my living out on that golf course.

I haven't won a tournament in seven months.

And if I'm not up there in the money, I don't eat.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Donnigan.

You know I didn't do it on purpose.

Sorry? What I ought to do is turn you over my knee

and give you a good lickin'.

I wouldn't try that.

Oh, get out of here, both of you.

Oh, Mr. Donnigan, gee, we-we j...

Come on, Rob.

Uh, Dad, could you wait a minute?

I don't deserve that, Mr. Donnigan.

Good luck.

Well, I don't know what else you expected.

It's a well-known fact

that most superstitious people are basically dishonest.

Cut out the gab and eat your breakfast.

Can't you see your dad

and Robbie don't want to hear any more about it?

Bub, it's better to face something distasteful

than to turn away and hide from it.

Besides, you can't hide from dishonesty.

It's all around us.

Well, a psychologist in Bucharest figured out

that 13% of the people getting on streetcars

try and sneak by the conductor.

How come Mike talks so much lately?

He wants his dad to know he's getting his money's worth

sending him to college.

Dad?

Do you think we ought to tell

the Tournament Committee what happened?

I don't know, Rob. I just thought he ought

to do the right thing and tell them himself.

I guess a guy like that just doesn't care how he wins.

Well, of course he doesn't.

He's basically insecure.

There's a guy in Aberdeen

who-who went around selling houses he didn't even own.

It's me, Hank.

Come on in, Hank.

Oh, good morning, Mr. Douglas, Mr. O'Casey.

- Mornin'. - Hello, Hank.

Boy, Rob, I'm sure glad they didn't blame you.

Didn't blame me for what?

Well, for kicking the ball out of the rough.

Haven't you seen the paper?

Look, right there.

"Donnigan Disqualifies Himself

Because of Caddy's Error."

"'It was my fault, ' said the disheartened golfer.

'My caddy tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen.'"

Well, he did it, Dad.

You know, I had a feeling he would.

Something to eat, Hank?

Oh, uh, well, no thanks, Mr. O'Casey.

I just had my breakfast at home.

Well, since when does that make any difference?

Oh, well, uh... well, maybe I'll have

a little of the scrambled egg, okay?

Sit right down there and eat the rest of this.

Help yourself to the toast. There's plenty there.

There you are.

Well, Robbie, you didn't get your carburetor,

but you, uh, got $17 worth of experience, didn't you?

Yeah, I guess so, Dad.

I think I'm still too young to appreciate it, though.

Well, maybe we can work it out

so you get the carburetor anyway, hmm?

Boy, I bet Mr. Donnigan sure feels terrible.

You know, Chip,

something tells me he feels pretty good right now.

Well, of course he does.

He's relieved himself from a great load.

It's like taking a rock off his back.

Well, he would have gone through the rest of his life

with a terrible guilt complex...

which would have affected his golf playing,

and-and anything else he tried to do in life.

There's a whole chapter about it in my psychology book.