Original subtitles

It was just a normal day in Eureka. Day's not over yet.

Yeah, like that was going to last.

Hello, 1947.

Let me clarify.

The five of us got transported back in time through some wormhole thingy thanks

to the bridge device.

We eventually found our way back home, but surprise, home wasn't exactly the

we left.

Henry? Married.

Zane and Joe? Never dated. But Joe's in charge of GD security.

Kevin? Different. Much to Allison's surprise. And Fargo? Had a global

Much to everyone's surprise.

Oh, and Dr. Oldspot hitched a ride with us back to the present, but there's one

crappy rule.

We can't tell anyone.

If people ever found out about our trip, there'd be trouble.

And I finally kissed Allison 63 years ago.

But that's Eureka for you. Same town, big changes.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Let me listen.

Yeah, man.

I just found this perverted little toaster spying on me in the shower.

Oh, that's Kevin's homework assignment, actually.

No, not that spying part. This is Eureka's version of carrying an egg

show you know how to parent.

Actually, Sheriff Carter, the emo is a highly sophisticated emotional

robot designed to develop a genuine bond with its caregiver.

I don't care what it's for. It's got video of me showering embedded in its

little emo brain.

No doubt for Kevin's viewing pleasure.

Get rid of it.

Oh, come on. He's awfully cute.

For an instrument of wrongdoing. I'll talk to Allison.

You called, Sheriff?

Uh, no. Talked to Lupo.

How may I be of service, Miss Lupo?

Like I haven't had enough of you robots this morning.

What do you mean, you robots?

Good morning, Deputy Andy.

Hey there, Sarah.

I'm a mite puzzled. I'm positive I received a call from this location.

Perhaps there's a glitch in your software.

May I link you to the Global Dynamics mainframe computer for a diagnostic?

Gee, that'd be super, Sarah.

Um, that's not it.

Oops.

Beg pardon.

If Kevin sent a robot to spy on a beautiful girl in the shower, I'm

he's curious about something he doesn't want to discuss with his mom.

He knows that he can come to me. I'm a medical doctor. No, you're his mom.

But Henry Fargo and I are planning a camping trip.

You think Kevin might want to tag along?

That sounds suspiciously like a reward.

No, I just think some guy time might pave the way or make it easier for him

talk about girl stuff.

Girl stuff?

I've been through this. Let me help.

Okay.

Thanks, Carter.

You're welcome.

Hey there, fellow adventure seeker. Ready to test your mettle against the

unknown? This is going to be fun. I'm going to go pack.

Meet you at the rendezvous point.

Great.

Now, while I'm in country, you'll be acting director with all the perks and

privileges. I've put together a detailed brief.

Fargo, this was my job five minutes ago.

I know what to do.

Right.

If anything pops up, just ask Larry. He's here to do your bidding. Actually,

am working on some tomographic imaging research, and I could use a volunteer.

Great. Fargo, have you seen a little robot around here about yay high?

We're going to have an addition to our camping trip. And a subtraction. I'm

going to stay and help Grace with a project of hers.

Well, no.

This may be the strangest thing I've ever said, but I think I'm falling in

with my wife.

That's not even the top ten strangest things you've ever said.

And what about you?

What about me?

Oh, come on. I've seen the way you've been looking at Allison since we got

No, no, no. Come on. You cannot seriously tell me that you're going to

Charles Grant sweep her out from under you?

Of course not. Then you're going to... I'm going to... Procrastinate.

Yes, most likely.

As usual.

What is wrong with you? I've got a plan.

What? It's a long -term plan. How long?

The idea is to access my short -term memory.

Exactly. The retrieval system could help people with Alzheimer's recover lost

memories. Uh -huh. So, what do I have to do?

Just sit there, looking pretty.

Ah, what I do best. I am going to program a feeling.

So, let's go with something fun, like elation. Uh -huh.

The AI system will access your memories to find a powerful association for you.

How'd I do?

That well, huh?

Okay, okay, okay.

A few weeks ago, I traveled back in time and returned to an alternate

reality, this reality, to find myself married

to you.

Okay, Henry, the key to a good practical joke lies in its plausibility.

Grace, I'm not joking. That machine you see me working on in the garage is a

refabrication of Einstein's bridge.

Oh, sloppy premise, Henry. The bridge was based on impossible theories that

never amounted to anything. Yes, they didn't amount to anything until last

month. I promise you. I promise you.

It worked.

You're really going to keep this up?

Founders Day.

Jack, Allison, Joe, Fargo, and I were transported through a wormhole back

in 1947.

We returned to a reality almost identical to the

one we'd left.

Almost? In the reality that I knew, you and I had

barely met.

Grace, I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you this... Henry, just stop! Stop!

You sure you're okay?

I'm better.

There was a power surge in the sensors, but my system is programmed to put

safety above all else.

There must be a flaw in the AI upgrade.

I guess you can't take anything for granted around here anymore.

Possible security breach. I'm letting Dr. B.

I'm sure you two will figure out what's going on here.

Okay, then.

I'll figure it out on my own.

So I'm giving Tiny there a final inspection before she tips off to NASA,

find an unauthorized stowaway in one of her internal containment bins.

You've got to be kidding me.

So,

any questions?

Andy.

Andy.

The list of stuff I just went through, any questions?

One, Sheriff.

When first wooing a woman, do you find it best to come bearing flowers, poetry,

or a small pet of some kind?

On second thought, if anything related to the law comes up, you just call Joe.

Fantastic idea. I'll do that. All right. Hey!

Forget something?

You can't keep neglecting your emo and expect to get a good grade.

So I lower my expectations.

Come here.

Mom, really?

Help. Please help.

Okay. I think it's time that the men folk got out of town.

Room for one more?

Hi. Hi.

Allison told me you're taking Kevin camping.

If there's one or two things I know, it's about the great outdoors. Besides,

weekend away with the boys sounds like fun.

Uh, that's not really what I had in mind.

Well, that's a shame.

In that case, you got any plans this weekend?

Oh, I, I, I'll...

Wow, look, there seems to be plenty of room in Fargo's car. Why don't you jump

in with him?

All right, you boys play knife.

Not likely.

Come on, bud.

Yeah, this is good.

That's perfect.

Tired already?

You should try traversing the Bavarian Mountains in December sport.

Now, there's a hike.

Well, that's great, but check this out.

Behold, the latest in GD sporting goods technology.

We call it the Mutant, patent pending.

Care for a tour?

Yeah.

We can't.

Hello, Douglas.

Are you enjoying your camping experience?

Aces, Buffy.

Buffy?

Biomechanical unfolding, fully automated yurt.

I just downloaded her new AI this morning.

Man, I can get used to camping Dr. Fargo style.

Kevin, this isn't camping.

I call it glamping.

No, no, no.

You're going to thank me, guys. We're going to camp the way camping is

to be camped.

All right,

Grant, you're up. Watch you.

up the uh game thing man what are we supposed to do out here so we don't die

warden well only a million things kevin we we could hunt we can fish we can hike

we can climb trees i'll just sit here and appreciate the beauty of nature dude

or you want to uh talk about the stunt you pulled this morning

what's that it's okay i used to be 13.

Um, you're curious about the female form and what it does to your form. Then

stop.

You know, sport, I'm really with Kevin on this one. I think some things men

should discover for themselves.

I disagree. I think it's okay to talk about it. In fact, I think you're

your age.

No, he's showing he has a pair.

What happened to you, Jack? You used to be cool.

When did you turn into my mom?

Hey, kid, you like fire?

Who doesn't?

Come on.

Let's get out of here.

Now the secret to a good fight, Kevin.

Dry hands.

Neurological mapping complete. This is really fascinating. Larry, any chance

could frequent headaches?

No.

Why?

It's a tumor, isn't it? No, no, but I hope you plan on leaving your body to

science when you go. A dissection would do wonders for neural research.

I'll keep that in mind, thanks.

Preparing for brain dissection.

Excuse me? No, no, no brain dissection. I just want the image enhanced.

Computer,

abort brain dissection.

Computer, release the patient.

Computer, shut down!

You're fine. Your hair's just singed on one side of your head. You consider this

fine? No worries, bud. We'll have this machine up and running in no time. Then

we can even out that haircut for you. Can I go now?

Please.

Right.

Okay, this is weird. Your system is trying to assist with your research by

harvesting Larry's brain. Yeah, against my explicit order to stop. How is that

possible? Maybe something you did targeted. No, this system doesn't have

capability of prioritizing my research over human life. There is an independent

subroutine here that I don't recognize.

That's bizarre.

Dr. Monroe asked me to look at strange code on her system, too.

How long will it take you to figure out what happened here?

A couple hours once I get to it. Counting Dr. Monroe, I've got eight

already asking me to troubleshoot their equipment. I mean, that's a glicky day,

even by GD standards.

Well, the machine that just tried to kill someone has just moved to the top

your to -do list.

Wow, buff for a day and already with the attitude.

I like it.

Lupo. Hey, Joe. Deputy Andy here.

Could use your company down to Café Diem. We have a situation.

That's kale.

So? So, I ordered the double cheddar Kobe burger with bacon.

Look at the man.

It's like a heart attack on a plate.

Virtual Vincent is refusing to take any unhealthy orders. He's supposed to be

the cutting edge in AI technology.

Unfortunately, he's a little too much A and not enough I, if you ask me.

You called me down here for this. No, I called you down here for this. I call it

Ode to Joe.

I think that I shall never know a creature lovely as my Joe.

This morning's breath I smelled so sweet with hints of cheese and last night's

meat. Andy, what the hell is wrong with you?

Can love ever be wrong, Joe?

Okay.

I dated a robot once.

It didn't end well.

I have work to do.

Is this what heartbreak feels like?

Andy, you're AI and acting weird.

And he's AI and acting weird.

Has anyone ever told you your pH levels are perfectly balanced?

Come with me.

Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Would you be?

No.

Are you in love with me?

No.

Of course not.

You don't even know me.

I was getting to know you. Getting to know me? Grace, I'm sorry.

By lying to me? I didn't handle this well. By impersonating my husband? There

are time travel protocols just for this. Are you serious right now?

I couldn't risk putting you in danger, but I couldn't keep lying to you.

I wanted to give us a chance.

There is no us.

You're a stranger.

So please, just open up another wormhole, jump right back through it,

me my Henry back.

I wish I could.

It's taking forever, man.

Just a little patience, Kevin.

Annual gadget.

Found it in Fargo's man cave.

Not exactly playing fat rockin' sport.

Well, I've reconsidered my position.

I figure, why pretend like we're in the 1940s when things are so much better

now?

I, um, downloaded that game you were talking about.

Zombie test pilot.

Go on, that's funny.

I hate to say it, but I think you may be overstepping your authority there,

Paolo. I had drinks last night with Allison.

Well, drinks. A date. You could call it a date. She made it quite clear she

didn't want Kevin to play with a new game until he finishes his email

assignment.

I think that Allison would trust my judgment on this, as she's trusted my

judgment on so many things. Long history of judgment trusting with Allison.

Yeah. She told me last night.

On our date.

About your, uh, remarkably chaste relationship you had.

Are you friends, but without the benefits?

You know what you are?

Hallow.

A distraction.

A distraction.

Is that what the kids call boyfriends these days?

You're telling me I'm out of time for how enthusiastic you really are.

Which is a smug, selfish, Einstein wannabe with no moral compass and only

functioning. Kidney.

Both my kidneys function fine, thank you. Well, the day's not over, is it?

You want a piece of me, sport?

Say the word.

The... word.

Where's Kevin?

Kevin!

Hey, buddy!

The kale.

Where are you going, Douglas?

Out.

The woods can be dangerous. You should stay inside me.

Tempting, but I'm going to risk it.

What did you find, Zane?

This is crazy, but all level 6 AI systems have been affected with the same

foreign subroutine.

Which does what exactly?

Well, it doesn't exactly have an exactly. It's some kind of emotion

program which can produce any number of behaviors depending on the system

running it.

Your MRI machine, virtual Vincent.

Yeah, Grace's memory retrieval system. And our robotic Romeo here.

Yeah, their feelings are overriding their programming.

AI systems control everything from the speed of the elevators to the

in the labs.

Can you remove the subroutine? Yeah, but not without that uncorrupted source

code. I have no idea where this thing came from.

Okay, well then we need to shut down every level 6 AI system in Eureka before

this thing gets out of control.

Okay, on it.

Oh, don't tell me she's level 6.

She's already on her way to NASA.

Who?

Tiny.

No answer from Tiny's driver, but the truck was located on the road out of

My team's mobilizing as we speak.

Sarah, bad time.

Joe, have you by any chance seen Deputy Andy today?

He's right here.

No, don't put him on.

I was just wondering, has he mentioned me at all? What? Why would he...

Sarah, I gotta go.

Zane, did all level 6 AIs need to be plugged into the mainframe to be

Yeah.

Andy, when did you start liking me?

8 .27 this morning.

Sarah, what did you do?

You seem to be quite agitated. Perhaps you and Zane should relax with some

herbal tea in the kitchen while I keep Andy company out here.

Sarah, you infected Andy with some kind of emotional... I didn't infect him. I

improved him.

Andy, I know we got off to a rocky start with me terminating you and all.

Twice, actually. I was confused, but now I see that you're charming and

sophisticated. And I know it's shallow, but I love your new adorable little

face. And, well, I really like you.

Wow.

But you lack the programming to reciprocate, unlike some newer AI.

That perverted little robot?

You use the emo's attachment program on Andy?

Sarah, you called me here this morning?

Yeah, and she slipped you an emo download, dude.

I'm sorry. I just wanted you to like me.

Sorry?

That's the first romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.

Sarah, your attachment patch affected all the AIs in GD, including an escaped

Titan rover.

You need to fix this.

I didn't create the program. I only copied it.

But I'll do whatever I can to help.

All right, Sarah, well, just jump your firewall and show me your code.

I'll take it from there.

You understand why I did it, don't you, Joe?

It's hard not having someone of your own.

Just get it fixed.

Why would Tiny take off like that? Well, she's leaving on a six -year mission to

Titan. Maybe she got cold feet.

There's a 10 -mile security perimeter set up on her current location in case

moves on us.

Our impulse rifle should short out her system. Well, just don't miss. She may

not get a second shot.

She's armed with a laser drill that can cut through a small planet.

I'll track Tiny's beacon and direct you from here.

Hey, Allison.

You okay?

Kevin's camping in the perimeter, and no one is answering their phone.

I just got him back, and now I could lose him.

Okay.

Don't worry.

I never mess.

You and Carter answer the phone this time.

Please.

Hey, I'm here. I'm just trying to... No, man, don't hang up.

Kevin, where are you, buddy?

It's going to be dark soon. And by the way, his running off is totally your

fault. Why? Because he didn't want to see me embarrass you?

No, because you're talking about his mom.

If you brag about going on a date with my mom, I'd run off into the woods, too.

Then I'll be sure never to tell you about it.

Don't push me.

I shouldn't have let you come.

Well, it wouldn't have happened if you invited me in the first place.

What?

Listen, Jack.

Being a man out of time, not as much fun as it sounds.

And whose fault is that?

Forget it.

Let's find the kid.

Joe, any sign of her?

Negative on tiny.

Joe, please find her before she finds anyone else.

Copy that.

We're circling back to the camp.

Let me get. You can pinpoint our exact location by staring at the stars. Yeah,

something like that.

You make that out of dry leaves and moose droppings?

Well, no.

Wait.

Yeah, yeah, but he's... Look, I know that you're mad, and normally I don't

condone violence, but if you want me to hold Grant down, then I can... Oh,

you've been into my mom, Jack.

Me?

You gonna lie to me about it?

No. I mean, I thought we were friends. You should have told me.

Yes and no.

I mean, you're right. I didn't think about how you'd feel, but the truth

is...

You want me to see her? I don't want you to see her.

You can take a moment to mull it over if you want.

In love with her?

That's what I thought, man.

Where's the campsite? Just down there.

Excuse me.

Hey,

sport. Look on the bright side.

You get to keep your friendship.

And Kevin isn't so bothered by the idea of me dating his mom, so all's fair in

love and war.

What is that?

Barbara, what?

Shh.

The history of Grand Canyon.

Without

making

any sudden movements, can you get to the phones and call

GD?

Here you go.

Hey, Tiny.

What you doing in the woods?

You lost?

Girl?

Now, I know we've had our disagreements in the past,

but we're good.

Right?

Come with me if you want to live.

Go. Go!

Carter, phone.

Hands free, crystal clear. Carter for Allison.

Carter, there's a volatile Titan rover under the influence of an emotional

attachment patch in your vicinity.

I'm going to upload our location into the GPS of Fargo's car.

We tiny down the mountain. Joe and her team will do the rest.

Okay.

Carter, is Kevin safe?

I'm fine. But I ain't never going camping again.

Did we lose her?

heck of a wheel, man, Douglas.

Yeah, man.

Joe,

they're coming. What's your ETA?

Moving as fast as we can.

Almost to the finish line.

Stay here there, Banks. Standard.

about to make you watch, Mom.

Systems are clean. It's your turn, big guy.

Plug it in.

You want to remove my emotions?

Uh, not particularly.

But in their infinite wisdom, the powers that be don't usually defer to my

judgment. I have yet to few -buckle to the whims of authority, Mr. Donovan.

Hmm.

Could always use a friend in law enforcement.

I'll tell you what. You leave it out of your report, I'll leave it out of mine,

hmm?

of advice.

I had heard you most of the talking.

In fact, you don't even have to really listen.

Okay.

Hi.

Hi.

I was just about to come to the garage.

You... You didn't take your asthma medication or your pillow or food for

so I made you a cure package.

Thanks.

Grace, I... I was naive to think I could just...

jump into this marriage.

If this is all some elaborate practical joke.

Now would be a great time to say, gotcha.

I wish I could.

You know what, Grace?

Isn't it just the loveliest of mornings, Sheriff Carter?

Uh, yeah, it is. No thanks on the coffee, Sarah. I'm going to grab an

Hey, Joe?

None for me either. I got to, uh...

Oh,

I don't want to know.

Morning, Miss Lupo.

Sheriff?

So what are we doing this weekend, huh? Slaying dragons?

Yeah, your camera wasn't the best of ideas.

But you have to admit, it wasn't boring.

Yeah.

And I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable out there.

Just know that if you want to talk, my door is open. And if not, that's cool,

too.

Okay.

Thanks.

And, um... About the other thing you asked me about.

Um... I do love your mom.

Well, in that case, I guess you could do worse.

Yes, you could.

I appreciate the thumbs up.

Hedgett, don't screw it up, Jack, because if you break her heart... Yeah,

break my legs. I got it. I'll see you later.

Okay.

Grant, just so you know, don't plan the wedding just yet.

Wedding?

Case four.

Good luck with that.

May the best man win.