Original subtitles

[ Woman Moaning ] Yeah.

[ Moaning Continues ]

[ Man, Deep Voice ] Baby, take it all off.

[ Woman ] Whoo!

[ Man, Deep Voice ] I want you the way you came into the world.

[ Woman Moans, Laughing ]

[ Man Moans ]

I don't wanna feel no clothes.

[ Both Moaning ]

- I don't want to see no panties. - You okay, baby?

[ Snoring ]

And take off that brassiere, my dear.

Ow. Ow!

Everybody's gone.

Damn!

I'm taking the receiver off the phone.

Ooh! Oh!

Because, baby,you and me-- [ Chuckles ]

[ Shouting ]

this night, we're gonna get it on...

to "Love Serenade."

[ Women ] * Love serenade

* Yeah, yeah

[ Moaning, Indistinct ]

You know I get into these moods and--

- Well, you know how it is. - Whip me, baby. Whip me, baby.

And I'm very glad to know that you feel the same way too.

[ Woman Shrieking ]

- Baby, we're gonna lay here and we're gonna make love. - [ Woman, Indistinct ]

- What the hell's goin' on in here? - Lisa?

Son of a bitch!

[ Ringing ]

[ Gasps ]

Damn.

Getting caught is a bitch.

So I've been told.

* [ Funk ]

[ Man ] * Get up [ Man #2 ] * Get on up

* Get up * Get on up

* Get up * Get on up

* Get up * Get on up

* You said You said you got the *

* You said the feeling

* You got to get

* You give me fever *

* And a cold sweat

* The way I like it [ Whirring ]

* Is the way it is

* I've got mine *

* Don't worry 'bout his

* Get up * Get on up

* Stay on the scene * Get on up

* Like a sex machine * Get on up

* Get up * Get on up

* Get up * Get on up

Bobby! Should I take 'em to the bridge? [ Bobby ] Go ahead.

Take 'em on to the bridge.

Take 'em to the bridge.

Can I take 'em to the bridge? Yeah!

Take 'em to the bridge! Go ahead!

Hit me now!

Come on now.

* Stay on the scene

* Like a sex machine

* The way I like it

* Is the way it is

* I got mine Dig it *

* He's got his

* Stay on the scene

* Like a lovin' machine

* Stay on the scene

* Like a lovin' machine

* Stay on the scene

I wanna count it off one more time now.

Go ahead. Do you wanna hit it like it did on the top, fellas?

Hit it like you did on the top? Yeah!

Hit it now!

* Get on up * Get on up

* Get up * Get on up

* Get up * Get on up

* Get on up * Get on up

* Stay on the scene * Get on up

* Like a lovin' machine * Get on up

* Get up * Get on up

* Taste * Get on up

* Of piano * Get on up

* Taste * Get on up

* Of piano * Get on up

* [ Fades ]

- [ Beeps ] - [ Woman ] Ah, Dray.

[ Jamaican Accent ] I love you so much, man,

because you're just so--

So-- Mmm. [ Beeps ]

[ Woman #2 Laughs ] Oh, Dray!

It's your sense of humor.

You're so funny, and you're witty.

You always just know how to make me laugh.

[ Beeps ]

[ Woman #3 ] You're so thoughtful, Dray.

I mean, Buster never asks me how my day was,

or how I feel,

or-- [ Beeps ]

[ Woman #4 ] Ooh, why do I love you?

Mmm, Dray. Where should I begin?

[ Doorbell Rings ] I'll be right there!

[ Rewinding ]

[ Chuckles ] Lisa.

Hey. Come here. Mwah. Good morning.

Ooh, Dray, this is nasty.

Hey. How's my baby doing?

I'm fine. [ Chuckles ] Mmm.

Mmm. All right. Slow down, cowboy.

Gotta go to work this morning. Sorry!

[ Chuckles ]

Whoa. Whoo! [ Laughing ]

Not this morning. Oh, what?

I gotta get out of here. What is it? Gimme that-- Ah!

I don't have time for this. Not this morning.

Don't put that dirty sock on me.

[ Chuckles ] Mandingo.

Fearless warrior. There's no task too great for him.

Mm-hmm.

Yes. No task?

Well, good.

Then take your Mandingo butt out of here...

so I can clean, okay?

Now, that's your task.

Mandingo. Okay. All right.

All right.

Whoo!

Bingo.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, Dray-Dray.

Yeah.

You've got seven messages on your machine, baby.

Yeah? So?

So, how come you haven't checked them yet?

Because it's probably messages from my crew.

You know, Spootie and Kilo been bugging me all day...

about goin' to my mom's barbecue.

Okay. Well, they ain't about nothin', so I'm sure you won't mind if I check them, right?

Real quick-- Do I ever come over to your place though--

Do-- Do I? Do I come over your place and go through your stuff,

knock your Mary Kay all over, what?

No, Dray, because you know I have nothing to hide.

Don't go there. We are talking about your machine.

[ Sighs ] Okay. I'll play it for you.

I'll play it for you, okay?

I will play it for you. Okay, wait.

What? You don't have to play it, okay?

You sure? 'Cause, baby, listen. No.

I will play this thing for you. I will play the remix.

No, Dray, we're gonna leave it there. Because you know what? I trust you.

I'll play this for you.

You don't have to play it, Dray, okay? I'm sorry.

Tsk. Come here.

[ Sighs ] I love you.

I love you more.

[ Both Chuckling ]

I'm going downstairs right now. Okay.

Get the mail, and I'll be right back. Okay.

You do that. You go downstairs. Okay? All right.

You go downstairs.

[ Elevator Bell Dings ] Hey, Tony!

I still see you're readin' that Fish & Rod, huh?

No, this is just a front.

I'm "fronting," as you people say.

Here. Take a look at that. Ooh. Damn!

Boy, oh, boy. Look at that.

See, most guys don't have that much hair on their heads.

Damn! Boy, she must trim that with a weed whacker.

And look. See? You can see her whole, um-- um-- uh--

Don't-- Oh, don't tell me. Don't tell me.

Uh, vagina. Yes.

Damn, it's been a long time.

I've got to know.

And all I've got to do is push that button. I'm pushing that button.

Hi, Dray, it's Mama. How are you and sweet little Lisa doin'?

Oh, my God! His mother! Give your mama a call,okay?

[ Beeps ] Dray, this is Grandmama.

[ Gasps ] His grandmother! Oh, no! Anybody but his grandmother!

[ Beeps ] [ Man ] Yo, Dray. This is Spootie.

- You ever thought about-- - Spootie, Booty-- whatever your name is.

Hey, wait a second. What, are you out of your mind?

You know she's probably up there in your room, searching through your dresser,

lookin' through your clothes.

Well, at least she's listening to the answering machine.

See, even themost trustworthy girl...

will check that answering machine.

So just change the tape.

- Ahhh! - Ahhh. Yeah.

Meanwhile, I like that one you came back with last night.

[ Chuckles ] Who, Sherri?

Oh, boy, I'd like to start sloppin' and boppin'...

on that great big juicy ass.

Just diggin' my fingernails into it.

Just squeezing the life out of it. Just--

I don't know how you find them.

Oh, man. Whew.

[ Sighs ] Do I smell breakfast?

You sure do.

Come on down here and sit and eat.

Oh, boy. All nice and hot.

My favorite-- pancakes and eggs.

Mmm! Oh, come on, Dray. What did I tell you?

Sit down here and eat before it gets cold, okay?

[ Exhales ]

[ Phone Ringing ]

I'll get it.

[ Ringing Continues ]

All right. I trust you.

[ Rings ]

Hello? [ Woman ] Hi, baby.

Just can't stop thinking about you.

Mmm. Did you get my message?

Sure I did.

You were really wonderful.

You know I'm ready for some more.

When can I see you?

Sooner than you think.

I love you.

[ Exhales ] I love you too, baby.

Who was on the phone?

Oh, Sherri, this big-booty girl I was bonin' last night.

- Doo, doo, doo, doo. - Yeah, Dray. You play too much.

[ Doorbell Rings ]

Hi, Lisa. Hi, Jenny.

- What's up, Jenny? - Hey, Dray!

Oh, Lisa! You made pancakes, girl? Mm-hmm.

D, Mommy said she need her big black pot for the barbecue today.

You need to learn how to return things.

Girl, I don't know why you're sweatin' over that stove over D.

[ Laughs ] He ain't nothin' but a roach-ass ghetto pimp.

- Where the pancakes at? - The butter is over there.

- They're in the oven, girl. - Thank you, Lisa.

Okay. Come and give me a kiss before I have to go to work.

[ Chuckles ] Oh, yeah. You wanna put that over there for me?

Mm-hmm. Thank you. Come here, come here, come here.

What time are you gettin' off?

Ooh, we have inventory tonight, so probably about 11:00.

Oh! I know.

Tell Mandingo I'll see him later, okay?

Tell him yourself. No, Dray.

Talk to him. Just talk to him. No!

He's gonna page you later. He'll have to page me. Bye.

Oh.

Homegirl can cook, but she's stupid as hell for cookin' for you.

Why are you always up in my business,

just tryin' to mess up my program?

Mwah. Ugh!

Program? You ain't got no program.

D, you a pimp.

Girl, you don't even know what a pimp is.

A pimp is someone who solicits clients for prostitutes...

for the interest of money.

Yo, I'm just checkin' to get my groove on.

Nigga, you ain't all that. You're not!

[ Doorbell Rings ]

Oh. That's my friend Katrina. I told Tony to let her up.

[ Doorbell Rings ]

I told you, don't be bringin' none of your "I wish I got a better weave" girlfriends here.

I hope this one is at least housebroken. Ooh!

Well, hello there.

Hi.

You must be Dray.

Yes. Uh-uh-uh-uh!

Ignore him. Come on in, girl.

Weave. Damn!

[ Chuckles ] So, you have a really nice place.

It's just some cheap shit.

Katrina, can I interest you in a beverage of your choice?

Excuse me.

Why are you talkin' proper all of a sudden like some English teacher?

She don't want nothin' you got to offer her.

I'm fine, thank you.

So, Dray, I've heard a lot about you too.

Really?

- Yeah. I told her everything about you. - What?

How you're a pimp and a player...

and you got all these hos chasing your ass.

Don't listen to my sister.

It's all lies. [ Mock Laugh ] Come on, Katrina.

Get out of here.

Sister's girlfriends are a player's dream.

First of all, they know everything about you already,

and they wanna know firsthand if it's all true.

Ah!

Is it true?

Is what true?

Well, Jenny says you're a pimp.

Yup! Pimpin' and whorin' like there's no tomorrow.

[ Sighs ] No. I'm just a man that lives in the moment.

Moment to moment. I trust my instincts.

[ Phone Rings ]

- Yeah. - Yeah. Spoolie and Kilo are here.

Spootie! I said Spoolie.

Uh, no, no-- [ Whispers ] He's charming.

Don't talk to him. Girl, he will eat your-- I'll be right there.

No, he won't. [ Grunts ]

By the way, Katrina,

a friend of mine is having this real nice pool party.

Mmm?

Maxwell. Oh, Maxwell of Malibu?

Tsk. She too busy.

I was talking to Katrina.

Jenny has the address. She's too busy.

Oh, well, we do have a lot of work to do.

Thanks anyway. Yeah.

Do think about it. [ Kisses ]

Oh!

Thanks. [ Mouthing Words ]

[ Whispers ] Gots to go!

She got hella ass, kid! Look at that. Mmm!

What's a hella ass? [ Chuckles ]

Lot of ass. Lot of booty. Lot of booty. Oh, I see.

No. No, Dray! Boop, boop.

[ Falsetto ] * Your girl wants to give me some ass *

No, she don't! She don't.

See, a woman like Katrina will read, write...

and erase your ass. No.

Your girl is sweatin' me, okay?

She's sweatin' you 'cause you need some A.C. up in this motherfucker.

[ Dray ] Yo, why all my women gotta be stupid?

See, a guy like you can't handle a real woman like me and Katrina.

You see, we too smart for all that player shit.

Oh, like you was too smart for Michael Jones,

who dropped you like a bad habit.

Why you have to throw him up in my face like that?

Girl, I always throw his name up in your face.

Who was the one-- "Stay away from him"? Me!

You didn't listen to me, did you?

Don't you know that me and Mike is, like-- We live by the same laws.

Players. See, we don't take no prisoners.

And you ain't no exception.

Now you're just a statistic.

Oh! So now I'm a statistic?

Yeah. And I'm gonna have a ball...

makin' your girl Katrina a statistic too.

I told you she don't want your ass!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Didn't we already go through this?

Listen. Aren't you supposed to get Mommy's pot?

If that's really why you came, you can leave.

And also, I don't need no statistics all up in my business.

Oh, it's on now. Dray, I'm your sister!

I remember when you was sucking your thumb, pissin' in a pot!

That's why the pot over here now! Ahhh!

Jenny, we have a guest.

It was a pleasure meeting you.

[ Chuckles ] Likewise.

[ Dray ] Don't forget about that party.

Oh. So now you can't hear nothin' I'm sayin', huh?

Well, remember this, Brother. Payback is a bitch.

Jenny, enjoy your day. It was a pleasure. [ Sighs ]

[ Angry Grunt ] [ Door Closes ]

He is such a ho! I can't stand his ass!

Do you know what he had the nerve enough to call me?

That's what I'm talkin' about. Let's get to work.

Now, this, my brother-- this is an onion booty.

Oh, I get it! 'Cause booty is an ass,

and onion makes you cry. Yeah!

So it's onion booty. It makes a grown man cry.

Yeah. Yeah!

[ Mock Crying ]

What, he's crying 'cause he saw an ass?

- Nah. He crying 'cause he a virgin. - Oh.

[ Laughs ] Yeah, very funny, Thicky Ricardo.

Hey, that's enough. Little short-ass fire hydrant, man.

Hey, hey. That's it. Why are you here so early anyway?

Man, you know how them buses be runnin' slow on holidays.

We had to get an early start.

And I ain't tryin' to miss your mama cooking, man. Not today anyway.

I woke up with it on my mind. Does he ever miss it?

Anyway-- Hey, Tony, what can we get for you, man?

Oh, let's see. What do they have there?

[ Inhales Through Teeth, Exhales Loudly ]

Got some candy yams, potato salad.

Some chicken. I can't wait! Mmm!

Hmm. Could you rub him a little more...

'cause I'm starting to get excited by it.

What? This guy's a freak! I'm out of here.

We gotta get out of here. Come on, man. No! Come back!

Come back. The hell with these women!

Bring that fat, bald guy back here!

I want to caress his sweaty, black, bald head!

Yo, man, Tony turned on that bullshit, man, for real!

Man. Whoa! Forget it.

Baby! Yes! Come on to papa!

Mmm! Dray, Dray!

I haven't heard from you in months. Smell the sweat.

I bet you could use a good workout.

And you know I love pumpin' that iron with you.

Did I introduce you to my friend Kilo?

- Oh, hey. What's up, sexy? - Your weight.

[ Laughing ] I love a woman that can make me laugh!

[ Mouths Words ] Yeah!

Mmm. Yo, kid.

I think I could hit that. [ Laughing ]

Believe me, you don't wanna go there.

Yo, man. Who that?

Man, that's Barbara. She lives upstairs on the top floor.

Aerobics instructor.

Sexy and limber. Very limber.

Yo, kid.

I'm-a go upstairs and see how limber that bitch really is.

You understand me? Nah, nah, nah. Hold on. Hold on.

Cardinal rule number one:

- Never, ever mess with a girl in your building. - [ Air Hissing ]

You'll live to regret it. Trust me. I know.

[ Together ] But we don't live here!

Come on, man. You know?

I'll fuck anybody in these apartments. Shit.

Now I'm gonna have to jack his shit up.

Fine. Look, you want to put his ass in check?

Jenny, you know I got your back.

But let's not get sidetracked.

Let's work on our presentation first.

Then we'll work on your brother. Cool ?

[ Man: R & B ] * You give me honesty

* And that's hard to find

Call David real quick, man.

Let's see what's up with this brother.

[ Rings ] [ Knocking ]

Damn. Ow, man. Damn! Damn!

[ Pounding On Door ] Ah, the phone. Ah, the phone! The phone.

[ Woman ] David, if you don't open up this door, I'll kick this shit in!

[ Muttering ] Think I won't?

[ Ringing Continues ] Stop it! Hey! Stop making all that noise out there, Nadine.

You're about to disturb my neighbors now. We can't talk right now, a'ight?

I don't care about your neighbors! Okay, open up the door!

David! David? [ Woman ] Pookie.

David, do you hear me? Pookie!

What's going on out here? Do you want me to answer the phone?

I got this, okay? You sure?

[ Pounding On Door ]

You sure? I got this. I got this.

Okay, we gonna go upstairs? Right up there.

Can we do it with the hat? I'll bring the hat.

All right. Good. [ Mumbling ]

David, I know you ain't got no hussy up in there!

- You just an ignorant ass. I swear to God, you ignorant. - What did you just say?

I know you didn't call me ignorant. I know-- [ Phone Ringing Continues ]

Boy, you better open-- [ Panting ]

Now, girl, didn't I tell you never to come over here unless you call first?

Well, obviously you're not answering your phone today, are you?

And why do you got the chain on the door like you don't even know me? Huh?

Nadine, this is not a good time for us to talk. Oh, no, we gonna talk.

We gonna talk today. I need to-- Let me-- Come on, baby. Come on!

Get your-- Ah!

- [ Whimpering ] - [ Shouting ]

Aw, now, look what you done did to my door!

I can tell something's been going on in here. I can smell it.

Oh, who's she?

Oh, who's she?

[ Muttering ]

I'm his woman.

Who are you, tramp?

[ Phone Ringing ] Tramp? David!

Hey, let me answer this phone. Don't even think...

about picking up that phone.

Something's wrong.

What's the matter, man?

David's answering machine ain't even picking up. Mmm.

[ Gasps ]

Oh, shit. [ Mumbles ] I know...

that this bitch does not have on the shirt--

- No, no. That's not your-- - that I bought your trifling ass...

with my hard-earned money!

- Huh? Huh? - No, the blue one. I said the blue one.

- No, no. - Oh, you done opened up a whole can of ass-whuppin' now.

What's up, MissVanity? Miss Vanity!

[ All Shouting ] Hold on, hold on!

We gotta see what's up with this fool. I hope he ain't dead.

[ Spootie ] I don't even think he in the house.

If he ain't here, all that waitin' around-- fuck that bullshit.

You are such a liar!

Ah! Goddamn! Oh, no, no, no, no, tramp.

Do not be hittin' my man, okay?

Miss Thing, this is my man, okay?

You all right, baby? Oh, toosh, toosh. Baby-- Come on, sweetie.

You okay? [ Groans ]

Liar!

[ Nadine Shouting ] Oh!

[ Nadine ] You got this bitch wearin' my shirt!

I don't know why I messed with you in the first place!

All she was doing was sellin' me some skin-darkening products, baby.

- He ain't never use none of that shit on me! - Baby, please don't go.

No! Get off of me! I'm through with you. Don't go, Nadine.

Don't do me like this, baby. [ Nadine Shouting ] Yeah, yeah. I know.

Hey! Well, then go on then! What?

Don't tell me-- You ain't nothing but a squirrel.

Fuck you! It's my world. You trying to get a nut.

Hey, it's drama. You know, women love that shit.

Goddamn!

- What the hell? Whoo! - Yo, kid!

What the fuck happened in here? Oh, that ho got out of line,

so I had to, you know, kick her ass out,

let her know who's running things up in here.

Running things, huh?

From the look of it, look like she ran her foot in your little whipped cream ass.

[ Laughing ]

Look, Spootie, man, just chill, man. Come on. Give him a break.

No, man. I'm sayin', look how he's dressed. He's butt-naked in some cowboy boots.

See, now, what Nadine need is a real cowboy behind her,

hittin' that ass.

Hah! [ Shouting ]

[ Both Laughing ]

D, what you doin'?

I'm about to whup his ass!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Yo, yo, yo, man!

Yo, give me five! Give me five! Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey. He wasplayin'. He was playin'.

Now, he was playin'. He was playin'.

I'm about to whup his ass! No! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! Hey, hey, hey.

[ Kilo Shouts ] Come on, man. Relax. Relax. See?

See, what you need to be doin' is talkin' about this. What is this?

Oh, no. Oh, here. That was Nadine accidentally walkin' in--

She just happened to-- Just messin' around-- Put her foot in your ass.

Okay. Hey, brah, brah. Nigga, please. You crazy?

I admit, she tried to slap me, but I grabbed her hand like you told me.

I said, "Hey, you ain't slapping me no more.

It's the last time you slappin' up in here. A'ight? Your ass is dismissed.

I will deal with your ass when I'm ready to deal with your ignorant ass."

That's enough, man. Come on. We had enough. All right?

Why can't you just keep it real with us? We're your boys!

Family! You know what I'm sayin'?

Come on, man. Why can't you tell us what really happened, man?

"I was over here tryin' to get some ass. She came in.

She started buggin', and she slapped me.

I love her, man." [ Kilo Cackling ]

You know, you sound just like that fool kid. [ Laughing ]

Yee-hah!

I'm sorry, man. I'm serious. I'm sorry.

My bad. Man, my bad, D. I'm serious.

Come on. Get up, man. Get up, man. Come on!

Man, get up! [ Whimpers ]

Shake it, cowboy.

[ Kilo Laughing ] It don't-- It don't fit.

Man! You know what your first mistake was, man?

Why did you even bring her here?

[ Kilo, Spootie Laughing ] Huh?

Come on. What's up with that? Your second mistake--

Why did you let Nadine in?

Look at the door! Does the door look like I let Nadine in?

- [ Kilo Giggling ] - Look like she knocked that bitch off the hinge.

Yes! Yo, you know what, man? Look.

We all need some air. Come on. Let's get out of here!

Come on, y'all. That's what I'm talkin' about.

So what's his type?

All of his women are different-- like night and day.

You see, if I could just find pictures of him with them,

then I could send them to all of them.

They could see what type of a ho he really is.

That's what I'll do.

Hey, we can also project them on the overhead during our presentation.

Ooh, good idea.

Uh-huh.

How many women do you think he has?

Not women!

Chicken heads! Hood rats! Hos!

Come on, Jenny.

Not all men are dogs and niggas.

And we're not all bitches and hos.

[ Sighs ] You know, Katrina.

Katrina, I don't know.

I don't know what type of men you've been around,

but, you see, my brother is a dog.

All of his friends are dogs,

and Michael Jones is the dog of all dogs!

Oh. So that's what this is all about.

Look. I'm just pissed off right now, okay?

I'm tired of brothers dropping sisters like a bad habit.

And then to make it even worse,

they told me how much of a cold freak he was in bed.

Like with the ice and handcuffs and hot lotion...

and nipple-pinchers and feathers...

and fried zucchini and baby diapers!

[ Shuddering ] Like I wanna know all of that!

I do.

Katrina,

please don't become a statistic.

Oh! No, no. [ Laughing ]

No, not in this lifetime.

I just want to know more about him for our case study research.

Man, but I was raised by nothin' but women,

and I still can't figure them out!

[ Laughing ] Hell!

That's 'cause you ain't tried, D.

Like my sister, right?

For example, she thinks she's so slick.

You know the real reason she came by my place today?

'Cause her and her girlfriend are using me as a case study for her anthropology class.

Like right now, they're still at my place.

Right now, all up in my business.

I'm gonna check his drawers.

Girl, he don't wear drawers. He nasty like that.

Katrina.

Katrina. [ Moaning ]

Katrina. Katrina.

Katrina! You ain't hear me calling you, girl?

Uh-- You're supposed to help me look for the pictures!

Thanks to Jenny, Katrina's a done dish.

The booty is just marinatin' for me! [ Laughing ]

She done told her everything about me already, you know?

Right now she just thinking she wanna find out for herself.

So you think you're all that.

Okay. Check this out.

[ Beeping ] They ain't gonna be home.

[ Phone Ringing ]

Jenny, I know you're not gonna answer his phone, are you?

The hell I ain't. Watch this, girl.

[ Beeps ] Stop, baby, stop.

Hello. Ah. What you doin' answering my phone?

Huh? Huh?

Look at you! You ain't got nothin' to say, right?

Caught red-handed, mouth wide open.

I knocked over the phone by accident!

Tsk. Look, don't start lyin' 'cause you got caught doing dirt.

I ain't even tryin' to hear that.

But, uh, how's that research on me goin'?

How'd you know we was doin' research on--

I know you, Jenny.

But most of all, I know women.

[ Chuckling ]

Yeah. Well, don't flatter yourself that much, Mr. Man,

'cause you're a beast about to get busted.

Look, how many times I gotta tell you, players never get busted?

I am so sick of brothers thinking that they are players.

Oh, like Michael Jones? [ Both Laughing ]

You got me on speakerphone...

so your loud, dysfunctional, stupid-ass friends can hear me?

Who the hell do you think you are?

[ Clattering ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Rings ] Hello!

Hello, Jenny? I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah, you sorry, all right.

You sorry motherfucker!

Damn.

Now he's all sorry.

Shit. He done stepped on my last nerve. That's it.

Calling here with that bullshit.

Putting me on display in front of his old, stupid-ass friends.

I got a display for his ass.

We're going to Maxwell's party.

Yeah. So all his girls can meet in the flesh.

At the party. Uh-huh.

Oh, shit! Create a hostile environment--

[ Together ] And a player will repent and reform!

[ Laughs ] Oh, yeah, baby. So come on.

Help me find that phone book. Okay.

'Cause it's high time that Robin meets Sherri,

Sherri meets C.C....

and C.C. meet that trifling ass Ashenkashay.

[ Loud Burp ] [ Kilo ] What was that?

[ Spootie ] That's your stomach. I need y'all to chill for a minute, right?

I'll be right back. Hold up, man. Hold up. Hold up.

I thought we was going with you. What's up?

Spootie, this is not that type of party, man.

Besides, won't take me too long 'cause she's married.

Married? [ Sighs ]

Wait a minute. Hold on, man. Don't knock it till you try it, D.

A married woman is a player's dream.

They can't demand a lot of your time.

Very understanding. Flexible.

Most importantly, appreciative.

Who does he think he is, Dray Don Juan?

That's the shit I'm talkin' about right there.

Hi, sweetheart.

See? That's why I ain't never gon' get fuckin' married.

Married? Man, you lucky if you get laid.

[ Mocking Kilo's Laugh ]

What do we have here? I made us some tea.

Mmm.

Oh, goodness.

[ Sighs ] What's wrong, sweetheart?

I can't take him anymore.

Buster? [ Exhales ]

No. Leave that alone. You know what you need?

A massage. Come here. Turn around. Ah.

[ Spootie, Kilo, David Chattering ]

[ Dray ] Let me take care of you.

Mmm. Mmm.

Oh!

Oh. You're so tense.

Oh, hell. He cares more about those damn plants than he does me.

With all these plants in here,

he still can't recognize a beautiful flower when he sees one.

What a fool. [ Laughs ] You're so adorable.

* [ Car Stereo: Rap ]

* Quick to get hot if I catch you on the wrong block *

[ Chattering ]

This is where they go to the bridge. Go to bridge, go to bridge!

* [ Continues ]

Cut your fucking music down in front of my house, man. Hey!

My lovely wife's trying to get some rest.

People live on this block, you beige motherfucker.

Fuck you, motherfucker. Fuck yourself, man.

Hate you young son bitches. You don't do shit. You don't vote.

Fuckin' rabbits. All you do is eat, shit and fuck.

That's all right. Your mama's a man.

I'll bust your motherfucking-- Give me that bag.

[ All Shouting ]

Hate you motherfuckers.

Hate them son bitches.

[ Grunts ]

[ Whispers ] Buster. Buster?

Honey! Why are you here?

What you think I'm doing here? I live here.

I know you live here, but you're home early.

Look here. Look here, baby. There's a bunch of smokes outside...

playin' their damn music so loud,

they're gonna bring our property value down.

Oh, they're just kids. What you dressed like this for?

What you wearin' that for? I was gonna take a nap.

And you're just in time. Mmm.

Yeah, I know that's right. [ Chuckling ]

You know, it stinks in here. [ Gasps ]

What's that smell? What smell?

That smell like "boodussy"-- booty, dick and pussy.

I'm telling you, it's all up in here.

You're so funny. Funny nothing. It stink in here.

No, it doesn't. You been taking care of my babies, my plants?

Yes, I have. They look kind of dry, honey.

They're not dry, sweetheart. They look dry to me.

I know how you feel about your plants. Sure, baby.

Ooh! My baby plants. Oh! Is that a bug?

A bug? Where? Where? Ain't no bug on my plant.

Oh, I thought it was a bug. Better not be no bug on my baby!

Oh, it's not a bug. Baby, it stink in here.

It's startin' to fuck with my heart. Oh, honey, it's your asthma.

- [ Coughing ] - Come-- Come-- Come have some tea.

Have some tea. Put this down. I don't want no damn tea.

Oh, yes, you do. I don't want no tea, baby. I don't want-- [ Coughing ]

Just have a little tea for Mama. I don't want no tea.

Honey, come on. Have a little tea.

[ Buster ] Ain't no tea in there, but I'll take some of this, baby.

Who needs tea? Oh, baby.

[ David ] We're back, Michael Blackson!

You fake-ass Christopher Darden looking motherfucker.

[ Moans ] Baby, girl, you got my oven on again.

I knew we were gonna make love again after four years.

I'm gonna drink my ginseng. Gonna get my Stay Hard. I'll be right back.

Oh, boy. M-My psychic told me I was gonna do it again!

- Oh! - Dray!

Dray?

[ Mock East Indian Accent ] Drain.

Don't worry about the drain.

The drain is fine. Who in the fuck is this?

Who in the fuck am I? I am a maid. Who the fuck are you?

What? Let me tell you,

I had to get all the rust out of your pipe.

Had to bang and bang and bang and bang it until all the rust is gone.

There ain't nothin' wrong with my pipe, man!

That is not what your wife said.

Your wife said there's tremendous clogging in your piping.

Baby, why didn't you tell me something was wrong with the pipe, huh?

Sir. Yes, sir?

- How much do I owe you? - Oh, don't worry about it. I've been paid already.

Mmm.

You got a card or somethin'? Maybe I can help you out.

One of the neighbors or somethin'. Sure, sir.

Absolutely. Look here, baby.

Anything you need in this house, I don't want you to be ashamed to tell me.

I don't want nothin' to go wrong here. You're my love. You understand that?

Anything you need.

Sir? You got-- Whew.

[ Door Closes ]

- [ Coughing, Wheezing ] - [ Car Tires Squealing ]

I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you.

We've tried pimp, mack, daddy, divas,

honeys, hos, bitches.

Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait a minute. [ Sighs ]

What do these women really mean to him?

Oh, girl!

All these women mean to him is pus--

Pussy.

[ Gasps, Laughs ]

Bingo.

"Amber, C.C."--

Start writing.

"Shante"--

I thought the girl's name was Ashenkashay.

[ Kilo ] Oh, man, this house is just like you-- phat!

Whoo! We don't see no shit like this in New York, kid.

[ Spootie ] And her lawn is cut.

[ Giggles ] Is it! Like a haircut.

This is sweet. Ye-eah!

Look, fellas, on the real,

do not blast that music in this neighborhood, all right?

A'ight. A'ight. Like we don't know that.

You go handle your business.

Yeah, you're right. It's showtime. I gotta go perform.

Yo. What the fuck you mean, "go perform"?

Look, man. See, this is my girl Amber.

She's, like, the actress-dancer type.

We sort of act out certain scenes.

She's really into that, like, role-playing.

[ Together ] What?

[ Kilo ] Role-playing? Man, I hope she ain't married.

[ David ] Role-playing. Whoo! Sisters is making some money out here.

Look at that. Livin' large up in this neighborhood.

He got him a fine sis-- sis--

Oh! Oh! Daddy!

Hell, nah! Look at--

Oh! Man, that girl is persuasion!

You mean Caucasian. You is an ignorant ass! You know that?

I knew that nigga had jungle fever in him.

Oh, shit, man. Open the door. Where you think you goin'?

It's showtime, buddy.

So what's up, man? You down?

I'm a'ight. Nah, you just go ahead. Y'all have y'all fun.

Y'all go ahead. Take y'all time.

Brah, you still like women, don't you?

You startin' to scare me. You talkin' that trash.

Mmm. Hey, Dray.

I'm really sorry you're not feeling well,

but it is time for your physical.

Oh, shit! Can you see over there?

Oh, I see somethin' that look like an ass.

You can't see? Shit. Damn. Oh, that's a plant.

Fuck.

Damn. You don't see shit?

Come here. Let me stand on your stomach.

How's Mandingo? Mmm.

Oh. Oh, Lord. It's showtime.

Hey, Nadine, please don't hang up on me ag--

Damn it. Whoo! Come over here.

Okay, Nadine. That's cool. I got you.

Can see over here. Just lift me up.

[ Chuckles ] Lift you up? [ Screaming Laugh ]

Me and what fuckin' army?

You better bounce your big ass on that ground and hope you make it over that gate.

How we gonna see?

[ Dray ] Oh, I really need some head, nurse.

Just be patient.

Get it, get it. Get the can.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Look, baby, I was-- Come on, come on, come on!

You can't call me "baby," okay? See, you've got to earn this shit.

As far as I'm concerned, your tired ass is dismissed.

Damn! [ Beeps ]

I ain't callin' her back. Fuck that.

Shit. Nigga got pride.

[ Howls ]

Just-- Just give me your hand. Give me a boost. Give me a boost.

Hold up. Let me exercise first. I don't wanna-- Ah!

Cool. Cool. Don't wanna hurt my back. You know what I'm sayin'?

- I ain't mad at you. Come on. - Hold up, baby. Hold up. [ Karate Yell ]

Come on, man! He'll be finished, man! A'ight. Come on.

Ah! Just hold the fucking can.

Hold up now. You got it? Don't fall now, baby.

Hold the goddamn-- Hold up now.

You in there? What they doin', huh? Oh, man!

[ Kilo Giggling ] Look at my boy!

What they doin'? Damn. Acting. Whoo!

Mmm, my temperature is rising. [ Kilo ] Damn!

[ Screams ] What they doin'? My nigga!

What they doin'? What they doin'?

[ Kilo ] Man! Tearin' it up! What's the player doin'?

Whoo!

- [ Farting ] - [ Groans ]

Shit. Yo!

Yo! Yo! [ Grunts ]

Damn! Why you let it go?

Why you let it go? [ Groans ]

* [ Funk ] [ Giggles ] The game is on!

[ Laughing ] Shh!

Phone's ringin'.

* Got-- Got to pay back

Hello? C.C.? * Revenge

Hi, this is Jennifer Jackson, Dray's sister.

I'm inviting a few people over to Malibu tonight for a pool party...

at his friend Maxwell's house,

and I thought I'd surprise my brother by inviting you.

Yo, I know that wasn't y'all in the window at Amber's house, right?

I can't believe y'all perverted asses was watchin'. Damn!

You mean to tell me you wouldn't watch? Hell, yeah, I'd watch.

But not with no white girl. I am not slappin' skin with no white girl.

I don't care what kind of role-playin' you're doing and all this other stuff.

[ Groans ] Yo, kid, that's where you wrong at, man.

'Cause at the end of the day, when the lights go out, it's all the same thing, baby.

That's what I'm sayin'! Right!

Oh, well, I'll see you at the party later on tonight.

Okay, Amber. [ Giggles ]

Sorry I woke you.

Bye-bye!

[ Exclaiming, Laughing ] What? What? What?

Whoo! The grits gonna hit the fan, girl!

I think Amber is white.

Oh! [ Both Laughing ]

Yo, man, where we goin', man?

I got one more stop to make,

and y'all two nosy motherfuckers gonna sit in the car, a'ight?

Yeah. Sit in the car. You too, Beige.

Oh, hell no, Dray, man!

How the hell are we supposed to learn how to mack if we stuck in this damn car?

What the fuck? You makin' a videotape?

Yo. He got a point.

Look, y'all need to chill out now. Understand this, a'ight?

D, I need a favor.

This girl's a little greedy, so all I need is 30 minutes.

* [ Man Rapping ]

[ Siren Wailing In Distance ]

Where the hell she live, in jail?

[ Dray Chuckles ]

Now, D, don't forget. All right?

Yeah. Don't forget, you got 28 minutes now. All right.

What time is it?

4:15.

[ Rapping ] * Duck down, 'cause my crew from the South Side is bussin' *

* Shit is on, no question *

* Young heads, put away them hair triggers *

[ Moaning ]

[ Shouting ] Yes!

[ Phone Ringing ] [ Moaning ]

[ Ringing ]

Oh! [ Whines ]

Yeah? This is Sherri!

I think she's trying to kill me!

Excuse me. Did I catch you at a bad time?

[ Moans ] Woman to woman? Hell yeah.

Who is this? Ooh! Yeah!

That's it, baby. Girl, I think she gettin' her freak on right now.

With Dray? [ Grunting, Groaning ]

Look, this is Jenny Jackson, Dray's sister.

[ Moaning ] And if he is there, don't say nothin'.

I got ya. I got ya.

Great. Okay.

You know we're gonna get together at Maxwell's house, his friend in Malibu.

And remember, it's a surprise.

[ Moaning ] I'd love to come.

Will you hurry up! Shit!

Ohh!

Bye.

He better get it while he can, 'cause somebody at the party gon' cut that shit off!

[ Laughing ] Well, I hope not.

Mmm.

I wanna try something a little different.

[ Vibrating ] Turn over.

Oh, my God!

* [ Rapping Continues ]

What time is it, man? What time is it?

It's 4:15-- 4:20.

[ Sighs ] * We got freaks around dancin' *

* Niggas romancin' *

* Married women 'round players takin' chances *

Aah! That's it. That's it.

* I'm not tryin' to mess ya Not a dope pusher *

All right, Heavy D-E-F-G--

[ Laughing ] How many left?

That's all of 'em.

That's Amber, Robin, Barbara, C.C., Shante, Sherri. That's all of 'em.

All that's left to do now is to party!

Hey! Par-- What about your mom's barbecue?

[ Gasps ] Katrina!

I almost forgot. Mm-hmm.

My mama's pot! Come on, girl. She gon' kill me.

Hurry!

[ Knocking ]

Who is it? David.

David?

Yeah, David. Um, Dray's cousin.

Damn!

Dray? David. Your cousin.

Hell yeah! Oh, he's cool.

Damn! [ Chuckles ]

Damn!

Oh, sh-- They don't bite.

[ Chucking Nervously ]

[ Chuckling ]

[ Both Chuckling ]

Yeah.

[ Growls ]

Hey, hey, hey! Careful!

Yeah.

Ah. [ Both Chuckling ]

That's right. Uh-huh.

Man! [ Whispering ] All of that.

Yo, man, what's wrong? Family emergency!

Oh, yeah. Your sister.

I already know all about it.

My sister?

[ Chuckling ] Your sister.

My sister. Oh, your sister.

Yeah, baby. I gotta go.

Okay. Mmm.

- You know I was about to wear that ass out. - Oh, stay! Stay!

No, no, no. My sister, girl. My sister.

Your sister.Okay. Yeah.

What is-- David, man. Come on, man.

What you doing? Man, get off that ch-- Come on, man.

Come on, man. This is not you.

Okay, okay. One second, one second.

Did you use the chair? No!

I didn't use no damn chair.

* [ Hip-hop ]

Here, baby.He re you go.

Where's the hot sauce?

Hey, Mama. Girl, where you been?

I went to Dray's house to get the black pot. What took you so long?

- Excuse me. Can I have some hot sauce, please? - Hot sauce, please!

Excuse me! Hot sauce! Can I have some hot sauce?

U-U-Uh-- Baby, please, go get these children some hot sauce.

Yo, please! Sauce! Hot sauce! Excuse me!

Please! Hot sauce! Oh, Katrina. Hi, baby.

Come on. I'm gon' put you to work.

Nadine. Nadine!

[ Chattering ] Uh-- Pick up.

Come on, baby. Please pick up.

Look, I know I messed up. I know I messed up bad.

But, hey, you know you're the only one for me.

Cardinal rule number two:

Never beg on no answering machine.

She's gon' play it for her girlfriends. You'll be branded forever.

Just like this fool.

Just let me know what I can do to make it up. Just give me one more chance.

[ Coughing ] [ Clearing Throat ]

Ah, hello! Uh, a'ight.

Yeah. All right, cool.

Word. A'ight, um-- [ Line: Machine Beeps ]

I'll talk to you later. Out. Peace. [ Beeps ]

[ Laughing ]

Yo, D, you's trippin'.

Nadine got you buggin' the fuck out.

Hell out! You think this is Nadine?

I done told ya, I'm through with that headache.

This is my new girl. This is, uh, um-- [ Clears Throat ]

This is Maria. Maria.

Maria, huh? A.K.A. Nadine?

[ Both Chuckling ]

I swear it was Maria. Man, get out the car.

Come on. Let's go eat, man.

* [ R & B ]

Man, let's go get it! Smells good!

[ Laughing ]

Lord, look what the wind done blew in!

You better get over here and give your mama some sugar, boy.

Mwah! Love you, Mama.

I love you too, baby. [ Laughing ]

* [ Singing, Incoherent ]

Hey, hey, hey!

That what I'm talkin' about.

Here, here. Get what you want. [ Laughing ]

Damn! Damn!

* [ Singing Continues ]

Damn! Whoa, whoa!

You ain't paid that damn much!

Get your fat ass out the way! Shit.

Uh, let me get, uh-- Give me a piece of chicken. No, no, no! Not that!

Not that. Here. Take that.

Hey, m-- Hey, hey! I said the chicken, not the coal.

Get the fuck outta here.

My name is Spootie.

[ Moaning ]

[ Jenny ] Stop slobberin' on her! What's wrong with you?

Louisiana gumbo?

Uh-huh. Ooh.

D, get out of my pot and fix yourself a plate.

Now, where's that sweet girl of yours?

Which one? What do you mean, which one?

Huh? What you mean? Go find David, man.

D? Lisa, Mama.

Oh. [ Chuckles ] Lisa workin' today.

She told me to tell you she's so sorry she couldn't make it. Ohh!

Hey! Ha-ha!

Watch out there now! H-Hey!

Somebody pull my pants down and spank my ass! [ Laughs ]

Somebody should've spanked his ass for makin' this burnt chicken.

Why use a straw, Kilo? Why not lap it up like a dog? Go ahead!

Come on! Go ahead! Shut up!

* [ Continues ]

Why are you looking at me?

I'm just wonderin'.

What kind of dog are you,

a poodle... or a Chihuahua?

[ Laughing ]

Bone-sucker.

I'm wonderin' where should I send your ass,

to Jenny Jones or Jenny Craig?

[ Laughing ]

You got that off!

David, have you met Katrina?

[ Spits ] Katrina, this is David.

- He's so nice. - How you doin'?

[ Jenny ] And she's single.

[ David ] Is your chicken fucked up too?

Yo! Yo, yo, yo, yo!

What part of the family is that, kid?

Yo, that's Peaches.

If Peaches is here, Uncle Fred is in the house.

Now, Uncle Fred, that's the mack of this family.

The original player, my brother.

Now, that man done taught me everything I know.

So if y'all wanna get y'all flow on, we need to go talk to Uncle Fred, baby. Let's go.

I'm goin'.

[ David ] Look out here.

That's his problem. Now he think he Uncle Fred.

That shit's so played out, Uncle Fred don't even know what he doin' no more.

Damn! Do you have any more hot sauce?

Checkmate. Damn.

I can never beat you, Fred.

Well, you just keep tryin'.

You gon' do it one of these years.

Uncle Fred! Oh!

Dray! Ohh!

What's up, Uncle Fred? Hey, Baby D. How you doin' man?

You remember Peaches, right?

[ Peaches ] Hey, Dray. How could I forget?

Peaches, baby, uh-- [ Speaking French ]

Okay? Qu'il représente, baby doll. Qu'il représente.

Represent! Represent!

Damn! She thinks that I told her to freshen up my drink.

I was really giving her the flag salute.

[ All Laughing ]

Now, that's cold! That's cold!

[ Fred ] Hey, buddy boy, you gotta be careful over that suckin' on that bone.

A hundred years from now they'll be checking your D.N.A. with that bone...

and swear you and that chicken were into some kind of freaky sex thing.

[ Laughing ]

- Got that off. - Man, you like a pimped-out Yoda.

So, Baby D, how are your holiday rounds goin'?

Like clockwork. Lickin' and still tickin'.

Oh, that's great. I'm just sorry that your daddy's not still livin'.

He would be really proud of you and that work that you're doing over at Def Jam.

- I miss him. - Mmm.

Hey! [ Laughing ]

I'll be damned!

If it ain't the Double Scoop Twins! [ Laughs ]

The "before" and "before" shot.

[ Laughing ] Thick and Thicker!

What you two fat fuckers sitting around, waitin' on? Knives?

I knew you two fat, swolled-up welfare recipients...

wouldn't miss a meal.

You little two fat bastards! [ Chuckles ]

Oh, look at 'em, lookin' like two big M&M's sittin' over there.

Sittin' over there tryin' to out-eat one another.

Man, to heck with you, you old drunk. You don't know nothin'!

You know, if I had the side of a mountain, I would kick your fat ass.

You old bastard!

[ Laughs ] [ Groans ]

My arm!

I guess you falled and then can't get up, huh? Drunk punk.

What happened to the sun?

But anyway, Uncle Fred, I been wonderin', man.

I wanted to ask you somethin'.

How can I get a woman that ain't gonna dis me...

as soon as some Will Smith Dumbo-eared nigga come along?

You know what I mean?

The most valuable tool you have is your mouth.

If your rap is strong, you can't go wrong.

Yeah, but what if your rap is strong and that shit still go wrong?

[ Laughing ] But that's not possible.

Not if you're marinating that fish right.

[ Chuckling ] Yo, man, your uncle got some words!

I mean, a woman's shit is tight from birth, man.

'Cause, you see, a woman...

who is a player herself...

wants to be played,

has to be played,

needs to be played...

in order for the continuation of this man-woman thing.

- [ Boys Murmuring ] - Man, that's some deep shit.

It is deep. It's a deep, deep game, man.

I mean, it's eternal.

You know, like the smell of chitlins.

[ All Laughing ]

Go get me that plate over there, the one with the tinfoil on it.

Okay. Thanks, baby.

[ Cackles ] The food was great, Janet!

Ms. Jackson, if you're nasty!

[ Laughing ] Boy, you a mess. I'm glad you came.

Tell your mama I said hi. All right. You take it easy.

All right, sweetheart. Ms. Jackson, the food was delicious.

Especially that chicken. Thank you so much,honey.

Next time you come, bring Nadine.

[ Chuckles Weakly ]

[ Chuckling ]

[ Burps ] [ Gasps ]

Excuse me. Boy, you ate so damn much food you can't even say good-bye.

No, I'm gon' say good-bye. Thanks, Ms. Jackson. [ Laughing ]

The food was delicious. Well, you always welcome at my house, Kilo.

I'll be back. Okay, sweetheart. Bye-bye, baby.

Mama!

Oh, boy. That gumbo was so good.

I'm glad you liked it. I made it just for you.

[ Kisses ]

Thanks, baby. Don't forget to give Tony his plate. Thank you. Mama, I gotta go.

Mama, he's not gonna help us clean up?

I gotta go scout some talent for the company tonight. I'm running late now.

Go on and make that money then, baby.

- Me and your sister'll clean up. - Okay.

Okay, baby.

Jenny, tell your girl Katrina I said--

"What's up?"

[ Woman ] Get me some more of that potato salad. Put some greens on there too.

Baby, go over there and fix Miss Jenkins a plate to go. Go on.

Go on! [ Groans ]

That's my baby.

How you doin', honey?

Yo, this has been one of the best days of my life.

Man, it ain't even over yet!

What we 'bout to do now, baby?

Y'all 'bout to go to the bus stop, kid.

Look, come on, man. You gotta go home and get dressed anyway.

We all goin' to the party.

You can't drop us off though, kid?

No. And I gotta make a phone call.

Y-Yeah, yeah. Me too.

Let's get some doughnuts, man.

Doughnuts? Huh! All you think about is food.

Yo, who you talkin' to, man? My mother, a'ight?

My mother.

[ Whispering, Inaudible ]

Come on, man! Damn.

Watch it, man!

Small fucker.

You too, bladder.

Yo, what he just call me?

Yo, ain't that that black motherfucker that got into it with Dray?

You know, it damn sure is! No, hold up. No.

Dray told us to get on the bus. We gon' be late.

Give me some space, a'ight? Give me some space. Geez.

Oh, shit.

What? Buster.

Buster?

Buster!

[ Coughing ] I'll kill 'em!

I don't believe it.

[ Laughing ] [ Dray Shouts ]

[ Shouting, Chattering ]

Go, go, go, go, go!

[ David Laughing ] [ Engine Starts ]

Don't fuck with--

[ Tires Screeching ] Son of a bitch!

[ David Laughing ]

Motherfucker !Fucker!

Oh, shit, there's goes Father Time!

Fuck you, you bitch!

[ Laughing ] Man, what thefuck is wrong with you?

I'll show you, goddamn motherfuckers!

This motherfucker got a gun, man! Run! [ Yelling ] Give me a few minutes!

[ Suppressed Coughing ]

[ Laughing ]

Fuck that old cock-eyed, black-ass motherfucker!

Did you see his face though? He's, like, "I'm gon' kill you!"

"I'm gon' kill you!" [ Coughing ]

[ Coughs ]

Yo, it's good to see you feeling better.

I am too. Forget Nadine. I'm gon' find me somebody at the party.

I know light-skinned brothers ain't in no more. But fuck it. We comin' back.

Whoa, hold up. What year was y'all in though? Come on! '86!

'87, '88, '89.

You remember that.

Hey, D, I'm tellin' you, I'm gonna throw on some new clothes,

freshen up real quick, get ready for this party.

Yeah, that sound good. But what about me? What about you?

I can't be wearin' this. I had it on all day. You don't have no clothes?

No. Remember what happened back in my crib?

[ Sighs ] Oh, man.

Here, man. Here's a towel. Take a quick little shower.

And-- [ Sighs ] Come on.

All right, you can use my-- my clothes in my closet, man.

Good lookin' out. Yo, this time...

you gotta return my stuff, man.

What you mean? I ain't got none of your stuff.

What about the blue shirt I let you hold? What blue shirt?

This blue shirt. Oh. [ Chuckling ]

Well, I'm still holdin' it.

[ Sniffs ] You can have it if you want to.

No, man, I'm all right. Just go ahead. Hurry up, man. Come on.

"Players never get caught."

[ Snickers ]

Callin' me a statistic.

[ Jenny ] We too smart for all that player shit.

[ Dray ] Oh, like you was too smart for Michael Jones,

who dropped you like a bad habit.

Me and Mike is like-- We live by the same laws.

Players.

See, we don't take no prisoners, and you ain't no exception.

You just a statistic.

[ Jenny ] It's called negative reinforcement.

Yes, given a hostile environment,

a player will repent and reform,

and that is the hypothesis of our report.

I think black...

will be more appropriate...

for the burial of a player.

[ Dray ] Yo, D!

Let's roll, man! Come on!

* [ R & B ] [ D.J. ] Hey, what's up, y'all?

This is Jesse Collins. We wanna give a phat shout-out to my man Maxwell...

puttin' down a phat-ass party tonight.

We gon' be rollin' this all night long!

Come on, let's do this! Let's do this!

I'm 'bout to show you how I marinate a fish. Is that right?

Is that right?

* [ R & B Continues ] [ Moaning, Grunting ]

Come on. I likes this! I likes this.

What's up? What's up? Whoo!

What's up, Kilo?

Where's Spootie? The hell with Spootie, man.

Come on. He over there trippin', man.

Yo, dog! Yo, dog!

I think my baby mama is off up in this motherfucker.

Fellas, y'all need to just chill.

You need a little patience. It separates the boys from the--

Man! Yes, indeedy!

I'm 'bout to marinate that fish up in here.

Brah, brah, let me get through here.

Excuse me, brah. Excuse me. Excuse me. I appreciate that.

Yeah. [ Inhales ]

You ready to handle what's about to happen to your little ass, you little freaky thing?

[ Chuckling ]

Ugh! H-H-Hey, baby, come on, now!

You can't give a brother no love? Can't get a little groove on up in here?

Ooh! [ Laughing ]

He ain't shit!

Damn, you fine. I ain't gon' lie about that.

But you ain't gotta do me like that, a'ight?

I know light-skinned brothers ain't in right now, but we comin' back.

* [ Continues ] [ Grunting ]

Ooh!

Damn... fine.

[ Sighs ] Spootie, chess is like a game of strategy.

Before you get to the strategy, you gotta size up your competition.

Check my man out right here in the green. What you lookin' at?

Oh, snap!

It's Arsenio Hallway.

Exactly. [ Laughs ] He trippin'.

And why do you think Mr. Jheri Curl right here...

is sittin' all by hisself?

Because he couldn't afford the activator and the girl?

Exactly. [ Beeping ]

[ Beeper Beeping ] Look at that.

Now, ain't no real player supposed to have no pager.

Why would you want your woman havin' all that access to you?

But your woman should definitely have a pager.

So you can have access to her at all times?

[ Both ] Exactly.

I'm gon' catch up with you later, buddy.

Just request any record. Come on up here and we gon' put it on for you. A'ight?

Would you like to dance?

Huh?

Oooh! Uh-huh!

Come on! Come on! Let's go dance! [ Giggles ]

Let's go dance!

Excuse me. Move out my way. Excuse me.

[ Hooting ]

Yeah! Ooh! Mm-hmm!

Yeah! Mm-hmm!

Oooh! Yeah! Mmm!

Girl, you got a pretty...smile.

What's your name?

Nikki.

Oooh!

Ain't this party a bitch!

* [ Continues ] Oh, come on. She goin' into the robot?

Damn!

Yo, partner. What's up?

Man, whatever you did, it's workin', kid.

That girl over there been peepin' you the whole time.

I mean, hard!

I mean, I been blowin' and everything. It don't change nothin'.

You need to go check out and see who's checkin' you out. Get your play on.

You know what I'm sayin'? That's right, that's right.

* [ Continues ]

[ Gasping, Gagging ] What's wrong?

I think I'm seasick...

from all them damn waves.

Oh! [ Giggling ]

Let's find Dray.

Mm-hmm. Yeah! [ Laughing ]

[ Gasps ] Oh! Jenny!

There's Dray.

You think he's seen any of his girls yet?

No. He's too busy lookin' for some more chicken heads.

- Who's that? Did he come with her? - No.

You see, that's his whole game.

His strategy.

Find the nerdiest girl in the room and treat her ass like she's Halle Berry.

And then all the other girls think he's gon' treat them the same way.

See what I'm sayin'? I feel you.

[ Blabbering ]

Hoo, girl. You look like you could use a drink.

What can I get you? A-A beer.

Mmm. I'll be right back.

Ohh! Sex at last!

[ Chattering, Laughing ] That's right.

I got a new mouthpiece.

The work is done.

Oh, my gosh. I mean, I almost died when he kissed my hand!

I mean, it's like, he is straight sexy!

[ Laughing ] I mean, sex... y!

[ Whispering ]

Well, how you doin'?

* [ Continues ]

You want to dance? Dance?

That's a great idea. Here you go, brother.

[ Sighs ] I'll be back, sexy.

[ Nikki ] It started back in the '70s when I was born.

I mean, I really was a pretty baby, really.

And, I don't know, the acne and everything happened--

Nikki! Here's your beer.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

Oh. Oh, hey, hey.

You gon' save a dance for me?

Ohh!

Yeah.

We gonna slow it down again,

especially for Baby in the pink over there.

We gon' slow it down for y'all right now. * [ R & B Ballad ]

Yeah.

Checkmate.

I need a shot!

Oh, no. He did not!

Girl, what I tell you?

Here. Dumb-ass.

It's on.

See that shit? Works every time.

You gotta give it to him though.

The brother is smooth.

* [ Continues ] Hit me again!

Thank you so much.

* [ Hip-hop, Upbeat ]

I don't need no woman--

Damn! 'Cept that one right there.

Check you out. Check the breath! Ugh!

Hey! Aah!

* [ Continues ]

Jenny! You think that's Amber?

Hell yeah.

From that fake snake outfit she got on to those fake-ass streaks in her hair...

and them fake-- Aah!

Okay, let's go find the other girls.

Mm-mm-m mm. I know you ain't lookin' over there.

Don't you know I will cut you? Mm-hmm!

Hey!

No.

Go ahead, baby. Give me a dance. Yeah, right.

Ain't you lookin' fine.

* [ Ballad Continues ] Oh, yeah. Mmm!

You know what? I'm gettin' a little tired.

But we could hook up later though.

Don't forget.

Baby, I won't.

Romeo, I think you have one too many girls.

I could never have too many girls, my brother.

Okay, then I think that married woman you were boning earlier...

is up in here. [ Giggles ]

[ Laughs ] Are you serious?

Yeah, I am. [ Amber ] Hey, Dray!

Look around. Oh, shit!

Dray! Amber. Excuse me.

Amber?

Oh, wow.

That is Robin.

Well, happy holidays.

No, I ain't even goin' out like that.

Ain't nothin' but a chess game.

Hey, handsome. You owe me a dance.

I do owe you a dance, don't I, sweetheart?

Well, look at what we have here.

Hmph!

Don't even trip! I'm his sister!

She's adopted.

Hey, Dray! What?

Hi, man! Now start trippin'!

Hey! How are you? Good.

[ Gasps ] There's a bad vibe here. You feel that negative energy?

[ Electricity Crackles ] Oh, man!

Yeah, man. I need to meet you in the back room.

Okay. In two minutes.

Yeah. Peace, man. Peace.

She been like that since the eighth grade.

Don't even trip. So sad.

But anyway, I do owe youa dance, don't I? Yes.

If you give me a moment to talk to my sister--

She's adopted. All right? Aw. Okay.

I'll meet you right on the dance floor. Okay.

* [ Continues ]

[ Sighs ] Oh, boy.

Excuse me, ladies. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Yo! Hi!

Shante? Dray!

What are you doing here?

[ Jamaican Accent ] What you tink, man? What do I tink?

I tink you need a drink. Yeah, man, that--

No! What you doin', man?

Sit down. Don't worry. I'll get your drink for you.

Please rest. I'll be right back.

Don't move, sweet.

[ Mutters ] Oh, my God.

Oh, yo, D! D, D, D, get up! Get up, get up!

Listen, man, we got problems.

[ Coughing ] Problems?

Yo, man, there's about to be some major drama up in this party.

Look, something is up, man.

I can't believe this. Every woman I know is in this party.

Oh, shit! Dray--

Hey! Hey, man. What's happenin', baby?

Nothin'. Nothin'.

Peace, patchouli and free love, my brother,

but I need Dray.

Ooh, baby. Dray?

Dray! Where is Dray?

You know, uh-- Dray might be, uh-- Let me get a hit.

Dray might be, um-- I think he's down that-- that hallway there.

That hallway right there. Cool.

Yo, man, this ain't no coincidence, man.

I'm telling you, somebody's settin' me up.

[ Dray ] Jenny.

Hi. How you doin'?

Damn.

[ D.J. ] This is for the true players in the house.

You know who you are.

[ David ] Damn!

Oh, shit! You straight, bro?

Subject an animal to a hostile environment, and he will reform.

[ Jenny ] Yeah, he's about to break like a cookie.

[ Screaming ]

This is the last dance.

[ Shrieking ]

[ Nikki ] Dray! Dray!

Aah! Aah! Don't be shy, Dray!

I'm not! Whew.

Cool. Cool. Cool.

Shante. How are you?

[ Kisses ]

Oh, darlin', you gotta hold on. I have to pee-pee.

Oh, yeah, I have to pee-pee. Hold on. Stand there. Okay?

I'll be right back. Ooh!

[ Groaning ]

Window! Yes! I could go out the win--

Damn!

D-Man, are you okay?

No problem!

I'm rollin' a fat one.

[ Shante ] Yeah, man, I hear that. Busted!

There's too many women here. How am I gon' get out of this?

I can't believe it-- Aah!

Sherri? What are you doin' in here?

Somebody isn't into surprise parties.

What? Don't worry, baby.

I'm gonna take care of you. What? Take care of me?

Uh-huh! No, I'm gon' take care of you!

Take care of me? Oh, please, take care of me--

I need a rubber. A rubber?

Can you wait for me? I'll be right back. Stay right here.

[ Whimpering ]

* [ R & B Ballad ]

Whoa! Oh, whoa!

Oh, man!

Do your thing, girl. It's good to you? [ Laughs ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Engine Stops ]

[ Chattering, Laughing ]

* [ Hip-hop, Upbeat ]

Daddy, I've been looking all over for you! Amber! How you doin'?

Surprise! [ Laughing ] Come here. Come here.

You're so crazy. What are you doing here?

Do you like my outfit? Huh?

Yeah! You look great. Oh, thank you.

You look so nice.

Motherfucker.

[ Giggles ] Kick his damn ass.

Whoo! Amber, you need to go home. Let's go dance.

No, you need to get your ass home. I need to go home?

Yes-- No, we-- we should go home.

We should go home and get into some role-playing.

Oh, role-playing! Cops and robbers?

Cops and robbers? You got your pistol? Yes, I got a pistol.

Full fire, waiting for you. Go home. Please hurry.

Bang-bang. Bang-bang!

Whoo-hoo-hoo.

Oh, shit. Hey, excuse me. Damn.

* Baby

* What's your phone number?

* [ Continues ]

[ Raspy Voice ] Oh, hey! How you doin'? How you doin', sweetheart?

I lost my voice. Oh.

Listen, um, I need a favor from you. Okay.

I really wanna leave here with you tonight, but, um, I don't have my keys.

My sister got my keys-- Robin. I'll help find 'em for you.

She's right overthere. Could you just call her for me?

Sure. Robin!

Robin! Robin!

Buster! [ Gasps ] Busted!

Sure damn have been, Robin! [ Screaming ]

Robin! Help!

Where did he go? I'm looking formy friend Dray.

Have you seen-- Whoa! Excuse me.

I got nothin' but love for you. Why you gotta--

[ Coughing ] That's the shit right there.

Hey, mama! Don't be knockin' my shit out my hands!

Hey, yo, you better quit trippin'. I didn't touch you!

Get the fuck out the way! [ Woman Screams ]

Okay, okay, okay.

I got it.

[ Coughing ] I gotta get my doggone medicine.

[ Inhales ]

[ Tires Squeal ]

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Aw, yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! What's up, huh?

[ Groaning ] No!

[ Buster ] You don't need pipes!

Pipes! Pipes!

I've been waiting two months-- too long-- for this stuff! He is mine tonight!

[ Thud ]

Dray! Baby! Baby, are you all right? [ Groaning ] Yes.

[ Coughing ]

What I want you to do-- I want you to go home real quick.

Just go home and wait for me. I gotta take care of some stuff here at this party. Okay?

And you know what? What, baby?

We gotta start working out together again.

Oh--

[ Both Moaning ]

Okay? You gotta hurry up. You gotta hurry up. Okay.

I really love you. Okay. Okay.

Damn.

A'ight, what's up? It's Jesse here doin' the thing! Whoo!

Ladies in here lookin' good!

Fellas, I'm gonna hook y'all up in a minute, play that slow song.

Better lock down that special one.

* [ Hip-hop, Slow Jam ]

[ Beeper Beeping ]

[ Exclaiming ]

Oh, Dray!

Excuse me. Hey!

[ Beeping ]

Yeah, man! Cool!

Dray! Yeah!

[ Beeping ]

Ah, Dray!

* [ Continues, Man Rapping ] Mmm! Dray!

Where you goin'? Where the hell y'all goin'?

[ Beeper Beeping ]

Dray!

Dumb heifer!

[ Beeper Beeping ]

Oh! I'm coming to you, Dray!

Whoo! Sherri, C.C., Shante.

That's everybody. Mwah!

Hey. You wanna dance?

Oh, u-uh, um-- You know, um-- No, thank you.

Oh. Maybe later.

I-I'm sorry.

If I'd known you were gonna be here, I would have stayed at home.

Hey, Nadine, Nadi--Nadine.

Could you just hear me out? Look--

I know what happened today was wrong.

But, baby, I am sorry. I--

I don't know what I was thinking about. It was a stupid thing to do.

Yeah, you got that right. N--

Nadine, I thought I wanted to be something that I'm not...

and something I realize I never want to be.

Nadine,

I want us...

to have what my parents have--

that forever shit, just me and you.

Oh-- [ Sighs ]

[ Chuckles ]

But you're still sick.

Have you ever thought about...

me boning you...

[ Gasps ]

in your ass, in the rain?

[ Chuckles ] You don't like the rain, huh?

[ Moaning, Exclaiming ]

Yeah! Yeah, it's my birthday! Yeah! [ Grunting ]

[ Chuckling ]

[ Gasps ] Hey!

There's my girls right here.

[ Laughs ]

Whoo. I must admit, that was a pretty interesting experiment.

Right?

But you know what? Your premise was wrong.

Let me ask you girls a question.

If giraffes once had short necks like horses,

why do they have long necks now?

Because thousands of years ago...

giraffes grew long necks in order to reach the foliage in the higher trees.

Right. Foliage being their only food source, they adap--

adapted to their environment.

Exactly.

Certain animals reform.

Others adapt.

Like, if you put a player in a hostile environment...

like this was,

he won't reform.

He'll rise to the occasion and prove his game,

thus adapt.

It's called survival of the fittest.

Good night.

* [ Continues ]

You gonna be okay?

You know what? [ Sighs ]

It never was about my brother.

[ Sighs ]

Hi.

I been watching you all evening.

How 'bout I buy you a cup of coffee?

[ Sighs ]

I'll take that as a yes.

Yeah.

[ Woman ] * It's a man's

* World *

A bucket of ice.

* [ Continues ] Now, some of you may be wonderin',

what's up with the ice?

But if you don't know,

you better ask somebody.

[ Door Buzzer Buzzes ]

She's early.

* A woman or a girl

- Yeah? - Oh, yeah.

She's back. You are one lucky guy.

Tony, what are you doing here?

It's awful. I can't keep my eyes open.

But luckily the hooker I'm gonna get tomorrow makes it all worth it.

[ Chuckles ] I hear that.

I'll see you later.

Women love being served. [ Doorbell Rings ]

* Man made the electric light *

* [ Continues ] Katrina?

I'll see you tomorrow.

Good night.

I'm gonna go get changed and I gotta go see my man. Thank you.

Good night. Bye.

See ya.

* [ Continues ] Here are...

the numbers of your ladies.

[ Chuckles ]

It won't happen again.

Aw, it's no big deal.

Forget about it.

I'm sorry. Am I-- Are you expecting company?

Yeah. Lisa should be here at 11:00.

* Man makes 'em happy

* 'Cause man makes them toys *

Oh, well, um,

guess I'd better get out of here before she comes...

and thinks something's going on between us.

Yeah, I think so.

* [ Continues ]

Bye.

* You know the man makes money *

* To buy from another man *

* [ Vocalizing ] Bye.

* But it don't mean nothin'

Oh, let me get that for you.

* Without a woman or a girl

* Yeah

* [ R & B Instrumental ]

* La-la, la-la-la

* Cha-la

* Cha-la

* Give

* Give me your love

* Ahh-ah

* Give me what I want

Dray-Dray!

[ Heart Beating ]

* I

* I want you

* Need you

* Whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa *

* Give

* [ Off ]

[ Heart Beating Continues ]

Dray?

Hi.

[ Sighs ] Hey. Hi.

You're early. Oh, wow.

Yeah? Wow. Did I ruin your surprise?

No. You're so sweet.

[ Both Moaning ]

You are so sweet. I tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna go change into something more comfortable...

and I'll be right back.

What? What?

Mmm. Go on wit' your bad self.

[ Dray's Voice ] I said it before and I'll say it again.

A player never gets busted.

And Katrina, she got what she wanted.

I guess I'm gon' change one day.

Settle down with Lisa.

Have me some kids! Be normal.

But today...

[ Scoffs ] just ain't the day!

Dray!

Dray! [ Echoing ]

[ Lisa ] Son of a bitch!

Oh, shit.

* [ Funk ]

[ Man ] * Dru Hill

* Foxy *

* In the na-na-na-na

* Look at her

[ Woman Rapping ] * Playa haters every minute wanna stop the dough *

* And every other minute wanna rock the floor *

* And every third minute curve with a swerve in it *

* Come quick like a virgin in it *

* So far came through this shit with no bra *

* Sheer shirt, shakin' my na-na This here hurts *

* Got 'em strung Let 'em know I'm like an Icee *

* For the best effect you got to use your tongue *

* Find my G-spot Get me hot, I'm ill *

* Foxy's chocolate, baby Got milk? *

* Young cats screamin' they want that *

* I tell 'em raise they hands if they sure they not immature *

* Work, niggas, like you one of them live niggas *

* Fly niggas Known to handle a pie, nigga *

* Chick in an off-white pearl six on the cellular *

* Gettin' 'em open like Girl 6 It's on *

[ Men ] * She's a bad mamma jamma

* Just as Foxy as can be

* Hey

* She's a bad mamma jamma

* Just as Foxy as she can be *

[ Woman ] * Playa haters, they every minute wanna see your clothes *

* And every other minute wanna know what you drove *

* And every third minute wanna know if the fur's rented *

* That's why I got no time for hos *

* It's the brown fox Surround blocks, say I'm not *

* See me dressed in B.B.S. round rocks *

* See me just play the low pro

* Got these rap chicks in a choke hold, bee-atch *

* Basically wastin' your time hatin' me *

* I'm like 1.5 'Bout to make it 3 *

* My name will forever ring

* Got 'em screamin', "Damn, Fox" Throwin' ev'thing *

* Hell, yeah For the paper rip a hot track *

* Only for the right paper, shortie Got that? *

* Still in here, I'll be down when you goin' broke *

* Ill na-na master tracks like Tone and Poke It's on *

[ Men ] * She's a bad mamma jamma

* Hey, yeah, yeah

* Just as Foxy as can be

* She like to get down To get down, to get hers *

* She's a bad mamma jamma

* She the reason why my name is Woody *

* Just as Foxy as can be

* Ohh-oh-ohh-oh-ohh

[ Woman ] * Playa haters every minute wanna shit on wax *

* Then every other minute talk behind your back *

* And every third minute hop in your car with herb in it *

* And I ain't got time for that *

* I fakes no jacks I got chips to gain *

* I'm like Bo Jack, baby I'm hip to the game *

* I know it well Rock Prada over Chanel *

* The H-class ho with the H-Findel *

* Rhyme deep in footwear, via Spiga *

* Like Aaliyah One in a million *

* There's a scene in this rap shit comin' in illin' *

* Like I did Laid the groundwork for five hits *

* 'Member when I told y'all first week out *

* Shipped a half a mil Niggas freaked out *

* Love thyself Put no one above thee *

* 'Cause ain't nobody gon' fuck me like me It's on *

[ Men ] * She's a bad mamma jamma

* And you know

* Just as Foxy as can be

* She is Foxy as can be

* She's a bad mamma jamma

* Whoa-ohh-oh

* Just as Foxy as can be

* Hey * She's foxy

* She's a bad mamma jamma

* She's so fly

* Just as Foxy as can be

* Don't hold back, mama

* She's a bad mamma jamma

* Got it goin' on

* Just as Foxy as can be

* Dru Hill, help me sing it now *

* [ Men Vocalizing ]

* Sing it again

* [ Vocalizing Continues ] * Oh, yeah-eah-eah

* Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah-eah *

[ Woman ] * Every minute wanna shit on wax *

* Then every other minute talk behind your back *

* And every third minute hop in your car with herb in it *

* And I ain't got time for that *

* I fakes no jacks I got chips to gain *

* I'm like Bo Jack, baby I'm hip to the game *

* I know it well Rock Prada over Chanel *

* The H-class ho with the H-Findel *

* Rhyme deep in footwear, via Spiga *

* Like Aaliyah One in a million *

* There's a scene in this rap shit comin' in illin' *

* Like I did Laid the groundwork for five hits *

* 'Member when I told y'all first week out *

* Shipped a half a mil Niggas freaked out *

* Love thyself Put no one above thee *

* 'Cause ain't nobody gon' fuck me like me It's on *

[ Men ] * She's a bad mamma jamma

* And you know

* Just as Foxy as can be

* She is Foxy as can be

* She's a bad mamma jamma

* Whoa-ohh-oh