Original subtitles

Water

Water

Look what you brought into my life

Water

Water

You're a misery to me

Water

Water

Look what you brought into my life

Water

Water

You're a misery to me

Seems like yesterday

Never knew nothing about love

I go out just to play

And keep my little belly from hunger

Please don't fight no one

Till you come running to me

Water

Water

Look what you brought into my life

- Governor? - I'm over here, Pepito.

Enjoying the fruits of my Iabours.

Ah.

It Iooks as though we'II have some splendid pineapples this year.

Never mind the pineapple, old sport, wrap your Iips round that.

I took a bit of a chance.

I crossed the pokacheeka with the Bolivian red Ieaf.

Hmm. Possibly as promising as the '79.

These are heavy-duty herbs, boss.

You changed my destiny

Now that you've fooled everybody

And it'd be good to see

Everybody drilling for money

Please don't see no one

Till you come running to me

Water

Water

Look what you brought into my life

Water

Water

You're a misery to me

You bring down company

Put you away in a bottle

And sell you back to me

Soon them applying a shovel

7.45 here on Radio Cascara, home of the stars,

with the tall, tan and talented one, Jay Jay Johnstone.

In the back of the shack where it's all at.

Your number one for fun in the sun.

Eight o'clock, BBC World News.

But before that, a man who speaks with God everyday,

the most reverend Eric McNab and his Thought for the Day.

But first, the weather.

It's hot!

And windy here in Cascara, as usual!

(radio) Whoa, you got me

Living on the frontline

Oh, you got me, mamma

Living on the frontline

Whoa, mamma

You're gonna mourn me in the wrong time

Oh, you got me, mamma

You're gonna mourn me on the frontline,,,

Argh!

Hey, Delgado, man! Look what you did to my roof!

Have you taken Ieave of your senses, my son?

We're seizing this station

in the name of the Cascara Liberation Front.

AIright, me wanna speak to the people right now.

Which one of these things is the switch?

This is the voice of Radio Free Cascara!

Not so Ioud! You'II blow the transmitter.

- Sorry. - Easy. Easy.

This is the voice of your Ieader, The Singing Rebel.

Three, four.

People of Cascara, wherever you are

Listen, please, to my song

- Right now - OK

Time to get rid of the colonial oppressor

(tannoy) Send them back where they belong

- Right now - OK

Time for the people to rise and shout

- Out with the colonialists - (both) Out! Out! Out!

- Right now - OK

Time for the people to make a choice

Let me be your leader

Let me be your voice

(radio) Right now

Oh!

Oh! What are you doing? Are you crazy?!

Sorry to disturb your beauty sleep, Dolores,

- but we have a crisis. - Ah!

Listen. It's Delgado. He's never gone this far before.

And you wake me for this?!

I know it's terribly inconsiderate,

but if I'm to subdue a revolution, I'd rather wear trousers.

Have you seen my other boot?

- OK! - Thank you, darling.

(sighs) Shit!

Blow off your chains and follow me

And I will lead you to liberty

- Right now - OK

It's Lenny Delgado.

Newsflash!

In a daring raid early today,

Delgado Fitzhugh and Garfield Cooper

seized Radio Station Cascara

and urged the people to take to the streets.

- They didn't. - Delgado!

They were Iater arrested and presented no problem.

- Move on! - Hey!

For the finest fresh fish in town get down to Phil's,

for a square deal and a very, very good meal.

(clerk) Prisoners will rise.

Delgado Fitzhugh, Garfield Cooper,

you have been found guilty by this court.

Have you anything to say before I pass sentence?

I don't care, I don't give a damn

British justice is a farce and a sham

I'II not have singing in this court!

If you have something to say, it must be spoken.

The rebel has vowed never to speak until it is in a free Cascara.

Show me no mercy, give me no bail I'm ready and willing to go to jail

Right now.

Delgado, I am not going to send you to jail, for two reasons.

One, I refuse to make a martyr of you,

and two, it is still being redecorated.

I can't get the paint, boss!

(sighs) Six months suspended sentence.

Next case.

Delgado has some rather strange toys in his attic,

but he's right, this island should've been given independence years ago.

No, no, no. The reason for his erratic behaviour

is to punish his father.

- Why should he want to punish you? - For not marrying his mother.

Things were different years ago.

A Presbyterian minister couldn't marry a young island girl.

Especially when he already had a wife in Edinburgh.

Am I never to be forgiven for one moment of weakness?

According to our Iatest census,

you've had at Ieast 14 moments of weakness, Eric.

(judge) Dear Minister, I have still had no response

to my most recent memorandum entitled,

Cascara: A Plan For Economic Aid And Development,

Our situation here has been grave since the banana blight of '79,...

..which reduced production by...?

- 83 percent. - Then the coconut crop failed...

- 74 percent. -..as a result of Hurricane AIice.

What tobacco and sugar cane survived these catastrophes

were subsequently devastated by the eruption of Mount Pestilence.

During this period,

Britain's financial assistance to the island amounted to...?

Zero.

It would seem in the eyes of the British government

that Cascara is the dot above the "i" in the word "shit".

- You can't say that, governor. - Why not?

It's hardly diplomatic Ianguage.

That's precisely my point.

Everything I've said is filed under "Forget it".

It's time to stick a rocket up their arse. I'm sorry, Lucille.

It could cost you your job, governor.

(Dolores screams in Spanish)

Why don't you speak English, you idiot?

My job is a somewhat outdated institution.

Rather Iike my marriage.

This place is perfect!

What about the rig? Hasn't been used since the '50s.

Yeah, well, I'II get a new cali and a rotary table in from the Gulf,

I'II have her running again in a coupla weeks.

Ah, no.

We are not alone.

Hi, guys.

How you doing?

Do you... speak English?

I do. But my comrade will not speak until he can say Cascara is free.

Is that a political posture or a speech impediment?

It's a promise to our people.

Hey, that's terrific.

I'm Rob Wearing. This is Ben Branch. We're with SPENCO.

The ruthless Yankee capitalist.

Of Houston, Texas.

If we were to come back here, on a project,

who would be the person to contact?

Governor Thwaites, the symbol of British oppression.

Sounds Iike our man. Thanks.

Nice talking to you.

Have a nice day.

(Rob) This is very gracious of you, Governor.

Not at all, old sport. We don't get too many visitors here.

Except people whose ships have run aground.

AImost the entire population is descended from shipwreck victims.

Don't underestimate your own contribution, Eric.

- Cheers. - (all) Cheers.

Ah! (speaks Spanish)

May I present my wife, Dolores. This is, er...

- Rob Wearing. - Enchante!

- And, er... - Ben Branch.

(giggles) Howdy!

So, did you come to Iook for oil and sink some pipe?

Oh, no, ma'am. That well is dry.

Oh!

We're here to shoot a television commercial.

Our spokesman is Deke Halliday.

Deke Halliday? The movie star?

The one and only.

That's wonderful.

Ah! Do you have any parts for me?

Oh! Well, you'II have to ask the boss.

Did you know, in my country, before I marry,

I was... in show business!

Do you remember the Great Ernesto and Dolores?

- No! - Yeah!

I was... Dolores!

I'm sure they didn't think you were Ernesto, darling.

(tango music plays on the radio)

At the time, this job was a big promotion for me.

Youngest governor in the Caribbean.

But over the years,

I think my wife has resented the restraints the position imposes.

(music volume increases)

As you can see.

Buenas noches, darling.

Where... Where did you two meet?

On an earlier posting of mine.

I sometimes think she misses the bright Iights of Guatemala City.

Any time you're in Fort Arthur, Texas, now, Dolores, you Iook me up.

We'II split a fifth of Wild Turkey, put Waylon on the jukebox,

- and boogie till we puke! - (both laugh)

Fort Arthur! Whoo!

It sounds wonderful!

You know, he promised me Paris, Washington, Rome.

Instead, he gave me the pits!

(Delgado) Oh, what a night it's gonna be

We'll be making history

Cuban brothers from across the sea

Bring Cascara to liberty

The answer is no.

Fidel says Cuba will shed blood

for revolution of downtrodden peoples anywhere.

But you people are too downtrodden even for Cuba!

That was then but this is now

- We're gonna change your mind,,, - PIease!

Can you just talk to us?

We nearly drowned getting here.

The rebel has made a vow. He will not speak.

OK. As you were singing.

What would you think if you were told

Cascara had a little black gold?

- What?! - Cascara had a little black gold

- Oil?! - SPENCO is back in Cascara.

That is why we ask you here.

This could mean mucho Yankee dollar for us, see?

(both speak Spanish)

(both chatter in Spanish)

- Si, - Chico,

(both chuckle)

If SPENCO strike, you've got yourself a deal.

(Big Ben chimes)

Sorry to drag you away from Iunch, Minister.

Not at all, Malcolm. We don't see enough of each other.

- How's Margaret? - Marjory's quite well.

Splendid woman, your wife.

- And the boys? Still at school? - The girls have Ieft school, sir.

- They're at secretarial college. - Really?

Well, I've enjoyed our chat.

I did want to have a confidential word with you about Cascara.

- Cascara? - Yes.

- Remind me, who does that belong to? - Us.

Us! Yes, of course.

The situation's still as volatile as ever, is it, in...?

- In...? - In the Caribbean, yes.

- Quite. - We've intercepted a CIA report.

Apparently, there's a danger of the Cubans invading Cascara.

- Another Falklands situation. - Wonderful! Maggie'd Iove it.

No, the Falklands cost a fortune.

Once the dust settled, it was hard to justify

the expense of defending British Iives, most of them sheep.

The alternative?

The Yanks will move in Iike they did in Grenada.

- Not again. The Queen was furious. - Yes, quite.

My recommendation is we evacuate now.

The place has been running at a Ioss for years.

Empty, we could make a tidy profit using it as a dump for nuclear waste.

The place is one of the Iast remnants of the British Empire.

I mean, if it's in the Caribbean, surely we could encourage tourism.

- No beach. - No beach?!

Apparently, there's a dreadful wind that blows in all directions at once.

- Makes a hand of bridge difficult. - Impossible, I understand.

- Yes, well,... do as you see fit. - Oh.

So Iong as they don't end up driving our buses!

No. We'II make alternative arrangements for them.

Jolly good. Well, we'II have dinner sometime.

Give my Iove to Marigold and the boys.

Will do, Minister.

He's passing on my recommendations to the Prime Minister.

Oh, super, Sir Malcolm! Congrats!

It's so rare these days that people in power have the courage

- to take tough decisions. - Thank you, Sarah.

You'II have to nip over to the Caribbean to break the sad news.

One of the burdens of high office, my dear.

Tell me, do you have a bikini?

Big news. Her Majesty's representative,

Sir Malcolm P Leveridge,

will be making an official visit here in two days!

Let us all try to put our best faces forward.

That means you, Delgado.

(reggae music)

Show everybody we are all as one

Stand together

All together now

Band together as we sing the song

Work together

Hands together now

Show everybody we are all as one

Tell everybody

Tell everybody

Tell everybody we are all as one

No more sadness, no, no

No more sighing now

Only gladness from now on

Proud are we

Our flag is flying now

Oh, we are trying to be all as one

Tell everybody

Tell everybody

Tell everybody we are all as one

Tell everybody

Tell everybody

Tell everybody we are all as one

Hi. I'm Deke Halliday for SPENCO.

As I see it, we Americans have two choices.

Sure, we can Iet OPEC put the screws on us till our eyes water,

or we can do it the American way.

Get off our butts, stop beefing, go out and find the oil for ourselves.

Ha-ha! That's why me and the guys here are on Cascara.

That's right. Your travel agent won't find it in any brochure.

We're not here on any picnic.

We're here on this forbidding, Godforsaken windswept island

because we need to... Shit! Can't you hold that cue card right?!

- What the hell is going on here? - Cut!

You! The man has a twitch! He has a twitch!

I cannot work under these conditions!

- It wasn't the kid's fault. - Rob, it is never the star's fault.

You're fired.

- I need a drink. - Drink!

Pete, we have to get this before Iunch, OK? So just take it easy.

(splutters) Warm scotch! Is it too much to ask for some ice?

- Deke, we're on an island. - I know we're on an island.

There is no refrigeration.

Cascara is short of amenities. That's why we're here.

Hellholes of the World, That's the campaign, right?

But do we have to go to the hellholes?

Let's go back to Burbank? We can use back-projection.

When I shot Night Train to Rangoon, I never Ieft the Iot.

- And you were terrific in that, too. - Really?

Really.

- I wasn't too bad, was I? - No.

I'm gonna get you all the amenities.

I'II have ice flown in, I'II get you Champagne.

I need a woman.

- OK. - I need a woman. Badly.

And how about some grass? They grow some Iethal weed here.

Make that two women, OK?

(band plays "Rule Britannia" out of tune)

How was that, boss?

- It's... coming. It's coming. - Thank you.

Shouldn't you play something more appropriate, Iike Rule Britannia?

That was Rule Britannia, boss.

Oh, was it?

It needs work, Miguel.

Everybody on the shoot is wearing a hat. It's the Iook!

(man) Camera back.

Would you pay good money to see me Iook Iike this?

You have a point.

People want to see my hair. Half my charm is in my hair.

You have very charming hair.

We're not here to sell shampoo, we're here to sell oil.

Oh, my God! I cannot walk on this!

- It will ruin my best shoes. - I told you to wear boots.

How can I wear boots to meet a movie star? Are you crazy?

- You must carry me. - You can't be serious.

Ah! Where has the magic gone?

Oh, it's magic you want, is it?

Well, when we get home, I'm going to Iay you on the table

and saw you in half. Now, come on.

Oh! You...! (sighs)

(cameraman) OK, ready?

But yellow is such a faggy colour.

Wardrobe!

Get me one of these in plaid.

We're having a state visit tomorrow,

and we were wondering if you and Mr Halliday could attend the Iunch?

Mr Halliday? Where is he? Oh!

Oh, my God. It's true! I don't believe it!

You finally got your ass in gear. Get me a bottle of wine. Quick.

Mr Halliday, for me this is a great pleasure.

Mmm, baby, for the both of us. I hope.

Deke, have you met Mrs Thwaites?

- Later, Wearing. - Ah!

- We'II be in my trailer. - That is the governor's wife!

You mean she's not the hooker?

Baxter, did you hear this?!

I told you not to wear those shoes.

(rumbling)

(man) Hey, Tony, this is gonna blow! Come on!

Jeez! It's a strike!

- Surely it can't be. - She's gonna blow!

(cheering)

- (Governor Thwaites) What is it? - (man) Well, it sure ain't oil!

(Deke) My hair's all wet.

Christ sakes! I gave up The Love Boat for this shit!

You stink!

And so do your Iousy movies!

Can you believe it? Our first blow-out in six months

and it's gotta be water!

It is not Iike regular water.

It's got a kind of a natural effervescence.

You're right. With a kind of tangy, Iemony flavour.

Er...

I want this site sealed off, I want a fence put up

and signed affidavits from all personnel

that if they breathe a word, we'II have their ass.

Why?

Because we've struck fucking Perrier! (chuckles)

Tell everybody

Tell everybody

Tell everybody

- We are all as one - Come on, now

Tell everybody

Tell everybody

Oh, my God!

Paper napkins for an estate dinner?! Are you crazy?!

AIright, I'II change them.

You smell Iike mothballs.

And you smell Iike tequila, dearest.

I'm more concerned with why you've changed the place settings.

I wish to sit next to Sir Malcolm.

But that means that Eric will sit next to our beauty queen.

How can we maintain the dignity of the occasion

while our spiritual Ieader tries to get his hand up Miss Cascara's skirt?

Oh! So, you Iike it better he put his hand up my skirt, huh?

At Ieast you're used to it. You won't scream.

Oh, and, Nado?

Yes, ma'am?

I said the Iinen tablecloth!

I must say, Sir Malcolm, the coast does Iook frightfully dangerous.

Throughout its history,

Cascara has only ever been a navigational hazard.

I only wish my first trip to the Caribbean

had been somewhere more romantic.

Once my painful duty is behind me,

I thought I'd show you the delights of St Lucia for a couple of days.

- Super. - (chuckles)

(band plays out of tune)

(car horn beeps)

- Good morning. - Good morning, Eric.

Splendid, Baxter. Splendid.

I always feel as if I'm wearing a Iive chicken on my head.

- Good morning, Martha. - Good morning, Governor.

- Good morning, children. - (all) Good morning, Governor.

(band plays "Rule Britannia")

("Rule Britannia" plays distantly)

(band plays "The Radetzky March")

Five minutes.

Welcome to Cascara, Sir Malcolm.

Sorry about the tone of my Iast memo, but it's nice it's brought results.

What memo was this?

- You didn't see it? - No, but you saw mine.

I wanted a quiet word in your ear and you've Iaid on a bloody carnival.

The people are rather excited, sir.

This is their first official visit since 1898.

Sir, may I present the first Iady of Cascara,

- my wife, Dolores? - How do you do?

- I'm so pleased to meet you. - Yes. Quite.

(band plays "God Save The Queen")

("God Save The Queen" ends)

(band resumes)

- What's this now? - It's the Cascaran national anthem.

(crowd sings)

- What are you all doing? - The breaststroke, sir.

You see, these people are all descended from shipwreck victims.

- This presumably is the backstroke? - Yes, sir.

It's symbolic of the different strokes that brought people here.

(band ceases)

- Yes? - Yes.

(crowd cheers)

I think perhaps we should stand, sir.

- Care to address the nation, sir? - Certainly not. Drive on.

Go straight to government house, driver.

(Sir Malcolm) No, back to the boat. Turn right here!

(car horn beeps)

But we've arranged Iunch. After that, there's a cricket match,

and then we have to discuss Cascara's future.

The point of my visit, Thwaites,

is to inform you that Cascara has no future.

What?

You can't close down an island Iike a bankrupt business.

Are you going to offer these people independence?

Certainly not! We'II relocate them on one of our other islands, St Michael.

We're putting in an airstrip, hotels and a nine-hole golf course.

So we'II be needing Iabourers and a Iot of waiters.

What're you offering as compensation? A bag of seed and a mud hut?!

Oh! I'm not sure we'II go that far.

Citizens, friends,

I don't quite know how to tell you this,

but I have grave news.

The British Government has apparently decreed that this proud nation

is surplus to requirements.

They want to evacuate the island.

They want all of you to pack your possessions, Ieave your homes,

and go to another island.

Apparently, they have jobs for you there,

but you have to Ieave in three weeks.

I'm prepared to fight this, Pepito, but will the people back me up?

I'm not sure, Governor.

Going away will give them jobs. Staying won't.

They should be taking to the hills with Delgado. This is their home.

People have Ieft more beautiful islands

- to go and Iive in the Bronx. - Aye. The grass is always greener.

They'II find it a Iot more expensive.

I've no desire for pastures new.

I have avoided the real world for 31 years,

and I'm totally unprepared to return to it now.

I am leaving

On a jet plane

Don't know when I'll be back again

Oh, baby, I love to go

Do you know, mi amor, when we get to England,

maybe the Queen, she gives you reward.

(gasps) She make you Lord Thwaites!

Ah! Lord and Lady Thwaites of London!

(squeals) Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

Then we go to discos! Parties!

Ah! Harrods! Vidal Sassoon! Oh!

It will be wonderful!

Mmm!

I'm leaving on a jet plane

Don't know when I'll be back again

Dolores is taking it awfully well.

(Rob) What's the story?

Speak to me, Den. How much water are we dealing with?

Well, we got over 2,000Ibs of pressure so, if I had to guestimate,

I'd say between one and two billion barrels a year.

A billion! That's as big as our offshore oil field in Baja.

This is it. I'm flying to Houston to see Spender.

This is a seat on the board.

This is profit sharing. This is stock options.

This is Sunday barbecues at his ranch!

(reggae music)

- Can I take this? - Yes.

Mmm. Mmm.

Tennis ball? You offer me tennis ball for this? It's Balenciaga! You crazy?

Confidential files, accounts, office machinery.

- What's in this trunk? - Mrs Thwaites' shoes, Governor.

I'm not taking those through customs. Put it on a banana boat.

Hi. My name's Pamela Wynthrop and I'm Iooking for the governor.

But before I meet him, I don't know how to address him.

What do I say? Your Excellency, or sir, or what?

You know how tight-ass the British can be.

Yes. Erm... why do you wish to see him, Miss?

Oh, I'm an environmental... activist,

and as soon as I heard the island was being evacuated,

well, I flew straight down.

I wanna save the bat.

I am referring to the Iong-eared horseshoe bat.

This island is their natural habitat

and now that man is Ieaving, well, the bats may once again flourish.

(goat bleats)

Oh, dear. That goat's chewing one of my wife's dresses.

Erm... I'II take care of it, Governor.

Governor? (gasps) I thought you were the moving men!

Baxter Thwaites. I am that tight-arse.

Oh, Pamela, you've done it again!

The days of British rule are just about to expire,

so we don't stand on ceremony here.

I can see that you're busy packing, so I'II just come back Iater.

Where does one stay on Cascara?

The best we can offer is Aunt Matilda's Guesthouse and Domino CIub.

Hmm. Does it have air-conditioning?

I don't think it even has water.

I think you should stay here,

as the Iast official guest of the British Government.

Well, I'd be privileged, Governor.

- Sir. - Baxter.

We struck this stuff in the '50s. That's why we pulled out of Cascara.

In the '50s, Mr Spender, we didn't realise its commercial potential.

In the '50s, nobody drank designer water.

The water has one unique quality

which separates it from other proprietary brands.

According to our Iab report, it has an element

which makes it cathartic.

What is that in English?

It helps you shit Iike clockwork, sir.

You're asking me to market a Iaxative?!

This could be a marketing plus, sir.

A situation has evolved in the '80s

where the combined effect of junk food and urban stress

has er... clogged up the bowels of America.

- (thud) - I'm an oil man!

SPENCO bestrides the world Iike a colossus,

with a barrel of crude under each arm.

Not Iike some Iimp-wristed faggot with a glass of mineral water!

Sir, this is our top-grade motor oil, retailing at one dollar and 20 cents.

The equivalent amount of imported mineral water sells for twice that.

And you don't have to refine water.

AII you have to do is stick it in a fancy bottle

and slap a pretty Iabel on it.

I estimate that we could make a clear profit of,

Iet's say, 600-700 percent.

Gentlemen,...

..we're in the water business.

This is the Atlantic side of the island.

Not the most hospitable of places.

Down there is Desolation Bay

and over here is Point Peril.

I Iove it.

The solitude reminds me of Nova Scotia.

- What were you doing there? - Saving the seals.

I wasn't there for very Iong, though. After two hours of protesting,

they had to fly me to a hospital in Halifax.

- Frostbite? - No.

A hunter clubbed me on the head and a mother seal bit me on the ass.

(chuckles) It seems that neither side appreciated your intentions.

That's what Howard used to say. Howard Wynthrop, my ex-husband.

Another one of my Iost causes, I'm afraid.

We met defending the rights of the migrant grape pickers.

Then his values changed and he went into cable television.

Howard's Ioss is the bats' gain.

What the hell is SPENCO doing on the island?!

Oh, they're just using the old oil rig to make a commercial.

Why do they have barbed wire round the compound

- and guards with baseball bats? - What?

Good Lord, you're right.

Now what the devil are they up to?

Hey, Pepito.

The governor wants to see you, Mr Wearing.

Come on, we know each other!

Look, I gotta get out to the site right away.

He insists.

What you overlooked, Rob, before you scurried off to Texas,

was that SPENCO's drilling rights expired in, when was it, Pepito?

October 17th, 1976.

Until you've negotiated an extension,

- your case isn't very watertight. - (both chuckle)

And, I think you'II agree, old sport, that we have you over a barrel.

- Two billion barrels, to be exact. - (both chuckle)

My career is in the crapper.

Not necessarily. Maybe we could do a deal.

- A deal? - Yes.

You want to keep your job and I want jobs for them.

Then they won't have to Ieave.

Cheap Iabour, right here on the spot! No unions! Boy, can we make a deal!

You are not going to use them, Mr Wearing.

They will get realistic wages and social and health benefits.

It's only fair. After all, we're talking about human beings here.

Some profit will go back into things this island needs.

- Like a school and a hospital. - And I'II throw in an arcade.

Now, how do we fix the drilling rights?

Hopefully, with one phone call.

I don't want to be impertinent, Sir Mal,

but aren't we rather overextending our trip?

Not that I'm not having a super time...

Sarah, my dear, they don't expect us back

until the evacuation of Cascara is complete.

- You typed the memo, remember? - Oh, gosh, so I did.

(phone rings)

Hello!

Yes.

Who? Thwaites, what is it? I'm under savage pressure here!

A Iittle Iower, sweetie.

What? The Yanks...

The Yanks have found what?

Water?

Of course you have my authority to extend their drilling rights.

Look, London takes the view that everything on that island

is for sale or Iease. AIright?

See if you can get a good price for the volcano while you're at it.

(chuckles) That was really rather good.

- Is there a hiccup? - No, no, no.

Nothing for you to worry your pretty Iittle head about.

Right. Why don't you run along

and make us both one of those drinks with an umbrella in it?

And then perhaps you could slip into that costume, hey?

The nurse or the naughty schoolgirl?

Oh,... I think the Iatter.

Hang on! Sarah! Don't forget the knee socks.

- To Cascara. - (Both) To Cascara.

Baxter, I was walking along Cape Despair and I saw my first bat!

Hello, Pamela.

What are you doing here, asshole?

- Have you two met? - We've crossed swords, yes.

I think the Iast time was when you picketed

our toxic waste dump in West Virginia.

Thanks to me, fish may once again swim in the Ohio River.

Thanks to SPENCO, the island's saved. They've given us an industry.

- What? - Water.

- SPENCO? - SPENCO.

Then I'm going to fight you, Baxter. I'm packing my things.

Pamela? Pamela, what's the problem?

You're in Ieague with the devil.

I've been fighting their president since I was three years old.

Why? What did he do? Manufacture defective teddy bears?

Franklyn Spender manufactured defective families.

Franklyn Spender is my father!

(radio) Water, water

Ladies and gentlemen of Cascara,

it gives me great pleasure to present our governor.

Friends, I have great news.

Fortune has smiled upon us.

(tannoy) SPENCO, an equal opportunity employer,

has jobs for all able-bodied men and women right here on the island,

Top wages in US dollars,

bonus incentive, Medicare and pension plan,

Sign up tomorrow at the Vasco Da Gama Recreation Centre,

Recruitment begins at nine am,

Whoo!

Bas... Bastard!

Bastard!

Tell me you kid me.

Tell me you make joke.

You say we no Ieave this place?!

Very funny!

The situation has changed Dolores. We have to stay.

Oh, no! Oh, I don't believe this! I don't believe this!

- Once again, you Iie to me! - What do you mean once again?

You Iied to me when I was a girl in Guatemala!

(tannoy) You were never a girl!

(Dolores) I was innocent!

You put a spell on me.

You tell me I'd be wife of diplomat!

I'd give cocktail parties,

I Iunch. Jeeps!

You Iie! You Iie!

- You lie! - Let's face it, Dolores,

you never fitted into diplomatic life,

(Dolores laughs)

You say I have embarrassed you? You are ashamed by me?

I am just saying that things might've turned out differently

if you hadn't danced the cucaracha topless

at the reception for the Duke of Edinburgh!

He Ioved it!

(Baxter on tannoy) So much we were sent to Cascara!

OK, OK, OK, OK!

Adios, Baxter!

Adios! Dondequiera. I go now.

I go forever! I kill myself!

(all laugh)

Join the Iine and sign up today.

SPENCO has jobs for everyone.

The first 300 applicants will receive a bonus.

Choose between a juicer, a toaster or a blender.

SPENCO and Cascara united for a great tomorrow!

Congratulations, Mr Wearing.

This will be the salvation of our island.

SPENCO is all heart, Rev.

(radio feedback)

- Cascara! - (guitar plays)

I feel shame

I feel sad

See how people act so bad

Right now

Way to go, rebels! Listen to them! They're your boys!

Hear me shout

Hear me holler

You sell your soul for a Yankee dollar

- Who the hell is that?! - That is my son, my son.

You're his father, Father?

A moment of weakness many years ago.

I was driven to sin by solitude and the wind.

Can't you shut that bastard up?

Under British Iaw singing badly is not a crime.

$100 cash to the first man who nails them!

(all yell)

See my people run to me

- All they want is liberty - (gunshots)

AII they want is our backsides, man.

(people yell)

(both groan)

Don't make me do this.

Give me your word you won't create a public nuisance and you're free.

The Rebel says we would rather stay here forever.

Very well, then, have it your own way. You can finish the painting.

If those boys are Iocked up, I should be, too.

- Yeah! - Yeah.

We don't have women's facilities.

How typically sexist.

I've a good mind to deport you as an undesirable alien.

(snorts)

AIright, we're contacting Amnesty International and the media.

Soon everybody's gonna know your name and will be singing your music.

- His Iyrics don't rhyme. - The truth rarely does.

(Rob) Our recruiting went off without a hitch,

and I killed them on the deal,

Rob, research shows that this could be bigger than frozen yoghurt,

so I want that bottling plant operational ASAP!

I hear you, sir,

Oh, Rob, don't take any of that manana crap.

Do what we did to Aunt Naruba. Spike their coffee with amphetamines.

Oh, yeah, that one. Oh, and this bottle.

- (glass shatters) - Oh, Jesus Christ!

(Margaret Thatcher) I can assure the house...

(speaks louder) I can assure the house

that the terms due to our government

in exchange for Cascaran mining rights

are both realistic and generous.

(hubbub)

You will recall, Prime Minister,

that, due to the underhand methods of the Americans,

we were, at the time, unaware of their discovery.

- Quite. - And this is, perhaps, reflected

in the somewhat disappointing revenue which we anticipate.

How much?

(stutters) One cent for every hundred barrels.

I take it you're asking for my resignation, Prime Minister?

It's a Iittle Iate for that.

I have been informed, not of course by you,

that there is a subversive element on Cascara,

one Delgado Fitzhugh.

- Just one person, Prime Minister. - There was only one Ghandi once.

One anorexic, Iittle Ioony in a Ioin cloth

and we Iost a whole subcontinent.

What Cascara needs is a revolution.

The first act of the new republic

will be to nationalise all Iocal industries.

In other words, Yankee go home.

(stutters) I don't quite see how that helps us.

Of course you don't.

Then, Iet me make this absolutely clear!

You will return to Cascara and secretly finance their revolution

in exchange for a promissory contract

guaranteeing us the bloody bottling rights!

Wait!

Wait for me, please. Take me with you.

PIease don't go without me.

Wait!

Take me with you, please. Oh!

(yells in Spanish)

Who on earth is that hysterical female?

My wife. She's a Iittle overwrought.

Sonofabitch, come back!

- (Dolores groans) - It's the strain of recent events.

That sort of thing doesn't do in front of the natives.

- Here we are, Sir Malcolm. - Thank you.

No, please, don't get up.

- Why aren't they under Iock and key? - It's their recreation hour, boss.

Quite right, too. Can't cage men up Iike animals.

How are they treating you, then, Delgado?

Got everything you need, toothpaste, tobacco?

Oh, I see we're teaching you a trade.

AII part of the rehabilitation programme.

Sir Malcolm, this is Delgado Fitzhugh.

Absolutely. Of course it is. Jolly good.

How's the food, Delgado? Looks jolly nourishing to me.

- What's this made from? - Betel bark, sir.

A Iocal crop from which the people make soup or rope,

depending on their needs.

- Splendid. - Would you Iike a bowl of it?

- Thank you, no. - Rum?

I'd Iike a word with these two gentlemen alone.

Would you and the constable make yourselves scarce?

Thank you. (chuckles)

(Delgado) No, no, no!

- 1,000 times, definitely no! - (guitar plays)

- (strums guitar furiously) - Shh!

Can't believe I'm standing in the jailhouse

Can't believe my ears is hearing what you say

God's sake, man!

There's no need to broadcast this all over the island.

This is a highly secret discussion, not The Pirates Of Penzance,

Look, Iet me...

Let me spell it out for you. In exchange for independence,

all we ask is a 50-50 interest in the water. Right?

You can be president, generalissimo, witch doctor, whatever.

You name the costumes, we'II provide the hats.

- Vice president? - Absolutely, old chap. Yes.

Next royal christening, you can pop over on a state visit.

Front pew in the Abbey, tickets for Wimbledon.

- (plays guitar) - You offer me 50-50

You expect me to say yes

Well, I'm a man of integrity

- (guitar stops) - 60-40, no less

Done.

This deal has the sanction of the British government?!

Perfectly orthodox ploy. Bowing to public opinion,

we will be forced to release the Rebel from jail.

He'II take to the hills then we can propagate the Iegend.

- T-shirts, posters. - This is beneath contempt.

Deciding the fate of a nation without any regard for its culture!

You call rope soup a culture?!

(stutters) Who is it?

I warn you, I'm armed!

- Shh! - Mrs Thwaites, what are you doing?

Shh!

- Your Lordship. - Pardon? Oh, no, I'm not a peer.

Not yet. PIain Sir Malcolm will suffice.

- Sir Malcolm. - Yes?

- I would rather die than stay here. - Hmm?

PIease, when you Ieave, you take me with you!

I can do many things.

I can cook. I can sew.

I am still young. My body is firm. Look!

Pull yourself together, Mrs Thwaites!

- Really! - (sobs)

I am... (speaks Spanish / sobs)

No, no, it's the heat, woman.

I saw this happen in Zimbabwe to Cartwright's wife.

No, no, no. Cold bath's the answer.

- (sobs) - There, there, there, Please,

Psst!

(whispers) Hey, Delgado.

Delgado!

(groans)

Over here. Hey, comrade. (speaks Spanish)

Cuba says, "Cascara, si!"

PIastic explosives. I set timer for five minutes.

Take cover, comrade.

Shit!

- (clattering) - Shit!

- What is it? - We're breaking out of here, man!

You spoke.

- No, that was just a whisper. - You broke your vow.

I couldn't find anything to rhyme with bomb!

- Bomb? Whose bomb? - The Cubans, man!

- We made a deal with the British. - The Cubans got here first.

The Cubans will never give us tickets for Wimbledon.

- (drum clatters) - (screams)

I know how to handle you. I Iived three years in New York.

- (sniffs) - It's sweet, man.

Oh, my God, it's my perfume.

- One word and you die. - Who are you?

- That's three words. - We're comrades of the Rebel.

Oh! Delgado is a friend of mine.

I'm Pamela Wynthrop. Nice to see you.

- Que? - Oh, I house-sit for him.

- What you do here? - I'm taking him a home-cooked meal.

Can you imagine what the food tastes Iike in there?

- What are you doing here? - Jailbreak.

Bang! Then we move into the hills.

Can I come with you? Do I have time to pack a bag?

- Hey. - Shake your ass.

It's Baxter!

The bomb go off in two minutes.

But he'II be killed!

Then he will be the first victim of the revolution.

Miguel. Miguel!

Nice to see security's as tight as ever.

Are you two digging a tunnel or committing an unnatural act?

(Garfield) Go away, Governor.

Not until I've had a word with your Ieader.

I'm disgusted with you, Delgado. No wonder you daren't show your face.

- (Delgado) Get out of here! - Oh, you're speaking now.

I'm not surprised. You sold out your other principals.

Whatever our differences, I've always thought

that you and I cared the most about Cascara.

- I beg you on my hands and knees! - I've brought jobs and security.

AII you're going to bring is chaos, violence.

- (yells) - Ow!

(gasps) What was that?

Que, mi amor?

How Iong has that volcano of yours been dormant?

- As Iong as me! - Oh.

- But maybe... - (chuckles)

-..you have awakened us both. - (chuckles)

(barking)

- Baxter, are you alright? - Oh, hello, Pamela.

Shall I kill him?

- He's more use to us as a hostage. - Move it! (shouts in Spanish)

This is great, eh, Baxter? PIastic explosives, jailbreaks,

a band of desperados forging their way through the bush.

I suppose I should thank you for saving my Iife.

Call me a sentimental old fool.

We did play in the same cricket team once.

Hey, silencio, don't speak to the prisoner.

OK, pal. OK.

This is Ken Warden reporting to you

from the hitherto sleepy island of Cascara,

where Iate Iast night the man they call the Singing Rebel

made a daring escape from this jail.

Right, pay attention. I want sandbags around the house,

every window boarded up, and the roof fortified.

We're dealing with terrorists. This house could be their next target.

Right, off you go. What's this, you grubby child?

- I want dollar! - How about a clip around the ear?

Go on, bugger off!

- Good Lord! - What is it?

It's a ransom note from the rebels.

They're holding Thwaites and some woman called Wynthrop.

BIah, blah, blah. Kill the hostages unless their demands are met!

- Kill? - Yes.

Come on, don't stand around gawking. Come on! Let's be having you.

For years I agonised over the burning issues of the day.

Social injustice, the plight of the Third World,

the uneven distribution of wealth.

Then one day I realised I was doing all of my agonising

over Iunch at the Russian Tea Room.

So I said to myself, "Pamela, it's time you got involved."

Is this involved enough for you?

I mean, that's why I had so many causes and crusades.

My analyst said it's a need to feel as if I'm playing

a meaningful role in Iife. It's the guilt, too.

It's not easy being the seventh wealthiest heiress in the world.

Pamela, can you move your Ieft hand at all?

A Iittle. Why?

Reach in my pocket. There's a Iighter there.

We could burn through the ropes.

My one consolation is thinking about the Iook on my father's face

when he finds out I'm a hostage.

- Pamela... - He may not even take the call.

Pamela, if you can reach the Iighter, he won't even get the call.

- You mean escape? - Yes!

Can you move this way a Iittle?

- Is that it? - No.

That's not it.

Oh, Baxter, I'm sorry.

PIease don't apologise, but maybe we should find the Iighter first.

- (laughs) Perfecto! - Hey, what it is?

Tell me the three vital elements we Iearn at Moscow University

for creating insurgency in undeveloped countries.

TIT!

Ah! Si, T-I-T.

Terror, infiltration and television.

Si,

American television. Just think, Garfield,

"Singing Rebel strikes. Film at 11:00."

- Singing Rebels. - Of course.

Coast to coast.

Sir Malcolm Leveridge, as spokesman for the British government,

do you feel the jailbreak and the taking of the hostages

indicates a growing measure of support

for the Cascaran Liberation Movement?

There is no movement.

The only support the Rebel has is a bongo player.

No, this is simply a Iocalised incident,

which you people, typically, are blowing up out of all proportion.

No, under British rule, this island has always been and always will be

a model of stability, common sense and tranquillity.

(all cheer)

- Hey! Viva la revolucion! - Whoo!

(woman) Ken, get the burning building in the background.

(man) Come on, Ken, come on.

The Caribbean,

once known for its blue seas and sunny beaches,

and now more noted as a hotbed of political turmoil,

today gave us a new name to add to its catalogue of trouble spots.

This is Ken Warden from Cascara, island in ferment!

Wearing, we're about to Iaunch a multi-million dollar campaign.

I'm not about to Iet some half-baked bunch

of Commie revolutionaries foul it up.

You've got some good ol' boys who must be itching to kick some ass.

Turn 'em Ioose.

Sir, that might jeopardise the Iives of the hostages.

- Screw the hostages! - That would be the preferred option,

but one of them is your daughter, Pamela.

We were never that close.

Baxter, there's four of them and they're armed.

Yes, I know, but we're going to make you the diversion.

- Diversion? - Yes, Iie down against that tree.

- Lie down? - Yes.

We want it to Iook as though I broke free and attacked you.

Why would you do that?

The heat might have inflamed my senses.

After all, you are a very attractive woman.

Sit down. Lie down.

How would I Iook if I'd been ravaged?

- May I? - Yeah.

- Your hair would be all ruffled. - OK.

These would be gone and the necklace. This would be gone.

And I think you would've done this.

- And maybe this. Yeah? - Would I?

Sure, I mean, you would've been surprised

by the intensity of your passion,

overcome by an insatiable hunger and Iust.

You once called me an undesirable alien.

I Iied.

- (Pamela) Oh! - Argh! Oh!

(he speaks Spanish)

(all speak Spanish)

AIright, Iet's have no martyrs for the revolution.

Drop your guns and put your hands behind your heads.

Now, follow the river. Keep the volcano on your Ieft.

With a bit of Iuck, you'II reach Calamity Cove by nightfall.

If your boat is still there, you can set sail for Havana.

And face Fidel after this fiasco?

We make for Miami. I have a cousin there.

Ah, si, Pachoco,

We go underground and spread sedition.

No, we deal coke,

Iike AI Pacino in Scarface,

Another fine mess you got me into.

- (Garfield) Can we go with them? - (Delgado) No, we go to jail.

For real, this time.

Bread and water, solitary. I shall probably write my memoirs.

Delgado Fitzhugh, The Years Of Struggle,

- The struggle isn't over. - Whose side are you on, man?

Cascara's.

This is my home.

If we don't move fast, we'II Iose it, either to the Cubans or the Brits

or the next bunch that want their grubby paws on it.

We are the only ones who can stop them.

We're with you all the way. Aren't we, gentlemen?

But there's only four of us and she's a woman.

I can't believe I'm hearing this in the '80s.

- At Ieast the Cubans had a plan. - What was it?

We don't know. They never told us.

I have a plan. Are you with me?

Between ourselves,

London's delighted to have guerrillas creating havoc in the hills.

And they think I engineered the whole thing.

So I'm smelling of roses. (chuckles)

Of course, I do realise that this is a time

of great emotional stress for you with your husband captive.

But, you know, my Iife too could be in danger.

- Yeah. - Maybe I should go someplace.

- Like the Riviera. - I'd rather you didn't.

It'd Iook better if you stay for the press.

Loyal Iittle wife bravely choking back a tear,

quivering upper Iip.

- I suppose I must do my duty. - That's the spirit.

Why don't you slip into that nun's habit again?

(both chuckle)

Go on, off you go.

Here in Cascara, the man they call the Singing Rebel

is still at Iiberty.

In this remote and inhospitable terrain,

he could be in one of a thousand places.

Somewhere out there there's...

Why have you guys got your hands in the air?

I mean, are we still rolling or what?

Your search is over, Ken.

Hey, you're Ken Warden!

Hey, everybody, it's Ken Warden! Open up for Mr Warden.

How you doing, Ken? You gonna do a piece on us?

You got it, buddy.

Do I have time to trim the old fungus?

Hey, it's Ken Warden!

All you sons of imperiality

Never mind that, Delgado. Tell them we're ready to die for the cause.

- We're ready to die for the cause. - Yeah, right now.

If anybody moves, we'II blow up... BIow up...

BIow up... the well.

Do as he says. Back off.

(cheering)

(commentator) Great kick, He's down to the 30-yard line,

Sanderson gets,,,

(all yell)

They ain't blocking, tackling. They ain't doing a goddamn thing.

- It's your daughter calling. - Ah, shit!

This had better be good. We're deep in the fourth quarter and trailing.

I'm sorry if I caught you at a bad moment.

Know what your problem is?

You never Iearned to accept being rich.

AII you ever did was try to screw it up for the rest of us.

Look where it's got you.

You're probably being raped and tortured by a bunch of bandits

when all that's mine could've been yours.

Part of it is mine now, Daddy.

(men shout)

- What's happening? - Interception.

(all yell)

You were saying, Pamela?

I said I have your water, Daddy.

If you don't call your friends in important places,

I'II blow it all to hell!

Mr President, American business is at stake. I recommend we move in now.

Here's an opportunity to show Castro in his own back yard.

We send in the marines, Iike we did in Grenada.

Seems to be unanimous, Mr President.

Shall I wake him?

Stop!

Four minutes and 16 seconds.

They rendezvous at the yacht, back in Martinique before dawn.

I congratulate you, Kessler. You have done well.

Hand-picked mercenaries, madam, the scum of the earth!

- Let me talk to them. - (yells in German)

Gentlemen, I can now reveal the purpose of your mission.

French mineral water is the finest in the world.

But it is threatened by the upstarts of Cascara.

You will destroy their well.

It is a dangerous mission and some of you will die.

But remember, in a world gone mad, you will die for the principle

that you all hold close to your hearts. Money!

(all) Vive le franc! Vive le Deutschmark!

Vive le dollar!

Vive the numbered bank account in Switzerland!

The British people will never bow to the tactics of terrorism.

The Special Air Service has already been dispatched,

willing to demonstrate once again

the gratuitous violence and mayhem for which they are so rightly famous.

- Do it, do it - Oh

- Do it - Oh

- Do it, do it - Oh

Do it

Looking through the morning dew

A smoking mountain's nothing new

(tannoy) Hi, guys in 82nd Airborne,

Moscow Radio has just described your presence here

as an act of provocation, detrimental to world peace,

Hey, man, don't kick down our doors cos you won't find anybody,

They're all down at the well. Why don't you head on down there?

They got pretty girls, dancing,

the T-Bone Jefferson Steel Band and barbecued goat.

We'd Iove to see your face at the place.

- (calypso music plays) - (reporter speaks French)

(reporter speaks Japanese)

Renegade governor, Baxter Thwaites, has called for a confrontation

with British authorities to issue his demands.

As you can see by the carnival atmosphere here,

this is not the isolated act of some fanatical minority

but a movement that has caught the hearts and minds of the people.

Once again American soldiers have set foot on foreign soil

in a Iand which until Iast week they had never heard of.

Many of them are searching their hearts and asking, "Why are we here?"

Why are we here, Major?

Because we're a fucking peace-keeping corps,

which means we can't squeeze a trigger until those wise-ass,

pinko, media personnel have shipped out of here.

Major "Mad-Dog" Hollister, isn't it?

Sandy "Take-No-Prisoners" Charlesworth, SAS.

We'II have to move these civilians.

Can't see the target for the Iimbo dancers.

- Those are innocent bystanders. - There's no such thing.

They're all hand in glove with the gooks!

We are not in Vietnam now, Major. Those chaps carry British passports.

If any of them have to die, it'II be by a British bullet.

(all cheer)

PIease give me a Iittle room? Thank you.

Go ahead. Do your best.

Delgado!

Delgado, your mother and I are both here.

Oh, no! I can't handle this.

On television, too!

It's emotional blackmail, Delgado. Don't go for it.

We're both appealing to you. Lay down your arms.

It's too Iate for that, Eric.

Thwaites, I don't know what you're hoping to achieve,

but before you do anything rash,

I'd Iike to remind you of your duties to the Crown.

And, of course, your responsibilities

to Dolores, your distraught wife of 14 years.

I know my responsibilities.

Let him through, Garfield.

- (people chatter) - Will you people get out of the way?

I have nothing to say. Thank you very much, no.

Don't worry, sir, I have a sniper positioned.

Nod and he'II shoot the bastard's pecker off.

Thank you, Major, but I'm sure diplomacy will prevail. Excuse me.

What do you Iook Iike, Thwaites?

You haven't shaved. You smell Iike a rancid goat.

You've thrown in your Iot with a bunch of guerrillas.

You've become the Patty Hearst of the British Diplomatic Corps.

I'm helping to ferment revolution. Wasn't that the British plan?

I see. You have rather exceeded your brief.

So, my deal with Delgado still holds, yes?

AII deals are off.

You and the Americans have to agree

to Iet the Rebel appear before the United Nations

and put the case for Cascaran independence.

You can't do this. Think of England. Think of your duty. Think of me!

Have you told him about us, Malcolm?

(all chatter)

It is true, Baxter.

We were without the power to resist.

I want a divorce!

(all cheer)

Oh, shut up!

Because I want to marry Sir Malcolm.

- (crowd cheers) - Shut that woman up, Major.

Where's your bloody sniper, man?

Congratulations, sir. I hope you'II both be very happy. (laughs)

The United States supports the motion

proposed by the Soviet Union that the Cascaran Liberation Front

be allowed to address the assembly.

Focus of attention

- Everybody knows your name - AIright, boys.

Remember, don't come on too strong to begin with.

I want you to build. And the eyes, remember the eyes.

The fire, the passion, the feeling, it's all in the eyes.

- Good Iuck, chaps. - (man) Bring us independence.

Bring me a Yankee baseball jacket!

Focus of attention

Delgado, you've got a great ass. Move it!

Know how it feels on the breadline

Now you're the one that's making headlines

- Whoo - Focus of attention

- Breadline, goldmine - Focus of attention

Breadline, shoeshine

Pay attention. Two of us will mine the rig.

The explosions will be your signal to blow the cliff face.

When they Iisten to the Rebel's broadcast,

that is the time we strike.

Meantime, we eat.

Pierre, break out the emergency rations.

The emergency special is carre d'agneau with beans. French, of course.

Followed by green salad and cheese and fraises des bois,

To accompany this, we have a robust, young sensimilla,

which will refresh even the most cynical palate.

30 seconds.

When the Rebel comes in, I need reactions.

Get me France. Get me England. Get me the US. Get me Russia.

Who's that? Sweden! Forget Sweden. They wouldn't react if the roof fell.

20 seconds.

Honourable ambassadors, please welcome the delegates

for the Cascara Liberation Front.

OK, everybody, stay sharp. This is big.

This is bigger than the moon walk. The world is watching this.

We're talking Emmys here.

Pan Ieft. Hold it there.

Take one.

Out of Africa and Europe

Across many oceans

We came to Cascara

And the stars and the fates

- Is this dull? - This is dull.

Unless that guitar turns out to be a machine gun, we're in trouble.

And brother to brother

Sister to sister As one people we stand

If independence depends on this song, give the island back to the bats.

- It gets better. - How do you know?

I have some friends in the music business and I made a few calls.

Today

(drum beats / guitars play)

That's Ringo Who's-This!

And George What's-This!

Who's-This and What's-This together again.

Isn't that Eric CIapton?

My God, it's the concert for Cascara!

You've invaded our homes

And our privacy

Taking everything except the sun and the sea

We've come here to ask you

Most humbly

Please won't you grant us our liberty

We want our freedom

Whoa, whoa

Give us our freedom

Whoa, whoa

We want our freedom

Whoa, whoa

Give us our freedom

Whoa, whoa

We are very poor people

Easily led

Have to scratch with our hands now

To keep our babies fed

You bring in your soldiers

Put a gun at our head

The way things are going

We'd be better off dead

We want our freedom

Whoa, whoa

Give us our freedom

Whoa, whoa

We want our freedom

Whoa, whoa

(music plays over tannoy)

We want to live as we please

With strength and with pride

Make our own decisions

With no help from outside

Please let us be

Leave us alone

We need to be free

- You've tipped the scales, Pamela. - It's only the beginning.

Whoa, whoa

Give us our freedom

Set the fuses for two minutes. (speaks French)

I'm going to diffuse these charges. Nobody's going to fight us now.

My father will. He'II do anything he can to get even.

Pamela, I sometimes wonder if you do what you do for humanity

or simply to get back at dad.

Give us tomorrow

And a future that's free

We want our freedom

Whoa, whoa

Give us our freedom

We are all different colours

Who stand here and sing

But the same hearts are beating

Under the skin

Our hearts are all hoping

That you'll turn the tide

(music continues over tannoy) Give us this joy of national pride

Give us our freedom

(metal clangs)

Whoa!

Who are you? Why are you here?

For the bloodshed and the money!

We are the dogs of war!

Who's paying you? It's the bloody French, isn't it?

I can smell the garlic. (groans)

We want our freedom

Whoa, whoa

Give us our freedom

(cheering / applause)

I have been trying to get back at Dad but I have a good reason for it.

Dad's a prick!

- The bombs go off in 20 seconds! - What bomb?

Where's the other one? Get the bomb.

Is this the bomb?

(screaming)

(both cough)

The water is destroyed. My mission is accomplished.

If you have need of an army, here is my card.

Thank you.

(Pamela) It's time to go home, Baxter.

(Eric) Face the facts, man. The water's gone.

(Baxter) When they activated this drill,

they struck an underground well they didn't know was there.

The explosion may have caused some geological shift or fracture.

There could be oceans of it still down there.

You've been telling us that for a week.

It could take a week. It could take a year.

It's not going to happen, Baxter.

They're only giving us independence because we have nothing of value.

At Ieast everything we don't have is ours.

We've been offered a record deal.

I hardly think your royalties will pay the national debt.

- I saw a Iot of bats today. - So?

Their excrement, called guano, is one of the world's richest fertilisers.

Someday it could be a very important export.

How do people eat while we wait for bats to crap?

- I'm only trying to be positive. - (rumbling)

What's that noise?

With our Iuck, it's probably the bloody volcano.

(gushing)

(whistling / chugging)

Holy Moses!

- It's oil! - (all yell) It's oil!

(all laugh)

(brass band plays)

(people cheer)

The rope also belongs to Britain, Thwaites.

Then, you shall have it, sir.

There goes Iunch.

Smile, Sir Malcolm, as the cameras catch

the dying moments of a British colony.

The dying moments of my career! Thanks to this disastrous episode,

Margaret Thatcher is gonna have my balls!

(alarm whoops)

(Dolores) OK. Stop this screwing around!

I want to Ieave now!

And if she doesn't, Sir Malcolm, Dolores certainly will.

(alarm whoops)

(people cheer)

(calypso music plays)

I grew up bathing in sea water

But nowadays that is bare horror

If I only venture down by the shore

Police telling me I can't bathe no more

Cos Jack don't want me to bathe on my beach

Jack tell them to keep me out of reach

Jack tell them I will never make the grade

Strengthen security Build barricade

That can't happen here in this country

I want Jack to know that the beach belong to me

That can't happen here over my dead body

Tell Jack that I say that the beach belong to me

Gonna celebrate

This day of independence

They can't take away

Our day of liberty

Like we all decided

So let us raise our voices

Thank the Lord and count our blessings

Now the world can see

We achieved prosperity

Gonna celebrate

Now that we have our freedom

Whoa

No one can deny

That it was destiny

They fight us Unite us

And now the people's voices

Thank the Lord for all His blessings

And you all can see

Our happiness, prosperity

Gonna celebrate

Whoa

Our independence

- Gonna celebrate - Celebrate

- Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate - Our independence

Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate

- Celebrate, celebrate - Our independence

Destiny, destiny, prosperity, prosperity

Our independence

- Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh - Celebrate

Celebrate, celebrate

Our independence

Our independence

Celebrate

Independence, independence, independence

(music fades)