Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

♪dramatic choral music♪

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

-What now?

-I think I have to go to the bathroom.

-After that?

-More this. -After this?

-More this.

Without the cake.

-Aren't we supposed to be getting a career now?

-I hope not.

-They said we need to be productive members of society.

-I don't even want to be a member of society.

-They said it would make us happy.

-Happiness isn't that great.

I was happy once and I felt worse when it wore off.

-I want to try it.

-Jobs take away your happy.

They take your soul, and your body,

and your brain, and your feet, and your hands.

Jobs don't make you happy.

Money makes you happy.

-What happened to our money?

-They took it for four years in a row.

-How do we get it back?

[record skipping]

-We need to get jobs.

-What? -We need to get hired.

-Okay. -We don't quit.

-That sounds impossible.

-Then we get fired.

-We can do that.

But-- what?

-We can do better than being employees.

We can be unemployees.

We need to find gainful unemployment,

and the best way to do that is to get fired.

-[laughing] What?

-I've been dreaming of this since I was a little girl.

The dream that money truly does grow on trees.

♪heavenly choir music♪

[record skipping]

-Whoa.

-[Craig] Free business lesson: money don't grow on trees.

I see nothing on your application.

No work experience, no references.

I've just got two "Patties" here who list each other as their

emergency contacts.

No last names, even.

-It's Blank.

-[Craig] I know.

-My last name is Blank, so I left it blank.

-She's Patti with an "i" because she's illiterate.

-I thought I was Patty with a "y."

-We went to college.

I put that on there.

-[Craig] People don't want to hire college kids.

College kids just want jobs so they can quit and say they're

overqualified.

College kids know they can do better.

-We know we can't do better.

[phone ringing]

-Hi, this is Craig.

[clears throat]

No, I'll be home.

I should be home at the regular time.

I-- I get home a little earlier than normal and...

I'll pick up whatever you need.

I'll pick up whatever you need me to pick up.

Well, I don't have...

you didn't give me the checkbook.

You didn't...

no, I didn't mean to put that on you.

What I meant is...

I forgot to get the checkbook from you.

Okay, I'm sorry.

No...

yeah, there's petty cash from the work that I can take.

No, I-- it's not the first time I've done it.

I should go.

No, no one else is here, I just want some silence.

Okay.

[phone clicks]

That was--

that was a business consultant.

What kind of work are you looking for?

-Whatever will like us the least,

as quickly as possible.

[keyboards clicking]

-[man] [coughing]

[coughing]

-Yay!

One zero.

[thud]

[thud]

[crunching]

♪upbeat doo-wop music♪

[condiments squelching]

♪♪♪

-Why'd you quit?

-If you put me in a situation where I can quit,

I'll quit.

I can't help it.

I'm a quitter.

-Well, quit that.

-Quit being so good at your job.

They gave you employee of the month on the first day.

-And now I have to quit, too.

-No you don't.

-What's the point of having a career if you aren't there?

-You. -You.

-Me? -Yeah.

-What do you mean "if I'm not there?"

You mean like, I don't exist?

-Like, I'd be lonely.

-But do I exist?

-Did that hurt?

Patty?

-Me or you?

-Do you feel anything?

-Not usually.

-[Craig] I'm going to put you both in a factory.

-We won't let you down, Craig.

-[Craig] It's Greg.

-Are you sure?

-[Craig] Guh-reg.

-Guh-craig.

-[Craig] Get the hell out of here.

[machine creaking]

[balloon pops]

[balloon deflating]

[balloons squeaking]

[balloon inflating]

[balloon pops]

[balloon squeaking]

[machine cranking]

-Hey, boss!

Suck an egg!

-Yeah! -Check it out!

We're bad employees!

-So, you're quitting?

-We're getting fired.

-No, it looks like you're quitting.

You can take your suits and put them in the laundry.

If you head down to the annex room,

Bill's there.

He'll clear out your key cards, and you'll get your payment the

week of the 23rd.

[machine cranking]

-[Craig] I'm getting fed up.

Can you tell?

Okay, all right. No...more...quitting.

-Aye aye.

-Boy Scout's honor.

♪upbeqat electronic music♪

[food squelching]

♪♪♪

-Right here.

-Really?

-As hard as you can.

Don't be gentle.

-100, 99, 97...

96, 95...

94, 93.

-I'm ready.

[crash]

-See how un-gentle that was?

-Why won't anyone fire us?

[wrappers rustling.]

-If you eat this cookie, you will choke.

And maybe die.

-[crunching]

Craig is going to be so mad.

-God has most likely forgotten about you.

-We always get that one.

-You will find great disappointment in your

leave life.

-What's a leave life?

-L-E-V-E life.

I'd always thought I'd be not disappointed when

I leave life.

I'd always thought I'd find great...

poitment.

-Maybe it's supposed to say, "love life."

Do we have a love life?

-No.

[muffled television dialogue]

-Do you love me?

-I leve you.

-I leve you, too.

-Last chance.

Mess this up, and it goes on your permanent record.

-Isn't this a temp agency?

-I'll delete you from the system.

-That sounds great.

-[Craig] It'll be like you don't even exist.

-That's us all right!

Pew!

-You won't ever be able to get fired in this town again.

-[both] Whoa.

-Yeah.

Whoa.

[indistinct yelling]

♪heavy metal music♪

-[both] [screaming]

-That's it.

It's over.

No more Craig.

-Soap.

-And I'm unhappier now than when we started.

-You stole that line from me. -What?

-I say that all the time.

-We'll never be productive members of society.

-I have an idea.

[toaster pops]

-I'm sorry.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh-kay.

I know, I'm-- I'm sorry.

Says here...

says here you're looking for jobs.

-[man] They say they're infected with some kind of

moth virus.

They say it can make your skin melt and make your erection go

to hell.

Virus like this, it could be the end of us all.

You're going to need to wander around a bit to find

all of them.

Everything's marked.

It might spread, so don't touch nothing.

And, uh...

try not to breathe too much either.

-How?

-[man] Hold your breath!

[indistinct mumbling]

[motor idling]

-[both] [heavy breathing]

-What is that?

-I don't know.

-Is this a trick?

-I don't know.

-What are we supposed to do?

-I wasn't listening.

-Is it real?

-This? -That.

-Maybe...

we're dreaming.

Ow!

-Maybe.

♪dreamy string music♪

-Is anyone watching us?

-He drove off.

-Are we on camera?

No! They're infected.

-What?

-I think the guy said that they're infected with a virus

that will melt your hand, and it'll turn your brain to pus,

and then it'll ooze out of your ears.

-No. -Yes.

-No. -Yes!

-No. -He said they were marked.

-I didn't hear that.

-Look!

-Uh...

-It's infected.

I think we're supposed to chop it down.

-But there's an X on it. -Exactly.

-X means don't. -X marks the spot.

-Yeah. The spot where you don't chop.

-No, X means this one.

This one here? It's marked.

X marks the spot, not "don't chop."

-Yeah!

Don't not chop the not infected ones.

-Exactly. -Yeah, I know!

-Wait.

-[both] Shit.

-There's like...

273 dollars here.

-Yeah.

-He said there were more.

-Yeah.

-Patti. -Yeah?

-We could make like...

400 dollars.

-I've never even seen what 400 dollars looks like.

-Maybe even 4,000.

-How much are we making today, Patty?

-$10.15 an hour with an opportunity to be hired on after

90 days to get a 25-cent raise.

-I have a proposition for you, Patty.

-What is that proposition, Patti?

-Is my skin melting?

Is there pus oozing out of my ears?

-You feel anything?

-That overwhelming sense of dread?

It's washing away.

-It's working.

Money's making you happy.

-You're not melting...

yet.

♪triumphant choir music♪

[crickets chirping]

-You said it would make us happy.

-It did.

-It wore off.

And now I feel worse.

-The job didn't make you happy either.

-Yeah, 'cause we got lost after like fifteen minutes.

-I think we got fired after fifteen minutes.

-Really?

-Oh, yeah.

I guess we did it.

-Yeah.

We did it.

I'm freezing.

♪"The Money Will Roll Right in" by Fang♪

-Wait.

Hold on to this.

Don't look at your hand.

Look at the flower.

It'll be a distraction.

-I just look at it? -Think about it.

Like it's a...

symbol or something.

-Of what?

-I don't know.

How...

beautiful you are.

And smart.

And how...

the rest of the world gags me except for you,

and so now I love the world because you're always there.

That kind of stuff.

-I hope this never wears off.

[thud]

-Are you okay?

-It's not itchy anymore.

-Good.

-Do you have to be a man to get workman's comp?

-I think so.

-Dang.

-We should go.

-[grunts]