Original subtitles

THE WEDDING MARCH

Wait! Wait!

Let's comb it a little, OK? How'll we look if we don't comb it?

We've already combed it with the hairdryer! - What hairdryer! Look how messy!

Look, here below is all disheveled. - Exaggerated!

Hold it, I'll get the purse.

Walk. Walk, lazy girl!

Hi, Laura! - Hi. Come in. - Our little guy is locked up, right?

Yes, of course!

Very well. - Gigliola dear, you're so beautiful today!

This is Nicola and this is Lamberto. - Very pleased.

Pleased to meet you. - And this is Camilla.

It's a pleasure, Camillina!

Please, do come in.

We're safe with the young man, aren't we? - He's locked up!

Let's go in the living room. - Thank you.

But, you're really sure that your... ? - Sure! He's locked up!

Very good. You see, Camilla.

Is very, very sensitive. An almost neurotic sensitivity.

She's like that.

First she has to get to know things, people,

even furniture, and then, little by little, she familiarizes.

And yours, what's his name? - Luther.

Please, get in. - With pleasure.

Be my guest.

Good! Come on, honey! Look at them! These are your friends.

Your new friends! - I'll get me a whiskey.

Indeed, they'll soon be your new relatives.

Your future in-laws! - And we already love you, Camillina.

Now she's quiet. We can put her down on the floor. But, be a good girl!

Come here, pretty one. Come.

Lamberto, did you see those sweet eyes? - Sure!

But, isn't she a bit chubby? - No.

She's like that only when. . when she has her periods.

She's. . - Want some whiskey, Nicola? - thanks, a little bloated, that's it.

When we thought of marrying her, was then still alive my poor wife Giuditta.

So, do you want this whiskey? - But.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Please don't interrupt me. I'm talking about things... Excuse me.

I was saying, she didn't think of preparing her psychologically.

She's already made friends! - You see?

In short, the poor Camilluccia had to face a coarse beast, vulgar.

A country type, I daresay.

And... she experienced what is commonly called a real shock.

Well, you won't believe this. Nothing! I tell you, nothing!

No excitement! Quite the contrary! - Lamberto, your sherry.

One here, the other there. And that's it!

And I, who knew very well the sensitivity of my Camilluccia...

Where are you going? What are you doing? What are you doing?

Camilla!

I had almost intuited.

Camilluccia, come on!

How cute!

I'm surprised at you!

She never does that at home! - Never mind, no matter. Cute!

She has her fixed hours, her assigned places... everything.

Don't you think it's high time to let in Mr. Luther?

How about it, Gigliola?

Well, for me...

I think that now we can rest assured.

Indeed, perhaps we could. . But why do you keep going back and forth?

What do you think? - What's with you? - Sure, dear. If she's quiet.

We are ready.

Although, she's still a female, eh?

What're you doing? There she goes.

There she goes! Come here! Close! Close!

Come here.

Camillona! You're terrible! - See'? As if she knew who was coming!

It's true that females are always females.

Watch the coquette's eyes! And you say she has no experience.

It's in their blood, right? Say it. - You're hurting me!

Well, here is our little tomboy! - He's got a strength!

Come, let's introduce ourselves!

Already kissing? - Look, she pays you a compliment!

You like Camillina, eh? Let's try to put them down.

Let's see if they make friends, these two beautiful little dogs!

Camilla!? Come. Come, my little one. Come on. Come, Luther.

Luther, don't do that, you scare her!

Come on, stop it Luther! What are you doing?

Bully!

So, when is the wedding?

Pardon me?

We're unable to restrain him, he's become an impossibility.

Well, she's swollen enough. . But I hope that in a fortnight. .

Excuse me a moment.

How goes it'? - They're playing. Look! - How cute!

What are you doing? Luther, you must be gentle with Camillina.

Anyway, if you want, we can talk about it.

Moreover, I think it's right.

I know everything by heart, so I think we can go just on our word.

God forbid, lawyer!

Well, the father is a German champion, a Brandenburg.

The mother is a native of German Switzerland. Also the documents are Swiss.

We went to collect them, my wife and I, in Lugano.

We have French documents.

Gigliola, will you bring me Luther's papers? - There's no need, don't bother!

I see that he attacks, though.

What are you doing?

You know you came here only to play, make friends. .

And that it isn't time yet to...

Come on, leave those panties alone, you bully!

Play, come on.

Play. Play with him, yes!

I told you to play. I'm responsible for you too, y'know?, since you're alone!

Why did I get into this mess?

They're not all like you

with your Camilla! You wouldn't leave her for all the gold in the world!

Okay, okay. Rather, pay attention to what they do.

Not a trace of the documents! They're not in Rome.

Nobody knows where that damn woman put them! We've found everything:

The marriage certificate, my poor wife's death certificate,

but not Camilla's pedigree! - Look well, you'll find it.

Yes! And if I don't? - We'll make another one.

Make another pedigree? A Swiss pedigree? I mean, are you joking?

Don't you know that without pedigree we can forget about the wedding? - Come on!

So, careful they don't do what they mustn't do yet.

What should they do, with those ridiculous panties?

What do you mean ridiculous? The vet prescribed them!

My vet, who is one of the best. - Ugh! What a bore!

How'? How can I find it, in the midst of this. .

Of this mess?

What are you doing? What are you doing here?

You neurotic, she hysterical! Who knows what kind of offspring will be born!

Not a chance!

Here it is! In the album of Pope John!

100 years, I could look for it before finding it! 100 years!

Where are you taking me? What's up? What did you see?

Buzz off! Go away!

What are you doing? And you, don't you see that dog? Pay attention!

Go away! Go away!

If I don't look out the window I'm ruined! A dog two yards long! Shame!

And you want me to marry you! I can't even give you a small task!

I can't understand animals. You're right, sweetheart, but that's how I am.

Only now you bark, eh? Nice head of family you are!

You should react before, not now! You're like all cuckolds, who react late!

Lamberto Ferlazzo, real-estate agent.

Lawyer Nicola Caraviglio.

For what deed, excuse me?

Marriage.

Papers, please.

Here...

Camilla. . De Pompadour.

Daughter of Loutenon and Mimi Pinson.

Magnificent!

Superb pedigree!

It's really a pleasure. Congratulations!

And the nuptials, when?

Tomorrow or the day after. Professor Coribaldo will decide. - Excellent!

An illustrious veterinarian!

You really did well to get into his hands.

Even Soraya went to him.

And before, also Liz Taylor and Robert Burton were his clients.

Oh, great deal of money, big money, but aristocracy, if I may say, . .

Little, very little.

Well, poor animals!

A signature, please.

The pen.

Three thousand lire for registration, and as for me, what you deem fit.

Come in, please.

Good morning.

Look, how beautiful! - White horse, my luck!

That's a sorrel!

How are you, Camilla? We already met yesterday. A bit excited, right?

Well, you know. .

How he moves! He's nervous! - Let him walk!

And in ten minutes, give him the syrup!

He's an old English gentleman's. This is the groom? - Yes.

Lets see, let's see. His name? - Luther. - Nice meeting you. Come without fear.

Beautiful specimen! Quiet, Luther, eh? I've got to give a look.

We can see that you're a nice stud!

Don't look! Don't look!

Come with me. Let's look at this horsey.

See the beautiful horsey? See?

One never examines enough!

Sure, examine him.

However, he was examined by our family doctor, professor Pizzi-Lombardo.

Ah, yes! A young man who'll go far.

Quiet, Luther! Quiet! Because I'm stronger than you!

Joking, joking, and then instead... Let's hope so!

“Let's hope so" what? You make me laugh. - Then laugh on your own.

You're right to be satisfied, madam. He's really a beautiful specimen.

Glands well developed, strong, very healthy. An excellent choice!

Here.

Nurse!

If you knew the fear! As if they did it to me!

As a way of saying. .

Please.

Article 1:

Before using, for reproduction, a stud or a bitch... " etcetera, etcetera.

Article 2: “For dogs born after January 1, 1963", etc.

Article 3: "Carried out such checks, the owner. . "etc.

You're already aware. Would you sign, please?

Yes, professor. Dear, will you pass me the document? Immediately, professor...

Laura, at least the dog, one moment only. - Hold Lutero, and be careful.

Done!

Thank you. Now I'll sign.

Hold her well, hold her well. Okay, give her to me.

Luther, Camilla, . .

Your time has come. This way please.

Please, the newlyweds.

What a wonder! It's all padded!

Why we too don't make a bed as large as a room?

But, you think this is the time to joke?

Come on, Luther, you great rebel!

Now we'll see if you're worthy of your name. Go!

Camilla! - Here she is.

The panties, please.

Want me to help? - No! Leave it to me. I want. . I want to do it myself. Hold it.

Let me. - Leave it to me.

Go. Go, Camilla. Go.

And be happy-

She's... She's still a bit hesitant.

Good girl, Camilla! Good girl!

Watch, watch as you please! - No, no! Sorry, professor, but I prefer not to look.

I'm so excited!

Give me, I'll keep them. - You keep them as a souvenir? - Of course!

Should I throw them away? - Be calm, eh?

Don't look, don't look! What's this curiosity?

How are our children doing? - Very well. They're great. - How's it going?

Both very good!

He's rude, but determined. She. . full of abandon!

Well done!

Well, I took the liberty to...

The bottle, Laura. - Good guys!

Oh! How kind on your part!

To celebrate the event. - I should've brought something too! - All fine.

There's also some pastry.

I'm so nervous! Look, my hands are shaking. Y'know, a female!

We understand you perfectly. - We too are so excited!

Professor, will you tell me when the time comes?

It goes well. All goes well! - Thanks.

Look, when you tell me, I'll uncork.

Uncork it now! - May I?

Cheers! Consummatum est!

Thank you. - Just like human creatures!

Better! Much better than humans! They follow nature.

Well!

Then it's precisely the case to say: Cheers! - Cheers!

Long live the newlyweds!

Thanks, professor.

Long live the newlyweds! - Long live the newlyweds!

Come on, the child is ready.

Come on, wake up!

The cigarette. - Nice daddy!

The child must sleep. Be still, Marco. Be quiet!... Marco!

I won't take off the helmet because I'm an armed vigil.

And you have to put it right in my eye?

Who turned off the audio, eh'? Who did?

We did, for the kid.

Oh yeah? And now, who tells me who scored the goal? My grandpa? - My nice dad!

Marco, you're crushing my stomach! You know I have gas!

Nice dad! Bad dad!

Get off, Marcelino, get off!

Come on to bed, come!

There's mom, there's grandma, no, always I have to put you. . - Yes, you!

You, you, you.

Until you'll go in military service, I have to do this. Eh?

The cat! - Huh? - The cat!

Yeah, the cat! Touch only a mustache, eh?

Just touch his mustache. You won't take it to bed.

And they turn off the sound!

You know that I can sleep only in these ten minutes, but you, no! You wake me up.

After I can't sleep anymore.

How you're heavy! - Stop, Daddy, put the hat on, you too!

Which hat? Oh yes! I'm putting the hat on. .

Did you say bye to mom? - Yes. - And grandma?

No. Grandma!

Marcolino's going to bed!

Grandma's darling! Good boy! You had forgotten grandma, huh?

You know I was angry? Nice, nice! My love.

Come on, he's not going to America! Come on!

Every night is a toil, here! A toil!

Goodbye, sweetheart. Bye, bye. - Bye, grandma.

There we are! You're so heavy!

No, lie down. Come on, lie down.

You can sleep at least.

When will I ever sleep? Not even if I implore the Virgin!

Take off the helmet.

Take off the helmet! - No! - We'll be armed vigils tomorrow morning. - No!

No!

The prayers, come on.

Father, Son and... - In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Oh, Jesus, on fire w, I wish I'd never offended thee.

Oh, my dear, good Jesus... - No!

I don't want to offend you more, but to love you ever more,

and serve you for a lifetime. So be it.

Amen. But who taught you that? - Mom!

Kiss the medal, kiss the medal.

Ouch! Damn...

Come, get into bed.

And sleep!

And the helmet doesn't come off, eh'? Never! Never.

Good night. Bye.

Bravo! Very classy!

And thank God that it came! I did it, finally.

It happened here, near the bathroom, what can I do?

But I feel better now, as if freed from it all.

Let me wash my mouth, it's got a foul taste of coal.

Don't use the excuse of a sickness.

You like it, you like to do what you always please!

Think of the child, having to hear such things.

Don't worry, yours truly took care of the child, alright?

Good. - He's in the bedroom, asleep.

And then, what's my fault if it happened right here?

I didn't do it on purpose!

The bathroom is occupied round the clock because you must defend your privacy.

With the window open, though! So the others look inside.

Huh? I'm talking to you!

Is this how you preserve your privacy? With the windows open?

Rest assured that I'm careful. And then, there was nobody.

Yes, there was none! Who knows, then, if you're careful! Who knows!

Who knows!

I think you like being seen...

What are you doing? - My things.

Oh my! Always washing, always washing! Like your mother.

You're identical!

Drop it, come on!

We have a maid.

Let the maid do the maid's chores. Why must you always do everything?

Then you also ruin your hands, with the detergents.

They're all chapped. Look at that. - Don't be stupid, come on.

"Don't be stupid". I'm sorry.

If you got one nice thing, it's your hands.

You know what?

The money for massages is wasted money.

Each penny. It serves no purpose.

Everything's the same as before. Feel, feel, what stuff.

Look at that!

Let go!

I know I've got stretch marks. You don't need to remind me all the time.

I worry enough about it myself. - Come, no big deal! Just a bit of cellulite. So?

Who cares? I have air in the stomach, we're even.

And then, I like you as you are.

Look, look.

I mean, just tell me! Tell me! Who's got a golden ass like this, eh?

Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty.

Eight years of marriage.

With all the concerns I have, yet, despite everything, . .

Still like the first day.

Come on, we can't complain. We've a beautiful son, big.

Your mom, well, yes, she's not annoying. And then, she cooks well, so, who cares!

And you, look here, lovely, firm, firm as a piece of wood!

No, no, no! You're all black.

Always with this coal. Look at your mouth!

At least brush your teeth, please!

Basically, you're right.

I don't know how you can stand a guy like me.

I'm coming!

Angel, my angel, come here! Come here to your hubby! Come here!

Angel!

What a nut you are! Why did you wear my shower cap?

Because I love your shower cap. - Michele, look! In bed with dirty socks!

You know I can't stand that! - Come on! Always caring for appearances!

Appearances! - Come here, come.

Wait! - I desire you, I want you.

Be good! - I desire you, I want you.

I desire you, I want you. - Wait a minute!

But now I'm not even sleepy anymore! - Leave my place free!

All right. . away! One...

Two.

You swiped my pillow again.

You know I can't sleep without a pillow. Why?

Come on, put on your pajamas! Here it is.

I'm going to. Wait a minute,

I like to feel the warmth here. There's this niche that I like.

Wait! Go and get changed.

I'll leave you alone now. - Be good, come. - Just a little.

Go put on your pajamas and then come back, okay?

Fucking Judas! Why do you always touch my nose? You know it hurts!

You've even become a sadist.

Don't be an idiot! - Now we're even.

I'm going to the bathroom.

Hey, don't even think of falling asleep, huh? Got it?

Wait for me! - Sure, I'll wait.

Michele? - Huh?

Wash yourself well, understand?

Let's wash these feet.

With cold water. Always with cold water.

Damn soap! Fucking hell! - Michele!

Michele, really! The child then repeats everything, you know!

Always swearing!

Good heavens!

Filthy, vile! Damn whoever invented it!

How it hurts, God!

I'd like to know who decided that one must wash four times a day!

Look, don't buy that soap anymore. Please, don't buy it.

It may be very good for what I know, but it's dangerous!

It says you can use it for anything, but if you wash your feet you slip in the tub.

Oh God, that hurt! The blow that I took! How painful!

A beastly pain!

Listen, the house for the summer. We must give a response.

I see how you worry about me.

I smash my head, and you can only think of the house, the vacation.

Did it leave a mark?

It's nothing, nothing at all. It's all over now.

Come on, decide about the vacation, then let's go to sleep.

Sleep?

And who's thinking of sleeping?

Are you crazy?

Give me a kiss.

Give me a kiss. Don't go always away!

You never want to talk about this!

But who cares!

You seem to be afraid to let us leave.

No, I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid.

Do as you wish.

After all... I'm worth nothing huh?

You're comfy? At least leave me a pillow, I need to sleep too.

It's bad to sleep with two. Gives you a double chin.

Don't play the victim! Everybody take their kids to the sea. My mother's coming too!

I'm not playing the victim. Like I said, go, go wherever you want!

This way, for the whole summer, I won't even be able to see you.

What are you doing? A sleeping pill?

No, we have to make love!

No!

Then you fall asleep underneath!

What a way to talk! You know I don't like it.

Alright, sorry.

But, then you're doing it on purpose!

Come on, come here.

Stop it, darling. It's late for you too. Tomorrow you have to leave early.

Don't care. - Let's sleep, please. - Let's make love.

Then you'll sleep better after. Your little arm... there.

Then you'll never want to get up.

Michele, you're not letting me breathe! Please!

Ugh! - Alright! As you wish!

Don't expect I'm going to beg!

This is crazy!

“You crush me, you don't crush me"...

Some reasoning, "you crush me"! Aren't you my wife?

Now she takes a sleeping pill, and begins to snore!

And I can't sleep anymore, now I set my mind on the... the thing. .

I can't fall asleep.

"I'm tired", eh?

I'm a woman! - Say, when do you ever feel like it?

I'm not a beast, you know!

I'm a beast, eh?

It's been three weeks since we've touched each other!

Some beast, I'm a saint!

Such exaggerations! Last time we did it, was on the 19th and then I had my thing!

And you say nothing! 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25,

26, 27, 28, 29. - Oh, my God!

I'll say!

I don't even remember how to do it, anymore!

Alright! Alright!

How sad!

Poor me!

Reduced to counting, as if we were accountants.

And not that you're frigid, far from it!

Fact is that you couldn't care less.

Selfish and egotistical!

You, the home, the children, your mama, the summer vacation 300 miles away.

And I? I am the asshole who pays, who pays, who pays...!

You? You, my dear, haven't understood a thing about women!

You still think that a woman can make love... without preparation!

Just like a cow!

Same old tirade... same!

Damn it! I forgot!

But tomorrow I'll buy it, huh? Yeah, yeah, I'll buy it!

The violin! Sure! So, preparation with music!

Of course, the violin!

But go. . ! - You wake up cursing, you and your pains!

At noon, you put your head in the plate...

Never a smiling face, ever! Never a kind word!

Always angry! Always!

What should I do for you? Tell me! The face of love?

The Rudolph Valentino? - Stop it! - “Come! Love me!“

What should I do? Smile, talk, eat, all together?

So I don't chew and go to the other world? You'd like that, huh?

The doctor told me to chew, that's why I keep my head in the plate. I must chew.

If not, this stomach will gangrene. Damn it!

The truth is, if I don't go to work, nobody will chew, here!

That's the truth! Not the... rejection. The rejection of sex.

Damn! The stomach ache again!

Because it's mainly a nervous factor. Damn it!

Now the cramps! At one at night, the cramps!

How I can feel anything for one who sleeps in an undershirt and never changes?

And with a girdle, moreover! What violin!

The undershirt, the girdle!

I keep the undershirt because it's a clean garment

that's on my skin, and so is not dirty, okay?

Find another excuse, go on.

Okay, if I can't sleep, no one sleeps.

Come on, wake up!

Come, let's do something! Hey, I'm talking to you!

Don't pretend nothing, under the sheet! Come, get out! Hey!

All right, then! Go ahead! Do it, I'm ready!

Do it, do it! In cold blood?

What am I, a butcher?

Don't you know that it takes two to make love?

By the same token, I should go down the street, find one of those,

with 10,000 lire and a nice pro I'm all set.

I can't stand you! I was ready but you just want to torture me! Is that love?

Come back here. - I'm going to sleep with the child! My son!

No scandals. Shut up and sleep!

Come to bed. I don't torture you.

I simply asked you to make love.

Something normal. Between man and wife it can be done, right?

Can't be done'? Patience! Go, go, go to bed!

A big bed, just for you. So you can move round as much as you want!

There! Happy now?

It was a matter of two minutes.

By this time, we would have done. No! The... the spites, the things.

Now, who loses is me! Because I'm excited... and I don't know what to do!

Where do I go?

It seems that I ask for alms for something that's by right.

Sleep, sleep quiet, OK? Good night, ma'am.

I'll even turn out the light, eh? Alright?

And now, I, where am I going?

Excuse me. Come over here.

Tell me.

Tell me. - Go to sleep, eh? Go to sleep. Good, good.

Good night!

Spy!

And skims the shopping money, even! All alike!

They don't even bother to put the magazines in their place.

No way!

I spend millions...

What "masters of painting"! They're masters at doing nothing.

What does it take'? What does it take to teach my son to put things in order?

Nothing doing! Learn! Learn yourself how to do these things. Learn!

Still alive!

Look at that!

What's this craze of keeping a helmet on your head even when you sleep, eh?

This way he'll become a complete moron.

Quiet. Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.

Quiet! Look what I have to do!

The finger in the mouth! To keep him quiet. Damn!

Then: “Do you love mom?" "Yes, I love mom" -

"Do you love grandma?" "Yes, I love grandma".

Not once: "I love Dad“. Dad, never! Dad doesn't count.

Dad must stick a finger in your mouth, period!

Finished?

Michele!

Keep quiet!

I put my finger in his mouth to get him to sleep!

Come on, come! Don't be silly!

I beg you, Michele, come.

What are you doing, crying? Come on, don't be silly!

Come. - Leave me alone, I'm watching the kid. - But he's asleep now!

Come. Let's go to bed. - You go to bed. - Come and sleep with me. - Go to bed!

Please!

Let's go to bed, come!

No, don't touch me.

No, look, what am I coming to bed for?

According to you, I'm annoying. You go.

I'll give you the other pillow too.

I didn't mean to offend. What I said was for your own good, you know?

Come, come and rest! - No, no. .

You see, even when I was in the other room, just now, with the boy,

I could've banged my head against the wall

thinking of the two of us.

I know, I'm vulgar! What can I do?

I should change, but. .

Not easy, you know! Why should I change for?

By now, I am what I am!

Look, to make you happy.

There! I took off my undershirt!

And then, my girdle as well.

And so, tomorrow I'll have pneumonia!

But I do it for you, you get it?

So, bare-chested, as you wish.

Hand in hand.

Laura.

This beautiful little body, that keeps me awake all night.

Two hours, you know, I've been excited, yet look.

I'm here, calm. I'm not doing anything.

Yes, I know, you're right, sometimes I'm. . I'm like an animal.

But there are also times that I'm sweet. You must admit it.

Yes, yes! - Right? - Yes.

For example, when... when I see you, I don't know, . .

Hanging around the house. .

With the kid...

your mother, . .

It reminds me of Dante...

and I want to recite a poem.

Then, why don't you?

Want me to recite?

I don't know if I remember it all well. But I know the first part.

"So gentle and so pure appears. .

My lady. - "

Are you listening? “my lady"...

Because, you see, the love between husband and wife, even the just physical one,

is something important. That's no lie.

And I, this physical desire, I feel it tonight...

like when I was twenty years old.

As I was saying, the physical desire... it is something that...

It came to my mind, when I was sewing at La Spezia, you know?

I remember, during the war... I was a sailor...

and one day there was a bombardment. A bomb fell on a brothel.

Eighteen “signorine“ died, and the Madam too, poor thing!

And six sailors...

All died. Luckily, that night, I had no leave, . .

Else I'd be dead, in the rubble.

I just finished scolding you and you start talking about these things. - Sure.

You're right. We shouldn't remember sad things. We shouldn't.

But, you know, they're visual memories...

It's beautiful, though, to love one another.

Come, give me the pillow, please.

Yes, sorry.

You see, darling, physical love is the foundation of all, understand?

You know that is the foundation of all in a marriage? It's also a duty!

Think of how many families break up because...

Not us, huh?

Are you awake'?

How about if, tonight, we give a little sister to Marcolino?

Tonight? - Yes.

But maybe he doesn't want a little sister.

Why not?

We're young. Let's make love all night long...

All night long...

Yes, all night.

We'll make love.

Yes. .

But tomorrow you got to go to work.

No, I'm not going to work.

Who cares about work!

Michele, don't snore!

Don't push like that...

Come... Come here... Don't push...

Come, Barbara, let's go to dad!

What time is it?

12:55. - We gotta go. I've a hairdressing appointment. - Yes, dear.

Come. - Where is Kay?

Back! Come back!

Come on, baby.

Take off your skates, eh? - Want a sweet? - No.

Where do we go now? - Oh, here's my baby! - Here, eat this candy. You too? All right.

Come, we'll be back tomorrow.

Mama, will you take off my skates? - Mom takes off your shoes, eh?

When is the babysitter coming? - I took care of everything, don't worry, dear.

Why, sure! - You'll see, this Saturday everything'll be fine.

For me, it always goes well, dear.

Barbara, Kay, let's go!

So, you go home with the girls and wait for me.

I don't trust this helix much. But tomorrow we'll try it, okay?

So we'll see if it flies outdoors.

Are you happy the plane's flying now?

Here it is!

Barbara, Kay, here's your snack. Milk, chocolate, and sandwiches.

Good, right? And on television today, you can watch "Yogi Bear".

Frank, bring Kay. Barbara, are you coming?

Ah, Frank? - Yes?

Hurry up, the babysitter will come at 6!

Okay, okay. Coming. - Bye!

Come here. Come to your daddy.

Eat first, and then you watch TV. Come, sit here.

Frank! What are you doing with that thing in your eye? Silly!

Come Kay, now be good, and eat your snack with Barbara.

Sorry Frank, but if you don't feel like it, we can cancel it. - What are you saying?

Of course.

Isn't it Saturday today?

I never give up. - Here we go.

Be good, huh? Eat and don't fight, okay? Good!

Mommy will turn on the TV.

Just Yogi Bear!

You see? It's the bear!

Have fun but don't leave the room. Careful.

Mom and Dad have to get some rest now, okay?

And eat all those snacks, eh?

Frank!

Will it take long? - No, just a second.

Take your time.

But, dear, it's much better with the veil.

You see now I'm the one waiting for you?

Nancy, don't you think it'd be better without so many precautions?

The doctor said it's all the same.

Unless you want another child!

Well, could you try the pill, don't you think?

The pill? Haven't you heard Monica? She always has dizziness, nausea...

Do I leave this record on, dear'?

Leave it on. If you like it, okay.

But you should like it too.

I do like it.

Frank.

It was better, wasn't it?

It was great for me. But you. .

Are you calm this time?

Of course! Haven't you noticed?

I mean, more than the other times?

I thought you noticed.

I always fear that you say so just to reassure me.

No, dear, stay close to me. You know it does me good.

Won't I be too heavy?

No. Not at all! We must prolong the contact, right?

You know what time it is? Half past six.

We stayed in bed 15 minutes more than last Saturday.

Right?

Twenty long minutes more than last time.

That's the babysitter. I'll get it.

Nancy, I wouldn't contradict you, since we both have decided but, . .

Don't you think it'd be better to make love at night?

Hello, Jessica.

Good afternoon, Mr. Begonia.

Can you leave me the record player tonight?

Why, sure!

Hi, Barbara. Hi, Kay. How are you? - Fine.

Barbara! Kay! ls everything all right? Yes?

Hi, daddy. - Where is my gear?

What did you watch on TV'? - Nothing.

Darling, if you talk about nights, it means that today wasn't positive.

No, no, why?

I said so because I thought at night, it'd be more comfortable.

Above all, fewer bell rings.

Well, I think instead, that at night it's mechanical, more routine.

And then, at night you're always so tired!

I believe these things should be done in the most conscientious way.

Yeah. No, maybe you're right. By day it's better. More complete.

Ah, listen. At that meeting where we're going now, please, don't make me speak.

I don't like to lay my feelings in public.

But it's important, and beneficial to both of us.

You can't deny that now it's better than before.

Yes, I know. But look, in these cases I prefer not to talk. I listen.

Sorry, Nancy, if I insist, it's not easy. I'm still not used to it, believe me.

You know each time it's increasingly difficult for me.

But you think it was easy for me? Anything but!

But I'm happy now. We had to solve our sexual problem, didn't we?

Nancy! Oh, dear! How are you?

How are you? - Frank!

Mary, - Very well.

You okay with that coat. - You like, eh? I solved the problem of the cold.

Leave it! Leave it! Go ahead. Go ahead.

This of the hour is a really interesting problem.

We should really talk about it. Who wants to start?

You start, Horace! You're so good at explaining!

It's not the day or the night that matters, dear Frank.

I think that the love act can, indeed must happen at different times.

It should take place in places and situations that vary.

Continuously new. What do you think, Tony?

I repeat once again: what's important is saving the marriage.

And to save the marriage it's essential that the sexual life of the couple be rich,

filled with mutual and complete satisfaction.

Not like a descending parabola, but like an ever increasing diagram.

So, my dear Nancy, you asked all of us whether it's better at day or night.

Well, I can only answer:

personally, for us, it's precisely the same thing.

True, dear?

Yes, of course. Of course!

However, you know that for me, between 7 and 9 in the morning,

it's always been hard, since day one.

Right. Because you're half asleep.

However, Nancy and Frank, regarding your question...

Oh, no, Tony. The question is my wife's.

Yes, okay, but,

even if the question is your wife's, I imagine the problem concerns you both.

My wife's right. And I think, Frank, that you don't want to cooperate.

We're here to talk. To help each other.

You know our problems very well, right?

Yes, yes. You may be right.

But l...

Sit down beside me, honey.

But you know everyone's problems!

We've never had secrets. I don't have your strange modesty, Frank!

This way, you hurt us too! You make me feel embarrassed.

Today, for example, the two of us... Well, we have to tell you something.

Come on! Come on! No fear! This is the right time!

The more we free ourselves, the more we progress.

Well, we've finally found out

the reason why he disgusts me, when we make love.

It's because he makes the same noise as a pig!

The same I'd see as a child on a farm.

See, you're not cooperating!

Sorry, Frank, what's so funny?

And right about Mary, who's so sensitive. - Yes, but...

I'd like to further clarify what I said a while ago.

I've always considered Frank a totally normal man. Absolutely.

So perhaps the fault is mine alone.

Here there are no faults, dear Nancy, but only problems to solve.

Problems common to us all.

Anyway, we decided to have sex in the day, right on Saturday.

That's because we've more time at our disposal.

Certainly there's been some progress but...

Sorry, dear, I asked you not to talk about certain topics, and instead...

Be patient, Frank. Here we shouldn't exclude any topics.

Here we have the courage to do what so many people should try:

to save the marriage as an institution.

As a way of life. As the ideal state of man and woman.

Helen and I, for some time...

because of our strict education,

we try to free ourselves from the idea of sex as a sin.

John and Mary! They're...

They're overcoming a problem of physical disgust.

Sally and Orazio, married at eighteen, very young,

struggle to reinvigorate a boring married life, perhaps a bit exhausted.

Nancy and you. .

Have this problem of... dissatisfaction.

But I'm happy, indeed, very happy with my marriage.

Then why are you here? For the show?

Frank, they're friends, they just want to help us.

Excuse him, it's discussing in public... - It's his Latin blood. What can you do?

Come, Frank. Come with me to the kitchen to make sangria. Come!

Be patient, it takes time to overcome it.

With all this talking there are no more drinks.

Sally, you must give me the recipe. - Yes, I'll write it down.

I must make some in the rectory. - I don't understand Frank.

Don't worry.

See Tony, for example, poor man!

You certainly remember all the trouble that it cost him, right'?

During the first 2 years of marriage he made love without even touching his wife.

The can opener's there. You do it, please. - Yes, but I've always used my hands.

I've never had any inhibitions!

The truth is I don't trust this system much.

That's your trouble, in my opinion: lack of confidence.

Then you have it, right?

And, have you reached any conclusions? - Of course!

It's very simple, you know?

For three years we lived together as friends, and now we're again husband and wife.

To me, this whole thing of analyzing...

of uncovering, of digging... don't know.

For example, regarding my breasts,

you should know that they got worn-out a bit after my third pregnancy.

Orazio liked them very much before.

Well, I'm sure that this was one of the reasons why our sexual relationship cooled.

But without these meetings, he would've never understood!

So instead, we talked, and even this was overcome, without too much difficulty.

Trust me.

And now he likes them again? - No...

Get the bowl. It's there, in that sideboard.

Sure.

No. But now, I always let myself be seen from behind.

You know, I have a high fanny, long legs...

Careful, Frank!

It's lead! - It's heavy, yes. Put it here.

Listen, now bring me a bottle of cognac. It's in the lounge. - Yes.

Certainly, the economic concerns have an effect. True, Frank?

Yes, yes, true.

Indeed, I think without economic problems, marriage would be much better.

And, when we bought the second car,

we had some really difficult times.

Frank could only think of debts, commitments.

Yeah, yeah. That's the truth.

Thinking of debts, no time to think about making love. - No, I disagree.

Well, I'll get the brandy. - But I don't think

that the economy is critical in the sexual life of couples or singles.

For example, in countries...

I've stained my whole shirt. What are they talking about in there?

Nothing. They were saying that at times, the precarious economic conditions...

Yes? And?

May disturb a relationship.

No, actually, I wouldn't say that.

Think about the Indians, for instance, or the Chinese. They're very poor, . .

Yet we all know they have a very intense sexual life.

Moreover, it's clear from their culture.

Haven't you seen the pictures of the temple? - What pictures?

Those of the Indian temple of fertility. Come, I'll show you.

From my notes so far, it looks like. - Come.

the only positive result is John's confession.

Here. Look.

Interesting.

But this is huge!

And look at this!

From the same collection, there's a volume that deals with Roman art

and with Chinese art, see?

I'll change my shirt and be right back. Excuse me.

The truth is that modern man is spoiling everything!

I wonder what would happen to anyone who'd build churches like this.

Yes, you're right. Well, now let's make that sangria they're waiting for.

You have a real library on the subject, eh? - Yes, my analyst recommended them.

For my breast problem I was telling you about.

Look at these pictures.

Is it you?

You see, to have these pictures taken has been very useful.

Risque

Did you take them with a Polaroid?

Naturally. Then, Orazio is quite good.

Frank, let's go back to the kitchen. The others are dying of thirst.

Come, we'll continue our talk in the kitchen, while making the sangria.

Come, please.

The sugar.

But, have you ever tried to take pictures like these?

Huh? No... But it must be fun, right?

Try to do it, sometimes.

It's very erotic, you know?

That's how we started over.

Orazio no longer saw me as a woman, however after...

You know, the postures, the jokes. Put yourself so... Put yourself so...

In short, when Orazio had these photographs in his hands, especially. .

Especially the one this way, he jumped on me.

And he demanded that I put myself so.

In the same pose as in the photo.

Oh yeah? - Yeah.

What are you doing?

Your breasts are beautiful! - No! They're ugly!

I like your breasts, I tell you! - Listen, the sangria...

Never mind the sangria! Come...

I've never betrayed... never... - Me neither... Come here!

Come here, I said!

It's the first time, understand? - For me too...

But, poor Orazio...

Your wife... - Poor Nancy...

They can see us! They can come in! - No, I'll close the door...

Paul:

A world organized according to temporal sequences,

moved by constructive stimuli and convinced to be partaking

of a historical path, immediate or religious,

needed to reproduce up to the fundamental micro-group, the family,

the myth, engine of the world:

Inequality as a stimulus for progress.

Paul:

What will remain of the notion of marriage, in 1984?

Little or nothing, in my opinion.

Burg?!"

I believe that any concept of sexual normality

will disappear completely, in a time of unprecedented social freedom.

Bloch:

Thus we will reach the ideal Utopian society.

A society without psychoanalysts, be they Freudian, Adlerian or Jungian.

Williamson:

I imagined, in "The Cometaries“,

the manufacture of artificial men and women, created exclusively for marriage.

Paul:

I don't think so.

There are technologies that can't be improved by automation.

Or, through the machines, we will come to an automation so complete

that we find everything ready, like in the earthly paradise?

In the third millennium we'll he happy!

Mia, come here!

I can't turn my head but you immediately flee. Come here, Mia!

If I don't feel you near, you know, I'm as lost.

No! How, no?

But you always get away. You're my wife, you must stay with me.

You know that I'd drown you? Really, drowning my wife.

No! I don't think you'll ever do it! Oh, you don't? But I'll do it. Watch.

But not to drown you. I'll do it for fun, to see how long you resist under water.

Six, seven, eight. .

I don't want to die, Igor, no!

9,10, 11,12, 13,14...

"Institute for the Protection of the family. January 1986. Sample 176329. "

I'll send you under! All the way, watch. And now I'll eat you, eh?

Little by little, I'll eat you whole.

You really want to drown me? I don't want to die, Igor!

I don't want to die under water! No way! Darling, my darling.

How could I kill you? Kill my dear little wife?

Moray. .

No, not like that, Mia! Don't be violent. .

I don't want to make love in the water. You know I could die.

Love, my love! Don't be like that!

The other day I felt bad, you remember? You saw!... No!

You rascal! So you really want to kill me, eh?

You're killing your Igor! But. . Take this, take it!

L'm jumping!

Now I lay you in the sun. So you get a tan.

Are you happy?

Yes! See what a good husband you have?

Hi!

Hi!

Bye! - See you soon!

Well, now. . I go for a walk, eh'? You stay here.

I'll see if there's some girl to have some fun with. - As you wish, dear!

Bye. - Bye.

Want an ice cream? Thank you. - Yes?

Well, go get it yourself!

Good morning. How goes it?

Fine, and you? Where is Mia? - She's there. Always lazy!

Come on, Giovanni! Don't stay stuck to your wife! Come for a walk.

He never wants to go. Always over me!

He crushes me, he really crushes me!

Here's your friend. Want to go with him?

No, he doesn't want to!

But so attached to your wife you'll go nuts!

Come on, Giovanni, enough now! Come away!

Don't touch him! He's mine! I told you he wants to stay here!

Right, darling, you don't want to go with him, and prefer to stay with me?

All right, do as you wish. Bye!

"Never come between man and wife".

No more ice cream for you!

Want a small skull?

Sir, would you give me a skull, please?

You want the bone? You want it? Come on, be good.

What's with this child, eh? Come on, be good, be good.

The usual tantrums. - Yeah? - He wants ice cream. - So, buy it!

He already ate two today, and, you know, too many ice creams are bad!

If you allow me, I'll treat him. Maestro, an ice cream.

Which flavor you like? Apricot, cream or peach?

His mother's flavor, CC 18.

See what a nice ice cream? All whipped cream CC 18.

Which grows, grows, grows, and almost gets to 23.

You'll see how good it is! Take it, dear.

He and his mother... Two peas in a pod in everything.

Now you no longer want it, huh? Do you want it or not?

At least please the gentleman who bought it. - Never mind, he doesn't want it!

Now I'll make you eat it! Here!

Here! Eat! Eat! Eat!

Come here.

What is your name?

Mia.

Ah!

Like my wife!

And, where do you want to take me?

Come, I'll show you. She's jealous, jealous!

Oh no, dear! Lose your head with the first gal passing by!

What do you think? That I'm your servant? See that island?

I'll take you to the other shore and then I'll leave you there!

And you, what do you want here? Go away! Go away, I said!

Mia! - What?

Mia, come with me.

Go away! - Mia, come with me.

It's not yours! This is mine! I've bought it myself! Go away!

Go away! - Excuse her, she's a little girl. - Go!

Go, go, go away!

And you! You always go with any girl! Always with any!

But what do you think? I'll strangle you! I'll strangle you!

Mia?

That woman is awful. She's very jealous!

Look!

Just think, she's already killed three women.

But, you want to make love with me?

No.

Then why make me waste all this time?

Bye! - Yeah, bye.

Irresponsible people!

But, whose child is this?

Excuse me, is this your child?

No. I just got married!

Why allow certain people to have children, I wonder?

May I? Igor Savoia, geologist. - I'm Pietro lnnocenzi and this is my wife.

Enchanté.

She's very beautiful! - Yes, very beautiful.

Looking for a place to lay the bride? - I'd like a quiet place.

Good! Come along.

You're really very kind.

Let me say it.

A fantastic model, a velvet skin.

I don't understand those idiots who don't want to marry!

I got married when I was eighteen.

I saved all the money they gave me at home to buy me a wife.

You too are very young, though.

I would have married sooner, even at fifteen,

but my mother didn't want a stranger at home.

She died last Friday, and Saturday I went to the Family Bureau.

My best congratulations!

Here come people! There isn't a place where you can be quiet!

Who knows what they'll do now! These, then, are new. I never saw them before!

Good, sweetheart, good...

That's good.

Take her shirt off. - Yes, sure! You're right. - She must be bare-chested.

It'll do her good, trust me. - No, I can't.

See? See, the lack of experience? I forgot the bra! - The bra?

You want to take her to the sea with a bra? But nobody uses it anymore!

Really? - Take it off! Take it off! Let the skin breathe!

It does good. Else, it rots everything!

The membranes dry out. The air, instead, expands the lungs, tones up.

Don't worry. Anyway, mom is gone now!

No doubt about it. There was terrific progress.

One like me, who's married for so many years, . .

What should he do before such a perfect specimen?

Can you lend me a hand? These pants are so tight! - Gladly!

Look at that! We've already reached the Z.

My wife is a B!

Eh yes! I'd already noticed, while kissing her hand.

My wife, before a type like this, can't compete.

You see? I told you so!

The usual lechers! Like the other morning!

We gotta go, children can't watch a show like that!

There you go!

No way!

There's no match!

Excuse me, could I touch her? Just to feel her skin. - Yes, go ahead. - Thanks.

Oh, yes! It is something else!

Another rubber, a different scent...

Look, you're very young.

Why don't you lend me your wife?

No, please. Get possibly another one like it.

Eh, no! I like this one because it's yours.

This one has a number, you know? I'm a seducer...

She'll be with you all the time. .

I just got married, don't start creating problems! - I see.

Lucky you! - I should let her decide, and if she says yes, pity!

So, won't you reconsider, you're determined not to grant her to me? - Be reasonable.

She's just out of the factory, and I don't trust her to decide. - I won't insist.

Anyway, I'm over there.

If you change your mind... - No, I don't think I need you. Thanks.

Would you like to meet my wife?

Thank you. Maybe some other time. Now I'd rather enjoy my wife.

As you wish.

Excuse me, why not let her go with your friend? - I just got married.

But there was us to keep you company!

But I am faithful! - Oh, it would have been nice!

If you'd seen that wife, this morning! A softness, a scent!

Come on, don't get upset! I'll give you a kiss.

Emotionally, you still mean much to me. But sexually, you don't anymore.

You're a model “B"!

Damn, what a blow!

We reached model my dear! If you could see!

It's something else altogether! A skin that's smooth, smooth, smooth...

There's nothing to do, it's a whole different process.

Eh? Why are you crying now?

Come on! Mia!

Come on! You're still my wife anyway, right?

Eh, I'm the one who's screwed!

Every so often a new model...

No, there's nothing to do!

It's all the fault of the system.

And now, what shall I do with you?

English subs by edam17@KG, July 2010 Revised October 2014