Original subtitles

This is my favorite week of the year,

homecoming.

That is why I am wearing my school colors.

Back at Sammy Davis Sr. Junior,

my cheer team, we would decorate campus.

We wore our uniforms.

And we even got into a little mischief.

Our rival was Harry Connick Jr. Junior College,

and the Crooners had this big ol' statue of their namesake.

And one year, someone turned his microphone into a wiener.

That's the kind of fun we had, allegedly.

I don't know who would do something like this.

Kind of stuff that helps you bond as a team.

That's what we need on our long road to Daytona.

And that's why I just can't wait to see

what this quirky little college has in store.

Oh, Lord. They didn't do anything.

I mean, what the heck is this trash?

Oh, OK, at least there's a sign.

They didn't even spell it right.

Oh, there you go, blue water. Our school colors.

It's not much, but it's a start.

Ooh.

You can really taste the spirit.

False alarm.

No, it's real.

♪ Okay, let's go, okay, let's go ♪

♪ Let's go, five, six, seven, eight ♪

♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

Sals, I think that football player over there

likes you.

What? No he doesn't.

I think this is for you.

Uh--

He thinks your name is Sally.

Girl, can't you tell when a boy likes you?

Stop kicking my chair.

Stop backing your chair into my foot.

Oh, my God.

Nobody drink out of that water fountain out there.

Also, where's all the school spirit in this place?

Why is nobody wearing school colors?

Especially my cheerleaders.

Y'all know that we're playing East South

Oklahoma Junior College for homecoming this week.

Oh, our homecoming game is away, actually.

For seven weeks after the Button Factory

releases its new color,

it's dangerous to be outside for long periods of time.

Or short periods of time.

So if you have a cough or colorful diarrhea

for more than six weeks, please see a doctor.

So y'all don't do anything for homecoming?

Well, technically we're not home, so no one's coming.

This feel--Peaches, what happened to your eye, hon?

I took your advice about extracurricular activities

and joined a club. - Oh.

Fight club.

The first rule of Headltston Junior College Fight Club

is to tell everyone about it.

It's a new club and we're trying to get more members.

So you are telling me that we have a fight club,

but we don't have homecoming activities?

Who do I need to talk to about this?

You wanted to see me?

Are you Bâtchet?

- You can call me Tom. - Oh, well, I'm--

I'm Courteney Potter. I-I'm the cheer coach.

I-I'm just-- I'm wondering why we don't

do anything for homecoming week.

We tried having games, but breathing is dangerous.

Oh, I understand, yeah.

But what about school spirit?

There is a lot to be pr-- well, there's some stuff

to be proud of here.

Let my cheer team have a pep rally,

and I guarantee it will make a huge difference

for this school.

Look, you're not from here.

We don't like change at Headltston.

In fact, we banned coins back in 2003.

That was my doing.

So when you see something that costs $1.04

and you have to round up to $2,

you can say, that's Bâtchet.

Look, this might sound crazy, Bâtchet, but school pride,

it makes the kids feel like they belong to something, yeah?

Give them a rival.

Right now, their only rival is life.

- OK, you're quite the fighter. - I know.

You're not available Wednesday from 11:00 to 2:00,

are you? Fight club needs a coach.

Now, that's Bâtchet.

Told you to call me Tom.

Baby, what's going on?

Oh, I made decorations for the pep rally.

The table was not like this the night my streak started.

My team is currently in the midst

of a four-game winning streak.

Uh, so in order to keep the good mojo going,

I'm doing everything the exact same every night--

same underwear.

Courteney's making me the same steak dinner.

Here is your nightly 32-ounce tomahawk steak,

side of garlic mashed potatoes, and 911 predialed on my phone.

Baby, where are the greens?

Oh.

Thank you much.

I'm even watching the same episode of "Jeopardy."

What is a soufflé? - Who is Ruth Bader Ginsburg?

- That's correct. - Ah, dang it, that's right.

Coach, you think maybe you're winning games

'cause you're in a new division

and they don't know your team and not because you're

eating like you're in a contest?

Baby, let's not mock science, OK?

Ooh-ee!

Meat sweats are starting early tonight.

Mm.

Y'all know I am Boon's biggest cheerleader,

but I can't wait for this streak to end.

The pep rally is as much for our team

as it is for the school.

Tomorrow, we are cheering against our rivals,

the East South Oklahoma...

Western Owls.

But those aren't our rivals. My cousin goes there.

Yeah, and they have a great

animal paranormal studies program.

OK, I don't care. Right now they are the enemy.

Y'all, at my old school,

we put a [bleep] in Harry Connick Jr.'s mouth.

Ew.

Allegedly.

- I'm down. - I'm not doing that.

You know what?

I don't care how dead they are out there.

When you hear that music, you come out cheering.

Now go on backstage till it's time.

Headltston, show me that spirit!

I can't hear you!

All right, y'all, listen up.

Tomorrow, we're playing

East South Oklahoma Junior College,

and we're gonna bury them, yeah?

We're gonna destroy them!

We're gonna wipe them off the map!

That's what I'm talking about!

And now--ooh, give it up for Miss Dot,

Dot, Dot, Dot, Dot, Dot.

I have some terrible news.

I'm sad to report that a gigantic sinkhole has opened up

under East South Oklahoma Junior College.

They have been buried, they have been destroyed,

and have been wiped off the map.

♪ Y'all ready for this?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Guys, no!

No, no! No, no. Guys, no!

Guys! No, no!

- What is Iguazu Falls? - Who is Big Bird?

What the heck is a Big Bird?

Ooh, honey, I know it's not in the streak routine,

but we are going to have to crack a window, yeah?

Oh, baby, you outdid yourself with that 32-ouncer.

We destroyed Mater Dei St. Bernard Collies.

Well, you're lucky.

Our game got canceled

because a stupid sinkhole swallowed an entire city.

Mm.

Our prayers go out to the good people

who lost everything.

Mm-hmm, mm.

Night guard? Oh, baby, no.

I was thinking maybe we could celebrate my victory.

Boon, whoa.

OK, no offense, but you smell like a stew.

Did you shower?

Twice. It's coming from inside.

OK, well, now, don't read into this.

I am just drinking some water.

I just don't know what to do, baby.

We have no team spirit. We have no rival.

So we have nothing that bonds us, you know?

Well, good thing you're coming to play us

at our homecoming game next week.

That way, your team can see what

real school spirit looks like.

I just can't believe I have to go back

to Sammy Davis Sr. Junior,

and I don't even have my revenge body yet.

Honey, you were born with a revenge body.

And speaking of revenge,

that tomahawk's doing a number on my belly.

Well, Boonie, you're not really making me

feel better about my life.

Your life is great, all right?

You get to visit your old stomping grounds,

and you get to see your husband win a football game

just like the good old days.

What makes you think you're gonna win?

Because I've never lost a homecoming game

at Sammy Davis Sr. Junior College.

OK, but that's when I was cheering for you,

and now I'm gonna be cheering against you.

Well, look at this.

Seems like something's gotta give.

Uh-oh, this is the real deal.

Ooh, breathe through the mouth, baby.

We're coming for you, babe.

You don't have any idea

what my cheerleaders are capable of.

Hello?

You have an incoming call

from Headltston County Jail from...

Peaches.

Didn't I say no more fight club?

That wasn't fight club. That was me fighting at a club.

- Are you in a gang? - No.

It's just a loose association of like-minded youth

who defend our turf and demand loyalty.

OK, well, you have that already.

It's called cheer.

Peaches, you have got to get on the good foot, honey.

You are my star flyer now, and that means responsibility.

Get your feet off the dash.

And that means no more fighting, yeah?

You get arrested one more time, you're off the team.

Matter of fact, you know what?

Get on out. Find your own way home.

- Seriously? - Did I stutter? Go.

Fine.

I know that seems harsh,

but as a coach, it is my job to teach her responsibility

and to keep her safe.

Peaches.

Peaches, get off that bike. Not with him.

Peaches!

Six, seven, dip.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, hit. One.

All right, y'all pop off on your own.

Listen up, y'all.

Barring another school getting swallowed

into the ground...

We made a donation.

#EastSouthOklahomaStrong.

We are gonna be cheering today

at Sammy Davis Sr. Junior College's homecoming.

You're gonna see a lot of team spirit there.

Am I right, Dimarcus?

I can't wait to see my former teammates.

You got JT, TJ, PJ, PJ Jr., White Eric, Black Eric.

You know, cheer is fine.

But in football, you get to hang out with your boys,

and that's exactly why I even--

What are you looking at?

Nothing.

What was I saying?

You were talking about your boys.

Right.

Did I mention Asian Eric? That guy is crazy.

I'm back!

- What are you doing here? - Krystal!

I thought you were still on "Love Island Poland."

I thought it was more important to be here with my team.

- Aw, babe. - That's cute.

Sweet.

And if anyone asks,

Aleksy Wisniewski is a deceptive little bitch.

- Oh. - Oh.

Uh, how are you feeling about going back

to Sammy Davis Sr. Junior?

- I feel great. - Oh.

I'm not going.

My momager and dadager said it won't be good for my brand

if I go back to the team I left and am not beloved.

Plus, I started an Insta for my feet,

and it's taking up a lot of my time,

which you can follow @kry$tal$littlepiggie$.

OK, well, everybody who's not pimping their feet,

just come on with me.

OK. - Yikes.

all: ♪ S! D! S-J-C! ♪

♪ Go, Foxes, go!

Welcome to Sammy Davis Sr. Junior College homecoming.

Stick around for the halftime show,

where we will be giving last year's

cheerleading team their national championship rings.

I get my ring. Oh!

See, this is what school spirit really feels like.

We do have our fan base too.

Honestly, that's not too shabby for an 80-mile commute.

Go say hi.

He's working.

Yo, you want some of this?

Holden, baby!

Oh.

Hi.

Uh, hi.

- Bye. - Bye.

Oh, my God, you're blushing.

You're blushing!

I'm not blushing.

We made red at the Candy Button Factory

and no one opened the windows.

Please rise for our national anthem.

Buttons, let's go.

I wonder where Tammy is.

Bless her heart.

She probably wanted me to have the spotlight.

Hi, y'all.

I'm so sorry I can't be there in person,

but I'm battling a cold.

But it's probably for the best,

because I do not want to steal focus

from the important events of the day.

So in honor of homecoming, and of course, our country,

I'm going to try to muster the energy

to sing the nation anthem...

OK.

Of America.

♪ O, say, can you see

♪ By the dawn's early light

♪ What so proudly we hailed

♪ At the twilight's last gleaming ♪

♪ O, say does that star-spangled ♪

♪ Banner

♪ Yet wave

♪ O'er the land of

♪ The free

Wow.

♪ And the home of the brave ♪

♪ On the shore

- Oh, there's more. - ♪ Dimly seen

♪ Through the mists of the deep ♪

♪ O'er the land of

♪ The free

♪ And the home

♪ Of the

♪ Brave

♪ And where is that band

♪ Who so vauntingly swore

- Is she making this up? - ♪ That the havoc of

♪ O'er the land of

♪ The free

♪ And the home

♪ Of the

♪ Brave

♪ O, thus be it ever

♪ Free

♪ And the home

♪ Of the

♪ Brave

Play American football!

- OK! - Whoo! Play ball!

Girl knows how to milk a moment, I tell you.

♪ You're a grand old flag

♪ You're a high-flying flag

♪ And forever in peace may you wave ♪

Yeah! Yeah!

Just wanted to wish you good luck today, Coach.

You too, Coach. I'm not gonna need it.

We're about to cheer so hard,

you're not gonna know what hit you.

All right, then. Let's play some football.

All right.

I'd smack you on the backside,

but I'm only allowed to do that to my players, so...

- That's a good call, Coach. - Mm.

Ooh, doggy.

All right, y'all.

I got a little mini-rivalry going on with my husband,

so what do you say we cheer our team to victory, yeah?

All right. Five, six...

78, and Headltston 0 at the half.

Can we leave?

No, we've got another half.

Yo, yo, yo, my boys!

What's going on?

Yo. White Eric, what gives, man?

We're not allowed to talk to you.

Why?

It's part of our superstition.

You're the reason for our winning streak.

We haven't lost a game since you left.

- But you're my boys. - Sorry, bro.

This conversation did not happen.

Do not tell Asian Eric. You know he's crazy.

- Tell me what? - Oh!

Nothing. Nothing baby. Let's go.

Good game.

- Coach. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Let's crush this team. - That is the spirit.

Honey, cheer your heart out.

Cheer doesn't win football games.

I know you didn't just say that to me.

I know every play they're gonna run.

You let me call it out so our team can win.

First of all, that's cheating.

Second of all, why don't you use this energy

and focus on bonding with your team?

- That sucks. - Well, sometimes life sucks.

That hasn't been my experience.

Oh.

Krystal! I thought you weren't coming.

My parents wanted me to get my championship ring.

Aw.

So I could sell it.

Aw.

Please join me in honoring

last year's national championship cheer squad!

This is the spirit I'm trying to bring back

to Headle-toon and my cheer team.

Although, if I'm being honest, being back here,

it feels like my homecoming.

Starting with the coach...

Are they booing me?

I'm pretty sure they're just saying Boon,

because they saw me walk up, baby.

Oh.

And current coach of our conference rival,

Courteney Potter.

Boon's wife!

Are you kidding me?

We're gonna wipe this school off the map!

But our hearts do weep

for the sunken ones of East South Oklahoma.

May they rise again.

Girl, they did not just boo you.

Nobody talks [bleep] about our coach

except us after practice.

And that one time you wore khakis.

Allegedly.

Not the time, Sally.

And that was a beige jean. - Of course.

Dimarcus, do you really know every play

that SDSJC's gonna run? - Hell, yeah.

I had to know the plays

so I can always end up with the ball.

All right.

No matter what happens,

do not learn any lessons from me for the next 30 minutes.

OK, girl.

all: Break!

- Run the safety blitz. - All right, y'all.

Everybody...

all: ♪ Shake your [bleep]!

♪ Watch out for the safety blitz! ♪

♪ Everybody shake your [bleep]! ♪

♪ Watch out for the safety blitz! ♪

♪ Everybody shake your [bleep]! ♪

♪ Watch out for the safety blitz! ♪

♪ Everybody shake your [bleep]! ♪

Audible, audible!

Hey, they know we're coming.

They're-- audible, audible!

They know the play! - Hike, hike!

Hike!

Number one, number one! Get him!

No, no, no, no!

Oh!

Jeez!

I did that!

All you Erics can suck it!

- Oh! - Oh.

Oh, no, you didn't!

Roll, Buttons, roll!

♪ We are vibing

Looks like we found our rival.

Ooh!

♪ Yeah, 'cause we vibing

Hey! No, ma'am.

Please let me go out there.

None of these cheerleaders know how to fight.

Absolutely not.

Do not get hurt or caught.

♪ We are vibing

♪ You know that I like it

Get out there.

♪ Yeah, 'cause we are vibing ♪

I saw you were about to hold the ball.

Uh, yes.

I bet that was going to be very good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Uh, would you like to go out sometime?

- Yes, please, yeah. - Yeah?

- Oh, yes. Yeah. - Oh, sick!

Ah!

Looks like someone has a date.

It's me! I have a date.

Saturday!

Get over here! Get over here!

Saturday is free.

Help!

[bleep] yeah!

Cheer builds team spirit.

It allows kids to express themselves

in ways they normally can't.

But most importantly,

it's about knowing somebody always has your back.

Sammy Davis is disqualified for attacking the cheerleaders.

Headltston wins!

No! No!

Yeah!

Yeah! Oh, my gosh!

You can't beat the spirit of this place.

Yeah!

Let's go!

They say you can never go home again.

Oh!

And in this case, they're right.

I have been banned from Sammy Davis Sr. Junior

pending appeal.

How was the kale?

I pretty much hated it, but guess what I hated more?

- The garbanzos? - Is that a real thing?

I thought the corn had gone bad.

No, that's a real bean.

No, what I hated was actually seeing you

cheer for another team.

Made me a little bit jealous.

- Did it now? - Yes, it did.

Also didn't love that you were calling out my plays.

OK, well, I am sorry about that, but I just--

I couldn't stand being booed at a place that was--

you know, that was my home.

Oh, my love.

If it makes you feel any better,

SDSJC was never your home.

Boon, it does not.

What I'm saying is it doesn't matter

what school you're at, because your home

is right here with me.

Oh, Boonie.

Come on.

Mm.

Hold on.

Uh-oh, it's getting serious.

Boys, there's about 40-odd pounds of steak

in the garage freezer.

Why don't y'all help yourselves?

Yeah, yeah. But not too much.

Leave--leave some of it. - Please take most of it.

Let's keep it to about 8 ounces a person.

No, listen, quit thinking about steak.

OK, you got--ow, ow, ow!

- Ooh. - Sorry, no.

It's just that your mascot kicked my ass, so...

Ooh, you still smell like the dumpster

at an Outback Steakhouse.

That gonna be a problem?

- I'ma play through. - God, I love you.

Mama, look!