Original subtitles

Previously on L .A. Law.

You're now asking that all these people believe that you went to Nina's

apartment on the day she was killed. You had sexual intercourse. She told you

she had someone else. You kissed her goodbye and you left.

Then a short time later, some unknown, unseen person showed up and beat her to

death. That's exactly what happened.

Because you're incapable of murder? Yes.

Incapable of brute force?

Yes. I'm not a brute.

I am a professor of Russian literature.

That doesn't mean you're not a savage killer.

I am not a savage.

I'm not a wild beast. No matter what you would like these people to believe, no

matter how you see me, I am a human being and I did not kill anyone!

Who is that?

That's Hamilton Schuyler.

He's a gifted trial lawyer.

They call him Mighty Mouse.

Victor, you're going up against Mighty Mouse.

In the matter of the people versus Earl Williams, criminal complaint number

7341, we, the jury, find the defendant, Earl Williams, guilty of

murder in the first degree.

We further find special circumstances to exist, namely that the murder involved

the infliction of extreme physical pain.

I appreciate you coming down here on such short notice. I got it.

But I figure if you're going to jump in and represent us, you might as well see

it for yourself. Did you look at this place?

You haven't seen anything yet.

Oh, good. They just started. This way, gentlemen.

This is what we want to stop.

Yeah, who's next? Come on, let's hear it.

All right, we got to take them. We got to take them.

Let's help them out here.

We got the best athletes in the world right here. You see that little guy hop

right up? Come on, folks.

Let's help him out.

One, two, three.

You got to help him shut this down.

Mr. Stevens, we couldn't possibly be prepared to start a trial tomorrow.

Let's go back here.

These guys.

Brought in this hired gun dwarf lawyer at the last minute.

Mr. Suventes is the only lawyer in town who knows him. Hamilton Schuyler?

Hey, I flew him up from Texas. They call him Mighty Mouse.

He's defending this place?

Yeah, I guess figures a pretty good strategy to have a dwarf on their side.

We're told you went up against him and beat him.

Yeah, well, we actually settled it.

Look, we know how good he is. It's very simple. It's a straight, nuisance

action. We're claiming he's disrupting the quiet enjoyment of our property. But

this is all so last minute, Mr. Stephen. We'll pay you any retainer you require.

Money is not a problem. What's that?

Oh, you gotta look at this. This is the latest gimmick.

You're not gonna believe this.

What the

hell?

It was a spirit.

People versus Earl Williams.

Michael, I understand an appeal's been filed.

That's right.

On what grounds, Michael?

Reliability of DNA testing.

Unfair surprise by the district attorney.

Abuse of discretion for not calling a mistrial. You name it, this one begs to

overturned. Well, since Mr. Williams' outstanding bill now exceeds $130 ,000,

might I suggest that we postpone our appeal efforts until some of it has been

collected? You may not.

We're throwing money away. The cost of an appeal... Move on, Douglas.

Douglas. I didn't say move on.

Fine.

Stevens et al. versus Riley's Pub.

Mine.

Mighty Mouse flies again.

So this is really true. A bunch of drunks flipping munchkins.

Oh, yeah, it's big business. It started in Australia, then it spread to England,

and now it's in Florida and California.

And they expect to have it in over 1 ,000 bars nationwide.

This is sick.

What's next?

Crosswalk races for the blind?

Have you spoken to Mighty Mouse this morning? He won't settle. What's new? So

start the trial today.

By the way, guys, since I'm taking this on, I really would appreciate it if

somebody would take on this bad faith trial. Forget it, Victor.

Oh, no, you don't. I'm doing back -to -back trials here. Come on, let's show a

little support.

You've been trying to unload that dog for a month.

Mike, what do you say?

Don't look at me.

I'll do it.

I'm serious.

I'd love to do it.

You're not a litigator, Stuart.

Yeah, well, I don't want to spend my whole life as a lawyer without doing at

least one trial, and this is a pretty simple case, right?

It's a crazy woman suing a dating service over a bad date.

Even I could defend that. I mean, what could I possibly screw up? I think the

client would be more likely to expect one of our regular litigators on this.

With all due respect, Leland, your regular litigator is scoffing at it. I

the client would like to see the case in the hands of a lawyer who took it

seriously.

Please.

Excuse me, Leland.

I think he can do it. Me too.

You okay, Stuart?

Hey, I got myself a trial. Hi, Elizabeth.

I'm going to have to borrow a secretary of mine who doesn't know anything about

litigation.

Excuse me, Michael.

There's a guy here who needs to see you. He says he's got information on the

Nina Corey murder. And he says it's real important.

All right, so what is this information?

My cousin lives in Nina Corey's building.

Who's your cousin?

Howie Newman.

I already talked to him. He was away on vacation at the time of the killing.

Yeah, I know he was away on vacation, sport. I was staying in his apartment.

And?

And I was there when the chick got it.

I'm listening.

I saw who did it.

Right after the screaming stopped, I looked out the window and I saw this

dude running out of the building.

How do you know it wasn't Earl Williams?

Because I know the dude, that's how.

He's a whacked -out pipehead named Pinno.

They call him that on account he's got these white patches all over his skin.

Well, why the hell didn't you come forward with this before?

Because I sell rock cocaine for a living, that's why.

I sell it, I smoke it.

Man, I don't want anything to do with cops.

Not cops, not district attorneys, not nothing. So what are you doing here now?

I got busted again.

This time I want a lawyer like you. I figure maybe the two of us can work

something out.

You're lying.

I ain't lying, man.

I saw what I saw and I can clear your guy.

You just got to help me out.

I'm not making any deals with you until I'm satisfied you're telling me the

truth.

How are you going to get satisfied?

Lie detector test.

I'll set it up.

You pass it. And I mean...

Pass it with flying colors.

You got yourself a lawyer.

All right.

I'm going to pass it, Mr. Cusack.

Because I saw what I saw.

What do you mean I'm traded?

It's just temporary, Rox.

My case load is light. And Stuart needs a secretary with some litigation

experience. So you put me on waivers.

What'd you get for me, Arnie? Don't take it personally.

I'd never give you up. You know, that's a couple of weeks at most.

I don't want to work for him.

I thought you liked Stuart. I do.

Sometimes he can be kind of a nudge.

Nudge?

Yeah, he's so particular.

Everything's got to be just so.

I'm afraid he's going to drive me nuts.

Don't be silly. He's going to be a lot easier on you than I am.

Hi.

Roxanne.

Thrilled you're going to be helping me out on this. You have no idea what a

secure feeling it gives me.

Thank you.

So, uh, when you have a minute, I'd like you to go through all the pleadings,

and I want to color -code them with these index tabs so I can, you know,

distinguish them easily during the trial.

Uh, we'll use, uh, blue for pre -trial proceedings, except for discovery, which

we'll use yellow.

And then for legal memoranda, orange, and for rulings on motions and limine,

green. Except for adverse rulings, we use half green, half red. Kind of cut

in half and scotch tape together. I'll show you how to do it.

And then we'll sit down and alphabetize our witnesses. I've got this idea how to

use graphics in our exhibits. I'll show you.

Great.

Thanks again, Ernie.

Black, right? Right.

Same as always.

So tell me, what's going on?

Well, about two months ago, Amy found out she was pregnant.

My God, how old is she now?

She's 17.

17?

Just yesterday she was 10.

Well, it has been a while.

Anyway, she thought about it, we talked about it, we talked about it some more,

and she decided she was going to have an abortion.

So the morning we went down, there was a Save the Babies demonstration at the

clinic, and they're holding up photographs, and they're yelling, Don't

baby! Don't kill your baby!

Oh, boy.

I could feel Amy starting to shake.

Then when we got inside, she just broke down and sobbed.

When we left, they're still outside. Only this time they were worse. They're

screaming right in her face.

Murderer, murderer, baby killer, butcher.

Oh, Connie.

Since that day, I just sit and hold her every night.

She sees those bastards screaming at her every time she shuts her eyes.

Is there anything I can do?

I want to sue them.

Sue them?

Emotional distress.

Mental anguish.

Anything you can think of.

I'm not in this for the money, Ann.

I just want to take them on.

You haven't changed a bit.

I don't know.

Maybe this is the wrong time to be asking you this.

Will you represent me?

Yes. Yes, I will.

Okay, we're ready for our opening statements. Mr.

Tafuente. Your Honor, I'd like a sidebar.

Objection. You're objecting to his request for a sidebar? Yes, Your Honor.

It is Mr. Schuyler's practice to call these sidebars so that he can approach

bench and stand tiptoe on his trial bag in order to evoke laughter and sympathy

from the jury. He then seeks to shame the jury for their laughter and

their sympathies to his advantage.

That's why I object.

What I object to is his blatant assumption that I'm an object of

I didn't say that. That's exactly what's at stake here, the attitude that small

people are to be pitied. Mr. Schuyler.

You need not feel sorry for me, ladies and gentlemen. You need not feel sorry

for any dwarf that chooses to be tossed. Here he goes, making speeches already.

And here you go, attacking me already. All right, both of you, stop right now.

I'm sorry, Your Honor. Could we please note his abuse for the record?

No, I will not. Both of you, in my chambers now.

What the hell is this?

He has a tendency of making himself an issue, Your Honor, and I have to

neutralize that.

Again, I am under attack, first in court, now in chambers.

This man is a dwarf bigot, Judge.

Look, hey, now I know you two have a history together, but I'll expect you to

conduct yourselves responsibly and professionally while you're in my

without the antics.

Are we clear?

Yes, sir.

Yes, Your Honor.

Good.

Let's go.

Some people never change.

It was a mistake to object to the sidebar, Victor, picking on a person as

as me.

You know, when you exploit your side like that, you're no better than those

dwarves getting tossed in the bar.

Except in the courtroom, I get to do the tossing. I am going to beat you this

time. Loser buys dinner.

That's a bet.

You're dead meat.

Dream on, tall boy.

Were you present at 2358 Linbrook in the city of Los Angeles on November 8th,

1988? Yes. Did you observe an individual known to you as Pinto run out of the

Linbrook apartment house on November 8th?

Yes.

Is your name Philip Michael Holden?

Yes. Is your mother's name Francine?

Yes.

Had you heard a young woman screaming immediately prior to seeing this

individual flee the scene?

Yes. Were you born in Fresno, California?

Yes.

Is your father's name Carl?

No. Are you under the influence of any narcotic substance?

No. Have you ever lied to your attorney?

Yeah.

Thank you, Mr. Holden. We're finished.

Would you mind waiting outside?

Not at all.

What do we got?

I'd say you got a guy who's telling the truth.

And they have these contests to see who can throw them the farthest. It's

terrible. I own a respectable restaurant. I try to cultivate a certain

clientele. You can look across the street and see them shot -putting

So you and the other merchants in the neighborhood decided to bring this

nuisance action? Well, we had to. The influx of the crowds was causing noise

pollution. The streets were congested. It caused vandalism. We all suffered

property damage the weekend of the championship.

This is our town.

To have it associated with an event as depraved as this makes us all look bad.

What they're doing is cruel.

It's devoid of all human decency and demeans our entire community.

Thank you very much, sir. I have nothing further.

Why is it you find dwarf tossing so depraved, Mr. Stevens?

When a person's physicality is exploited for amusement and profit, I find that

depraved. I see.

Well, could you tell us about the wet T -shirt contest sponsored by Silver

Street Tavern last year?

Well, it's a little different. Are you telling the court that at this bar right

next to your restaurant had big -breasted women strutting around in

clinging undershirts? They weren't exploiting physicality for amusement and

profit? It's still different.

They were not ridiculing the girls.

Oh, no, they were exalting them with honor.

If anything, they were exploiting their physical attractiveness. What they do is

exploit an abnormality, and that's wrong.

What about the circus, Mr. Stevens?

They employ dwarves for amusement and profit.

Are you going after the Ringling brothers next?

The circus is different, too. They don't mistreat the dwarves. Oh, so it is okay

to exploit them for profit as long as you don't mistreat them. Your Honor, he

badgering. Tell me, Mr. Stevens, who should be the arbiter of whether a dwarf

being mistreated, you or the dwarf?

A human being is picked up and thrown.

That is mistreatment, pure and simple. Going back to the circus, clowns are

out of cannons. Is that depravity to you? It's still not the same.

But I'm sure if they shot dwarves out of cannons, you'd come running to the

rescue, wouldn't you?

How lucky we are to have you. That's enough, Mr.

Schuyler. Uh -oh.

The judge has just reprimanded a dwarf lawyer.

Go get him, Mr. Stevens. Objection.

Sustained. I have nothing further.

Except, of course, to say thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Mr. Schuyler, that's enough.

You Bud Stewart?

Yeah, Rox, I need you to send a letter to opposing counsel.

Another one?

Mm -hmm. I need to confirm his witnesses.

He said he'd notify the court, and I have seen no such notifications.

Okay. And I need you to mark up this motion in limine.

Okay. Mm -hmm.

They want to introduce her dating video as evidence. Totally irrelevant.

I'll file it this afternoon.

Good. Oh, and, uh, did you mark out that motion for sanctions?

This morning.

Good. File this with that as a new combined motion. That way I only have to

one court appearance.

Good.

Oh, and, uh, Rock, you've got a favorable court ruling here with a blue

it. You know, the blue tabs of it.

We'll do that later.

Great.

Hey, hey, hey.

We've got a real problem, Leland.

What? Ann's taken on a case that puts us four square on the pro -choice side of

the abortion mess.

Ann? And we have clients who will run from us like the plague.

Oh, I don't know that that's true, Douglas.

Tell me, what's the upside of taking the chance?

Well, the upside, Douglas, is that Ann Kelsey is a partner here.

I'm sure that this is something she feels rather strongly about.

No doubt.

No doubt she'll attend to it with her customary zeal.

And mark my words, when the dust settles, we'll all be picking the

of our bank accounts.

Who exactly are the clients you're concerned about?

I'm concerned about Polestar.

I'm concerned about McCarran.

I'm concerned about all of them.

Well, let me sound a few of them out on the subject.

Leland, you'll spook them just by bringing it up.

Douglas, when I need guidance from you on how to communicate with a client,

ask you for it.

Let me know what you find out.

I don't care if it's legal or illegal.

Now, what I'm saying is that throwing a dwarf is medically life -threatening. Is

it more dangerous than tossing a normal -sized person?

Oh, very much so.

Echondoplastic dwarfs have extremely fragile spines. There's an abnormal bone

structure, and the spinal cord itself is very inflexible. A trauma to this area

could cause sudden paralysis or permanent neurological damage.

Is it your opinion, then, Doctor, that this practice is unsafe?

In my opinion, this practice borders on criminal negligence.

Objection. That's a legal conclusion. This man is not a lawyer.

Sustained. The last remark is stricken.

Thank you, Doctor.

I have nothing further.

Doctor, you say you're opposed to dwarf tossing on a safety level?

Yes, that's correct.

Have you ever known a dwarf to suffer this sudden paralysis or neurological

damage as a result of being tossed?

Well, it's only a matter of time before... Yes or no, Doctor?

No. I haven't seen it happen yet.

And on a safety level, which would you say is more life -threatening, dwarf

tossing or skydiving?

Well, obviously skydiving. In fact, when we talk about football, skiing,

ice hockey, boxing, car racing...

All these sports pose a much greater threat of injury than do dwarf tossing,

don't they?

Statistically speaking, that's true. Then how is it you advocate the banning

dwarf tossing when you advocate no such ban on these far more dangerous

activities? Well, these other sports you mentioned all have some redeeming

athletic value.

The only point to dwarf tossing is cruelty and increased liquor

But that is not a safety argument, is it? That is a matter of policy.

Well, maybe it is, but when you consider... But, Doctor, you expressly

you were opposed to all this on a level of safety. Now, were you confused or

were you just lying?

I do oppose it on a safety level. Then how come you don't oppose football?

Well, football is a legitimate sport.

Thank you, Doctor, for that expert medical conclusion.

Nothing further.

Tomorrow we go to court and we move for a new trial.

Then it's up to the judge, right?

Right.

She'll have an evidentiary hearing, Holden will testify, and then she'll

What do you think she'll do?

I don't know.

The jury would never have convicted Earl if they had heard this man, right?

Well, that's hard to say.

But what do you think?

Well, I think it would have made a difference.

But Jackie...

That in itself may not be enough for her to give us a new trial.

I think she will.

I'm not going to say anything to the kids, but I think she will.

Just when you're sure that there's no way, a way is shown.

Let's hope to hear the way out.

I appreciate what you're doing.

Well, I'm just doing what a lawyer does.

Yeah, well, a lawyer sends a bill.

We'll work that out, Jackie.

What did you do when you heard all of this screaming, Mr. Holden?

I'm ashamed to say I didn't do anything.

It wasn't until after it stopped and I heard someone running away that I went

the window.

What exactly did you see when you looked out of the window?

Saw this guy running.

Running fast.

Is that the man you saw?

No.

You're sure?

Yeah, I know the guy I saw running.

He hung out in MacArthur Park.

He was black, right? But he had these white patches all over his arms and

Maybe one called him Pinto.

I have no further questions, Your Honor.

But at this time, I would like to submit an affidavit signed by Detective Edward

Fowler of the Los Angeles Police Department, confirming that there is, in

a man whose street name is Pinto, whose real name is Ronald Sewell, and who has

a skin condition known as impetigo, which is exactly what we have heard

described here.

Mark submitted.

Miss Flanagan?

Your Honor, I would also like to submit...

The results of a polygraph test taken by Mr. Holden.

I'm not stipulating to any polygraph tests, Your Honor. That's that, then.

It's inadmissible.

Well, in the alternative, Mr. Holden would be willing to submit to another

polygraph supervised by the prosecution.

The prosecution's not interested in polygraphs, Your Honor. Both sides have

agree, Mr. Cusack.

Miss Flanagan, you can proceed.

Have you ever used rock cocaine, Mr. Holden?

Objection. Credibility of the witness is an issue, making this line of

questioning totally relevant.

The objection is overruled.

I'll ask you again.

Have you ever used rock cocaine, Mr. Holden?

Yes, I have.

Had you been smoking it on the day that you saw Pinto running across the parking

lot? Your Honor. Mr.

Cusack, sit down.

Had you been smoking it on that day?

No, I don't believe I was. Does that mean you're not sure?

I'm sure of what I saw.

You ever sell crack, sir?

I think I might just take the fifth on that one.

But the fact is you were recently arrested for selling it, weren't you?

innocent until proven guilty, right? This time.

You've been proven guilty twice in the past.

Yeah, all right, I've been proven guilty twice in the past.

You offered your services as a confidential informant to the police.

Objection. Relevance. That has nothing to do with this case.

It goes directly to the reliability of the witness. Objection overruled.

You were the informant used to get an arrest warrant on Ronnie James, were you

not?

Yeah, that was me. And that case was thrown out of court because you proved

be totally unreliable. Isn't that right?

I don't know.

I didn't really follow it, to tell you the truth.

Documentation will be made available to the court.

Tell us, what is Mr. Cusack offering you in exchange for this testimony?

Nothing.

Is that what Mr. Cusack will tell me when I put him on the stand?

Objection! Overruled.

What is Mr.

Cusack giving you for this testimony?

He agreed to be my lawyer on the bust.

So you lied just now when you said nothing, didn't you? He isn't giving me

anything. He's just going to be my lawyer.

Well, Your Honor, this is pure sham.

He's a liar, and Mr.

Cusack's enticed him to come forward.

I object to that. This man came forward on his own. Oh, out of the goodness of

his heart, I know.

He has material information, Your Honor.

Material lies.

He's a burned -out junkie looking to cut a deal.

Objection. Hey, maybe I'm lowlife, but I know what I saw.

Pinnock was on the pipe. He killed the girl. That guy there had nothing to do

with it.

I'll take this matter under advisement.

We're adjourned.

Mr. Creeland, approximately how many times would you say you've been tossed?

Probably well into the thousands.

Have you ever suffered injury as a result of this activity?

No, never.

I guess the question on most people's minds is, why do you consent to all

$500 a night.

As a plumber's assistant, I was lucky if I made $60 a day.

Don't you find it all rather demeaning?

Demeaning is not being able to pay my rent or buy braces for my son's teeth.

This job gives me financial security.

It allows me to provide for my family. I don't want to throw all this away just

because some tall people feel sorry for me.

Well, these tall people, they're just trying to help.

Well, let them help the homeless or somebody that needs help. Nothing

Mr. Creeland, what are the patrons in the bar doing as you're getting tossed,

sir? They're having a good time.

They're laughing?

Yeah.

Laughing at you?

I don't know, but I don't really care.

Well, Mr. Creeland, could you make room for the possibility that these people

laugh at you because they consider you a freak?

It's possible, but like I said, I really don't care.

Yes. You've mentioned your son, sir. How old is he?

He's eight years old. You ever take him to work to show him how Daddy makes a

living? Objection. It's light of question. He says he's not ashamed of

does, and I'm just crossing him on that. The objection's overruled. The witness

may answer.

I can't take an eight -year -old boy into a bar.

Well, does he even know what you do for a living, sir?

No, he doesn't know. Well, why not? Most fathers tell their kids all about their

job. Objection. This is abusive.

What is abusive? I'm just talking about his great job.

Objection is overruled.

Why haven't you told your son what you do for a living, Mr. Creeland? Wouldn't

he be proud to see his father getting tossed around, getting laughed at? Or

could it be that he might be ashamed?

Why don't you shut up? Which is worse, Mr. Creeland? If you were ashamed?

or if you wanted to grow up to be just like you. I said shut up!

Mr. Creeland, that'll do.

And you too, Mr. Cifuentes. I have nothing further.

Let the jury take note of the witness's sense of dignity.

Objection. Withdraw.

Hi, Rock.

Hi. What's the matter?

Nothing. Nothing, just savoring my seven -and -a -half -minute break before I

start to rebind the deposition transcripts.

You're going to rebind transcripts? Of course.

How could anyone possibly go into court with deposition pages that don't turn

crisply? It's almost as bad as miscolored bleedings.

Stewart's trial.

I have filed seven motions and sent 12 letters to opposing counsel in the last

three days.

Well, being meticulous is one of the reasons he's a good lawyer.

I know.

What's with the secret meeting?

Beats me.

They all filed in there about ten minutes ago.

Something's up.

I am not proud of this.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have never bowed to political pressure.

Then why do it now?

Because this is different.

Abortion is different.

And I know of two major clients who view our taking on this case as

fundamentally altering the nature of this firm.

And both have made it very clear they'll leave. Which, given our current

financial woes, we can ill afford.

We represented right to life rather than pro -choice clients would leave. Which

is exactly why we stay out of it.

All together.

Michael can represent murderers and rapists with the full support of the

want to represent a dear friend, and I'm told no. We don't run the risk of being

labeled pro -murder or pro -rape. So we'll just shut our eyes and play it

What is wrong with playing it safe? It's commonly known as cowardice, Arnie.

Excuse me, I don't accept that characterization.

What's more, I resent it.

We have no business involving ourselves in this controversy when there's so much

passion on both sides.

I am involved, Douglas.

I'm a woman.

I'm involved, and that passion is my passion.

Now, you may choose to ignore it, but you will never make it go away.

Well, we have heard evidence of the vandalism.

We've heard evidence of the street congestion and most of all we've heard

terrible stain this activity casts on the entire neighborhood Now every time

they toss a dwarf They're saying it's okay to humiliate a person just because

the way he looks every time they roll a dwarf down a bowling alley They're

saying it's okay to abuse someone because he is different Well, it is not

This is no different, ladies and gentlemen, than if they started throwing

people and promoting it as nigger tossing. Or if they decided to throw me

bowling alley and call it spic bowling.

And even if the black person agrees to be thrown, even if I consent to be

bowled, those activities become no less repulsive.

No.

Because bigotry can never be ratified by the victim's consent.

That just makes it more pathetic.

What they are doing is depraved.

They are singling out a class of people and designating them as objects of

ridicule and disrespect.

And I don't care how much they make people laugh. I don't care how much

they make. That is discrimination.

Throw them through the air. Have a beer.

Watch that little guy sail.

Smile. Have another brewski.

And help remind the world that dwarfs should never be taken seriously.

Well, they're not real people.

They're just cheap labor for the freak show.

Only an attorney as brilliant as Mr.

Cifuentes... could lend such plausibility to an argument so devoid of

That stuff about throwing blacks or bowling Hispanics, it's a gifted analogy

totally misplaced.

We have civil rights laws that would prohibit nigger -tossing or spick

but there is no such legislation that applies to dwarfs.

And Mr Sifuentes also very wisely omitted the safety argument in his

Undoubtedly because he knows how ridiculous it is.

Not one dwarf has been hurt in my client's bar.

And the sport is certainly far less dangerous than football or boxing or

American pastimes we embrace so willingly.

No, their whole case comes down to the premise that dwarf tossing is cruel and

depraved. This despite the fact that no tossed dwarf has ever come forward with

a complaint.

Rather, it is the tall, enlightened people who find it so offensive.

And therein, ladies and gentlemen, lies my complaint.

The prejudice can be found in the assumption that little people need

that little people are not competent to make the choices. We don't know what to

do, so you're prescribed for us what we should do.

I am an attorney.

I became an attorney because I wanted to and because it is my right. It is also

my right to become a human projectile if I wanted to.

And if you limit that right in my best interests, you limit my freedom to make

the choice.

You erode my autonomy.

You demean my individuality. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a far greater

detriment to self -esteem than being thrown around in some bar.

Now, whatever you do, when you go back into that jewellery room, don't you dare

feel sorry for us.

Take it from me, we'll take your ridicule over your pity any time.

Hi.

What's up?

I can't do it.

All right.

My firm is worried about the effect on some of their other clients, and they

told me I can't take the case.

If you can't, you can't.

We're a small firm, and I guess they feel that we can't afford to be

quite so much with the issue.

What about you?

I am a partner. I have to abide by their decision.

Well, what I mean is, can you afford to be identified with the issue?

Connie, if it were up to me, I'd take the case.

I guess it just didn't occur to me that it wasn't up to you.

There's no reason that it should have.

You didn't know that I'd turned into just another meek, aging yuppie who

good game and in the end does what she's told.

I don't think of you as meek, and I don't think of you as a yuppie.

And I certainly don't think of you as aging.

Well, I know you're wrong about the last one.

Ann, you're my friend.

That hasn't changed, okay?

Okay.

Anyway, you should probably be thinking about that little one inside you.

Abby, come here. Look.

Look at this.

These are the guys my client matched up with a plaintiff.

Hey, come on. They're not so bad. Are they all living?

I'm going to use this as an exhibit, too.

Which reminds me. Rox.

Yeah, I need you to notify court and opposing counsel about our new exhibit.

I'll get right on it. Great.

She is great.

Stuart, can I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah.

You're filing way too many motions and sending too many letters to counsel.

What do you mean?

What, did Rox complain or something?

No. No, Roxanne didn't complain. It's just I've seen what she's been doing the

last few days.

Stuart, this is not a big case.

In fact, this is a very small case.

And when the other side sees you making such a big deal out of it, they're going

to think you don't have anything better to do.

They're going to read you as inexperienced. They won't be quick to

The judge will also read you as inexperienced. And when the jury sees

won't carry as much weight with them.

Take it from me, former victim.

I was just being thorough.

You're being too thorough.

Prepare your case, yeah.

But if you're too over -anxious, everybody's going to smell a novice.

Sounds like you're ready, Stuart.

Oh, I can't wait.

Mr.

Foreman, has the jury reached a verdict?

We have, Your Honor.

What say you?

In the matter of Stevens et al. v. Riley's Pub...

we find that the complained of activities do not rise to the level of

and therefore return in favor of the defendant.

Oh, baby.

Do we get to keep doing this?

I'm afraid so.

I've listened to the testimony of Philip Holden.

I've listened to it carefully to warrant my setting aside the jury's verdict and

ordering a new trial.

Mr. Holden needed to be credible.

He wasn't even close.

He waited long enough before coming forward with his purported new

so as to seriously call into question his motives for coming forward at all.

He's a long -time drug addict, and he's been a judge totally unreliable in the

past. I've seen nothing here to cause me to think that he's changed.

Accordingly, your motion for a new trial is denied, Mr. Cusack. The jury's

verdict stands.

Court dismissed.

Your Honor, I don't... Put it in your appellate brief, sir. I'm not hearing

oral argument now.

Your Honor, what do I have to do to make you see?

Will you get out of my chambers?

I am watching a man get ground up in this great system of ours because no one

willing to believe that maybe, maybe things are not what they seem.

Your being here constitutes ex parte communication.

I don't care what it constitutes. I'm tired of having my witnesses dismissed

liars. Mr. Kuthak, I'll tell you one more time. Okay, what am I supposed to

my client?

Phil Holden wasn't respectable enough so you can kiss this life goodbye?

Will you send a court officer in, please?

Just what is number one on your list?

Getting at the truth or getting things done?

You're in contempt, sir. You're damn right I am in contempt.

I am staring at someone who would send a man to his death so she can clear off

her desk, and I am positively in contempt.

Gene, I'd like Mr. Cusack here placed under arrest. Let him cool off an hour

so behind bars.

Aren't you tough?

Law and order, Uber Alice.

A few innocent ones get caught in the net. That's just the price we have to

right? Get him out of here, Gene. I don't have time for this.

Aren't you tough?

What now, Michael?

You sure look like a trial lawyer.

Yeah, well, that's half of it, I'm told.

Right.

Come on.

Let's go. We have an 8 .30 reservation.

Stuart, did you ever think what it would be like to run our own little peanut

stand? What do you mean?

I mean, instead of Mackenzie Brackman, Kelsey Ann Markowitz.

How come your name comes first?

Alphabetical. Yeah, right.

Really, though, you could be the kind of lawyer you want to be, and I could be

the kind of lawyer I want to be.

Sounds great. The question is, could we earn a living?

I don't know, but it just strikes me that we only have a certain number of

productive years, and I don't think I want to spend them all toiling in

else's vineyard.

Well, I don't guess there's any reason you have to I

Don't know about this place Stuart I really don't

As

soon as I saw their faces I knew. I knew I was beat.

What's the point? How many times have I told you? You're much too tall.

You should cut his legs off so he can go into practice.

Hamilton, that's sick.

I'm going to the little girl's room. Why don't you two wrap up the shop talk so

we can have a decent conversation when I get back? Okay. Will do.

She's terrific.

She's absolutely contagious, isn't she? Yeah.

So is there something serious going on here?

Well, I wouldn't mind, but I've only known her an hour and a half.

What are you talking about? You just met her?

She's a cool girl.

Oh.

Are you shocked? I'm not shocked. I'm not.

Maybe surprised.

Why? Because she's so lanky?

Forget about dwarf hookers, Victor.

They're much too expensive.

Anyway, there's only about three in the whole world.

See, there you go.

You're always deflecting everything.

Oh, come on. Don't start playing shrink with me.

Do you have a family, Hamilton?

What's that got to do with anything? I don't know.

Do you love anybody?

What the hell kind of question is this?

They're just questions.

Have you ever loved somebody?

Are you going to make a pass at me?

No.

Seriously.

Have you?

Yeah. I loved a woman once, six years ago. I let myself fall in love.

What happened?

Well, the same as happens in most relationships, I guess. One day you wake

and the passion's gone. You discover you don't really know each other anymore.

And then she gets embarrassed to be with a man who's only 3 foot

11 tall.

I know what feelings are about, Victor.

Still, I win my cases, I get rich, I surround myself with luxury, I go out

beautiful women. I've got no complaints.

Sorry I took so long.

What happened to you? I was expecting a ransom note.

Isn't he adorable?

I was born that way. What can I say?

I'm having such a good time.

Of course you are. Life is good.

Life is great.

Here's to happiness.

To happiness.