Original subtitles

["We R The Heroes" playing]

-♪ We're the heroes ♪ -♪ We are not cool ♪

-♪ We're the heroes ♪ -♪ We are too young ♪

-♪ Here we go ♪ -♪ Nobody wants us ♪

♪ It's time to break the way you are ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Everybody says we're ugly ♪

♪ Everybody says we're tiny and shabby ♪

♪ But nobody knows We have huge passion and guts ♪

♪ And fiery heart ♪

♪ We know who we are And where we're going ♪

♪ It's time for us ♪

♪ It's time to rush ♪

-♪ We're the heroes ♪ -♪ We are not cool ♪

-♪ We're the heroes ♪ -♪ We are too young ♪

-♪ Here we go ♪ -♪ Nobody wants us ♪

♪ It's time to break the way you are ♪

[music ends]

-[Dirk-O] I heard you say… -[Nick grunting]

…that he was your friend from the video.

So, call this jerk friend of yours

-and make her bring me the comic book. -Huh?

Do that, then I'll let you go.

Easy as pie.

Which friend? I happen to be very popular.

The whole world is my BFF.

Also, your basement is disgusting.

Look at this place. It's a mess.

[sighs] Enough!

Call him now.

[groans] For the last time, I don't know!

Well, maybe I may not be able to get you to talk,

but my friend can.

Isn't that right, Mummy Girl?

I am the daughter of the almighty Pharaoh.

I can make anybody talk.

Now, come on, lady. Let's not do anything too…

[chokes] …hasty.

[wailing]

You gotta call Nick and make up.

[cries]

He's your best friend.

[sighs] Hmm.

Only best friends ride the Toaster Coaster together.

Everybody knows that!

[sobbing]

Nick is officially my ex-best friend.

You heard what he said to me.

[sobs, stammers] But he didn't mean it.

He just thought you could be a hero.

Well, I'm not.

And if that's the way you think, maybe you should just-- [stammers]

-[whimpers] -Crying Man, return.

[sighs]

Hmm.

So, you still won't talk?

[chuckles]

I already said no!

I feel like we're going in circles.

-[shouting, grunting] -[Mummy Girl chuckles]

[gags] I might puke.

Darn it, this isn't working.

And if he hurls chunks down here, Mom's gonna make me clean it up.

It's time for plan B.

[yelps] This is the exact same plan!

[grunts]

Yeah, but I put a tarp on the floor, so if you barf, it'll be easy to clean.

[Mummy Girl, Dirk-O laughing]

["You Are My Best Friend" playing]

[customers chattering]

[customer 1] Dude, you're my best friend. Thanks for coming shopping with me.

Hey now, best friends stick together no matter what.

-[exclaims] -I'd like to order one best friend burger

for my best friend.

[both] Besties!

[Mike sighs]

[whimpers]

Okay, I get it. Geez.

Huh? [groans]

Probably something dumb.

[sighs]

This video is for the other comic book fan.

Bring your Crying Man comic to the following address,

and no harm will come to me.

Also-- [scoffs]

Dude, I can't even read this.

[Dirk-O] It says, "Tell no one."

You're posting this online. You're telling everyone.

[Dirk-O] No, just shut up. That's it. Video over.

Help me!

[gasps] Hmm.

[rock music playing]

[music ends]

Oh, Dirk has lots of friends coming over today.

-Come in. -[chuckles]

Okay, now it's starting to hurt. [groaning]

Oh, my sincerest apologies,

but you truly and utterly leave me no choice.

[groans]

-[Mike] Stop right there! -[both gasp]

[grunts, stammers]

[grunting] Hmm.

Hmm.

[Mike] He's got a hero too?

[exclaims] You're wearing the costume.

Looking… [winces]

…fly.

-This? This guy is your friend? [chuckles] -[groans]

What do they call you? Weird Spandex Boy? [chuckles]

I mean, they call me, uh, a very superhero name.

One that strikes fear into the, uh, brains of evildoers everywhere.

[sighs]

And that name is

Super Awesome Man.

Super Awesome Man?

Oh, cool name. I haven't heard of you.

That's your problem.

-Now, let my friend-- -[Nick] Business manager.

My friend and business manager go.

Well, Mr. Super Awesome Man,

I have an offer that you cannot refuse.

Behold, the pamphlet.

"The Council of Comics"?

"Skull Crusher"?

"King Blockbuster"?

"Hot Button 81"?

We're a group of comic book fans like you, putting our heroes to work for us.

Sorry, but I work alone.

I mean, I only work with my business manager.

Just the two of us.

Now, let him go.

Really?

Then that's too bad.

Mummy Girl, attack!

[grunts]

Crying Man!

["Cry for You" playing]

[music ends]

-[sighs] -Ooh. [chuckles]

-[gasps] -Ah! You're okay.

I was so worried about you, but Mike w--

[clears throat] Uh, secret identities.

Oh. [chuckles] I see.

Very clever.

And, you know, nothing ever gets past me.

-[Mummy Girl grunts] -[shouts, groans]

-[Mummy Girl grunts] -[grunting]

I love a good superhero fight. [screams]

Like this?

[Crying Man groans] Nope.

-I mean, Tear Blast. -Huh?

[grunting] Not in the face!

[gasps, chuckles]

Crying Man, eh?

Mummy Girl, give him a tissue.

Bandage Mace!

[grunts]

Hmm. Oh!

Careful! You're breaking my stuff.

-[groans] -[Mummy Girl grunts]

[whimpers, yelps]

[shouts, grunts]

Oh, man. The most awesome fight I've ever seen, and nobody is filming it.

-Where's my phone? -[superheroes grunting]

Don't worry. I got this.

Dude, you're wearing my costume.

Oh, this is so great. I knew you loved it.

A-And also, about the dad thing--

-That's fine. Let's get out of here. -Mmm.

[both] Huh?

This is a one-of-a-kind collectible,

and you made me take it out of the box!

-[grunts] -[gasps]

Tear Split!

[Mummy Girl pants, shouts]

Such an annoying crybaby. [grunts]

[whimpering, grunting]

-Crying Man, use Tsunami Tears. -[Dirk-O] Get over here!

[grunts] I can't. I don't have enough sadness.

-I'm so glad that you guys made up. -[shouts, distorted]

[exclaims, normal] Curse our wonderful friendship.

-[Dirk-O grunting] -[gasps]

Give me that book.

-Huh? -[groans]

-Mike, the action figure. -Huh?

-Glass Jaw Gary. -Oh.

Don't you dare!

That's not fair! [grunting]

Surrender or say adios to Glass Jaw Gary.

Stop it!

Do you know how much he's worth?

Give him to me!

-[grunts] -[Dirk-O shouts]

No. [panting]

[Crying Man] Huh?

[echoes] Gary!

[groans, sighs]

-[Mummy Girl] Huh? -[Crying Man gasps]

[Dirk-O laughing]

Yes! I caught it. I--

Who wants lemon squares?

Huh? No! [sobbing]

No!

[groans]

-Oh? [exclaims] -You!

Why do you always have to ruin everything?

-Look what you did! -[gasps]

[whimpers, cries]

[grunting]

[whimpers]

Precious lemon squares baked by Mom.

-Crying Man, be careful. -[whistling]

It looks like you're about to--

Why, you worthless, lazy, good-for-nothing son!

[whistling]

[groans]

You did it, dude.

You did it!

[screams]

I tried to be nice. I tried to be cool.

Mummy Girl, end this!

With pleasure.

[groans]

Crying Man. Crying Man. Where are you? I need you.

Crying Man!

He's out of power, you fool.

You can't call him right away.

As you say, "Adios."

[shouts]

[stammering]

-[grunts] -Black Knight.

["Black Knight" playing]

Huh?

[music ends]

Oh, guess I changed teams.

I mean, I can do that because I'm so cool and moody.

What are you doing? That's my comic book.

[grunts] Sorry, Dorko. I just read it.

-Hey, there. -[Mummy Girl] Huh?

How'd you like to spend some time with a real hero?

[grunts]

-Love to. -[Black Knight] Hmm?

Let me know when one shows up. [grunts]

[Black Knight] Ouch.

["Mummy Girl" playing]

Gross. So very gross.

Owl Wing!

Huh? [groans, winces]

You owl creep.

Enough playing around.

Mummy Girl, Comicalize: Jewel of the Nile attack!

Jewel of the Nile!

[grunts]

[strains]

[strains, grunts]

[strains, screams]

[groans]

[groans] This is no match for someone as buff and cool as me.

Right, Mr. Weird Spandex Boy?

-[sighs] Yeah, uh-- Hang on. -[Black Knight groans]

Comicalize: Night Fall!

Night Fall! [groans]

[screeches]

["Black Knight" playing]

[hooting]

[hoots]

[Mummy Girl shouting]

No! My bandages.

[music ends]

[groans]

[Black Knight grunts]

[Mike sighs]

-[blows] -[groans]

[chuckles]

[both straining]

Is Dirk-O okay?

His hero went back into the book.

He should be down for a few.

-Let's go home. -Mm-hmm.

Yeah, but first, some reading for later.

[chuckles]

You know, despite all that torture,

I think Mummy Girl was starting to like me.

[Mike] Sure she was, Nick.

[whimpers]

[screams, groans]

[groans, yelps]

I think it's time you moved into your own place.

[groans]

[mumbles] Huh?

[stammers]

[shouts, groans]

[grunting]

[chuckles]

To be continued.

["Teenage Dreaming" playing]

♪ 7:00 a.m. It's morning ♪

♪ Gotta get up and ready ♪

♪ No time to eat my breakfast The bus is here already ♪

♪ No time for fun and play Just gotta get through the day ♪

♪ But then I see you And the way seems brighter ♪

♪ La la la la ♪

♪ La la la la ♪

♪ We don't need to grow up oh so fast ♪

♪ Our life has just begun And our worry's passed ♪

♪ My chin is rough and scratchy Voice is getting low and cracky ♪

♪ Friends wanna hang and party Mom and Dad said I'll be sorry ♪

♪ When did I get so cranky? And what is all this acne? ♪

♪ But then you smile And it all makes sense ♪

♪ La la la la ♪

♪ La la la la ♪

♪ We don't need to grow up oh so fast ♪

♪ Our life has just begun And our worry's passed ♪

♪ So don't you worry about the future ♪

♪ No need to hurry ♪

♪ There's nothing wrong or bad With being unsure ♪

♪ So don't you worry about the future ♪

♪ You're perfect Being just the way you are ♪

♪ Do you think that she likes me? I don't have the guts to ask her ♪

♪ Feel like the frog from stories Oh, every day I see her ♪

♪ Can life go back to normal? I don't really know the answer ♪

♪ This isn't like the love From romance movies ♪

♪ Teenage dreaming ♪

♪ Teenage dreaming ♪

♪ We don't need to grow up oh so fast ♪

♪ Our life has just begun And our worry's passed ♪

♪ Even when we're old We'll just look back ♪

♪ We'll miss our teenage dreams And miss the past ♪

[music ends]