Original subtitles

DISCLAIMER: THIS FILM HAS ABSOLUTELY NO RELATION TO JAMES BOND 007.

ANY SIMILARITY IS COINCIDENTAL.

PEOPLE'S LIBERATION ARMY SHENYANG MILITARY REGION AIR FORCE BASE

Open the gate!

EXTRA STRONG PHALLUS PILLS

NO FIRE ZONE SIXTH WAREHOUSE OF EASTERN REGION

TO HAVE DISCIPLINE IS TO HAVE CIVILITY

ESTABLISH A MODERN MILITARY

Open the container.

The look on your face!

A fuss over nothing...

Where's the skull?! Huh?!

Tell me!

Don't just stand there! Find it!

- Get a move on! Go! - Yes, Sir!

HEXING SINO-FOREIGN CONTAINER WAREHOUSE

HAPPILY GO TO WORK FOR THE COUNTRY TO MERRILY COME

Little more! Slowly! Easy, easy...!

Be careful, alright?!

Little more! Slowly.

Move the dinosaur skull to the other container.

- We set out at once! - Understood!

Double-Oh Too calling HQ. Do you copy?

Double-Oh Too, are you alright?

Dinosaur skull is intact. All hostiles have been eliminated.

- Report your location. - Location is the Taiyuan area.

Aren't you a brave one, killing so many of my men?

You want to kill me with that toy gun of yours?

Boy... let me show you a real gun!

Oh, dear! I wasted a bullet.

If you have anything else up your sleeve, now's the time!

Double Oh-Too, you alright?! Double Oh-Too, do you copy?!

- I've been ambushed! - By who?!

Don't know! He's in a suit of impenetrable armour!

He also has a gold gun!

I've never seen such firepower!

Send backup now! Send back--

Double-Oh Too?! Double Oh-Too?! What happened?!

Double-Oh Too, do you copy?! Double-Oh Too?!

Premier, regarding the dinosaur skull, there are currently no major leads.

However, this ministry's top spies are pretty much all dead already,

so the investigation is proving somewhat difficult.

The skull is a grade-one national treasure!

Get it back no matter what!

Yes, Premier! I spare no effort to retrieve our national treasure!

- Get it back! - Yes, Sir!

- Guards? - Sir?

What are those?

Reporting! These old documents are over ten years old.

They're being destroyed.

- Hold on. - Yes, Sir!

MINISTRY OF STATE SECURITY AGENT FILE 007

Why is an agent's personnel file here?

He is mentally and physically deficient, a reserve agent.

No!

He's the descendent of a martyr. Sound politics, absolutely reliable.

Very well. Let's send him in.

NAME: DOUBLE-OH SEVIN HUKOU NUMBER: AK47007

RESERVE

CHARLES HEUNG & JIMMY HEUNG presents

Associate Producer: JIMMY LAW

Production Supervisor: SHIRLEY LAU

Art Director: JASON MOK Costume Designer: SHIRLEY CHAN

Production Manager: CONNIE WONG Music: WU WAI-LAP

Action Director: POON KIN-KWAN Cinematography: LEE KIN-KEUNG

Screenplay: ROMAN CHEUNG, VINCENT KOK, LEE LIK-CHI, STEPHEN CHOW

Starring: STEPHEN CHOW, ANITA YUEN

Co-starring: WONG KAM-KONG, LAW KAR-YING, JOE CHENG

Guest Starring: PAULINE CHAN

Director: LEE LIK-CHI, STEPHEN CHOW

FROM BEIJING WITH LOVE

You thought you could hide here and I wouldn't find you? It's pointless!

No matter where you are,

a man as remarkable as you will be as a firefly in darkest black,

so dazzling, so brilliant.

Your melancholy gaze...

sorrowful stubble...

magnificent skills with a blade...

and glass of dry Martini...

all betray your true self.

However, as remarkable as you may be, ultimately, rules are rules.

No matter what... you need to settle last night's bill.

Whores aren't free!

And here I thought our relationship was built on emotions.

To think... it was only business.

You still need to pay for emotions!

I understand. If I had any money, I'd have paid you.

People have been going vegetarian lately. Business is slow. How about this?

Take some pork as collateral for now.

C'mon, it'll make do. Thanks.

You're a real piece of work! You'll get yours!

If you're interested, how about getting some tonight?

Your loss.

What?! The pork bloke won't pay?! I'll get some guys to beat him!

Forget it. After all...

he's a one of a kind, graceful and dapper pork bloke.

'I have strength to pluck mountains, my mettle consumes all'!

'But, alas, in such hard times, Piebald's gallop now a crawl'!

Sevin.

Vinci!

I do hope you'll address me by my full name: Da Vinci.

No problem, Vinci.

- Thank you! You're welcome, Vinci!

Your country finally has a mission for you.

Really...?

So they finally need me, huh?!

How are you, Rose?

It's been ten years, but you're still so beautiful.

I'm not Rose from ten years ago.

She passed away last year.

I'm her daughter Azalea.

Such a big girl already!

Come! Let Uncle give you a hug!

Not now! The commander's been waiting for you.

Go inside first.

- Sure. Uncle will be right back. - Okay.

Boil some soup with the pork liver.

Good for circulation.

It's been too long since you've been back! You forgot about the glass door.

Commander!

- Double-Oh Sevin, you're here? - I am.

There's no smoking!

Weapons aren't allowed!

Uh-uh! Sorry. A swordsman never parts from his blade.

Leave it.

'Swordsman'?

- I thought my country forgot about me. - Of course not!

Even a piece of toilet paper or a pair of underwear has its uses.

A perfect analogy.

I'm already prepared to take on any task.

Good!

As the saying goes:

'Raise an army for a thousand days, deploy it for but an hour.'

We recently discovered the world's largest dinosaur fossil.

However, the skull has gone missing.

The identity of the thief is indeed a mystery.

Uh... All we know is he uses an all-powerful gold gun,

and wears a suit of impenetrable armour.

Given this is a priceless national treasure,

we suspect Hong Kong's Smuggler King Lai Yau-Wai is involved,

so we're sending you to investigate.

So have you seen Jurassic Pork?

- No. I've seen Jurassic Park. - Right, 'Park'...

Is our dinosaur the sneaking around one or the raahh one?

It's the raahh one.

Hey, that one's cruel and bites kiddies.

- No...! The Chinese one would never! - That's true...

We called in your quartermaster from ten years ago to act as your support.

Oi, Vinci?!

Commander... it's Da Vinci.

Vinci! How've you been, Vinci?!

I've recently invented some new things. I believe they'll be of use to you.

A torch?

Wrong! This is no ordinary torch.

This is the batteryless Solar Torch.

When there's a light source, it will light up.

So if there's no light...

It absolutely will not light up!

- Can it light up when it's dark? - Good question! Turn off the lights.

Yes, Sir!

Simply take out another torch to shine on it...

and it will light up.

See?

What did I tell ya...?!

- Turn on the lights. - Yes, Sir!

This is a pretty creative invention, huh?

Now, everyone look at that guard over there.

I'll pretend he's the Man with the Golden Gun.

This is the Superspy Stool.

It's used for sitting for long periods while observing the enemy.

You scared yet?

See? He's scared, right? What did I tell ya...?!

- This is a pretty awesome invention. - Not bad.

I'm also researching how to combine ten deadly weapons into one:

the Super Weaponator!

- If I can crack it-- - Uh... Vinci?

We can continue this in my office.

Sevin, so have you been a butcher these past ten years?

A sorrowful butcher to be exact.

Have I not been an ill-fated greengrocer?

Luckily, I'm engaged in research part time at the Central Psychiatric Institute.

- What does that involve? - Being researched on.

Not bad.

Double-Oh Sevin, you must remember:

the dinosaur skull represents the dignity of our country!

It cannot end up in the hands of foreigners.

During your investigation, protect your identity at all costs.

The Man with the Golden Gun's identity is extremely mysterious.

What's more, he's heartless and ruthless! Your life will be in peril at all times.

Double-Oh Sevin, any questions?

- Can I sit this one out? - No!

You'll be setting off early tomorrow.

Someone will make contact in Hong Kong.

Yes, Sir.

- Is there anything else? - No.

I'm personally sponsoring you 200 Yuan.

Buy some nice clothes for the trip. Don't have our country lose face!

Vinci?

Get me a milk tea. Don't forget the change.

- Yes, Sir. - Vinci, Commander...

This time, I'll bring glory to our country.

Well said, good comrade!

- Good comrade, well said! - Yes!

Are you insane?!

You sent a butcher to find a dinosaur?

He used to be a fine agent.

Fine my arse!

You think I'm stupid?

He hasn't worked in ages! Who knows if he can still fire a gun.

Commander Chen, you can rest assured!

If I sent him in, I know the score.

You certainly know the score.

Only you know what's going on in that head of yours.

I reckon since the dinosaur bones were stolen in Shenyang,

this should be dealt with by us Northerners.

After all is said and done, you just don't trust me!

That's right! I don't trust you.

I've sent my own people to investigate.

I'll definitely catch whoever stole the skull.

Then there's nothing for us to discuss.

Our guest is leaving. Please.

This man has now vanished from the face of the earth!

Head to Hong Kong at once.

Give these files to a man named Double-Oh Sevin.

Find a chance and dispose of him!

MOONRAKER

CRASH COURSE IN SOCIAL ENGLISH

PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA: SPY HANDBOOK 1965

HAVE IDEALS, HAVE CULTURE, HAVE ORDER

Right! Yes, well... I have a room booking.

May I have your name, please?

My name is Ling Ling Chat.

I do apologise. I can't find your name.

What? Is that so?

Please take another look.

Oh! I'm sorry. You haven't booked the Regent Hotel.

You've booked the Regent Motel.

Shit!

Boss, since you're so cool, wearing a hat and stuff,

it'll be 70 for the room.

Check out before 12 every day, alright?

Oi?

It's more fun with 3D specs.

Really?

Well? How was it?

- Fine. Not really my bag, though. - Then do you want a whore?

Sure. How's the quality?

Northern belle or local hire. Full service, 150 bucks.

- Let's try a local hire. - Sure.

- Missus, what are you doing? - Taking your trousers off.

- How come? - You want local, right?

I'm famous around here.

MIDDAY. MEET AT THE TRIANGLE PARK. SIGN IS A RED ROSE.

So it's you?

Well? You weren't followed, were you?

Food's here! Food's here! C'mon now!

Time to eat...!

C'mon...

Eat up!

Hong Kong's full of pretty girls.

I can tell you're kind-hearted.

You regularly feed the dogs, don't you?

- Oh? You like to paint? - Yes, what about you?

Not particularly.

I slaughter pigs.

What song?

'Lee Heung-Lan'.

Oh, Jacky Cheung's 'Lee Heung-Lan'. I know it, but I'm not familiar.

- I'm more familiar with Lee Heung-Kam. - Really?

My name is Lee Heung-Kam!

You're Lee Heung-Kam?

Yeah! I'm Lee Heung-Kam.

You're Lee Heung-Kam...

Then Lee Heung-Lan must be your mum.

Yeah! Lee Heung-Lan really is my mum!

Lee Heung-Lan is your mum...

- Do you smoke? - I don't.

Come out.

Come out!

You don't smoke but there's a cigarette butt.

The cabinet door's also ajar. Clearly, a third person's hiding inside!

Stay back, it's dangerous.

Come out...!

Do you smoke Kents?

Hello, how'd you know?

You dropped the cigarette butt yourself.

C'mon, put your shoe back on.

After such a long journey, I can't deny I am a bit on edge.

But I can unashamedly say that I'm a superb secret agent.

Give me back my slipper first.

Here.

Having accepted my country's mission, I did come prepared.

Here... Take the Model F40, for example.

On appearances, it's a brick phone.

However, see this platinum mesh here?

Truth is...

it's actually an electric shaver.

This is so we can conveniently shave at parties without arousing suspicion.

On appearances, the Model 911 is an electric shaver. Truth is...

it's actually a hairdryer.

Do you need so many hairdryers?!

A hairdryer is only what it is on the surface. Truth is...

it's actually an electric shaver.

How do you like them apples?

No wonder you're so handsome!

Don't say it like that.

If you lost your hairdryer, who knows how you'd cope, huh?

That's no obstacle for me. My reputation's no joke.

Actually, these shoes I'm wearing...

they're also hairdryers.

As you know, as a secret agent, appearances are everything.

Ouch! Excuse me...

You wouldn't have two AAs, would you?

Batteries just went dead.

No.

Forget it, it's fine. I'll take care of it later.

What I really wanna know is what gun does a superb spy like you use.

Can you show me?

I'm not embarrassed to admit this, but guns aren't really my forte.

My expertise is the flying dagger.

'Flying dagger'?

That's right.

'Flying' as in 'flying dagger'.

'Dagger' as in 'flying dagger'.

Amazing.

- Pretty much-- - I got it!

Let's get back on track.

As a spy, you need to have some knowledge of firearms.

This is a UFO Rifle, suitable for long-range sniping.

Range is 200 metres.

This is called the 224 Li'l Spittoon, my own custom ammunition.

I love the name.

- .357 Magnum revolver. - So cool.

Even comes with incendiary bullets.

Can this take out a dinosaur?

We'll have to shoot one to find out.

Chinese-produced PPK, standard issue for Mainland spies.

Range is 120 metres.

Its drawback is how loud it is, but use it with this silencer

and you can kill without a sound.

These silencers... I wonder what they stuff 'em with.

I think... it's cotton maybe?

Just cheap cotton?!

Wonder if toilet paper works, then.

You sure are handsome for a sucker!

I can't see anything in there...

Neat little thing.

Wonder if it fits this one.

Turns out it does fit mine!

Can I test it out?

Sure, how do you wanna test it?

It's pouring down... Why don't I shut the windows first?

- What happened? Whoa, you've been shot! - I... was testing the gun...

This is a reverse gun. It shoots in reverse!

- Why didn't you say so?! - The blood keeps spurting out... Hold on.

- What happened?! - I was testing the gun.

Got you again? Why didn't you ask first?!

This gun's name is Tricky Dick.

After shooting backwards, it shoots forwards. It alternates...!

Why didn't you say so?

The blood keeps spurting out. Here, stick a bandage on it. C'mon.

Kam... why are you all sweaty?

I was taking a bath.

Where's Double-Oh Sevin?

Still here. But don't worry! I'll complete my mission soon.

Don't take action yet. Our plans have changed.

Kill him when you get to Lai Yau-Wai's house.

This way we can pin it on Lai.

We'll also be completely free of suspicion.

Wait one more day.

Wait another day?!

Hmm? Why are you covered in blood?!

No, I was brushing my teeth. Bleeding gums.

What are you using for a toothbrush? A broom?!

How are you?

Hi, Double-Oh Sevin!

Commander! I'm so happy I can even see you in the shitter!

Well? How are you two getting along?

Good. Kam's a nice person and doesn't put on airs.

Perfect as a friend.

Kam? What do you think of me?

You're handsome and that's about it.

There's more. You'll find out.

I hope you complete your mission soon.

- Yes, Sir. - Understood.

Kam? Here's your gun back.

Thanks.

Hold still. Allow me.

Save the Band-Aid for yourself! I'm fine. Thank you.

Hear me out.

Don't go randomly testing guns from now on.

I like testing guns. That a problem?!

- Waiter? - Yes?

Aren't you famous for your tofu pudding?

- That's right. - It stinks.

It's famous for being stinky.

Then can you please bring me something famous for being delicious?

- Still tofu pudding. - Seriously?

Yeah.

Eat it as you would stinky tofu, the feeling will be immaculate.

- Bring me some fried ones, then. - Sure.

Hong Kong shopping centres have it all, huh?

Yeah...

Are your gunshot wounds alright?

They're only flesh wounds.

Don't go randomly testing guns anymore.

Should've studied the blade under you!

I wouldn't dare to teach...!

I will tell you this, though.

The true way of the blade doesn't use the hands.

Guess what it does use.

It uses qi, the life force.

As they say, 'Command the blade as qi does'.

At the highest level, nothing on this mortal realm can't be cleaved in two.

I'll prove it with a table knife.

Hey, it's fine! Just eat.

Kam... from the look on your face, you're not still mad at me, are you?

Don't be silly! How could I not be mad at you?

I'm so mad at you!

That can't be right. How mad are we talking here?

So mad I could shoot you right now.

- Kiddo! What's all this?! - Calm down! Calm down...!

Can't you tell I'm an artist?

I'm on the hunt for themes of love.

The way you looked just now, lovers bathing in the river of love.

I couldn't control myself and took a photo.

I hope you don't mind.

That photo's a present from me, yeah?

I'll keep this one. Thanks, you two.

How could we possibly accept?!

No, thank you. You keep it.

Mister?

This be your phlegm?

Oh, yes, yes! That's right. Is there a problem?

Oh, no...!

Just wanted to know for meself.

From your accent, it seems you hail from Hunan.

Aye!

We're fellow townsfolk, then! Where in Hunan?

- Caotou Township, Dongting Lake. - Me, too!

- You coddlin' me?! Which village? - Shangyang Village.

Eh...? We're from there, too!

- Oh, wow! - Fellow countrymen in a foreign land!

Excuse me. Thanks.

Y'know how they kept that barking dog at the gates...?

That was my dog! One day it suddenly went missin'.

Turns out someone killed and ate it.

Its bones were just strewn about the village gates.

What a bleedin' tragedy...

I think you couldn't have done such a brutal act, am I right?

Uh... No, no...

Huh? Why've you gone all red?

I'm not red! Not red...

- Why the awkward laugh? - Not awkward...!

- I suspect it was you, though. - No, no...

- Huh, it really wasn't you?! - No...!

- You really didn't do it?! - Really...!

- It wasn't you?! Was it you?! - It wasn't...!

- I can't thank you enough. - Ah, don't mention it!

What's a meal or two? Why so formal? Eh?

Don't be so formal!

When all's said and done, us Hunanese won't be made the fool! Eh?

The day will come when we return home victorious!

I'll leave you to it, then.

If someday our paths cross again, breakfast will be on me.

Goodbye.

Oi... don't go!

How's this for an idea?

My mates are pickin' up some bits and bobs next door.

When they're back, we'll have a wander!

- No, thanks. We're busy-- - It's fine!

How often does this happen? Stay and chat.

- I need the restroom anyway. - That works, too!

Shush! I won't say it again.

Ya catch that?

Ah, for a Hunanese, aren't you a handsome fella?!

It's obvious you pride yourself in your appearance.

Geez, you're more handsome without the hat...

You shouldn't wear hats so much from now on.

I used to wear hats, too.

Then I was told hats make the hair stuffy, you'll easily go bald.

They're just grabbin' a few things... What's takin' so long?

Sonny!

What's the matter, sonny?! Huh? You're mad at Daddy?

You're always teasing Daddy. Daddy can't tease you once?!

- Okay, Daddy will buy popcorn. - Really?! Yay!

- Get going! Take that! - Geez, at it again, you brat?!

Let's go.

It hurts...!

I told you to shush.

Oh, they're back.

One punch, take that!

Take that!

Two punches, take that!

Police! Freeze...!

Don't move!

We're fellow townsfolk so stick it out with me!

- Don't come any closer! - Motherfucker!

Buddy, you alright?!

Calling Console! Calling Console! Send an ambulance.

A lot of wounded here! Windsor House, fourth floor. Over!

Back off!

Everyone back off!

Stay back!

Stay back or I'll shoot ya!

- Stay back or I'll shoot ya! - Back off!

- Stay back! - That's right! Back off!

- Takky! Takky?! - Stay back...!

- Get back! - I'm begging you...

Back off now!

- Give me back my son, please...! - Back off!

He's my only son...

- I told ya to back off! - He can't die! Give me back my son...

Give me back my son and I'll go away!

I'm begging you...

- Give his son back. - Shut up...!

- Waste him! - My son!

Keep an eye on him! We already have the place under control!

Hold still!

Let's go!

Xiong, leg it!

Xiong...?! Leg it...!

Xiong...?!

- Get outta here! - Hurry!

Quickly!

They're coming down! Watch out!

Whoa... a circus act?

I thought I could keep my hands clean, have others wield the knife.

However... my plan failed.

Didn't I give you an order?!

When can you just do as you please?!

I know...

but I really want to know what kind of person Double-Oh Sevin is.

Shut your mouth!

What authority do you have to ask me that?

How is what kind of person he is any of your concern?!

Never forget. Your mother was a traitor.

Your father a running dog. Your grandfather a collaborator.

You are a traitorous running dog collaborator!

This is in your nature, it can't be changed!

If I hadn't taken you in back then,

you'd have faced the firing squad with them!

Your life belongs to me! You do whatever I tell you to do!

Is that clear?!

Kam...

I know sometimes your kindness can get the better of you.

You want to know what kind of person Double-Oh Sevin is?

A beast masquerading as a man!

There is no evil he has not already committed.

He raped pregnant women. Molested little girls.

Look how little the little girls were.

How pregnant the pregnant women were.

He defiled all of them.

You're not just doing this for me. You're doing this for the people!

- Any further questions? - No.

Good!

Then proceed as tomorrow planned. Make your move at Lai Yau-Wai's house.

Understood.

Everything alright with you?

- What is it? - Nothing...

You've been in here a while now.

I kept knocking but there was no reply, so I burst in to check it out.

Hey...? Taking a bath?

Yeah. I'm fine, please close the door.

Alright.

I can't believe what happened today...

I meant that you get out and close the door behind you.

Get out...!

What do you want?!

- Wanna do it? - Do what?!

- Funeral donation. - For who?!

- Takky's dad. - Who's Takky's dad?!

The innocent victim at the shopping centre today.

A funeral donation?

Can we ask the press to pass it onto the family?

Probably!

'From anonymous' or 'From the concerned'?

Whatever!

We only met by chance and aren't close. 500 each ought to be enough, yeah?

Your call!

- Can you pay my 500 for me? - You for real...?!

I'll get 500 bucks for this mission.

- I'll pay you back. - Huh...?!

Don't sweat it! I won't skimp on a funeral donation.

CAUTION

Alright! Lower it!

Over here, over here.

Easy now! Little more!

These are high-purity explosives.

Have them guarded around the clock.

Yes, Sir!

SEIZE REVOLUTION

Lai Yau-Wai specialises in smuggling artefacts.

He's likely involved in the skull's disappearance.

This is him, hand on his hip.

You'll have to play it by ear. Any questions?

Yeah...

Is your mother really Lee Heung-Lan?

From what I understand, she was a traitor.

- Sorry, pretend I didn't say anything. - It's almost time. Let's go.

Kam? If we complete our mission tonight, I'll be on my way,

so can I get you anything as a parting gift?

- No, thanks. - I insist.

White roses.

Maybe I'll be getting you some.

If we have time later tonight,

why don't we explore Hong Kong's karaoke bars?

I'll keep in contact when you're inside.

You'd never guess, but when I sing, I sound exactly like Jacky Cheung.

See my Adam's apple vibrate?

Here's the key to the backdoor. Quickly, there's no time.

I'll sing you a song. I'll do your mum 'Lee Heung-Lan'.

Listen up! I'm not with you because I want to.

Don't mention Lee Heung-Lan to me. Don't sing to me!

I don't wanna hear your shit!

I really admire this love-hate personality of yours.

This key? I don't need it.

Beneath my feet is no ordinary briefcase.

It's the mightiest of briefcases: Samsomight.

It can send me both safely and gracefully inside Lai Yau-Wai's home.

Samsomight...!

Hmm?! Why are you here?! What are you doing?!

What am I doing? What are you doing?

Forgot to adjust the angle. That's why it just goes up and down.

It'll work now.

Samso...

The door's open. Go in.

Kam, my reputation's no joke--

- Wipe up the blood first. - Sure, that works, too.

Looks like the position's a bit off. I just need to readjust.

- Hey, can you not waste my time?! - It'll work. Give me another chance.

Samsomight...!

Dry Martini, thanks.

What are you gawking at? Bring me another one! Gawker...

Unbelievable... Let's just gawk...! Really...

Well, Sevin? What's the situation?

Dangerously stacked.

The guests look fierce as bazookas, but they're also warm as milk jugs.

You wouldn't believe me if I told you...

Sir, what would you like?

Uh... I'll help myself, thanks.

Mr Lai, telephone.

Hello?

Target sighted.

Alright, listen carefully. With the bones, you--

Listen up, I'll go through it one more time.

Sweat down the pork bones a bit first to render the fat.

Then slow cook the fish maw for an hour.

- So when are you coming for soup? - Geez... don't bug me with this stuff!

My wife's in the other room!

Romário passes to Bebeto!

Bebeto skilfully breaks the defence and shoots right into the back of the net!

Sevin, status? You hear anything?

I believe a Bebeto stole the dinosaur skull,

skilfully breaking the defence and shooting right into the net.

The signal here's too weak, though.

Currently thinking if I can dig a tunnel to his sofa so I can listen in on him.

Sevin, cut the crap. Go somewhere with a better signal.

There's radio interference wherever I go. I just can't make out what Lai's saying.

Sevin... try going somewhere less crowded.

It's less crowded around the piano out front.

Head over and give it a go.

Alright.

I still can't get a clear signal.

Quit fidgeting. Sit still. It'll work.

Dead on.

Sitting here by myself, I can't help but feel a bit embarrassed.

I thought you loved to sing. Why don't you sing something?

Not a bad idea.

Cold of night...

Da dee da da da da... photo tight.

Forgot the words to that part.

The past I still moan...

Frozen like stone.

I see only you in sepia tone...

Like blooms that aren't bold.

Or an ice not cold.

Or maybe they're endless words...

I can never be told...

Perhaps it's the wine...

Does my heart still pine...?

Could this be a sign...?

Well? How was it?

So-so.

Give me a critique at least.

Tune was a little off.

You're in a class of your own.

You snuck up on me using kung fu.

Looks like you're no ordinary woman.

I'm not afraid to tell you...

but I'm actually waiting for a very important man.

I think this is someone you're also acquainted with.

Sorry. No comment.

I never put anyone in a compromising position...

but there's something I really want to tell you.

I admire you so much...

Whoa!

Kam, do you copy?!

It's very dangerous here! A lot of killers hiding who knows where!

A fish in a barrel?

I took a bullet.

How are you up and about, then?!

Luckily, I have my bulletproof vest.

Shame I don't have bulletproof trousers.

For you...

What? Where'd you get those?!

Plucked them before I escaped.

You can't find these just anywhere. Consider yourself lucky.

Do you have to be so serious? You're crazy...

Hey, how'd you know? A lot of people say that about me...

The Man with the Golden Gun's goons are still here. Start the car. Quickly!

What's that?!

Don't be afraid! I'm here! Calm down.

You're crippled so sit down! Leave it to me!

- Ram that mother...! - Ram your mama...!

Slipped through my fingers this time!

You okay?

Do you have gauze, cotton, and scissors?

I do.

- Couldn't find the scissors! - No need.

The bullet's lodged in my femur... putting pressure on my aorta,

propped against my trigeminal nerve.

My left brain's going numb from hypoxia...

the right side of my body is entering paralysis.

Have to open up the wound, extract the bullet.

Allow me.

This blade was the legendary swordsmiths Gan Jiang and Mo Ye's kitchen knife.

Cast from Tian Shan Cosmic Iron.

Net weight is 7 times 7 catties, 16 taels, 4 ounces.

Normal folks have a hard time lifting it.

This is a real test of skill...

because you must avoid all nerves and blood vessels.

- Open the wound for me. - Huh?

Can't handle it?

I can handle it.

Can you see the bullet?

The black one?!

Nah... the black one's a stupid tendon, just ignore him! Further up.

- It's white? - Yeah, the white part is bone!

The silver bit next to it is the bullet.

I can see it! It's in deep!

Chisel it out for me.

- 'Chisel'?! - Chisel.

Chisel like this?!

How else do you chisel?

Don't you need anaesthetic?!

I do.

Hit 'play'.

- Is this the wrong tape? - No.

This is called 'Divert the Eyes, Distract the Heart'!

This is called 'doggy style'. Don't take me for a fool!

I'm referring to my technique...

legendary physician Hua To's method of anaesthesia used in ancient times.

Tales tell of Guan Yu absorbed in a game of chess as poison was scraped from his bones.

Today, Double-Oh Sevin is focused on a porno as bullet is chiselled from bone.

Begin.

You can watch it later.

The bullet's close to the bone. A lot of nerves, too. It'll hurt, hang on!

Whoa, there's even a Black dude...

Why'd you stop?

Oh... I'm concentrating all my blood into one place to avoid excess blood loss.

Focus on the task at hand, keep going.

He's blocking my line of sight. Brush him aside for me.

Yeah! C'mon... Harder...

Hard--

What's wrong?! Too hard?!

I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the Black dude.

Why's there so much blood?!

Oh, it's fine... You just hit a blood vessel.

What do I do, then?!

Keep watching the porno, okay?!

You can handle it, right?

Chat with me... Ask me some questions...

Just don't let me fall asleep... because I'm afraid I won't wake up.

What's your name?

My name is Double-Oh Sevin.

You can ask some harder ones.

Harder ones...?

There's a farm. There are four times more chickens than ducks.

And there are nine less ducks than pigs.

And the number of ducks and pigs combined is 67.

So how many legs do all the animals on the farm have in total?

Why don't I ask you questions instead?

Ask away...

The man and the woman in the painting, who are they?

My mum and dad...

Why can't you see their faces?

They died when I was little... I don't really remember them.

So turns out we're both orphans...

No wonder we get along so well...

Kam...

Thanks for everything...

You're welcome... Hang in there, don't die.

C-can you turn down the air-con? I'm a little chilly...

Sevin?

Sevin? Sevin?!

Luckily, I have...

When it comes to cauterising a wound...

that's the way to do it.

A .224 Li'l Spittoon bullet... I hear it's custom-made for you.

Where's your UFO long-range sniper rifle?

It must still be in the car outside.

It was you who shot me... am I right?

Why kill me and then save me?

How are you related to the Man with the Golden Gun?

Don't bother. I won't talk.

As a spy, since I failed to kill you, there's only way this ends. Do it!

Fine.

So close and still couldn't make the shot...

What a terrible shot.

Can't help it...

Don't bother me with all this bloodshed... I'm better off watching pornos.

Pretend we never met.

Sevin...?

Sevin! Don't go! You can't go back!

The Man with the Golden Gun's the commander! The dinosaur skull--

How come you're taller?

So you're finally telling the truth?

You're a lot thinner in person!

Can't put food on the table as a traitor? How can that be...?

Miss, got a Band-Aid?

Looking at you, you're really so damn cute.

No wonder Commander Chen died at your hands.

I'd like to see your commander. Could you please show the way?

Did you know Kam sold out our country?!

I didn't.

The country put its faith in her, and she--

- Who was it that shot you?! - I think the Man with the Golden Gun did.

- What about Kam?! Where is she?! - I don't know, she's disappeared.

What a blunder! The enemy is too cunning! Truly everywhere at once!

Oh...! How is your wound?

- It should be alright... - What are you saying? You're bleeding!

Here, sign this.

Now head to the hospital and see a doctor. Your recovery matters!

- Guard? To the hospital at once. - Yes, Sir!

Worry about nothing else.

This way.

What are you gawking at? Over here! We've been waiting for you.

A firing squad at this hour?

- Oi, let's go another way. - No need. We're here.

Hey?

It's got a weight to it.

Hey? What's going on?

- What's going on? - Nothing, nothing!

'Nothing', he says with a straight face. Hey, it's definitely something. Oi?!

Hold still!

- Hey, if it's something, tell me. - You'll be fine.

Double-Oh Sevin!

You signed a confession admitting to smuggling national treasures!

An unpardonable crime, there will be no trial!

Immediate execution by firing squad!

Back in line!

Now, hold on a minute, I'm innocent!

I never read any national security secrets!

You need to live life with a conscience...

Everyone knows I'm blind!

How absurd, accusing a blind man of reading national secrets?!

Fellow comrades!

I'm good friends with Secretary Chen, we have tea together!

- Wait...! Wait! - Wait...

Secretary Chen's my old man! Kill me, and I'll have him kill you back!

Ready!

Big Brother...!

No! No...!

But I'm so handsome...!

- My little brother...! - I don't wanna die...!

No...!

Fuck you to hell... Such an ugly face!

So ugly, huh?!

That's some good shooting!

Next.

Thirty years of punishing training... It was all for today.

Ready!

Want to kill me: Iron-Foot Water-Walker?! Not so fast!

Ready!

Fire!

Take the container to the freight station at the border within the next 30 minutes.

- The buyer will be there for pickup. - Understood.

Let's go.

Your buyer's already dead.

Don't bother yourself with the skull. We'll take it back to Shenyang ourselves.

If you're smart, turn yourself in! Otherwise, we've got a permit to kill!

Man with the Golden Gun... your number two's already in our custody.

Might as well surrender now.

Mother... trumpet!

You call yourself a man?! Luckily, I have my bulletproof vest!

We've been through life and death, and just like that you bite me?!

Fine! bite me, huh?!

Bite him!

I'll be Christmas to you New Year's. Fine, let's team up!

I know where he is. Follow me!

LOYALTY TO THE PARTY, LOVE YOUR COUNTRY

Come on, I've been waiting!

Watch out!

Even with a bulletproof vest, I'll still fill you with lead!

Don't just stare! Time to use our special moves!

'Hard On Flame On'!

Let's see if your armour can withstand my 30 thousand degree 'Hard On Flame On'!

Whoops, my bad! Sorry!

I made instant noodles for supper. Used up your gas and didn't tell you.

So sorry, so sorry!

You boob... I'll even blow your boobs up! Mandible, now it's your turn!

Don't think I'm some pushover.

Iron. Armour. Flying. Fist...!

I gave you an education, made sure you didn't starve.

To think, you betray me for some pork bloke?!

Double-Oh Sevin was just killed by firing squad.

Since you love him so much, I'll send you to him down below!

Sevin?!

Ha! I saw through you right from the start, geezer!

Then why didn't you say anything?

Double-Oh Sevin?!

Sevin, you're okay?!

Enough, I'm fine. Some less generic dialogue, please.

Weren't you facing the firing squad?

Just mentioning it makes me fume. You lost me a hundred bucks!

Go! Shoo, shoo!

'A bent upper beam makes the lower beams crooked'.

Your underling was more corrupt than you!

Yet you stand before 'Loyalty to the Party, Love your country'.

As long as China has a monster like you, the people will never lead a good life.

Today... I will cut you down to size.

You pieces of dead wood?!

'Dead wood'?!

I've put a lifetime of effort into combining ten deadly weapons into one.

The Super Weaponator, production code 'Your Life is Mine 3000',

is now finally complete!

Sevin, stand back!

Further!

Even further!

Is that so?

I would love to see it.

'Your Life is Mine 3000'...!

Machete, bike chain, gunpowder, sulphuric acid, poison,

handgun, hand grenade, triangle file!

Each one as unique as the last, now combined into one!

How do you like them apples?

You're better off dead, you nutter.

Oi, not yet!

Vinci?!

Sevin, it's up to you now!

Guess I have no other choice.

I'll face you single-bladedly.

A meat cleaver?!

A meat cleaver...?!

No...!

You fucking brat...

Let's see what you're made of!

Bear witness to my power!

Come on...

What kind of knife is that?!

A meat cleaver. Specially for chopping pigs.

Oi, butcher? Give me five dollars of pork!

I'm not open right now. Come back in an hour.

You sure about that? Reckon you'll last three minutes, butcher.

Not even three hours is enough...!

Sevin, let's do it at home.

We're already here! Besides, atmosphere's nicer.

Go! Shoo!

Sevin? We're in big trouble this time...!

Our spy satellite's gone missing in outer space!

It's a national security issue, a billion lives in the balance.

I've been promoted. You don't want me in trouble either!

Give me a hand and come in...!

I'm making love right now.

National security can piss off for now, Vinci!

Geez... how many times have I told you? It's Da Vinci--

NATIONAL HERO. FROM XIAOPING