Original subtitles

(groaning)

(coughing)

(upbeat rock music)

(door banging)

Somebody's in here, motherfucker!

Then hurry the fuck up!

(groaning)

(bubbling)

(groaning) (farting)

(sighing)

Hey Shero, what's taking so long?

You fall in?

I'm almost done.

(groaning)

What the?

Where's the fuckin' toilet paper?

I'm gonna have to piss off

the fucking balcony, get the fuck out of there!

(laughing)

Get out of there!

Come on, damn it!

(banging)

(groaning)

(slam)

You selfish jerk.

(splashing)

(groans)

Learn to flush, goddammit.

(cackling)

You think life's like a cartoon?

It's hard for us birds, too.

Rubbish, people give you bread,

they give me poison.

I'm sick of this shit.

You're still here?

Tell me, what's he bitching about now?

Feelin' sorry for himself, Shero.

Says life is unfair.

That being a rat's really fucked up.

Oh, I told you to stop using that word!

What word?

"Rat", or "fucked up"?

It's rat, you asshat.

(laughing)

Hey, cut the crap.

Decisions have to be made for tonight's party,

is it gonna be fish or beef?

Ooh, I know, what was that second thing, again?

Was it fish?

Was it fish?

Yes, it was fish, but you don't know

how to fish, do you?

You know I can't swim,

I'm a land gull.

You wanna go drown?

Be my guest.

Shut the fuck up, I'll get the fish,

you get the booze.

Get off your lazy asses, and get on it, hopeless.

Okay, okay, but I gotta warn you,

it's gonna be hard without cash.

Stop making excuses,

do I look like I care?

You're a thief, so go out and

fucking steal some.

(classical cello music)

What's that? Eh?

Looks like this is our cue to get out of here.

Enjoy the music.

(scoffs)

Let's go now.

Fuck, I hate this town.

(upbeat rock music)

(whoosh)

(classical cello music)

(snoring)

(rattling)

Shero!

Yo, Shero!

Buddy!

Shero!

Shero!

Shero, where are you!

(groaning)

What the hell?

You call that shit music?

A deaf and dumb choir would sound better!

Fuck you.

It sounds like your mama gave up the cello,

took up the chain saw, and used it to

saw through her fat ass!

Shut your cat flap!

(thud)

Hey Shero, it's me, boss!

Who is it?

Shero!

Boss!

It's Blackie, you gotta come, right away!

It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!

She's the cat's meow to your howl,

she's the, that's only if you're interested,

I mean, of course.

What do you think?

Pedigree?

Oh, yeah.

Siamese, clean, soft, curvy, real classy.

Like me. (laughs)

Well, I guess it'll be a while before

they get back with the fun stuff,

so yeah, why not?

Siamese, huh?

Are they the ones with the flat nose

and the bushy tail?

No, no, no, they're prudes.

These ones have the velvet boots,

real sexy.

Oh, do you think she'll like my fine ass?

You betcha, how could she possibly say no?

No cram jam here bro, she's prime cat tenderloin,

ready for roasting.

(groaning)

But you gotta come now, or she'll be gone.

(frenzied orchestral music)

(ripping)

(clanking)

Hey, can't you learn some respect, fat kitty?

You cut off my credit, and you want respect?

Stupid Old Spice.

(clanging)

No credit for you ever again.

(cheerful instrumental music)

One day karma will catch up with you.

Excuse me, sir.

I'm looking for someone?

What am I, the information centre?

Use your phone like the other kids, okay?

Hey, ah.

Tell me what she likes,

I've got a party to plan, so I wanna skip

the small talk, and get straight to the point.

Oh, a party, can I come?

Just tell me.

Oh man, you'll love her.

They call her Princess, she's all curves.

A tight little fur ball built for comfort,

not for speed.

(chattering)

Just lay back and enjoy the ride,

all she will say is, "Ride, Shero, ride."

Ah, you did that so good,

I almost came in my fur.

(laughing)

All part of the service.

Did you know I'm starting Furbook,

the cat on cat hookup app?

Blackie, you went back to pimping?

(laughing)

No, no, this is legit.

Do you know how hard it is to get laid

in this city?

Even in season, the pedigrees find husbands,

and we get a piece of the action.

(growls) (yelps)

Are you gonna have booze at the party?

Of course, I got it all under control.

Ah, one hundred percent proof, at five o'clock.

(clinking)

(glass smashes)

(groaning) (aerosol hissing)

(ominous music)

(frenzied orchestral music)

(clinking) (groaning)

(whoosh)

(crunch)

(screams)

(thwack)

Shit, I lost it!

(giggles)

Nice cologne.

What is it, Eau de Rodente?

Shut up!

Chill, dude.

I gotta say, it's an improvement.

Yeah, right, shut the fuck up and fly!

Anybody ever tell you,

you've got a negative attitude?

Yes, and I'm positive you're an idiot!

(meowing)

Purr, kitty, purr.

They say this breed dates back 2000 years to China.

Only an emperor could have her.

So, of course, I thought of you, my friend.

I also thought maybe you should have a new name.

Chairman Meow.

(meowing)

(yawning)

Hello, my little Princess.

(smooching)

You are so cute, I want to eat you up,

and kiss your kissy face.

(purring)

Aww, look what you did, you signed it.

Oh shit, I'm late again.

(meowing)

Not now.

I have to go. (smooching)

Okay, Princess, I'll be back soon.

You be a good girl while I'm gone.

Come on.

Hey, hey, hey.

(groaning)

(upbeat music)

(moaning)

(slurping)

(smack)

Hey baby, I'm Shero.

Let's get busy.

Let's move.

(screeching meow)

What the?

Flying fur, ay, ay, ay.

I think she likes me.

(meowing)

(clunking)

(smash)

(electricity zapping)

Ah, what just happened!

Ugh!

She could have just said no.

(suspenseful music)

Shit, what have we done?

(patting)

Is she dead?

Oh man!

(yelping)

Shero, Shero, Shero, quickly, let's go!

(phone ringing)

Don't panic, it's not our fault!

She obviously had intimacy issues.

(tapping) (gasps)

He's back!

Shit.

(humming) (clanging)

(groaning)

(clanking)

Okay, okay.

Hang on.

Princess?

Hello?

Princess?

Sweetheart?

Princess!

No! (crying)

Princess, Princess, Princess, my baby.

(sobs)

No! (whooshing)

Eh, he's losing it,

we gotta get out of here, now!

(clinking)

Wake up.

(slam) (huffs)

(growling)

(slam)

Oh, it was an accident!

We just, she just!

Tell him, Shero!

I swear, it's the truth! (cries)

That's enough!

(whoosh)

(thwack)

(screams) (groans)

Oh, I'm hit, Shero.

(sombre orchestral music)

Blackie?

Buddy, tell the boys that

I died as I lived, three inches deep.

(groans)

♫ Oh say can you see, la la

(thud)

(growls)

(yells)

(thwacking) (yelling)

(crash)

(whoosh)

(screams)

(yells)

(thudding)

(crash)

(thudding) (groaning)

(screaming)

(thud) (squish)

(groaning) (thud)

I need a drink.

(eerie music)

Shero.

Shero!

Shero?

Where are you?

Where is he?

Where the fuck is he?

Whoo!

Hey, you tell him, okay?

I sure don't want to.

I won't have to tell him,

he'll know, he always does.

Yeah.

That's true.

(relaxed generic store music)

Hey, Shero.

I've got a surprise for you.

Get out of my face, old man.

I'm in no mood for surprises today.

No, no, trust me.

You'll love this one.

So, you've finally come to your senses.

Great, gimme a beer.

Hey, what?

No.

(rustling) (groaning)

No, not that, paws off.

Ah, look who's here.

(whimsical music)

What's that?

Hello, my name is Taco.

Papa.

It's talking to me.

What are you talking about?

He looks just like you, it's incredible.

Since when do cats have sons?

(whimpers)

Trust me, kid.

You're better off without him.

He's a lost cause.

Ah, there he is.

He's empty-handed, too.

Ugh, that's great.

But it means we're gonna starve tonight,

and you call me an idiot.

(thudding)

(sniffs loudly)

Please come, Son.

You can't cancel at the last minute.

(whoosh)

But it's only once a year.

(suspenseful music)

I have your favourite ready.

Please reconsider, we're having fish.

(laughs)

It's already in the fridge.

It's been so long since we've sit in, come.

(slash)

(crashing) (splat)

Wait, who, who is there?

(gasps)

Stop it!

Where did that come from?

I got the fish, start pouring the booze.

It's time for us to drink.

What's wrong, bro?

He didn't make it.

(splat)

Who's he?

You know, Blackie the pimp.

(sizzling)

Slain like a dog.

May he rest in peace.

Let's put a glass out for my friend.

Hey, where's the booze?

Uh, we couldn't find any.

It's so dry, birds are building nests

with razor wire.

(laughs nervously)

There's nothing, nada, zip.

You're a moron!

But what's your excuse?

We don't work for you!

We are supposed to be friends,

but Mr. My Jaw is Twice the Size of My Head

couldn't give a shit what we went through today.

Too right, I don't care.

Screw it, I'm out of here.

You ungrateful son of a she-cat hag!

We bust our asses for you,

and all you can do is insult us!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Excuse me. (groans)

(whimsical music)

Heh?

Who are you?

Ah, he looks like a mini-Shero.

(giggles)

The poor kid.

(groans)

(classical cello music)

(glass clinking)

(groaning) (click)

Yes!

(spits)

Water?

(whoosh) (clink)

(growls) (slam)

(thud)

Motherfucker!

You drank it all.

You know other people live here, right?

Selfish prick.

You ingrate.

Cows produce more milk when played classical music.

Plants grow taller, but you grow fat and ugly!

You call that shit, "music"?

You suck.

You wouldn't know good music if

it fucked you in the ass!

Screw you, Tank!

Shero!

And what use are you?

You don't bother to feed me,

or give me any booze!

But you still stretch your fat ass around,

claiming to be a goddamn cat lover!

Can't I get a moment of peace?

Just one!

Get out of here, you loser!

I'm a loser?

Eh, when did you last get laid?

You're too busy stroking your noise-maker!

What?

She's all you care about!

Leave her out of this!

Shero! (slam)

(whoosh) (thwack)

Miserable hater.

Damn it, Shero!

(slam)

Look what you did to my Lulu!

You violated her!

(doorbell buzzing)

Who is it!

Fuck!

It's your landlord.

That monster, hideous, man-faced (coughs)

freak show piece of...

(gasps)

Huh?

Okay, lady, let me just put this down.

(coughs)

What did that butt hole do now?

Can't breathe.

Are you okay?

Silence.

Don't call me lady, besides,

you're as bad as him, haven't paid a cent in months.

Really, you sure?

For years and years and years and years

and years, you have taken advantage of me.

I've had enough, you're both evicted.

I want you out of my apartment now!

I hope a big fat bone gets stuck in

his throat, and he chokes.

The little bastard stole your fish, huh?

How about I tear him in half and stuff him

like a muppet, as a present to your grandson?

(scoffs) Too little, too late.

Please?

Shut up.

I can't believe I'm going to

say (coughs) this,

but I'll give you one more day to pay up.

One day?

Not my problem.

How?

Have it tomorrow, or I'll have the police

throw you out on the street.

You hear me, lowlife bum?

Be reasonable, please?

One day, that's it, got it?

Okay, then, let me get the door for you.

Goddamn it.

(laughing)

Why is he here?

He's really funny, Shero.

Where have you been hiding him?

His sense of humour must come from his mother.

I don't know who the fuck you think you are,

but you're not wanted here.

But, Dad, I'm your son.

Do you have any idea how much seed I've sown?

It's nothing to be proud of.

Think they all call me Dad?

Get lost.

Chill out, Shero.

Stay out of it.

But, Dad.

Get the fuck out of here.

But--

Get moving.

It was so hard to find you,

and I only just got here.

Goodbye.

Dude, that was harsh, even for you.

(slam)

What is it?

It's time to die.

Now!

Your ninth life is over.

Finito.

You understand?

(slam)

What on earth is it now, Tank?

(snarling)

(slamming)

Come on, they have some things to work out.

Yeah, no shit.

Take and take and take!

(slamming)

Well, no more, cat.

You and I are through.

Get out of here!

Go!

Now!

What are you talking about!

You're the one that's supposed to pay the rent!

From now on, you're on your own!

A stray, vagrant, bastard!

Bastard!

(slam)

(slam) (thud)

(whoosh) (slamming)

(clink)

To hell with him.

What kind of father turns away a nice boy like you?

Come, live with me, you can be my kitty.

You know I have plenty of food, yes?

And all the milk you could ever want, huh?

There's nothing for me here, nothing.

I know when I'm not wanted,

I'm getting used that.

Thanks anyway, Semi.

Okay, okay.

But at least let me give you some food.

I've lost my appetite.

I gotta go.

Goodbye, then.

Take care, my little friend.

So much for friendship.

(coughing)

I don't need that jerkoff.

I'm my own man.

He's the bastard, not me.

I really need to get some pussy, right now.

(cat screeches) (dogs barking)

(upbeat rock music)

(snarling)

(bells tinkling) (heart beating)

(laughing)

(laughing)

It's the end of the road, Snow White.

(laughs)

You've got two choices.

We can do this the easy way,

or the fun way.

(whoosh)

Or, the hard way.

Very hard, pun intended.

Hey, baby.

Looks like fun, can I join?

What's your name?

My name?

Misscat.

Misscat?

So you're not a misses, then?

Scram, alley cat, she's ours.

(thud) (slam)

Now where were we, beautiful?

Before we were interrupted by these pound hounds?

Should we get out of here and ditch the flea bags?

(laughs)

You bastard.

What did you say?

Bastard.

Bastard?

Bastard!

I'm a bastard?

Damn right.

So let's get this straight:

He didn't mean it.

Yeah, I did.

Maybe you should take it back?

No chance.

I'm a bastard?

You deaf?

Say it one more time, you neutered son of a mutt!

Bastard bastard!

Bastard, bastard, bastard, bastard.

(yells)

(screaming)

(beeping)

He moved.

You're crazy, you need to sleep.

But his heart's still beating.

But that's impossible.

His brain's in a jar.

(eerie music)

(slam)

(beeping)

(cymbals crashing)

(buzzing)

(frantic beeping)

(electricity zapping)

(buzzing) (grunting)

(shuffling)

(screaming) (thud)

(splat) (screaming)

(screaming)

(splat)

(splat)

(whoosh) (screaming)

(gasping)

Princess?

Princess.

(eerie orchestral music)

Princess.

(gasping) (whooshing)

(screaming)

(ominous music) Hyaaah!

(zapping)

Sherooo!

(snarling)

(eerie music)

Shero!

(yelling) (thudding)

(suspenseful music)

(tyres screeching)

(crashing) (laughing madly)

(cracking)

(sighing)

My hero.

You saved my life.

This is a dangerous neighbourhood for

a girl like you.

(thud)

So I see.

We just moved here.

I wanted to check out the neighbourhood,

but then those thugs started chasing me,

and if you didn't come along?

No problem, at your service.

You're so sweet.

Really?

(sensual jazz music)

(thudding)

Let's cut out the chase.

Isn't that a little direct?

Of course.

We don't even know each other.

Fine, we do it your way.

Misscat, Shero.

Shero, Misscat. (chuckles)

And they say romance is dead.

Try asking me to out on a date.

Are you serious?

We're cats, not people.

We meet, we shag. (chuckles)

Okay, Shero.

Bye bye.

Okay, okay, okay, fine, you win.

Misscat.

Oh, my owner's calling me,

it's dinner time.

Stay, I'll give you a little bit of Shero time.

Honey, I'm pure angora, you can't afford my time.

So, you're pedigree, huh?

Of course, what are you?

Tabby, what's wrong with that?

(giggles)

A tabby, is that even a breed?

(chuckles)

Not today, it seems.

Perhaps we could meet here later,

if you like?

Oh, I like.

You're eager.

Oh, I'm not really known for my patience.

(crack)

(groans)

Thank you Miss, can I have another?

(chuckles)

When the moon is high, I'll be here.

Could this be love?

(serene instrumental music)

(flapping)

(creak)

(ping)

Fuck off!

(whoosh) (thud)

(groans) (clink)

She kissed me. (chuckles)

(serene instrumental music)

I'm in love. (chuckles)

I'm in love.

Fuck you all, Shero's in love.

Furball, loving love.

Love, I'm in love! (chuckles)

(growls) (laughs)

Shero!

Die!

(suspenseful music)

This head is, damn.

Revenge!

(smash) (tyres screeching)

My good man Semi, isn't life wonderful?

No, it isn't, and you're still cut off.

Let me ask you something.

What now?

I need some advice, a recommendation.

Not for free.

I met a girl, Semi, I'm in love.

(chuckling)

You think I'll help you get another girl in trouble?

I don't think so.

After all I've done for you?

I just wanted to give her a gift, something special,

and I wanted your opinion.

So?

Is a bottle of wine a good gift?

And you'd pay for this bottle of wine how?

Come on, Semi, don't be like that.

How about a beer?

You really are quite thick.

What's wrong with you?

To win a woman's heart, you don't give her liquor.

You give her flowers.

So give me flowers.

I've got bread in the shape of a flour,

but only for something called "money".

Ah, screw you.

Go on, go on, leave.

Casanova.

(clink)

(whoosh) (click)

(mumbling)

He's adorable, mwah.

(purring)

Here you go, little guy.

I'm gonna play tethercat with that Shero.

Let's get the others, fuck him up.

Take it. (tsks)

This is our turf.

Here you go.

I've had some beatings before,

but nothing quite like that pounding.

Hmm, hmm, here?

'Scuse me.

I feel like my insides are on the outside.

Ugh, a fucking alley cat.

Why is his head so big, it's unnatural.

He must be on growth hormones or something.

He'll get his.

(laughing crazily)

Shero!

You die!

(sirens wailing)

(splat)

(clunk)

Shero... Shero.

Shero!

Hey, he's looking for him too.

Ay, Shero?

(thud)

(ominous rock music)

Where Shero?

Eh, I know where he is, Mister.

- What the hell? - Shero!

(horn honks)

(glass smashes)

(cheerful instrumental music)

(sniffs) (sighs)

(whistling) (horn honks)

(laughing)

I got you some flowers.

You like them?

Ugh. (blows raspberry)

You like flowers?

Take it.

Goddammit.

For you?

For you.

For you.

Fucking flowers.

(chuckles) Like that's gonna work.

Pull it together, man.

You are as sweet as this.

God, could I be more of a pussy?

I can't do this.

I'm out of here.

(giggling)

Hi, handsome.

Eh, how long have you been there?

(sensual jazz music)

Ew, they smell like shit.

Grown with colonic filtration, it's the latest technique.

(chuckles)

You're cute, you know that?

And you're wonderful. (purrs)

(giggles)

(screams) (groans)

(eerie echoing)

(laughing)

Open your eyes.

(thud)

How do you like that, huh?

Bastard!

(groaning)

Bastard.

Bastard!

Bastard!

(thwack)

How'd that feel, dirt bag?

(growls)

(gasping)

You literal sons of bitches!

He's mine, all mine.

(ominous rock instrumental music)

(electricity zapping)

Mine, mine!

I thought you died, already!

(crumbling)

Shero?

You're dead.

Dead now.

(electricity zapping) (screaming)

(grumbling)

(electricity zapping)

Princess dead.

Miss kitty dead!

Leave her alone!

She had nothing to do with it!

Come after me, you zombie prick!

Revenge, revenge!

Hyaaaah!

Go get him.

(yells)

(whooshing) (clanking)

Mini-Shero.

You're mine!

(whoosh)

Hyaaaah!

(thud)

(bam) (crash)

(thud)

Princess!

Life goes on, skull cap.

(screaming) (electricity zapping)

(yelling) (electricity zapping)

(crashing)

Papa!

(whistles)

Leave me be, I just wanna get laid!

(whoosh) (clunk)

(screaming)

(crash)

(screaming) (clank)

(chuckles)

This little one is so sweet,

is he your son?

He wishes he was.

Yeah, I'm his son.

My mother's name is Mimosa.

Mimosa?

From Old Chinatown?

That's her.

A brunette, right?

Yeah, that's her.

Hmm.

I don't know her, get out of here.

(swish)

(sombre orchestral music)

Hang on a second, you only just met him?

Twice, but he keeps giving me the brush-off.

I should go.

You two have a lot of catching up to do.

No, you will stay, he'll go.

Been nice knowing you, kid.

Why don't you go back to your mama, okay?

Tell her, Shero called, and he wants his cum back.

(laughs)

So, why don't we get out of here?

My mom's dead.

Huh, Mimi's dead?

How?

As if you care! (cries)

Wait, kid.

Wow, that sucks.

You're just gonna let him leave?

He's fine, you saw him before.

He can take care of himself.

Fine, huh?

Yup, yup, yup.

(truck running)

(tyres screech)

Stop.

(clunk)

(rattling)

(splat)

(yawns) (tapping)

(squishing)

(clank)

(gasps)

(knocking)

Tank!

Tank!

Open the fucking door.

(bashing)

You're making me look bad

in front of my girl!

(thudding)

Jon wouldn't do this to Garfield!

(slam)

Goddamn mouth-breather!

(tsks)

He came to see his father.

His father?

Since when do cats have fathers?

We're not people.

You are my dad.

(yells)

(thud)

Oh. (chuckles)

(ominous music)

Right! (growls)

(growling)

(laughs)

Huh?

Not bad, Kid.

Not bad.

Next time, don't use your wrist.

Next time, do it from your shoulder.

Watch, like this.

(thwack) (groans)

(thud) (crash)

Thanks, I'll try that next time.

All right, let's get something to eat.

Ah, thank god, I'm so hungry.

I could eat my own food twice.

Kid, did you meet the guy from the grocery store?

Yes.

(chuckles)

I have an idea.

(car engine idling)

Hey, Semi.

Got any empty boxes?

I might have a couple.

Out the back, with the rats.

What about the money you owe me?

You have the money, right?

Do I look like a bum?

Incredible. (scoffs)

(sighs)

Yes, you do.

Semi!

What?

Semi!

(huffs)

Not you again!

(hissing)

(sighs)

The cat's in the cradle.

Shero's given me a chance to stay,

isn't it great?

Oh, you sure?

What's in it for him?

There's nothing, he's a changed cat,

I swear.

Unlikely. (chuckles)

And what is this chance to stay,

he talks about?

If you must know, I'm on a mission from God.

Who the hell does he think he is,

a damned Blues Brother?

Uh, the thing is, I can only stay

if I get some booze, or I'm out, permanently.

No way, not a drop,

he's on his own.

I can't help you, no more credit

for that moocher, oh.

Okay, thanks, I understand.

You were my last hope of staying.

(tyres screeching)

Farewell, Papa.

All right, okay, you got me.

What else do you want?

Four fried chickens and a Coke!

Mini-Shero!

(laughs evilly) (car engine starting)

(screams)

Dad help!

Let me go!

What now?

(slam) (groaning)

Can't I have just one moment of peace!

(growls)

(yells)

Revenge!

Revenge!

(cackles crazily)

(yelping)

(screaming)

Dad!

Taco!

Hang on, kid!

I'm coming!

(groans)

This guy's really fucking up my day!

(cackles crazily)

Two cats, one stone.

Your breath stinks.

Kill me if you want, but don't breathe on me.

(groans) (cranking)

(whooshing)

(crash)

(groaning)

(squish)

(groaning)

(horn blaring)

(growls)

(screams)

Yo, whatever you do, don't slow down.

Follow my lead, Pizza Boy.

(upbeat rock music)

(screaming)

(cackling madly)

(yelling)

Go, go, faster, get him!

(screaming)

(horn blaring)

I'm gone.

(screaming)

(crash)

(groaning)

Come on, get closer, Pizza Boy!

Yes, angry kitty!

(screaming)

(crash)

(groaning)

(yelling)

Come on, grab my hand!

Can't reach it!

(groans)

Papa!

(splashing)

Dad!

(poignant orchestral music)

(coughing) (splashing)

(gasps)

I wanted a drink, but.

I thought you were a goner.

Look out!

(gasps)

(thudding)

(water swishing)

(bubbling)

(groaning)

(slam)

(gasp)

(thwack)

(horn blows)

(splash) (gasps)

(coughing) (gasping)

(splashing)

(whimsical orchestral music)

Dad, grab my hand.

(groans)

(splashing)

(cries)

Thank God you're okay.

I want these boarded up,

tighter than a cat's behind.

(gasps)

You, get lost!

You're not welcome here (hisses)

If I catch you, I'll turn you into minx sweater!

(gasping)

Eh.

(gasps)

Haven't you got the hint yet, heh?

(splash)

(gasps)

And don't

(whoosh)

(clunking)

come back!

Hey Easy Rider, thanks for the lift.

This is us.

(yelps)

Your girlfriend is gone,

and don't even try to come in!

You are locked out for good.

(clinking)

Misscat!

(whimsical music)

Taco, what's going on?

Misscat!

Misscat!

(groaning)

Misscat!

(roaring)

Where are you, Misscat?

Damn it.

(thwack) (clink)

(huffs)

Fuck my life.

(flopping)

Step back, everybody.

We need more room.

Move it.

Come on, back up people, come on.

You heard the man.

Okay?

Pull!

(machinery cranking)

Holy shit, who is that?

Is he dead?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, watch out!

(clang) (electricity zapping)

(screaming)

Sheroooo!

(buzzing)

(sombre orchestral music)

Ah, about fucking time.

Hey, Rifki?

You got the wrong bird, fatty.

I'll give you the right bird, jerk.

(gasping)

Dude, my wings are gonna fall off.

Harden up, bird man.

Just a little bit further.

Come on, let's go check out downtown, okay?

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, a minute, wait.

Ugh, I can smell it, the nose knows.

That way, it's coming from the tower.

(groans)

Can we trade places?

If I was going to trade places,

it would be with a squirrel,

no traps, no rat poison, they get respect.

(laughs)

Are you kidding?

You'd make one ugly-ass squirrel.

(laughs)

That's enough.

Come on, come on, get closer.

Are you insane?

I can't jump from here.

When you hear me whistle, come get me, okay?

(grunts)

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(rattling)

You pull over, now.

(laughs) Merthan, my homie.

What up?

I can't believe it's you.

Been a long time.

Got some of the good stuff on you?

Yeah.

(gurgling) (huffs)

(groans)

Air quality's getting worse, dude.

Talking chimps are screwing it up for everyone.

Hey, watch it!

What's wrong with kids today?

(groans) (scraping)

Fuck.

(whistling)

You still working the docks?

No, no, no, enjoying retirement.

And you?

(whistling in background)

You still spotting for robberies?

Yeah, kind of, but it just keeps getting harder.

No time in the small-time.

(whistling)

(whistling)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(groans) (whoosh)

(clinking) (moaning)

(shattering) (splat)

(yells)

(thwacking)

(knocking)

(relaxed jazz music)

(huffs) (squeaking)

(thwacking)

(smack) (screaming)

(thud)

(smack)

Where the fuck were you!

Flying around with a feather up your ass?

Ow, stop hitting me, ow!

You're an idiot!

I'm sorry, I ran into Merthan,

and we were talking, and

(smack) Ow!

I almost died!

I could have died, motherfucker!

Ow, ow, ow, dude.

What were you doing?

Telling more Steven Seagull jokes?

(smacking) Well?

Birds of a feather can go fuck themselves together!

(choking)

We're done (smacking) we're over!

(smacking)

Stick a fork in it!

Ow, I told you, I'm sorry.

Too little, too late!

I'm sure she'll be back soon.

I don't think so.

What do you know about women, anyway?

Hmm, well Miss Misscat, she seems really nice.

Nice is boring, you're boring.

You don't drink or smoke,

and your conversation sucks.

And all you talk about is booze and women.

You're not interested in having

a real conversation, I'm out.

Wait up.

What's got four legs, a tail,

and always lands on its feet?

(huffs)

We're about to find out.

(clunk)

(screams)

And get me some cigarettes!

Rifki, watch out, barbed wire!

(boing)

(yells)

(thud) (moans)

Where the hell have you two been?

Everything got fucked up, dude.

(rattle)

I don't give a rat's ass, no more excuses.

Where's the fucking drink?

I'll give you a rat's ass, fat bastard!

How about asking if I'm okay?

I could have fucking died--

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

hey, guys, guys.

(laughs nervously)

We're grown animals, stop acting like humans.

Stay out of this!

And he's no animal, he's a man.

A man!

Look at the size of his head!

I'm warning you, vermin.

I'm not in the mood!

I've enough bullshit today,

I don't need it from you!

Like you have problems!

You've been on your ass all day!

Oh yeah?

I tried to get laid, she gets electrocuted.

A freak kills my friend, so I kill him.

He comes back to life,

so I kill him again.

I'm called a bastard, then one actually shows up.

Then I fall in love, but she disappears.

No sex, no food, no booze,

and you think you got it baaad!

I think he's in pain.

Fuck all of you.

Leave me alone until you can fix this.

(sombre string instrument music)

Okay, I guess it's up to me.

Don't worry, it's fine.

Riza will fix it.

Okay, think.

Look at those fuckers.

Safe and warm in their houses,

maybe I need to think like a human,

not a rodent.

So, what do I need?

Meh, um.

(chuckles) Money.

With money, we can buy anything we need.

How are we going to get money?

I ain't getting a job.

Think about it!

The mouth-breathers don't play by the rules,

so why should we?

They take what they want, when they want.

And then store it away

like fucking squirrels for winter.

It's time we take back this city,

from the ones who have forced us to live

on the street like vagrants!

All right.

Let's go take it.

(upbeat Eastern instrumental music)

We're here.

What, rob a bank?

Why not?

It'll be easy.

So, what's the plan?

It wasn't my idea, or was it?

Okay, this is it:

I'll sneak in,

eh, and open the door,

mission accomplished.

Hey, good plan, Riza.

I'll be the lookout.

Shero, revenge, Princess.

Shut up, you loony-toon.

(gasping)

Captain, no matter how hard we beat the shit out of him,

he won't shut up.

I don't know what to do.

What's a Shero?

Dead!

(gasps)

Ugh, he's a maniac, look him up!

Shero.

Shut it!

Shero, Shero.

Shut up.

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(groaning)

(squishing) (huffs)

(laughs)

(toilet flushes)

(splashing)

(gasps)

(whimsical orchestral music)

He could use more fibre in his diet.

(shivers)

So, kid, any sign of them?

Nothing yet.

Oh yeah.

(grunting) (squeaking)

(eerie choir music)

(grunting)

(squeaking)

(slam)

(screaming)

A mouse!

(upbeat Eastern instrumental music)

(yelping)

(thud) (cymbals crash)

(jangling)

(whoosh)

What took so long?

Eh, I had to take care of business.

(farts)

(jangling)

(clicking)

Entre, si vous plait.

The vault.

(cackles)

How you gonna open it?

Stink it it open?

Eh, hardly, I am an expert at locks.

Gimme a boost.

(whimsical orchestral music)

Eh, so, guess a number between one and nine.

I'm surrounded by idiots.

Let me do it.

(grunts)

(cracking)

It's about to give.

I heard it crack.

Oh, that was my back.

(cracking)

Well, that didn't work.

What should we try next?

(rattling)

(beeping) (mumbling)

(bells tinkle)

(cranking) (thud)

(creaking) (harp strums)

How'd you do that?

Pure skill.

It's beautiful.

What?

Damn, that's a lot of cabbage.

(ominous music)

(beeping)

Calling the attention

of all units; robbery in progress

at First National Bank, the perps appear

to be a pair of cats.

(gasps)

Repeat, cats.

Kitties?

(huffing)

All units

respond immediately.

This has got to be a joke, right?

Shero!

(upbeat disco music)

(sighing)

(moaning)

(record skips) (huffs)

Stop fooling around!

(rustling)

(zipping)

Riza, let's go.

We only need enough for tonight.

What's wrong with you, Shero?

And what about tomorrow?

We should take it all.

Taco, help me carry it.

(grunts) (whoosh)

(yelps)

He's only just a kitten.

That's too heavy for him, rat boy.

Greed is good, the one percent

won't miss it.

Besides, it's insured.

We gotta grab as much as we can,

come on, take it.

Yah!

Come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, come on.

You're being too greedy, let's go.

All right, fine.

It feels so wrong to leave it behind.

All right, let's just get out of here.

You can't buy happiness,

but you can steal it.

Aw, shut it.

(sirens wailing)

(huffing)

(chuckles)

(siren wailing)

Is that the cops?

(siren wailing)

Oh shit.

(frenzied instrumental music)

(clang) (squawks)

(squeaking) (groans)

(gurgling)

Dudes, the fuzz is here!

You gotta get out of there!

Now!

(frenzied instrumental music)

(sirens wailing)

Hurry up!

We've been busted, get the fuck out of there!

Go, now!

Run!

(tyres screeching)

This is the police!

We're screwed now.

I'm out through the shitter.

What the hell?

What about us?

Your head won't make it past the bowl!

Surrender!

Come out with your paws up!

(rustling)

I'm really flush with cash now.

(laughs)

Ah, shit.

Surrender!

The windows!

It's the only way out.

The glass is double-plated.

I know we can do this.

All we have to do is put our heads together, Dad.

(engine buzzing) (tyres screeching)

(yelling in unison)

(smashing)

(screaming)

Huh?

Shero?

(gasping)

Stop!

Freeze!

Fire!

Mine.

(gun shots)

(gasping)

(clanging)

Shero, Shero, Taco, over here.

Riza!

There's an open door!

(clang)

Make a break for it, when they cease fire!

You can do it.

You better be right, 'cause if I die,

I'm gonna kick your ass!

(gun shots)

(laughs creepily)

Mine.

Stop!

(gun shots)

Kitty mine!

(rumbling)

(clang)

(whooshing)

(slam)

(grunts)

(click)

(gun shot)

(ominous music)

(sombre orchestral music)

Riza, no!

(gun shots)

(yells)

(moaning)

(clang)

Well, that was a dog day afternoon.

Hurry up, kiddo.

Riza, is he okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he's fine,

probably just hiding in the sewers, somewhere.

(slam)

(upbeat instrumental music)

(yelps)

(slam) (yells)

(ominous instrumental rock music)

(yells)

(gun shots)

(screams)

What is he?

Zombie mouth-breather.

(gun shots) (grunting)

(huffing)

(screams)

(bam)

Ow!

(screams) (crash)

(gun shot)

(whooshing)

(groans)

(bam) (gasps)

Taco!

No!

Attention men on the roof!

Ah, it's a pair of cats up there, sir.

Uh, you cats up there!

We know you have the money!

We've got you surround!

There's no escape!

Taco?

Taco, wake up.

Taco, please, Taco.

Wake up, Taco.

Please.

Say something.

My son.

You cats, surrender,

and you can go back to playing piano

on the internet!

Surrender or else!

We want that money!

Couple of cats robbed a bank?

I don't believe it, how did they do it?

Okay people, move back.

Make room!

(screaming)

(Turkish language song)

You want the damn money?

Then take it!

Take it, take it all!

(screams)

Leave us the fuck alone!

Holy shit, look, free money!

It's raining money!

Move away, now!

Go, move away!

But officer, please, I'm broke!

(mumbling)

Don't touch it!

Leave it alone!

Money!

Stay out of there!

(bashing) (tyres screeching)

(car speeding)

What the!

(tyres screech)

Hey, hey you!

Move!

(horn honking)

Come on, you!

Shero?

What happened?

Hey, Shero!

What happened to the kitty?

Was he hit by a car?

Or did you do something to him?

I'm the worst father ever.

What do you mean?

He's been shot.

He's dead. (cries)

Give him to me, now.

Wait, you moron.

(engine starts)

(tyres screeching)

Shero?

(suspenseful music)

(gasps)

(slam)

(crashing) (slamming)

Ugh, disinfectant, no wait, cognac,

no, whiskey!

I've got whiskey!

(slam) (shattering)

Gauze, cotton, fucking shit.

Fuck me, where the fuck did I put them?

(rustling)

Goddamn boxes.

Make yourself useful, man up!

(bashing)

This it?

(sombre instrumental music)

(grunts)

(clink)

(squishing) (huffs)

(grunts)

Let me see.

Shit, he's still bleeding!

Come on, Taco, you can't die. Taco?

You're a fucking cat!

You got nine lives, goddamn it!

(whoosh) (cymbals crash)

(flopping)

It's taken you an hour to climb ten stairs.

Cut me some slack, man.

I was born to fly,

(moans) not walk.

Okay... hold on.

(grunting in unison)

(huffs)

Shero, you made it.

Man, that was some crazy-ass shit.

What happened to the kid?

He saved my life, stupid.

How can we help?

Stop.

He needs to rest.

Eh, pup's gonna wake up a wealthy boy, right?

What's the total score, how much?

You got the money, right?

There is no money!

I threw it away, all of it!

No!

What the fuck!

After all we went through!

Be quiet!

All of you, out.

Me too?

Especially you.

The boy stays here, go on!

Get out, now!

He's my son, I'll look after him.

Uh, guys?

And how's that working out?

You almost got him killed!

But I didn't huh?

Bros?

He's okay.

Hey.

Don't you get it, Shero?

It's over, we're over.

Uh, dudes?

Thanks to you, we don't have a home anymore, damn it!

Enough already!

I have some money.

(thwack)

(gasps)

(boing) (splat)

Gimme that.

(smack) (screams)

(flicking)

Okay, this is for the back rent,

this is next year's rent,

this is for the damage you did,

this is for the fish you stole.

This is for the stress you've caused me.

And this?

What you owe Semi. (laughs)

And, there's this left, eh?

What shall we do with it?

(rustling)

(upbeat instrumental music)

Give me a hit.

You love it, right?

God bless you.

It was a little tricky at first,

every time I tried to get her from behind,

I get whacked by her tail.

Anyway, as we were getting hot and heavy,

her father shows up.

Here you are, it's Turkey's finest.

Awesome.

Ah, look at you, got the munchies.

And then the old man says,

he doesn't want his daughter dating a rat,

then he said, I don't have enough cashew

to support her, can you believe that shit.

You're making this shit up, huh?

Later that night, I went to her tree,

and he pelted me with acorns.

That's when I decided no more squirrels.

But they're just like you, they're fucking nuts.

(laughing)

Up yours, bird-brain.

In honour of this scrumptious feast,

I'd like to play something.

Eh.

What? And spoil the fun?

No way.

Shit.

That's the problem these days,

no appreciation for the classics.

No class.

Now he's gone, let's get this party started.

This sucks, she's gone for good.

Can you please pass the water?

What are you doing, you don't drink it with water.

(mumbling)

(ominous music)

You're gonna get too drunk to fly!

No shit.

Ah, are those my gas tanks?

What's this?

(laughing creepily)

Shero!

Misscat!

(cackling madly)

Everyone dies!

The only one to die will be you!

(suspenseful music)

(click) (whooshing)

(slam)

(yelling)

(grunting) (bashing)

(slamming)

Hey, that's my cat!

Tank!

(yells)

You mess with my family,

you mess with the Tank!

(bashing)

Bravo, brava, well done!

(grunts)

(yells)

(bashing)

(yells) (shrieks)

(bashing)

(crumbling)

(whoosh) (crash)

(group cheering)

(moaning)

You finish him.

Oh, no, no, I couldn't.

Really, it's fine.

Well, okay, if you insist.

(whooshing) (moaning)

(bam)

(screaming) (crash)

(rustling) (sighing)

(clanging)

(crash)

Psycho.

(clink)

(ominous music)

(fireworks exploding)

Looks like the circus is in town.

Happy New Year!

(cheerful instrumental music)

I thought I wasn't good enough for you.

You had me at meow.

(chuckling)

Misscat!

(groaning)

No, great, I'm never getting laid.

Well, I've never liked the word "never",

and there is no time like the present,

what do you say?

(gasps)

Let's make tabbies together.

(upbeat rock music)

(Turkish language song)