Original subtitles

Tomorrow our lawyer, Joseph Stanford, is coming by.

- Ugh, Crazy Sissy's dad. - That's terrible. Sissy was a good friend of yours.

Sissy talked to her stuffed animals, and they answered her.

- Let's just start a new topic. - You're impossible.

She said a new topic, Mom.

Everything's a joke. Everyone's a punch line.

Okay, I'm sorry.

My daughter, Henny Youngman.

[ Richard ]: Sorry for that. A little trouble with our China office.

Well, what did I miss?

I was being impossible. Then I turned into a Jewish comedian.

- Oh. Well, continue. - Thank you. Where was I?

Uh, Joseph Stanford is coming tomorrow.

Yes. So, Rory, your grandfather and I thought it might be nice after dinner for you

to go around the house and pick out what you'd like us to leave you in our will.

[ Richard ]: Take a look at that desk in my office. It's a really fine Georgian piece.

Why don't I ever bring a tape recorder to these dinners?

Oh, well, anything you want to leave me is fine.

Nonsense. You should have what you like. So just look around.

And when you see something you like, stick a Post-it on it.

Okay, you two have officially hit a new level of weird that even I marvel at.

- You can pick out things, too, you know. - Oh, well, now it's way less creepy.

Did you hear that, Richard? Apparently we're creepy.

Yes, well, you live and learn.

- Oh, cool. - What's that?

- It's dessert. - It's pudding.

Well, if you knew what it was, then why did you ask?

- You don't like pudding. - [ Emily ]: Yes, but you like pudding.

Oh, I love pudding. I worship it.

I have a bowl up on the mantel at home

with the Virgin Mary, a glass of wine, and a dollar bill next to it.

I've never had pudding from a crystal bowl before.

- You like the bowl? - Mmm.

Put a Post-it on it when you're done.

♪ If you're out on the road ♪

♪ Feeling lonely, and so cold ♪

♪ All you have to do is call my name ♪

♪ And I'll be there on the next train ♪

♪ Where you lead, I will follow ♪

♪ Anywhere that you tell me to ♪

♪ If you need ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Where you lead ♪

♪ I will follow ♪

♪ Anywhere that you tell me to ♪

♪ If you need ♪

♪ You need me to be with you ♪

♪ I will follow where you lead ♪♪

[ sighing ]

So, what do we think of this?

- Where would we put it? - I don't know.

The Emily and Richard Gilmore Psycho Museum?

This is the strangest evening I've ever spent here.

So, how are we doing?

Great. Just getting ready for the big day.

- Very nice. - So, um, it's getting late, Mom.

Unless you've got some funeral plots for us to decorate, we should really get going.

- Any special requests for dinner next week? - Oh, well...

Uh, Mom, I want to talk to you for a minute.

And, Rory, why don't you go say goodbye to Grandpa?

Very smooth.

Shall I sit down?

Yeah, but not there, okay? We got a Post-it on that.

We'd like to keep it nice.

It must be very exhausting to be you.

- Mom, Rory's birthday is next Friday. - I know that.

So, we were thinking that maybe we could push our dinner next week to Saturday.

- What're you going to do on Friday? - Oh, I don't know...

Well, perfect. Come here, we'll have a little party.

- Can we do it another night? - Why come another night when her birthday falls

on the exact night that you come here.

- Saturday's a good night, Mom. - Not as good as Friday.

- Pretty damn close. - Not from where I'm standing.

Well, move then.

I'm sorry. Friday nights are my nights.

That's what we agreed on when you borrowed money for her school. The rules haven't changed.

Mom, I didn't intend for this loan to become a constant source of blackmail, okay?

This is my kid's birthday, and she will have her party

at home on Friday, and that's it.

End of story.

So, how would you like two parties this year?

- You couldn't get her to cave. - No,

but she did agree to make the string quartet to learn "Like a Virgin."

Well, you tried.

Sweetie, I promise, Saturday night we'll do it up right at home.

A Stars Hollow extravaganza.

So, is this party Grandma's having going to be a big deal?

Not really.

The government will close that day. Flags will fly at half-mast.

Barbra Streisand will give her final concert again.

Now, the Pope has previous plans, but he's trying to get out of them.

However, Elvis and Jim Morrison are coming

- and they're bringing chips. - You ask a simple question...

- [ Sookie ]: Mini orange biscuits with honey-mustard ham and cheddar cheese. - Yum.

- Angel wings with dipping sauce. - Good. Good.

- Oh, did you bring me the picture? - Oh, yes.

It's too bad you couldn't get your mom to relinquish Friday night.

- No, she has her Vulcan death grip on that one. - Not that surprising though.

Emily Gilmore. You could set your watch by her.

- Although, you know what she did do last night? - Wore jeans.

- Served pudding. - I was close.

I mean, I'm sure it was some expensive form of pudding,

but nonetheless, it was pudding!

- That is amazing. - Right?

That would mean that she actually made a mental note that we liked pudding.

Which would mean that she actually listened to something other than

the judgmental conga line going on in her head, and got over the fact that

to her, pudding is hospital food, and only acceptable

when you've just had a vital organ ripped out of your body.

Wow, that's some journey she had to take there.

- Open your mouth and close your eyes. - Who are you talking to?

Right, sorry.

- Open your mouth and close your eyes. - Okay.

And get ready for something truly amazing.

- Hmm. Yeah. - Huh? Huh?

- What is it? - I don't know.

- It's like a, um... - A what?

- It's like a berry, but way more exotic. - Yes. Good.

Jackson, have you been having reactions to your fertilizer fumes again?

No, for some time now I've been toying with cross-pollination.

Finally, I've got it.

I figured out a way to cross a raspberry with a kumquat.

- Kumquat! That's what I taste! - Are you serious?

How did you do this?

You didn't build one of those machines like in "The Fly," did you?

We're not going to find you wandering the streets with a raspberry head crying, "Eat me!"

You!

You can make fun of me all you want to today, 'cause today I am a God.

Today, Mother Nature has bowed down to me!

How nice for her.

- Michel, Jackson... - No need to fill me in.

I'm quite happy being ignorant of whatever it is

that is making him raise his arms over his head.

- Do you need me? - The landscaper does.

Oh, hey, uh, Rory's birthday party is Saturday night

so start thinking up reasons why you can't come.

- I'm going to be out of town. - Oh, you used that last year.

- I'll work on it and get back to you. - 7:00. Presents mandatory. - Mmm-hmm.

Rasquat?

- Lucy, I'm home! - Kitchen.

"And Justin is just so dreamy. He can't marry Britney.

"I'll just cry, cry, and cry."

Okay, thanks.

- Pizza's on its way. - You're such a good provider. Hi.

I'm going to go start my homework. Call me when the pizza guy gets here.

[ telephone ringing ]

- Hello? - Lorelai, what is your work schedule?

- Why? - I want to go shopping.

- With me? - That goes without saying.

- Only in your world, Mom. - I want to get Rory a birthday present.

Well, I'm sure whatever you get her, she'll love.

Yes, but I want to get her something special, something she wants,

something that you would get her.

Okay, fine. You can get her the bong then.

This isn't funny. I hardly see the girl. We only get to talk at dinner once a week.

And then it's all about school, and Jane.

Lane, Mom.

I thought you might let me into your secret club just this one time

and help me buy her something for her birthday.

- You're serious? - According to you, I'm always serious.

Okay.

- Okay? - Okay.

Well, good.

I'll meet you at Damion's, tomorrow at 3:00.

Okay.

- And dress appropriately... - Don't finish that sentence, Mom.

- I'll see you tomorrow. - Attagirl.

Hey.

- What, Tristin? - I just wanted to say, "Happy birthday."

- It's not my birthday. - No, but it will be.

"On Friday at 4:03 in the morning, Lorelai Leigh..."

What is that?

Who else got these?

I don't know. Everyone in our class, I think.

♪ Happy birthday ♪

I have to go.

I'll see you Friday, birthday girl.

♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday ♪

[ girl #1 ]: That's her.

[ girl #2 ]: My parents are making me go.

- Another obligation party. - My life stinks.

[ bell ringing ]

♪ Happy birthday ♪

- Oh, isn't this lovely? - Oh, yeah.

As soon as we have her crowned Queen of England, we'll give it to her.

- You are so combative today. - Hat wear does that to me.

Oh, Mom, look. This is good.

What is that?

It's a purse shaped like a guitar. This is great.

- Great for what? - For Rory.

- What would Rory do with this? - She'd put stuff in it and carry it around.

- In public? - Yes.

- What would people think? - Well, that she's an ax murderer, of course.

[ gasping ]

What about pearls?

Pearls?

A double string of pearls with a cashmere sweater set.

Mom, she's a young girl. Think of something young.

A Montblanc pen?

- To put on her desk at the law firm? - She needs to write.

Well, not with a $200 pen, she doesn't.

[ sighing ]

Oh, hey, look.

These day planners are adorable.

You could get her one of those funky erasers with a mermaid on it. She'll love that.

Please be serious. We're shopping for Rory.

No, Mom, I'm shopping for Rory. You're shopping for your imaginary granddaughter, Barbara Hutton.

I want to get her something nice.

You asked for my help, and you're not listening to me.

You wanted me to get her a Filofax and a mermaid eraser.

- It's one suggestion. - Oh, yes.

And there was the t-shirt with a Farrah Fawcett face.

A hero to many who aspire to the perfect feather flip.

Oh, I...I don't know how to do this. Let's just go.

Oh, no, no. Come on, Mom. You do know how to do this.

Think pudding.

Pudding?

Come on, you asked for my help.

You're reaching out. A little, not a lot. Don't get freaked.

- But, Mom, pudding. - Why do you keep saying "pudding"?

Listen, just look around and pick up something she might like.

Here.

Oh, now, that's really good.

- Really? - Absolutely.

Doesn't look like something you could buy at a car wash?

Totally. That's half the charm.

- Oh, no, it's only $12. - Six dollars more than a car wash.

Twelve dollars is not a present.

Twelve dollars is a perfect present, Mom. She'll love that.

Can I at least get her the pashmina also?

- Fine, I'll get it. - Good choice.

Oh, it lights up.

[ laughing ]

She's not here yet.

All right. You'll have to entertain me until she arrives.

Okay, Burger Boy, dance.

- Will you marry me? - What?

Just looking for something to shut you up.

You better be nice to me, or I'm not inviting you

to Rory Gilmore's birthday celebration this Saturday night.

And you don't have to ask me, you know.

I know. But I would like you to come.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Okay, I'll see. - 7:00. Don't be late.

Wow, nice face you got on there.

- Coffee. - Bad day?

I've now used the word "suck" so much that it's lost all meaning to me.

Well, maybe this will cheer you up.

- What? - You'll see.

- What is that? - These are our party dresses.

So it's a Halloween party?

Listen, you. So I'm shopping today with your grandmother,

and it's a whole three hours of, "Who are you buying that for, Mom?

"Have you met Rory?" and then finally I talked and she listened.

She wound up getting you something I think you're really going to like.

- Really? - Yes, really.

And, of course, she insisted on buying us these dresses.

But I think I can do something with them to make them better.

Wow. I've never seen you so cheery after spending time with Grandma.

Well, it's been a long time since we got together and didn't end up fighting.

It was refreshing. It wasn't exactly fun,

but I didn't get that shooting pain in my eye like I usually do.

- Wow. That's great. - Yeah.

So I hear you're having a party Saturday.

Yeah. Mom's famous for her blowouts.

- The best one was her eighth birthday. - Oh, yeah, that was good.

- The cops shut us down. - Shut down an eight-year-old's birthday party?

And arrested the clown.

I don't want to hear any more of this.

[ laughing ]

So, now tell me, why Miss Lemonhead today?

Nothing. I...I'm fine.

I just got an "A"-minus on a French test that I should have gotten an "A" on.

Oh, honey, an "A"-minus is awesome.

Yeah, it's...it's fine.

Let me see.

Maybe we should really embrace the whole tulle thing.

Go totally modern Cinderella. What do you think?

It's your birthday.

Yeah, lucky me.

♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday ♪

Happy birthday, little girl.

Hey.

[ sighing ]

I can't believe how fast you're growing up.

Really?

- Feels slow. - Mmm-mmm, trust me, it's fast.

- What do you think of your life so far? - I think it's pretty good.

Any complaints?

I'd like that whole humidity thing to go away.

Mmm-hmm, all right. I'll work on that.

So, do I look older?

Oh, yeah.

You walk into Denny's before 5:00, you've got yourself a discount.

Good deal.

- So, you know what I think? - What?

[ sighing ]

I think you're a great, cool kid, and the best friend a girl could have.

Back at you.

And it's so hard to believe that at exactly this time

many moons ago, I was lying in exactly the same position...

Oh, boy, here we go.

Only I had a huge, fat stomach, and big, fat ankles.

And I was swearing like a sailor...

- On leave. - On leave, right.

- And there I was... - In labor.

And while some have called it the most meaningful experience of your life,

to me it was something more akin to doing the splits

on a crate of dynamite.

I wonder if the Waltons ever did this.

And I was screaming and swearing,

and being surrounded as I was by a hundred prominent doctors,

I just assumed there was an actual use

- for the cup of ice chips they gave me. - There wasn't.

But pelting the nurses sure was fun.

I love you, Mom.

Shh, we're getting to the part where he sees your head.

So there I was, lying...

You should not have to go to school today.

- Have to. Latin test. - Jeez. Every day you have a test.

When do you have time to learn anything to be tested on?

- Hey, wrong table. - Since when is there a right table?

Since the coffee cake I baked for you and the stupid balloons I blew up

are at that table, over there.

- You blew up balloons for me? - Yep.

Oh, Luke, you old softy.

- I count to three, it's gone. - Thank you.

[ sighing ]

- Are you okay? - Yeah, I just...

I'm getting old, Lane.

- You seem a little quiet this morning. - I'm just dreading this whole night.

I mean, it's bad enough that I have to see these stupid kids from Chilton every day.

But tonight, on my birthday?

I've never even talked to most of them.

And I've only been going to this school for a couple of months.

God, they're gonna think I am the biggest freak.

That I need my Grandma to get people to come to my party.

Well, what did Lorelai say when you told her?

- I didn't. - Why not?

- Because of the pudding. - Oh, the pudding, right, I forgot about the pudding.

My grandmother served us pudding the other night.

And then she went shopping with my mom, and they didn't fight.

I don't know, I mean, they're never getting along. And now, suddenly, they're getting along.

And I knew that if I told Mom about the invite, she'd wig out and call Grandma,

and that would be the end of the pudding.

You know, you can buy pudding.

- It's one night, right? - Right.

I can stand it for one night.

Uh, coffee to go, please.

- Here you go. - Thanks.

[ inaudible ]

- Why are you smiling? - I'm just thinking about pudding.

No, not there. In the living room.

Why are you touching that? Why are you touching that?

- I was just... - Well, don't!

I want those six inches apart. Get a ruler.

- Emily. - Let me do that.

I hope the Larsons are coming tonight.

Richard, no business. This is your granddaughter's party.

I don't think five minutes of shop talk is going to spoil the evening.

- Five minutes, please. - Emily...

- If I ever heard you keep your shop talk down to five minutes, I'd drop dead. - Emily.

In fact, I could drop dead, and you still wouldn't stop talking business.

- You'd just step right over my body to get to the speakerphone. - Emily.

- What? - You look very nice tonight.

Thank you.

[ doorbell ringing ]

Jeez, Mom, leave some servants for the rest of the neighborhood.

- There she is, the birthday girl. - Hi, Grandma.

Wow, you really went all out, huh?

Well, I wanted everything to be perfect. What do you think?

I think Edith Wharton would have been proud, and busy taking notes.

- Here, babe, go change. - Okay.

Hurry.

- What is that? - Oh, that's my dress.

- Where's the one I bought you? - This is it.

I thought there was more of it.

- Gee, Mom, the place looks great. - Did you turn Rory's into a hat?

Nice candles. Six inches apart?

[ people chattering ]

[ Richard ]: You're drinking white wine tonight? No Scotch?

- Excuse me. I'm going to sit over there with my daughter. - Okay.

[ sighing ] Here.

- What is it? - Shirley Temple.

- What are you drinking? - A Shirley Temple Black.

Wow.

I got your Good Ship Lollipop right here, mister.

So, do you want something to eat?

Everything smells funny.

There you are. Come. There's some people I want you to meet.

[ gasping ]

- Lorelai? - Yeah.

Oh, my God! Oh, Mitzi, wow, I haven't seen you since...

Your seventh month.

I was gonna say high school, but okay.

- Oh, no, did I say something rude? - No, no.

No, I did. I said something rude. I...I've been trying to work on that.

Well, a noble goal.

Ever since my divorce, I've been really trying to work on myself.

- You know, I just...I...I want to grow. - Uh-huh.

Lorelai Gilmore, the scandal girl.

Now, tell me, whatever happened with Christopher?

- Christopher is in California. - Oh, do you hear from him? - Uh...

- I'm sorry, is this painful for you to talk about? - Well...

When did he last call you?

God, you're making progress with that rude thing, huh, Mitz?

- Oh, sorry. - It's okay.

Um, he calls, like, once a week, and we see him at Christmas,

sometimes Easter. It's all very civil.

- So are you married now? - No, it's just me and Rory.

- Your cat? - My kid. She's right over there.

Oh.

Wow. You can really see Christopher in her, can't you?

- Yes, you can. - Does that kill you?

You know what? I see someone else, and it's been great.

- No, those aren't the terms we agreed on. - They most certainly are.

Lars, you were at the same meeting as I was.

We specifically spelled out a five-year extension, not a three-year one.

I heard three.

- Hey, Grandpa. - Rory.

Gentlemen, this is my granddaughter, Rory.

Happy birthday, Rory.

I think we should get Dennis on the phone right now.

Fine, I've got a phone in my office.

Well, excuse me.

Rory, there's a whole group of your school friends in the library.

Let's go say hello to them.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Just say hello first. Come on, I'll hold those for you.

- Who's that? - I think it's her party. - Oh.

Paris?

- My parents made me come. - Oh, God!

Otherwise I wouldn't be here.

You believe me, don't you?

Oh, coming to greet me?

Hello, Tristin.

- So, where's my birthday kiss? - It's my birthday.

- So, I'll give you a birthday kiss. - What is wrong with you?

Okay, I gotta tell you something.

- I'm madly in love with you. - Well, good luck with that.

I can't eat, I can't sleep.

I wake up in the middle of the night calling out your name. Rory. Rory.

Would you shut up, please?

Rory, who's your friend?

- I don't know, but this is Tristin. - Excuse me?

- Tristin Dugray, sir. - Dugray?

- Are you any relation to Janlen Dugray? - Yeah, that's my grandfather, sir.

Well, I've done business with Janlen for years.

- He's a fine man. - That he is.

Rory, you have very good taste in friends. I approve.

Richard, I've got Dennis on the phone, and he heard the same thing I heard.

Well, one wrong man can always find a friend.

- He likes me. - He's drunk.

Come on, let's take a walk.

This is stupid. You don't even like me.

You just have this weird need to prove that I'll go out with you.

That's not liking someone.

Why are you fighting this? You're gonna give in eventually.

I'm gonna go find my mother.

Wow, meeting your mom.

It's a bit sudden, but okay, I'm ready.

Oh, there you are.

I think it's time that you said a few words to your guests.

- What? - Just a little speech to say thank you

and tell everyone how it feels to be a year older.

- Mom, I don't think she's... - She's the hostess, Lorelai.

- This is her responsibility. - I am not the hostess. You are.

Hey, honey, hold on.

This is your party, and these are your guests.

- I don't have anything to say to them. So you give the speech. - Rory! - Excuse me.

What was that all about?

Lorelai, your daughter has no manners whatsoever.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Okay, how did this become my fault?

[ sighing ]

- Hey, can I come in? - It's your room.

How are you doing?

I'm sorry I snapped at Grandma.

Yeah, huh? That was a pretty "Freaky Friday" moment we had back there.

She just went ahead and invited all those kids from Chilton.

You're kidding. I thought she checked on that with you.

- She didn't ask me, or tell me. - Oh, man, I'm so sorry.

I just...I don't know, but it really made me mad.

- Oh, honey, why didn't you tell me? - Because you were happy.

I mean, it's not very often that there's peace between you two.

I...I didn't want to screw everything up.

Rory, I appreciate you wanting Mom and I to get along,

but you shouldn't keep such stuff like that from me.

I feel terrible. I mean, I've never yelled at her before.

Listen, you'll apologize. All will be forgotten.

You'll see.

Mmm.

Man. It's like time has stood still in this room.

It must be weird for you to be in this room now.

Yeah, it was weird for me to be in this room then.

You know, um, they gave this to me with the glass on.

I now officially know what it feels like to have grown up here.

Hmm, it's not official until you're huddled in a corner, eating your hair.

Do you remember your last birthday here?

Yeah. We had just had a fight, and I was lying on the bed just like you are now.

What did you fight about?

- Well...I was pregnant. - Oh, that.

And I said something at the table about the pate smelling like Clorox,

and one thing led to another, and I wound up here.

They hadn't told anybody yet about me...and you.

- That must have been really hard on them. - Yeah.

I remember when I finally told them

it was the only time they ever looked small to me.

- I guess I'd better go find Grandma. - Hmm, give her a minute.

- There you are. - She'll find us.

You are both being very rude. This isn't my birthday party, you know.

- Sorry, Mom. - Honestly, the way the two of you act.

- Grandma, I just want to say... - We'll talk about this later. Now go.

[ Emily ]: Thank you. Good to see you.

Lovely as always, Leeza.

My best to Darren.

Hey, Mom.

Great party. One of your best.

I even liked those brown mushroom things.

Grandma, can I talk to you for a sec?

Richard, the girls are leaving.

- Well, Rory, I hope you had a good time. - Yes, I did.

Now, I know your grandmother has already bought you a gift

and signed my name to it.

That was part of our agreement when we got married.

However, I feel this occasion calls for something a little extra.

Put that towards your trip to Fez.

- Oh, Grandpa. - You're a good girl, Rory. Happy birthday.

- I don't deserve this. - Fine. Hand it over.

You girls should get going. You've got quite a drive ahead of you.

Grandma, we're having a party tomorrow at our house.

And, I mean, it won't be anything like this,

but it will be fun. And maybe you and Grandpa could come.

That's very sweet, dear, but I'm afraid we already have plans.

- Oh, okay. - Have a safe trip.

Lock the door behind you, okay?

Hey, um, why don't you go help that guy out there put all the presents in the car?

Okay.

- All this can go in the dishwasher. - Mmm-hmm.

- Mom, come to the party tomorrow. - I can't. I'm busy.

Throw those out. We won't eat them.

Mom, your granddaughter invited you to her birthday party. Please come.

I've already been to a party for my granddaughter,

and she humiliated me in front of all my friends.

I have no desire to relive that experience.

The cheeses must be put in individual bags, please.

Mom, come on. Give her a break.

You invited all these Chilton kids without even asking her.

They're her schoolmates. I assumed they were her friends.

You know what they say when people assume things.

No, what do they say?

- That...you shouldn't. - Very clever.

Mom, she didn't want them here. She doesn't like them.

Well, I had to invite them.

That's just good manners, something that your daughter is sorely lacking.

God, you know, you're doing the same thing to her that you always did to me.

You try to control her. And when that doesn't work you just shut her out.

I'm too tired for your accusations right now.

- Can we do this tomorrow? - I'm just... - I'll find you a pen

so you can write down your insults so you won't forget them.

Mom, this is not funny. I have a crushed kid out in the car.

What do you want me to say?

Everything's fine. It's forgotten. There. I'll see you next week.

So I guess the whole pudding thing was just a...a fluke, huh?

Trying to get to know us, easing up on the rules,

smudging that bottom line of yours. It was just some weird phase.

What, you were on cold medicine last week or something?

Oh, so I'm a villain now, is that it? I spent a fortune on this party.

I spent days planning it, making sure every detail was perfect:

the food, the linen, the music. And I did all this for Rory.

That's not what she needed, Mom.

What she needs is for you to accept her apology

and come to her party. That's what she needs.

- But you don't care what she needs. - How dare you?

You don't even know what she needs 'cause you don't know her.

You've never tried to know her, just like you never knew me.

- Oh, I know you. - You don't know anything about me.

Oh, you'd like to think that. That you're just some huge mystery to me?

"Why does Lorelai do that?

"I don't know. She's a mystery to me."

- Well, you're not so mysterious, Lorelai. - No, no. What am I then?

Right now you're very loud and disruptive to the entire cleaning process.

For God's sake, what do I have to do to get you to put the damn cheese in individual bags?

Fine, I giv... I give up.

Oh, you give up? If I had a dollar for every time you gave up...

Then you could pay for this party, couldn't you?

- I made coffee. - Mmm.

Hangover?

- Emily. - Oh. Got it. Moving on.

- Good morning. - Morning, Popcorn.

- You want some pancakes? - No, I've gotta get going.

- Where? - The college fair is today.

So you're going to get yet another Harvard brochure?

I just want to see if they've changed the pictures.

Weirdo.

I'll be back in plenty of time to help you decorate.

No, this is your party. You do not work.

You lounge and mock those who are. Have I taught you nothing?

- Sorry. I'll try to be better. Bye. - Okay, bye-bye.

- New brochure? - Yes.

- What are you doing here? - There's a college fair going on.

- No. I mean, what are you doing here? - I'm getting a new brochure.

- Why? - Because they're not selling pizza.

- Oh, no. - You can't.

- You're applying to Harvard? - Yes. - No.

Ten generations of Gellers have gone to Harvard.

I have to go to Harvard.

- I can't believe this. - You can go somewhere else.

Go to Brandeis. Brandeis is nice.

I've only ever wanted to go to Harvard.

That's it. Nowhere else.

- It's a big school. - I guess.

- We'll probably never see each other. - You think?

- [ sighing ] And if we do, we duck. - Okay.

So...

- Hey. Are you dating Tristin? - What? No. No way.

- Do you like him? - Not even a little.

- Really? - Really.

Okay.

- Hey. Nice party. - Thanks.

♪ [ music blaring ]

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi, everybody. Happy birthday, Rory.

Oh, my God.

Open it, open it, open it.

- No! - Do you like it?

[ laughing ]

- You can take it back. - No, I love it.

- It's perfect. - It's blue, and it has a handle.

- It's way too expensive. - I know.

- That's what I told the guy at the store. - Okay, on three, 'cause I'm gonna drop it.

Okay. One, two...

[ All ]: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Rory ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Yeah!

Make a wish.

[ all cheering ]

All right, everybody, I need your attention, attention, attention, please.

[ clearing throat ]

This is a very serious moment.

- Two priests, a rabbi, and a duck... - [ all laughing ]

- Mom. - All right, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Um, I would like to propose a toast

to the one thing in my life that is always good,

that's always sweet,

- and without whom I would have no reason to get up in the morning. - [ all exclaiming ]

My pal, Rory. Cheers. Cheers.

Here's to you, birthday girl.

And in honor of this very special girl,

I now invite you all to help me eat her face.

[ all laughing ]

And you may have the first cut.

- There's something very strange - [ doorbell ringing ] - about hacking into my own head.

Jeez, who the hell's ringing the bell? It's a party. Get your ass in here.

Or asses, I guess.

Grandma, Grandpa,

I can't believe you're here. I'm so glad you came.

- Hey, no tie? - I thought I'd mix it up a little.

- Look, Grandma, look. - Why, it looks lovely.

I want you to meet everyone. Everyone, these are my grandparents.

- [ All ]: Hi. - [ Richard ]: Hello.

- Lorelai... - Emily, Dad.

Lorelai, you look well.

I'm Patricia LaCosta.

We just love your daughter and granddaughter.

Thank you.

My God, you're a tall speciman of a man.

Must be all that good air in Hartford.

Mom, Dad, can I get you a drink?

- No, thank you. - Oh, no, Mom, you're going to need one.

And I have wine glasses that say, "Holiday Inn" on them.

- Stoli on the rocks with a twist. - Right.

- Um, okay, uh, my parents are here. - No.

Yeah, uh, I've cursed in front of them twice, and Miss Patty already tried to hit on my dad,

and I'm sure Mom is going to call Child Protective Services.

- God, when was the last time they were here? - Never.

- Not once? - Not since we moved here.

I mean, they'd come down and visit us occasionally when Rory was a baby,

and we lived at the Inn, but they have never been here.

Wow, that's big stuff. Is Rory thrilled?

- Through the roof. - Oh, that's great.

Lorelai, I just tried some of those hors d'oeuvres.

They're unbelievable.

- Who is your caterer? - Sookie.

- What's a Sookie? - That's a Sookie.

- Hi, Sookie St. James. - Sookie's the chef at the Inn, Mom.

- My dear, you are very talented. - Thank you.

Well, you must cater my next party. When my friends get wind of you,

you'll have so much business, you won't know what to do with yourself.

But remember, I discovered you.

Mom, Sookie has a job. She's the chef at the Inn.

The...the Inn where we work.

My Inn.

Six days a week, Mom. She cooks there every day.

- Just give her your number, or we'll never get out of here. - Okay.

- [ Lorelai ]: So, how does it look? - It doesn't look structurally sound.

Drink up, Dad.

Okay, don't panic.

- Oh, good opening line. What's wrong? - We're out of ice.

How can we be out of ice?

We had a ton of ice. It was like a penguin habitat in there.

I don't know how it happened.

I just know it's happened. And somehow we have to deal with it.

Well, I will go and get some then.

[ gasping ] Oh, my God! You're a vision!

- Sookie, we have ice. - Hallelujah.

How did you know?

Well, a good rule of thumb is you can never have too much ice.

Oh, you're the best!

[ laughing ]

Oh, hi, Mom. This is, uh, my friend Luke.

- How do you do? - Fine, thank you.

Well, I'd better get these in the freezer before they melt.

Well, not very likely in here.

Grandpa.

- Rory, what a lovely party. - I brought you something to read. - Oh.

It's not "The Wall Street Journal",

but there's a quiz there that determines whether you're a summer or a fall.

I appreciate this. Thank you.

Oh, Morey, you remember the time that Rory decided

that our old tree stump was a fairy ring?

- I sure do. - How old was she then, sugar?

I think she was about 10.

Hey, all I know is that it matched the description.

Oh, God, she was cute.

She used to sit out there with a peanut-butter sandwich,

just waiting for the fairy to get hungry.

Okay. New story?

Oh, well, I'm still crushed beyond belief that she quit her ballet lessons.

Oh, not me.

Miss Perfect Work Ethic would prance around this room 24 hours a day.

- And I still stunk. - I can vouch for that.

- That's not true. - She was pretty bad.

No, don't you listen to them. You had a true gift.

[ people chuckling ]

What?

She did. She was talented.

I made that.

- Really? - From, uh, Rory's old baby clothes.

How nice. I hope you washed them first.

Oh, rats. I knew I forgot something.

That's quite an assortment of characters you have assembled down there.

They're great people.

- This Patricia. - Miss Patty.

- She teaches dance? - Among other things.

- And this man with the ice? - Luke.

How long have you been seeing him?

- Luke? I'm not seeing Luke. He's, uh, just a friend. - Mmm-hmm.

Mom, I swear. Luke keeps me in coffee. Nothing else.

He seems to like you.

- And you're judging this by what? - By the way he looked at you.

Which was how?

Like you were about to give him a lap dance.

[ giggling ]

- Mom, he did not look at me like that. - You're pleased.

- What? - You smiled.

You're pleased that the ice man looked at you like a Porterhouse steak.

I'm smiling because you're crazy

and that's what you do to crazy people to keep them calm.

- What's this? - Well, that's me, Mom.

I know that's you. You're wearing a cast.

Yeah. That's when I broke my leg.

- You broke your leg? - Yeah, three years ago during a yoga class.

The headstand portion took a very ugly turn.

The good thing was that I brought the smug, blonde, pretzel chick down with me.

I've since learned that I'm a bit too competitive for yoga.

- I never knew that you broke your leg. - It was no big deal, Mom.

If I had been really sick you would have known.

Yeah. Well...you know, you could get a maid in here once a week to at least tidy the place up.

- I like it cluttered. - You can't even find the bed.

Yes, I can. It's the thing I crash into on the way to the closet.

I should go check on your father.

It was nice that you came tonight, Mom.

It meant a lot to Rory. Really.

Well, she is my granddaughter, after all.

- I should be here. - I totally agree.

Leave it, Mom.

[ people chattering ]

- It's time to go now. - Uh, in a minute, please.

- Rory, we're going to get going now. - Thank you for coming.

Thank you for asking me.

Ah. Lovely party.

I enjoyed the reading material immensely.

- So what's the verdict? - I am an autumn.

- Interesting. - Isn't it?

Hey. So are you guys leaving? The mud wrestling starts in ten minutes.

Good night, Lorelai. We had a lovely time.

And with a straight face you said that.

I'd have that chimney inspected, if I were you.

I'll get right on that, Dad.

- Uh, for Fez. - But, Grandpa, you already took care of Fez.

Fez is a very large city.

[ sighing ]

So?

- Food fight? - Absolutely.

Emily?

She's right. I don't know my daughter at all.

We should go. Traffic.

[ car engine starting ]

Next year, we are going to a McDonald's with one of those slides, and that's it.

The party was a hit.

And we'll be eating onion dip for breakfast for a week.

You know, you mix that dip with ground turkey and some garlic, and it is really not too bad.

- Hey, I'm not looking for a recipe. - Oh, reflex. Sorry.

- Okay, I'm gonna go check the living room. - Okay.

[ sighing ]

You didn't have to get me anything.

Sorry. That's the rules. You get older, you get a gift.

I'm sorry about this sort of sneaky thing.

I...I just haven't told my mother yet about you.

- I mean, not that there's anything to tell. I...I... - It's okay. This is better.

Oh, my God. It's beautiful.

Well, I bought the medallion, and I just cut some leather straps

and drilled a hole and, well...

Do you like it?

- I...it's amazing. - Good.

- Thank you. - Here.