Original subtitles

(dog barking)

(sniffling)

Come on, sweetie.

- I can't believe this bullshit. - Mom: Diane, please.

All he ever did was yell at you. "You're not fast enough.

You're too afraid to get into the corners.

You're a wimp." That's all he ever said.

Diane-- that's enough!

Wake up, stupid.

Right now, he's drunk in some bar 1,000 miles away,

- and he's not coming back. - Mom: Diane, I said that's enough!

I miss him.

I wish you would stop being so tough on her.

Gimme a break, Mom. She's 18, okay?

She's got no dad, I've got no dad.

And you've got no husband. What else is new?

Let's do it. All right! Whoo!

Let's go, guys! Whoo!

Hey, 17!

(whistle toots)

Man: My guests today are Bernie Placek,

and Stan Vronek of the Lion's Club.

So, you guys gave away

your annual athletic achievement award last week.

- Uh-huh. - Yes.

And this year's recipient was...

Cornwall Collegiate and Vocational's

big number 17...

Leftwinger Tina Menzhal?

(clearing throat) Yes.

And she's the daughter of "Merrick" Menzhal,

who used to be with the aces, right?

You brought some videotape of the event, so why don't we look at it now?

Host: Now here we see Tina,

coming out of the school.

Unfortunately, there's no sound, right, guys?

- Stan: No. - You didn't switch on the mic?

- No. - No.

Here she is coming home...

she's obviously very happy...

she's very happy...

as she should be, very happy.

And there's her mother, very proud.

- Oh, yeah. - Yes.

And her sister, somebody told me she wants to be

some kind of a scientist?

Bernie: Yeah, she's the one with the brains.

#Yeah!

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! That was Too Many Cooks.

That was the latest, Follow Me. Is this band hot? I think so.

I'm talking to Michelle Walker, from the Icon Model Agency,

who's brought us pictures of new, hot things.

Who's this face, Michelle? How's it going? Hey, what's up?

Tell us about this. Is this the new hot thing?

This picture was sent to us, believe it or not,

by a sports photographer from Cornwall.

- You're kidding me. - No, I'm not.

And you pay a finder's fee for a girl like this?

Yeah, we do. Mm-hmm, of course.

Man: Well, they began by offering me 250 bucks,

which was disappointing.

Well, what were you hoping for?

I told them I heard stories about how some guys were getting

Like 3% of all the girls' earnings for five years.

- Something like that. - What was their reaction?

They laughed.

Okay, all right, so this girl comes to town, and we wanna cover the story.

Now, would somebody please explain to me

why every cameraman in this joint

is ready to kill his own mother to get that assignment?

What's your problem? So, she's gonna become a model, big deal!

What's your problem, boys? Grow up, I'm not pretty enough for you?

Anyways, Renoir won the dogfight, and here's what he brought back.

Have a look.

#Come on and follow me to the other side

#Come on and follow me to the other side

#Come on and follow me to the other side

#Come on and follow me to the other side!

#Yeah.

Yes, Philippe.

I know you don't do tests, Philippe, I know this.

Listen, Michelle thinks we have something here.

I think we have something here. Do you understand?

You don't want me to send this girl to somebody else.

Trust me on this one. Am I getting through here?

You want to test this girl.

Tina.

Man: What are you going to do to her?

We've got to wash and polish her.

Make her-- make her shine.

It's a sizable investment.

- Man: You think she's worth it? - Oh, yeah.

The world always needs another blonde.

Man: She's not blonde.

On the outside.

Tina: I have a tattoo.

Let me see.

- Anything else I should know about? - No.

Take off your bra, please.

Is this God's work?

Mm-hmm.

I hate God.

Woman: Marek was 18 when he escaped from the iron curtain.

He was a very good player, but for some reason

he wasn't able to make it to the show.

We went everywhere-- Halifax, Indianapolis,

Tulsa, Charlotte,

and then here.

It sounds like a tough life.

Yeah.

And when they finally traded him to Cape Breton, he just cracked.

You haven't heard from him since then?

No.

The girls were devastated, especially Tina.

- She still wears his old team jacket. - How did you manage?

Well, you know, it was very hard at first, but...

now Diane has a scholarship,

and Tina was offered a job in Montreal.

At first, she didn't wanna go, but I made her realize

that I wasn't gonna be able to support her indefinitely.

We miss each other a lot, though.

Well, Ann...

that was absolutely wonderful.

Don't go away,

we'll be back in a moment with Dr. Evelyn Lou,

author of "Frigidity: Curse or Blessing?"

(mooing)

Reporter: This country is drowning in milk--

whole milk. HDT milk. Powdered milk.

The surpluses are staggering.

Analysts calculate that if the per capita consumption of ice cream

were to be increased by only one cone-person per week,

the milk surplus could be reduced by 21%,

in the first year alone.

So, how do you get people to eat more ice cream?

You advertise.

Man: You've got to grab their attention.

Address the hidden desires...

Like Haagen Dazs did in England.

Sex and ice cream, ice cream and sex.

But we're not doing sex here.

I mean, our Canadian women's focus group

didn't appreciate the sex thing.

So, it's more fun and ice cream,

ice cream and fun.

Reporter: Philippe Gascon is the award-winning photographer

who was picked to turn the ideas of the creative team

into eye-catching advertising.

Every detail is thoroughly discussed and studied.

When you're working at this level, nothing is left to chance.

- (car horn honking) - It's zero hour!

And right here, right now, this is the moment and the place to be.

Barry Levine's new happening,

Italasia! Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Here's red-hot fashion photographer Philippe Gascon.

And guess what?

As usual, he's with another pretty girl I'm ready to hate.

Hi, Michelle, this is Tina.

Ooh-hoo-hoo, she's gorgeous. Where do you find these creatures?

- Well, she came knocking on my door. - No, no, no,

tell me it's not that simple.

Well, actually--

Okay, I'll tell you what, why don't we knock on this door,

and join the party, right? And you can come with us.

Barry-- oh, you've done it again. This place is red hot!

And who are these other beautiful people?

Oh, Michelle, this is my wife Ruth, my son David,

and my equestrian champion daughter Monica.

- Nice to meet you. - Barry Levine, what's your secret?

It's no secret, Michelle. Right place, right cuisine

foremost, the right atmosphere, the right people.

You want a certain mix, a few American movie stars when they're in town,

sports celebrities, media people, business personalities,

obviously, a few models.

You're looking for a subtle combination,

a very elusive one. One that says, "Hey, this is gonna be the place

where things are happening. This is gonna be hot."

I'm very proud of Barry, because his priorities are in order--

you know, his children, his family, his home.

There's more to Barry than the glitter,

and I'm the one who knows that,

and that makes me very happy.

- Thank you for this wonderful moment. - You're welcome.

We're really Barry Levine groupies.

When he had The Express,

- we were there all the time, and then... - Ovation.

Yes, and now this place, it's really--

I have gotta tell you, I love your jacket.

Oh, well, it's a long story--

How about these sashimis, Philippe?

Well... the arrangement is so perfect, you hesitate to take one.

- Michelle: How about you? - This is a little weird, l--

Uh-oh, Barry, this girl is calling your sashimis weird.

No, it's just...

That's the advantage of being beautiful.

You can say anything you want, and get away with it.

Ooh!

(theme music plays, cheering)

(speaking French)

(applause, cheering)

(applause)

(laughter)

I'm sorry, I don't speak French.

- Nobody's perfect. - (laughter)

But I think you are very close.

I saw you coming in with this guy.

- Is he your boyfriend? - I can't talk.

(speaking French)

Why don't you have a seat? Merci.

So, are you ashamed of this man?

Is there a dark secret you want to share with us?

Well, I'm not supposed to be seen with him.

Why? Because he is too old for you?

Well, it's like, if other photographers

knew I was with him, they wouldn't hire me.

We won't tell.

Yeah, right. The whole world knows.

Look at him. He's laughing. I'm toast.

They're gonna send me back to Cornwall, thank you very much.

- You're going to Paris. - Paris? Paris, France?

My God.

But, you don't speak French.

- I know a few words. - Say one.

I can't. They're all dirty words, I think.

I know this one: Vicieuse.

He likes it when I am vicieuse, or...

(audience laughs)

Do you know some other words?

(laughter grows)

Please speak French to me.

Woman: Paris...

eternal city of lights, capital of fashion,

citadel of bon gout.

And what could be further from the dark satanic mills of Midlands,

than this luxurious hotel particulier?

The quartier general of Wolverhampton's own Nigel Pope,

Britain's latest fashion buccaneer,

to broadside the world of Parisian haute couture.

Nigel: No, no, no, no!

Nigel is brash, abrasive, sometimes even cruel.

He is mad, bad, and oh-so-dangerous to know.

Collaborators are often reduced to tears,

but they forgive him, for the sake of his genius.

La, la, la-- that's fun.

This is fashion! Now, pick that up!

(with British accent) Well, I mean, the guy's just totally cool.

And he's so hot at the moment.

I mean, the buzz is positively deafening.

This is the show of the week, this is his moment,

and I want to be part of it. I'd do it for nothing,

and I probably will, if he chooses me.

Which he will.

(with slavic accent) The clothes, food,

houses, men...

It's top. Paris is top.

I really hope they take me.

I could really use the work.

I've been here for two months.

It's a really tough city.

Who did this, love?

I got those done in Montreal. Philippe Gascon?

Am I supposed to know who that is?

Well, he's really number one up there.

Is he your boyfriend, or...

is that too much of a cliche to be true?

- Well, l-- - Okay, love, can you walk for me?

Here?

Yes. Walk.

You know, one foot in front of the other?

Repeat as needed. You know.

Thanks, love.

I thought I told you, no more of this.

Okay? Please.

I'm begging you, one more like that

and you're fired. Next!

(speaking French)

I can't fucking believe this, this place is incredible.

I hate this fucking country! You hear? I hate it!

I'm flying the fuck out of here this afternoon,

if I have to turn tricks on the street to pay for my fucking ticket.

I'd rather go back to fucking Cornwall!

TV hostess: A familiar, yet all grown-up Tina Menzhal

was back in Cornwall this week following her whirlwind success

on the fashion catwalks of Paris.

Although she makes fun of it, proof of Tina's new celebrity

can be found on every Canadian wall.

And after the finicky food of Paris,

who wouldn't yearn for the down-home taste

of the Cromwell barbecue on Second Avenue?

Manager Nick Costas was on hand to toast the ladies.

So, Tina, we're all dying to know, how was Paris?

Well, it was a real challenge, because--

I just want you to know that we are all so proud of you.

Yeah. Well, in this kind of work,

after you do a few months in Montreal,

they send you to either Paris or Milan--

- You went alone? - Yeah--

Pardon me for being indiscreet, and I certainly don't mean to pry--

that is not the style of this show,

I'm sure you're well aware-- but I'd like to ask you

if there's any truth to the rumor we've all heard,

that you were at some point

seriously involved with a photographer in Montreal,

a French photographer.

You mean Philippe Gascon?

I'm always looking for beauty.

My car is about beauty.

My pictures are about beauty.

And beauty is about youth.

Stupid people will tell you,

"Oh, they are beautiful, all the people."

This is politically correct bullshit.

Old age might bring you wisdom, but in my job

we retouch everyone over 20.

He was really great to be with.

And he took great care of me.

But when I came back,

I found out he wasn't the kind of person...

that you'd wanna spend your life with.

Because of the age difference?

Oh, no. I love older men.

No, I discovered... things.

"Things"?

Well, he's a very visual person,

very into photography and video.

He liked to tape me.

Oh, well, now, this is very interesting.

In my practice, I find lots of couples

using videotapes as an erotic aid.

Yeah, but it wasn't just me.

He had tapes of himself

with other girls while I was away.

Oh, dear.

Yeah, like with a hidden camera.

Now, this is very unhealthy.

I don't know. It might be a little square, but--

You know, Tina, this is the kind of pain

that so many women-- our viewers--

have access to.

Some ex-girlfriends have called me immature, and worse things,

but they said the same thing about Picasso,

and every great artist.

Beauty is about sex.

That's why women can't be great artists.

There is no hierarchy, you know?

Best artists are often gay men,

because they have a woman's sensibility, and a man's sex drive.

Then you have heterosexual male;

then... Lesbians, half man, half woman;

and then, at the bottom, heterosexual women.

When I see a new beautiful girl,

I start shaking, exactly like Matisse

when he heard the footsteps of a new model

coming up to his atelier.

Literally, I tremble in front of her beauty.

That's who I am, I'm not gonna change.

No way.

I'm sorry, this is me. Take it or leave it.

- (bell ringing) - That's another $120 pledge.

Great!

Now we all know that Montrealers are starved for good TV

that's worth watching, and worth paying for.

You want The Three Tenors with Pavarotti?

You want John Tesh at Red Rock with Yanni?

They're all here, on public television.

And tonight, we have two very special Montrealers

who've come down to help us with your pledge.

Famous restaurateur Barry Levine from ltalasia.

I've eaten there, and it's absolutely heaven.

And the model Tina Menzhal,

who obviously everybody wants to speak to tonight.

- (bell ringing) - Ah! Another $120!

Remember, ask for Tina,

and if you like good food, ask for Barry!

Reporter: Bruce Taylor is a man

who lives his entire life through the viewfinder.

When he's not shooting covers for today's top fashion magazines,

he's usually filming obscure documentaries

on his favorite avant-garde jazz musicians,

or directing high-end television commercials,

Like this one for Nakashimi's Liquid One.

Bruce, can I ask you a personal question?

The rumors are false, I am not marrying Cameron Diaz,

we just happen to be very good friends.

No, seriously, including that, how many cameras do you own?

- I'm afraid that's too personal. - Oh, come on, you can tell me.

Don't ask, it's like having too many shoes.

Too many shoes.

Starring in this commercial

is hockey superstar Steve Bourque of the New York Rangers,

who is himself no stranger to the world of high-art photography.

Less than a year ago, Steve appeared in "Charmed Bodies, "

Bruce Taylor's portrait of professional and Olympic athletes.

Enjoy.

I feel I have to stretch, you know?

Whether it be film, television,

or the media.,

there's only so far you can go pushing Gatorade.

Not that Gatorade isn't an excellent beverage--

Reporter: And spicing up the mix for Liquid One

is stunning newcomer Tina Menzhal,

Bruce Taylor's latest discovery.

Tell me, Tina, you must have just died when you went in to see Bruce Taylor.

No, I didn't die--

For somebody like you in your position, this is, after all, a chance of a lifetime!

Well, you never know--

You must have been knocking yourself on the head saying, "This is my life!"

Yeah, well, I knew I could skate--

And you've also just been signed by super agent Renny Ohayon?

Ohayon from WCM in New York City.

Talk about a Cinderella story, ladies and gentlemen.

- Yeah. - Yes!

I never really get a chance to leave my office,

but I got a phone call from my good buddy Bruce Taylor,

who said I had to come up here--

by the way, it's a lovely city, very European charm.

Anyway, I met Tina, and we just clicked.

Bruce Taylor sweeps into town, I beg, plead and grovel to get her an audition.

She gets the job, but then turns around

and signs an exclusive with WCM. Not only that, she also steals my best booker,

who's now running away to New York with her.

So... you want me to be smiling about this?

Thank you.

Really, it's not a question of this agency, or that agency,

it's more a question of potential,

of opportunity, market size, scope, range, global appeal...

all of this.

Reporter: Wow, so you're moving to New York?

Yeah, me and Rosie on Broadway, can you believe it?

Yeah.

The Montreal location is only the first part

of this exciting project. Early next week,

stars and crew will be moving to the Big Apple

for the final segment of this glamour shoot.

Of course, our cameras, as always, will be there for you.

Right now, this is Susie Tucker for Fashion One,

saying goodbye from Montreal, and see you backstage.

We good?

Great, thank you.

Bruce, stop filming my schnoz from the side, will you?

- Everything all right, boys? - Excellent.

- Everything okay? - Fantastic.

Lots of peppers in that tub, make sure the pasta gets it.

Oh-hh!

- Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah, I'm okay.

- Can you sign this, please? - Yeah, what's your name?

- Chris. - How old are you, Chris?

- 10. - You play hockey?

Thanks.

Keep it up.

Sorry.

Hey! What is this?

Hey, uh...

Bruce: How old is this guy?

I don't care. He listens to me. He takes care of me.

And he's not married?

Yeah, but it's over.

- Do you live together? - He wants to come with me to New York.

So, he's getting a divorce?

He will.

But he still wants to see his kids. I understand that.

What's the guy gonna do in New York?

Well, this is a very successful businessman.

You may not know him, but here he's on TV every other day.

I don't know what you think of him, but he's not just a caterer.

He did that for me, basically.

But no, he's got plans and--

Let's talk about you. What are your plans for New York?

I don't know. I don't know what you're getting me into.

(music plays)

(birds chirping)

- Tina tell us, how do you like Broadway? - Wow.

- Is it everything you hoped for? - Oh, much more. What could I say?

This is the center of the universe. I love it. I'm so happy.

Susie: Steve, are you gonna show her around?

- Whatever it takes. - Watch out, big boy.

Ouch.

Bruce, I mean, you must be ecstatic!

Only idiots are ecstatic about their own work.

This is a very difficult environment to work with.

"When it rains lemons, make lemonade."

That's the true nature of genius,

it's-- it's great.

It is now official, the supermodel is dead.

I mean, honestly, I'm going to die,

Literally, to die, if I have to look at one more picture

of the German automated cash machine, or the all-American bore.

The English waif!

Come on, girls, you had your moment,

and it was a long one. God, was it ever,

but I think you've overextended it.

So now, if you don't mind, bye-bye.

We are going to finally move on.

We are moving towards collage,

sharpness, topicality, a touch of androgyny,

a subtext of fitness,

while keeping an undercurrent of seduction,

mixed with the ruthlessness of someone

who is taking no prisoners.

I just love this look.

It's theirs, but it should be yours too.

Fashionable Midtown, oceans of limousines, beautiful people.

This is opening night in New York, right? Wrong.

This new restaurant, The Model Life, is not open yet.

Don't even try to get a reservation.

But the owners are staging pre-opening private parties,

the latest New York fad.

They call it a "soft opening."

In there, everybody's either famous or beautiful.

No, it's not some commercial strategy, not at all.

We're just trying to respond

to the tremendous number of requests we've been getting.

How can we say no to Bret Easton Ellis' editor,

or Jay McInerney's? I mean, we can't.

People nowadays, they just don't want to wait.

They want to be able to say, "Oh, yeah, The Model Life,

wow, it was fabulous. I was there a month ago."

Then people will go, "l didn't think it was open yet."

"No, I was there at a private party."

It means, "l was on the inside, I was backstage."

I think that's the statement people are making here tonight,

and we're sure glad that they are.

The play is terrific, fantastic. I'm bringing a whole lot of people next week.

Hey, how ya doin'?

Thank you very much.

Hello, how are you? How's the new record?

Fantastic, great. We'll put it on the sound system.

Make sure I get a CD.

I'm spending my life on the ice, being chased by toothless goons.

I need a place just to unwind.

This looks like it could be one of those places.

Interviewer: Are you the model connection here?

I don't know, but I'm always impressed

with what Barry can come up with. This is--

I think that we have created that unique kind of excitement which says,

"Hey, this is the place where you have to hang out."

(chanting) Om...

Now we will all join hands,

and form a healing circle for our sister Ruth.

Those of you at home may touch your TV.

Ruth... share your pain with us.

Ruth's husband of many years has just left her. How many years, Ruth?

17.

Let us feel your grief, Ruth.

And did he say why he left you, Ruth?

Oh, I know the slut.

Tina-- I saw the bitch coming.

And I want them dead.

Goddamn fuckers!

Very good, Ruth. Very good.

See this... as a very positive moment.

Brooklyn erupted in violence last night,

but it didn't involve Colombian drug dealers,

or Bed-Stuy area gangs.

Militant members of the group TODA--

the Total Devotion to Animals movement--

stormed a fur fashion shoot on the waterfront.

I'm from Bremen. I know violence.

These people are crazy.

I was recording Werner's lighting position with this

when they jumped us.

Close again, and flash! Boom, take a picture, shoot her!

(man yelling) Fur equals death!

Murderer!

Oof--!

Reporter: $400,000 worth of furs were destroyed in the attack,

as well as $80,000 worth of photographic equipment.

Only one casualty was reported.

Samantha Burke, a romance language major at Wellesley,

had her jaw broken in three places.

(garbled)

We believe if you're fascist enough to wear fur,

- what can human life mean, anyway? - Yes.

Fashion model Tina Menzhal

was questioned this morning by NYPD detectives.

Tina was raised in the wilderness.

She's very, very concerned with all forms of animal life.

In fact, her sister is a biologist.

Very few people know this, but Tina has native blood.

Isn't Menzhal an Eastern European name?

On her father's side. Her mother has native blood, Ojibwa, I believe.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Hello again. It's 10 minutes to 9:00.

We're talking with Canadian UN ambassador Blaine De Castillon,

Model Tina Menzhal,

and Irving Ugibugimew, president of SARRC,

the Subarctic Renewable Resources Corporation.

Tina, they threw paint at you,

then charged you with assault.

- Yes-- - Many people, including other models,

are campaigning against furs.

De Castillon: Ironically, these are the same people

who decry the fate of the native community.

Their political agenda blinds them to the fact that our native people

still hunt and trap for a living.

My feeling is that no one has to wear fur,

just as no one has to eat meat.

I think what Miss Menzhal is saying... is that wearing furs

shows a sensitivity, and a solidarity to the issues

facing Native Americans and Canadians today.

- Do you agree, Mr. Ugibugimew? - Emphatically.

15 minutes to first outfits.

15 minutes, girls.

I got so many good pictures.

Please, I'm here as a private person. I'm just a fan, that's all.

This is zero hour, this is the moment.

Every person in the universe is sitting out there.

This is the show of the season!

(horns playing)

(applause)

(loud applause, cheering)

That was incredible. What do you think, girls?

What a reaction. It was amazing--

the colors, the clothing, the edge, the danger,

the aura, the vibe!

I was very impressed by the deconstructed elements.

I felt he really...

subverted the notions of collective anomie.

Come on, let's go party!

I have to wait for Barry.

No, no, no, no, no. I saw him leave after the show.

We have to drink.

Hey, Bobby? Nunzio. Yeah.

We got the black chick with the funny accent.

We got her, yep.

Hey, hey, babe, where are you?

What do you mean, you just left? I'm standing here waiting.

What?

Forget it. Okay.

Well, I guess I'll go to the restaurant, right?

Okay, fine, fine.

Hey, are you my car?

My way of understanding the world

is to shoot pictures of it.

Right now, I'm following this girl, Tina Menzhal,

and I'm shooting stuff about her,

with her, around her.

You don't know what you're going to do with this material?

- I don't have the vaguest idea. - Why this subject? Why this girl?

Well... by following somebody like that,

you hope to catch something important

of the mood, of the spirit of the time.

I guess.

- Host: The Zeitgeist. - Yeah.

Host: The superficiality of our time?

Yeah... maybe.

You've got to remember that

superficiality never killed anybody.

I'd take Andy Warhol any day over...

Lenin, Heidegger, or Pol Pot, you name 'em.

You may think that Calvin Klein is shallow,

but the guy never bombed Cambodia.

You sit there, looking like a million bucks,

and you ask us to believe that your looks haven't helped you?

Give us a break, lady, huh? Give us an even break!

My problem isn't with looking good,

it's with huge conglomerates

who conspire to impose an aesthetic on women.

It's called "the fashion industry" for a reason,

and I blame Conde Nast and Revlon.

Tina, you're a model whose looks are your fortune. What do you think?

Well, it's a very complicated issue,

- because, on the one hand-- - Come on, wake up!

You are part of the system. I hate this attitude.

- We're sisters in this. - Freud said it all--

- "Anatomy is destiny." - That is just too easy.

If just once, you had the courage

to print the face of a real woman, a woman like these women--

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey! Are you calling my crew ugly?

(booing and hissing)

Every year, I try to go with an "everywoman" cover,

and when I test the mockup, the women's focus groups hate it.

Well, I've experienced the incredible harm

people like you are doing to millions of women.

I have seen the anorexia and the bulimia...

Mental illness has nothing to do with it--

- Beauty is a media conspiracy. - Stormtroopers like you

have always hated beauty.

You're calling me a lesbian? Is that your best argument?

Well, this guy is. What did you say?

- Shut up, dyke! - (audience applauds)

- Host: If the shoe fits, huh? - You know what? Fine. Fine.

This is an ambush. I'm out of here.

(audience laughing)

What's your problem, sister? You going to run away now?

You're afraid of a little confrontation?

Not so sure of yourself, huh?

Get out of my face!

Let's get the hell out of here.

Ladies, you can't go out this way.

- Out of the way, pal. - (security alarm blaring)

Think you could handle being a supermodel for a day?

Let me tell you that sometimes

here at the WCM headquarters in New York City,

the pace can get a little hectic.

On the day that we caught up with Tina Menzhal,

she was already being chased down

by award-winning photographer Bruce Taylor,

who was spying on her every move.

Tina, tell us, who's your friend?

This is an old friend who I never thought I'd see here in a million years,

- Philippe Gascon. - Hi.

Great. Okay, Tina, we'll catch you later.

That's a cut. All right.

(whispering)

Yeah, yeah.

I'm here now, I'd love to do some stuff with you.

Just you and me, do something edgy,

get back to the real you.

Yeah, sure. Why not?

Really?

Just check with Rosie. See if there's an opening.

Hi, Rosie, how are you?

- Good to see you. - You, too.

Kevin Costner's people called again yesterday

about that date thing and they're gonna call back.

What do you want me to say? I can say anything, but you got to tell me.

- I don't know. - What do you mean?

I really don't know. Bye. Great seeing you.

You look great. Thanks for coming.

- What do you want me to say? - Anything. Make something up.

Make something up? Tina, hello?

- So that was Philippe? - Yep, that was Philippe.

(mocking French accent) I love the leather pants

with the leather jacket. That really gets to me.

Like, "Guess what, I'm a photographer."

I guess it's his statement as an artist.

"Not only am I a photographer, I'm also the image of a photographer."

You guys are so fucking toxic, you know that?

He was always very nice.

Now he's going to run around trying to cash in

- with a portfolio full of pictures of you. - No.

- Bet you. - Fine.

Reporter: We then followed Tina on Broadway

to a rehearsal for the VHF Fashion Awards.

This is not the set, okay?

There is no set right now, okay?

The tape is where the set is going to be.

You're with me so far? Okay, so...

when you get to this point here...

- This point. - Yes, this point.

Christian Slater will join you and you guys will walk to the podium.

I'm not losing you so far?

- No. - Okay, good.

There's no podium right now, but this is where the podium is going to be.

Oh, yes, that 'x' mark over there,

that's where Madonna is. She gets the award.

Right here. But if they can't confirm Madonna,

then it's going to, um--

with the hair--

- Gabby, with the hair? - Heather Locklear.

- Yes, Heather Locklear. - Always the same seat.

Is this too much information? Are you getting all of this?

You look fabulous! They're gonna love you.

Experts are saying the life expectancy

of a hot New York spot is getting shorter and shorter.

They're saying 12 to 18 months.

- Obviously, you disagree. - Of course I do, Joan.

There are lots of hot places in New York that have been around forever.

Such as?

I wouldn't want to promote my competition--

Keith, Zazar's, Daniel, Sirrio--

but I will say this,

we are in a cycle right now,

but we do see the upswing.

All I can say is if you want a reservation here next month,

you better make it tonight, because after now I can't guarantee anything.

The normally rampant pulse of traders and brokers

was pushed past the red line this morning

when they received unusual and unexpected guests.

Supermodels Zermgarde Skrudlind

and Tina Menzhal were on the floor

to celebrate their new exclusive association

with Nakashimi, the Japanese conglomerate.

Coincidentally, Nakashimi went up four and a half points today,

corroborating again the juggernaut combination of beauty and money.

As far as endorsements are concerned the question is this:

Do you want a unified global image,

or do you want to split it?

You can go for total artistic integrity in the US

and still push whiskey in Japan, like Woody Allen used to--

or still does, I don't know.

Woman: As you know, Tina,

on our show we sometimes like

to spring little surprises on our guests.

Oh, God, I was afraid of that.

We found someone very special for you.

Why don't we just bring him out? Please welcome, all the way from

Sydney, Nova Scotia,

"Merrick" Menzhal, Tina's dad!

(audience applauding)

Host: Now, "Merrick"...

you two haven't spoken for what, seven years?

I'm sure there's a lot you have to say to each other.

(with Slavic accent) I don't know.

Host: You don't know if you have something to say to your daughter?

No, uh--

I am sorry we have not spoken--

how things turned out.

But you know, sometimes,

Life is like that.

You left a wife

- and two young daughters-- - They weren't that young.

Tina, how old were you when your father left?

14. Can we stop this?

It's understandable that you're upset,

but I think it would be so good for you and "Merrick"

to share with our audience.

"Merrick", why did you leave?

Sometimes we have to move on.

You are not happy about it, but it's the only way out.

When I left my parents,

it was the iron curtain, no?

They thought... they're not going to see me again.

But I had no choice,

I had to leave to come to America.

But then, America was not a happy story for you.

I didn't have a real break over here.

Tina, how do you feel about this?

It's never going to be his fault.

It's always the coaches, the other players...

- You try and play-- - Getting married too young...

- Very easy for you to say. - Never wanted children.

I didn't have the chances that you had.

- Chances? - Yes, chances!

Getting slapped around by a drunk?

- Shut up! - Fuck you!

- (audience gasps) - See?

Nobody knows.

I'm walking around with this hole in my heart

and nobody sees it.

Nobody gives a shit about me!

They offered me $2,400.

Plus travel.

I'm in no position to spit on it.

Bruce: Have you any idea

what it meant for her to see you?

Hmm?

American television bullshit,

people crying all the time.

Half of my father's family was shot in Theresienstadt,

the other half disappeared in a Gulag.

I never saw my father cry.

Life is not a picnic, mister.

...getting slapped around by a drunk?

- Shut up! - Fuck you!

Obviously, we'd have to bleep the "f" word,

but I still think it's a moment of great TV.

Gentlemen, I was in Europe,

taking care of the Tiger Woods brouhaha.

I couldn't keep an eye on Tina.

Man #2: We can't be held responsible for that.

Of course not, but...

I am responsible for the well being

of all the members of the WCM family.

Tina will be hurt by this show.

We as a family would prefer that this show not air.

Man #2: Wait a second. You have to be fair.

Guys?

Remember the George Clooney thing?

Painful for us, painful for you.

Do me a favor...

can the show.

We have signed releases. Any judge in the world--

Gentlemen... before we go any further,

I don't see the need for this negotiation

to be recorded. Please.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

First things first. The basics of sports and entertainment management

is in talent identification. One fundamental anecdote:

When they gave away the first Nobel Prize in literature,

Tolstoy came in second.

The winner was a diminutive French poet

named Sully Prudhomme.

"War and Peace" rings a bell, yes?

Sully Prudhomme? I'm afraid not.

If this is too obscure, think of Michael Jordan,

third-round draft pick in the NBA.

The experts chose two other guys

ahead of the greatest player who ever lived.

Rule one: Never believe experts, they don't know anything;

Rule two:

Genius is invisible to most people.

10 years ago, the hottest musical group

was Milli Vanilli.

Grammies, music awards, triple platinum--

they were red hot.

Would you, at that time, have picked...

this little... girl to be...

the future most popular singer on the planet?

(students murmur)

Would you? If you said "yes," congratulations,

you can start construction on your Palm Beach estate,

but if you gambled on Milli Vanilli...

family rates are available at Club Med.

- Have a nice trip. - (students laugh)

- Why you? - Me?

- You shot this video? - Yes.

- Why'd they ask you? - Who knows?

For a guy your age, this is a real break, right?

Awesome! Awesome! Shrill Cemetery! I can't wait.

I've got to see this now!

The brand new Shrill Cemetery video!

Come on, Vicki, roll the tape! Roll it!

(loud rock music playing)

(TV news magazine theme music playing)

In Colorado the beautiful people showed their stuff this week

at the Annual Celebrity Slalom for Bosnia.

And ED's Tony Mill was at the finishing line.

(onlookers cheering) Yeah, Tina!

Tina, you were flying out there today.

It's so good to be out here.

It's such a beautiful day.

We're really lucky to get this weather. It's awesome.

You work hard, you have a wonderful family,

you have a successful business,

everything in life is going your way-- then you start to ask yourself,

"Is this it? Another 15, 20 years of this?"

Then what? Heart attack? Colon cancer?

Then a whole eternity wondering, "what if..."?

It seems to me you're describing a classic mid-life crisis.

I don't know that. I've never been strong

on self-analysis, but when Tina entered my life

I saw her as my last chance, I truly did.

But she was not yet a celebrity at that point?

No, she was just this perfect young angel.

So you moved to New York with her?

Yeah, a very big move.

You got to have the right apartment

and it's New York, so you've got to have the right neighborhood,

and you've got to furnish it. Then, of course, she's off to Florida.

And she's back for only one night,

and back to the plane. They've got phones on the plane,

but you can't call her, she has to call you.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to run a business.

They call her all the time

from Hawaii, Paris,

and she laughs and talks because she's with Bruce or Toni--

she's in Aspen right now.

Sometimes you've got to wonder, honestly--

you start to wonder--

Host: Would you like a glass of water?

No, I'm fine, thank you.

Then it's the summer. You've got to go to the Hamptons.

Everybody goes out to the Hamptons.

But I have to stay in the city,

so I drive out there, and I've been working the restaurant,

so I drive back every night.

There and back. That's two hours there,

two hours back on the Long Island Expressway.

You know what a mess that can be.

She likes to swim, and I love to watch

when they're playing volleyball,

swimming and having fun.

It's a very exciting phase for her,

and I'm enjoying-- enjoying it.

Barry worships me.

It's really touching.

Bruce: You do sleep with him, don't you?

Oh, yeah, but I'm usually in bed by 9:30

and he comes in from the restaurant at 2:00, 3:00.

Sometimes the alarm goes off and he's been up,

made me this elaborate breakfast,

but I can't have anything but my cappuccino.

Is the poor guy at least being rewarded once in a while?

Of course he is. What do you think?

He just doesn't ask for it very often.

I was standing outside my public school

making a fag when this skeezer comes up to me

with a Nikon around his neck.

The next thing I know, I'm flat on my back on his futon

praying the condom's not gonna split. Same as her story.

No, there were guys before Philippe.

- Guys? - Yeah, guys.

Who? How many? Details.

- Just guys at parties and keggers. - So Philippe wasn't the first?

- Oh, no. Some girls, also. - What?

- Once in a while. - I can't believe this.

(chuckles) I was a jock.

Summers I played softball. "Dykes on Spikes," you know.

My best friend's a slut.

Bruce, can we see Toni now, if that's all right with you?

After all, we are only paying.

Beat his chest with your fist! That's it, but look this way.

That's it. Let's see those teeth, now.

Let's see those black teeth! Oh, they're horrible.

That's it! Look for help from God! Now look down!

Hold your hands up! Gasp!

Scream! Put your hand in his face!

That's right, push him away.

A bit more teeth!

That's it! Flap your hands around helplessly.

You're the helpless maiden in distress.

High in the air! That's it, lovely! Oh dear, you've lost your wig.

Yes, straight from Tucson to Julliard.

"Hello, Big Apple. Take a bite out of me."

Same class as Ethan Hawke.

('70s-style theme music playing)

This week on Celebrity Hunt,

Justin from Farmingdale, Long Island,

has a very juicy bit of videotape he wants to show us.

Justin has become one of our most important contributors.

So here he is to introduce his segment.

(tape static)

(camera beeps)

Thank you, Carmen and Adriana.

Every year, the Lupus Foundation holds a costume ball fundraiser

which brings out the celebs.

This year was no exception. I was there as the stars arrived

and I struck gold. So, start your VCRs now.

Girl: Tina! Tina! Over here!

Girl #2: Tina, please!

We've got all your pictures. We've been following your career forever!

- I think you should be with Brad Pitt. - You like Brad? Bye, now.

- We love you, Tina! - Your biggest fans!

- Barry? How could you? - What?

Do you know what you've done to Ruth?

Do you know what you've done to your children?

You are a scumbag, an asshole.

- You can't call me that. - Let go of me, you maggot!

Who do you think you are, you fucking cow?

Cows are sacred!

Who are you to talk to her like that?

Leave her alone.

Told you it was juicy. At one point we were really excited

because we thought the guy wearing the wig

was Alec Baldwin, but it turned out to be a nobody.

But we still love the scene anyway.

The heat was on in Aruba this week

for the shooting of the all-new Shan swimwear collection.

ED's Kathy Lopez has this sneak preview.

The water may have been cool,

but the action was red hot as top model Tina Menzhal

and superhunk Paolo Solar

turned it on for Shan and photographer Bruce Taylor.

(camera clicking)

Barry: Look at her. Can you see her?

She's so fucking beautiful.

You don't know how beautiful she is.

She slides in bed with you naked-- you want to die.

It just fucking kills you.

You walk into a room with her, every man, every woman wants her.

President of the United States wants to do her.

Bruce: Tina told me the restaurant's not doing so well.

Yeah, well...

I'm making some fresh moves.

I'm restrategizing the whole deal.

Your associates are not happy?

Well, you know, spineless bean counters.

Fuck 'em. I'm gonna surprise a lot of people.

Look at this.

Man, you're out of your mind.

Nice, huh? Surprise.

- Tina: Honey, no, I can't. - What, you don't like it?

No, that's not what I said.

- You don't want it! - No, it's beautiful, but--

What, it's not precious enough for you?

Hi, again. It's Justin,

and it's late outside the Lava Club in Chelsea.

I'm waiting for big game.

Justin: This is Tina Menzhal,

and she's with-- oh my God!

She's with Steve Bourque of the New York Rangers.

(club music playing)

Okay, don't even ask how I got in.

Don't ask.

(club music continues)

The hunter never rests.

What the celebs forget

is that there's always a camera.

Here we are, folks, the scoop of the week--

Tina Menzhal and Steve Bourque.

Can you stand it?

(car horn honks)

Justin: Tina? Tina!

News anchor: 412 people, including

300 innocent women and children,

had their throats slashed last night

in Djellida, Algeria,

110 miles south of Algiers.

Islamic fundamentalists have claimed responsibility

for the massacre.

I'm sorry, this just in.

Supermodel Tina Menzhal is at this moment

in the emergency ward of Manhattan Central Hospital.

Are we live? Birch, are you there?

- Yes, Susan, go ahead. - Can you tell us what happened?

The story is still a bit sketchy.

We do know for certain at this time

that Tina Menzhal was found bloody and severely beaten

in the garage of her Upper East Side high-rise.

Do the police have any suspects?

Residence of the high-rise said the police did arrest

Menzhal's ex-boyfriend, one Barry Levine.

- Now apparently-- - I have to cut you off here.

We go now to Gia Solonis,

at the downtown police precinct. Gia?

Susan, the man being marched into the station is Barry Jonathan Levine.

He's a fugitive from his native Canada

and has been arrested for the brutal attempted murder

of supermodel Tina Menzhal.

(crowd shouting)

Reporter: What do they want you for in Canada, Barry?

That's it. That's as far as you can go!

It seems that Levine is a desperate man.

Right now he is being investigated by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police

on charges of defrauding his former Montreal associates

of several hundred thousand dollars.

And here in New York, his partners

in the now defunct restaurant brought charges of embezzlement against him.

What the hell happened?

This chick was seen and photographed

with a major sports star here in New York.

I could name names here--

- He shoots, he scores. - (audience grumbles)

Not exactly the Virgin Mary here. So you know what I'm thinking?

- Maybe she had it coming? - (grumbling louder)

Maybe!

Think about it! Just think about it!

That's all I'm saying. Come on, I'm not saying yes.

I'm not saying no. Just think about it! Come on!

Both Ms. Menzhal and Mr. Bourque are clients of WCM.

They're known each other for a long time. They are very good friends.

Since the Rangers have left for their West Coast trip,

Mr. Bourque has asked me to tell you

he will have no comments on this unfortunate tragedy at this point.

- Thank you very much. That will be all. - Have the police talked to Steve?

- Is he a witness in this? - Thank you.

I certainly didn't agree with a lot of the choices she made

and the choices that were made for her,

in fact, I strongly reject what she stands for.

But in moments like these, we must close ranks

and say to all the women killers out there,

"We know who you are, and we will defend ourselves."

Plato was the first to state it--

"Beauty is a beautiful girl."

Beautiful girls are a subspecies of the human race.

And that justifies beating them up, right?

No, of course not. But they are different from ordinary people.

Nobody ever felt desire looking at me.

- Sorry to hear that, Professor. - (Professor chuckles)

Well, you know, Tom, most men are in this situation.

While we may be happily married,

our experience of life is radically different

from Tina's, or Toni's here.

Could you explain that to us, Professor?

One of the assumptions of my book is that it's difficult for a beautiful woman

to establish and maintain a healthy relationship with a man.

This is nonsense! Tina is the most well balanced person I know.

And I personally have just met a gorgeous rock musician

and we're madly in love! What's the problem?

I certainly wish you all the best,

but the fact remains. This is not a new theory.

In his famous essay in narcissism,

Freud himself states--

Please, do we have to listen to this hogwash?

Female reporter: Family and friends surrounded Tina Menzhal this morning

as she was released from Manhattan Central Hospital.

(reporters shouting)

(cameras clicking)

It seems he jumped her from behind

and crushed her under his own weight.

She didn't stand a chance. But you know,

I've seen her take pretty wicked hits on the ice.

She'll survive.

We never knew this Barry Levine.

From Tina's phone calls it never seemed like

an important relationship.

We were surprised that they were living together.

Nestled in the most exclusive quarter

of the Swiss countryside,

the Grauer Klinik caters exclusively to royalty,

international financial leaders, and celebrities

from the world of show business.

Despite the legendary discretion of the citizens of Grenchen,

there is a rumor that American supermodel

Tina Menzhal arrived on the 7:04 express train

from Zurich last night, and was quickly chauffeured here.

Helmut Gruber... (speaking German)

The season's hottest show is called, "Tina - Philippe: A Love Story."

This show chronicles the discovery

of supermodel Tina Menzhal,

by French photographer Philippe Gascon.

A great model is not born, she's made.

Whether it's Steichen, Weston or Avedon,

there must always be someone looking

through the viewfinder to provide the vision.

When I first met Tina, she was a little hockey player

Lost in central Canada.

Nobody had really seen her until I made my first picture.

Reporter: The exhibition will also include

a video installation that addresses the artist's subject appropriation

in a provocative...

and deconstructive manner.

- I want to hold you. - I want to see you.

- I want to hold you. - I want to see you.

What are you doing?

I asked you never to do this!

Philippe, stop it! Stop, give it to me!

Stop!

We certainly don't mind sexiness, obviously,

but as far as full nudity is concerned,

we recommend delaying it until the last possible moment.

When you think of the great careers--

Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor--

they waited until the very end.

You certainly don't see Julia Roberts or Meg Ryan

running around naked... yet.

We see it as a woman's...

Last weapon, so to speak. That was all right.

Helmut: The arrival in Grenchen

of Canadian Ambassador to the United Nations

Blaine De Castillon here yesterday by private helicopter

has raised many questions.

Is the ambassador here for the clinic's famous

Somerset Maugham impotence treatment,

or is he here to see American

supermega top model Tina Menzhal?

We know the Sultan of Brunei

has sent loads of rare black orchids to Tina.

Is OPEC involved?

- (reporters asking questions) - Pas de commentaires.

- Reporters: Ooh-la-la! - Mademoiselle!

- S'il vous plait! - Merde.

If your client is a woman or a gay man,

you can assume with 99% certainty

there are nude photos floating around somewhere.

Bruce: I know, I've shot them.

You have to deal with the situation.

There are no rules.

You do what you can do.

Female reporter: Federal authorities swooped down on the Photowork Gallery

and carted off photos and videotape equipment.

They're acting on a writ of seizure before judgment

brought against the gallery and photographer Philippe Gascon

by the law firm of Smith, Deutsch & Rosenthal

on the behalf of WCM, World Creative Management.

Photographer Philippe Gascon was taken to La Guardia

to be deported to Canada.

Police there want to question him

about thousands of nude photographs of young children

traced through the internet to a web site he created.

Look, I am an artist. America is doing it again.

Like Melville, like Edgar Allan Poe.

You don't know what I'm taking about, huh?

You don't know who Melville was.

Not big in the ratings, Melville.

What about Mel Gibson? Better? Good.

It's a frame, do you hear me? I am framed!

Check WCM! Are you afraid? WCM. You'll see!

Barry never talked to me about money,

he just spent it.

What about-- this is going back to your birthday--

what about the weekend in Anguilla?

- Weekend where? - Anguilla? In the Caribbean?

Is that where we went?

You didn't know where you were?

It's always beaches and palm trees, basically.

Then there was a Tiffany diamond tennis bracelet

and the black pearl necklace

from Harry Winston?

- I gave that to my mother. - And you weren't curious at all

about how he could afford these gifts?

I told you, money was never an issue.

I earn money. I thought he had money.

You never sensed any desperation?

I thought it was overwork.

- And he never asked you for money? - No.

- And you never offered to help him out? - No.

What was the nature of your relationship with Barry Levine?

Why don't you ask him?

We will, Ms. Menzhal, but now I'm asking you.

What can I say? It was fun.

It was all fun until it was not fun.

I feel sorry for him.

Even after what he did to me.

Lawyer: We'd like to submit this taped deposition as People's Exhibit 27.

Is that it?

This is too easy. That tape has been edited.

You guys edited that videotape!

- (gavel bangs) - Order!

Fuck order! Bring the bitch in here!

I have the right to confront her.

- I can't defend you like this. - Shut up, you're fired!

Did you listen to that? She said it was "fun"?

I lost my business, I lost my wife, I lost my kids! I adored my kids!

Please escort the defendant out of this courtroom.

I lost my mind! I spent every last fucking dime I had on that bitch!

All I wanted was a smile at the end.

She wouldn't even give me a fucking smile!

Judge: Mr. Levine, you're not helping yourself at all.

She killed me, the fucking whore.

You know it.

No matter what she said, she's killed me.

Everyone knows it. I'm a dead man!

America Online logged over a half a million hits in 24 hours

at an unauthorized website featuring

Tina Menzhal relaxing topless

aboard a yacht owned by Canada's ambassador to the United Nations,

Blaine De Castillon.

The pictures were eventually traced back

to the Italian scandal sheet," Oggi Ventura. "

I can only add that the dress code in the Mediterranean

is somewhat more relaxed than it is

in the great Canadian north. Thank you very much.

Oh, and let me clarify one issue, which as usual,

you people have got completely wrong,

Miss Menzhal is not my girlfriend.

She's my fiancee.

(speaking in French)

How are you?

Reporter: Tina, how do you like Paris?

The first time I was here it was pretty terrible,

but this time... what can I say?

This is the center of the universe. I love it. Thank you.

(reporters shouting)

(speaking in French)

(speaking in French)

Tina, is it true this medal was given to you

because Nakashimi-- the Japanese group--

gave 20 million francs to the museum?

Tina.

I assume the museum really needed the money, and I couldn't--

Stallone, Sharon Stone.

I'm not getting this.

They are saying that Americans are laughing at us

because we gave medals to Sharon Stone and Sylvester Stallone.

This medal?

- Yes. - To Sharon Stone?

- Yes. - And Sylvester Stallone?

Yes! Can you imagine?

- Why? - Because, mademoiselle, it is a tragedy.

Our country's sinking--

I think we have to regard the perfume

as a separate venture and on that alone

we wouldn't go below 1.5 a year.

- Francs or euros? - US dollars.

- Oh, come on. - With option schedules

- and performance bumps. - Oh, fuck off!

Fine, we accept.

- We accept? - Yes, we do.

It's a reasonable offer. You go now and find

a creative way of celebrating our new muse.

Good.

Is that an English word, "muse"?

Right, love, first thing we've got to do

is pierce those nipples.

Then I get to bang a nail through your cock, right?

Would you?

Man: Where do you want your pound of flesh delivered?

Shannon.

I thought you were in Nassau.

For North America only. Over here, we're still in Ireland,

although this may change as you can imagine.

Yes, of course.

We don't want one penny moving through France

to the US. Especially the US.

That goes without saying.

On our side we have several options, depending--

excuse me.

Mr. Taylor, I think you have forgotten your star.

Cameras are made to photograph beautiful women in beautiful dresses.

Do not lose your precious talents that represent so much in Paris

on an old accountant.

Beauty is awaiting you.

(speaking in French)

I think we have an excellent deal.

Bruce: But nobody's going to pay a cent of income tax.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Listen, it's very simple. Money's international, taxes are national.

- Oh. - There is a discrepancy.

I live for discrepancies like these.

And it's totally legal?

- Of course. - And safe?

It has to be.

Look, Tina...

make a worried face for me.

You see these lines?

They're a threat to our fortunes,

and my job is to make sure that these lines never appear.

("My Happiness" plays)

- To Paris? - To Paris.

#How I long to be with you

#My happiness

#Every day I reminisce

#Dreaming of your tender kiss

#Always thinking how I miss

#My happiness...

Now, Mr. Ambassador and... Tina...

I think we have a right to know. How long has this been going on?

Well, actually, we've known each other for quite a long time.

Tina: That's true.

Interviewer: Can I ask where you two first met?

De Castillon: Yes. We met in a television studio in New York.

A morning show. Very unromantic.

Was it love at first sight?

Tina: I was so impressed by him I could barely open my mouth.

And I found her just stupendous, amazing.

Oh, please! I'd been working all night.

- I was disgusting. - Will you listen to her?

I'm not on the rebound, for Christ's sake.

You're treating me like I'm some kind of emotional basket case.

Bruce: Tina, I didn't say that. I just asked, "Why him?"

- I'm in love with him. - I don't get it.

Of course you don't. You never loved anybody except your mother.

Okay, fine, so you love him.

That doesn't mean you have to rush into this marriage.

That's the way he wants it, and it's fine with me.

What do you mean, "That's the way he wants it?"

He doesn't want a girlfriend.

He wants a wife. He made it clear.

It's either that or he goes away, and I don't want him to go away.

Bruce: Listen, I've got a car outside.

In five hours, we're in New York.

It's not a criminal offense. You can still say no.

Bruce, Blaine is an ambassador to the United Nations.

- For Canada. - In Europe we stay in castles.

This man wants me to share his life.

Do you know the expression "trophy wife"?

This man discusses politics with me, world affairs.

He does!

You think I'm stupid, but he doesn't--

Tina, I don't think you're stupid.

I had dinner with the President of the World Bank.

He liked my point of view. He said so.

I'm being accepted into a family, okay?

A real family with brothers and sisters

- and uncles and nephews-- - and the first wife

that no one will talk about.

Don't try to cheapen everything. Bruce, please...

be my friend. Help me.

Go away.

(camera beeps)

We're having dinner at their place.

People are talking about the show at the Whitney,

and of course, Tina doesn't have a clue,

so right away Blaine goes on about Cornwall's Collegiate

and Vocational School.

He's an asshole!

So she runs upstairs crying, and he goes after her.

It seems every time she's crying, he gets a hard-on.

Next thing we hear is him grunting. I mean, he's doing her right there,

and we're listening!

So 15 minutes later, he comes downstairs with this big smirk on his face.

He's lucky I didn't have my gun. I'd have shot his balls off.

- The man's fucking toxic. - Bruce: Have you tried talking to her?

Yeah, everybody has. Even Tommy has. Haven't you, honey?

I sure did, honey.

She's deaf. She won't listen.

Renny: This isn't a matter of me being difficult.

Tina's obligations are contractual. Nakashimi's not exactly a noodle shop.

I know that. What do you think I am?

These are legal commitments. Play ball with us.

Look, it's not my problem, is it?

I'm leaving for Africa in one week,

and then I'm going on an extended tour of Europe,

and my wife is coming with me. You're just gonna have to deal with it.

My wife and I will not disappoint our obligations.

Listen, sir...

ahem!

What the hell is going on here? How did you get in?

Tina: Brucie!

You have exactly 30 seconds to leave this property!

- Blaine-- - Tina, I made it clear.

No press, no photographers. We agreed-- a private wedding.

Bruce is not the press.

It is possible for you to live without a camera? Now you said you could!

- You're hurting me! - Do I make myself clear? No cameras,

and no friends with cameras!

(glass breaking)

(speaking French)

(church bells pealing)

Narrator: The international spring season that began

with the polo matches at Palm Beach, Florida,

draws to a close with a mandatory call

at a south London suburb called Wimbledon.

Women's tennis, in particular,

has become so fashionable

that it will be the subject of a "Vanity Fair" piece

shot by none other than that elusive, brilliant,

and so branche prince of contemporary photography,

Bruce Taylor.

Tina: You booked this hotel yourself, okay?

He booked the same hotel. I had nothing to do with it.

No, Bruce is not with me.

(camera shutter clicking)

Hello? Fuck! Bitch!

Bruce: I was at Wimbledon yesterday.

I know.

He went over to Cartier's this morning.

Laid this over my croissant.

He was very passionate.

Bruce: I don't like it, Tina.

He's my husband.

Well, I was there for Tina Menzhal, you know.

Pardon me, Tina De Castillon.

I was there when we were in Paris, starving with no work.

I was there in New York when her boyfriend beat her up.

She knows I'm strung out. She knows it,

and she's cut me off. (seethes)

I leave her messages, and she changes her number.

Her agent lies to me. Her doorman won't let me in.

I just want to talk.

Look at me. Look at Tommy.

We need money and she's turned her back on us.

- Reed: What do you say, lady? - I say, don't blame Tina

'cause your boyfriend is weak and stupid.

Tina didn't put that needle in your vein!

Tina didn't cause you to lose all your money!

I say, blame it on your white trash boyfriend!

Don't you call Tommy white trash!

And debuting in her dual role as wife to a UN ambassador

and co-chairman of the annual fundraising event

is New York's own Tina De Castillon.

From Degas to, uh, Mondrian,

the museum is an open door,

an important answer to the closing of minds.

Let us keep these doors open for the future generations.

Thank you.

I'm sorry to disappoint you,

but it's not as bad as you said it was gonna be.

Bruce: Good.

I'm not saying that he isn't demanding,

but you have to be at his level.

His standards are pretty tough--

Tina, there's someone I'd like you to meet.

That is, if you can tear yourself away.

Tina: I was talking to Bruce.

You could at least be a little more polite.

De Castillon: Forgive me, dear, if I don't feel like being polite to that freak.

As a matter of fact, I would like it if he didn't hang around you anymore.

Do I make myself clear?

Tina: He's the only one here who would talk to me.

You are here with me. You will stay with me.

If you want to talk to someone, talk to me.

- What's this? - What?

- Christ, Tina! For God's sake! - Leave it. It's for Bruce!

(mic goes dead)

(feedback)

(silence)

Mr. Ambassador, is the damage

from the acid rain as extensive here

in Colorado as it is in the Northeast?

That what we're here to determine.

The United Nations' biodiversity project's mandate

is to identify potential environmental hazards

before they reach the critical stage.

I see. Ms. De Castillon,

do you share your husband's interests

in the environmental issues?

Do you want a real answer, or is the 10 seconds up?

No, we are live. There is no cutting away.

Oh, good. Then let me tell you something.

- This is the last place-- - What Tina means, is tourism--

- How do you know what I mean? - It's obvious the environ--

- Will you stop interrupting? - I'm trying to help you formulate--

Why don't you formulate over there with your friends?

Put your ass in the hot tub with that jerk from Disney.

Would you excuse me, please?

What was that question again?

Mrs. De Castillon, or Tina Menzhal?

What took you so long?

Baby? Baby, you're bleeding. You're full of blood.

Don't worry. This time it's not mine.

What happened?

Bruce, what the fuck are you doing here? There's a media alert out there.

(yelling) Media alert!

You should be looking for a minor diplomat

with a very flat nose.

It's okay.

It's okay. Yeah, it's all right.

It's okay, sweetheart.

Bruce: Tina, I made an investment in you.

So has Renny, and Rosie--

Whatever she wants to do is okay with me.

I'm tired, Bruce.

I need to go away for awhile.

I have to.

Purely hypothetical, right?

A UN ambassador, a young wife who's not happy,

she wanted out.

- Is there another woman? - No.

All right, they're fighting, and he says to her, "Go ahead and leave,

but here's something to remember me by."

So, he jumps her and tries to rape her.

Mentioned sodomy. Was that successful?

Bruce: It's not clear.

The young lady was an athlete at some point,

so she fights him off, grabs a lamp,

bonks him on the head, end of story.

Nothing you can do?

Resident aliens. Witnesses won't press charges.

No police report. Diplomatic passports.

The UN is a bag of maggots.

Reporter: The ambassadors of Turkey, Bangladesh, France and Germany

all left Ottawa today for their respective countries,

following a rambling and disjointed outburst

at the United Nations Social and Economic Council

by Canadian Ambassador Blaine De Castillon.

Do you think our Manitoba farmers

care about Serbs and Croats? I don't think so.

We have troops in Laos and Cambodia.

Are we that fond of little yellow people?

Not really. The Golan Heights... the Gaza Strip,

Rwanda, Haiti,

Baghdad-- every hellhole on the planet,

we're there. Do you think we like it?

I've got news for you. We don't.

We've been on Cypress for the last 35 years

trying to pacify these Aegean assholes.

Oh, come on, cut the crap. No one in this room

really gives a shit about Turkey!

Come on, give me a break, here!

I want to see hands. Who likes Turkey?

If you ask me, I'll take the Greeks any day.

At least they were civilized once.

Where are you going, honey? Come here.

Whoa-- whoa!

Slice off a piece of East India, what do you get?

What the hell are we sending food to Bangladesh for?

Those bitches haven't missed a meal in decades.

(members grumbling)

Where's everybody going? We just got started.

Our understanding at this point,

is that Ambassador De Castillon was the unfortunate victim

of an unwitting and debilitating cross-medication.

As was quite evident, the ambassador suffered

a very serious skiing accident in Colorado a few days ago.

Reporter: Meanwhile, Ambassador De Castillon was met

this afternoon at Toronto airport by members of a medical team

from the Royal Neurological Institute.

(camera shutters clicking)

You know what I am feeling right now?

I am feeling tropical heat.

I am feeling Spider Woman!

I'm feeling Xavier Cugat, Yma Sumac.

Yes! I am feeling

Caribe Lobos,

the wild orchid of the Amazon.

Oh, yes, we are talking mud, ladies,

earth, wind, twigs,

Leaves-- texture, texture, texture,

and then... walk away!

Reporter: At Indigo, former model Tina Menzhal

was signing her new book, "Hot Buzz,"

which tells of her years as an international jet-setter.

The book, written by Tina, with Bobby Veau,

tells of the years of struggle and success.

The autobiography I did with Donald...

Sutherland... spent four weeks

on the Canadian bestseller list.

So... Like Donald, Tina's story

is a story that really has to be told.

This is a design reminiscent

of what Tom Ford is doing at Gucci.

So, Tina, how do you decide, like,

you know, like, what people like?

I've been involved in fashion for a long time.

- I was a model-- - Really? Where?

In New York, Paris...

Way cool! Tell me... do you miss the action?

Yeah. Sometimes, I really do--

Ooh-- I'm getting that signal again.

Here's something our director danced to

at these things called... "raves"?

Anyway, here's Hootie and the... Fish?

He's so serious about these things. Check it out.

Reporter: The Annual Cerebral Palsy Marathon

was run in Cornwall yesterday, and the winner

was Dr. Grant Monroe of Cornwall General.

The award was presented to Dr. Monroe

by Cornwall's very own Tina Menzhal.

I hit the wall underneath the bridge,

but I could see the finish line from there,

so the pain just disappeared.

I also knew Ms. Menzhal would be here,

so, I mean, I had to come in first.

Performance artist Antonia Rubles-Hewitt

set the normally staid city of Cardiff

on its collective ear this week.

The ex-model is proposing an installation composed-- or shall we say,

de-composed-- of a rather unique medium,

in the Piero Manzone genre.

Now, Toni, this installation

bears a rather provocative name, don't you think?

I think that it's an honest name.

- You are calling this installation-- - Shit.

Could you tell us why, dear?

Uh... because that's what it's made of.

This is a show about my life. I've had a shitty life,

and I'm telling it like it is.

Fascinating, Toni, dear,

but if I may ask this...

whose?

Mine. This is my shit I want you to look at.

- Show business story? - Definitely.

- Not Shania Twain? - No, I think Shania

- just bought a castle in Switzerland. - (audience laughter)

It's a political-sports-show-business personality?

- Yes. - From the valley?

It's not an easy one.

- I'm lost. - So am l.

- Panelist: I have to pass. - Well, since we are running out of time,

please turn around, panel, and meet international personality...

- Tina Menzhal. - (applause)

Tina! Yes! I remember.

- Yeah. - Interesting choice.

Wonderful!

This was the show of the season!

I am telling you-- the colors, the lines, the clothes,

everything was perfect!

We live for shows like this. We really do!

Unbelievable! Caribe! You must be so excited!

Si.

Of course she's excited! The world is excited!

A genius of this magnitude only comes along once.

And we've seen it here tonight!

The department of transport promised us months ago to come up with a solution,

but again, we're the last ones to get plowed.

Look, I'm a doctor. I'm on call.

My wife is eight-months pregnant. It's not the safest situation.

Reporter: Thank you. That was great.

I'm going to have to get going too.

Don't wait up. I'm filling in for Jeff.

See you in the morning.

I love you.

(chorus sings harmony)

#Evening shadows make me blue

#When each weary day is through

#How I long to be with you

#My happiness

#Every day I reminisce

#Dreaming of your tender kiss

#Always thinking how I miss

#My happiness

#A million years it seems

#Have gone by since we shared our dreams

#But I'll hold you again

#There'll be no blue memories then

#Whether skies are gray or blue

#Any place on earth will do

#Just as long as I'm with you

#My happiness

(chorus sings harmony) #Do-do, do-do-do

#Do-do, do-do-do-do

#Evening shadows make me blue

#When each weary day is through

#How I long to be with you

#My happiness

#Every day I reminisce

#Dreaming of your tender kiss

#Always thinking how I miss

#My happiness

#A million years it seems

#Have gone by since we shared our dreams

#But I'll hold you again

#There'll be no blue memories then

#Whether skies are gray or blue

#Whether skies are gray or blue

#Any place on earth will do

#Any place on earth will do

#Just as long as I'm with you

#As long as I'm with you

#My happiness.

(chanting)

#Ah-ya-ya-ya

#Ah-ya

#Ah-ya-ya-ya

#Ah-ya

(chanting)

#Ah-ya-ya-ya

#Ah-ya

#Ah-ya