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1
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,599
Excuse me?
2
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,479
And how long have you had your
account with us now, Mrs Pikoulis?
3
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:11,519
'Darling, I haven't the foggiest.
4
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,319
'I can barely remember who
came over for dinner last night.'
5
00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:16,479
Ooh, big night on the bevvies,
was it?
6
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,079
One or two.
7
00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:21,879
So, what do you think, Ruby?
Can I get that offer?
8
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,919
Oh, mate, I'd love to,
but that offer's expired now
9
00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:27,079
and they won't even let me
put the code in the system.
10
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:30,679
Never mind. Chalk it up
to one of life's regrets.
11
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,839
I bet you've got
a few of those too, eh, Ruby?
12
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:34,959
God, loads.
13
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:38,519
'Dave Badrock once fingered me on
the ghost train at Weston-super-Mare
14
00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:39,759
'and I never got his number.'
15
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:43,599
'Regret's a fool's game. We must
look to the future, dear girl.'
16
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:47,560
You're absolutely right,
Mrs Pikoulis. Take care now.
17
00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:51,200
Well, that was...
Horrible.
18
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:56,879
But thanks to our
consumer research volunteer...
19
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,959
Are you OK, Mrs Pikoulis?
Can you hear me?
20
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,679
'Loud and clear.'
Good.
21
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:06,279
...we get to see how a chatbot
might handle that better.
22
00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,279
Hellocom, keeping you connected.
23
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,559
Susan speaking. How may I help you,
Mrs "Parcoolees"?
24
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:13,239
'I was wondering if I can get
the Maxi Mayhem offer
25
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,879
'I saw on the television?'
26
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:18,199
I am sorry, but Maxi Mayhem
is no longer available.
27
00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,279
'Oh, never mind. Chalk it up
to one of life's regrets.
28
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,119
'Bet you've got a few of those too,
eh, Susan?'
29
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,560
SUSAN GLITCHES
30
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:29,399
Before you go, Mrs "Pickyooless",
switch to "Hellcom" Mobile
31
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,559
and you can get our Bonkers Bundle
offer for just £19.99 a month.
32
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,879
Minimum period of 28 months
with a guaranteed contract.
33
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:37,479
Early exit from the contract
may incur fines from the provider.
34
00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,799
You may lose your home
if you don't keep up with payments.
35
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,639
'Oh, OK.
Will I have to change numbers?'
36
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,079
No way, "Josie".
Mrs Pikoulis, with Hellocom,
37
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,799
we do the hard work for you,
Mrs Pikoulis.
38
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,679
'I was wondering if...'
CALL CUTS OFF
39
00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:51,119
How good was that?
Well, yeah, it was OK, but...
40
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,999
Answered the query: Tick.
Made a connection: Tick.
41
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,559
Didn't need
an unscheduled poo break:
42
00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:58,879
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
43
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,559
It'll be interesting to see...
Tick.
44
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,879
It will be interesting to see
the customer feedback too,
45
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,879
when that comes in.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that, babes.
46
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:10,719
But, um... I think we all know who
won that round. Tell him, Susan.
47
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,359
Chatbots one, humans zero.
48
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:17,119
Ha! That's cos he likes
football, right?
49
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:21,679
One-ni... Oh, no, nil is football.
OK. Oh, Susan...
50
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:24,679
Where's Ruby?
Poo break.
51
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,199
Of course she is.
52
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,479
ALL RESUME CALLS
53
00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,320
RAP MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY
54
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,800
You all right, Craig?
55
00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:39,319
Craig.
Oh!
56
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:43,199
Sorry, bruv. God. Forget me name's
Craig sometimes, innit?
57
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,719
It's literally written
on your name badge, mate.
58
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,719
It's just, like,
my rapping is, like,
59
00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:49,879
blowing up on the socials right now.
60
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:53,319
Name on the streets is Crankz now.
Believe.
61
00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,919
That is great. You know, I actually
have choir practice in a bit,
62
00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:59,640
so I'm just gonna head off.
Yeah, only I...
63
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,959
What is it... Crankz?
Nice one.
64
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,519
Sounds well lit
coming from a lawyer man like you.
65
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:10,239
But, yeah, I'm not doing that well.
With the galdem.
66
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,279
One galdem in particular, innit.
Melons.
67
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:15,439
HE COUGHS
How did you know that?
68
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,239
Probably because you go bright red
whenever she comes into the room.
69
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,359
Nah, nah, it's cos you've got,
like, a legal mind, innit?
70
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:24,479
For real, I've seen all them
big-ass legal books on your desk.
71
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,759
There is nothing in those books
about talking to girls,
72
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,999
and let's be honest, if there were,
I'd probably skip those chapters.
73
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,840
Cos you're homosexual.
Best believe, Crankz.
74
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,639
Seriously, though, what should I do?
Just ask her out.
75
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,039
Big man like you must have
asked girls out before.
76
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:43,439
What do you normally say?
Normally, I'd just be like...
77
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,159
I'd just be like...
78
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,279
Wagwan, sweet one.
Can I get your Snap still?
79
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,319
Does that work for you? Normally?
80
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:51,639
No.
No.
81
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,759
No, it doesn't, bruv. There was
this one time in year eight, though,
82
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:58,399
I let Mikecia Bennett suck my Froob
and she gave me her number, so...
83
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,599
Please don't tell me
"Froob" is a euphemism.
84
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:04,159
A what? It's a yoghurt, fam, with
a little fruit guy on the front.
85
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:07,079
Yeah, I know.
I thought you was clever.
86
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,719
Just talk to her. Go on.
87
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,239
Oi, Melons.
88
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:15,679
Give me your Snap and we can do,
like, Nando's or something.
89
00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:17,960
No.
90
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,799
Aw, mate. Er...
HE PANTS
91
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,679
Bruv!
Chin up.
92
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:30,640
Hey, hey, the Crankz I know
would never give up that easily.
93
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:35,720
For real. Yeah.
94
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,760
For real.
95
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,919
DISCORDANT HUMMING
96
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,919
"Mm, ah", not "mm, arh". All right.
97
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,040
DISCORDANT HUMMING
98
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,879
Er... Can we help you?
99
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,679
Oh, my God,
this can really make you LOL
100
00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,839
cos right now this is
really making me LOL.
101
00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:05,079
I heard you all from outside and
I literally went and got a defib!
102
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:08,079
SHE LAUGHS
103
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:11,279
You literally didn't do that, so...
It's like I sort of thought
104
00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:13,759
that someone might have been
having a seizure, or, you know,
105
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,719
choking on a bit of edamame,
that type of thing.
106
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,479
SHE LAUGHS
OK, OK, we get it.
107
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:23,319
But we've only got two weeks to go
before ChoirFest South West, so...
108
00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,319
Two weeks.
109
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,719
Do you have to do it, Ruby?
110
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:31,719
Yes, because Vicki is making me.
And we wanna do it.
111
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:34,319
And that, too.
You know you sound awful, though.
112
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,799
But this is a warmup.
Oh, it's a warmup.
113
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,519
Oh, you're warming up.
Yes.
114
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,359
Ah.
Thank you.
115
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:43,240
Amazing.
OK, so let's go back to the...
116
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:49,479
You gonna join us?
No. No, don't mind me, though.
117
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:53,279
OK. After three. Nice and easy.
118
00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,199
One, two, three...
119
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:59,159
Actually, the acoustics aren't
great in here anyway, so...
120
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,000
That's definitely the problem
121
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:06,639
Let's go somewhere else,
like the canteen.
122
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:10,079
There's bad energy in here anyway.
Yeah, Ruby, why don't you just
123
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,119
stick a sign on the door
so people don't think
124
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,279
that there's a cow and labour
in this room, you know?
125
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,399
Or a dog with its little paw
stuck in a car door.
126
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,480
You don't want people thinking...
OK, we get it.
127
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:24,520
OK. Bye, bitches.
Yes.
128
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,559
Costa's slices
are absolutely minging.
129
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,559
You know what I'm talking about, right?
130
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,879
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
Can I help you, please, madam?
131
00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:44,039
I said you can't have my Snap.
I know that. Are you gassing me?
132
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,639
No, I said you can't have my Snap
because I don't have Snapchat.
133
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,519
Oh.
But you could ask me
134
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:52,519
to go on a tea break later,
if you want.
135
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,960
Man don't drink tea.
Fine.
136
00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,719
Well baffled.
137
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,239
All I'm saying is if you want me
to sleep with one of the judges,
138
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,319
I'm here for that.
Just give me a name.
139
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,879
I'm hoping won't come to that,
but I'll bear it in mind.
140
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,759
♪ I want to make you understand
141
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:14,199
♪ Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down...
142
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,599
♪ Never gonna run around
And desert you
143
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,519
♪ Never gonna make you cry
Ooh-hoo
144
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,079
♪ Say goodbye
145
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,119
♪ Never gonna tell a lie... ♪
146
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,839
Bloody hell.
Weston Windows.
147
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:28,199
Please don't say they're entering
ChoirFest South West.
148
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,719
What the hell, you guys?
149
00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,239
We're trying to rehearse
for ChoirFest South West!
150
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:33,719
Shit.
Sorry, we just thought...
151
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,639
Hello? Dummkopf.
152
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,479
Is it not obvious that we're
in the middle of something here?
153
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,319
How are we meant to perfect
our a cappella
154
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,879
when people let you keep barging in
and breaking our flow?
155
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,359
It is lunchtime
and this is the canteen.
156
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,319
Sounds like a you problem.
157
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,679
Now, if you don't mind,
whoever you are,
158
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,999
we've got a triple vocal harmony
to perfect. OK?
159
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,239
A what?
Let's go again, people.
160
00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:00,839
And, Dominic, if you don't bring me
your full mezzosoprano,
161
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,119
I will have you replaced like that.
162
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,560
You understand, Dominic? Like that.
163
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,679
THEY HARMONISE
164
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,679
Let's not be intimidated. We know
we've got a lot of work to do,
165
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,599
but if we just keep practising...
Look, let's pivot. All right?
166
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:20,079
Same game plan but now we shag
the Windows woman. She's a threat.
167
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,719
Have you no shame, Tom?
Not a lot, no.
168
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:24,559
But trust me, this is how it goes.
169
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:28,719
I shag her, she falls wildly in
love with me, then we love-bomb her.
170
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,319
Classy.
You might need to fund
171
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,599
a trip up to the Cotswolds.
But long story short,
172
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,959
she gets a broken heart,
never sings again,
173
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:39,079
and we win ChoirFest South West.
Bosh.
174
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,319
I never knew
winning meant so much to you.
175
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,999
Couldn't give a shit, son.
But I'm a solutions man.
176
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:48,559
Let's just meet back here after work
and give it another run-through, OK?
177
00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:50,520
Trust me, it's gonna be fine.
178
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,279
I'm screwed, aren't I?
179
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,839
All right! All right.
180
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,800
No need to keep going on about it.
181
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:10,599
Vicki?
Can I speak to you a moment?
182
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,479
I'm sorry,
Vicki's not here right now.
183
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,279
Who said that?
My name is Susan.
184
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,559
How can I help you?
Ooh, Susan, you're a bit cool.
185
00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:22,359
Thank you, first name of customer.
You like a sort of Alexa, then?
186
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:27,279
My mum's got one of those. She talks
to it more than she talks to my dad.
187
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:30,719
How can I help you,
first... name of customer?
188
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:32,999
Er, Susan, do a fart.
189
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,999
No.
All right.
190
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:39,479
Um, Susan, can I get sacked
if I ditch the choir
191
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,119
cos we sound bloody awful?
192
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:44,639
One moment, please, first name of
customer. I'm getting your answer.
193
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,879
Ruby, what the hell
are you doing in here?
194
00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,879
I've just come in
to talk to Vicki about the choir.
195
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,039
Well, wait at your desk
until she gets back.
196
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:54,599
OK.
Come on. Ruby, come on, get out.
197
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,759
And stay out!
SHE GIGGLES
198
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,479
Look, I'm just saying,
199
00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:01,599
there's a lot going on here
at the moment, Ruby, OK? Like what?
200
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,639
I'm just saying, look,
if you want to keep your job,
201
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:07,519
please, will you just keep your head
down and stay out of trouble?
202
00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:11,159
I wasn't doing anything. I was just
talking to the... Susan thing.
203
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,159
Yes, but pretty soon,
if Vicki gets her way,
204
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,239
we're all gonna be
talking Susans. OK?
205
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,559
So please, Ruby,
will you just go? Go, please.
206
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,960
Off you go, thank you very much.
207
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,639
That's for you.
I made one for everyone in choir.
208
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,319
Are you serious?
209
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:33,959
If I got your measurements wrong,
you'll have to suck it up
210
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,800
cos those sequins are an absolute
bugger to run through the machine.
211
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:47,840
This bloody choir.
212
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,399
Yep, that's no problem.
213
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,880
If you just want to remove
the bottom person on your list.
214
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:02,759
OK, can I just pop you on hold
a minute?
215
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,999
Er, so, you don't do Snap?
216
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,119
I don't.
Man don't do tea.
217
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,999
OK.
So, do you like Rubicon?
218
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,999
Which flavour?
Up to you.
219
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:19,119
Mango.
I knew it, that is well good.
220
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:21,959
Er... I'll, er...
I'll see you later, then.
221
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:25,480
OK.
For a drink.
222
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:31,159
THAT drink,
so don't drink it yet.
223
00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:34,240
No, I... I got it.
Yeah.
224
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:42,399
Hello, Hellocom, keeping
you connected. Ruby speaking.
225
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,559
Can I take a name, please?
'Oh, you want my name? Sure.
226
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:47,759
'The name's God.'
God?
227
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,399
'Yeah, that's right. God.'
228
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:56,039
Um, how are you spelling that?
'Really? You want me to spell God?
229
00:11:56,040 --> 00:12:01,279
'Fine, um, G-O-D, as in, um...
Well, as in "God".'
230
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,479
Can I get your post code, please?
231
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:05,119
'Yeah, I don't really have
one of those.
232
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:09,199
'Put down HEAVEN1 or PEARLY GATES.
Whatever you think.'
233
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,839
I'm sorry, sir,
but if you're not gonna be serious,
234
00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:13,239
I will terminate the call.
235
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,359
'That's it, you walk away,
throw the towel in
236
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,719
'just like you always do.'
237
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,799
Sorry?
'You heard me, Ruby. Quitter.'
238
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:24,199
Ah, sorry, what?!
Hello? Hello?!
239
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,199
Oi! What's wrong with your face?
240
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:29,280
Don't you mean, "Are you OK, Ruby?"
That's what I said.
241
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,319
I know this is mad,
242
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,239
but I was just chatting to a guy
who said he was God.
243
00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:37,079
Probably just someone
dicking around.
244
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,439
You know when you, like,
get a really clear mental image
245
00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:41,519
of who you're talking to?
No.
246
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,159
Yes, you do.
Like when you hear their voice
247
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,839
and you can see them
in your mind's eye.
248
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,079
No, nobody does that.
Literally no-one.
249
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:49,319
No.
250
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,959
Well, I do.
But then, with God, nothing.
251
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,999
Ruby, were you looking for me?
252
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,759
Cos I've got a musk pocket now
if you want.
253
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,159
Did you just say
you've got a musk pocket?
254
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,399
Yeah, babes.
Like what Elon Musk does,
255
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,799
he breaks his day into little
five-minute pockets of time.
256
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:10,479
And you two clearly have
a lot in common.
257
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,319
You're not the first to notice,
258
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,839
although some days, I'd rather be
trying to get a rocket to Mars
259
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,479
than managing
this branch of Hellocom,
260
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,479
with a teenage daughter with
authority issues,
261
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:19,839
you know what I'm saying, babes?
262
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:23,559
Is this her? She's really pretty.
It's an old photo.
263
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:26,720
The pocket's already started, babes.
Sit down.
264
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,079
What can I do for you?
265
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:31,799
Well, is anything gonna happen
266
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,279
if we do really badly
at ChoirFest South West?
267
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,519
Before I answer that question,
can I pose you another?
268
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,759
Pose away.
269
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:44,119
Are you aware of the prophet and
philosopher Matthew McConaughey?
270
00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:49,959
I am aware of the Magic Mike actor
Matthew McConaughey.
271
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,759
The self same.
272
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:54,959
Now, in the teachings
of McConaughey,
273
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:58,719
we learn that sometimes,
which choice you make
274
00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:03,679
is not as important as making
a choice and committing to it.
275
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:06,519
Oh, that's actually quite good.
Isn't it?
276
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,799
The man's a genius
as far as I'm concerned.
277
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:12,319
So, now you know that...
278
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:15,840
what do you intend to do?
279
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,640
I'm not gonna give up the choir.
280
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,079
That's the spirit, cowboy!
281
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,199
Mainly because I don't know
if I mentioned it - I did -
282
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,479
but I'm doing a talk.
A wellbeing talk.
283
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:34,599
About the importance
of workplace wellness.
284
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,599
So, you know, no phoning in sick
that day, babes.
285
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,600
THEY LAUGH
Don't.
286
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:43,719
I won't. I'm gonna do us proud,
Vicki. Well, proudish.
287
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,399
Cos I don't care what God says,
I'm no quitter!
288
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,679
Well, I am,
but I don't want to be any more.
289
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,279
I'm gonna have my own
McConaissance.
290
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,559
A "McConaughey-sance".
Oh, yeah, that too.
291
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,999
ChoirFest South West, here we come!
Boom.
292
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,479
Can we have 15 minutes' extra break?
293
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,919
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
294
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,279
ALL HUMMING
♪ Here! ♪
295
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,439
CHEERING
296
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,280
We've got our capes on.
297
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:16,639
It's time for choir practice.
Let's go.
298
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,879
♪ What you know about
Livin' on the top?
299
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:21,119
♪ Penthouse suites
Lookin' down on the opps
300
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,439
♪ Took him for a test drive
Left him on the lot
301
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,479
♪ Time is money
So I spent it on a watch
302
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,999
♪ Hold on, lil' bitties
Showin' through the white tee
303
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,199
♪ You can see the thong
Bussin' out my tight jeans
304
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,399
♪ Rocks on my fingers
Like he wanna wife me... ♪
305
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,759
♪ Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you done... ♪
306
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,879
Why are you still here?
Why?
307
00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:42,119
I'll tell you why, shall I,
Hilda Hellocom?
308
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:45,639
We're still here because we are
gonna be the best workplace choir
309
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,519
in the whole of
the South West region,
310
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,799
including the Dyson Head Office
in Malmesbury.
311
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,679
We're still here
because we have the work ethic.
312
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:58,959
And we're still here because Dominic
can't get control of his vibrato
313
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,759
in the middle eight!
314
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,159
Well, Wendy Windows,
your time is up.
315
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:06,759
Cos whether you like it or not,
we've got to rehearse.
316
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,679
Ready?
♪ Weeeee... ♪
317
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:13,120
THEY JOIN IN
318
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,159
Is that meant to intimidate us?
SHE LAUGHS
319
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,999
Oh, I shouldn't laugh.
Save that for the competition.
320
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,559
You're gonna bring the house down.
321
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:26,919
♪ We're going to beat you
322
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:32,839
♪ You don't stand a chance in hell
323
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:37,919
♪ We're going to beat you
324
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:42,999
♪ You don't stand a chance in hell
325
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,880
♪ We're going to beat... ♪
BOTH HOLD HIGH NOTE
326
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:51,240
Fine!
327
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:56,799
Have the room. You clearly need
the practice more than we do.
328
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,719
Let's go, guys.
LAUGHTER
329
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,600
Hurry up, Dominic!
330
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,560
Yes!
331
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,879
Hey, any more chats
with God today, then?
332
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:14,079
No, none.
333
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,319
I did, he called me back
after lunch.
334
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,799
I told you, I bloody told you.
335
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,919
Yeah, except for
he's not really God.
336
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,759
He's a bloke called Fabio
who lives in Harrogate.
337
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:27,159
Yeah, but how did he know my name?
Answer me that.
338
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,479
Because you start every call
by saying, "Ruby speaking".
339
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,039
Hmm.
Maybe.
340
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,440
OK.
341
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:37,999
If it's spiritual awakening
you're after,
342
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,840
my offer of a drink still stands.
343
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,919
Tell you what, you can buy me
a pint of Thatchers
344
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:53,680
and then we'll see what happens.
No promises.
345
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,239
Melons, coming to the pub?
No, I'm not,
346
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,680
and don't ask me any more questions!
Mm! Let's go.
347
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,799
Vicki, I got the feedback
from the customer trials.
348
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:11,999
Ooh, good, I've been looking forward
to this.
349
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,600
I think you might wanna look
at this one.
350
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,720
Mrs Pikoulis. Sounds like
the general consensus.
351
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,320
"I found the chatbot creepy.
352
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,159
"Used my name too many times,
353
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,879
"felt uncomfortable knowing
I was talking to a robot."
354
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:32,799
Inconclusive, then.
355
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,840
It goes on.
356
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:37,559
"Ruby was more engaging,
357
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,919
"and I trusted that she was
looking out for my best interests,
358
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,840
"not just trying to get my money."
359
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,039
Looks like it's humans one,
chatbots zero.
360
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:51,000
Sorry about that, Susan.
Shh!
361
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,479
Another advantage to the "chatbok",
362
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:02,359
is that they have additional
features like office security.
363
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:04,919
Playback, Susan.
364
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,799
MARK, RECORDED: 'Just saying that
if you want to keep your job,
365
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,839
'please will you just keep your head
down and stay out of trouble?'
366
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:14,399
'I wasn't doing anything,
I was just talking to Susan.'
367
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,239
'Yes, but pretty soon,
if Vicki gets her way,
368
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,199
'we're all gonna be talking Susans.'
369
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,919
Seems to me
it's game, set and match.
370
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,159
SHE CHUCKLES
371
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,119
Looks at him and says, "Changing
lanes, are we are? Fair play."
372
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:28,320
Oh-ho-ho,
sounds like my kind of girl.
373
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:34,240
Mind if I have a quick word?
In private.
374
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:36,639
What do you want?
375
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,039
You really are a gobby cow,
aren't you?
376
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,639
And? Tell me something I don't know.
I bloody love it.
377
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,919
Mm, OK.
Here, take this. There's my card.
378
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:49,719
Call me - Weston Windows
could do with more people like you.
379
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:53,959
Let's go, Dominic. We're late
picking the kids up from your mum.
380
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,559
Are you and Dominic together?
381
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,799
Oh, yeah.
Pure animal, sexual chemistry
382
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,519
between us, always has been.
383
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,240
Dominic, stop picking that!
Let's go.
384
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,480
What did she want?
Nothing much.
385
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:23,600
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
386
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,960
Safe.
Safe.
387
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,840
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