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1
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:07,759
♪ On the streets, all the taxis
Are showin' me love
2
00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:11,719
♪ Cos I shinin' like a princess
In the middle of thugs
3
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:15,519
♪ And at the clubs
The bouncers rec-recognise my face
4
00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:19,760
♪ So while you waitin' in the line
We just enter the place
5
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:22,959
♪ Let's get this party started right
6
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:24,999
♪ Let's get drunk and freaky fly
7
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,679
♪ You with me, so it's all right
8
00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:28,959
♪ We gonna stay up the whole night
9
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,839
♪ Let's get this party started right
10
00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:32,840
♪ Let's get drunk and freaky fly. ♪
11
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:39,239
Speaker. I'll be having that.
Thank you, next.
12
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:43,520
♪ Throwin' back a couple bottles
And-and the tab... ♪
13
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:54,239
♪ I said, ugh, bonjour, motherf
14
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:57,679
♪ I see you staring at me
Liking it like a sucker
15
00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,599
♪ I said hola, senorita
16
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,679
♪ Baby, want get some butt
He loving it like bonita, yeah
17
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:12,079
♪ This is my film
You're an extra
18
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,319
♪ This is my... ♪
19
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:15,759
SONG CONTINUES QUIETLY
20
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,519
♪ Best catch this and then kiss it
No holiday we just visit... ♪
21
00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:22,119
SONG CONTINUES QUIETLY
22
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:23,839
You're not listening to me.
23
00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:26,719
This is a temporary pass,
it ain't valid any more!
24
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:27,759
OK, so?
25
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,279
You have to have your picture taken.
Morning, my loves.
26
00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:31,319
Seriously!
27
00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:34,479
Well, then I need to know
two things - who owns the copyright,
28
00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:36,359
and what happens to my image
after I leave?
29
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,439
It goes in the bin cos no-one cares.
30
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:41,799
I'll get back to you.
HE SCOFFS
31
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,359
Why'd you have to make everything
so fractious?
32
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,759
Morning, Craig. Bad day already?
33
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,559
Next level, boss man. Telling you.
34
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,800
Hi, bitch.
Hey. How mad is this?
35
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:58,399
Oh, work, yeah, I know,
every single day, it's so...
36
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,999
No, I mean us arriving together,
anyway, after last night.
37
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,879
Oh! Oh, so fun, yeah.
38
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,919
I could have stayed over after all.
No, you couldn't.
39
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:11,559
SHE LAUGHS
40
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,399
You're serious. Oh, God.
41
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,600
I'm sorry, Mark, that makes me sound
like a complete bitch, doesn't it?
42
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,399
It's just not really
my whole vibe, you know?
43
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,119
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally,
totally, yeah, yeah. Me neither.
44
00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,239
Oh, good, good. Erm...
45
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,679
Well, I'm gonna go and whip
some new recruits into shape. Fun.
46
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:33,799
It's really not, Mark...
at all, but, laters, bitch.
47
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,039
See you later.
48
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:36,399
Bitch!
49
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,199
Oh, no, no, no, Mark!
50
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,439
No, I didn't mean it
like "bitch" bitch, it wasn't a...
51
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:45,920
Listen, Mark, you have to stop
normalising misogyny.
52
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,399
HE EXHALES
53
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:56,039
No problem. So, sir, of course,
yeah, you can cancel any time. Ah.
54
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:59,840
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing.
What's your favourite film?
55
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:02,439
Mine too!
56
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,519
Yeah, small world.
No, actually, I'm a student, so...
57
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,239
It's absolutely nothing
to worry about.
58
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:11,479
"Don't be afraid of the dark,
just shine brighter"?
59
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,719
Why has Vicki put another
affirmation Post-it on my desk?
60
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,200
Ask her yourself.
61
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,279
Ruby's done it, haven't you, babes?
62
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,719
I've done a lot of stuff.
You're gonna have to narrow it down.
63
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,839
You've had your picture taken
for work.
64
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,639
Oh, yeah. That.
I haven't seen it, though.
65
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,399
That's because we use them for
Hellocom Hero Of The Week, babes,
66
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,279
so not likely. No offence.
67
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,519
Taken.
I don't like being photographed.
68
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:38,199
We've all got our weird little
indiocrincities, babes.
69
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:42,159
I don't like employers not doing
as they're told. Just not keen.
70
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:43,799
So get it done. Good girl.
71
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,119
SHE SIGHS
72
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,359
Not so fast, Rubes.
You're gonna wanna hear this.
73
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,879
Can I just put you on hold
for a minute? Big news.
74
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:53,119
Yours truly has been asked
to give a talk.
75
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,599
Is it a TED talk?
Not yet, Rubes.
76
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:59,919
I have been asked to speak
about wellness in the workplace
77
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:05,359
at the grand finale
of ChoirFest South West.
78
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,279
Boom!
ASOS vouchers.
79
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,279
Do you know what I says to them
when they asked me?
80
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:10,759
Was Karen Brady busy?
81
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,120
I says "No. No, babes.
82
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:19,759
"Not unless the Hellocom choir
get to enter the competition, too."
83
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,399
Sorry, what?
I got you in.
84
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,839
One month from now,
85
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:29,199
the Hellocom choir will be
performing at ChoirFest South West.
86
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,319
Can you believe it?
I cannot believe it.
87
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,799
You're very welcome, babes.
88
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,559
Do you see what I've done there,
Rubes,
89
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:41,639
is light a little fire under you,
OK? Right. Appreciated.
90
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,919
I'm just gonna log on now,
so you can just...
91
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:45,799
Ruby, that means you're late again.
92
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,639
I'm going through
some relationship stuff,
93
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:48,999
and I've just split up with...
94
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,719
I thought you were single and ready
to mingle? How do you know that?
95
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,239
HR monitor your Instagram.
96
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:56,359
Look at her face.
Perfectly normal, babes.
97
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:59,319
I don't think it is.
Right, listen up,
98
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,679
er, get me 20 more sales,
99
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,679
and there'll be Dunkin' Donuts
by teatime.
100
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,360
Yes!
Whoo!
101
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,239
Hello, Hellocom,
keeping you connected.
102
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:10,479
Tom speaking, how can I help?
103
00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:13,279
Good morning, Hellocom.
Keeping you connected.
104
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:16,199
Ruby speaking. How can I help you?
105
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,439
So you were saying
the reality package?
106
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,479
♪ I'mma take a walk of pride
I'mma take a walk of pride
107
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,799
♪ I got sunshine in my stride
I got sunshine in my stride. ♪
108
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,759
Oi, oi! Big night, Mr Lover Lover!
109
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,639
We saw you two arriving
this morning.
110
00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:33,079
Just a coincidence. It was.
Ask her if you want.
111
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:34,919
All right.
No, no, please don't. Ha-ha-ha!
112
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,559
So, er, are you two, like,
a thing, then, or what,
113
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,119
cos we're all dying to know,
aren't we?
114
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,559
I'm not that bothered.
115
00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:41,759
No, not really.
116
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,439
If you were in a relationship,
you'd have to inform HR
117
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:45,679
or face disciplinary action
118
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,559
for abusing
your management position, right?
119
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,519
Legally speaking.
How do you know that?
120
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,039
Well, I'm training to be a lawyer,
so... Here he goes.
121
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,439
Right.
122
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,759
I guess you'll just have
to split up, then, or something.
123
00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,079
Can you get back to work, please?
124
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,439
Stop gossiping
about my personal life.
125
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,920
Tom speaking, how can I help?
Caller waiting.
126
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,159
Good morning, Hellocom,
Ruby speaking. How can I help you?
127
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,319
Yeah, I'd like to speak
to your supervisor, please.
128
00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:13,959
OK,
can I just get your account number?
129
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,399
Look, love, I want
the organ grinder, not the monkey.
130
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,239
Now get me a supervisor.
Well, I...
131
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:22,359
Supervisor, supervisor, supervisor!
132
00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:23,880
I'm transferring you now!
133
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,200
Er, Mark? Anyone seen Mark?
Dunno.
134
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,319
Hiya, sir.
135
00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:41,159
My name's Bernadette,
and I'm Ruby's supervisor.
136
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,919
How can I help you now, my love?
137
00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,319
At last, someone with a brain cell.
138
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,439
Cheeky. It's enough to make
a senior team leader blush.
139
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,399
What can I do for you, my darling?
140
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,759
Well, Bernadette,
if I might call you Bernadette...
141
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:58,759
You can call me
whatever you like, my love,
142
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,239
as long as we get you
up and running.
143
00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:03,279
I can't seem to access
the history channels.
144
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:06,319
Oh, well, maybe you haven't bought
the history package,
145
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,079
you massive bell end!
146
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,039
Why don't you give me
your account number,
147
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:13,519
and I'll get this upgraded sorted
for you in no time, all right?
148
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,799
You're a lifesaver, Bernadette.
149
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,359
Well, it makes my day lovelier
to know
150
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,959
I've helped a gentleman in distress.
151
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:22,839
HANGS UP
152
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,479
Oh, my God, I've made a sale.
Where is it?
153
00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:26,999
GASPS
154
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,959
Oh!
155
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,239
What?
Well done!
156
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,959
HOOTS HORN
I made a sale!
157
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,839
Argh!
158
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,479
That's too brilliant.
159
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:40,119
Oh, you have got to hear this.
160
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,759
Well, who's on the...?
161
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,919
Who are you talking to?
162
00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,719
What's that?
Chat Bot. Keep up.
163
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,239
This one's called Susan.
164
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:50,959
She's ever so funny.
165
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,159
Susan, say hello to Marko.
166
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,959
Hey, Marko, it's good to see you.
167
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,279
You're looking very well.
168
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:58,439
Thanks...
Susan.
169
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,239
...Susan. So are you.
170
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,199
I appreciate
this exchange of compliments.
171
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,359
All right, you two, get a room.
172
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,479
Head Office want us
to run a bit of a trial,
173
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,599
divert a few callers to the Susan,
just see how the customers get on.
174
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,319
Really? We've already got Hellocom
text, and people aren't keen.
175
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:16,279
Well, that was pre the Susans.
176
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:17,639
Well, nobody told me about it.
177
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,519
Yeah, they did, just now,
cos this is me telling you, OK?
178
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:21,759
Trial starts Monday.
179
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:22,919
All right.
180
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,439
Oh!
181
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,319
Didn't you want something?
182
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:29,999
Er, yes, yes, it was just a...
just a quick one around, um...
183
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,759
Mm-hm, mm-hm.
184
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,879
...inter-staff relationships.
185
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,880
Mm-hm. Platonic or sexual?
186
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,720
Sexual?
187
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:46,159
Well, truth be told,
there's a bundle of rules and regs
188
00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,039
about who can touch what, when
and how,
189
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,159
but, babes, my view is this -
190
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,279
if you're farming bunnies in a cage,
191
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:55,199
some of them bunnies are gonna start
shagging. See what I'm saying?
192
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,079
Er, sort of
turn-a-blind-eye policy, then?
193
00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:58,399
Yeah.
194
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,639
Unless one bunny is deemed
to be in a position of authority,
195
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,839
in which case inform HR immediately.
196
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,719
That, too. Anyone I know?
197
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,159
No.
Rohan and Angela with the shit hair?
198
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:10,639
No.
Steven and Diego?
199
00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,279
No.
Not Donna and Nightwatch Graham?
200
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,479
No! It's just a hypothetical, really.
201
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:16,879
Pavel and One-Jumper Debbie?
202
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,720
I'm not telling you who it is!
203
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:29,319
Yeah, yep, same to you, darling.
OK, take care now.
204
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:33,359
Me and Bernadette
zooming up the white board.
205
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,839
Ruby, how have you done that?
She's pretending to be that...
206
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,719
The best sales person in the
business, and it's working for me.
207
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,759
You're putting on funny voices
again, aren't you?
208
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,039
Yes, yes, I am.
209
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,599
Why can't you just try the
same technique in your own voice?
210
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:48,119
I've tried, honest, I have,
211
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:52,079
but I can't be as, like,
shallow and mercenary as, say, Tom,
212
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,639
and still be my authentic self.
213
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:55,999
Shallow and mercenary are totally
out of your league, son.
214
00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:01,519
Well, look who just got herself some
collagen and gold eye bag patches.
215
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,039
Who?
216
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:06,319
You did. But I'll give them to you
after...
217
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,200
Choir practice.
Now she's got it.
218
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:14,919
Melons.
Mm-hm?
219
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,479
Have you ever done any singing?
220
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,559
Yeah.
221
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:22,279
Oh, my Mum makes me sing Bananarama
when I'm walking home on my own.
222
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:23,439
Ah!
223
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,679
That's nice, so you sort of feel
happy and confident.
224
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:28,599
Oh, no, so that my vocal chords
are warmed up
225
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,519
in case I'm attacked
by a man in the street
226
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,639
and I need to scream
to draw attention to myself
227
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,279
before he drags me into a bush
228
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,440
and brutally murders me
with his bare hands.
229
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,639
Hello, Hellocom, er, Tom speaking.
230
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,919
Beautiful, Melons. Right, you're in.
231
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:52,039
In fact, everyone on this desk,
come with me. Choir.
232
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,239
Hold on, I've got that Mr Beamish
on the line again,
233
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,599
and he only wants to talk
to Bernadette.
234
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,120
Huh-huh, aargh!
235
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:01,319
Oh!
236
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:04,599
Bore da, Hellocom,
Bernadette speaking.
237
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,519
How can I help you this time,
Mr Beamish?
238
00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:09,960
♪ I don't wanna pay
I don't wanna pay. ♪
239
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:18,319
There she is, with a voice
like liquid caramel.
240
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,599
I think all caramel's
a sort of liquid, isn't it?
241
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,199
Otherwise it would be toffee,
I reckon.
242
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,760
Leave the compares
to your sweetness, Bernie. Urgh!
243
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,039
Can I call you Bernie?
244
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,679
No. But you can give me
your account number
245
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:34,719
and let me know
how I can assist you again today.
246
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,839
I just wanted to hear
your lovely voice once more.
247
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,119
Well, you've heard it now.
248
00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,959
I'm trying to picture you
in my mind's eye.
249
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,240
Bet you've got
a little Welsh bonnet on...
250
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:46,399
...and nothing else.
251
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,399
That is not appropriate language,
Mr Beamish,
252
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,359
I'm terminating the call.
253
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,159
Ugh!
254
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,919
What is wrong with men?
255
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,239
SHE MOUTHS
256
00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:00,199
All right, I'm c...
I'm coming.
257
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:04,679
Right, who is up
for a little workplace singsong?
258
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:07,399
You can run, but you can't hide, boys.
259
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:10,119
Cos whether you like it or not,
I'm in charge now,
260
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,359
and this choir is about to get lit!
261
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,519
# Can't survive
262
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,839
♪ I can't stay alive
263
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:20,199
♪ Without your love
264
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,799
♪ No, baby
265
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:25,559
♪ Don't leave me this way
266
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:28,279
♪ I can't exist
267
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,799
♪ I will surely miss
268
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,399
♪ Your tender kiss
269
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,559
♪ Don't leave me this way
270
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:38,999
♪ Aaaaah... ♪
OK.
271
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,519
♪ Baby... ♪
272
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:44,039
Bit shit, but I've no doubt Ruby
knows what to do, don't you, babes?
273
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,319
Yep. Yep. All good, yep.
274
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,959
Smashing, cos if she doesn't,
the only thing she'll be taking home
275
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:53,199
from ChoirFest South West is a P45.
276
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,679
LAUGHS
277
00:12:54,680 --> 00:13:00,480
OK, I shall leave you
in her very... hands.
278
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,239
So what do you really think?
Do you want me to be dead honest?
279
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:07,879
No.
280
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,639
Craig, are you joining us?
No.
281
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:13,519
Unless you need me
to spit some bars cos I...
282
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,479
I don't.
283
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:18,079
Oh, well, then I'm just, er,
I'm just looking for someone.
284
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,119
Who?
I don't know.
285
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:23,600
Some geezer in reception
says he's here for a Bernadette?
286
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,440
Shit it!
287
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:37,039
Mm, better turned out
than I imagined.
288
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,879
Quite good looking, really.
289
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,399
He ain't that good looking.
290
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,119
How does he know where you work?
291
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,479
I don't know, I think...
Sold him the history channels,
292
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,399
tested his broadband speed,
and then he got mucky.
293
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,559
He wasn't that Robert
from Guess Who?
294
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:50,639
Who's Robert?
295
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,119
Brown hair, snake parting.
296
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,719
Melancholy eyes.
Yeah. Yeah.
297
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,479
It's like the start of a romcom,
isn't it?
298
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,599
Or a true crime podcast.
299
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,359
Shall I tell him to go away?
300
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,399
Yeah, absolutely.
301
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,999
Sure? He's quite nice
and, like, clean.
302
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,639
Get rid of him, Craig.
303
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,559
Right, right. Right, this is it.
304
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:11,479
Big man's going down.
305
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,359
Believe.
306
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:16,319
Whoo! Here we go, come on!
307
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,119
Go on, Craig, son, you tell him.
308
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,120
INDISTINCT SPEECH
309
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:27,279
THEY CHUCKLE
310
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:28,919
Why are they laughing?
311
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,719
Well, Craig is very charismatic.
312
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,479
Oooh!
313
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,680
Does she look like one of them, her?
314
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:43,759
This is mad. I'm getting rid of
that nut job once and for all.
315
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:48,000
Oi! Want me to come with you
for back-up?
316
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,199
Pretend I'm your boyfriend
or something?
317
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:54,799
No! No, why have I got to pretend
to be in some sort of relationship
318
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,559
just to get rid of some weirdo?
319
00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,239
No, this is for me to sort out.
You know why? It's your fault.
320
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,719
No, because I've had enough of it.
321
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,279
I put up
with the wrong man in my life
322
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:07,479
cos it made everything easier.
Walking home at night was easier,
323
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,239
sleeping in a ground floor flat
was easier,
324
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,319
even going to a restaurant
was easier.
325
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:12,759
How is this relevant?
It's not.
326
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:15,359
Because I want to be able
to conduct myself in this world
327
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,839
without having to put up
with shit like this.
328
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:20,199
So, thanks for your offer, Tom.
329
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:24,679
Put a pin in it, but I need to go
and sort this out on my own.
330
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:28,960
I mean, we're going with her, right?
Of course.
331
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:35,159
Hi, Mr Beamish. Here's the news,
Bernadette didn't exist,
332
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,799
I was just pissing about
doing daft voices to pass the time.
333
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:38,999
I don't believe you.
334
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,479
I'm not being funny,
335
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,359
but that's your tough turnips,
so it is.
336
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,319
I'm sorry, I went a bit Irish
at the end there.
337
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:47,719
No, it's me that should be sorry.
I don't know what came over me,
338
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,519
and-and I feel utterly ashamed
of myself.
339
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:51,839
Right.
340
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:56,079
And that's why I came here today,
to offer my humble apologies
341
00:15:56,080 --> 00:16:00,680
and to ask if you'd let me
buy you dinner to say sorry.
342
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,080
No!
343
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:07,639
Sorry?
344
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:10,319
Er, perhaps you don't understand.
345
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,999
Um, I've apologised for my actions,
mea culpa,
346
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:18,080
and now I'm offering
to take you out, on me.
347
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,359
Oh, I see.
348
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,399
The only thing on you, mate,
349
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,279
is the fact that you thought
it was appropriate
350
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:28,639
to talk to a woman like that, so,
no, I don't accept your apology,
351
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,440
and I won't be going to dinner
with you.
352
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,559
But I said sorry.
353
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,199
But I don't care.
354
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,359
Well, then I'd like
to speak to your supervisor.
355
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,719
Sorry?
356
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:42,519
Supervisor, supervisor, supervisor.
357
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,239
HORN BLARES
358
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:45,439
Oh!
359
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,039
That is him, isn't it?
Yeah. Good.
360
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,479
You can go, mate, fuck off!
Yeah. Yeah, that's right, mate,
361
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:51,159
do one, cos I'll call the police,
362
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,079
and if I see your face
round here again,
363
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,599
you'll get the mace next time,
OK, babe?
364
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:57,799
See ya.
365
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,799
Yeah, knob.
SHE MOUTHS
366
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:01,839
And that, my chickens,
is what you get
367
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:04,199
when you ask for the supervisor.
368
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:08,079
Wow, Vicki, that was awesome!
You're my hero.
369
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,599
Shall we kiss now or something?
370
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:13,679
Tell you what, babe,
go back to your desk,
371
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:17,519
do your job and stop pissing about,
OK?
372
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,280
And then shall we kiss?
373
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,839
I promise, no more Bernadette,
she's left the building.
374
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,079
Shame, cos I was gonna give her
a bonus.
375
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,399
Oh, damn it.
376
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,679
Right, Mels, while we're here,
get that picture done
377
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:32,319
because thanks to your actions,
you're my Hellocom Hero Of The Week.
378
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,160
Let's go.
379
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,080
Right.
380
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,719
You all right?
Yes, yep.
381
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,959
Come on, I'll make you
a nice cup of tea.
382
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:47,879
Oh, can it be an oat milk
flat white?
383
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:48,959
HE CHUCKLES
384
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,439
No, seriously, can it be
an oat milk flat white?
385
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,120
No.
Mm.
386
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:58,200
Stand there, please.
And, er, look at the camera, please.
387
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,759
Why don't you like
having your picture taken?
388
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:04,960
I just don't see why I have to.
389
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,000
Maybe you don't.
390
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,799
What do you reckon, then?
391
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,760
You are rubbish at noses,
but I like it.
392
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,719
Ellie, Ellie.
Mm?
393
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,239
Yeah, can we have a quick chat?
394
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,479
Um, is it gonna be boring?
395
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:34,359
What? Er, no.
396
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,519
Oh, OK.
397
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:36,840
Um, if we just...
398
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,599
Well, it's just, I was...
I was talking to the guys,
399
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,679
and-and, well, do you think
that we might, like, you know,
400
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,279
like, sleep together again?
401
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:49,119
Er, yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, last night was hot fun, bitch!
402
00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:51,199
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was, wasn't it?
403
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,719
Well, well, in that case
I might have to speak to HR
404
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,719
because, like, as a manager,
I need to make it clear
405
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,359
that I'm not, you know,
like, exploiting my position.
406
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:01,799
Oh, bless you,
that is really, really sweet.
407
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,039
What?
408
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,639
Well, it's just that, like,
you think that you're my boss
409
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,439
because you're team leader.
410
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,559
Bitch, I get paid
twice as much money as you do.
411
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,199
I mean, if anyone should be speaking
to HR it really should be me.
412
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,679
Right. Well, will you?
413
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,359
SHE CHUCKLES
No chance.
414
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,599
So, are you coming home with me?
415
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:19,999
Yeah.
OK.
416
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,439
Gonna be all right getting home?
417
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,039
We can give you a lift if you want?
Can we?
418
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:27,439
Can we? No, I'm fine, I'll walk.
419
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,040
See you.
See you.
420
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,039
What?
421
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,800
I do not.
422
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,320
SIGHS
423
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:57,280
Where's "play"?
424
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,240
Bananarama.
425
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:05,560
'Venus'
by Bananarama
426
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,440
♪ Goddess on a mountain top
427
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,520
♪ Burning like a silver flame
428
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,160
♪ The summit of beauty and love
429
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,320
♪ And Venus was her name
430
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,439
♪ She's got it
431
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:39,440
♪ Yeah, baby, she's got it
432
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:43,999
♪ I'm your Venus
433
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,000
♪ I'm your fire, your desire. ♪
434
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,999
# Well, I'm your Venus
435
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,799
♪ I'm your fire
436
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,360
♪ At your desire
437
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,520
♪ Her weapons were her crystal eyes
438
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,880
♪ Making every man mad
439
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,559
♪ Black as the dark night, she was
440
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:14,599
♪ Got what no-one else had, whoa!
441
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,119
♪ She's got it
442
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:19,680
♪ Yeah, baby, she's got it. ♪
33333
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