Original subtitles

(theme music playing)

(guitar feedback whines)

(surf rock instrumental playing)

(bubble pops)

(laughing, chattering behind door)

Jack: All right, this is it. This is it.

File in! File in, guys.

(laughing): Okay.

Hunter, Smirnoff and tonic, slice of lime. Right?

Hunter: Uh, yeah, if you got it.

-And, Jenna, Bacardi and Diet Pepsi? -Hmm?

Uh, yeah, Psychic Friend. How'd you know?

Come on. I know what my roommates like to drink.

You've only lived with us for a month, Jack.

I don't even know what my roommates' last names are.

Uh, Luke Thunderfuck. How ya doin'?

(laughing)

Fine, till I touched your wet hand.

-It's not wet. God, Morg. -You got clam hands, Luke! It's a condition.

-Nothing for a Thunderfuck to be ashamed of. -Jenna: Aw.

-(Jenna laughs) -Luke.

-Jaeger. -Thanks, dude.

Jack: Hunter? Cheers.

-Morgan, Jack and Coke, right? -Yeah, whatever.

-Jenna: So, Jack. -So, Jenna.

You rented a motel room.

-Jack: I did. -On a Saturday night.

-Jack: Correct. -Jenna: And you set up a fucking bar.

-Ooh, and joints! -(others laughing)

Are you trying to get into all of our pants or something?

You're already halfway in at this point, just keep it goin', dude!

Jack: Nah, guys. Like, um, like you said.

I've been at the house for a whole month as of today,

uh, and I just-- I just wanted to, um...

(sighs) Um...

I used to move around, a lot,

like a whole lot, and, um...

I never...

really felt like I belonged...

until, uh...

You know, you don't have to throw us a whole party just to tell us that.

Yeah, just sign up to take out the trash.

-(laughing) -No, um... No, I had to do something special.

So, come on! Everyone, drink up!

-All: Cheers! -Hunter: All right!

Why didn't you just throw a party at the house?

-(laughter and cheering) -What?!

I said, why did you rent a room?

Why not just throw a party at the house?

(spritzing)

That's why.

-Foam! -Hunter: Foam!

-(laughing) -Foam?

-Babe, you got a problem with foam? -Yeah!

Last time I went to a foam party, it fucking ruined my clothes.

-Well, then just strip. -Ha-ha. You wish.

Every night. Oh! Sorry, Hunter.

I appreciate the honesty, dude.

Morgan: We're gonna get in trouble for this, Jack.

-Really? -Yeah!

-I'm serious. -Jenna: So am I.

You should have told us how to dress appropriately.

This crap's gonna leave residue everywhere.

Oh, reside. Oh, that sounds bad.

That sounds really, really bad!

(laughing)

-Jenna: Honey! -Hunter: What?

Honey, I wear this dress to work!

Hunter: Oh, come on. You got a closet full of clothes.

I got my shit like in a milk crate on the floor.

Babe, we saw that dresser by the dumpster last week, and you said you didn't want it.

I don't want some dumpster dresser!

Hey, guys, shut up, all right? This is a party, okay?

It's a fuckin' foam party, just for us. Okay?

Thrown by this great, great big-hearted man right here.

-I'm not a great man. -No, you are. Shut up. Shut up.

You guys, we're not gonna-- we're not gonna fuck it up, are we, by bitching

about some dress or some residue...

-Morgan: What? -...or some dumpster dresser, are we?

-Are we?! -Jenna: I don't know.

Others: No!

Hell no, we're not! Move!

-(Luke yells) -(laughing)

Fuck, yeah, man!

Fuckin' foam!

(laughing)

(punk rock music playing)

♪ Something's wrong with the world today ♪

♪ The girls are plastic ♪

♪ And the guys all look the same ♪

♪ You'll never make me one of you ♪

♪ One of you ♪

♪ 'Cause I got nothin' left to prove ♪

♪ And I don't play by your rules ♪

♪ Conformity ♪

♪ You'll never get the best of me ♪

♪ You'll never catch me at a frat party ♪

♪ Or drinkin' those Bacardi mixers ♪

♪ Conformity ♪

♪ You're never gonna bring me down ♪

♪ Down ♪

♪ I'm much bigger than this old one-horse town ♪

♪ You'll never bring me down ♪

-♪ Conformity! ♪ -(song ends)

(rock music playing in background)

(laughing)

Morgan: Mm! Do another twirl!

-(laughs): A twirl. -Morgan: Twirl, girl!

-Morgan: Oh! Ten out of ten! -(cheering)

Dude.

Hey?

-Drunky? -Hmm?

Weed, weed or weed?

-I'm-I'm a pretty hairy guy. -(laughs)

Well, Luke, I try not to think about your body hair.

But if I am forced to, I guess I'd have to say...

there's a lot of it.

Well, then what's goin' on here?

Uh, well, that's-that's weird.

-What's weird? -Uh, Luke's arm.

Hunter: What about Luke's arm?

What's up?

Holy fuck!

-Oh God. -(laughs)

Is this happening to you guys too?

-I can't tell, I shaved my arms. -Why?

I'm a fucking prepube, so I've never had hair on my arms.

Oh my God! Guys, look!

-(shrieks) -Hunter: Oh my God.

-Oh my God, babe! -What the fuck is happening?!

Uh...

Guys! Look!

-Oh! -Morgan: Oh my God!

Guys, it's... it's the fuckin' foam!

Everybody, get up! Get on something!

(panicked chattering)

Luke, get on something!

I'm on it! I'm on it!

What the fuck kind of foam is this, Jack?!

It's foam. It's just regular party foam.

It's eating my fucking hair!

Dude, if this makes me bald, I swear to God!

I'm sorry.

(laughs) All right, look,

we just gotta get this stuff off of us.

Yeah. Yeah. Good idea. Everyone strip.

(Hunter snickers)

-What? -Jenna: Fuck you, Luke!

Why are you always trying to get everybody naked?

Whoa, Morg. Look at your dress.

(Jack laughs)

Oh... shit!

Wait. Luke, we need shut the machine off, and we'll just wait for it to dissolve.

I'm not putting my hand under that.

Just put it-- Just put it in a comforter or a sheet or something.

-Jack. Where is the off switch? -Uh, uh... I-I don't know.

Okay, dude, fuck the machine!

We should just make a run for the door.

-Yes. -Are you kidding?

I'm not getting anymore of this shit on me.

Oh, we could call somebody.

Luke, there's a telephone right there.

Luke: Okay.

It's dead. It's fuckin' dead.

Yeah, because the foam probably ate the cord.

Just like it's gonna eat everything else in this fuckin' room

if we don't shut that thing off!

She's right, dude.

Yeah. Sorry, Luke, but--

Fuck no! I'm not gonna-- Shut up! All right!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Okay! Just--

Fuck.

(grunts)

Are you happy? Are you fuckin' happy?

You got me talking and touching some toxic shit!

Okay, yeah. It's just because you were on that bed, man!

-Okay. -Morgan: Okay?

Jack: Guys, look. I got an idea.

Oh fuck, yeah. Yeah, put-- Splash, splash me right here.

-Morgan: Um, Luke-- -Splash me too. Splash me.

See a cord or anything?

Morgan: Luke?!

Hunter: Luke?

Jenna: Luke!

(Luke moans, snores)

Oh my God. Did he pass out?

Well, maybe someone shouldn't have been force-feeding him Jaeger!

You mean him force-feeding himself.

All right! Fuck this, okay!

Someone needs to shut the machine off. I'm gonna do it.

No, no, Just-- just wake him up first.

-Yeah, I can splash him. -(water running)

Morgan, what is on your face?

Morgan: Uh...

What the fuck is going on, Jack?

I-I swear to God, I... I don't know.

-(Luke snorts) -Luke?

Hunter: Are you okay?

Buddy?

(gasps)

Luke!

Well, no! Come on! Somebody's gotta help him!

Jenna: He probably just passed out again.

Morgan: No, no. I don't think so, Jenna.

Well, we can't just leave him down there. Can we?

Why did he have your face?

-Hunter: Jack-- -Shh!

-Jesus! -Sorry. Your face was, uh...

Hey, asshole, splash us too. I don't wanna turn into you.

-I'm not turning anyone into anything. -Jack--

-This wasn't my fault. -Jack!

Is there a window in the bathroom?

Oh, 'cause the door's been closed the whole time.

I went in to take a piss when I got the room, but--

I don't remember.

(grunts)

Fuck, yeah, Morg!

(door slams)

(doorknob rattles)

Hey, let me in!

Morgan, hey!

I think you locked the door by accident.

(water running)

Hey, it's getting really high out here.

Guys, what should we do? Guys?!

Jack: Morgan, open the door!

Morgan!

Don't leave me out here!

-(door slams open) -(panting): All right.

(grunts, pants)

(whimpers): What the fuck! No, no.

Morgan, I gotta get in there.

Fuck, it's all over me.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

(water running)

Is it not working?

-(faucet squeaks) -(water stops)

Are you... me?

(chuckles, gasps)

No.

This can't be happening.

This can't be happening.

Hey.

Stop.

(growling)

Morgan! Stop it!

Oh God, Morg!

Jack: I'm so sorry! (whimpers)

No, please, just stop!

(electrical buzzing)

Hunter?

Jenna?

(whispers): Guys?

Look.

I know...

I must have...

I must have something to do with this.

Obviously because of what's happening to you.

But I need you to know...

I don't know what it is.

And I would never hurt you.

Okay? I love you guys.

(panting): Come on. Luke?

Hunter?

Jenna?

(doorknob rattling)

(sloshing, burbling)

Guys?

(door opens)

Morgan?

Oh shit!

Jack: Huh?

Aah, aah.

Huh? Aah!

(Jack gasping)

(gasping)

Let me go!

(low, raspy voice): Never.

(gasping)

Jack: You killed my friends.

(deep, croaking voice): Yes, we did.

(grunting)

Jack: What do you want from me?

(deep, croaking voice): More... friends!

(gasping)

(grunts)

Huh? (whimpering)

No! (grunts)

(grunting)

(screaming)

(whimpering)

(birds chirping outside)

(groans)

The fuck?

-(knocking on door) -Woman: Housekeeping.

Oh. Uh...

No, thank you!

-Woman: Checking out today, sir? -Yeah. We are.

Woman: Okay, I'll come back.

(bubble pops)

♪ Conformity ♪

♪ You'll never get the best of me ♪

♪ You'll never catch me at a foam party ♪

♪ Or drinkin' those Bacardi mixers ♪

♪ Conformity ♪

♪ You're never gonna bring me down ♪

♪ I ain't one of you straight-A varsity clowns ♪

♪ You'll never break me down ♪

♪ Conformity ♪

♪ All these clones just do what they're told ♪

♪ They graduate to corporate jobs ♪

♪ And now they're fuckin' old ♪

♪ But me, I do things my own way ♪

♪ My own way ♪

♪ I'll never do what you do ♪

♪ Or do what you say ♪

♪ Conformity ♪

♪ You'll never get the best of me ♪

♪ You'll never break me down ♪

♪ You'll never bring me down ♪

♪ Conformity ♪

CHIP CRAWFORD: My whole life is a total misery.