Original subtitles

Announcer: Room 104 is filmed in front of a live studio audience.

(audience applauds, cheers)

-(audience laughing) -Damn.

-God. Come on. -(electronic toy beeping)

Weatherman (on TV): Increasing cloudiness tomorrow, sticky and humid...

-(turns off TV) -Woman: Honey,

-what are you doing? -(electronic toy screeching)

(whispering): Nothing. You're dreaming.

Harry, if I were dreaming, you'd be Tom Cruise.

-(audience laughs) -(toy blooping)

I'd like to see Maverick maneuver this death trap.

-(audience laughs) -(sighs)

-(toy clicking) -Dad, turn it off!

(whispering): Jules! Don't wake your brother and sister.

-Me? -(audience laughs)

(whispering): Everyone, back to sleep.

Shh! Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy.

-(grunts) -(audience laughs)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(alarm beeping)

-(audience laughs) -(beeping)

(theme song playing)

♪ When times are tough, tough get going ♪

♪ But you never know which way the wind is blowing ♪

♪ In Room 104 ♪

♪ When money's tight and you're scrambling ♪

♪ Everywhere you turn, it's your family ♪

♪ In Room 104 ♪

♪ In these four walls, you might wonder ♪

♪ Why bother? ♪

♪ When you are living on top of each other ♪

♪ Waitin', hopin' ♪

♪ Wishin', mopin' ♪

♪ Till the day ♪

♪ We find a way ♪

♪ When times are tough, tough get going ♪

♪ To Room 104 ♪

(audience applauds, cheers)

Jules: Mom!

-Mom! -Jules, what?

We are literally in the same room.

(scoffs) Yeah, we're in the only room.

(audience laughs)

Jules, not today.

Dad's hogging the bathroom again.

Mom, I need to finish my diorama.

Okay, well maybe your dad can help you with that today.

No, I don't want Dad's help. He always ruins things.

Oh, honey-- Oh, Will!

Maddie! Who left this thing out again?

(toy beeping)

(audience laughs)

You guys, this doesn't work unless we all chip in.

(laughs) This doesn't work

because there's five people living in one hotel room.

I said not today.

(sighs)

(knocking)

Harry?

-(audience laughs) -Harry!

-Harry! -Wha-wha-what?

Jules needs to use the bathroom.

-That's what I'm doing, using it. -(audience laughs)

-Jules: Dad, I need some privacy! -Hmm?

-(audience laughs) -(sighs)

(sitcom music playing)

Oh, what's going on in here, huh?

(chuckles)

Oh, Will, Maddie,

stop playing with your food and eat your...

-breakfast. -(kids giggling)

(audience laughs)

(laughing)

Okay.

A special meal for a special day.

-Hmm? -(sniffs)

You made the same thing yesterday.

(sighs)

And I loved it. Oof.

(audience laughs)

Oh, Harry, did you remember

to call Charlie to fix the fridge?

You know what? Harry! (huffs)

-Electronic Toy: Bop it! Bop it! -(groans)

Bop it! Bop it!

Honey?

(knocking)

Honey?

Everything okay?

-(audience laughs) -(knocking)

Out.

(audience laughs)

-(audience laughs) -(door slams)

-(door locks) -(sighs) Guys,

I think today may be your mom's birthday.

(audience laughs)

Jules, Will, Maddie, family meeting.

Round up, come on.

So, it seems we all forgot what today is.

It's Mommy's birthday. I made her a card.

Oh.

So, just me.

(audience laughs)

Look, guys, we got lots to do. We have to work as a team

and make this a special day for Mommy.

Dad, don't forget, I also have to do my book report diorama.

Okay, so we need to make today special for Mommy

and also help Maddie with her diorama.

-(audience laughs) -Can we decorate?

Excellent idea, Will.

I think there's some decorations under the bed.

(sighs) I think there might be a few things under there.

Actually, I think they might be up here.

-(thuds) -(audience laughs)

Daddy? Are you dead?

(audience laughs)

Daddy?

-(snapping) -Dad!

Daddy's not dead!

What's going on?

-It's Mommy's birthday! -And you're not dead.

Who? What?

-What...? -Yeah, are you okay?

What's going on?

-Will: It's Mommy's birthday. -Maddie: And you're not dead.

But you're gonna be after she sees this.

(sighs)

-Dad? -(snapping)

Okay, so...

Maddie should go start her diorama, right?

Oh, mm-hmm...

And Will and I can start figuring out a cake.

And you can...

start blowing up balloons.

(blowing)

Dad, how are we supposed to make a cake without an oven?

How about a pancakes cake?

A cake made out of pancakes?

Dad, tell Will that's lame.

Guys, I gotta say, I'm not entirely sure what's going on.

Dad, how are we supposed to make a cake without an oven?

Wait. Didn't you just ask me that?

And wasn't I just blowing up a blue balloon?

Wha...?

How about a pancakes cake?

A cake made out of pancakes?

Dad, tell Will that's lame.

All right, seriously, guys. What's going on?

-I have no idea. -You usually don't.

(audience laughing)

What was that?

Did you hear that?

And before,

it's like I knew everything you were gonna say.

Yeah, Dad. Life's predictable.

-(audience laughs) -Aah! You heard that?

-Linda: Harry? -And that? You can't hear that?

I heard that, Daddy.

Yeah, it's Mom. Remember,

we're trying to keep her in the bathroom for the birthday surprise?

-(sighs) -You're silly, Daddy.

(audience laughs)

Aah!

Oh good. You must be the mom. Maybe you can help me.

What's going on out there? I heard screaming.

(sighs)

Did you stick your hand in the toaster again?

(audience laughs)

No!

I-I have no idea what's going on out there with those kids.

-That's parenthood. -(audience laughs)

You're part of this, aren't you?

You're just like them!

Wait. You guys are all working together? Is that what it is?

And, and why all the laughing?

-I'm not laughing. -(audience laughs)

(sighs)

I think I'm just going crazy.

I...

Hmm.

"Harry enters the bathroom to find Linda in the empty tub

"with the earmuffs, coffee, and a stack of magazines and newspapers.

"She's reading a magazine.

"He sits down with a plan to get her to stay in the bathroom.

-Harry, what's going on?" -Linda: What's going on out there?

I heard screaming. (sighs)

-Did you-- -Stick my hand in the toaster?

No. Why would somebody do that? What am I, an idiot?

-I'm not an idiot. -(audience laughs)

All right, clearly you can't help me out here.

Don't forget to help Maddie with her diorama.

(sitcom music playing)

-Hello, Harry! -(audience cheers, applauds)

Wait, now who are you?

(laughs) Never gets old, Mr. Turner.

(audience laughs)

Jules: Um, Maddie, I think that's probably too much superglue.

-Maddie: How else is it all gonna stay put? -(mouthing)

Okay, okay.

Enough is enough.

What is this, like some kind of sitcom?

I mean, you guys are literally doing everything this says.

Look, it says next is Harry.

Oh wait, I'm supposed to be Harry, right?

Okay, what does Harry say? Harry says...

"Can it be fixed?"

Well, I guess that depends on what the issue is.

-That. -(audience laughs)

Unbelievable. (scoffs)

It even said that was gonna happen. Okay.

Is nothing real in here?

Wait, I mean, are you guys even my kids?

I'd love a second opinion.

(audience laughing)

Okay, if I'm not really your dad,

and-and nothing is real here, then...

I mean...

Who am I really?

That's between you and your therapist.

-(audience laughs) -No!

You know, I actually don't find any of this funny.

And you're all kind of freaking me out.

All right, I'm sorry, guys. You're gonna have to continue

with whatever this is without me.

(door rattling)

Wait, why isn't the door opening?

Charlie: I think I know what the problem is.

(audience laughs)

What? No, the door! Why isn't the door opening?

That's another thing Charlie tried to fix.

(audience laughs)

-What about superglue? -What?

For the fridge door.

-How much you got? -(audience laughs)

Enough with the laughter already!

Guys, forget the fridge door!

-(door rattling) -I-I can't get out this actual door!

Sorry, Dad. Guess you're stuck with us.

-(audience laughs) -No, no, no, no, no.

This can't be real!

(grunting)

(sighs) I can't seriously be stuck here.

-That's how family works. -(audience laughs)

What is with the laughing voices?

How's any of this (bleep) funny?

What the (bleep)?

I'm stuck here and I can't even (bleep) swear?

Harry, what is all of this commotion?

Surprise!

-(audience laughs) -What is going on here?

You tell me! I can't leave, I can't swear.

I'm losing my (bleep) mind!

Sorry, Mom.

We tried to make things special for your birthday.

Yeah. Me, too, Mrs. T.

(audience laughs)

Will: We didn't mean to make a mess, Mommy.

Daddy especially tried really hard.

-Harry: Guys, guys, guys. Come on, really. -Aw.

-Audience: Aw! -Someone help me, please.

Oh, Harry.

I gotta say,

I really thought you forgot.

I did! I did! I really, really did!

I don't remember any of this!

I can't open the God (bleep) door!

Okay, maybe we watch our language in front of the kids.

(bleep) you! You're probably not even my real wife!

-Well, we can certainly make that happen. -(audience laughs)

I said no more laughing!

-(gasps) -Charlie: Hey, pobody's nerfect!

(audience laughs)

(grunts)

(door rattling)

How come he gets to leave?

Uh, 'cause he doesn't live here?

Yeah, we can barely all fit.

-(audience laughs) -This is bull (bleep). God (bleep).

(bleep) Not even a God (bleep) window is real!

Nothing is real here! You guys,

the door, the voices, everything's just made-up!

It's all just scripted!

Wait... Wait.

(muttering): What'd I do with it?

Where is it?

Where is it?

Dad, my diorama!

Honey, what are you even looking for?

The script. Where's the script?

-I threw the script somewhere. Where is it? -I don't...

Ah! (sighs)

Daddy? What's that?

Well, apparently, this is our script.

Okay? And you guys seem to kind of stick to it.

Okay, so here's what I'm thinking.

Okay, this door has to open up sometime, right?

I mean, there's gotta be a way out of here.

(flipping pages)

Right. Right here, page 23.

"Mrs. Laroquette, our bosomy neighbor,

comes over to borrow the hair dryer."

Can we call her over now and I'll answer the door?

Oh yeah, you'd love that, wouldn't you?

-(audience laughs) -Harry: Okay, let's try something else.

Okay, it says here that I'm only 38 years old.

-Yeah. -We both know that's not true, right?

-What? -(audience laughs)

Okay, and we moved here to the motel

while our house is being repaired,

-right? Okay? -Mm-hmm.

Geez, how long does it take to fix a house?

-(sighs) Wouldn't I love to know. -(audience laughs)

(sighs) Bring-bring!

Bring-bring! Oh, I'll get it!

Hello?

Oh, hello, contractor man!

What's that you say? Our house is done?

Wha...! After all these years,

we can go home and get away from this motel room?

I'm so excited, thank you! And goodbye!

(chuckles)

Excuse me.

(audience laughs)

-Daddy, you're silly. -(Harry sighs)

Nice try, Harry.

Are you guys ever gonna take me seriously?

-Hmm? -I mean, according to this script, you never do.

This whole episode is about me forgetting your birthday,

and then messing things up and being a klutz.

-Sounds about right. -(audience laughs)

Guys, I could really use your help.

Now, okay, let's see.

All right, we did the Linda with earmuffs in the bathtub.

We did the fridge stuff, the fridge door, that didn't work.

We did that.

What? They say-- Oh.

"Harry does what he always does when he's confused.

Calls a family meeting."

-Let's do that. Call a family meeting. -Again?

-Family meeting! Come on! -But, honey,

this place is a mess. Where would we even sit?

-To the bathroom, everyone. -(sitcom music playing)

Come on, come on. Let's do this together as a team.

-Okay. -Come on, come on.

(sitcom music playing)

This reminds of the time

Dad accidentally rented a two-door car.

(audience laughs)

At least that had trunk space.

-(audience laughs) -Okay, okay, all right.

Everyone stop making jokes.

This is a very serious family meeting.

Like the time you were serious

about taking up pole vaulting?

-(audience laughs) -What? No!

That doesn't even make sense!

Remember when Dad seriously thought

-he could be a JCPenney model? -Ugh, God.

-(audience laughs) -What?

I've been trying to forget.

-(audience laughs) -Stop! Please stop!

I thought you guys could help me,

but if you wanna keep making fun of me, then go ahead.

But we're gonna be stuck here for who knows how long,

and I need to get the (bleep)--

I need to get out of here.

Why?

Because I don't belong here.

-That makes two of us. -(audience laughs)

Harry, what is really going on?

This is not me. This is not who I am.

(Harry sighs)

Who are you?

I honestly don't know who I am.

I get that.

Yeah, I think...

we all get that way sometimes.

I have no idea who I am, but I wanna find out.

And I'm positive this isn't it.

But I need to go home.

(sighs)

Linda: Harry, look.

We don't wanna hold you back.

So, if you need to leave,

then you should leave.

And we'll support you.

Yeah, Dad.

Maddie and Will: Yeah, we support you.

You guys really mean that?

Yes. Yes, come here.

Come here.

Wow. Okay.

-Thank you, guys. (sniffles) -Yeah. Okay.

Well...

I guess then this is goodbye.

(sighs) Yeah.

Yeah.

It was nice meeting you all.

Whoa!

(audience laughing)

(electronic toy blooping)

(audience laughing)

(electronic toy screeches)

(panting)

(Maddie giggles)

All: Oh, Harry!

Audience: Aw!

(audience applauding)

(theme song playing)

(audience laughing)

(audience laughter continuing)

(audience applauding, cheering)

♪ Room 104! ♪