Original subtitles

Oh, Charlie, it's so beautiful out here. It's just like the brochure said.

Don't you think it's just like the brochure said it would be, Charlie?

I don't know, Jeannie. I really haven't had a chance to look around.

But you should.

I mean, this is the perfect place for us to be spending our honeymoon, out here

with all this countryside.

No, the perfect place for us to spend our honeymoon is in a cozy room with a

Not Disturb sign on the door.

My goodness, Charlie, you're so anxious. Don't you think you're anxious?

I've been waiting a long time, Jeannie, and the wait is almost over.

much to you, Charlie.

I don't know why we had to get married. I mean, I was willing. I was willing to

be engaged for a while. I was willing to wait. I told you that, remember?

I mean, it's not like we're virgins or anything anymore.

I mean, you've been married before.

How many times did you say you've been married before, Charlie?

Six times. Now get undressed.

You don't have to be so bossy about it.

I mean, you can be nice. It doesn't hurt anybody to be nice, does it?

Please get undressed.

Well, okay.

I thought you'd never ask, actually.

I thought you'd just like me for my conversation or something. You know,

you just needed some company. How was I to know?

Believe me, it wasn't that.

Well, how was I to know? You know, you never say anything. All you had to do

say so.

I mean, that's all you had to do was just say so. How come you never say

Charlie? Because I'm quiet. All the men in my family are quiet.

Well, I guess that's okay, because I talked the whole way up here.

And, you know, I guess somebody had to do the talking. It's not like you were

talking or anything like that. Somebody had to talk.

I don't know.

Look, I think it would probably be a good idea, you know, if we didn't talk

a while. You know, it would probably be a lot more fun if we just didn't talk

and just touched each other.

What do you think?

Well... Okay, I guess we could do that. I guess maybe we could just sit here and

touch each other. I wouldn't mind.

No talking at all.

Oh.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh.

will hurt

your faith

more.

Oh, yeah.

That was wonderful.

That was the best I've ever had.

Not that I've had many lovers or anything, but you were definitely the

ever had.

Did you feel the same way about me, Charlie? I mean, you know, you've been

married a lot, and did you feel the same way about me? I thought it was great.

Did you like it?

It's so nice to get out of the city. I mean, the air is so fresh, and you can

see for miles.

Don't you wish we could just stay here forever?

Then we could really get to know each other.

There's one thing I always wondered about you, though, Charlie. How come you

never wanted to have sex until now?

I mean, that's not normal for most men, is it? I just don't believe people

should make love until they're married.

Which explains why I've been married six times.

Oh, look.

It's that other couple we saw checking in.

They must be newlyweds, too.

Hey, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, you know, somebody might see us.

So?

Yeah, so.

You know, you are the quietest girl that I've ever been around.

I do my talking like this.

Maybe we should give them their privacy.

Don't you think we should do that, sweet nugget?

If they're so concerned about their privacy, they wouldn't be carrying on

this out in the open.

We could carry on that way, too. We are married now. Aren't we, Pookie Wookie?

I'm going up the trail a bit to pick some flowers. If you follow, I might

you a little reward.

Yeah, you do that honey, I'll be along.

Hmm.

uh oh

Oh!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh,

just like that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh,

yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

fuck yeah.

Oh.

Oh, yes.

A pretty girl like you shouldn't be without a date.

You know, it's a shame you have to spend your vacation time alone.

Maybe you can solve a problem for me, Neil.

But first, I have a bigger problem concerning gas.

Oh, well, I got some bicarbonate soda up in the house. It'll take care of that.

No, silly. I mean gas. My friend ran out of gas a couple miles down the road.

Oh, hell, is that all?

I got a can here in the shed. Let's take a look.

no goals

Hey, how's it going, man? What's going on?

Hey.

Sorry. Yeah.

I'm Ed Groton. I'm just up here for the weekend with my wife.

Yeah, I know. I saw you and your wife.

I'm Charles May. I'm here on my honeymoon.

Ah, congratulations.

Yeah, well, actually, we're going to get a divorce. The marriage was a mistake.

That's too bad. You know, I guess you'll be leaving, huh?

No, actually, there is a girl here that I'm interested in.

That quick?

Yeah. Great.

Yeah. Let me check it out.

Whoa. Hey.

She's very attractive.

Well, it's not her.

No? The girl that I'm interested in is here with her husband.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah. I thought that Sybil and I were the only married couple here this

You are.

Look, there's no easy way to say this. I'm just gonna blurt it out. I think I'm

in love with Sybil and I think she's probably interested in me.

I realize it's bad timing and all. I mean, I'm here on my honeymoon, but, you

know, I plan to work it out. I mean, you know, I'm gonna end my marriage and,

hey, who knows, maybe I can introduce you to my wife.

You're crazy.

I mean, well, wait, you and Sybil would have to get divorced. I mean, I don't

think it would work out if I was, you know, seen.

Sybil, and she was still married to you. You get my point?

The only point you're going to get, I think, is what's on the end of this

right here, okay?

I was hoping you'd be more understanding about this.

No, what do you expect me to understand here, anyways?

Well, you know, I was just hoping you'd be more open -minded.

No. About what?

Well, look,

ever since I saw Claire, I was destined to be with her.

You know, I just knew it.

Well, I'll tell you what. The only destiny you're going to get is a kick in

butt if you do anything but lay eyes on my wife, all right? Hey, listen. I think

that perhaps you should let Sybil make up her own mind.

You know?

No! I don't know! You stay away from my wife!

Wow,

you look steamed.

Yeah.

I mean, it's scary. You're the guy I'm supposed to give the gas to?

Yeah, I am.

Hey, I saw you in the shed with that girl, huh?

Quite a ladies' man.

Well, I try, but I don't get much opportunity. You know, most of the

are married.

Yeah. Hey, but I think I know a married lady would be delighted to meet you.

Really? Yeah.

Yeah, she's staying in a cabin under the name Mr. and Mrs. May.

Oh, man, I don't think her husband would like that too much. Hey, look, I think

you'd be thrilled about it. As a matter of fact, you probably do him a favor.

Yeah? Yeah.

Hey, thanks a lot. Thanks a lot.

Thank you.

Come in.

Mrs. May, are you okay?

Are you all right, Mrs. May?

I'm the ex -Mrs. May. Who are you?

I'm the handyman.

Do you have anything here that needs to be fixed?

Only a broken heart.

Can you fix broken hearts? Because if you can, I could sure use some help in

that department.

My husband's acting strange lately. It doesn't seem he wants to be married

anymore.

He's been keeping me in this room, telling me I have poison oak, but

rash and there's no swelling.

I just think I should be having a lot more fun on my honeymoon, don't you?

Lady, I think you should be having a lot more fun.

You should be having a ball.

And I'm just the man to give you a couple.

Really? Well then, come on over here.

Took you so long to get back.

I almost started without you. I'm glad you were patient.

Good things come to those who wait.

I miss my husband with a broken heart.

Oh, man.

Oh, I hate you.

Oh my god.

Harder. Yeah.

Thank you.

I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

Oh.

mm -hmm

Yeah.

You're gonna do it.

Thank you.

for sybil yeah she'll be in soon to be with her husband maybe you should do

fooling around with single girls next time no no i'm too old -fashioned i

believe a girl should be married before she has sex too bad you're single i'm

not single the handyman and i got engaged i'm as good as married