Original subtitles

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What?

- Aaah... - Uuuh...

- Evie. - Ah, excuse me,

it's my favourite film.

Why?

You've not changed my mind.

That is the single most

depressing film ever made.

No.

I thought you didn't like sad endings, Noa.

It's a happy ending, okay?

It's the happiest of endings.

Yup. Love a happy ending.

Like, Dorothy's done. You do realise that, don't you?

She's ruined.

She had a taste of something, guys. And then, boom.

She... she's had a change in perspective, okay?

They realise they never lacked anything.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. If she'd had a change

of perspective, Noa,

the colour would have come back with her.

The colour's been inside of her.

It's always been inside of her.

Where is it again, Noa?

Was it inside of her, Noa?

No, guys, it's not funny. Judy, guys.

No, it's not Judy, okay? It's Dorothy.

Okay? She's happy. There's no place like home.

No, she doesn't even know what home is.

She does. It's Kansas. It's Auntie Em.

It's the guys at the farm because they're the scarecrow

and the tin man and the lion.

Yes, obviously they are, you divvy. But they're also not.

You know, like, she's gonna miss the fantasy

versions of them forever.

She's gonna miss people even when they're sat

right in front of her.

Oh, guys, she had purpose in Oz.

She was a leader. I mean, what even is life now?

- Great tunes, though. - Uh-hmm.

Yeah, and she was drugged whilst she was singing them.

- Oh, my God. - A drugged child

for our entertainment.

This film is a nightmare.

Okay, uh... game time.

Yeah, game time!

No phones in Film Club, Katie.

Right, game on, we got this.

No pressure.

So...

Oh, shit.

Subtitle Synced & corrected by Aren Zohrabi

- Babe? - Yeah.

How long have you been up?

Only a couple of hours.

Oh, this is...

Wow. Really, uh, wow.

God, no, it's not finished yet.

Is it not?

Ooh. I've got to take this.

- Hey, Noa, how's Bristol? - Okay.

So, what d'you think of Malc's new wheels?

Smart.

What is it this week?

- Wizard of Oz. - Hah.

Big yellow road right up the garden.

I said it should be garage only,

but Mum said to respect her

as an artist.

Doesn't your mum ever take a break?

Breaks aren't really her thing.

You know, like a bit of release.

Release isn't her thing either.

I reckon she could do with a night off, though.

Well, obviously the suit, Noa.

Yeah. Smart casual for lawyers, which is a suit.

Andrew Beckett and Joe Miller, suits. Atticus Finch, suit.

Uh... Erin Brockovich.

Yeah, she's the exception, not the rule.

Ah. I don't know if you're right about this one, Eves.

What else you gonna wear? Jeans and trainers?

You're not some tech guy who designed an app

and lives in the Californian desert

in a house that's powered by the sun.

- What? - You're a barrister in Bristol.

I'm the barrister of Bristol.

The barrister of Bristol and his brilliant blunder.

I cannot stand here and explain...

I can neither confirm nor deny the reports.

How did you win the case?

What, like it's hard?

Mr. Ameen! Mr. Ameen!

I'm gonna go suit, no tie.

No. Don't be so aloof.

How is that aloof?

Well, how are they gonna know you care if you don't show them?

You've gotta meet. You've gotta greet.

I can care without a tie on.

Aloof.

I care too much, Eves.

That's my problem.

Eves?

Yeah?

Is it weird that I feel...

homesick?

Wow.

Evie?

You just chose the wrong hotel, Noa.

You'll be back in your own bed tonight.

Ooh, it's gonna be so fun.

Dom, your phantom flat mate's coming.

Listen, don't start without me, okay?

- Joshy? - Oh, yeah, coming.

I've turned it on.

Oh, you'll have plenty of time.

Have you ever done a cacao ritual?

- Ca... what's that again? - Cacao chocolate.

Oh, like, just chocolate?

Shit.

Tea's getting cold, babe.

Oh. Yum. Thanks, mum.

Well, that's doing her no favours.

Ah, she needs a chunky belt.

- Do you think? - Mh-hmm.

What do you think, babe?

Yeah, chunky belt, chunky belt.

You are so right. She needs a chunky belt.

That's what my outfit for tonight's missing.

Tonight, Suz-oh?

Mamma is hitting the tiles tonight.

Ooh.

You know Steph with the lovely smile

and the dog that...

Y... you see her in the corner shop sometimes.

Oh, yeah. Mh-hmm.

Well, she just texts me,

do I fancy a girl's night out? But...

she must get lonely. She's got no kids.

- Hm. - Nothing that a chinwag

and a seccy won't sort out.

Go on, Suz-oh, paint it red.

Evie, it's Flo. I know you're, uh, housebound or whatever,

but there's another parcel here for you,

so, can you come collect it, please? It's, uh...

- Right. - ... taking up a lot of space.

I just need to chunk me outfit up.

Always chunk it up, Suz.

Iz, can you do me a favour?

Jesus, Eves, can you knock?

I've got something delivered to my flat by mistake again.

- What is it? - A self-assembly rainbow.

- Fuck's sake. - For the Wizard of Oz.

Does that mean you'll be ranting all night

about the mistreatment of Julie Garland again?

Judy. And it's tragic, Isobel.

Yeah, I know it's tragic, Eves. I just can't hear it again.

I mean, she was on the floor, run ragged. And no one noticed.

So why did you choose the film?

I need the rainbow.

Mum's belt shopping.

She's out tonight, thank God.

I can't have a repeat of Speechgate.

Surely Noa's used to her by now.

It's not just Noa coming.

The whole gang's back together.

Thought you'd want it to just be the two of you?

Why?

It's heavy.

Him leaving?

No, the rainbow.

Right. Which one should I...

Yeah, chunky belt. Chunky belt.

Fuckin' hell.

I've already made your snacks, babe. They're in the fridge.

Just got to do this one thing for Noa.

Okay. Well, I guess I can let the kitchen rule slide.

I want you to feel at home, babe.

It's not like you'll be forever but... while you are.

Hmm, this is home, Mamma.

Well, you must miss your little flat?

No, not really.

Really?

"If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again,

I won't look any further than my own back yard."

The way they treated her, Mum, I mean, she wasn't...

Let's not do that. I admire your passion, babe, but...

Yeah, ba, ba, ba, ba.

Gently.

Glad to have you joining us, Noa.

Heard great things.

Yeah? Yeah, me too. Me too.

As in, uh, thanks.

I've re... okay.

That's a squashman's arm, if ever I've seen one.

- Hey? - Well, you play don't you, mate?

Yeah.

- Nice. - Yeah, dabble.

Yeah, I knew it.

Shall we say, uh, Friday morns?

Shake off thirsty Thursday?

Sh... yeah. Sure, perfect.

Good man. I'm holding you to that, Noa.

- Nice suit, by the way. - Thanks.

Noa Ameen.

- I know. Yeah, I know. - Do you?

Do you? D'you Noa Ameen?

Yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

Uh, what's your...?

That's a squashman's arm

if ever I've seen one!

Yeah, it is. Yeah.

I mean, why the fuck is this necessary?

Ours is not to reason why, Iz.

These next few weeks are gonna be intense.

She'll want to go out with a bang.

Out with a bang?

Her weird mate's leaving.

Yeah, but anyone can watch films,

- can't they? - Nah, they started it together,

they'll end it together.

Your mum's right, that does sound a bit culty.

Oh, right, thinking. Battle plan.

Kill her with kindness.

You know, it's really starting to feel like home now, so...

- Right. - Thank you so much

for your patience, Flo.

You're an absolute legend, mate.

The landlord said it would technically just be easier

to evict her.

She's coming back.

Okay. When?

I don't know. But she will.

He let her sublet as a favour

because she...

- you know... - What?

Ha... had a... you know?

A what?

- Pooof! - Wow.

Well, you should be thankful that you found

the one landlord that cares about human life,

shouldn't you?

Oh, no, he believes in ghosts.

He just doesn't want her haunting him if she... you know?

You're a bit of a dick, aren't you, Flo?

Yeah.

Experiences of being in a cult vary, but also...

I'm not bloody watching it, Isobel.

What?

Oh, come here, baby girl.

You look gorgeous.

Yeah. But I don't have to go out if don't want to, do I?

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Mamma.

I've got a bit of a dicky tummy.

Sure you're not just a bit nervy?

Oh, I might be a bit nervy.

Yeah, big butterflies.

- Big butterflies, yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah, uh, I'd be less nervous

if I was going on a bleeding date.

Well, you are in a way. A friend date.

A friend date.

Yeah, only that's worse 'cause you can't bloody

snog them when it gets awkward.

Don't bloody end up snogging her, Mum.

Well, you lot can be whosits and whatsits and notsits.

Oh, sod it.

Oh.

Oh, hello Chrissy Turlington.

Piss off.

Chrissy Turlington.

You do.

- Hi Tia. - Hi.

Nice and quiet out here, isn't it?

Well, it was.

Sorry, uh...

Yeah, I can leave you alone...

No, it's okay.

I just can't do all the big groups and the small talk.

Do you want one?

No, I'm good, thanks. Yeah.

Actually, yeah, go on.

A lawyer with zero conviction, that's... interesting.

Yeah, I know, it's a...

it's a problem.

I was dreading it to begin with, but...

now that I'm here, I think... it's all gonna be okay.

Really?

My boss told me about some case in Bolton?

Your "forensic analysis".

Oh, yeah, yeah. I feel like Elle Woods.

Who?

She's...

Er, look, I really should be getting the next train.

What? Already?

Yeah, why, is that aloof?

Yeah, it is a little bit aloof.

But... I rate it.

Yeah. Well, it's, it's sort of a...

an obligation. So...

Formal.

Yeah.

Well, it's nice to...

Shit.

Right, you two, behave yourselves.

Wow. Drop dead, Suz.

Now, did you go for the chunky belt?

Does a badger shit in the woods?

Are you sure it's a fancy thing, Mum?

Well, this isn't fancy, babe.

I think she likes gardening.

You could talk to her about that.

I know how to make a conversation, Isobel.

Yeah. The face of Chrissy Turlington,

the chat of Terry Wogan, this one.

Terry Wogan.

Don't forget your snacks.

Eeh.

Ooh.

Do bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

Oh, uh...

Uh, it's a...

It's all quite hearty, isn't it? Rustic.

Yeah. I mean, we can... we can go somewhere else if you like?

No! God, no. No. I love it.

Um, I'll have your driest, driest prosecco.

A sweet prosecco knocks me sick, does it you, Steph?

Oh, well, I'll just have whatever you're having, Suz.

We'll have a bottle and two thin glasses.

Do you have... thin glasses?

I think so.

I mean... I know it's not that fancy, yeah, but, uh...

bit of a laugh?

God. I'm a karaoke fiend.

He needs to sort that.

I... it's quite hot.

Not really my type but each to their own.

No. No, God, I meant...

No, I know what you meant.

I mean, to be fair, I haven't seen

anyone's bum but my own for quite a while,

so, maybe I am getting a bit flustered.

Well, I'm sure every fella round town

would show you their bum, Suz.

Steph!

Oh, no, no, no, I... I can't talk right now. You know, I can't.

I'll call you back later, alright?

Thank you, love you, bye.

Oh, Evie, this is so cute.

Kam, you look amazing.

I can't believe I'm here before Noa.

Also, Samantha's gonna know

there's hardly any alcohol in this.

Yeah, well, we can't have her going all

Elizabeth Taylor again.

Why not? She devours.

Of course she devours, Kam,

but it's not healthy.

Oh, darling, you've gone.

Sammy!

Oh, look at you.

Is it scurvy?

This fucking house.

The gooch of Greater Manchester.

I can't believe Noa takes this trek every Friday.

Hi. How did you get here?

Train, tram, bus. Fucking endless.

Oh, well, in the future, Kam can give you a lift.

Oh, can I?

The future, darling?

There isn't one. Noa's fucking off.

Packing his knapsack and heading West.

Is it West?

I think the main thing is

that it's far.

Well, if Film Club's over,

why have we got a new member coming?

Well, this is terrific.

Phantom flatmate.

Dominic, you look amazing.

Thank you so much for making the effort.

And thank you for your, uh, quite comprehensive email

- on the rules. - You printed it?

Well, the rules make it fun, so you'll be familiar.

No phones in Film Club.

I'm so sorry, I... I am a doctor,

I do kind of need my phone.

Okay. Kam.

Eves, I don't think I can either.

- Nephews. - The nephews, the nephews.

Yeah. Sammy?

No can do, darling.

- Why? - Because I don't want to.

Come on, guys.

We're glued to them. It's an epidemic.

I'm offering you the chance to escape here.

Why don't you take it?

No.

- Ugh, fine. Game time! - Ooh.

And where the fuck is the boy?

Yeah, he's never usually late.

Yep. I'll...

The snow used in the film was actually asbestos.

True or false?

Evie, it's me. Um, the trains are cancelled.

There's some incident on the line.

Fuck.

Okay.

The last time anything was this late,

it was my period, and I had to have an abortion.

He'll be here.

Dominic...

have we necked?

I don't... I don't believe so.

I'm pretty sure we've necked.

Samantha, we've literally never met.

So, why do I feel like we've necked?

Maybe you've necked in a past life?

Can everyone stop saying neck?

Remember when we all used to neck?

Those were the days.

Evie, did... did... did you and Noa

ever, um...

- neck? - God, no.

Incest.

Ooh, here he is!

Finally.

Hello, everyone.

Do you... do you mind if I join in?

It seems like you're a man down.

I don't remember a horse in this.

Alright, Cyberman.

Okay, yeah, um...

Sorry, has... has anyone got a... a phone charger?

- Plug it into your chest. - Yeah.

Okay. Uh..."Let's keep going".

Thelma and Louise. Oh.

Phone charger? No one's got a phone charger?

Uh..."Baby fish mouth, baby fish mouth".

When Harry Met Sally.

It's in.

- Phone charger? - No.

Okay.

"Get your lesbian feet out of my shoes".

Bend It Like Beckham.

Yes! What the fuck, Dominic.

I mean, I surprised myself there.

Wow, great work. Fifteen!

- Wow. - Any news on Noa?

Okay. Baby...

we are very far behind now, but come on.

- Yup, got it this time, pooch. - Yup.

I've got it.

Jokey?

Go.

"This is important to me".

Broadcast News!

Ugh. Wrong team, Samantha.

Oh, whatever.

Great. "Run... mmm-mm, run".

Yeah. Yeah, go on, keep going.

"Run... mmm-mm, run".

Run. Erm... mmm-mm, um...

run... run, run rabbit, run.

No? Uh, chicken run? Chicken run.

- Tom Hanks. - Tom Hanks?

Er... Top Gun. Top Gun.

Tom Hanks!

Tom... oh, fuck yeah, Tom Hanks.

Tom Hanks, Tom Hanks. Oh, fuckin' hell, Tom Hanks!

No way in hell.

Okay. Oh, right. Okay. Film about a big shark.

Shark Night!

No? Shark, shark... Oh, Shark Boy and Lava Girl?

No? Shark Night 3D?

What are you... whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?

- What's this? - Are you okay?

- What's that? - Your... what...

Your face. Your face... face. Face...

Face Off! Face Off!!

Are you doing this on purpose?

Unbelievably famous film about a shark?

Ooh, time's up!

Oh, well. Just a game, innit?

How about a sweet treat?

Does anyone want... some heart cake?

Who doesn't love a red velly? Hm?

Oh, yeah, look at that.

There we go.

I'm just relieved to say it.

I don't bloody like them.

And I can't stand the... the dog breath.

Does that make me some kind of evil witch?

You do get used to it, Suz.

No. Count me out.

You see, I never wanted kids.

Animals only.

Oh, and you see, I do find that weird.

Yeah, I'm just too selfish.

But, you know, I accept that.

No, don't do yourself down, babe.

I'm sure you don't jump for joy

at the idea of picking up Malcolm's shite.

But you do it 'cause you love him.

That is true.

I mean, you had your kids early, didn't you?

I mean, I just... you know, I hated the idea

of my life not being me own.

No, it's the opposite.

Oh, they give you life, Steph.

They are life.

You see...

I am the evil witch.

Hey, I bet your Izzie was always asking for a pet.

- My Izzie? - Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, she's got a natural talent there.

Oh, I didn't know you two...

Yeah, well, I see her out with the dogs.

Oh, right, well.

Oh, well, she had lots of love and adoration

from me to make up for it.

- Yeah. Of course, she did. - Plenty, plenty.

Uh-hmm.

Hmm. Hmm.

Thick.

Oh, you've got a nice smile,

I like you, Steph?

Aw. Well, that's kind.

You know, come to think of it,

she did have an hamster at one point,

but her dad...

Well, there was a disaster,

so I didn't like to see her like that.

Oh, did he forget to lock the hutch?

I don't want to talk about it, actually.

Yeah, no, of course.

I heard him and his mates

downstairs at four o'clock in morning.

And I knew, I thought,

they open that bleeding cage

and do something daft.

But, you know, you couldn't approach him

when he was in a certain...

frame of mind.

But Izzie never knew.

You know, Evie made up a story, you know, to protect her.

Um, wrote to her as a hamster for years.

Like, "Dear Izzie, I miss you lots

but the cabbages here are lovely."

- Aww. - Oh, bless her cottons.

Oh, you three ladies have really stuck together, haven't you,

through the tough times?

Oh, bless your gorgeous girlies.

So, how are your plants then, Steph?

Oh. Um... it's actually been quite a tricky...

Sorry, how do you know about all of that?

All of what?

The tough times.

Well, your Izzie, she comes past mine, doesn't she?

- Oh, I didn't know that you... - Walks Malc and, you know,

we have the occasional chat, so...

- That you would... - Yeah, but...

she said you didn't have it easy, did you?

Well, no. But I wasn't throwing the father of my children

out the door singing, "Celebrate good times, come on".

- No, of course not. - It's just when you find out

you're living with an animal.

Anyway... enough of that.

So...

what song are you gonna sing us tonight, then, mate?

It really is sweltering in here.

I mean, you're a bit of a Barbra Streisand, aren't you?

Oh, you really know a lot about me, don't you, Steph?

Well, no, it's just that...

Yeah, Isobel, Malcolm, yep, yep, yep.

Hmm.

It's a shame this was the only table.

I feel like I'm in a bleeding fishbowl.

- You alright, Suz? - Yeah.

You know, actually, that's fucking awful.

Hmm. Oh, shit.

Bloody hell, Suz, you alright?

Oh, bloody hell. Jesus, fuckin'...yeah, I'm fine, I'm...

Yeah, I'm just gonna... yeah. Fine.

- Phew. - Phew.

- How was it, mate? - Shh.

Silly boy.

My apologies.

Asking me all these personal questions.

I mean, what does she want from me, blood and guts?

I'm sorry, Suz-oh.

Fucking invasive is what she is.

Well, I think our kid just wanted to give you

like a simple, nice time, you know?

You what?

Our Isobel set this up?

Erm... well, yeah,

I think that she just thought that like you'd get on.

I'm not Care in the Community.

Well... no, I don't think...

What the fuck are you wearing, Josh?

Don't ask. Don't ask.

Guys, we're keeping this... ooh!

Woo-hoo-hoo!

We're getting you home, babe, is what we're doing.

What?

Was this always yellow, this path?

Yes, my love, it was always yellow.

Let's get you home.

Good night?

Really good.

You?

Yeah, really good.

Oh.

I wish I could have you have back as babies sometimes.

Just for one day.

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