All language subtitles for hope.and.faith.s03e01.s03e02.hdtv.xvid-tcm

I love you with all my heart.

Will you marry me?

Faith?

Faith?

What are you going to do?

The only thing I can do.

And now, before these two are united in
holy matrimony, if anyone here objects

to this union, speak now or forever hold
your peace.

I do.

I object because I'm the one you want to
be marrying.

I'm the real Ashley Storm.

And that is my evil twin, Angela, who
drugged me and buried me alive when I

threatened to reveal the location of the
secret microfilm.

But what she didn't know is that my
training in the Israeli army taught me

hold my breath for over a half an hour.

while digging my way out with my own
pants zipper.

No.

She's lying.

She's my evil twin.

I'm the one who was in the Israeli army.

Shalom.

Would you stop torturing yourself and
turn that off?

It's never tortured to see myself
looking so beautiful.

But this could be the only wedding I
ever have.

Okay, look, I know you're hurting right
now, but turning down Larry and the

Gooch was the absolute right thing to
do.

Are you sure?

Yeah. But holding on to Larry's ring was
the absolute wrong thing to do.

Come on.

It was his grandmother's. Not like she's
going to be needing it again.

Give me the ring.

I believe I have a year to give it back.

That's her wedding present.

Fine.

Stinks of death anyway.

I can't believe she turned you down. I
know.

I'm so hot.

I don't know what to say, Gooch.

Faith is a cold -hearted witch who
should be burned at the stake.

That's a little harsh. I said I didn't
know what to say.

I was so close to having her out of my
house.

One minute earlier, she would have been
on that plane to Japan with you. Damn

heightened security measures.

Hey, I'm the one who got dumped.

So what?

You're just going to give up on her?
You're going to walk back to the dugout

after the first strike?

No. No!

You are going to step back up to the
plate and you're going to swing for the

fences.

You've got to get that chick out of my
attic.

Look, I mean, I love Faith. I really do.
But she made her choice. That's it. I

understand.

Hey.

What if I upped the ante? I could dip in
my 401K.

I got a plane to catch.

Oh.

I meant to give you this.

I was going to send it to you when I got
to Japan, but they don't make envelopes

shaped like shirts.

Hiroshima Carps jersey?

Where are the pants?

Oh. Hey, and you signed it.

Gooch, I mean, I just, I wish I had
something to give you.

Hey, you like these shoes?

Just pay for the drinks.

See ya.

See ya.

Oh, damn.

My wallet's in my car.

You like these shoes?

And these are the china patterns that I
would have picked.

A hundred bucks for a play? And it
doesn't even have a cartoon character on

What a rip.

The whole wedding gift thing is so
wasteful.

Instead of gifts, why wouldn't you ask
people to make a donation to charity?

Yeah, I'm really not a poor people
person.

Hey, nobody knows you didn't get
engaged.

So why not just register and take the
loot anyway?

Sweetie, you are going to make someone a
great ex -wife someday.

Don't worry.

That doesn't mean you have to give up
your dream of being a stripper.

Well, I gave Larry your ring back.

Did he say anything about me?

Nothing I can say in front of the kids.

At least I'm in his thoughts.

He wanted you to have some clothes he
left at his place.

Oh, good, my favorite skirt.

What? Nothing. I'm just so proud of you.

You made a mature, rational decision.

Well, right back at you. I'm proud of
me, too.

In fact...

I'm thinking about writing an
inspirational book for other women who

themselves proposed to by two semi
-celebrities at the airport gate at the

time.

Yeah, who can't relate to that?

Just out of curiosity, if you had to
pick, which one would have been your

out of this ghetto?

The Gooch.

How come?

Because everyone knows that Latin men
make the best... tacos.

The Gooch and me, we just had a spark.

Well, it's a good thing you didn't wind
up with him then. Because spark are what

start fire.

You avoided a huge disaster by not going
to Japan with Gooch.

I don't know if I would go in a huge
disaster.

Please, you alone in a foreign country
with a guy you barely know?

I would have given a week tops.

A week?

Sweetheart, come on. You can't handle
marriage right now.

And bless you for knowing yourself so
well. Okay, first of all, I didn't

And what do you mean I can't handle
marriage?

Oh, I meant it as a compliment.

For once in your life, you're grown up
enough to know you're not grown up

to be married.

Somebody's little sister is starting to
act like an adult.

Somebody's big sister is starting to
sound like somebody's dead mother.

You know what I mean. You're not the
same silly little Faith Fairfield who

almost ran off to Japan with her
soulmate because her psychic told her

You're different.

Reminds me a little bit of, dare I say,
somebody's older sister.

And dare I say one more thing?

What? Stop now.

Just three little words.

Good for you.

Children.

Come duct tape and a shovel.

Turn that frown upside down.

There will be other men.

Not another man dumb enough to take her
halfway across the world.

You know, I met a bartender who's
perfect for her. I need to get in touch

him anyway. He's got my shoes.

The last thing Faith needs is to rush
into another relationship right now, and

she knows that.

I think Faith's changing.

For the better.

Was there any other direction for her to
go?

Honey, give her a little credit.

I'm just glad she didn't get married on
a whim.

Guess what?

We eloped!

What? I can't believe you just up and
eloped like that.

It's called spontaneity, Hope.

By the way, if you're looking for your
car, it's at the airport, Lot C.

Oh, oh, check out the wedding photos.

This big machine takes them for a
dollar.

So now I am officially Mrs. Faith Gooch.

Gooch.

What is it again?

Goochars.

Oh, well, I'm keeping my maiden name.

Apparently, when are you leaving?

Well, we're going to honeymoon here for
a couple of days, and then we're off to

Japan. We'll send you a postcard from
the Great Wall.

Either way, enjoy that magical faraway
continent.

Wait, wait, wait.

Can we back up for a second?

What happened?

I thought you were getting on a plane.

No, I was about to, but a very romantic
somebody had me put on the no -fly lift.

We got married in the airport chapel.

A storybook.

Actually, Hope, it was.

My maid of honor, Olga, is a flight
attendant for Lufthansa.

She threw me a wicked bachelorette party
in the frequent flyers lounge.

That Olga had some rack.

Sorry, babe.

I'm just getting used to, you know,
being married.

That lady had lovely boobs.

Apparently, your Aunt Faith got it into
her head that she would just go off and

get married.

As if she was buying eggs.

Or a loaf of bread.

Cool, my uncle's a professional baseball
player.

Can you come to career day?

What? He said it was canceled.

Gotta go.

Aunt Faith, I can't believe you got
married and none of us got to be there.

Oh, we're going to recreate it right
here.

I've got enough rice for everybody.

Well, you always dream of a day like
this.

When it finally comes, tears are always
a surprise.

Here comes the bride, all dressed in
semi -formal jeans and a striped

top.

Hey, you didn't toss any rice.

Well, I wouldn't want to be impulsive
and just throw it at you.

Might get in your eye.

See, Faith, I like to think things
through.

It's about not being a bridesmaid. Olga
warned me you might be bitter.

Can I have a word with you? Not until
you throw rice at me.

Kitchen. Now.

You know, Japanese fishermen have been
slaughtering whales for years. With your

influence, we could prevent their
imminent extinction.

Don't worry.

Chances are your kids won't be this
smart.

I mean, even for you, this doesn't make
sense.

Okay, can we speed this along because
the reception starts in ten minutes?

Hope you're ready to make your toast.

Okay. Here's my toast.

What the hell is wrong with you?

I feel like you're just phoning it in.

Why are you trying to ruin my big day?
You can't be serious. This whole thing

a joke.

I see. So now you're stealing my toast
from your wedding.

I don't get it. I thought you were doing
the right thing. I thought for once...

You are going to be mature.

Well, I'm not. And I never will be,
so... Okay.

Just tell me this.

What changed between this morning and
you using the Homeland Security Act to

Gooch off the plane?

I had time to reflect.

And I realized that I am ready to be
Mrs... Whatever his last name is.

You see? You don't know anything about
the Gooch. I know that I love him. And

the rest of that...

will come later.

That stuff is important.

I mean, marriage is about friendship and
trust and compatibility.

Charlie and I dated for two years before
we got engaged.

We knew each other. Hey, at the risk of
repeating myself...

Fine. I just want to go on record

as saying that when this tasty little
marriage falls apart, I will not be

to... Pick up the pieces.

Well, I just want to go on the record as
saying that you're not the only one

that knows how to be married.

This marriage will work.

You know something?

Ola was a lot more supportive than you,
and I couldn't understand a word she was

saying.

I'm going to go hit a buck and a ball.

She's absolutely not ready to be
married.

So close.

And the way she did it, eloping, what is
up with that?

Right there with you.

I just don't get it, Charlie.

I heaped praise on her for being mature,
and not two seconds later, she does the

most immature thing she possibly...
Well, it seems like you got a good grip

it. I'll be on myself.

She is still a child.

Honey, you need to settle down or fill
the sink with milk.

I don't want to settle down.

You know what?

All you care about is that she's married
off and you're rid of her.

Oh.

Did you ever think she might be back in
a month when all things fall apart and

we'll be expected to pick up the pizzas?

Yeah, we're good for the month, right?

She rushed into it, and it's not going
to work.

It's the Nixon tattoo all over again.

I think you're angry because Faith
didn't do what you thought she should

Did it ever occur to you that it might
work out with her and the gooch?

You know what, honey?

Let me just cut through all the marital
knife talk.

You're an idiot.

Yeah, well... Your cookie dough is way
too gluey.

much worse than what I just said to you.

Just think about it. They're both
superficial, immature, washed -up

If they could love each other half as
much as they love themselves, who knows?

We could be dancing at their 50th.

Provided I haven't moved on to my trophy
wife.

Yes.

But look, you may not believe this, but
the Gooch really does love her.

You don't know that. Yes, I do. He told
me. He tells me a lot of important

things.

You know, his father never held him as a
child.

Is that true? Very cold, sterile man.
Worked for the railroad, I think. No!

About the gooch loving her.

He really does.

And you've seen how she is when she's
with him.

You're right.

She does seem happy when she's around
him.

And she's been a lot nicer to the
neighborhood cats lately.

It seems like you've got two choices.

You can either accept this marriage or
you can risk losing your sister forever.

Now, I would lean to the second option,
but I know how miserable you'd be.

I would be miserable.

Then just go talk to her.

You're right.

I will. Thanks.

Mmm, good.

Well, those balls aren't going to hit
themselves.

Oh, by the way, do you have any idea
what your daughter did this morning?

don't even care which one. Bye.

You smell that?

Hope's baking.

She must be really upset.

I don't get it. I thought she'd be
really happy for you.

Did you see the look on her face when
she saw my veil? It was like I smacked

with a bag of nickels.

So you're happy that your sister's not
happy?

Oh, the cute ones are always so slow.

She told me I was right to turn down
your proposal. She actually said I was

rushing into it. Can you believe that?

Well, maybe she's just looking out for
you. No!

She said we never would have worked, but
see?

It's our 17th hour anniversary, and
we're doing great.

Who's right?

Let's make love really loudly so she can
hear how happy we are. Okay, okay, but

we are happy, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do it over by
the door.

Wait a minute. Why does it matter if she
hears us?

So she knows that I'm right and she's
wrong.

And that's important. Why?

Spoken like an only child.

I have four brothers and three sisters.

Really?

Well, we'll all have to get to know each
other someday.

Let's show Hope how much we love each
other.

Drop the undies.

Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait.

Did you only marry me to prove some
point to your sister?

No.

I also wanted to rub her nose in it.

The fact that I actually love you just
sweetens the pot.

Wow.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop
getting dressed.

You're going the wrong way. We're
supposed to be headed towards

I don't believe this.

What are you doing? I'm packing.

Honey, you don't need luggage in
Nakedville. You should know that. We

there.

It's over, Faith.

I'm going to Japan.

Alone. Oh, no, you don't. We are a
happily married couple.

And you will stay here and prove to my
sister that we can't make this stupid

marriage work.

I don't care what Tom Cruise says.

You need to be medicated.

Look who dropped by unannounced, raising
all sorts of privacy issues.

Can I come in?

Uh, I prefer you didn't.

Gooch is having a siesta, as his people
do.

Well, since you had such a quick
wedding, I made you a cake.

It's a little crooked.

I threw it up against the wall at one
point.

Same thing with me and the Gooch.

I had no right to question whether your
marriage would work out or not.

Apology accepted.

See ya. For all I know, you guys will
outlast Charlie and me.

Are we done here?

Because Gooch could be waking up for a
second round.

Because we're totally nuts about each
other.

Just one more thing.

I know this is going to sound crazy, but
I was upset.

I felt like you kind of ran off and got
married just to spite me.

That does sound crazy.

Now, get out of here, you kook.

And I just want to say that I think you
and Gooch make a great couple.

And I'm sure you'll have a long and
happy marriage.

Hey, Hope.

I'm out of here.

Okay.

Where's he going?

to the gym. Bye, Sweetums. You're crazy!

Crazy about you, you big steaming pile
of machismo!

All right, Justin, as requested, one
pancake shaped like Mickey Mouse.

And Haley, as requested, one pancake
shaped like a saltwater mullet.

For future reference, only the fresh
water wings have antennae. For future

reference, next time it's waffle.

What is mine supposed to be shaped like?

Like a breakfast you didn't have to make
for yourself.

Oh, yeah. Now I recognize it.

Gooch, I know you'll miss me, but I'll
be back in a minute. Just stared my

publicity shot from Circus of the Stars.

Sounds like somebody likes married life.

Oh, likes married life doesn't even
begin to describe how much I likes

life.

Isn't the Gooch going to come down and
have breakfast with us one of these

mornings? Is he avoiding us because of
the way I reacted when you first got

married?

Uh, yeah.

I didn't want to say anything because I
didn't want to hurt your feelings, but

he hates your guts.

What about me?

He likes you fine. Yes!

God, I feel awful.

What can I do to make it up to him?

Well, he is a breast man.

Perhaps you could pay for my implants?

I saw that you registered for those.

But no.

There must be something biological that
happens to a woman after she says, I do.

I mean, who knew that I love to cook?

This is crazy.

Why don't I make a nice dinner, you guys
come down, and we can all eat together

as a family.

Well, I'm willing to, but I don't think
the Gooch will.

He said, and I quote, she can go spit to
the mountains.

It loses some of its ferocity in
translation.

That's it.

I'm going to go upstairs and talk. No,
no, no, you can't.

You'll offend his fiery Latin
temperament.

He'll pick up a bat and split your head
open like it's a piñata.

And when no candy comes out, he'll be
even madder.

I saw him go off on a mascot once.

Feathers everywhere.

Look, I'll talk to him.

I know how to do that because I'm his
wife.

And we're happily married.

So, Mrs.

Gutierrez. When did Japan get to welcome
the happily married? Oh, soon, soon.

Fascinating country, really.

The kimonos, the wasabi.

The way everyone fights in slow motion.

Door, please.

Look out, Gooch. Here comes your little
geisha.

Poor Japan.

First the bomb, now faith.

Yeah, no, thanks for calling back. I
have a question about our biology

What's our teacher's name again?

You know what? Let me call you right
back.

Okay, bye.

What are you doing?

Oh, the Gucci's making me eat an extra
plate. He doesn't think I have enough

junk in the trunk.

I know I've only been lying full -time
for like four years now, but come on.

All right, Sid, if I tell you something,
do you promise not to tell your parents

that Gooch left me three days ago?

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Why?

The details are fuzzy.

Look, the important thing is that I
don't want your mother finding out that

marriage didn't last.

But your marriage didn't last. Hey,
let's talk after you've been married a

couple of days.

Relationships are hard.

Now help me eat.

Hey, but why?

Because your mother has this annoying
habit of going through the trash. Heaven

forbid I forget to recycle a can or
throw away a lit cigarette.

In fact, my parents are dumb, but I
mean, they're not that dumb.

Eventually, even they figured out that
no one gives cello lessons at 11 o

on Saturday nights.

And don't worry, I'm going to find the
gooch. I've been searching Japanese

books online.

So far, nobody there knows where he is,
but I'm only halfway through the A's.

He's not in Japan.

Oh, Mr. Akinaba was telling the truth.

Yeah, I saw him, like, yesterday.

He's still in town?

I don't believe it. He couldn't leave
me. Where did you see him? At the

cages at school.

Oh, my God, Sidney, you were at school
yesterday?

Sort of.

I was under the bleachers.

At least you were on school property.

Good for you.

Please, Coach.

Hear me out.

No. I just ordered much -loved dogs on
pay -per -view. It's coming on any

minute.

I called every hotel in town until I
found a Mr. Seymour Booty registered.

I knew it was you.

Seymour Booty?

That cracks me up. Yeah, me too.

See, we're perfect together.

And yes, I got sucked into Hope's drama.
But I mostly married you because I love

you. And you love me.

I mean, why else haven't you gone back
to Japan?

Are you kidding?

They're going to charge me 50 bucks to
change my ticket.

Really?

What's this room costing you? 75 a
night.

Damn it.

Look, can I come in?

I feel like a hooker trying to seal the
deal.

Look, Gooch.

For three days I've been acting like you
haven't left.

I've even pretended to have sex with
you.

But it's not as much fun as when you're
actually there.

Except this one time, but I'll show you
how to do that.

Why don't you just diagram it and I'll
check it out later. Already have.

I don't think I've been that way.

Come on, baby.

We belong.

together i mean why else did you ask me
to marry you

that's

why i asked you to marry me and that's
why i said yes plus

i wasn't about to be outdone by that guy
larry i mean come on he's a third -rate

newscaster

Excuse me? Okay, second rate. I'm
feeling the warmth of your body. It's

me feel generous. Oh, wait a minute.

Are you saying you only proposed to me
because Larry did?

No, baby.

I... I love you.

And marriage, it's... It was part of my
long -term plan. I mean, it was right up

there with monogamy.

And kicking steroids.

But sometimes you get drawn in, you
know, to the bidding war.

Oh, how is that worse than you marrying
me to prove some point to your sister?

That was three days ago. Are you still
on that?

I don't think we should be married at
all. No, no, no, no, no, no. Come on,

on, come on. Let's just, let's just, uh,
let's just get going on a diagram,

right?

Forget it.

I still have my dignity.

The Gooch is so famous.

Eh, Glen Falls is a hard luck town.

Other than the Gooch, we've had one lady
bowler with the ironic name of Janet

Dykstra.

Uh, look, my son and I wanted to get
this framed.

Hey,

the Gooch is here to see McCarthy.

Hey, you sure you don't want to sell
this? No, no way. That baby's going up

the fireplace.

I'll give you 300 bucks.

You know, I could always get another
one.

The Gooch is my brother -in -law.

And, uh... My best friend.

I thought Mom was your best friend.

Your mom didn't hit 34 home runs last
year, did she?

All right, Frank.

200 signed cards for the charity.

God bless those kids.

So, just give me my cut in cash. That'd
be great.

Hey! Justin!

Charlie! How's it going?

Oh!

You know...

Pretty good.

Just buying this jersey off your buddy
here.

You selling the jersey I gave you?

No, I was... No, no, no, hey, hey, it's
okay.

I just see you in a different light now,
that's all.

No. Yeah, forget it. Just throw that in
the charity pile. God bless those kids.

See? Back to the old light.

So, when are you and Faith taking off?

Taking off?

She didn't tell you? We had a fight. I
left her four days ago.

She's been bringing food up to you and
having conversations with you. You two

have been kind of loud with your
honeymoon activities.

What did Aunt Faith want you to give to
her anyway?

Hey, Frank, a baseball card for the kid,
huh?

I can't believe it's over.

Well, it's true.

Can't you take her to Japan anyway?

She's a blonde.

That ought to fetch a pretty penny on
the black market.

Are you serious?

He's gone?

Yep. Broke up the day after they got
married.

But what about all that food and that
noise they've been making?

Apparently, she's a better actress than
we thought.

But that's crazy.

Exactly.

Certifiably crazy.

But there is a silver lining. I checked
out the website for the Glynn Pauls

Behavioral Institute.

And they do have a bed opening up.

Charlie. At least look at the brochure.
If you ignore the straps on the beds, it

just looks like a nice hotel.

I can't believe she's just been lying to
me.

Do you know how bad I felt for not
supporting that ridiculous marriage?

I almost put a pair of boobs on layaway.

Well, it's a good thing you didn't,
because he dumped her.

What? You said they broke up.

You never said he dumped her. Dump
broke, what's the difference? She's

here. Which brings us back to the Glen
Falls Behavioral Institute.

A warm, professional community.

Charlie, there is a huge difference
between breaking up and getting dumped.

He walked out on her and she's been
dealing with it all by herself.

Poor Faith.

Wait a minute. No. What happened to all
that anger? Remember the boobs I lay

away? You were duped.

Duped.

Charlie, she's my sister.

Duped.

Her heart is broken.

Duped.

I'm going to go talk to her.

I can't believe she's been putting
herself through this because of her

Can we at least consider some restraints
on our bed here?

How much longer? My arms are killing me.

Keep going. And faster. The tempo is too
Jurassic Park.

Right, but you know, you're eventually
going to have to tell my parents the

truth. I'll tell them when I come up
with the right story. I don't want to

ridiculous.

Gooch, you're really awesome.

All right, that's it. You're done.

Faith, it's me.

Oh, rude.

She's got a lot of nerve showing up when
I'm trying to be intimate with my

husband. Quick.

Pretend you're the Gooch. Under the
covers.

Faith.

Oh, hey, Hope.

Listen, now's not a really great time. I
mean, for you. For me, it is a really

great time.

I need to talk to you.

Okay, but make it fast.

My husband's sleeping. If he reaches
over and I'm not there, my pillow's in

trouble.

Isn't there something you need to tell
me?

Yes.

But I could tell you better with
tweezers.

Now, if you'll excuse me, my husband and
I need to bathe each other. May I

borrow a loofah?

Okay. Enough with the... Ow!

I mean...

Oh, my God, this is not my room.

Was I sleepwalking again?

Okay, get out. Get out.

I'll talk to you later.

Dios mio.

I knew I should have used Haley.

Faith, why didn't you tell me the gooch
left?

Because you said I couldn't handle
marriage, and I wanted to prove to you

could. So go ahead and gloat. You were
right.

I don't want to be right.

I want you to be happy. Well, I'm not.

I know you look at me and you think I
have it all.

But there's this really weird part of me
that just wants what you have.

Really?

Yeah.

You have a great relationship.

Someone who loves you unconditionally.

I guess I just wanted a Charlie.

You want a Charlie?

Well, not Charlie. I mean, I'm not going
to fly coach.

For a second there, you nudged up
against nice.

Yeah, I know that happens when I get
tired.

I really thought that Gooch and me could
make it work, but... Turns out he only

proposed to me because Larry did.

Are you kidding, really?

Yeah.

It was just some dumb competition.

And not the classy kind, like with
bikinis and a musical number.

Point is, I'm just not cut out for
marriage, like you said.

Of course you are.

You're going to make someone a wonderful
wife someday.

Just not now.

I'm running out of time.

I mean, sure, I can still pass for a
hard -living 18 -year -old. But that's

going to last forever.

Faith, I promise you'll find your
Charlie.

All right, say his name one more time.
I'm going gay.

Well, I'm just glad you're sticking
around.

I would have missed you.

In the meantime, you have to get your
marriage annulled.

Great.

I'm single again.

Now I'm really going to need those
boobs.

Okay. Standard marriage annulment.

This shouldn't take long.

Thanks for postponing your flight so we
could take care of this gooch. No

problem. Thanks for coughing up the 50
bucks for the ticket change.

Hey, do you think they'll upgrade me if
I tell them a relative died?

So, on what grounds are we basing this
annulment?

Grounds? Oh, we don't have any property.

Faith, wake up.

He's not talking about property.

We'd like to do it right here, on your
grounds.

It's not an act.

This is really them.

wants to know why you shouldn't be
together. I need a compelling reason or

can't dissolve your marriage.

Put down abandonment.

He left me alone night after night after
night after night after night. Yeah,

five nights. I had to pretend to have
sex with him.

No one asked you to. No one asked me not
to.

If someone asked you not to jump off the
Empire State Building, does that mean

you won't do it? I might.

Fine, don't jump. He threatened...

I think we'll just go with diminished
mental capacity.

All right, so if you two witnesses will
please initial here, I just have to ask,

what possessed the two of you to get
married in the first place? And you two,

you seem like reasonable people.

Why would you let them?

Well, it's kind of a long story, but
basically, it's her fault.

Oh, look, you weren't trying to ship her
off to Japan.

Me? None of this would have started if
you hadn't let her in the house.

Oh, Charlie, it'll just be a couple
months.

What? I only have time for one annulment
today, so there, please.

If you two will initial at the actors.

I guess we were pretty naive.

I mean, just because we're incredibly
hot doesn't mean we should be married.

Yeah.

You still think I'm incredibly hot?

Faith, I never stopped thinking you're
incredibly hot.

I never stopped thinking you're
incredibly hot either.

Okay, good.

Everybody thinks everybody's incredibly
hot.

Keep stunning.

You know, Gooch, no matter what happens,
I'll always want you.

Unless you go bald.

Same goes for me.

Unless you get fat.

Or get pink eye.

Okay. Sign, sign, sign. You know what's
funny?

Now that you're no longer my husband, I
remember what I saw in you in the first

place. I know. Now that you're not my
wife, I've never wanted you more.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Kissing is not signing.

Here.

Here you go.

Come here. Here you go.

Charlie, a little help here?

Question.

Committing a person against their will,
where's the legal line there?

I'm really nervous about Aunt Faith's
breakup.

It's going to be a real tough one. I
don't know if I can handle all the weed

yet, Derek.

It's okay, honey. She'll pull through.

I was talking about Dad.

Honey?

Are you all right?

Fine.

I accept she's never leaving.

But we could move.

What about Santa Fe? It's hot, but it's
a dry heat, and you know how you love

turquoise.

Honey, you know she'll find us.

Well, we said our goodbyes. Three times.

Four for me.

Really?

Nice. Hey, thanks for everything.

Oh, it was nothing.

Yeah, I know. I'm just trying to be
polite.

Hey, babe, next time I'm in town, give
me my first drunken booty call, okay?

Oh, that's sweet.

You know, this is the kind of failed
marriage I always dreamed of when I was

little girl. Yeah? Yeah.

Bye -bye.

Bye. Bye.

Bye -bye.

Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

I never thought he'd leave.

Look out, Limbaugh!

Faith Barefield, Ceylon, Gutierrez
Barefield. Back on the market.

Ah, good for you.

And since you're back on the market, I
think I found a great singles resort for

you.

Hey, I've been here before.

This place is a psycho ward.

See if you can get me the lakeside
suite.

Okay.