Original subtitles

.

[upbeat music]

- OK, let's focus up.

We got two orders of business we need to deal with before we

even travel to Daytona.

- Day-to-na! - Hey!

[together] Day-to-na!

- OK!

[together] Day-to-na! - Let's go!

[together] Day-to-na!

- Every time anybody says "Daytona," they chant.

[chuckles] It's cute.

[together] Day-to-na!

- All right, all right, all right.

First order of business-

- Where's DiMarcus at?

- Oh, he's visiting his sister who just got deployed.

Wait, he sent me a picture.

But I think it had to get cleared

by the military or something. - Where was she deployed again?

- Anyway, hey, Steven. - Yeah?

- Let's focus up. - Yeah.

- Yeah, OK. - That's what it was.

We weren't allowed to say it.

She's in [bleep]-istan.

- As I was saying, now that the championships are real,

we got to do some serious fundraising.

We also must recruit new cheerleaders.

- Oh, boy.

OK, we are being rehomed.

And I know everyone says keep in touch,

but really, please, let's do it.

- No one's being rehomed.

- So are we being replaced?

- This is bull[bleep].

- Yeah, [bleep] this noise. - Krystal.

- Wow, this is really terrible timing for me too.

I just got a tattoo that says "Button Boy" on it.

Check it out. Peaches did it for me.

- Steven, and I feel like that says "Butt on Boy."

- What's that? You love it?

- Looks good, hon.

- You guys want to get one too?

- In order to have the best odds of winning at Daytona,

you need the maximum number of people on mat, 16.

You can take more with you.

They just won't be able to compete.

But I have a different problem.

I'm four short.

Every one of y'all's gonna compete.

But if we want to win, we do need a bigger squad.

That's why I can't afford to lose a single one of you, yeah?

So you got to promise me, you will not get injured...

[crutch clatters] - Oh, God!

- Arrested... - Mm-hmm.

- [bleep] off me!

- Or do anything stupid.

Steven!

- Oh, this is worse. - Steven.

- [garbled yelling] - Steven!

Steven?

- Yes, don't do anything stupid.

Uh, Peaches, my tattoo's feeling a little hot.

You used a sterile needle, right?

- No. - Yeah, I had a feeling.

[laughs]

- ? Okay, let's go, okay, let's go ?

? Okay, let's go, five, six, seven, eight ?

- ? Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh ?

- So the thing about Daytona is,

it's expensive.

And back at SDSJC, we got a full ride-

I mean, airfare, hotels, we were in Hog Heaven.

That's the name of the restaurant we always went to.

But here at Headltstoon Junior College,

I have zero support, so I will be figuring out everything

by myself, like I always do.

- Feed me, Seymour!

- Oh, the theater department is doing

"Little Shop of Horrors" right now, so-

You know what?

Let's have some fun with it.

Let's use this old prop.

She's in good working order.

And we'll just ballpark it just to see how much we might need.

So hotels, flights,

meals, sundries, cash to tip with.

I do not like being cheap.

[exhales sharply] That can't-

we don't need to tip.

The service is not that good.

And the kids can bring their own sundries.

What, am I daycare?

Even with those subtractions, it's-it's gonna be $19,000.

OK, time to go to my local banker.

Uh, Boonie-

- Uh-oh.

Anytime you start a sentence, "Uh, Boonie" like that,

it never leads anywhere good.

- What?

It's not true.

- Uh, Boonie, I dinged the truck.

Uh, Boonie, you were right, the pressure washer was

stronger than the patio paint.

Uh, Boonie-

- Boonie... - Mm-hmm?

- I do need to use the rainy-day fund

to get these kids to Daytona. - Mm-hmm.

Well, I am sad to report that our rainy-day fund has run dry.

I guess there just wasn't enough rain.

- Wait, you mean there's too much rain?

- No, 'cause if there's no rain,

then there'd be a drought.

- Yeah, but the expression is you save the money

for a rainy day.

- Yeah, but that doesn't make sense,

'cause you spend less money 'cause you stay indoors.

- Yeah, but there's other expenses like you got to get

a new roof, there's galoshes- - Baby, we're broke.

- Well, how?

- Because you work 80 miles away,

so your salary goes to gas money.

Plus, you paid for Sally's parking tickets,

Madonna's medicine, that fancy choreographer.

You bailed Peaches out a couple of times.

You bought DiMarcus a plane ticket on Air [bleep]-istan.

- Well, you know that was important.

- Everything is important, OK?

All I'm saying is, the only thing we have

that's worth anything is my testicle in a jar

and my mint-condition Stretch Armstrong collectible.

- Boon, you said you threw that out.

- Honey, he means too much to me.

- I'm talking about the testicle.

- So am I. [cash register dings]

- Whoo-hoo! - Oh.

- My laundry's done. Thanks, Coach Potters.

- Make you a plate of food before you go?

- Actually, I have dinner plans with Holden, so...

both: Aw!

- Sounds like it's going pretty well.

- It's great.

Things are only good.

I mean, physically, things are great.

There's a reason why they named him Holden.

- ? Oh, dream weaver ?

- He's very good at holdin' my hand.

OK, what do you feel like watching?

- Um, whatever you want.

- Um, OK.

Uh, what about "Frozen"?

- "Frozen."

- Actually, what about "Happy Death Day"?

- "Happy Death Day."

- I just wish he was holdin' some opinions of his own.

- All right, this is my current squad.

Now all I need is four more to bring to Daytona.

I'm optimistic.

OK, you can stop, honey.

All gas and no brakes.

I'm gonna let you know.

Thank you.

Uh, Mike.

All right, let's see what you can do.

[dramatic music]

? ?

Thank you, Mike.

That is exactly what we need.

Yes.

- We'll let you know, Mike. Bye.

Thank you. - Don't go anywhere, Mike.

I'm the one running these tryouts.

I decide who makes this team, not y'all.

- Anyone who thinks we should also be deciding, say aye.

[together] Aye.

- Dot? - What?

I'm as much part of this team as anyone.

More, maybe. - More?

- Well, I thought I'd give you a little credit.

- OK, that's not how any of this works.

- All those who think this is how it should work, say aye.

[together] Aye.

- Aye. - You know what?

Y'all want to help the team so much,

why don't you spitball some ways you could fundraise

so we can actually get to Daytona?

- Ooh.

Day-to-na! - Hey!

[together] Day-to-na! - Hey!

[together] Day-to-na! - What?

[together] Day-to-na!

- It's cute until it's not.

.

- OK, so as the first one to make the team,

I'm heading up fundraising.

- I have an idea, but it's a little risky.

Have y'all seen "Ocean's Eleven"?

- Yeah. - [laughs]

We make a movie like that, we'll make a fortune.

- I was thinking more like a bake sale.

My grandma makes a killer brownie.

- Guys, there is no way in this world

we're gonna raise enough money in a bake sale

to make a movie.

- What about a car wash?

My sister always complains when she comes

to pick up my laundry that her Kia Soul

gets covered in candy soot.

- Ooh, yes.

We can use the decontamination room

at The Candy Button Factory.

And if we do it on a Tuesday,

it will be closed to the public.

- Aw, that is a great idea, Sally.

- Mm-hmm. - Actually, I hate that idea.

- Uh, yeah, me too.

- You know, I might be coming around on it.

- Hmm, you know, so am I. Hmm.

- So do we like it or-

- Holden, I think this meeting is just for cheerleaders.

- I agree.

I would like to try out for the cheerleading team.

- Honey, that's real sweet, but this isn't a dating club, OK?

My cheerleaders have to be athletes.

They have to be able to flip, stunt, tumble, you know.

- ? Oh, dream weaver ?

- Oh, my goodness.

I can see why Sally likes you.

- [laughs] Yeah.

Why?

[buzzer blares]

- Thank you. Tell your friends.

- This blows.

Washing cars is impossible.

That one took, like, two hours.

- Well, if the candy soot gets wet,

it hardens into cement.

And fun fact, candy buttons were originally

designed to be suppositories.

[stomach growling]

- Have no fear.

Sweet relief is on the way.

The Candy Button Suppository.

May cause constipation.

- Dude, we've only made $18.

- Guys, if we don't make enough money,

we're not going to Daytona.

- Hey!

[together] Day-to-na!

Day-to-na!

- OK, OK, OK, OK, stop.

I can't be the only one keeping us focused.

- Hear me out.

We're young, hot cheerleaders

surrounded by suds, damn it.

We know what to do.

- All right, cue music.

[Little Mix & Stormzy's "Power"]

? ?

- ? Hold up, no, you didn't bow, bow ?

? I ain't the chick to walk behind you around town ?

? Just cause you're packin', packin', whoop, down South ?

? That don't mean I'm ever gonna take it lying down ?

? Baby, oh ?

? I'm a machine when I do it ?

? You're the man ?

- This is a Batchet way to raise money.

- ? I got the power ?

? You should know ?

? I'm the one who's in control ?

? I'll let you come take the wheel ?

? Long as you don't forget ?

- ? Yee-haw ? - ? You got the power ?

- ? I got the, I got the power ?

? I got the, I got the power ? - Hey.

- ? I got the, I got the power ?

- ? Hold up ?

- ? My turn ? [horn honks]

[all cheering]

- Take it all. - Thank you.

- Take all that money.

- $55!

Let's go!

[horn honking]

- OK, next up, Eric Black.

- You can call me Asian Eric.

- Is that short for Caucasian Eric?

- You're thinking of my buddy Cauc.

- I can assure you, I am not.

Wait, don't you play football for Sammy Davis Sr. Junior?

- I talked to DiMarcus.

He said that he gets to flip and throw girls.

That sounds sick.

- OK, well, there's a lot more to cheer than that.

[upbeat music]

? ?

- Come here. Come here. Come here.

- Uh, no, wait, she's in the play.

- [grunts] - Oh, God.

- Go.

- [grunts]

? ?

- He appears to be a lunatic.

But on a big team, you can get away with one.

OK, Mr. Button?

OK, well, let me see you out of your costume.

- What costume?

- OK, I can't let you audition with the head on, so...

[dramatic music]

? ?

Oh, Lord.

- Cue the music.

- ? I said ?

? It's getting hot in here, so hot ?

? So take off all your clothes ?

- ? I am getting so hot, I wanna take my ?

- OK, two lunatics, but I do feel like the rest of the team

will be a good influence.

- ? Motorbike, motorbike ?

? Bike, bike, bike, bike ? [horns honking]

- Have they lost their corn-fed minds?

[together] Day-to-na! - Hey!

[together] Day-to-na! - OK!

[together] Day-to-na!

- OK, all right, all right.

Now, what's going on here?

And why does that sign say, "Topless Car Wash"?

- Oh, because we're not washing the tops of cars, silly.

- We got to practice our routine, and we made $4,000.

- You made $4,000?

I knew you'd come through.

I am in shock. [laughs]

[knock at door] Yeah?

- Mr. Krohn is here.

- Who's that?

He's Headltston's biggest BM-

business man. - Oh.

- Actually, he's number two, after Augustus Schlimpfh.

- Well, send him in, please.

Our team could use a solid BM.

So nice to meet you, Mr. Krohn.

Can I offer you a stool?

- No, I'm gonna make this quick.

My brother and I, we own all the auto spas in town.

- OK.

- You sent your cheerleaders to my territory, so I want half.

- They were just trying to raise money.

As cheer coach, fundraising is only one of my duties.

- Yes, I, too, have many duties.

Are you familiar with IBS?

- International Brotherhood of Sudsworkers?

What, are you like the car wash mafia?

- Oh! We don't use that term.

Car wash limits what we do.

We also detail, we wax, we even pull out minor dents.

You know, it would be a shame if you had an accident.

I can imagine the skid marks.

- [whispering] BM.

[somber mandolin music]

- Fine.

Here's $2,000.

And I hope you're proud of yourself.

You're taking money out of the mouths of cheerleaders.

- And you have to drop another deuce, 2,000.

- Why? - For gas.

? ?

Thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta

drop the kids off at the pool.

My daughters have a swim meet.

- You are a bad man, Krohn!

.

- Damn it.

I'm back to zero dollars.

I did not want to have to do this, but...

I have to go kiss the button.

- ? Yes, yes ?

- I already helped you out at the Button Day schpectacular

when you made the girl fly.

- Yeah, and I am so grateful for that,

but Button Day is nothing compared to Daytona.

[door clicks]

[both speaking German]

- [screams]

[door slams, keys clattering]

- [mouthing words]

- Apologies. - [chuckles awkwardly]

- My daughter, Hildebuench, is home from boarding school.

- Hildebuench Schlimpfh, that's a beautiful name.

- Yeah, yeah.

- I-I didn't know you had a child.

- Yes, she was an... unhappy accident.

A few years back, I tried to leave the family business

and start my own venture.

- [speaking German]

- Yummy, yummy.

- For whatever reason, that business failed.

So I left Headleshtein for a schpa in Gstaad inschtead.

That's where I met Giselheid.

We had one night of magic.

And then afterwards, she came back my place and schtuppen.

A few years later, Hildebuench showed up on my doorstep.

And my life has been a living heil ever schince.

Do you have any children? - No, not yet.

I, um-I am a surrogate mama to 16, though.

That's why I need this money.

And you saw for yourself the transformative power

of cheer at Button Day.

That girl we made fly, she used to be a big-time criminal.

Now she's a...smaller-time one.

- Hildebuench has been kicked out of every

boarding school she has attended.

No one can tame her.

Maybe you and your team could transform her into something.

I'll write you a giant check.

- You already wrote me a giant check

for a tiny amount of money.

[cheers and applause]

- You're welcome.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I will write you a tiny check

for a giant amount of money if you

can take her out of my face.

- Are you trying to sell me your daughter?

- No, I'm talking about buying from you

the absence of her from me.

- What?

No, no.

Listen, I do need this money,

but I will not sell my good name.

You got to earn a spot on my team.

There is no pay to play.

- Well, perhaps you can consider this a scholarschif?

- The scholarship?

- Scholar- - Scholarship.

- Scholar-sheep.

- Ooh, God. - [screams]

- OK, that's gonna be a hard nein.

Yeah.

[upbeat marching band music]

Boonie, I've about had it up to here with this town.

I got Schlimpfh trying to buy a spot for his daughter.

I got Krohns all over my ass.

I finally got a full team to go to Daytona,

and I don't think I'm gonna be able to afford

to get them there.

- You got a full team! - Yeah.

- Headline was a little buried under some weird stuff there.

Who'd you get?

- Uh, Boonie.

- Oh, no.

- A white guy named Eric Black.

- Asian Eric?

He's my best linebacker.

Why'd you take him?

- He wanted to cheer.

And I am trying to get my 15th trophy.

- Well, I'm trying to keep a team together, Courteney.

- Well, Boon, I'm doing this all on my own, OK?

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to run everything

by you in real time.

- That's what I'm missing.

You guys are such couple goals.

- I agree.

But-but why?

- Well, you argue all the time.

- We don't argue. We bicker.

We bicker.

- Well, Holden agrees with every single thing that I say.

And excuse my French, but it's tr�s terrible.

- Oh. - Oh.

- Well, I just-I feel like I want what you guys have.

- Well, good fighting takes time.

And I just know you and Holden are gonna get there.

- You know, I probably just need some time away from him.

- Uh, Sally.

- I didn't ask you to become a Button.

- You're right. - Oh, my gosh, OK.

I don't think I can take this, OK?

You agree with every single thing that I say.

- I'm sorry.

Sally, I just, like, really like you.

And I just want you to be happy.

Why else would I watch "Frozen"?

- Wait, you don't like "Frozen"?

- Come on.

Can Disney subvert traditional tropes for once?

Why does every movie have to start with the parents dying?

- Because it's relatable, OK?

And you know what?

Next you're gonna tell me that you don't like "Bambi."

- I hate "Bambi."

- Well, I hate that opinion.

- ? Oh, dream weaver ?

- Holden and I discovered something

called makeup kissing.

So I think we're gonna start disagreeing

once a week from now on.

Maybe twice, if you know what I mean.

? ?

- Well, we will not be able to afford to fly,

so we will take a bus.

And between points, a blouse I can convert to Kohl's Cash,

and a couple of good bets on FanDuel,

I have secured for us one night at a Travelodge

and an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet

at this restaurant called

I Can't Believe It's Not Shrimp!

So now I do have to sell my babies.

Not like Augustus and his one-night schtand.

I'm talking about my trophies.

Because I can, will, and must get us to Daytona.

[knock at door]

Come in.

- Hey, Coach. - Hey, baby.

- Um, sorry.

Um, can you come out here for a second?

Uh, we did another fundraiser.

- OK. Yeah.

What are y'all up to?

- We decided that we are going to help pay our way to Daytona.

I made $300 from selling my Labubu.

- No, honey. What did you do?

- Oh, no, no, no, no, it's OK.

It's just a spooky little stuffed animal.

- I can't take that, though.

- You can.

[blows sharply]

- Steven-

- I sold the engagement ring I bought you.

- Honey. $200?

- Well, yeah, you know, I bought it last-minute,

so it cost a little more.

But I did pawn it, so if you change your mind-

- I won't. - Of course.

- OK. - Yeah.

- Thank you, though.

- I sold my car. - Sally, no.

- Yeah, and then I stole it, and I sold it,

and we did a couple rounds of that.

- Yeah. - [sighs]

- I ran a deal on my OnlyFeets account-

double the price to see these little piggies cry,

"Wee, wee, wee" all the way to the bank.

[clicks tongue] - Ooh.

- $6,000.

- Oh, my gosh, you guys.

- Coach, we're a team.

[gentle acoustic guitar music]

- Gah, get in here. - Yes!

- Hugsies, hugsies, hugsies! - Come on.

- And we love you. - Oh.

- [laughs]

- I love my Buttons.

.

- Whoa. What is all this?

- I don't know, maybe all the trophies you bought

from eBay for $1,600, HotCheerMom.

- You don't know that was me.

- You did put our home address on there.

- How do you know it wasn't you?

- Well, whoever did it gets a kiss.

- It was me. I did it. - [laughs]

- ? Oh, dream weaver ?

- Mm. - Baby.

Where'd you get that money?

- I had to dip into our retirement a little bit.

1, 1, 1...1?

[lock whirring]

[dramatic music]

Until we meet again, old friend.

- You sold your unopened Stretch Armstrong doll?

- Collectible.

- Your unopened Stretch Armstrong collectible doll.

- Well, truth be told, it was a little bit open,

'cause how else are you gonna play with it?

- Right.

- So I had to throw in my pickled testicle as a bonus.

- Had to?

- Baby, I got way more money for that

than Stretch Armstrong.

But you know what?

For the love of my life, I'd give the other one away.

- I sure hope that won't be necessary.

- Yeah, please, no. Mwah.

- You know, Sally's right.

We are couple goals.

- Mm-hmm.

- Well, it turns out, I'm not doing this alone.

My husband and my team was willing to sacrifice

their most prized possessions.

And now I know what I have to do.

All right, this is everybody.

Give a warm welcome to your new Button members.

We do have the numbers and the means to go to Daytona, yeah?

[together] Day-to-na! - Ha!

[together] Day-to-na! - OK!

[together] Day-to-na! - Let's go!

- Hey, is this gym haunted, or does everybody see

that scary girl sitting on the stage?

[all gasp] - Whoa!

- We need to offer a warm Willkommen to Hildebuench.

She is the first recipient of the Candy Button Factory

Cheer Scholarschif.

- This is your gymnasium?

[scoffs]

- Who the [bleep] is this chick?

- Peaches.

- Yeah, I kind of like her.

- So I did sacrifice my good name.

And in return, Augustus did write me a very tiny

check for a very large amount.

And not only was it enough to reach our goal.

There was also a little extra left over to replenish

my and Boon's retirement.

- I love you so much.

- I love you- - You too, Courteney.

- Mm-hmm.

- Hey, wait, did they not send back my testicle in a jar?

[jar clattering]

- Dang it, they didn't, baby.

I'm so sorry. - Aw.

- You realize that this is a division four co-ed

junior college cheer team, right?

- Yeah.

- And I know what you're thinking,

but this is not pay to play,

'cause she's not gonna be playing.

So our team is set.

- Oh, she's- - Oh, yeah.

- Oh! Oh!

[dramatic music]

[all gasping]

- Oh, my God.

- She is gonna play,

which means one of my kids

might not be able to compete at-

[together] Day-to-na!

- Yes! [together] Day-to-na!

- OK! [together] Day-to-na!

- I'm talkin' 'bout... [together] Day-to-na!

- I'm talkin' 'bout...

[together] Day-to-na!

- [bleep].

- [whistling]

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