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South Park - Season 11 Episode 5
"Fantastic Easter Special"
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...In my Easter Bonnet,
with all the frills upon it,
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I'll be the grandest
lady in the Easter parade.
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Look at that one, huh?
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Half purple and half yellow
with a chikadee sticker.
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I'm good.
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Uh, can I ask a question?
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Why do we do this?
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Wha... what do you mean,
"Why do we do this?" It's Easter!
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Right, so, why do we color eggs?
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Wulll, ssso that the
Easter bunny can hide them.
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Yeah, but why?
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Stanley, Easter celebrates
the day that Jesus was resurrected
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after being crucified for our sins.
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So we dip eggs in colored vinegar
and a giant rabbit hides them?
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That's right.
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You don't see the missteps
in logic with that?
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Look, I'm just saying that somewhere
between Jesus dying on the Cross
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and a giant bunny hiding eggs there
seems to be a, a gap of information.
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Stanley, just dye your Goddamned eggs!
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I don't feel like coloring eggs!
I don't get it!
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What is wrong with him?!
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Well, he's just getting older, Randy.
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Maybe he figured out
the Easter bunny isn't real.
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You know so little!
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And I want a Baltor
soldier doll for Easter,
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and five Crash'n'Go RC cars,
you got that?!
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Do you HAVE that?!
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- Ahh, don't you think that's-
- Nono! You don't ask me questions!
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You are a rabbit! I am a human.
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So if you don't bring me what I
want for Easter, I can fucking kill you!
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Smile!
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Bye, Easter bunny!
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Oh My God.
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All right,
can you explain to me what's going on?
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Huh?
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What is the deal with the coloring the
eggs and you hiding them and all that?
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00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,150
What does that have to
do with Jesus dying on the Cross?
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It is symbolic?
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Are you trying to reference something
that happened in Biblical times?
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Answer me!
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Look, kid ahh,
I'm j-, I'm just a guy in a costume.
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I know that!
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But I figure you must have
some knowledge of what Easter's about
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if you're playing the
Easter Bunny at the mall!
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Easter's just Easter.
Just, just go with it, kid.
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NO, I'm not gonna just go with it! I'm
gonna find out what's behind all this!
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I need a break. Can I have a break?
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We have a problem.
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Somebody's onto us.
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Yeah, he's askin' a lot of questions.
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Only a matter of time before
he finds out what Easter's really about.
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Yes, I understand what must be done.
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Call the others.
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00:03:07,923 --> 00:03:14,008
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Mom? Dad?
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Anybody home??
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Not now, Stanley, I'm on the toilet!
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- Dad! You've gotta help me!
- Hang on, I'm taking a crap.
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Dad! There's Easter bunnies chasing me!
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What?
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They chased me from the mall!
I don't know what they want!
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They're coming in! Dad, open the DOOR!
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Dad??
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00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:08,476
We... need to talk, Stan.
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Ih, it's okay guys.
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- Randy?
- Yeah.
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00:04:13,939 --> 00:04:17,339
'Cause it turns out the
kid we're after is my son.
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Ohhh.
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Tell the Grand Hare everything is okay.
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I'll take it from here.
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I wanted to keep this from you, Stan.
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00:04:28,028 --> 00:04:30,499
I really wanted to wait
until you were older but...
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you just had to keep asking questions!
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Why were those other
rabbit guys chasing me?!
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We have to be careful when
we think somebody's onto us.
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We are all part of
a secret society, Stan.
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A very ancient,
very important society of men
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who follow the way of the Rabbit, and
protect the secret of the Easter bunny.
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We are called... the Hare Club For Men.
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Does Mom know about this?
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Duh, it's the Hare Club For Men.
Chicks wouldn't understand.
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I don't understand!
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I belong to a secret society that
has been around for thousands of years!
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Our identities have to be protected!
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Could, could you,
take off, the ears, please?
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Stan, you don't seem to
understand how serious this is!
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The secret of Easter that we protect
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is something that could rock
the foundation of the entire world!
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So what is the secret of Easter?
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I can't tell you. You have to be
allowed into the Society first, but...
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but perhaps... it's time.
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I always knew this day would come,
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when my son would be
brought into the society.
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Reminds me of the day
I was brought in by my father.
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- Grandpa's in it too?
- Of course.
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Marshes have been in the
Hare Club For Men for generations.
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All the way back to the beginning.
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Dad, do I have to wear this
bag over my head the entire time?
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You aren't a member yet. You can't know
where our secret meetings take place.
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We're going to a distant location,
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an old building near
a lake about 40 minutes away.
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You mean the old Galveston Lodge?
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Damnit.
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00:06:07,247 --> 00:06:08,841
- Hey Bill.
- Evenin' Marcus.
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- Heh heh hey, look at you!
- Hey everybody.
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Stan Marsh, welcome!
You must be very excited.
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Must I?
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There he is! There's my grandson!
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- Hi Grandpa.
- I'm proud of ya, Billy.
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...Stan.
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Tonight, we determine if a new member
is worthy of protecting the Secret.
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Bring out... the rabbit.
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Sanctum Piter oteum, Deus ore uneum.
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Hippitus hoppitus reus homine.
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In suspiratoreum, lepus in re sanctum.
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Hippitus hoppitus Deus Domine.
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All hail the cute rabbit, Snowball!
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Hail Snowball.
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Stan Marsh,
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are you ready to hear
the secret of Easter?
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- Yeah.
- Are you sure, son?
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Once you hear the secret, you will be
bound to The Hare Club For Men forever.
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Yeah, I wanna know already.
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Very well.
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At the Last Supper,
Jesus Christ met with his 12 Disciples.
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It was there that-
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- They found us!
- Protect Snowball!
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They're everywhere!
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Come on, we've gotta go!
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Stan, take Snowball and get out of here!
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- Where am I supposed to go?
- JUST GET OUT OF HERE!!!
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Where is the rabbit?!
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Where are you taking us??
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No! I'm not goin' anywhere!
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Jesus Christ!
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Who did you give the rabbit to?!
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Search the area!
The boy could not have gotten far!
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Oh no...
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Help.
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What happened?
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My Dad's in a rabbit-worshiping
cult called the Hare Club For Men
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they protect the secret of
Easter but before they said what it was
145
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they were attacked by ninjas
and put me in charge of Snowball.
146
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...I'm kind of fingerpainting right now.
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Dude, they took my Dad away.
They even shot one of his fellow hares.
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And now they're after me!
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Do you know anything about Easter?
150
00:09:30,698 --> 00:09:33,533
What is the connection between
Jesus and rabbits and colored eggs?
151
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Dude, I'm Jewish. I have no idea.
152
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Nelson.
153
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Nelson? Nelson, say something.
154
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My legs. I... I think they're broken.
155
00:09:53,185 --> 00:09:55,945
Nelson, do you know where we are?
Where did they take us?
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Don't know... we traveled for hours...
kept blacking out...
157
00:10:06,435 --> 00:10:07,285
You...
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Hi, we'd like to speak
to a Professor Teabag?
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- What is it in regard to?
- The history of Easter.
160
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Sorry boys, it's a little
late for me to be giving lectures.
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Please? Do you know anything
about the Hare Club For Men?
162
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The Keepers?
The Guardians of the Secret?
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My Dad is in it.
This... rabbit is too somehow.
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Come on in.
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00:10:40,830 --> 00:10:44,125
The Hare Club For Men
has been around for centuries.
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00:10:44,175 --> 00:10:47,675
One of its most famous
members was Leonardo da Vinci.
167
00:10:50,521 --> 00:10:51,973
Behold the Last Supper.
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00:10:52,377 --> 00:10:56,615
The dinner Christ had with his disciples
the night before he was crucified.
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00:10:56,901 --> 00:10:59,541
What food do you see on the table?
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- Just bread...
- Really?
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00:11:02,092 --> 00:11:03,720
Look to Jesus' right.
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00:11:03,770 --> 00:11:07,070
The food which is a little
different color than the others.
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00:11:08,032 --> 00:11:10,449
It kind of looks like... an egg.
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00:11:10,913 --> 00:11:13,318
Yes. The egg marks the secret.
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00:11:13,651 --> 00:11:16,675
It lies directly in front of...
Saint Peter.
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00:11:17,056 --> 00:11:18,375
Who is Saint Peter?
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00:11:18,425 --> 00:11:21,111
He was the disciple that
Jesus made into the first pope.
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00:11:21,112 --> 00:11:22,386
Eggsactly.
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00:11:22,969 --> 00:11:25,812
But there's something
the Church didn't tell you.
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00:11:25,862 --> 00:11:28,812
In actuality, Peter wasn't a man at all.
181
00:11:29,220 --> 00:11:32,058
Saint Peter... was a rabbit.
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Peter Rabbit.
183
00:11:35,214 --> 00:11:38,255
Of course, the Church wouldn't allow
da Vinci to paint Peter as a rabbit,
184
00:11:38,305 --> 00:11:42,653
so he painted him as a man,
but left clues. Look closely.
185
00:11:42,996 --> 00:11:45,646
- I don't see it.
- Look closelier.
186
00:11:46,608 --> 00:11:50,418
- He looks like a guy.
- Look more closelier.
187
00:11:53,638 --> 00:11:56,261
With laser technology
we can look beneath the paint,
188
00:11:56,311 --> 00:11:59,013
the way da Vinci originally painted it.
189
00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:03,661
That... is Saint Peter.
190
00:12:04,355 --> 00:12:06,909
The original Pope of Christianity.
191
00:12:07,001 --> 00:12:08,251
I don't believe it.
192
00:12:08,572 --> 00:12:11,818
Proof is everywhere. Look
at the Pope's hat. It makes no sense,
193
00:12:11,868 --> 00:12:15,418
except that it was originally
designed... for a rabbit.
194
00:12:15,923 --> 00:12:18,380
But why would Jesus want
a rabbit to run his church?
195
00:12:18,430 --> 00:12:20,672
Because Jesus knew no one man
196
00:12:20,722 --> 00:12:22,851
could speak for everyone in a religion.
197
00:12:22,901 --> 00:12:25,889
Men can be intolerant; rabbits are pure.
198
00:12:25,939 --> 00:12:29,127
But the Catholic Church buried
the truth, put a man in charge,
199
00:12:29,177 --> 00:12:32,032
and the Hare Club For Men
has been decorating eggs ever since
200
00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:35,352
to keep the secret in
da Vinci's painting alive.
201
00:12:35,402 --> 00:12:38,802
So... the Vatican took Stan's dad?
202
00:12:46,460 --> 00:12:50,790
You dare to mock God by telling
people St. Peter was a rabbit?
203
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,290
You monster!
You have no right to wear that hat!
204
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:58,030
Trying to tell people that St.
Peter was a rabbit is blasphemy!
205
00:12:58,471 --> 00:13:01,684
You must admit you
are wrong or burn in hell!
206
00:13:01,734 --> 00:13:03,574
It's saying stupid things like that
207
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:05,992
that made Jesus wanna
put a rabbit in charge.
208
00:13:06,042 --> 00:13:08,414
I'm sorry I couldn't bring
you the rabbit, Your Holiness,
209
00:13:08,415 --> 00:13:10,021
but they know where it is!
210
00:13:10,071 --> 00:13:13,015
The rabbit you call Snowball
is a threat to Christ's Church.
211
00:13:13,016 --> 00:13:14,637
Where is the rabbit?!
212
00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:18,433
I don't know! And even if I did know...
213
00:13:18,483 --> 00:13:21,676
well, I'd probably tell you
because I don't wanna be here anymore.
214
00:13:21,726 --> 00:13:25,442
- Take him to be tortured!
- Tortured, huh, but Bill,
215
00:13:25,492 --> 00:13:29,653
all this... torturing and ninjas,
it just doesn't seem very Christian.
216
00:13:29,703 --> 00:13:32,260
You asked for the help
of the American Catholic League,
217
00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:34,724
let us do our job! Take him!
218
00:13:34,774 --> 00:13:38,941
No! No, you bunny-hating bastards!
Don't do this!
219
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:45,230
I don't get it. Why would the pope
be holding my Dad hostage for Snowball?
220
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:49,059
I believe Snowball must be a
direct descendant of St. Peter himself,
221
00:13:49,109 --> 00:13:51,695
and therefor the true
heir of the pope's throne.
222
00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:57,884
Mr. Teabag! Get out!
223
00:13:59,777 --> 00:14:02,827
- They found me!
- Boys, get out of here!
224
00:14:03,863 --> 00:14:06,982
Head to the woods!
I'll try to buy you some time.
225
00:14:07,032 --> 00:14:08,441
Check upstairs!
226
00:14:08,491 --> 00:14:10,085
227
00:14:11,133 --> 00:14:13,733
Upstairs clear! Try the office!
228
00:14:21,288 --> 00:14:22,371
In here!
229
00:14:23,716 --> 00:14:25,266
What's that?
230
00:14:29,643 --> 00:14:31,005
PEEEEPS!
231
00:14:37,566 --> 00:14:39,100
So what now?
232
00:14:39,150 --> 00:14:40,900
If the pope has my Dad...
233
00:14:41,685 --> 00:14:43,220
I have to give him what he wants.
234
00:14:43,270 --> 00:14:45,022
You aren't just gonna
hand Snowball over?
235
00:14:45,072 --> 00:14:48,768
What choice do I have?!
There's nobody left who can help us!
236
00:14:48,818 --> 00:14:49,718
Wait...
237
00:14:50,508 --> 00:14:51,708
unless...
238
00:14:52,199 --> 00:14:54,049
maybe there is.
239
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,127
Here, hold this.
240
00:15:01,319 --> 00:15:02,210
Jesus,
241
00:15:02,887 --> 00:15:05,651
I know we haven't talked in a long time,
242
00:15:05,701 --> 00:15:09,424
and I know that every time you appear
we end up killing you somehow, but...
243
00:15:09,474 --> 00:15:11,274
I don't know what to do.
244
00:15:11,379 --> 00:15:13,879
And I could really use your help.
245
00:15:23,982 --> 00:15:26,341
I think the rabbit
just crapped on my jacket.
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00:15:26,973 --> 00:15:31,493
Live, from the Vatican,
it's our Easter Vigil coverage.
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00:15:32,005 --> 00:15:36,611
As Holy Saturday comes to an end,
the Easter vigil at the Vatican begins.
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00:15:37,052 --> 00:15:41,383
Thousand have turned out to hear
the Pope and celebrate the Resurrection.
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00:15:41,433 --> 00:15:44,824
For this Easter vigil the
Pope is also showing his divine grace
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00:15:44,874 --> 00:15:48,624
by feeding the poor,
with a massive rabbit stew.
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00:15:49,852 --> 00:15:50,833
NOOO!
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00:15:51,102 --> 00:15:52,626
Noo! No, don't put m-
253
00:15:53,845 --> 00:15:55,831
Bill, this seems extreme.
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00:15:55,881 --> 00:15:57,580
The child who has the rabbit has to know
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00:15:57,630 --> 00:16:00,984
that we are willing to kill
the hostages if he doesn't hand it over.
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00:16:01,034 --> 00:16:04,184
Your Holiness,
a child has arrived witha the rabbit!
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00:16:04,439 --> 00:16:05,539
Ya see?
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00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:09,728
Oh thank God!
259
00:16:09,778 --> 00:16:12,822
Hand it over, Stan! They're
gonna kill me! Give them the rabbit!
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00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,324
Yes, hand it over!
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00:16:14,899 --> 00:16:17,459
First, you have to
promise you won't hurt it!
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00:16:17,460 --> 00:16:19,260
And that you'll let everybody go!
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00:16:19,261 --> 00:16:22,548
- We promise.
- We swear it, on the cross.
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00:16:22,654 --> 00:16:24,831
JUST HAND OVER THE BUNNY, STAN!!
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00:16:24,881 --> 00:16:26,331
Okay, fine.
266
00:16:29,647 --> 00:16:31,226
Stanley, why did you do that?
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00:16:31,276 --> 00:16:33,264
I would have proudly
died for that rabbit.
268
00:16:33,314 --> 00:16:35,380
- You said "hand over the bunny."
- No!
269
00:16:35,430 --> 00:16:37,192
That is NOT the way
we're remembering it!
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00:16:37,193 --> 00:16:38,993
Take them into custody!
271
00:16:39,051 --> 00:16:40,541
Hey, what the hell!
272
00:16:40,591 --> 00:16:42,995
Bill, we have zeh rabbit,
it's all we need.
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00:16:42,996 --> 00:16:44,731
Don't be soft, Your Holiness!
274
00:16:44,781 --> 00:16:47,391
These "whores" must be
punished in front of everyone!
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00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:49,510
You swore on the cross, fatso!
276
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,832
Yeah. Too bad for you...
277
00:16:51,882 --> 00:16:53,732
it was a double cross!
278
00:16:54,917 --> 00:16:56,867
Oh, we should've seen that coming!
279
00:16:57,079 --> 00:17:00,903
Bill, I'm not sure that double
crossing people is very Christian.
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00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:03,303
IT IS WHAT CHRIST WOULD'VE WANTED!
281
00:17:03,441 --> 00:17:05,723
Who are you to say that?!
282
00:17:09,203 --> 00:17:11,036
It... can't be.
283
00:17:11,393 --> 00:17:12,203
Jesus!
284
00:17:12,917 --> 00:17:18,417
He is risen. He is risen.
285
00:17:18,727 --> 00:17:24,201
Let the voices sing
his praises on this holy day.
286
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,676
He is risen!
287
00:17:26,726 --> 00:17:29,876
Jesus, we thought you died. In Iraq.
288
00:17:29,928 --> 00:17:33,328
I have the power of resurrection.
Or have you forgotten?
289
00:17:33,380 --> 00:17:35,997
You all seem to have
forgotten a lot of things.
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00:17:36,047 --> 00:17:37,724
Jesus, you did answer my prayer!
291
00:17:37,774 --> 00:17:40,462
Actually, I was answering
the prayer of Nick Donovan.
292
00:17:40,512 --> 00:17:42,312
Ohh, that's me Neato!
293
00:17:42,464 --> 00:17:46,259
This is exactly why I put a rabbit
in charge of the Church, Benedictus!
294
00:17:46,309 --> 00:17:49,001
Because men are so easily led astray.
295
00:17:49,051 --> 00:17:53,187
St. Peter was a rabbit.
And a rabbit should be Pope.
296
00:17:54,885 --> 00:17:56,456
- Kill him!
- WHAT?!
297
00:17:56,561 --> 00:17:58,523
He goes against the Church. He must die!
298
00:17:58,524 --> 00:17:59,729
All right, that does it, Bill.
299
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:02,782
I'm pretty sure that killing
Jesus is not very Christian.
300
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:07,132
You are soft!
Weak! You leave me no choice: take them!
301
00:18:07,355 --> 00:18:08,710
What are you doing?!
302
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:09,960
I am the Pope!
303
00:18:10,010 --> 00:18:13,293
You are no longer able to
fulfill your duties to the Lord!
304
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:15,722
The Easter vigil will go on as planned!
305
00:18:15,772 --> 00:18:17,977
Every Hare Club member, young and old,
306
00:18:18,027 --> 00:18:20,805
will watch as their
precious savior dies!
307
00:18:20,855 --> 00:18:22,650
What is your problem, guy?!
308
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:26,140
Lock up those two Jews!
We'll deal with them later.
309
00:18:26,503 --> 00:18:27,920
No! No!
310
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:30,774
A strange turn of events
here at the Vatican:
311
00:18:30,824 --> 00:18:32,988
Pope Benedictus has stepped down,
312
00:18:33,038 --> 00:18:35,991
ushering the new era of...
Pope Bill Donohue
313
00:18:36,527 --> 00:18:37,663
My people!
314
00:18:37,731 --> 00:18:40,935
This Easter I'm gonna
start by making our rabbit stew
315
00:18:40,985 --> 00:18:42,985
ten times meatier!
316
00:18:44,092 --> 00:18:46,942
No! Listen! We aren't rabbits!
317
00:18:49,886 --> 00:18:51,436
Forgive me, Jesus.
318
00:18:51,555 --> 00:18:53,475
We'll never get out in time to stop him!
319
00:18:53,525 --> 00:18:55,505
Don't you have any superpowers?
320
00:18:55,694 --> 00:18:58,644
Not as a mortal. Only in death.
321
00:18:58,813 --> 00:19:00,313
Wait. That's it.
322
00:19:01,087 --> 00:19:04,136
We have no choice, Kyle.
You're going to have to kill me.
323
00:19:05,601 --> 00:19:07,456
- What??
- Stab me with this.
324
00:19:07,506 --> 00:19:10,718
If I die I can resurrect
outside the bars.
325
00:19:10,768 --> 00:19:12,968
N-no way! Do it yourself.
326
00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:16,146
Suicide is blasphemy.
There's no choice here, Kyle!
327
00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:20,050
Dude, you don't understand, I'm a Jew. I
have a few hangups about killing Jesus.
328
00:19:20,100 --> 00:19:24,050
Just make it quick. Through the neck.
I'll arise again immediately.
329
00:19:24,974 --> 00:19:26,212
Don't make me do this.
330
00:19:26,213 --> 00:19:28,713
My son, there is no time! DO IT!
331
00:19:29,189 --> 00:19:31,627
Eric Cartman can never know about this.
332
00:19:31,677 --> 00:19:33,963
I understand. And Kyle,
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00:19:34,391 --> 00:19:37,141
- happy Easter.
- Happy Easter, Jesus.
334
00:19:51,987 --> 00:19:52,837
...Jesus?
335
00:19:53,797 --> 00:19:58,464
Behold, no longer will Easter
be about bunnies and colored eggs!
336
00:19:59,203 --> 00:20:00,453
Kill the rabbit!
337
00:20:02,310 --> 00:20:03,845
Sorry, little bunny.
338
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:06,740
Snowball!
339
00:20:13,631 --> 00:20:14,531
Jesus?
340
00:20:14,726 --> 00:20:15,676
Stop!
341
00:20:15,893 --> 00:20:18,193
That rabbit is of holy descent!
342
00:20:18,322 --> 00:20:20,846
Why won't you go away?!
343
00:20:21,060 --> 00:20:24,310
One man cannot be
the voice of the Church!
344
00:20:24,447 --> 00:20:27,602
Enough of this blasphemy!
I'm the Pope now!
345
00:20:27,923 --> 00:20:31,173
That means I am the voice of God!!
346
00:20:31,471 --> 00:20:35,167
Not anymore.
I'm removing you from your position.
347
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,916
YAAAY!!!
348
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:53,368
All right Jesus!
349
00:20:57,187 --> 00:21:03,777
Sanctum Piter oteum, Deus ore uneum.
350
00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:08,890
Hippitus hoppitus reus homine.
351
00:21:09,139 --> 00:21:10,518
Your Holiness,
352
00:21:10,568 --> 00:21:14,218
what should we tell the world
about how to run their lives?
353
00:21:16,581 --> 00:21:18,269
It isn't saying anything.
354
00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:21,176
Yes, just as a-Jesus intended it.
355
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,604
Stanley, I'm so proud of you.
356
00:21:25,654 --> 00:21:27,700
You've learned so very much this Easter.
357
00:21:27,701 --> 00:21:29,581
Yeah. I've learned not to ask questions.
358
00:21:29,582 --> 00:21:31,382
Just dye the eggs
and keep my mouth shut.
359
00:21:31,383 --> 00:21:32,784
That's my boy.
360
00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:37,193
Hippitus hoppitus Deus Domine.
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00:21:37,732 --> 00:21:39,932
Subtitles : Spirit
Transcript : South Park Scriptorium
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00:21:39,933 --> 00:21:41,772
www.southparknews.net
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