Original subtitles

You're still on the couch?

I swear you were when I left.

Hey, Mom. Hey, move, move.

Did you get your room cleaned up?

I'm gonna do it in a little bit.

What's the matter?

Someone a little hungover?

Did you have a little too much to drink?

Uh, yeah.

A little bit too much.

You can't go too crazy on New Year's. Come on.

I didn't mean to.

Hmm.

So I had a good cocktail hour with the girls.

We were talking about New Year's resolutions.

So we all agreed to have the same resolution.

What's that?

Whenever we get together and go out, we're only going to have three drinks.

That's a stupid resolution.

Why?

It's like, I don't know, it's just dumb.

Needs to happen. We get a little too crazy sometimes.

What's yours?

Do you have one?

No. Is it to clean your room?

No.

I don't have one. Is it to do all your homework and get all A's on your test?

Definitely not that.

Ugh.

Come on. Have you even showered today?

I'm not dirty.

So, you have to come up with something.

You need a little more motivation.

What's your New Year's resolution?

Is it a secret or you just don't have one?

It's a secret.

It really is a secret. I can't tell you what it is. Oh, you do have one.

Okay.

Wow.

Now I'm really curious.

Why wouldn't you tell me what it is? Because I don't want to have secrets.

You're not. I'm your mother. There's no secrets from me. Come on.

What is it? Phil, now it's going to be good.

Tell me.

I don't want to.

Come on.

Have you been sitting here all day pondering it?

No, I fell asleep.

I don't want to tell you.

Are you blushing?

It really is something good.

Come on. If it's not good, you've got to tell me.

It's the...

To get laid.

That's why you didn't want to tell me.

Don't make fun of me.

I'm not making fun of you.

Use resolution.

It's embarrassing.

You're growing up.

That's great.

Don't be embarrassed.

Come on.

So that means you haven't before. Because I know you've been dating. I

you've been like... I've walked by your room when she's... I won't say what I've

seen, but I thought maybe you've been there already.

Yeah, no, I haven't.

All right. Well, it must have been close.

I mean... Kind of a few times.

It's just never really worked out.

Okay.

Well, I haven't seen her here in a while. Where's she been?

Oh, she's kind of, kind of like broke up.

Come on. I mean, you've filled out. You've started playing sports.

You work out a lot. You're always at the gym.

You look good, honey. Come on. There's got to be someone. I can help you with

this.

Let mommy help you.

I don't think you can help me.

I'm not really that great with girls.

Oh, come on.

You just need to, you know, have a little confidence.

I'm trying.

I'm just, like, not really going great.

Don't sound so pathetic. You're not pathetic.

Come on.

I mean, let me see.

You said it came close, right?

Yeah. Right?

Let me, okay, just let me see.

See what?

Well, I mean, it's been a while. I want to know what it looks like. Mom, don't

do that.

Why? Show me.

Mom, it's... Because I... Show me.

Don't be embarrassed.

I'm your mother. You can show me, right?

I don't want it to get, like, hard in front of you.

You can touch it.

Sorry.

Well, it's... I mean, that happened.

That's kind of what I want to see, right? I want to see if, like... Oh.

You know?

Okay, I just... I just... Okay.

Oh.

All right.

Let me see, honey.

Okay.

Oh, look.

Okay.

It's a little bit hard, honey.

Sorry. I told you it just... Well, it's bigger than I remember it.

Oh,

look at that.

Thick, too.

It is?

Yeah, I mean... And it's pretty long.

Honey, you should be getting laid all the time.

You think so?

I don't think you should have any problems with that.

I mean, come on.

Don't touch it too much more.

I mean...

Look, it fills up my whole hand. It's almost too late.

Look, and it's not even all the way hard yet, is it?

Let's see what happens when it gets all the way hard.

Hmm.

Don't touch it too much? Is that what you said?

I don't want to... Like, you know... I'm a little, like... I

think this baby's resolution is great for you.

Look, you're ready.

See?

You should be getting laid all the time.

Well, that would be great if it could happen.

I can definitely help you with this.

How can you help me?

Why don't you come in Mommy's room and I'll show you?

It really is quite nice, baby.

Thanks, Mom.

Uh -huh.

Are

you

sure it's okay, Mom?

You don't have to help me.

Don't you really want to?

Oh, I want to.

Okay, I want you to, too.

A lot.

No

one's

ever had you?

Mm -hmm

You want to see them?

Oh, what are you going to say?

Watch mommy like that.

Mommy,

can I put it inside you?

Fuck, like, all you've done is jerk off. Oh, my God.

Fuck, Mommy, God.

You don't feel like you're going to come?

Yeah.

It's okay.

Just slow down if you feel like you're going to come.

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