Original subtitles

Previously on L .A. Law.

What is going on here?

We're throwing pot.

Naked?

You ought to give it a try.

What? You heard him.

I'm going for the children.

You're laughable, Douglas.

You haven't spent 15 minutes with those kids since they were six years old. You

want them?

You don't have to go to court. You can have them.

Well, I haven't been able to work a single day since this terrible tragedy.

you weren't working before it either, were you?

It's a big difference between being temporarily laid off and never being

work again for the rest of your life.

Forget work. I can't even move.

And that's why you're in a wheelchair now. Is that correct, Mr. Hartvig?

Can't move a muscle.

Not a one.

Nice to have you back on your feet, Mr. Hartman.

You want to see what I looked like when your father knew me?

These are porno movies.

I was sexy, wasn't I?

God, yes.

Am I sexy now?

Yes. I don't know what's going to happen with us, but when I'm with you...

It doesn't matter.

I guess because... Because I love you.

Mom?

Dougie.

Dougie and Mom.

You're an early bird, Miss Millman. Morning, Roxanne.

Morning, Benny. Morning, Mr. Brackman. Good morning, Benny. Oh, I told your

brother he can wait in your office and feed the fish.

So... What are you doing here, Errol?

Good morning to you, too.

Get out of my chair.

Tell me, Dougie, is this some kind of situation where my brother could become

stepfather? Not that it's any of your business.

But I happen to care deeply about your mother, and I believe she cares deeply

about me.

Does your wife know about all this deep caring going on between you two?

You're a disgrace.

Weaseling your way in here, looking to exploit your own mother?

Not my mother, Dougie.

You. Get out.

I refuse to let you turn this into something shameful and tawdry. Look at

the paragon of virtue.

Out before I knock you down.

You and what army? That's it.

All right, I'm going. But let me tell you this, Dougie. If you think I'm ever

going to forget the sight of you and my mother rolling around in the hay like a

couple of old seals.

And let me tell you something else. You break that old lady's heart, and I'll

kill you. You understand me?

Moving along, Lewiston versus Bates.

Defendants got a motion for summary judgment.

They'll probably win. On what grounds?

Merits. Great.

Otten versus Otten. Nothing exciting. A couple of pre -trial motions today and

tomorrow. So far, your basic divorce.

Crutcher versus Boland. We go to trial today. Wait a second.

I thought this was Stewart's case.

Yeah, it is, but I had to bring in a litigator and Jonathan.

Hold it.

Hold it.

Why on earth are we even taking this to court?

Gee, I don't know, Douglas. Maybe it's because we represent a 74 -year -old

widow against the sleazy business manager who built her for every cent she

But it makes no difference. The sleazy business manager has hidden all his

assets, and there's nothing to collect here. The client wants a judgment

him no matter what. If she can't get money, at least she'll have the

satisfaction of having a moral victory.

But we took this on a one -third contingency. 33 % of a moral victory

pay our rent.

All right, Douglas.

Well, can't we at least assign a more experienced attorney?

Like who, Douglas?

Michael's tied up with a Schoenberg case, Anne and Abby have the Lewiston

and Victor's on a deposition safari in Wisconsin.

Speaking of which, what's going on with that, Victor?

Well, the acrobats in Eau Claire, they're a pretty tight -lipped group,

of them, Yolanda, did tell me that one of the twins told her that Byron DeBeck

looked kind of double -like.

Publicly, he is the pillar of the community, but privately, he made no

about his fondness for fairly bizarre sexual practices.

Like what?

Apparently, one year, he spent over $15 ,000 at the old English Saddlery and

Bridal Store. Is that an unusual amount?

It is if you don't have a horse.

You know,

I never did it with twins.

Yeah, well, it's not as great as you'd think.

Anyway, I gotta go to Worcester, Massachusetts now.

Yolanda tells me that the twins run a chicken farm up there that they

from DeBeck.

Chickens? Yeah.

Yeah, I'm gonna see if I can get them to open up for me a little. I'll bet you

are. On that note, we're adjourned.

Oh, don't forget the Bar Association's cocktail party is tonight.

Leland, can I get a ride with you? My car's in the shop.

Well, I'm going directly from the club.

I can run you over there.

Leland!

Stewart!

I'm very nervous about turning Jonathan loose in a trial. What's to lose,

Douglas? You said yourself there's no money to be gotten. So even if you win,

you lose.

We might as well let Jonathan get the trial experience.

But at what cost?

I don't want the firm responsible for smoke bombs going off in the courthouse.

No, I think John knows better than that.

Stuart, you better keep a close eye on him.

Were you looking for me?

Hmm. You know that guy Jerry I'm dating?

Well, he's got a friend, David Meyer.

Thought it'd be fun for the four of us to go out.

What's he like?

He's single. He's loaded.

He has a pulse.

Sounds perfect.

Wednesday night, doll.

Maison Richard.

Oh, nice.

Look at go.

What's the need for increased support here, Mr. Phillips?

My client sacrificed her career for her husband, Judge. It's only right that the

husband... You're seeking a modification of a temporary support order with the

same argument you used six weeks ago.

I know that, Judge, but since then she's resumed her writing. She desperately

needs an office to do the writing. She's got a five -bedroom house. She wants to

get her master's degree. She needs to hire full -time help, and she's very

interested in journeying to Benares this spring as part of the research for her

current book.

Benares is in the Ganges River?

That's right, Your Honor.

Mr. Phillips, I am not pleased.

There's nothing exigent or even different about your client's

And I don't much like attorneys happily prancing into my court asking me to

change my mind. I also suspect this motion is either an opportunity for you

pad your fees or for your client to victimize her husband.

Mr. Becker, your attempt to reduce the support order is equally out of line.

too, smacks of retaliation.

And I'm hereby denying both your motions. What about the conditional

garnishment, Judge? This is very embarrassing to my client, and I would

Sorry, the garnishment stands.

Your client's credit report suggests a strong propensity to ignore payments,

Counselor. He won't be ignoring these. But, Your Honor, this is very... It's

only embarrassing if he fails to comply.

Otherwise, his employer will never know.

Motion denied.

I'll hear any further pretrial motions tomorrow.

Have a lovely day.

Mrs.

Crutcher, what was your reaction to the idea of investing in a gold mine?

I told him to forget it.

I didn't even want to risk my money on stocks.

But at some point, you changed your mind? He told me that the geologists and

other experts were positive, that this was the investment opportunity of a

million lifetimes, that he was even putting his own mother into it. Then he

my hand and he said, Mrs. Crutcher, I wouldn't let you do it if I wasn't so

about it.

So you invested?

Yes, I put in $50 ,000.

I had another 50 in the money market, so I said, well, why not take a little

chance? Then what happened?

Well, it was about two months later.

I didn't get my check.

Your check?

Oh, Mr. Boland had me on a budget.

You know, a plan.

I'd get a monthly check for $2 ,000.

About 600 went to pay off the mortgage, and the rest of it was for my living

expenses. Well, anyway, it was about the 10th of the month, and I still hadn't

got it.

So I called him.

And that's when he told me.

Mrs. Crutcher, what did he tell you? He said there was no gold.

I couldn't believe it.

I'd lost $50 ,000.

Then he told me I'd lost the other 50, every penny I had.

What happened to the 50 in the money market? It went into the gold mine, too.

They had to do some extra drilling or something.

God, he just took it.

So he didn't tell you he was dipping into the money market account? No, he

didn't tell me a thing. He just spent all my money. So what happened?

I lost my home.

I was broke, so I couldn't make the payments. The bank took it.

I lost my home.

My husband worked so hard for it.

He was putting a little money together so we could live right.

He used to say, this is for the days that we can enjoy.

Seven years ago, I lost him.

And now, now I've lost everything he worked for.

Where do you live now, ma 'am?

I live in a studio apartment.

I have to take a bus to the grocery store.

You did this to me.

You did this. Objection. Mrs. Crutcher. How could you?

Objection. Mrs. Crutcher, please.

I'm sorry.

I have nothing. I'm 74 years old and I have nothing to live on.

I'm afraid.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

No further questions.

Mrs. Crutcher, with respect to the gold mine, did Mr. Boland make any statements

of fact that were not true?

Well, he told me it was a sure thing. I'm not interested in predictions or

projections, Mrs. Crutcher, just statements of fact.

Did he make any factual statements that were not true?

Well, I don't know.

And who made the final decision as to whether to invest in this gold mine or

not?

Oh, I did. And when you signed a power of attorney expressly authorizing Mr.

Boland to use the additional funds in the money market account, he told you

it might be necessary to use the additional $50 ,000 to protect your

correct? But he said it was so unlikely. Yes or no, ma 'am. Did he tell you at

the time that you signed the power of attorney that he might have to use those

additional funds in the money market account?

Yes, but I never thought that he would... Thank you, Mrs. Crutcher.

Nothing further.

Would you like some champagne?

I don't think so, honey.

Come on.

Cheer up.

It just breaks my heart that you and Errol don't get along.

Sibling rivalry.

It happens.

You're his big brother.

He idolizes you.

Douglas, he's trying to blackmail me.

If you just talk to him, Douglas, I know you two could be real good friends.

For Rusty, try.

Okay, for Rusty. I love you, honey.

You make my heart sing.

Hi, Douglas.

Can I have a mineral water, please?

Make that two.

Your Honor. Mr. Becker.

Nice to see you off the battlefield.

It is a battlefield, isn't it?

Unfortunately.

By the way, are we allowed to chat without crossing the bounds of

So long as we don't discuss your case.

What case?

Nice to see you, Judge.

Arnie. Long time no see. How you doing, Norman? Well, I can't complain.

Can't complain.

So, are you going to be adversaries here?

I beg your pardon? I'm in the middle of a divorce. I think Mr. Klein incorrectly

assumed that you were representing me.

Aha. Well, nice to see you both.

Who is representing you? Mitchell Gray was, but I let him go.

Hi, Arnie. Hi, Abby.

Yeah, you're looking for a divorce, not a war.

Exactly. Some lawyers have a limited repertoire.

All I want is an attorney who can cross the T's and dot the I's and tell me

where to sign my name. Well, whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck.

you, Mr. Becker.

Howdy, boy.

Hi, Ma.

What's this?

Service with a smile.

You're Sheila's attorney?

She hired me to handle the divorce.

You were going after her private life to get custody of the kid?

How's it going to look when I tell the judge you're sleeping with my mom?

Errol! Just imagine, there we are in court. You on one side and Sheila on the

other. Represented by one brother, shacked up with the other. Ooh, that one

ought to make the L .A. Times.

You see?

Sheila and I are going to enjoy going through the financial records of the

to determine the value of your partnership interest, Dougie.

Damn you!

Boys, please!

Don't fight!

Go ahead, go ahead. There's a hundred lawyers. I got his witnesses. Now,

Douglas.

You're gonna pay.

You all right? Other than my life's in total shambles, I'm fine.

Douglas, this has got to stop. Don't you think I wanted to?

They're like a pack of snarling dogs closing in for the kill.

Now, you listen to me.

You've been embroiled in this disgraceful melodrama for months, and

nearer a solution now than when you moved out. Now, if not for your own

then for the sake of the firm, do whatever you have to, but get this over

Gentlemen, are we ready to proceed?

Your Honor, counsel for the defendant requests a sidebar. Step up.

I would respectfully move that given the nature of these proceedings, Your Honor

disqualify herself from the case.

What's the basis for your motion, Mr. Becker? The fact that Your Honor is

currently in the midst of a divorce herself.

Mr. Phillips?

Your Honor, please be assured that this is the first I'm hearing of Mr. Becker's

motion. Furthermore, I don't question Your Honor's ability to conduct a fair

trial regardless of the circumstances in your personal life.

This motion is not meant as a criticism, Your Honor.

Mr. Becker, whatever the circumstances of my personal life, they don't pertain

to this case.

They don't affect my ability to discharge my judicial responsibilities,

are none of your business.

Your motion is denied. Step back.

Is there anything further?

I would move for a temporary restraining order barring the plaintiff from

interfering with my client's ongoing negotiations for film rights to his

novel. She's protecting her future interests, Your Honor, nothing more.

The issue of Mrs. Otten's share in future projects is not going to be

on pretrial motions, Mr. Becker. Your Honor, there's a certain vindictiveness

operating here which you may not be taking into account.

This isn't just a matter of dotting your I's and crossing your T's.

Your divorce may just be paperwork, but this one isn't.

You're not going to let go of this one, are you, Mr. Becker?

Excuse me?

You're going to make this case about me.

Your Honor, I've made my position clear.

I believe the interests of a fair hearing are best served by another judge

presiding over this case.

Not I, Your Honor. You want another judge so badly, go get one.

I hereby recuse myself from the matter of Otten versus Otten.

Now that your motion's been granted, Mr. Becker, I'll see you in my chambers.

You're a despicable man, Mr. Becker.

No, Your Honor, I'm just a good lawyer.

I made a passing reference to my divorce in a casual conversation. You turned

that around and used it to humiliate me. If you'll recall, I specifically made

my recusal motion as a sidebar to spare you any embarrassment.

And I... not to be grateful? If I have a question about a judge's impartiality,

I have an absolute obligation to protect my client.

The fact that I am getting a divorce does not throw my impartiality into

question. You talked about getting a divorce last night as though you were

filing for an extension on your income taxes.

In my experience, people are only that bloodless when there's a powder keg

inside of them that they're desperately trying to keep from exploding.

Thank you for the psychiatric evaluation, Mr. Beckham.

Your Honor.

A judge getting divorced isn't all that different from anyone else getting

divorced.

The authority of your office doesn't insulate you from the pain of a failed

marriage. It doesn't regulate your husband's actions or vest you with any

particular wisdom in planning out your own.

You are going through a very real event.

You may want to speed up its passage, but you've got to give it its due.

Thank you, Counselor.

That'll be all.

Just a minute.

You're quite an opportunist, aren't you, Mr. Becker? When it comes to my

client's interests, you bet.

Before I fired my attorney, we had a settlement conference scheduled for

tomorrow morning at 11 o 'clock.

There have been four cancellations already.

If you represent me, we won't have to cancel another.

Me? Well, what's the problem? We're all done with this case.

Well, there's no problem, Judge. I'm just a little surprised. I don't know

to say.

Say yes, Mr. Becker.

That way I can pay you for your wisdom, and you can stop calling me Judge.

Douglas Brackman for Errol Farrell.

You in for Douglas Brackman?

Go kill yourself!

Tell him it's important.

It's important!

Call the cops!

Go potty your nose.

Is it shiny?

Errol, we have to talk.

If you're looking to fend off our emotions for discovery, forget it. This

about the divorce.

I want to talk to you personally.

It's a little late for that.

Not if you want to make your mother happy.

Of course I want to make my mother happy.

So do I.

In a different way, Dougie. A more biblical way.

Neither one of us can make her happy until we settle our differences.

What do you want? My blessing? In a way. And the chance to say I'm sorry for my

role in whatever troubles we've had in the past.

I don't know, Dougie.

Sounds a little abstract to me.

Concretely, then.

I can help you. I'm prepared to put you on our attorney referral list at the

firm. Just offhand, I can think of a lot of business we can throw your way.

Debt collections, some P .I. cases.

And if you were interested in becoming more active with the Bar Association, I

could introduce you to the right people.

You'd do that? And if you ever needed money...

or a shoulder to lean on, I want you to know you could come to me.

I'm feeling a melting away of a lot of grievance, Dougie. I don't want

hostilities with you, Errol.

I want us to be friends as well as brothers.

That's all I ever wanted.

That's all I ever wanted, too.

Come here, you.

Excuse me, Errol.

The 3 o 'clock is waiting.

In a minute.

Hey, it's my big brother here.

And you believed in the viability of this mine. The geologist said there was

gold in the mine. The assayer said there was gold in the mine. I was just so

sure this thing was going to make all my clients rich.

Did you consider that the seller might have laced the mine with gold flakes to

fool you?

That's why I hired the independent geologist to check it out thoroughly.

And he told me the ore samples were legitimate.

I still can't believe he could have been so wrong.

Did other clients lose money on this proposition, Mr. Boland?

Collectively, it cost my clients over a million dollars.

It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

It's put people out of their homes.

Mrs. Crutcher, I am so very sorry.

You have to believe me. If I had the money, I would give it to you myself,

but... Objection sustained.

Just answer the question, Mr. Boland.

Sorry.

How has this whole thing affected you, Mr. Boland? Well, I've lost a lot of

clients, of course. Though I think if they had stayed, I could have turned

things around.

But I can't really blame them.

Do you blame yourself, sir?

Yes, I do.

Even though I suppose I really shouldn't.

I mean, the geologists, the assayer, the economists were unanimous. And I have

to rely on them the same way my clients rely on me. Things just didn't work out

here.

And I am deeply sorry for that.

Especially for the good, wonderful people like Mrs. Crutcher.

People who trusted me. Do you feel that you abused that trust, sir? I promise

you I did not.

I may have lost all my money, but I will take my integrity to my grave.

I have never cheated anyone in my entire life.

Thank you, sir.

That's all. As the hour is late, we'll adjourn till tomorrow and resume with

plaintiff's cross -examination.

See you all then.

Down there and turn left.

Miss Maynard? Mr. Boland?

Can we see you there for a minute?

All right, look.

We're willing to shave our demand to $50 ,000, provided you agree to an audit,

make a good faith that... Drop dead.

The offer's $5 ,000. That's it.

Bobby, let me do it. Five.

That woman's on food stamps because of your... I don't give a damn if she has

hock her dentures. If I cave in to her, all those other old goats are gonna come

after me with their hands out.

Those old goats are broke because of you. The geologist supported every word

said. I got nothing to worry about. You paid off that geologist.

Completely unprovable.

Even if you do prove it, so what? I got no access.

That's enough, Bobby. Don't tell him anything. This is a settlement

Everything here is inadmissible. I'll tell you this, Mr. Bond.

We'll get a judgment against you and just sit. And as soon as you become

we'll pounce all over you. Nice theory, hot shot.

The only problem is your client's 74 years old, and one thing I've learned

old people, they don't wait so good. They have a nasty habit of dying.

What the hell is that supposed to mean? It means if you win, I appeal. You win

again, I appeal the appeal. She keeps hanging on, I keep waiting.

The day I become liquid is the day after she croaks.

You make me sick.

Spoken like a lawyer who knows he can't get me.

You want to do your old lady some good?

Cut your losses. Take the five grand. Come on, let's see.

Whatever it takes Jonathan.

I want you to nail that bastard

It's

all right with everyone I'd like to start by setting some parameters for

discussion Since both parties are self -sufficient, we don't need to concern

ourselves with support.

You can cut through the schmoles, Mr. Becker. We're all lawyers here. We know

what's on the table.

Stan, uh, we'll just go through the schedule of assets line by line. Let's

see where we stand on each, okay?

Cash on hand amounts to roughly $150 ,000. We exclude inheritances and

contributions. We're left with somewhere around $100 ,000, which gets split

right down the middle.

Stock portfolio is worth somewhere around $400 ,000. We use current

We split it by alternate selection or a liquidation, if that doesn't work. Which

it won't. The house in Brentwood is worth probably $1 .5 million, $1 .6

We put it on the market, split the proceeds once it's sold. Absolutely no.

Why? It's not like there are any kids.

Here we go.

Stanley Silverman's Tale of Woe, number 4 ,715, entitled My Wife Didn't Give Me

Any Children.

Do you think we'd be sitting here today if you had? I don't think that this is

what we're here for, people. Oh, yes, it is.

Because at the conclusion of his tale of woe, I'm going to give you chapter and

verse of what I've lived with. What do you mean, what you've lived with? You're

the luckiest damn broad on the face of the earth. Oh, thanks to you, of course.

You're damn right, thanks to me.

I taught you how to think.

You're a judge today because I turned you into a lawyer.

And you've never forgiven me for passing you by, have you?

Tell them how well you dealt with my success, dear. How you gave bomb to your

wounded ego by racking up sexual conquests, including but not limited to

former law clerk. Maybe I was trying to get your attention.

Why? So you could come mewling to me with your sense of loss?

Guilt me into forgiving you?

Can I make a suggestion?

There are practical matters which we should... Your self -pity didn't break

during our marriage. It's not gonna break me now.

I hope you die, lady.

A fake no -word staying married to you.

Don't say a word.

Come on!

Hold it!

Jeffrey?

Come on.

Sheila, how's the pottery? Corrupted.

Gordon?

Hi, Dad. Boys, what happened to your hair? What happened to yours?

Quit it, Jeffrey.

Quit it. Boys. You cut it out. Can we get on with this?

My lawyer said you had a proposal.

I do.

I want peace, Sheila.

I want this family to locate a new sense of oneness.

Jeffrey, do you mind?

Jeffrey.

Jeffrey, your father is talking.

I'm ready to initiate a full accounting and division of all assets accrued

during the marriage.

Ask for the children and prepare to accept joint custody.

Big deal. The only reason you tried to take them was because you couldn't stand

the fact I was happy.

Sheila? No, Gordon, she's right. I felt jealous and angry. But now that I found

love myself,

None of it matters.

We may not choose to be married to each other, but we'll always be bound to each

other as parents to our children.

This is a beautiful acknowledgement.

Sheila, what do you think about what Douglas is saying?

I want my lawyer to look it over.

Uh -huh.

And what do you feel about what Sheila just said?

That's fine.

I don't know about both of you, but I am... I am... I am...

Terribly moved.

Ow! Jeffrey, stop it! You keep sniffing me!

Alec, stop sniffing your brother!

Hey, that's an expensive fish. Don't you dare touch it! I'm just gonna pet it!

It's not meant to be petted.

Will you forget the stupid guppy, Douglas?

Sheila, no more punishment.

No more hostility.

Let's declare our loyalty to this family.

To the bond we can create between and among our children, our friends.

All our denominators.

I feel so blessed just to be here.

Oh, Jeffrey! My fish! It's a flying fish. It just flew right out. Do you

anger, Jeffrey and Sheila? Stick it, Gordy. Your shoe, Sheila, the fish. Move

your shoe.

You took a $75 ,000 consulting fee on this gold mine deal, didn't you? I

that's correct, yes.

You recommend a deal to an elderly widow.

A deal that causes her to lose her house as well as every last penny she has,

and you take home 75 ,000 bucks?

Nobody regrets this more than I do, sir. Oh, that's right.

You're deeply sorry.

Objection. Sustained.

Mr. Boland, I show you your own promotional brochure, which puffs your

and I ask you to read the part I've underlined. Here.

Above all, we advocate diversification, a varied portfolio to minimize risks.

Diversification, and yet you put every cent of Mrs. Crutcher's money on one

single gold mine venture.

I've already explained that. It seemed like such a sure thing.

Did you put any of your own money on this sure thing?

I never invest my own money. I bet.

Tell us this, Mr. Boland.

Why didn't you notify my client you were taking the last $50 ,000 out of her

money market account?

It wasn't necessary. I had power of attorney. I was authorized.

This woman was anti -risk. She was afraid to play the stock market, for

sake. And you plunked down all her money, her life savings, on a high -risk

mine without even telling her? Do you think I'm happy about this? Do you think

I'm proud of what... Bear with the sympathy song, Mr. Boland. You're a

thief. Objection!

Counselor, you stole from this person who trusted you. I did not. Mr. Rollins.

This brochure says you're accessible in constant communication with the client.

It says you emphasize conservative estate planning. It says you stress

diversification. What you did with my client's money contradicts every

representation in your brochure, doesn't it? This was a special thing, that's

all.

Special thing.

Take a breath, Mr. Boland.

We're just getting started here.

Your Honor, he's had this man up here for over four hours.

This is protracted. It's... Overruled. I'm going to allow it. Thank you, Judge.

Mr. Boland, regarding your financial statement, I see you've made over three

-quarters of a million dollars in each of the last three years.

You've set up five different trust funds, one for your wife and one for

your four children.

Each exceeds $300 ,000, with you named as the only trustee, and yet you

personally have assets totaling only $17 ,000.

I like to look after my family. No, you like to make yourself judgment -proof.

Objection. That's not true.

Overruled. You've set up this sham protection blanket so your fleece

have nothing to chase but an empty bag. I object.

I am an honest man.

Anyone who knows me knows that.

Really? Well, a Mr. Frank teacher knows you, and in his complaint against you...

Objection. This is totally out of line.

I'm offering it to him, Pete. She just testified that everyone who knows him

knows he's on it. I have 12 complaints here.

Each by former clients, people who know him to be something other than honest.

Your Honor.

Overruled. Mr. Frank Teacher alleges you defrauded him and conspired to steal

money in excess of $20 ,000.

Are you aware of this complaint currently filed against you?

Yeah.

So, when you stated just now that everyone who knows you knows you're an

man, that was a lie.

Wasn't it?

Objection. Do I have to keep taking the... Taking is your strong suit.

stealing, lying. Oh, for God's sake.

Mr. Rawlins.

That's enough.

Sorry, Judge.

Let's forget about Frank T. Jones.

Do you know William Presham, sir? Your Honor.

Overruled. Mr. Rawlins.

Do you have much more here?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my, yeah.

Is there anything more dreary than two people dividing up their lives?

I don't know. Maybe two people not dividing up their lives.

So humiliating.

You work your entire life to achieve a little dignity, and it all comes

unraveled in a barrage of name -calling and rock -throwing and... Forgive me.

I know I'm feeling sorry for myself.

You're entitled.

It's just so absurd.

You evaluate your life by the things in it, and suddenly its value is reduced by

half.

Not its real value.

Well, that can't be measured, let alone reduced.

Spoken like a man who's never had to go through it personally.

Spoken like a man who's had a chance to know you personally.

Are you flirting with the client, Mr. Becker?

No, Your Honor.

Because I'm a judge?

Because...

I wouldn't want to lose your respect and I hope your friendship by being a jerk.

Not to mention you're the kind of woman that I could get into serious trouble

with.

Trouble how?

If I let myself go, you're the kind of woman I could fall deeply ass over a tea

kettle in love with.

Oh, I'm sorry. Forgive me.

If we're really going to jump off that precipice, I don't want to do it here.

Tell me where you want me to go, and we'll go there.

Tell me why we're here, Mr. Becker. Judge Ryan called this morning and said

she wanted to have another meeting as soon as possible.

Probably wants another pound of flesh. If this is going to be a replay of

yesterday, I can tell you it's going to be a very short meeting.

Don't lay responsibility for what happened yesterday at our door. Whose

then? She did everything she could to enrage me. All I'm saying is that it

swings both ways.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Sorry I'm late.

Stanley, are you willing to listen to me for a minute?

I'm here, aren't I? Okay.

I'd like to propose the following.

Let me buy out your interest in the house from my share of the stock

Keep the partnership intact, keep the library, keep the art. I feel like it's

more yours than mine anyway.

With the exception of the black and white Franz Klein, I'd like to keep it.

Why that one? Because you gave it to me for my birthday.

Is that satisfactory?

I think so.

Good. One question.

What happened between yesterday and today?

I don't know.

I thought about what it was I really wanted.

I thought about our history together and both of us getting on with our lives.

And then I slept on it.

Al?

Are you all right?

You call a 101 fever and a severe case of reverse lunch all right?

What about tonight?

You're on your own, kid.

We could cancel. We could make it another night.

Can't. He's out of town. Flying in. Can't be reached.

But Al!

It'll be fine. You'll see. You'll have a great time. Goodbye.

The going rate for a geologist is $400 a day.

You paid him $10 ,000 for one week's work.

I wanted the best. If I hired a more expensive geologist, it's because... But

it's not more expensive.

The job before this, he made $350 a day. The job after, he made $300 a day. You

pay him $2 ,000 a day? I happen to think he was worth it. You paid that

geologist extra to feed the mine, didn't you? I did not. I've got a theory, Mr.

Boland. I want you to tell me if it's true or false.

You pay this hand -picked geologist over five times the going rate to feed the

ore and put out this phony report which allows you to bilk your client. False.

You pay him $10 ,000 and you take $75 ,000, plus a likely kickback on the

purchase price from the seller who knows the land is worthless.

Not true.

Your Honor. Suddenly you're setting up trust funds for your kids while your

widowed clients are living on welfare. It's a lie.

Objection. Sustained. You're the one who's lying, Mr. Boland, and everybody

knows it. I am an honest man.

Mr. Boland. An honest man doesn't get rich off of senior citizens.

Objection. Get out of my face. An honest man doesn't get sued by 12 different

clients for fraud.

Sit down, Mr. Boland. Those suits are completely baseless. An honest man

conceal his assets in hidden bank accounts.

Objection! Objection! I will win all those suits!

Mr. Rollins, you're a thief who should be in jail, Mr. Boland.

I've done nothing wrong.

I am completely honest. Water! You have... You can't... No!

Mr.

Boland?

Bela! Get a doctor.

It's Bennett.

Hold him down.

Bobby?

Bobby!

Get back. Give me some room.

Easy breathing.

Your Honor. Please, what can I do?

Your Honor, this man has a life insurance policy leaving $2 million to

estate. What?

In the event this man does in fact die, Your Honor, I'd like to attach the

proceeds of that policy. Mr. Rollins. We have a reasonable likelihood of success

on the merits and no means to satisfy a judgment based on this man's ability to

hide assets, an ability I'm sure he's taught his co -workers. You're

disgusting. Your Honor, it's imperative we freeze these assets.

For God's sake, Mr. Rollins, this man is fighting for his life. If he lives,

judge your orders moot. If he dies, which it looks like he's going to,

from this purple color I see, then you maintain the status quo pending

disposition. Shut up!

I'll take it under advisement. Now get that hell back. Now!

What's going to be happening?

Did he say that was subject to discovery?

I'll have the agreement messengered over to your office first thing in the

morning. Great, great.

Mr. Becker, thank you very, very much.

Okay. Monica.

Thank you.

Can't you something? I did have help.

But in the end, it was you.

As I recall, there were two of us last night.

I hope you don't think that I took advantage of you. I'm not exactly sure

took advantage of whom last night.

But you're a very smart attorney, and you read me perfectly.

I felt worthless, hurt, betrayed, angry.

And regardless of your motive, you made me feel wanted and special.

And sexy.

You are all those things.

And I want you to know I'm prepared to accept what we had at face value and let

it go at that.

But if you think you can handle more, if you're not afraid of a real

relationship, you know where to find me.

What you did was repulsive. I can't believe it. It was the right...

Thing I had to do... Was reprehensible.

Now, let's all calm down.

Leland, the man died.

And all this screaming isn't going to bring him back. Can the firm be held

liable for this?

Uh -uh. No lawyer has qualified immunity during a trial. What if he had a pre

-existing heart condition?

What if we could be charged with constructive knowledge? He didn't have a

condition. And it doesn't matter.

There's no liability for cross -examining a guy to death. We're still

some negative publicity here.

Oh, listen to this.

All you care about is publicity, and all he cares about is life insurance money.

It makes me sick. So what, I should have dropped to my knees and had a good cry

at the expense of the client? You could have acted like a human being. How human

is it to let Mrs. Crutcher die on welfare? Your behavior was inexcusable.

minute. I don't have to take this abuse.

Jonathan.

What about the trial, Stuart?

It's over, Miss Trout.

Stuart, you're just as much to blame. You sat there. You could have stopped

Stopped him?

I got news for you, Ann. I was cheering for him.

What? You're damn right. Look, I don't wish death on anybody.

But you should have seen this.

This guy has a heart attack, right? The whole room freaks out. The judge panics.

And this kid, this 25 -year -old kid, has the presence of mind to protect his

client. And whether you want to admit it or not, that guy's dying was the best

thing that could have happened to Mrs. Crutcher.

And one other thing.

This kid's going to be one hell of a lawyer.

He's the kind people hire.

Am I ever.

Oh, God, you look beautiful.

Just the same old me.

You know, between your caseload and mine, I haven't seen you in days. I

think you should have come out of retirement.

Are you kidding? It's all your fault.

Uh -uh, Counselor.

I'm not that kind of girl. You have to buy me a romantic dinner first.

Well, um, Maison Richard romantic enough for you?

May we?

Know much about the direct mail game, Rock? Nothing at all. It never fails to

amaze me. When I do a mailing, 2 .6 % response, I'm very happy.

3%, I'm beside myself.

I'm working off this list of recent homebuyers in the Minneapolis -St. Paul

area, Hennepin County, Ramsey County, Washington County, Anoka County.

I'm paying this direct marketing firm to give me those who have gone from less

populous areas to more populous areas because maybe, just maybe, that means

square footage to less square footage. Tell me, what products do I sell them?

I have no idea, David.

Pre -fabricated storage facilities.

Do you know what the response was? No.

Four and a half percent response.

It looks so good, as a matter of fact, that next week I'm flying to Binghamton,

New York, to talk to another manufacturer.

You ever been to Binghamton?

Never. I've been going there for years.

Used to fly into Idlewild Airport and then take the bus. This was on Old Route

17. I'm really not familiar with that part of the country, David.

Middletown, Monticello, Livingston Manor, sample case on my lap, but I

did all right there. I think I see one of our attorneys from the office.

What's that?

Uh, David Meyer, this is Michael Kuzak and Grace Van Owen.

Hi, how are you? Pleasure to meet you.

Won't you sit down and join us?

Our table's ready. Please.

Well, just for a minute.

All right.

So,

you're a lawyer at Roxanne's firm?

Yeah. You know, I just got sued.

Did I tell you that? You never mentioned it, no.

Yeah. A few years ago, I bought this novelty factory in Mahwah, New Jersey.

was going out of business.

What kind of novelty?

You know, your basic promotional trinkets. You got your keychains, your

openers, your pocket protectors, your slide charts. It was the slide charts

where we got into trouble.

Uh, what are they? Uh, two pieces of laminated stuff held together with a

grommet if they rotate, a die -cut window if they slide. We'd get them

up with metric conversion tables, spot and stain removal charts, drink mixing

guides, you name it. We had ones that could... calculate IRAs, mortgage

payments, gas mileage, rim widths. We had 10 -year calendars. It was the rim

widths where we got into trouble.

This fella in Gainesville, Florida, uses the chart, buys the wrong width tires,

gets into a car accident. Who's me?

Hey, this is not a precision instrument.

This is a giveaway item that cost me two and a half cents a unit to manufacture.

Grommets get loose, right? There's nothing you can do about that. This is

the reasons I got out of small manufacturing.

It's late. I should have called first.

That's okay.

So if we get started, I'm not sure where it's going to lead.

Me neither.

I haven't been this scared since I was a kid on my first date.

What are you afraid of?

Everything.

Well, maybe we should...

in my chambers.

Hi, doll. Hi. I feel much better, thanks. See you later. All right.

So, how was the date?

If I had three weeks to live, I'd marry him.

Why?

Because every day would seem like a year.