Original subtitles

Previously on LA Law.

You know, Benny, I've done some checking, and there's a center here in

Angeles. They do all kinds of things. They have dancers and mixers.

Lots of nice girls.

They wouldn't like me.

I think they'd like you a lot.

Are they retarded?

Yeah, they are.

This is John Vincent of Vincent Construction.

He wants us to represent his nephew in a criminal matter. John Vincent is

reputed to be one of the most powerful figures in organized crime in the

United States. I think the key word there is reputed.

I am not a crook.

I'm a legitimate businessman with a serious family problem I'm trying to

out with. Let me review the case, make some calls, and I'll let you know. Bless

you. Oh, nice watch.

Can I have it? What?

Stick -up time.

do it watch rings money come on the yuppie bandit is no longer at large they

caught him trying to fence the rolex dude and i id'd him last night charles

me you were a little reluctant my mind's made up some mistakes are very hard to

live with miss van allen i seriously suggest you rethink your position

she's still drinking the champagne

Hi.

What time is it?

Don't ding my dad getting into your car.

Mr. Becker?

Good morning, Rock.

This is the land, Rocks. I'll tell you, L .A. has got to be the land.

While the rest of the world is freezing, getting buried with snow, I am gently

awakened by a beam of California sunshine reflecting off the golden

of the very warm body that I'm nestled against.

A couple of laps in the pool, a fresh glass of carrot juice, is life figured

here or what?

It's figured out just fine, Arnie.

I was woken up by a dumpster.

The only thing to nestle up to me in the last eight months is currently in the

slammer for stock fraud.

My bagel was so stale I practically chipped a tooth. I'm retaining water and

all out of my doll.

Is life figured out here, you ask?

Morning. Morning, Benny.

Morning.

Victor,

I'm going out on a date tonight.

No kidding. Yeah.

I met this girl named Ivy at the dinner, and we're going out on a date.

We're taking the bus to Lum Shanghai Garden to have dinner, and then we're

to go look in the stores on Melrose.

Sounds like fun.

Yeah. When did you ask her out?

Yesterday.

Boy, was I nervous, too.

I never asked a girl out in their wedding.

She has her only nice curly brown hair.

You like that, huh?

Yeah, I do.

Stuart, what's happening with the yuppie bandit? They accelerated the trial

date. We start tomorrow.

How long should we figure you two will be tied up with that?

Oh, I don't guess more than a day or two.

If we can proceed, 10 hole versus 12 tin fish decoys.

Action for specific performance. The delivery of antique spotted auction.

I'm in depositions all week.

Adelman versus Mack.

And we've instructed the marshal to impound the judgment debtors'

unless a bond is posted by 5 o 'clock.

Sealing versus Steinmetz -Needham Productions. Yeah, hearing for an

is scheduled for 2 o 'clock.

Sounds like a loser.

You know, I can't believe that a TV actor is going into court because he's

unhappy with his part.

What's the name of this show?

Consenting Adults. I never even heard of it. That's the producer's whole

problem. You see, they've gotten great reviews, but they're in a tough time

and they can't get sampling. So if the numbers don't improve, they're history.

I would think that Jack Sealing would do anything he could to boost the ratings.

Maybe he doesn't want to go around the rest of his life prancing in a cocktail

dress. You know, the public doesn't always differentiate between an actor

the role he plays.

To millions of people, Raymond Burr will always be a lawyer.

Vince Edwards, a doctor. Jack Webb, a cop.

Laird Craig, or a psychotic detective.

Nobody remembers I wake up screaming?

Well, before we adjourn, Michael, how's Gracie?

Oh, she's okay. She's, uh... She's spending some time at home, taking it

You got any leads on the shooter?

No. And all she saw was the gun.

Is she afraid they're gonna come after her?

I think if they'd wanted to hit her, they would have done it when they had

chance. Still, it's gotta go through her mind.

Yeah.

Yeah, it does.

Is she going back to work?

Well, she's thinking about it. I don't think right away, though.

I can't imagine what her state of mind must be after something like that.

Pretty shaky for the first couple of days, but she's worked her way through

You know, she's in better shape than I am.

You set me up. Grace, take it easy. Don't grace me.

It is sheer blind luck I wasn't gunned down, you bastard.

You were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

How is that my fault?

If you had told me we had a third partner, or who he was, or what he

us, if I had known any of it, I never would have been in that restaurant in

first place.

I had no choice.

Why? John Vincent is not a guy you say no to. I did, Charlie. I said no.

You could have too.

I'm sorry.

What can I do to make things right between us?

You betrayed our friendship.

Nothing, nothing you can do makes that right.

Great. I'm not proud of myself or what I've become.

The guy's dead.

It gives us a chance to start over with a clean slate.

You start over, Charlie.

Alone. Please.

I wish you'd reconsider.

Not a chance.

What do you do?

I don't know.

Maybe nothing.

Maybe go back to the DA's office.

Grace.

I, uh... I know you know this, but... What he told you before the shooting

about owning us, financing us... If any of that stuff ever got around,

it wouldn't be too great for either one of us.

I appreciate your deep concern for my welfare, Charlie.

And what we have here is an executive producer using her power to ruin the

career of my client.

All we have is an actor vetted with no creative control whatsoever trying to

stop a telecast.

Making him a cross -dresser is going to cause irreparable harm, Your Honor.

I'll take a look at the picture that they're releasing to the newspapers.

Isn't it a little late to be squawking now, Mr. Becker? The episode's supposed

to air in two days.

My client was assured that it would be cut and edited to have socially

value. Give me a break.

But what has resulted is a trashy piece of exploitation deliberately designed at

destroying his career.

How can you stand here as an officer of the court and lie like that?

It's the truth, Your Honor. Ms. Needham has been recklessly vindictive, and I

won't stand for it. You're the one that's being vindictive here. All right,

quiet. Mr. Becker, I see no contractual right which allows your guy to control

the creative development of the character he plays.

Your Honor, there is an implied covenant of good faith in every contract, and

she has breached it with this malicious attempt to stain his image. Your Honor,

I know it's unusual, but I'd like to put my client on the stand.

What? This is not an evidentiary hearing.

I know that, but the issue concerns enjoining a program that costs over a

million dollars to produce.

Now, before you consider such an extraordinary remedy, I'd like you to be

informed. Fine. I demand the right to cross -examine and a one -day

to prepare.

Oh, please.

Hey! If you want to stick her up here, then he's got the right to cross.

We'll convene tomorrow at 10 a .m. Now both of you leave and take the media

you.

Charlie, we have a camera. Mr. Sealing. Mr. Sealing.

Looks like you're losing, Mr. Sealing. If they run that show, I'll break the

studio, I'll break the network, and I'll ruin her. I'll sue you right back for

abuse of props and harassment.

We have no comments.

Wait till you see how natural he looks in lingerie, like he's worn it all his

life. That's slander, lady.

Oh, please. To the extent you can't learn to sing those things, you're going

be held liable, too. Why don't we just sue everybody?

Mr. Sealing. I'll walk right off the set.

Wednesday night, 9 o 'clock, Channel 4. Jack Sealing in a black pursuit.

The Arnie Becker Show. Pretty tawdry stuff.

Hey, at least no one's getting shot at.

Yet. Be honest with me. Am I a jerk?

Well, sometimes.

This time?

No. Why would I think that?

Well, I take a powder from the DA's office. A significant job.

Because I am seduced by this glitzing office, more money, it's change in

right?

And the whole thing holds up in my face.

Gracie, you had to quit. Come on, it was the only right thing to do.

I spent the whole day making phone calls.

Going after whom?

Firms. I've got to get a job.

What for?

Because. Because that's what I do. I work.

Well, we do a lot of things. We eat.

We sweep.

We make love.

Believe it or not, sometimes we do absolutely nothing.

I'd go nuts doing nothing.

Oh, yeah?

You ever tried it?

All the time.

Sure, when?

Sunday.

Right, with a case file on your lap. Now, what I'm talking about here is

nothing, girl. I'm talking about... I'm talking about going for a ride in a car

with no destination or, uh... What?

Yeah, taking a bubble bath instead of giving yourself a sponge bath.

Hey, something happened to you. You've got to give yourself time to settle down

before you go charging back into the workforce.

I have to make a living, don't I?

Well, I don't know. Do you?

Well, if the situation were reversed, would you question whether you had to

a living?

Yeah.

Yeah, if it was at the expense of self -knowledge, I would.

Oh.

Self -knowledge, huh? Yeah. You're saying I don't know myself sufficiently?

Well, who among us does?

And I suppose you're going to show me the way.

Well, look at it this way.

A guiding hand here and there never really hurt.

This guiding hand is cold.

We had pretty much written it off until we got a call from Detective Majeski

saying that there had been a break in the case. And what else did the

tell you?

That they had recovered my watch, and they had a suspect in custody, and would

we please come down and identify him through photographs, which we did. And

you able to make a positive identification of the man who robbed

Yes. And is the man you identified in this courtroom?

There he is.

Right there, that's the man.

The record will show that the witness has identified the defendant.

Robert Alden.

No further questions.

Now, according to the report you gave the police, the man who accosted you was

six foot or over.

But, uh, Mr. Alden's only five foot ten and a half inches.

Call me a liar for an inch and a half.

Well, if you like that characterization, okay.

Look, I'm five feet five and a half. A lot of people look taller to me.

So you're saying that your diminutive stature makes you a less than reliable

observer. No, but you'll acknowledge there's a discrepancy here. Yeah, you

said the man wore a mustache.

Now, I'm not sure about that. Um, I think actually he may have shaved it

Well, my question is, Mr. Markowitz, did he or did he not have a mustache?

So why the hesitancy, Mr. Markowitz? Is it because you can't remember? Or is it

because you and your wife were so drunk that night you can't be certain who you

saw? What? Well, you testified you were on your way back from dinner. Now,

didn't you share a bottle of wine?

In fact, you two guys were pretty looped, weren't you? No, that's not the

Come on, Mr. Markowitz.

Wait a minute.

Objection. Stop putting words in his mouth. Your Honor. This is Markowitz.

posing compound questions and browbeating the witness. You are not the

of record here. Sit down. Come on. You can't let him get away with that.

Mr.

Markowitz, given the trouble you're having with all this, how can you tell

that Robert Alden is the man who robbed you? We weren't drunk, and I'm almost

positive that's the man.

Well, almost positive doesn't put an innocent man in jail, Mr. Markowitz.

Not until they suspend the Constitution.

Nothing further.

What was I supposed to do, lie?

I'm not accusing you. You are accusing me. I'm not. You did the best you could.

I just wish you hadn't let him walk all over you, that's all. Oh, and you were

so forceful, jumping up and objecting like a... Would you mind? Let's not have

fight in the middle of the cafeteria, okay? Where would you rather have a

435.

I don't know.

Let's just drop it, Stuart. You don't want to talk about it? Fine. Good. Fine.

Actors are asked to play less than heroic or sympathetic parts all of the

Why the fuss over this one? Well, my client feels that playing the part of a

cross -dresser will seriously damage his career. You know, actually, the camera

puts about ten pounds on you.

Look, it's Arnie.

I never saw anybody I knew on television before.

that being seen in a dress will damage Jack's... Rox, have you seen my other

trial cast?

Honey! It's in the closet. Let me ask you something.

What would have happened to John Wayne's career if instead of playing the part

of a war hero, you'd played a drag queen?

Thank you.

Arnold Becker is due back in court tomorrow when producer Jamie Needham is

scheduled to take the stand.

From Los Angeles County Court, I'm Jean Kasabian.

How can you be there and...

Here at the same time.

I'm late for court, Benny. I think I'll let Roxanne explain that to you.

They interviewed Arnie yesterday, Benny.

What we're seeing here is a videotape.

Benny, how was your date with Ivy?

Okay.

Just okay?

We didn't really have that much to talk about.

People don't always hit it off on the first date, Benny.

I thought we would.

She just kept worrying about not getting home too late.

She lives with her parents.

You took the first step.

It's a lot more important than whether or not one date worked out.

Believe me, I have kissed a lot more frogs than princes.

No, Benny, no.

That's just a saying.

I mean that you'll go out with different people, and some you'll like better

than others, and some you'll only like after you know them for a little while.

You know, that might even happen with Ivy.

I don't think so.

It would be self -defeating for me to ruin his image. The success of our show

depends in a large part on his public appeal.

And you didn't feel that it would be compromising that appeal to have him

in women's clothing?

It's a nighttime soap.

All our characters have perversities, and our viewers love them. Thank you,

Needham, that's all.

Miss Needham, isn't it true that you and my client engaged in a bitter contract

dispute before the season? It was negotiation.

I'd certainly harbor no bitterness.

Oh, come on, Miss Needham. One of its demands was that they direct three

episodes next year, right? And you found that totally unacceptable, didn't you?

I objected to the notion of an actor being vested with directing

responsibilities? Yes. And the network forced you to cave in because they knew

he was more important to the show than you, right?

Objection. What's the relevance of this? I'll tell you the relevance. She

perceives my client as a threat to her control, so she is trying to humiliate

him with storylines to induce him to breach his contract.

He's no threat to me. I made him.

You made me? Jack. You didn't make me. Sit down, Mr.

Sealinger, or I'll throw you out of here.

I ought to just write you out completely.

I'd win. an Emmy for it. Ms. Needham. I'll stop the whole damn show. You'll do

what I tell you to do. Ms. Needham. This woman's malice is self -evident.

Everybody shut up.

Judge, I'd like to call my client to the stand now. What?

This is a motion session, Mr. Becker, not a trial.

And your case is so weak, I don't see what possible good it would do. I know

it's unorthodox, Judge, but she has had a chance to have her say. I think in the

interest of justice, Mr. Sealing should have his chance as well. Well, then I'm

going to want a day to prepare, just like he got.

All right, we reconvene tomorrow at 10 a .m., and this is the last day. I mean

it. I'm going to give this guy 10 minutes, and that's it. After that, no

witnesses.

Ms. Needham?

Mr. Becker?

Nice car.

Thank you.

Every time I see it, I see you driving down the coast highway totally naked.

Soft, shiny hair flying in the wind.

Double clutching.

Downshifting. Stop.

Anyway, she quit.

What's she gonna do?

I don't know. Look for another job, I guess.

What the hell is this check from Jack Sealy?

It must be our fee, Leland. It's for $100 ,000.

What? A hundred grand?

Yeah, I negotiated a flat rate and he accepted it.

Well, who the hell in his right mind would agree to pay it all up front,

especially an amount like that? I wouldn't know.

Well, tell me what you do know or I'll call the client myself.

Okay.

The money's coming from the studio.

This injunction hearing isn't exactly adversarial.

What's that supposed to mean? It means that this... Well, this whole thing has

sort of been staged to generate publicity for the show.

Staged? What?

Yeah, well, we figured that a little courtroom fireworks would make all the

newscasts, maybe boost the ratings a little, so the producer, the actor, and

we kind of put on a little show.

Arnie, that's fraud.

Nobody got hurt, so we used a couple hours of court time. What's the harm?

tell you the harm.

Apart from getting you disbarred, it could ruin the reputation of this firm.

You're overreacting, Leland.

He is not overreacting. What you did was unethical and probably illegal.

We're talking about one stupid little hearing.

This money is completely unearned and it's going back.

Leland, that money has been very earned.

For a hundred grand, the producers bought themselves over a million dollars

worth of advertising.

This could turn a fledgling replacement series into a five -year hit. This money

is tainted, and as head of this firm, it's my decision not to accept it. As a

partner, I say you have no right to do that.

Well, it's too late.

I've already voted.

Ah, darn it, Leland.

Maybe I should give you my resignation.

Only if you really mean it, because that I might not tear up.

Have you gone nuts? Look.

Technically, Jack Sealing instructed me to bring that action. It is not

incumbent upon the lawyer to flesh out the motives of his client. Come on,

Arnie. You're a player in a scam here. A completely harmless one where nobody

gets hurt, and more importantly, nobody gets caught. That's not the point, and

you know it. It is the point, Michael.

Everybody around here is worried about the firm's exposure. I'm telling you,

there is none. Our concern is the dishonesty, Arnie. Hey, look.

I could have kept the big fee for myself, paid the firm my hourly rate,

nobody would have been the wiser, but I didn't.

Because fundamentally, I am not dishonest.

Fundamentally, I do care about the people around here.

I'm telling you, this is a huge inroad to entertainment law for us, an entire

new practice.

And I'm telling you that we don't want it that bad.

Thank you very much for all of the support.

But since nobody elected you moral guardian...

Why don't you just go to your preaching someplace else?

You really don't get this, do you?

Benny, there's someone named Ivy here to see you.

Ivy?

What does she want?

She didn't say.

I still have a lot of work to do here.

Benny, you have a visitor.

Nobody will mind if you take a few minutes off.

Hi,

Benny.

What are you doing here? I brought you some cookies.

Thank you.

Are you coming to the center tonight?

I don't know.

I want you to.

I said I don't know.

I have to get back to work. Can I help?

No, you have to go.

I have to get back to work right now.

Maybe I can wait here.

No, you can't.

And I don't like you coming here.

I'm sorry.

I'm not allowed to have people like you coming here.

You have to go.

I'll get into trouble.

You have to go.

Right now.

Just a few questions, Ms. Kelsey.

On direct examination, you told Mr. DeBente that the man who robbed you wore

mustache, neatly groomed.

Correct. And you're quite sure of that?

Positive.

Your husband testified yesterday that he couldn't remember a mustache.

Now, is it your testimony, under oath, that he's... mistaken?

No. You also told the police that the man wore a blue blazer, and your husband

said it was green.

It was blue.

Well, tell me, Ms. Kelsey.

Is it your experience of your husband that he's not a very keen observer?

No. Well, then who's right and who's wrong? Or are you talking about two

different blazers?

If you'll let me answer the question.

First of all, you're talking about details.

Both of us saw the same man.

Yes, but aren't appearances made up of details?

Of course, but you're asking me to characterize my husband as incompetent.

no, I am asking if the robber wore a blue blazer.

Asked and answered. Are you now making objections as well as answering the

questions? What color was the blazer, Ms. Kelsey?

Blue. Thank you. No further questions.

Prosecution rests, Your Honor. The defense calls Robert Alden.

Your excuse, Ms. Kelsey.

Mr. Alden, how are you presently employed?

I drive a limousine.

And how long have you been doing that? Three years, sir.

I show you a gold Rolex watch.

And I ask you if you recognize it.

I do.

Now, did you ever rob anyone at gunpoint in order to procure this watch?

God, no.

No, the truth is, I bought that watch from a guy on the street.

I don't know if you're familiar with the limousine business, but a driver spends

a lot of time outside restaurants, places like that.

Well, you're vulnerable to a lot of street people, hustlers.

Anyway, this guy told me he had a Rolex watch for sale.

And you agreed to buy it? Well, I was sure it was a knockoff. He was asking

for it. I know I should have known better.

And I feel terrible that I played any part in these people's misfortune.

This man, had you ever seen him before?

Never, nor since.

And what happened next?

Well, I wore the watch for a couple of days and...

One of the guys at the garage saw it and told me it looked like a real Rolex,

that I should have it appraised. He sent me over to a friend of his.

And that would be Mr. Webb?

Right. And Mr.

Webb told me how valuable the watch was.

So, all of a sudden, I'm standing there with this incredibly valuable timepiece,

and Mr.

Webb asks me if I'd take $3 ,500 for it.

He could have knocked me flat at that point.

Did it ever occur to you that you might be trafficking and stolen merchandise?

No, sir.

Not until the cops came to the garage and arrested me.

I know I exercise bad judgment, but I am not a criminal.

I've never been in trouble in my life.

Maybe I could have done a little better if you hadn't made such a poor

foundation. Oh, it's my fault.

Let's just say you didn't help the situation.

And you did.

I didn't say that.

Let's just drop it, okay? Me? You're the one who brought it up. I said I'd read

and I did good.

Fine.

Thanks.

Knows how to dish it out, doesn't know how to take it.

That's what that's supposed to mean.

I mean, what's the point of giving it back?

What's it prove?

Exactly.

It'll just go back in the corporate coffer.

Exactly.

And with the publicity we're getting, it's a drop in the ocean.

If you think you're getting publicity now, just wait till I put Jack Sealing

the stand.

Front page.

That's a good shot.

You play your part, and he plays his.

There's no way this stays in the entertainment section.

By the way...

It's not true, is it?

What?

The two of you had an affair. It went sour, and you paid him back by putting

in a dress and a pair of pantyhose.

Are you kidding?

You know I'd never get involved with an actor.

Money aside, Arnie, I really am in your debt.

And if we're finished here now, I'd like to discuss a payment schedule on the

ride home.

Let me make a quick trip to the little boy's room.

Arnold Becker?

Yes? I'm Special Investigator Hamill. This is Detective Miller.

We're attached to the Entertainment Fraud Division of the District

Office. You're under arrest.

What? You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to an

Well, hold on, hold on.

There must be some sort of mistake here. What are the charges?

Pertaining to your action, sealing versus Steinmetz Needham Productions,

fraudulent use of legal process, conspiracy to commit fraud against a

state court.

Oh, God.

You're going to have to come with us, sir.

Assume the position.

Come on.

Assume the position. Lighten up, Leo. Let the guy zip his pants up for God's

sake. Guys, please, just give me this one break here.

I mean, where am I going? I'll surrender myself tomorrow, I swear. Just... If

you let me walk out of here right now, I'll owe you forever.

Can't do it, Ace. Just hold it, Leo. Hold it.

You're like a well -known divorce attorney, right?

Right.

I don't know, Leo. Maybe this guy can help me out.

Are you getting a divorce?

Yeah. Look, I could handle this for you. I'll bury her. She'll never know what

hit her.

Don't cuff him, Leo. This guy's going to save my bacon.

Look, we let you go tonight.

You present yourself tomorrow morning, 11 a .m. sharp, at the Office of Special

Investigations. You be there.

I swear I don't like it. Come on, Leo. Where else am I going to find a shark

like this to handle my divorce?

Okay, but I'm doing this for you, not this creep.

God bless you. God bless you both.

Tomorrow, 11 sharp.

Be there. Or I swear... I will. Yeah, I will. I will.

Okay, counselor.

I don't expect you to understand this.

My life has just turned to crap.

What's going on?

Tell him, Arnold.

Last night, two cops working at the DA's office tried to arrest me.

What for?

Fraudulent use of process, conspiracy to commit a fraud. They found out the

whole story about Jack Sealing and consenting adults.

Michael, I've got to surrender myself at 11 o 'clock this morning. You've got to

go down there with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, I'll go with you.

I mean, I know, I know that I brought this on myself. You sure as hell did.

brought it on all of us. I know, I know, and I'm sorry, but...

But can't we go down there and explain it away as a mistaken judgment? We'll

that I've been under stress, that I've been taking painkillers.

I'll get into therapy, Michael. I'll do anything.

Why don't we wait and see what we're up against first?

Yeah. Truthfully, I think you're overreacting just a little bit.

You think so? Oh, absolutely.

I mean, hey, what's the worst case scenario here? I don't know.

A year.

A year?

Well, minimum security, full library, visiting privileges, the works. Whoa!

You're saying that they could put me in jail for a year?

Well, wait a minute. That's the worst -case scenario.

The truth is, well, I think that payment of a fine and permanent disbarment will

be more than enough for them.

What am I going to do? I mean, I've just screwed up my entire life then.

Wait a minute. Did Hamill tell you to bring a toothbrush?

No one even told me to take it.

How did you know that his name was Hamill?

Oh, you bastard.

This was a practical joke.

And flawlessly executed.

And you let me sweat this out all night? Michael, take a look at my eyes. They

are totally popped. Plus, which, do you know what this kind of stress does to my

system? Five days from now, I will be looking at a high colonic.

Leland, were you in on this?

No. No, I wasn't.

And I don't personally think this is a fit topic for jokes.

Well, at least, thank God, it's over.

Not quite yet.

What time are you due in court?

I'm sorry.

All right, let's get on with it. Mr. Becker, will you get your guy up here?

I am warning everybody, no more outbursts.

Your Honor, this time I move to withdraw the plaintiff's application for a

temporary restraining order.

After a closer scrutiny of the facts and legal precedents, I cannot represent in

good faith to the court that the circumstances justify prior restraint.

Are you kidding?

After two days of honking like a goose, now you say, never mind? I don't think a

TRO is warranted, Judge, and I see no reason to take up additional court time

with my client's testimony.

I don't believe this.

Well, since you readily admit that your motion is untenable, I am ordering your

client to pay defendant's attorney fees in this matter, and I am assessing court

costs against your firm in the amount of $5 ,000.

Maybe that will encourage you to take a closer scrutiny of the facts before

wasting two days of my time.

That's all.

Counsel, waive closing arguments.

Yes, Your Honor.

Mr. Alden, based on the shaky witness identification presented in this case, I

did not find the evidence exist to support the people's case of armed

Now, with regard to the lesser charge of receiving stolen property, I'm afraid

I'm going to have to find you guilty.

Sentencing date set, two weeks hence.

I will tell you, sir, to put you at ease.

Assuming a clean probation report, I doubt if you'll be doing any jail time.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Just don't buy any more stolen watches.

We're adjourned.

Stuart,

Anne. Look, I just wanted to say no hard feelings.

That's really big of you.

Hey, wait a minute. Look, I know what you're thinking, but this is not about

hurting anybody, okay?

It's about economic privation.

Come on, Anne. Whoa, wait a minute.

You got something to say to us? Then tell us what you did with my wife's

engagement ring.

Can you read my mind or something?

Come here.

I know that ring has a lot of sentimental value to you, but truth is,

are a depreciating asset.

I'd be surprised if I could get half of what you people paid for it. Great. Give

it back.

I'd be delighted to.

But I need certain considerations.

You want me to buy back the ring you stole from her?

Either that or a workout as well.

What kind of workout?

The gold Rolex.

He wants the watch.

Forget it.

Stuart.

Come on, man.

I don't want to do business with this greaseball. Stuart, I want my ring back.

And remember where the watch came from.

Um, okay.

Good for you, Stuart.

A happy ending.

I'll call you to work out at Swap.

Gracie. Hi.

What are you doing here?

I've been doing things domestic.

Huh? Such as?

Shopping. We're eating dinner home tonight.

Bottle of Chardonnay?

That was in 1985.

That's right.

Two salmon filets, a little angel have pasta, a little fresh pesto, tapered

candles. It's the perfect yuppie dinner for two.

Oh, Gracie, I love you so much.

The dessert comes after dinner, buddy.

Michael, no kidding. I have had the best day doing nothing.

Sleeping late, window shopping, thinking.

Thinking.

And don't let this get around, but I even waxed the kitchen floor and loved

every minute of it.

Oh, no. Should I call the doctor? No, no. I mean, maybe tomorrow or next week

next month I will be bored out of my skull.

But right now, the thought of living under your roof, cooking your dinner,

there for you when you get home and listening to your problems instead of my

own, it's very appealing.

I might even take up laundry.

Be still, my heart.

No, you have to work.

No, no, stay.

What time will you be home?

I don't know, 7, 7 .30, about that.

Okay.

Don't be late.

I love you, Bluebell.

I love you.

What the hell was that in court today, Becker? I owe you an explanation.

You owe me more than that.

You pulled the plug before the payoff.

Come on, Jamie, the plan worked.

The show's been in the newspapers every day for a week. What about the lover's

quarrel in open court?

Barring war or assassination, we had the lead story on the evening news, coast

to coast.

We were in line to do a 35 rating with a 50 share.

So instead you'll do a 25 rating with a 40 share. You're writing off 10 of my

rating points so that you can be a Boy Scout?

That's nearly 9 million viewing households.

What I was doing was wrong.

I was ready to be splayed naked across every checkout counter and every

supermarket in America for the good of this show.

All I can think of right now is you cost me the cover of People magazine.

I'm sorry, Jamie.

But whatever else I am, I have to be legitimate.

Benny, I'd like to talk to you about what happened yesterday.

Are you mad at me?

I'm pretty disappointed in you.

What about?

Ivy.

She came here to see you yesterday and you hurt her feelings.

You said I wouldn't like everybody I went out on a date with.

Not liking somebody doesn't mean you can hurt them.

She doesn't understand about things.

What things?

Things.

She's not as smart as I am.

You don't treat people decently because they're smart, Benny.

You do it because they're people.

Benny, I want you to think about something.

And I want you to think about it very hard.

Do you remember those kids who snatched your cap on the bus?

Yeah.

They called you dummy.

They called you retard.

They said to themselves that you weren't as smart as they were.

So it was okay to be cruel to you. And it was okay to make you cry.

They were wrong, Benny.

It wasn't okay, was it?

He's late.

He'll show up.

I'm freezing.

Stuart. Ann, hi. Sorry I'm late.

Well, uh, should we do it?

Here's the ring. You got the watch?

Freeze!

You're busted. What?

Yeah, the ride remains silent.

You have the right to an attorney. I know my right, for God's sake. I went to

law school. You can't do this. Jeopardy's attached.

Yeah, try again, smartass.

Try perjury. What?

You lied at your trial. That's a two -year hitch.

Oh, I'm very disappointed.

I trusted you people.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're okay.

You know, you're too good a lawyer to go squandering your talents on cheap

theatrics.

You're too good a practical joker to be squandering your talent on law.

You got me.

You want to have dinner with me and Gracie? I can give her a call. No.

No, thanks. I got a date.

See you tomorrow.

What are you still doing here?

Lightening up.

But the building has people to do that.

I just thought I'd help out so they don't have to stay so late.

You have a good heart, Benny.

Thanks, Arnie.

So... How's the love life?

I don't have one, Arnie.

I don't understand girls.

Tell me about it.

Well, they want stuff, but they don't tell you what.

You have to guess at it.

Sounds like you understand them just fine.

Do you know what they want?

Everything.

Love, attention, lots of money, sex.

Girls scare me, Arnie.

They're different from us.

Vive la différence, mon frere.

Vinnie?

If you're about done in here, how about you and me go get a little bite to eat?

Great.