Original subtitles

Hello, yes? Yeah, it's me.

Hello, dear.

Well, 8:00 p.m., as usual.

No, no, nothing special.

Okay, no later. Kisses. See you soon.

Like every year for the past 18 years, she's gonna surprise me

by taking me to a restaurant to celebrate my birthday,

and, as always, I'll pretend to be surprised.

Ah, happiness is the sleeping pill of love.

That's why you haven't been sleeping since your wife left you?

Not at all. I'm training myself to get up every three hours,

I open my eyes, and have my little senior-age bottle.

I don't know how you put up with your wife and her guy living in your house,

in your bed, while you sleep in the guest room.

Ah, there's been a new development in the past two days,

'cause her lover no longer considers me a friend at all.

So I sleep in the garage.

You tell me. It saves me half an hour of sleep because when I wake up,

I'm already in the car.

For his 40th birthday, being with his best school friends--

he's not expecting that. He's gonna be--

That's a great idea.

But are you sure he suspects nothing?

He'll think that, like every year, my daughter's taking him to the restaurant.

He's going to be so happy to see you.

I sure hope so. I came up from Abidjan, so...

The last time we were all together, Julian and Pauline hadn't been born yet.

Obviously, it was for their wedding.

I can't breathe. I'm going to pass out.

Ah, damn! Wait. Well, I have over 20 years of getting dressed...

My father will be here in about 15 minutes.

This ability of civil servants, it depresses me. Really.

Julien, what are you doing?

Oh! Sorry.

Exciting, social success, isn't it?

Let us know as soon as your father crosses the bridge.

When we were young,

François had more ambition, more vision than any of us.

And in the end, we bust our asses in the private sector,

while he's a civil servant in telecoms.

He's happy like that...

and so am I. Excuse me.

He's coming. Go tell them to hurry up.

Dad's coming!

We're here, we're here!

We're here!

There you are.

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry!

Position yourselves just like in the picture.

Like this, like this.

François.

Hello, you've reached my car, but I'm not here at the moment.

You can leave a message after the beep.

Well, it's too bad for you that you're on the answering machine.

It's bad for your career.

What's the color?

Green, green light for Operation Remora.

Cut the crap, Einstein.

The countdown's begun.

Oh, no, not tonight! Damn it!

Well, you're not 20, you're 40, so get over here.

Hello?

Honey, it's me. I'm gonna be a little late tonight.

Oh, no, not tonight!

What can I say? The Ministry of the Interior's switchboard goes down whenever it wants.

How long will it take?

- One hour, two at most. - All right. I'll wait for you.

Listen, it's not my fault that I'm on duty.

All right, see you later.

That was François. He won't be here for at least an hour.

Why tonight, of all nights?

The customer is king. For your birthday he's organizing a little surprise at the top.

- That's so nice of him, right? - Fantastic.

There's a mechanic watching the cars in the parking lot over there.

So he'll park your carriage for you. Royal!

Cars are coming from the Saint-Cloud bridge.

They're getting onto the West Highway.

Copy that. Hurry up.

Forty's a big deal, damn it.

I get it.

For my 40th birthday,

we threw a party, and that went south, too.

To be fair, my wife was feeling down because her guy had really dumped her.

Ah, she was so miserable, poor thing, she even forgot to buy the cake.

Since I didn't have candles to blow out,

I went out and I hit 40 bars.

Five minutes, huh?

Everything's in place.

It's up to you now. Good luck.

Copy that. He's on his way.

Yeah, it's good, it's clear.

There's nothing to get out of these idiots. I've had enough. We're leaving.

Hello?

François. François, reconnect your thing. I can't hear you.

Oh, what are you doing?

- Albert, I've got two tough guys on my ass. - Where are you?

In the forest, idiot. Come pick me up.

Don't move. I need to locate you first.

Guys, business is picking up.

Hold it!

Albert...

- I've got you in my sights. - You're not the only one.

Tell Helen that maybe I loved her badly, but I did love her.

Don't mess around, I'm coming.

Too late.

Oh, you're heavy as hell!

Nobody move!

Relax, it's me, idiot!

No injuries?

Have you ever thought about giving up drinking?

What for?

One more drink and I would've been a goner.

Ah, and what do we say? Thank you, Ricard.

Oh, oh, are you really complaining about a little scratch?

What do I tell my wife?

- That you love her. - No, about my injury.

It was a work accident.

Ah, you're right! Of course! We all work shirtless at telecoms.

No problem.

You're getting grumpier as you get older, I swear.

Be careful. Help me out here.

Yeah, that's it.

Those who age poorly age alone.

Happy birthday, old man.

Anybody there?

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear François ♪

- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ - No way. It's Gérard.

Paul, the man with love handles, has become a love pillow.

And a mattress of dollars. Happy birthday, old man!

Thanks, old man.

Vincent?

Oh!

- Oh! How long have you been wearing glasses? - A month.

- You know the old Burgundy saying? - No.

Hello glasses, goodbye manhood.

- That's Gérard? - Bingo.

The glasses have been there awhile.

And that should be Philippe,

but that's impossible, he lives in Abidjan.

Yeah, but D'Artagnan's 40th is sacred.

- You came all the way here just for this? - Of course, but let me tell you,

your wife is a real fairy godmother.

The five musketeers-- you couldn't have made me happier.

- What's wrong? - Just a work accident.

Einstein with a soldering iron. Not exactly a handyman.

The life of a civil servant is more dangerous than you'd think.

Not knowing how, for your birthday,

To properly honor you,

After much effort, we settled on alexandrines

To pay tribute to you, O François Voisin.

Once a student, now an old twig.

Together again, let's celebrate your 40 years.

Married to Helen, and she's not bad-looking.

You've got two kids now, and a mother-in-law to boot.

That's why, François, full of great ambitions,

You've ended up hiding out in telecommunications.

The power, the glory, and the bonuses, you can have it all.

Forget the routine,

Join us in the private sector.

One... two... three!

Bravo for the musketeers. I didn't see it coming.

If only you paid attention to what's around you at this party.

Oh, yeah?

You were amazing, as always.

- Amazing. I'm amazing. - Yes.

Your friends are amazing, too.

They've really made successful lives.

Ah, yes.

Thanks to François's bugging of Sarkis's vehicle...

we were able to establish his involvement in the trafficking of sophisticated weapons...

intended for terrorist groups.

So, going through all your surveillance, tailing, and wiretaps...

I know everything about Sarkis-- how he eats, how he sleeps, how he screws.

But in all these thousands of pages...

there's nothing that actually helps me move forward.

Who is his French contact? Where and when do they meet?

I get that Sarkis is careful, but...

either he's really, really good, or you're really, really bad.

He's tough, boss.

I'll give you 48 hours to find his damned contact.

And if this mission really is too hard...

I'll hand it over to a competent team. Got it?

You're dismissed.

François.

Yes, boss.

Twice a week, Sarkis visits a call girl.

Vannesa.

They're all called Vanessa.

We've identified her. Clodiklos.

According to the wiretap report, she's not cheap.

5,000 francs.

I hope for that price, she gives you the full service.

Mission expenses.

François, how long have you been married?

Eighteen years, boss.

In my opinion, tonight you're gonna learn some new things.

And all on the government's dime. Lucky guy.

This is Vanessa. I'm not here, but you can leave a message.

Go ahead, speak.

Hello, Vanessa.

I'm calling on behalf of a mutual friend.

He spoke so highly of you that I really wanted to meet you.

- Well... I'll call you back, then. - What's your friend's name?

Uh, I'd rather not say his name...

over the phone. You understand?

Again, between us, we call him the Baron.

Isn't he traveling right now?

I saw him two days ago in New York.

And when I told him I was coming to Paris,

he said I absolutely had to meet his friend Vanessa...

that I wouldn't regret the visit.

Ah, if you're recommended by the Baron...

Weston loafers. Shoes are the key.

That's what women like her notice first.

Dubreuil underwear-- no skimping on price.

Silk Hermès, cashmere jacket.

I bet she'll run her hand down your back to check.

So, you know a lot about hookers, huh?

What I know about 5,000-franc whores, I learned from books...

because my "soul nurses" charge me 200 francs.

These papers are in the name of Michel Gobain's.

Industrialist from Angoulême.

Your whole life is in here, torn between France.

We even threw in a Paris-New York round-trip ticket-- on the Concorde, of course.

Reason for the mission?

A hooker. Contacting a hooker.

If their rates keep rising like this, I'm changing careers.

- Hello. - Hello.

Did you have any trouble finding parking?

I only travel by taxis when in Paris. Otherwise, I get lost.

You travel a lot, don't you?

I split my time between New York and Angoulême.

I don't know Angoulême.

Ah, it's not as lively as New York

- Can I get you something to drink? - No, thanks.

You know my rates?

Drinks are included in the price.

Help yourself.

I'll get changed. I'll be right back.

Do like me and make yourself comfortable.

Yeah.

The bathroom's at the end, on the right.

Hurry up. I'm waiting.

Yeah.

- Ah, finally! - Hey, darling. How's it going, Pauline?

You could have called.

Mom made a leg of lamb. It's going to be overcooked.

I don't like it too rare anyway.

Like that downed switchboard?

But you know, the more advanced the tech, the more failures.

Julien, dinner!

You ready, Einstein?

Okay, transmitting.

42, 45, 30, 30.

So?

"Quick Troubleshooting." I'm listening.

My TV just broke down.

No problem, ma'am, we'll be by. Our contract says we have to.

Will Friday work?

Three days? But your ad says you fix things within the hour.

Ah, the ad says whatever it wants. We in tech support do what we can.

I can't go three days without TV. I'm stuck at home all day

Oh. Lucky for you, you have a sexy voice.

I'll put you down for tomorrow.

I promise if you come today...

you won't regret it.

Well, let me check my schedule...

It's tricky. I'd have to bump two clients.

Yes, I love that.

What's your address?

Almost done, ma'am.

Checking the horizontal alignment.

Perfect.

And now, the vertical alignment.

Mm-hmm.

Ah, yes. Good.

Perfect.

- Uh, the bill. - Thank you.

That's expensive per hour, huh?

Oh, yeah. I have a four-year degree just to fix something like this.

Education is expensive. Maybe I can do 50% for you.

One hundred percent.

In exchange, trade.

Call me old-fashioned, but I love my wife.

- Ah! - Fifty percent, cash?

Thanks.

Normally the guys don't like being stuck in the van,

but now they're all volunteers.

- It's like Canal+, huh? - But with fewer subscribers.

- Only one interests me. - Here we go.

There's Sarkis.

Go on.

- Who's that? - A guy named Beauvais.

He nearly drove us crazy.

We couldn't figure out how he got in or out of the building without being seen.

Turns out, he lives on the 4th floor.

When he meets Sarkis, he just takes the elevator up three floors.

- Not bad. - Foolproof.

And surprise, surprise, Beauvais works for a missile company.

Good.

Albert, nice work on the setup.

Thanks, Chief, but what I really want to show you--

Well, forget that.

Retrieve the camera.

- You want coffee? - Sure.

Hey, don't mess up the seats, all right?

Uncle François's car.

My little Pinpin, gimme that.

So, there.

Open your big blue eyes. What you're about to see isn't just a gadget.

It's genius. Check this out.

A hidden camera in the collar, okay?

Now look at this.

What does this little circuit do? What's it going to do for us?

It's going to give us beautiful images

with this mini VHS

accompanied by this wonderful cassette,

and we'll be able to watch an animal documentary

for the delight of all ages: "The Ballad of Pinpin."

There you go. Look at that.

Coffee?

- Brilliant! - Well, of course it's brilliant,

I made it.

In the end, Pinpin isn't the best cameraman, but he does all right...

- for a dog. - And here's Pinpin.

- Hello, Pinpin. - She's saying hello to the dog.

She's saying hello to the dog.

- Oh, yes, that's your room? Yep. - Uh-huh.

Ah, it's a shame we're too late. Hello, ma'am.

Hello, you.

Do you still find me attractive? Or am I ready for the animal shelter?

Truly fine ladies.

Oh, what a lady!

Don't blame me.

- It's incredible. - It looks like something from Kubrick.

It's simple.

- There. - Look at your kid.

- Wait, what's he doing? - He's so chill.

- I don't believe it! - Impossible.

- That's your jacket? - It's my jacket!

That's my wallet-- my 200 francs!

That's it. I'm stopping. I need to know.

- Whoa! - Play it again, rewind that.

- He took 200 francs from me! - No way.

Damn! Someone's been stealing from me for a month.

At first I thought it was my wife's lover,

'cause that guy always needs money. Always.

Well, no, it's your little brat. You bastard. Anyway, you owe me 300 francs.

- Oh, easy, now! Where are you going? - You want your money back?

Well?

He hasn't been to school for a month.

Kids are 15 seconds of pleasure and 30 years of headaches.

He's stealing money, skipping school... What the hell is he up to?

Like all teens, he's probably on drugs.

Julien? No way. Not him.

The real issue isn't that he's using...

it's that he shouldn't be getting the bad stuff.

There's some really nasty stuff circulating right now.

Three-quarters of overdoses are from bad junk.

So, you need to make sure he gets the good stuff.

I've got a friend in Narcotics. I can hook you up.

Come on, stop it. I'd know if he were using.

Well, let's just hope he hasn't turned gay, too.

Some guys hustle to make cash.

- Would you like more? - Thank you.

- Honey? - Mm-hmm?

Julien needs us to increase his credit limit.

What?

Given his math results, I think we'll have to go through with it.

Dad, if I want to succeed in life, I first have to succeed in my studies.

These private lessons aren't cheap, but...

they're worth it.

My match teacher's a really nice friend who's willing to give me 50% off.

In exchange for what?

I don't know. He must have appreciated that I'm making an effort.

Yeah, sure.

Julien!

Yeah, Dad?

- You haven't been to school for a month. - Three weeks.

I imagine you have a good reason?

The best-- it bores me.

You still need to graduate, right?

For what, to end up like you?

Stuck in a dead-end government job,

with a boring little life? No, thanks.

And what do you do all day?

If you want to know, follow me.

In the end, for the tailing test, we got screwed.

Especially you.

And Julien? That makes for long days for him.

Yeah.

He really wants his diploma.

- Getting him to study was really-- - Mom...

Listen, when you were sixteen, all you wanted to do was go out.

Hey!

Enjoy your meal.

- Thank you. - Hey.

How's it going, dear? Not too tired?

I'm fine.

Oh, I need to remember to call your teachers.

- I didn't tell you? - No.

I went to the school yesterday. They're unanimous.

Students like him...

with such determination,

such drive for their studies...

there should be more of them.

Tell me, your little slacker's really making a fool of you.

Damn!

The kid's got some nerve, huh?

- Car 2, from The Sword. Car 2. - Car 2, copy.

The hare cut across the fields. He's on Local Road 12.

He should reach County Road 27 soon.

Okay, we're on it.

The hare is in sight.

He's crossing the road.

He's taking the same local road.

What do we do? Follow him?

No, no, wait for instructions.

No. He's heading toward County Road 19.

Car 3 from The Sword. Car 3.

Car 3, copy.

Head to the intersection of County Roads 19 and 23.

The hare should be coming your way.

Roger that.

If he turns left...

Car 3 here. The Sword, respond.

- Yes, I read you. - We're in position.

Car 3, no hare in sight.

He turned left. Your Car 4 is too far.

He tricked you again.

Condor, from The Sword. Condor, from The Sword.

- This is Condor, copy. - Your turn.

Sword to Condor. I have the hare in sight. He's heading toward the Seine.

Okay. Call Car 4, and both of you keep him in sight until the end.

We're getting out of here and heading over.

Okay, got it.

So?

He's in there.

- What's he doing? - You'll see.

No, no, no. No, no. Not storms, storms.

Rap, guys, with more energy.

Terminator! X-Men!

Okay, let's go.

And one. And one, two, three.

- Fayed, don't mess around. - Ah!

Shall we check all this out?

- What are you, man? - No, just postal employees.

We have registered letters for you, but we need your IDs to give them to you.

You, follow me.

Come on, let's show Uncle Albert those nice pictures.

Ah, yep.

Too bad you're not as good at math as you are at rock

It's rap.

Yeah, but it's still good.

How did you find me here?

I passed by, heard rapping, and walked in.

You're making fun of me.

And what's up with the gun?

This?

It's Albert's.

He's paranoid, afraid some old lady will snatch his handbag.

It's an alarm thing.

You're really messing with me.

Oh, well, I would have never dared to talk to my father like that.

I would've been too afraid he'd slap me back.

Your grandfather looked like a fool, but he was actually an extraordinary man.

He was violent, huh?

The first time he slapped me, I deserved it.

I had skipped school for at least three days

And the other times?

If I hadn't gone back to school, I think he could have killed me.

And there's another thing he wouldn't have tolerated...

That my mother could suffer because of my teenage stupidity.

Your mother is more fragile than a mirror.

Here. It's a fax from the Intelligence Division.

You've got the profile of all your birds.

That's from Julien. As for the rest, he needs more time.

Oh, but what a gift, huh? Stop this nonsense.

Today he keeps having fun,

but tomorrow he resets everything and goes back to school.

You've got a good kid.

For your information, Boris the bassist skims a little off the top,

and your manager, he likes little boys.

I know that, but how do you know it?

Telecom. Fast communication is our business

See you tonight.

And don't come home too late. Your mother worries.

About my son...

See? All wrong. He's neither a junkie nor gay.

Don't you worry, that'll come. Where to now?

To the town hall.

I can't marry you, I'm not divorced yet.

- Hello, Mr. Voisin. Looking for Helen? - Yes.

- She's putting books away in the back. - Thanks.

Hold on, I'll put her on. Helen, it's your Simon again.

Thank you.

Hello?

Right now?

All right, on my way.

I'll be back in about an hour.

For her to be at his beck and call like that...

That Simon must do more than just make her dream.

You, you look troubled.

My wife has a lover.

Welcome to the club.

Helen has a lover, I can feel it.

Ugh! But...

I know, people always say it only happens to others.

It's not possible, Helen.

Your wife is like any other.

Honestly, with how calm she always seems,

- It surprised me. - It's not possible.

But that guy, it's simple. He's just there for the fun.

Look, take my wife.

Uh, I've been waiting for, what, 20 years for her to come back down to earth.

Tell me, who is this guy ringing her bell?

I don't know. I only heard his first name-- Simon.

That's not much to go on.

Well, for me, when I look for my wife's guy,

I just go home and find him there.

Would you shut up for a bit, huh?

Oh, no. You've been making fun of mine for 30 years.

It's us again.

To think that you, an intelligence officer...

you who know everything about everyone...

you even know the size of the Montchoubikestan ambassador's dick.

And yet, you know nothing about your own home. That's the best part

Your son, who ran away from school.

Your wife, who's got the hots for someone else.

Your mother-in-law, who might be turning tricks in the woods.

- Tell me, your little girl-- - Shut up!

I made you a pork roast with salsify.

You'll love it.

I heard you stopped by the library to see me.

Just to say hello. I was in the area.

We must have just missed each other,

but I needed to step out to see a bookbinder.

Because ours raised their prices,

and our budget got cut, so I need to find another one.

That's not the kind of thing you can do over the phone, huh?

Ah, well, no.

Ah, no, you have to see the quality of the work

before making a decision.

Ah, no, but people don't realize how important it is.

Bookbinding is...

what determines a book's lifespan.

I forgot the mustard.

You didn't say anything to Mom.

- Was I talking to you? - Papa.

What's the matter?

You got something you wanna say?

François.

Yes, boss.

Yesterday...

you were on surveillance with your team?

- Affirmative. - Was the helicopter necessary?

In the middle of the countryside.

Write up a report. Let's move on.

Meeting in 15 minutes.

- Wiretap Helen immediately. - Excuse me?

Wiretap Helen at her office and at home.

You need a written order from the boss.

Just add her number to the list the boss already signed off on.

That's not legal.

Am I legal? Are you legal?

Are all your dirty tricks legal?

We're drowning in illegality 24/7, so spare me your moral crisis.

Her number.

A few hours ago,

a truck left a factory in the Paris region.

Officially, it's carrying

oil research equipment headed for Greece.

In reality, it's carrying missiles

bound for a country in the Middle East,

and delivered in kit form by our friend Sarkis.

As soon as it crosses the border,

you'll blow it all up.

Gentlemen, it's your play.

Thanks.

- Hello? - Hello, Helen? It's Simon.

Hello.

Wednesday, 2:00 p.m. at the tavern.

- But Simon, I have to-- - Me, too!

I have to hang up.

I can't wait for Wednesday.

Hello?

Hold on, let me check.

Oh, you're right, I do have it.

Okay, I'll bring it to you.

It's Albert. I forgot to leave him an urgent file.

I'm heading down. He's out front.

It can't be.

When you're done, throw it over. I'll pick it up tomorrow morning.

This is gonna take most of night.

I know how it is.

When my wife did this to me for the first time, I was a wreck.

Then I got used to it.

Red notebook...

eyelashes...

- pills... - Pills.

capsules.

Glasses.

Pencil.

Wait.

Ah, it's good.

Okay, when you're done, sew it back into the bottom of the bag.

Put the items back in place,

check with the video recording, huh?

- Thank you. - Okay.

You weren't followed?

No. I turned around several times like you taught me,

but no one was there.

Risking my life is normal. It's my job.

But yours? No. That wouldn't be fair.

You must have been worried, not hearing from me these past few days.

Yes.

Where did you disappear to?

I've been on missions where coming out alive was a miracle.

But this time, I came back from hell.

Worse than Baghdad?

Baghdad was a vacation in comparison.

You know how to read between the lines in newspapers?

Yes.

When a minor news story hides foreign policy?

A truck explodes in a parking lot in Italy.

That was you?

You recognized my signature.

What was in that truck?

Even whispered on a pillow, I couldn't tell you.

You know you can trust me completely.

Funny you say that...

because knowing a woman was thinking of me...

is what made me jump with three of my men on the target.

- By parachute? - And in the middle of the night.

But no problem, it's not even worth mentioning.

What happened?

Rocket launcher negotiations that turned into a massacre.

I lost two of men.

But it could have been worse.

What was in that truck?

All I can say is...

is that democracy and world stability were hanging by a thread.

My purse!

Thief!

No. Your papers first.

You're going to give that back nicely to the lady.

Aren't I speaking French?

Now, go run back immediately. I'll keep your friend here.

Get going, damn it!

Let's go.

It was my buddy who screwed up.

Everything's here, you can check.

This is yours.

- Should I still call the police? - Get going.

No, no, Mr. Vallée, I'll manage.

Nothing with you ever happens normally.

I need to get back to the library.

We'll see each other again when I come back... if I come back.

- Where are you going this time? - Classified.

You'll read about it in your favorite newspaper.

Goodbye.

How long have you been with us, François?

Fifteen years, boss.

And you didn't know Le Moine?

A great guy.

Well, one day, I don't remember why, he...

got interested in a neighbor, and he got hooked.

Three months later, he wanted to trap the whole world.

- He'd gone mad. - Don't worry, boss, my head's just fine.

You're a great asset,

and, you know, we've never fired anyone.

I know you keep or you fire.

I'd like to keep you around for a long time, François.

You're dismissed.

Dear...

did you have a good day?

Oh, the usual. And you?

Oh, nothing special, either.

If this isn't happiness, it must be close to it.

Yeah, so true.

Sometimes don't you feel like...

I don't know, making a change?

Starting a new life?

For what?

To break the routine. Just like that.

People always think it's better elsewhere.

If it's worse, we come back.

Helen...

Why don't you move into the private sector?

Are you that bored with me?

But don't you want us to recapture our youth?

- I don't feel old. - Me, neither.

I don't want to live like an old woman.

What more can I offer you than what I already have?

Nothing.

Hello, my dear. I'm in Beirut,

in a quaint little refreshment bar.

An incredible mission!

I'll tell you all about it if I live.

Don't cry, my kitten.

The French rooster will fight to the death.

My dear, I have to hang up.

There's a guy coming toward me. I'm not sure he means well.

There's a guy eyeing the Eldorado for the past 15 minutes.

It's gonna be a rough night.

In the meantime, go show this pigeon the Eldorado.

- Go. - Consider it done.

She wants you, too! Can't you feel her vibrate?

Come on, give her a try. Go on!

Ah, the moment she sees you jump in like that,

she knows that, by the first red light, she's in for it.

Here we go!

Not ideal for the road, but that's not what she's made for.

No.

She's fully programmed to take the big ones directly...

from the club to the bed.

I had a blast with her. I've broken in plenty.

Why are you getting rid of her?

I like change in all things. I take, I toss.

Can we try the highway?

No problem.

Take it easy on the speed,

'cause these old American cars are like young French women-- they heat up fast!

Ah! We need to stop. I have to make a call.

We can grab a bite while we're at it.

It's my treat...

if you buy the car.

Ah. That.

Hello, gentlemen.

Table for two. Where's the phone?

To the right, next to the bathroom.

- Thanks. - I need to wash my hands, too.

Hello, Chantal? It's me again.

The guy? He was armed like a B-52.

I took him out, turned him into mincemeat.

I'll tell you all about it.

When can we meet?

Tonight around 1:00 a.m. I can't stay. I'm expected in Cairo.

They're picking me up at the Concorde.

Afraid? Never.

Except of you.

So, are you taking my Eldorado? 'Cause I've got two other guys interested.

But since you're a nice guy, I'm giving you first dibs.

Oh, I need to check with my wife, but this kind of car makes them dream.

You got it!

With women, there's no secret. You have to make them dream.

You have to take them out of their miserable daily lives.

Take me, for example.

I don't look like every woman's dream.

No, no, no, no, no! I'm just being realistic.

And yet, I attract all I want, and not just the ugly ones.

You have a trick?

- One that's foolproof. - What is it?

- Trade secret. - Ah!

But they all end up in my bed.

And I get them to travel.

And in my junk car,

they feel like they're at the end of the world with Indiana Jones.

The magic of words!

Have you seen that one? Not bad, huh?

She could have her turn if I wanted.

But she's not my type.

Too vulgar.

As for me, I get a kick out of proper little bourgeois women...

like schoolteachers who don't get any.

And with their husbands, none...

All losers. If they're frustrated in bed, it's because of them.

Ah, of course.

And they know it, those idiots!

So, are you taking my Eldorado?

Can you hold it for me for three days?

Because it's you, huh?

Today you're handling a foreign agent-- a german woman.

- Yes, yes. - Wait 'til you see her.

She'll be arriving at Orly.

She's coming from Frankfurt.

She rented a car from Avis.

You spot her and place a tracker.

Three vehicles will track her movements.

She's extremely cautious. No tailing within view.

She's supposed to meet a Libyan agent. When she does,

We intervene. We bring them here for questioning.

- You checked the wiretaps? - Yeah.

But nothing interesting. Here.

Nothing new from Simon?

Nothing for three days.

One's missing.

What do you mean?

They're numbered, you moron.

And here it jumps from 25 to 27.

Where's 26?

I gave you everything I was given.

Where is 26?!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. All right.

Hello?

Helen, I have a very important favor to ask of you.

- We need to meet. - But I can't.

- It's a matter of life and death. - Really?

I'm at my hideout. You know where. Come meet me.

But what's going on with you?

It's serious. I'll tell you at 1:00 p.m. sharp.

Car 2, from The Sword. Car 2.

Car 2 here. Go ahead.

Where is the target's car parked?

In front of the RaphaëI Hotel, Kléber Avenue.

Okay, thank you. Over.

- No, François. No. - Why not?

You're about to screw the pooch.

So I leave or I tell the boss everything.

Oh, it's not nice to snitch! I could rat you out, too.

- I'm clean. What could you tell him? - You've got selective memory.

What about the spy you let go in exchange for a little favor?

How do you know about that?

I know everything about you, so you have no choice!

You're in this to the very end!

Car 2 to The Sword. Car 2 to The Sword. She's leaving the hotel.

I repeat, she's leaving the hotel.

Okay. Don't lose her, but stay out of sight.

Minimum distance-- one kilometer.

Message received.

I need to step out. I'll be back in about an hour.

Ah, Simon.

This is Car 2. The target made a very brief stop in downtown Évry.

- She just left again. - Copy that. Keep on her.

You weren't followed?

No, I did just as you taught me.

Helen...

you have to become my wife.

But I'm already married.

Just for a mission in Mexico, in Acapulco.

I need to be married, you understand? You'll be my wife.

- No, I can't leave Paris. - That's fine.

I found someone else over there, on-site.

You'll only be my wife in Paris, because my mission starts in Paris.

But that's impossible.

You're going to experience with me a moment of intensity

that you can't even imagine.

The others, they're not choirboys.

They'll never believe we're a real couple if we haven't slept together.

If you won't do it for me, at least do it for democracy.

Good god!

Sit down.

Sit down!

Who do you work for?

Évry Ville Nouvelle.

I'm a librarian.

Yeah, right. And I'm a priest at Saint-Philippe-du-Roule.

I swear.

What were you doing during work hours

in a trailer with an international terrorist?

He told me he worked for France.

Have you known him for very long?

It's a completely ridiculous story, it's...

We'll be the judge of that. Start talking.

It was about a month ago.

I was having tea at the café across from the library.

Keep this for me.

It's a matter of life and death.

I'll call you.

I'll explain everything.

All right?

Oh!

"BANZAI ON OUR DEFENSE SECRETS!"

I know I should have called the police.

Why didn't you?

I don't know.

He didn't seem dangerous. And then...

Yes?

I have a pretty mundane life.

Are you married?

Yes.

You don't seem too thrilled about it.

My husband's a civil servant.

Ah, well, I understand. You're bored with life.

No, but...

So you need some adventure.

- Like everyone. - Like all women.

Maybe.

Tell us about your sexual relations with your husband.

The guy with the briefcase, did he call you back?

- Three days later. - It's me.

Do you remember? You saved my life.

- The briefcase. - Ah! Yes, yes.

- Do you still have it? - Yes, in my office.

I need it urgently.

He met me at the same café.

- You opened it. - Barely.

I closed it right away.

Then you know.

- Who are you? - One day I'll tell you.

I risk my life for France.

I just got back from Beirut, but I almost didn't make it back.

I have to go back now.

Did you see him often?

He'd call me every time he returned from a mission.

Did you sleep with him?

I'm married.

So? You wouldn't be the first woman to sleep with

a low-level civil servant, and have an affair with an adventurer.

I swear I didn't.

Your husband isn't Tarzan. It's been a long time

- since he rang your bell, hasn't it? - But I love him.

Ah, so sexually, it's not what it used to be.

I don't want anyone but my husband.

You know you're facing 10 years in prison?

I need to get home because...

I've got my mother, my husband, and my kids waiting for me.

We're putting you in detention.

I want out of here!

Everyone knows it's unbreakable.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Calm down, calm down. There may be a solution.

Work for us.

But I'm not a spy.

It'll get you out of your dull little life.

I don't want to change my life.

It's that or prison.

I wanna go home.

To do that, you need to agree to work with us.

What would it entail?

Some very small, simple missions to start with.

- And after that? - We'll see.

You have no other choice but to accept.

Otherwise, say goodbye to your little family life.

My husband won't know?

No one must know you're working for us.

And especially not him.

Since I have no choice...

Good.

From now on...

you are Wallflower.

Wall-what?

Your code name is Wallflower.

Ours is Topaz.

We're taking you back where we picked you up.

Bastard.

We've been looking for you for years.

You made it difficult. Well done. Now it's over.

You must have the wrong person.

We know everything about you.

Kevin Stark... international terrorist.

But my name's Simon.

I sell junk cars in the suburbs.

I know.

You? But...

Are you taking my Eldorado?

He knows I sell amazing cars!

Don't take us for fools.

We know you sell cars.

But that's just a cover. Your real job is terrorist.

Fifteen days ago you sank a boat in Tripoli.

And last week you destroyed missiles on the Italian border.

But that's just what I tell chicks to excite them!

I take everything from newspapers!

I'm a coward! I'm afraid of everything!

The moment I see a gun, I pass out!

Don't kill me! That would be a mistake!

I'm not James Bond! I'm nothing!

I'm such a nobody, that, to get women,

I have to...

And I sleep with fewer than I'd like!

For the Eldorado, I'll give you a freebie, a gift!

- Get lost! - No way!

As soon as I turn around, you'll shoot me!

- Beat it! - Forget it!

It's free-range chicken.

Nothing special at the library?

Oh, no, the usual routine.

I don't know, you look worried.

Oh, well, yes, it's this problem with the bookbinder that I can't find.

You know, for civil servants...

we take our jobs too seriously.

Don't get up. I'll get it.

Hello, yes?

Yes, this is the right place.

Hold on, I'll put her on.

Helen, it's for you.

- Yes? - Wallflower, it's Topaz.

- Listen carefully to what I say. - Yes?

You have to carry out your first mission.

- At this hour? - No arguments.

Of course.

Go immediately to the Royal Monceau Hotel.

The concierge will give you an envelope.

Your instructions are inside.

- Right now? - Do it.

Uh, all right. Noëlle, don't move. I'm coming.

I have to go because, you know, Noëlle, my colleague at city hall...

So, her husband left her, so, right now

she's really not doing well.

If I don't go, she might do something stupid.

- Do you want me to come with you? - Absolutely not.

It's a women's issue.

Because really, I don't mind going with you.

No, no, that's sweet of you.

Honey, if you have problems, I can help.

A husband's there for that, too.

Dear, I'm not the one with the problem,

it's my coworker!

- Good evening, ma'am. - Good evening.

You should have an envelope for me.

- Under what name, ma'am? - Wallflower.

Ah!

- Here you go, ma'am. - Thank you.

"At 10:30 p.m. sharp, go up to Room 411.

"You're a call girl sent by Madam Dominique.

"You'll meet a man. Be sexy.

"You will do whatever he asks...

"but your primary mission is to place the attached microphone under a table."

Sexy, sexy...

"Undress and lie down on the bed."

"Take off the rest and turn off all the lights."

No!

Get dressed, you're coming with us.

I don't get any of this.

- What are you doing here? - You'll never believe me.

N-No, but he's got nothing to do with this.

It's another guy, the one who lives in a trailer.

- But sir, I'm telling you-- - Shut up!

François! Get out of here!

The Sword, you see, huh? When I'm sober, you have nothing to fear.

And what are you doing for Helen now?

They came for you. Helen-- she knows nothing.

They could cut her to pieces, she'd say nothing.

If anything happens to her, I'll kill you!

And if she makes it though this, remind me to beat the hell out of you!

Ingrate!

- François. - Go to hell!

Don't be stupid. If the whole department gets involved, we'll find your Helen.

I know how slow the system is.

- You can't do this alone. - It's my wife!

Your place is kind of depressing.

I'm never here.

I just got back from Baghdad,

and at dawn tomorrow, I'm heading to Northern Ireland.

And I also have an apartment on Foch Avenue.

- Foch Avenue in Paris? - Oh, yeah, F-10.

But right now it's being watched by the Night Services.

This place may be crappy, but that's intentional.

It's a hideout. Nobody can find me here.

All right, outta here. The hitmen'll be showing up soon.

I don't want them getting their hands on a special agent of your caliber.

We should go. We should go.

- Don't we have time to get dressed? - In my car.

- Where are we going? - You'll see.

Foch Avenue?

- And the man? - They were together.

There was an exchange of gunfire, but he managed to escape.

- And who's she? - My code name is Wallflower.

- You're a secret agent? - Recently.

- And you? - Please.

You were with a man.

- My husband. - Your husband?

Yes, but he has nothing to do with this. He's a telecom engineer.

Your husband is a secret agent.

And not just any agent-- he's The Sword. I paid to find that out.

No, he's a civil servant,

but it's true, he's rated highly by his bosses.

No, he got me in deep trouble because he blew up a shipment of missiles

that I purchased for my country.

In a truck, in an Italian parking lot?

- Yes, but it wasn't my husband. - So, who was it?

It was Simon.

- Simon? - A very skilled guy.

A little obsessed, but...

a genius.

- Do you know where he is? - Yes.

- You're gonna tell me. - No. You're gonna hurt him.

- Get dressed, you're coming with us. - Ah, yeah.

You know, we spend our time getting dressed after undressing.

So, since I started sleeping like this, it's crazy how much time I save.

That's the guy who was with her at the Royal Monceau.

The Sword.

'Cause he's a very clever agent, one of the best.

Not at all. It's my husband François.

- She's your wife? - Can you imagine

a guy, after 18 years of marriage,

hooking up with his own wife at the Royal Monceau?

She's a call girl with nothing to do with this.

Are you insane?

Tell them you work in telecommunications...

that we're married and have two kids.

She's just a delusional prostitute who thinks she's Mata Hari.

Let her get back on the streets.

Look.

Your last mission put me in a very

delicate situation with my employers.

They suspect me of playing a double game.

You need to meet them to set the record straight.

Undress.

Undress!

We often find radio beacons,

micro-transmitters, all sorts of things in clothing

Ah! Especially, the shoes.

This might seem a bit quirky in Paris,

but where we're going, it's local custom.

Soon you'll be able to speak freely.

I have a friend who can even make mutes talk.

0-2-8.

...0-2-8, contact tower...

Hey! Hey!

Move it.

The Sword is thousands of miles from his scabbard.

Your Service can no longer do anything for you.

You're gonna tell me everything.

My husband works in telecommunications.

Of course, And you've been married for...?

Eighteen years.

And you? You've been with the Action Service for...?

Sixteen years.

Don't hold it against me, darling, but secrecy is a rule of the Service.

You're a secret agent? A real secret agent?

I mean... a real secret agent?

Yes, I suppose so.

You lied to me all these years?

A-A-And those switching stations that kept failing,

- they weren't switching stations, were they? - Special missions.

You, my husband, you...

A civil servant?

You were risking your life?

No more than I am now.

We, also, have a few questions to ask your husband.

His actions have caused a lot of trouble...

for me...

and our friend Izmir.

You're gonna tell us everthing...

the structure of your Service...

what you know about us, and your plans.

Izmir.

He loves vivisection...

without anesthesia.

A secret agent never talks.

Unless we go after what he holds most dear.

Stop. I'll tell you everything.

Honey, don't worry about me.

It's not important.

Come on! In the back cell.

You have no right to talk! Don't say anything!

Good.

Now that we're among men...

Those missiles...

You took the money,

and then destroyed them.

Did you even consider their original destination?

It was for a just cause.

Izmir is the leader of the anti-government resistance in his country.

He cared deeply about those weapons.

Opponents of different regimes tend to get special treatment.

Our industry needs to sell a lot of weapons.

And for every rifle sold to an insurgent,

ten are sent to the government he's fighting.

Izmir will take his revenge on the entire French people...

tonight at Princes Park in Paris.

There's a football match between your team and his country's team.

It's the perfect opportunity to strike a popular crowd and public opinion.

You'll see.

Afterwards, your government...

will be much more cooperative.

Of course you'll try to escape.

I advise against it.

For you, outside...

it would be worse.

Hey, wake up in there. It's dinnertime.

Helen...

it's me.

- François... - Don't ask any questions.

But I still have the right to know where we are.

Four hours by plane, that's about 2,500 kilometers from Paris.

From the atmosphere, it's an Arab city.

Marrakech, Cairo, Tripoli, or Istanbul-- who knows?

- But Istanbul isn't Arab. - I know, it's Turkish.

All right, Izmir, I'll take care of it. I'll call you back in 15 minutes

Go get the two French people.

What are you waiting for? Shoot!

A single shot and we're dead.

Really?

Amin. Amin!

French Embassy, please.

- You're looking for the French Embassy? - Yes. Where is it?

Go that way, go that way,

you're headed straight for the French Embassy.

Why the French Embassy?

They're planning an attack at Princes Park in Paris.

- François-- - Shh!

We can't let them hear us speaking French.

This can't be happening.

But François, we're in Paris.

In Barbès, no less.

They really took us for a ride.

But why the whole act?

An agent far from his base... his Service can't do anything for him, so...

sometimes he talks.

All right, you're going home now because they must be starting to worry.

Yes.

Did you find the French Embassy?

Hang up.

Do you have a car?

So let's go.

What are you doing here? I told you to go home.

We've been a team for 18 years, haven't we?

Open the trunk.

But, François...

François!

Do you want to join him?

Then from now on, you do exactly as I say.

Go get your weapon.

- So, it's working? Are you ready? - Whenever you want.

I'm going in.

If there's a problem, you shoot.

You'll see, it's easy. Press here.

Shoot! For God's sakes, shoot!

Too late.

The missile's launching in less than two minutes.

And there's nothing I can do to stop it.

- Albert, I'm listening. - Einstein...

in two minutes a missile will hit Princes Park.

- And where are you? - Right next to it.

The ignition sequence is engaged. There's nothing I can do.

Why? Are you in the old La Courneuve factory?

- How do you know? - We're not far.

We rigged the missile to explode on the spot.

- What? - I'll explain later. Get outta there.

There's nothing more we can do.

- He won. We're leaving. - But you can't just give up.

There's nothing we can do. We're getting out.

This can't be. We have to stop this.

We can't stay here. We're leaving.

But François!

Were you scared?

Yes.

But I liked it.

Thirty-nine.

Forty.

And 41.

Go hide it in the kitchen.

François should be back soon.

- Yes? - Turn around, it's urgent.

Oh, no, not tonight, huh?

It's my birthday. Helen probably prepared her typical surprise.

- You're messing with me. - No, I swear, it's not a joke.

François, right now.

Hello?

François will be home very late.

A switchboard's gone down.

Hello?

The terrorist Carlos is in the room with a young woman.

We've been ordered to intercept him alive.

Keep collateral damage minimal, people are in there.

Boss, there she is.

You'll be working with Wallflower.

You performed very well on previous missions.

Carlos is sitting...

at this table.

We managed to free this one.

There's at least 10 meters.

We couldn't get any closer.

Plus, his other guy is right in the middle of the room.

All right, get changed.

You're a couple of widowers, married for 10 years.

And you came specially from Limoges to celebrate.

At precisely 10:30 p.m.,

a shadow play act begins.

We'll take advantage of it to plunge the room into total darkness.

You intervene at that moment.

The guy behind the column, with only his left arm visible...

that's him.

The three men near the bar-- his bodyguards.

And that one, too...

he's watching the room, not the show.

Two more minutes.

Then anything can happen.

He's very dangerous.

The last time we tried to take him in, it turned into a shootout.

He left three dead behind.

You like flirting with death.

It's good.

Let's hold hands for a moment.

Each of us trying to seduce the other.

It's best if we don't leave together.

What does it feel like to get hit by machine gun fire?

Terrible.

A tingling sensation that turns into burning pain.

You get knocked back.

Backwards...

if you were shot from the front.

Face down.

People often shoot each other in the back.

I love you.

It's funny, that's not at all how I pictured Carlos.

Ah!

Simon.

Uh, are you taking my Eldorado?