Original subtitles

- They're not mean, you know. - Excuse me.

Please. Hello? Yes, speaking.

Yes, yes.

Rehearsing this afternoon at the Folies Caumartin?

No, but wait... Excuse me.

No, but right now, I'm shooting a commercial.

No, but... just in the afternoon.

No, but you had to... but wait... How do you want me to...

It's up to you to warn me. See you later. Thanks.

- They've got some nerve! - What's going on?

It can't be true! Come on!

Authors think they're kings.

This can't be true!

What's the play you're doing?

The Easter egg.

- Funny, you're playing the chicken. - Ah yes cot cot cot cot!

I have a good feeling about this.

I've heard about this play, but I didn't see it yet.

You should, because it's not bad.

But after 150 performances...

Making adjustments... But adjusting what?

I'm an idiot, it's my fault.

Excuse me, it's my fault.

Yes, don't get angry, I'm telling you it's my fault.

It's not your fault.

It's all your fault. This is my car.

- Look at my car! - There's nothing.

- Nothing. - Look at that!

It's all right, you're insured, aren't you?

Well, let's...

- But are you insured? - Of course.

Do you know how to drive?

Do you have a license?

I'll show you everything, the insurance, the license, you'll have it all.

Show me everything. Show me everything.

Move forward a little, you'll see.

You'll see.

I'm so sorry.

It's my fault, I didn't do it on purpose.

And there's not too much damage.

We'll file a claim with the insurance company.

- There's not too much damage, is there? - No, no, there's no need.

There's no need to make a statement.

You're very kind, thank you.

Excuse me, you've hurt yourself, it's my fault.

No, it's not your fault, it's mine.

I could have hurt myself. Forgive me because I'm in a hurry.

I'm due at the theater for a rehearsal.

You're a little out of sorts. It hurts, doesn't it?

- It doesn't hurt. It's no big deal. - Oh well, don't get angry then.

What's the matter with you?

Don't say you saw me, because I can't come right away.

Yeah, I did...

I got hurt by getting out of the cab.

- So I think I need to go see a pharmacist. - A pharmacist?

Yes, that's a good idea. What's the matter?

There's no need to bother them with that, it's nothing, I think.

I won't say anything.

It still hurts a little.

You didn't see me.

No, I didn't see you, I didn't see anything.

I'll be right back.

Yes, I think the pharmacy is a good idea.

Anyway, don't worry, don't worry.

They'll wait.

In any case, a little more, a little less, right?

Mr. Léon, I entrust you with my dear president, my little treasure.

Please be careful.

Don't relieve yourself in Mr. Léon's home.

Be good, my precious, my sweet angel!

- Miss Florès, you've got a message. - A message? A telegram?

- But that's not the final rehearsal today? - No.

That one I'll put it up with the others in my dressing room.

Oh, that's one of a kind!

"Paris at last!

I'll be there soon to meet my beloved star,

without whom the City of Light would lose all its lustre.

- Gaston". - He's a poet, isn't he?

I don't know who this Gaston is? Who's Gaston?

Do you know who carried this message?

- Someone dropped it off. - Someone from the Post Office?

No, the guy wrote it and sealed it in front of me.

But what was he like?

- Well, nice enough. - That's not what I'm asking, Mr. Léon.

How did he look physically?

Well, he was middle-aged, with dyed hair, I think.

He's a bit of an actor.

He's quite tall. I mean, neither short nor tall, neither fat nor skinny.

- He's got a funny look. - A squint?

Oh no, he doesn't.

And what color is the dye?

Chestnut.

Doesn't ring a bell.

He said you'd certainly remember him.

You met him at the wedding of a cousin of yours in the southwest.

Marco... Marco Florès.

I know Marco Florès, he's my cousin!

That rings a bell. An animator?

- Yes, that's right, an animator. - Yes.

- Gaston! - Yes.

He's a real piece of work.

He'll teach you a page of the phone book just by reading it.

All of a sudden, he's reciting the whole thing.

- Crazy! - How did he do it?

Well, I don't know, it's natural, no tricks.

He was autistic until the age of seven.

He's a former autistic.

Well, that's curious.

He said you were his guardian angel.

His guardian angel? What's next?

- Because he thought he was alone in Paris. In the face of adversity. - Adversity?

What adversity?

He told me that as soon as he saw your name on the posters, he showed up at the theater.

I refused to let him in, guessing what was going on.

He left the message.

Yeah.

It's a good thing you didn't let him in, that's all we needed.

- Then I did the right thing! - Yes, you did the right thing.

And if he comes back, let him come in and see me.

But he must be really discreet.

Understood.

When the ambassador is out, he emerges

from behind the sofa and rushes to embrace her.

But who is "he"?

A pretentious young Parisian author.

- So I'm going this way then? - Yes. No, no.

Not in the new version.

- Then I'll go this way. - Yes.

What new version?

- Why all this? - Let me explain.

But why change all that?

It was working perfectly well.

Patience, I'll explain it to you when everyone has arrived.

I really don't understand how you take things.

It seems so simple to me.

The profession wanted to salute you.

You've been saluted by your peers.

This buffoonery is an insult to theater.

To have contempt for an evening like the Molières.

No, that's too easy.

I don't have contempt for anyone, I just feel despised.

- But you got the prize. - Yes, I got it, but I didn't receive it.

I didn't go to collect it.

God forbid.

But what if you had gone to receive it?

To think that they dare to call this masquerade the Molières evening.

I mean, to use Molière's name for this!

- We should call it The Tartuffes' Academy. - So what do we do?

One consequence of our friend's highly

critical stance is that he wants to use the play...

The play? The Easter egg?

Yes. Use our Easter egg, which we've played 150 times, as a platform...

As a platform?

Yes, to answer his critics.

Original.

And since there's no question of writing a new play...

Then I'm going to use it to answer my enemies.

Let's start with the last scene of act one,

when the ambassador and Madame set off on a mission to the African country.

Go on.

Well, haven't we forgotten something?

I was about to forget, Edwige, you did bring my hooded raincoat, didn't you?

It's the rainy season in these equatorial latitudes.

Edmond, darling, you look ridiculous in your hooded raincoat.

The ambassador can't be ridiculous.

I've put an umbrella out for you.

Paulette, don't forget to water the plants.

Don't worry, Madame, I've got a green thumb!

Maurice, you stay with Paulette.

Okay, let's link up this with the beginning of act two, four months later.

During this scene there'll be some changes

and I'll explain them to you when the time comes.

Go on.

Oh, this humidity in Moka and this endless stopover in Djibouti.

Between that and the jet lag, it'll take me at least three days to recover.

Oh my poor little dog!

That was awful.

I'm sorry, Monsieur and Madame, I didn't see Madame and Monsieur come back.

What on earth is that? Edmond, am I dreaming? Do you see what I see?

- That's all I see. - What happened to you, girl?

- It's because I ate a pizza, ma'am. - A pizza?

Did a pizza put you in this state?

I've never heard of such a thing.

That's it...

It's that famous pizza that you close up and puff out like an apple turnover.

How did you... I forgot the name...

calzone, calzone... underwear in French, right?

Oh, no, sir.

- He never wears them. - I thought so, yes.

Whether it's a pizza that's got her in this state, Edouard or...

Anyway, I can't keep you, my girl, in your condition. It's impossible.

But Madame, I'm not due for three months.

But please understand, my girl, that with

your new look, you no longer have the profile for the job.

What's wrong with my profile?

Your profile is no longer relevant, that's all.

Is Madame unaware that my position

is covered by the collective agreement for embassy staff?

Article nine, paragraph three.

Who told you about such nonsense?

My fiance.

Ah, calzone!

No. Krazimir of Zaremberg.

What did you say?

Krazimir of Zaremberg.

Don't tell me you know the Crown Prince of Poldavia!

Did you look up the phone book while we were gone?

Edwige, I'm afraid we're dealing with a psychiatric phenomenon.

Of course I know him!

He even delivers the pizzas.

Ah, Poldavia delivers pizzas to your door.

You're right, Edmond, it's a psychiatric phenomenon.

Of course.

You wouldn't understand.

To learn French, Krakra is half at the Alliance française, half at the pizzeria.

Since when do you learn French in a pizzeria?

In a pizzeria, no.

But by delivering them, yes.

You expect us to believe that the son of

Prince Zaremberg, aka Krakra, delivers pizzas?

Of course he does, it allows him to meet

all sorts of people while remaining incognito.

He always says that it's by knowing the people that you remain king.

What interests him is human contact.

As you can see.

Your Prince Krazimir has the human contact easy!

Did he talk to you on the street or at a red light?

While delivering his pizzas?

Don't Madame and Sir.

remember when they ordered a pizza for the reception

of the Bank of France's director?

To replace the bouchées à la reine that had burned in the oven.

How stupid of me!

You can't have seen him, he only came to the kitchen.

That's the first time I've seen him.

Okay, stop. Slight change.

During this line, the ambassador gets up,

comes to stand in front of Madame, with a knowing look, and says "hum hum".

I'll tell you why later.

I say "hum hum hum", is that all?

That's all.

Let's get on with it.

Sir, Ma'am, don't you remember?

When you ordered a pizza for the reception

of the Bank of France's director

to replace the bouchées à la reine that had burned in the oven.

How stupid I am!

Hum hum.

Let's get on with it.

Yes, he only came into the kitchen.

You can't have seen him.

Oh yes. I just...

You can't have seen him, he only came to the kitchen.

I'd added olives and capers.

Lecoq de Beaupuy was delighted, he was delighted.

Did your so-called Krakra come here to my house while we were away?

I'm sorry, I made a mistake.

Let's get on with it.

Did your so-called Krakra come here

to my house before we left for Ogooué-Lolo to deliver a pizza?

He's not "my so-called", he's a pretender!

Impossible.

Tell me, isn't he a little...

Like this, Zaremberg?

Like what? Explain clearly, Edwige!

He bats for the other team!

I know sir, I know.

When he made his delivery that evening, he was like:

"Good evening! Who's the pizza for?

Is it for you?"

When he saw me, his eyes made three turns.

- He fluttered his big eyelashes. - He fluttered his big eyelashes?

Yes sir, what do you want me to say?

That's the way it is. It's like a fatal destiny.

As soon as a boy is like that,

I don't know what I'm doing to him, but he falls in love with me.

The reigning prince of Poldavia is going to have a field day!

No, ma'am, on the contrary, he's so happy, he's having a ball.

- I'm saving his honor. - Honor?

Wait a minute, let me explain.

The Alligator, the satirical newspaper

they all fear over there, said there were five princesses in the palace.

And since Krazimir has four sisters...

Imagine the look on Gustave's face.

Gustave!

Gustave V Zaremberg of Poldavia, darling.

Right, we'll stop here. Miss Florès, you can sit down for now

while I explain and put in place the text added.

So, I've decided that the ambassador will have a lover.

- How about that! - Whom she met on the evening of

the reception for Lecoq de Beaupuy, the director of the Bank of France.

He's a pretentious young author, a kind of Trissotin.

He played footsie with her under the table and she gave up.

They met again. The weirdo, who has his reasons,

wrote to her at her Paris home while they were away in Africa.

The ambassador has just discovered the letter.

He's suspicious.

But what's the weirdo got to do with the rest of the story?

I need to introduce a pretentious young author who dines out.

- A young author? - Yes, a pretentious who dines out.

You should understand why.

But what's that got to do with...

No, no, I don't understand.

We haven't seen our Poldavian consul today.

He didn't come.

We had words.

- You had words? - Words.

He couldn't bear the idea that

the playwright of a Molière-winning play might give his role to someone else.

Well then?

Well then, I replaced him with the concierge.

Mr. Léon?

Mr. Léon.

I often saw Mr. Léon at the theater when I was a kid.

He was excellent.

But then he had a hard time with women and lost his way.

Today, fate is giving him a second chance.

You see how surprising the Lord's ways are.

I turn down a Molière, he finds a role.

But what am I going to do? He may be great, but I've never played with him.

That's why we'll rehearse together, even if there aren't many changes for you.

But you'll see, it will go very, very well. Don't be afraid.

Miss Florès, good.

Right, let's go back to act three, scene five.

I've come up with a little idea for a scene modification, or rather

an additional scene play, but I'm not quite sure yet.

You're not in costume, well it doesn't matter.

Put on the fake belly and then we'll pretend.

All right.

That's it, he's out of the studio!

I just talked to his assistant, he took a cab fifteen minutes ago.

Well, as I was saying,I wasn't thinking

very clearly, so we'll start again from page 27, from the line "Paulette, will we

always have to tell you not to hit with a feather duster" and so on and so forth.

Okay, please.

Oh Paulette! How many times do I have to tell you

not to hit things with a feather duster like that?

You'll end up breaking something.

But ma'am, since I've been like this,

I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm nervous.

Oh, who's that?

Hello, it's me!

- It's Gaston! - Ah, Gaston! Oh, it's you.

Remember? Gaston!

Man-za-na-rès.

- Gaston. - Oh, yeah.

You're the one who left me a message? Oh yeah.

What the hell are you doing here in our city of light?

I'd love to explain, but it would take too long.

How did you find me?

Well, I was wandering around town.

All of a sudden, I see a poster, I say to myself "it's not possible,

I'm dreaming! It's her, there can't be another one".

Oh yes, Fifi Florès, there's only one.

I need to finish my scene here.

Would you mind if we go to the back and had a quiet chat later?

No problem.

Because I think we're a nuisance.

Yes, indeed.

Right, then. Resume at the sound of the bell. Please do.

But it's not my fault, ma'am!

I don't know what's wrong with me, but

since I've been like this, I've been nervous.

I knew it.

Who is it?

I would like to speak to Miss Lafleur Paulette.

That's me.

Nikolai Murlokov, head pastry chef, Poldavian Consulate.

What kind of cake is that?

It is from the Poldavian consulate.

Paris.

There's a card with the cake.

Would you like me to read it to you, ma'am?

Well, well, well, read my daughter, read.

And then you can pick up the fruit and the fruit bowl.

"Dear Miss Lafleur, please consider this Poldavian sweetness as little compared to

the immense service you are about to render to our crown.

All of Poldavia trembles with the same hope,

and its prince expresses his profound gratitude to you.

See you soon at the court of Poldavia".

Signed Gustave!

That's what I said this morning, Madame!

I save the throne!

Modesty doesn't stifle you, my girl.

And don't forget to repair the effects of your clumsiness.

They call it a fitting.

He's redoing the whole thing. I just don't get it anymore.

Gustave isn't a compote dish away.

Oh, my God!

When I'll be Princess of Poldavia,

I won't have one maid, I'll have several, one for each fruit, Madame.

Well, that's that, now for a change of scenery.

Poldavian Consulate. Go ahead.

Well, if it isn't Mr. Director.

- Are you going to be okay? - Yes, Mr. Director, yes.

Mr. Léon!

You are magnificent! You look wonderful!

Are you trying to scare me?

Good, because you won't. I've seen harder times before.

For example, in The Caine Mutiny, helmsman Junius Urban.

When his shirt was sticking out of his pants,

well, believe me, it wasn't funny every day in the theater.

And believe me, next to that, it's all rubbish.

Léon Léon, have you learned your lines?

Ever since I saw the piece, I've had it in my ear.

But what about the Poldavian accent?

Galilichka cocoa Poldavia.

Mr. Léon, it's your turn.

Now you'll see what a real actor is.

Come on, Gaston, let's talk.

It's all right here, isn't it? It's going well.

- Oh yes, we're always busy. - Really?

We're doing well, too well in fact.

Too well?

Because it's not going well for me. At all.

As you know, ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of being on stage.

So I formed a small local troupe and

we staged operettas by Francis Lopez and even zarzuelas.

- Zarzuelas? - Yes, zarzuelas.

These are Spanish operettas.

And it worked very, very well.

Ah, it worked very well.

Unfortunately, today it doesn't work at all and I'm covered in debt.

Let's go.

Your eminent holiness is concerned about the bride's personality.

Yes, very, very big coincidence.

Why does she live in Paris,

in the apartment of the French ambassador to Ogooué-Lolo?

Africa. Chocolate. Poldavia.

It's all too connected.

There's something suspicious!

Yes, suspicious.

Yes, we'll have to check if

she wants a child with Prince Gustave behind his back.

Ha ha ha! No, not in the back!

You consul Poldavia in Paris, not even understand French!

To have a child behind someone's back is a French expression.

- I didn't know. - You never know.

Yes, indeed, very true.

I'd even say very accurate.

But why is that? I don't know why.

You still don't know.

Maybe I do.

They say she works as a chambermaid...

Could she be an adventuress, placed there

by Chocolate Company, terrible enemy Galinichka cocoa Poldavia.

To blackmail our beloved Prince Zaremberg

and provoke the fall of the Poldavian zloty and put Poldavia in great danger of

buying world cocoa and Chocolate Company take over market!

I hadn't thought about it, but it's very plausible that she's paid by...

Plausible?

Cho patek!

- Cho patek! - Cho patek?

Oh no, your eminent holiness.

But perhaps a little investigation by our very special services...

Yes, all right, you investigate.

I tried to crawl out, but as you know,

in the provinces, you quickly go as far as you can.

So I had a stroke of genius.

I'm going to Paris and I'm going to get

the Minister of Culture to cough up the dough.

And why the Minister of Culture?

Because I've got a troupe on my back and social security charges to pay.

But the minister doesn't give a damn.

No, I don't think so.

And between us, with relationships...

...commercial and profitable only thanks to...

Are you following me? With relationships...

Ah yes, I think so.

I mean, I wonder if you're not on the wrong track.

Because here, at the Easter egg, we didn't see a minister.

In memory of our dear Princess Galina.

- Who loves chocolate so much. - Tak.

Ruin on Poldavia,

if it could no longer export its chocolate.

Tak!

Our chocolate, whose reputation has withstood even the Bolshevik world.

I'm out of luck.

May the Eternal Father keep the princess in his bosom.

- I'm out of luck. - Very good my son.

You investigate and no cho patek.

All right, stop.

Instead of "cho patek", you say "videotek".

Excuse me? "Vidéothèque"?

But I don't understand, what does it mean? I don't understand anymore.

There's nothing to understand.

"Cho patek" is an imaginary word from an imaginary language, poldavian.

Yes, but in French, "vidéothèque", it means something.

Yes, "vidéothèque" with "que", but this is "videotek" with "tek".

Okay, but when I say it, nobody sees how it's written.

I have my reasons.

What are they?

People don't care about a boulevard theatre playwright, he writes vulgar stuff.

They want intellectual, I'll give them intellectual.

So I decide that "videotek" is a Poldavian word

meaning "Kill them all and God will know is own".

I'm allowed, aren't I?

But if videotek offends you.

Instead, use cinematek, for me it's all the same.

...

Why not?

You're breaking all my effects.

Every night, when I say "cho patek", people howl with laughter.

But if I say "videotek", "cinematek", can you imagine?

Videotek? Cinematek?

No, it's a disaster.

My dear, you're not going to change one of the most successful scenes.

If you do the same with the best scenes, you're committing suicide.

Well, as far as I'm concerned.

I give up.

All right, now, take it easy.

Excuse me sir, I'm a stranger to your undertaking,

which allows me to judge it with serenity.

I just wanted to tell you simply, kindly, without pretension,

that I may be your messenger from heaven,

the guardian angel who comes to you and says quite simply:

"Come on, you're a success, you fill up every night, so don't kill the goose

that lays the golden eggs". And believe me, I ought to know.

Because it's hard to have spectators trickling into a venue every day.

It's hard, it's very hard.

So don't turn the goose that lays golden eggs into one laying hard-boiled eggs.

It's the Easter egg.

Yes, well, it's all the same.

So don't turn the Easter egg into a hard-boiled egg.

What's this guy got to do with anything? Where did he come from?

Get this moron out of here!

He's not very polite, is he?

Well, I think I'm intruding, so I'll let you finish your rehearsal.

In the meantime, I'm going to play

pinball at the bistro next door while I wait for you.

And if you're free tonight, maybe we could grab a bite together?

Okay, only if it's boiled chicken.

Alright, we'll go for boiled chicken.

Cho patek!

There you are.

I wish you'd arrived before the set change, because we had to put it back for you.

- Have you had a leg transplanted? - What's that?

Ah no, no, no, no, it's nothing.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Some idiot ran over my foot.

Well, twisted my ankle.

But there's no problem, it'll be fine.

Start the fitting scene quickly, I've got lots of changes.

I'm the sewing man.

I come to measure the bride-to-be.

You're in luck, I'm the bride-to-be.

Who is it, Paulette?

The bride-to-be's dressmaker who comes to take measurements.

Send him in.

Take my measurements...

Coming!

Aren't you the golden needle Madame is always talks about, the fashion thermometer?

The barometer, Paulette. The barometer.

Dear Master, I never expected your visit.

I dropped by the salon the other day and

said I was very interested in several of your models.

But to imagine you in my home in person, that's unhoped-for.

It's a dream come true.

Madame, sewing is taking measures of dreams.

What a gentleman!

But it's my measurements we're talking about, Madame.

Madame, may I take the measures of the future little Highness of Poldavia?

I beg your pardon?

Stanislas Sandomir doesn't travel for a mere ambassador,

only for the future Little Highness of Poldavia.

Oh! Oh!

Go on, my dear.

Our time is running out.

We have no time to lose.

Excuse me, High Madame.

Little Highness, keep your arm a little higher.

A thousand apologies, High Madame.

Little Highness, keep that attitude for a moment while I check.

Sleeve length. Length.

Sleeve length.

Sleeve length.

Little Highness, High Madame.

Are you going to stop with your qualifying adjectives?

Go on, take your measurements and be quiet.

Enough with the sweet talk.

Oh, it's too much.

Do you have trouble bending down?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! This is nothing!

No, no, it'll be fine, tomorrow it'll be better.

It's just a little shock that I got.

Go on then.

I'm sure you're very fond of chocolate...

to see little gourmand head.

Love chocolate.

How did you guess?

Me guess everything.

Guess a lot of things.

Sandomir very observant.

Sees all, hears all.

Even what a fool thinks he can't see.

How did you know I like chocolate?

You not only love chocolate, you're very, very interested in cocoa.

Really?

Ogooué-Lolo.

Ogooué-Lolo.

Ogooué-Lolo? Ogooué-Lolo?

But I don't understand a word he's saying.

All Ogooué-Lolo cocoa production for Poldavia.

All cocoa for High Lady.

But I'm not Coco Chanel.

Not coco, not coco.

Cocoa.

You're very clever.

Mata Hari.

Mata Hari.

- Mata what? - Mata Hari!

Hari! Hari!

One minute it's cocoa, the next it's a Japanese dish!

Get on with it.

Mata Hari! Hari!

- Hari! - What is it?

One minute it's cocoa, the next it's a Japanese dish.

You very smart.

Deflect conversation.

Mata Hari great spy.

Pity. Bad ending for her.

You know all about cocoa.

So why you French embassy in Ogooué-Lolo?

Madame, it's gossip from the top.

Oh, my little one, please!

You don't want to say anything.

You spy.

Just like me.

But me.

I keep an eye on you.

- I keep an eye on you. - An eye?

I don't think so, it's not my religion.

What's wrong with you? Did you go see a doctor ?

The pharmacist sent me to the physiotherapist next door.

And?

She told me I'd probably anything broken, but I'd better get an X-ray, you never know.

You'd better go as soon as possible, because we need to be sure.

It's nothing, I told you.

I'm in great shape. See how I play.

Top form. I've never been better.

Let's do it again.

You had it coming.

- It's all your fault. - My fault?

I'm dreaming. Why?

Why?

Because with your obsessions and your flights of fancy, you've brought us...

I don't want to say it, I'm superstitious.

I can't imagine anything more bad faith.

I don't see what the desire to change my text has to do with the fact

that Mr. Duduche went to shoot a commercial.

It's funny because I can see the connection, Mr. Author.

You were a huge success, and like all tormented authors,

you had problems, useless problems.

But you should know, sir, that there are gods who govern the theater.

These gods gave us a prize, a huge success, and you got offended.

Here you are, sir.

I thought you weren't superstitious.

That's neither here nor there.

The gods and the gods of theater...

Sir, you can tell your nonsense to whomever you like,

the concierge in the building next door if you like, but not to me.

If there is a theater god, he demands that

those who claim to serve him write a script properly.

Don't take the easy way out.

I had the weakness, and I regret it,

of writing for him, for you and for your audience, who apparently want more.

"Calzones, no sir, he never wears them" or "not the crème de la crème with cocoa".

Do you think your theatrical gods are content with calzone and cocoa?

Theater gods or not, you haven't thanked anyone.

Oh, no.

On the contrary, you've made a whim.

"They're giving me a Molière, but I don't want it".

And the gods took their revenge.

On the other hand, if you were in the habit of paying

yours actors better, in this case Mr. Duduche...

- he wouldn't have been reduced I- never said that!

He wouldn't have been reduced to shooting a TV commercial...

That's nothing to do with it!

Reduced to shooting a TV commercial to pay his rent.

But my rent is already paid.

It's my turn to blame you for leaving him at the mercy of those advertising morons.

If you hadn't let him go, none of this would have happened.

You're acting in bad faith.

Mr. Duduche, you think you're poorly paid?

But listen, it's a success.

I'm getting paid... Alright it's not much.

But right now, I've got an extraordinary chance to do a commercial.

He can't play both the egg and the chicken.

It'll be broadcast in Luxembourg, it'll be broadcast in Belgium and Switzerland.

Isn't it great?

How many actors could?

Actors...

They told me they could have taken a...

But they took me.

He's a goner.

I had planned to add a Poldavian dance.

Kneeling, arms folded, like Red Army dancers.

Not quite, but something like that.

He would have done his best and it would have been fun anyway.

And above all, it allowed me to introduce the scene...

With the Argentine tango and the young author.

Pretentious and dining out. Yes.

I do have an idea, but it's unexpected.

Go on.

I'd like to, but I'm not sure you'd like it.

My curiosity is stronger.

That guy you threw out.

Yes, that Gaston you kicked out.

He has an extraordinary memory.

Phenomenal.

Unheard of.

That rusty nail?

Yes. You can always try to find someone

out there who can learn a 600-lines role in less than 24 hours.

I wouldn't recommend it.

I once saw him do an extraordinary gig,

learning a page of the dictionary in less than 30 seconds.

By the time you start looking for a replacement, he'll already know the part.

Let's go get him.

The time for politeness and pretense is over.

The ship is sinking, but I'm at the helm.

- Let's go get him. - But...

Let's get him!

- Sir? - Yes?

Sir, we're waiting for you at the theater.

Waiting for me? What for?

Because they need you.

They need me? What do they want?

First they kicked me out and now they need me?

- Yes, I know, but... - What for?

They'll explain, sir.

Can't you explain?

They'll explain it to you.

Well, I'm coming, I'm coming.

Dear sir, don't blame us.

We're all a bit nervous.

Yes, it's true that I can't stand anything.

I'm so preoccupied with responding to this cabal that I can't think of anything else.

Anyway, sir, I apologize.

There's a great deal of nobility in knowing when you're wrong.

Let's not talk about it anymore. Come on, it's all in the past.

I heard you have a fabulous memory,

and that it's not difficult for you to learn a 400-lines role in 24 hours.

24 hours? You've got to be kidding!

24 minutes.

Give me a page of the script.

The first page.

Silly me! I saw the rehearsal earlier with Pop.

You don't have to, I know it.

You know it?

I'm saying I know it, you don't have to.

So, I'm going to ask for the greatest silence,

because obviously I need to focus.

Please allow me.

Your eminence is concerned about the bride's personality.

Yes, very big coincidence.

Why does she live in the Paris apartment of the French ambassador

of Ogooué-Lolo, Africa.

Chocolate, Poldavia All too connected.

There's suspicion, yes, suspicion. We have to check if

she wants a child with Prince Gustave's without him knowing.

Ah, I didn't know. You never know anything.

All very true. I'd even say it's very accurate.

But why is that? I don't know.

You still don't know.

She seems to work as a chambermaid. Is she an adventuress?

Placed by Chocolate Company, Galinchika's terrible enemy.

Cocoa. Poldavia.

To blackmail our beloved Prince Zaremberg

and thus cause the Poldavian zloty exchange rate to plummet.

Make it difficult for Poldavia to buy cocoa, world market.

And Chocolate Company, to take over the market.

I hadn't...

I hadn't thought of it, but it's plausible that she's paid by...

Plausible, you say? Cho Patek!

Cho Patek!

I've never seen anything like it in my career.

It's very, very good.

Only you'll have to do it with a Poldavian accent throughout.

A spy couturier who is sent to Paulette.

Performed by mademoiselle Florès.

On the pretext of taking measurements for her engagement dress to Prince Krazimir.

The dressmaker tries to make her spill the beans.

He's also a Poldavian, a colonel in the Poldavian army.

Which we'll find out later.

I'm sorry I can't.

I can't play every night and look like a dummy.

I could do the accent.

But my dignity is at stake.

I'm not a buffoon.

I'm an actor.

I refuse to make people laugh with easy tricks.

So, if I have to do a Poldavian accent, I'd rather play

of Father Popelkov.

He's got presence.

I've always dreamed of acting with a beard.

As you may have noticed, we already have a Father Popelkov, so we don't need two.

Well then, it's easy, we reverse.

I take his role and he takes the role of

his comrade that he must know by heart, since you're at the hundredth?

The hundred and fiftieth! We'll get to 160, if God wills.

Maybe someone could ask me what I think.

We'll see about that later.

Yes, God knows, we're in no hurry.

All right, I'll do it, but send in the bucks.

- What do you want? - Not much.

- You have to guarantee me 50 performances. - 50!

I don't even know if we're going to play three more times with all these changes.

You still have to pay me.

50 performances, but that's a lot of money!

You ask me to learn a text and you don't want to pay me.

It doesn't take you much effort.

Listen, if you know anyone who can replace me, don't hesitate, I'm not jealous.

That's blackmail.

But not at all.

Hard work deserves a fair reward.

That's what I was taught when I was a kid at school.

Let's give it a try with the designer's Poldavian accent

and we'll see if it works.

Let's do it to the Poldavian anthem that opens the scene at the consulate, where

Paulette's engagement to Prince Krazimir is officially announced.

Give me the text.

Bring glory to Zvolod.

But this is sung.

There's a little extra.

Is memory the same for music?

Exactly the same.

Okay, send the playback.

Thick night reigned on its shores, the brave Poldavians groaned in irons,

subjected alas to terrible torturers and resigned to slavery.

A proud warrior wanted to fight back.

He arrived, and, quick as a flash, Zvolov gathered the courages.

The pure hearts couldn't escape it.

Before the prince, everything stoops and trembles.

Can you hear the drum roll?

Let's wake up and shout together.

Poldavia shines in the daylight.

Poldavia shines in the daylight.

Poldavia shines in the daylight!

Poldavia shines in the daylight!

Oh, Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo!

Bravo!

All right, then. Go and put on the spy dressmaker's suit.

The stage manager will show you where the dressing rooms are.

And after the rehearsal, we have to talk.

With pleasure, and if you're understanding, it'll be very quick.

I'm confident we'll find common ground.

I think so too.

Excuse me.

Saved.

Did I waste too much of your time?

Well done! You didn't waste time!

You're fast! But...

But...

But what?

It's because of this man that I had that accident earlier!

Because of me?

But earlier you told me it was because of you.

I was in a hurry and I was polite.

You see, you should never say shenanigans.

I understand now.

You did it on purpose.

To take my place.

It won't be like that.

It won't.

I'll go to court.

Injury, with intent!

Just another lunatic.

Listen, old chap, you're not on short notice.

You're being replaced for a broken foot, which is quite different.

- But it's not broken. - It's all the same.

Anyway, I can't get into personal considerations.

No feelings. The show must go on, so...

I'm an artist.

By the way, you're on Social Security. What are you complaining about?

Of course, it's more annoying for your shooting of the sporty chicken.

By the way, what sport did this chicken practice?

Rugby.

Rugby. Well, it's off to a bad start.

What can I tell you?

Get out of the scrum for a while.

I'll get even.

Yeah... keep talking.

Don't worry about me.

I've read the play, I know the text by heart, there's no problem.

And with the money I've just received, I'm going to make some little ones.

Will you give me the recipe?

Well, that's simple. The casino.

You'll lose your shirt!

I have one chance of losing and three chances of winning.

And with the tenth they advanced me, I could pay off some of my debts.

What nerve! Do you really think you'll break the bank?

No, but the remaining 9/10, well, where do you find them?

- At the casino. - Not a bad idea.

I haven't been there in a long time. I'll be right behind you.

Please, go ahead.

It's very relaxing.

I always put this tape on because when I'm driving, it relaxes me.

It's a... New Age tape.

It's good. It's New Age.

Oh, it's relaxing. Really relaxing. Ah, it's nice. It's nice music.

I've always wanted to go to India.

India is beautiful.

But there are a lot of poor people.

Do you know India? Do you know it?

Are we in profit yet?

- No, we're in Sainte-Sabine. - Saint-Sabine?

What the hell is Saint-Sabine? I thought we were going to the casino.

- We're not? - No, we're in the Gold Coast.

Because in the Gold Coast, I make gold.

How many kilometers did we drive?

- You're going to explain yourself. - Don't get upset.

Come on, let's get a cup of coffee. Let's go.

I get it.

All right, you have to travel 300 kilometers to play at the casino.

So what? 300 kilometers is nothing to go to the casino.

Besides, you didn't even notice.

But when I get to the casino, I'm going to play the orphans.

That's my martingale.

Orphans is a classic.

Are you familiar with the flyswatter progression?

No I'm not.

Listen.

This mount requires a fairly large initial investment.

On the other hand, it gives you a good guarantee.

Here's how it works:

you apply the geometric progression 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256.

Risky, risky, you'll tell me?

Well, no, no, no.

Because Flyswatter has thought of everything.

He requires you to play each number three times.

1, 1, 1, 2, 2, 2, 4, 4, 4, 8, 8, 8, and so on.

At 256 256 256,

flyswatter says, stop!

Really?

Your game now spreads over 27 balls instead of 9.

You've thus avoided the series of 10

of 10, fatal to the martingale.

Cancelled, evacuated, finished.

- Do you win more on a full moon? - That's usually a good sign.

But you know, the moon can be fickle.

And dangerous.

Yes, you have to know how to play with chance.

My life is full of coincidences.

First, 20 francs.

Rien ne va plus.

Rien ne va plus.

28, odd and passe.

- Place your bets, gentlemen. - 5, 6, 24, 1, 14 and 20.

5, 6, 24, 1, 14 and 20. Place your bets.

Rien ne va plus.

That's it.

9, red and odd. Pick a number.

- Final two. - Final two by 100 francs.

Final two by 100.

Place your bets, gentlemen.

I'm not playing this one.

- Are you winning? - I'm making a fortune.

How are you doing?

Not so great, it's not the right time yet.

That's a shame. Look, do what I do. Pouet Pouet.

Look, it's a martingale. Mine wins. Check it out!

Pouet pouet, could you come with me for a minute?

Wait for me in the corridor, I'm coming. I'll get my money.

One more time.

Excuse me.

Thank you, sir.

Place your bets.

Okay, where is she?

Go ahead.

- Go ahead what? - What do you mean?

- Your martingale. - My martingale?

Wait, I'm going to do it right.

Pouet pouet.

Rien ne va plus.

7. Red, odd and manque.

The 19.

And the bet for the employees.

- Thank you, sir. - You're welcome.

Thank you.

Rien ne va plus.

Rien ne va plus.

- 15. - Black, odd and manque. Split.

Well, go on!

Ah, my martingale! Well, I don't mind, as it's you.

- Pouet, pouet. - The 25.

100 francs 25. Place your bets.

Rien ne va plus.

25. Red, odd and passe.

2000, 3500.

Thank you.

Take the bet for the employees.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, sir.

- Place your bets. - The 25.

Rien ne va plus.

25. Red, odd and passe.

Split and full.

- The 28. - 28.

Rien ne va plus.

28. Even and passe.

Thank you. The bet for the employees.

Thank you, sir.

- The employees' bet. - Thank you, sir.

Employees' bet.

Employees' bet.

Take the bet for the employees.

3, 4, 5, 10, 10000.

Thank you.

You're very lucky.

I won't say what kind of luck, I might offend you, but you're very lucky.

Luck of a... Well, you know what I mean.

Did you recognize me?

No, we don't. Should we?

Try to remember, we played here

for the Saint-Vincent festival, the patron of the winegrowers.

Saint-Vincent, we were there, yes.

"The bearded king who steps forward, who steps forward."

The role of Menelaus, the cuckold. It was me.

Are you making fun of me?

No, we're not.

What cuckold?

No, I don't know. Are you an actor?

Don't you remember me?

You're the one who playing the part of...

- ...what you're saying! - There you go.

I was the cuckold.

- I didn't recognise you. - Really?

Then you're stars!

- We'll take you both. - Hmm yes... Where to ?

A little mâchon in a cellar next door.

The others must be starting to wonder if you're breaking up the bank.

Come on, let's go have a drink together.

Well, I'd love to, but I don't have the time right now.

- I have to make an important phone call. - So, that's it for the casino?

Oh yes, I think I have to stop playing.

Good evening, sir.

10, 20, 25000, sir.

Very good.

It can't be true!

I'm dreaming, I'm fantasizing. He's gone!

The crazy bastard's gone! No, this can't be!

Gentlemen, I have a problem. I don't know where Gaston is.

You know the gentleman you invited earlier.

I don't know where he is. I'm in trouble.

I don't have a driver.

It's strange that he left like that, without saying goodbye.

But after what he told us earlier... Haven't you seen the posters?

Yes I did, he's playing The Barber of Cadix.

The Barber of Cadix? What barber from Cadix?

- What are you talking about? - I saw the posters.

- Are you sure this is it? - Yes, The Barber of Cadix.

It's a Spanish thing, that's for sure.

Love, castanets and tango.

With stars, you should expect anything.

There are a lot of names on the poster, and I'm sure he's there.

In fact, when he said he was a star,

I immediately thought that's he was here for that.

And where is this theater?

But if you'd like, miss, we'd be happy to oblige.

We can take you there.

You know, we Burgundians don't come any better than Burgundy.

As you can see, you're standing next to Philippe le Hardi's castle.

There's no one bolder than us. Hardi, boys, let's go!

Bold, boys!

That's the theater.

I'm the king of love.

Love is a ring on every finger, on every finger, on every finger.

I'm the envy of the least submissive

girls, ready to do anything stupid, for a piece of my shirt.

I'm the king of the queen, the queen, the queen

And my most beautiful tiara, tiara, tiara.

It's a tail and two ears. The bravos of the Madrilenians

that crackle in the arena when the bull watches me.

- Ah, it's you! - You?

Your stubbornness will be your undoing.

You who want to arrogate all rights.

And don't insist, or you'll repent.

This wild orchid, beware, cannot be bought.

She's like a mirage to me that no one else can see through.

I will sing her me serenade, anyone who talks to her

will have to measure up to my weapons.

You want to play the matamores, but this game is not your forte.

I'm not afraid of kills and I love spikes.

I burn at her shining eyes, a banderilla that tears my soul.

This flower overflows your charm.

I'm the director of the troupe.

- Quiet! - Alright, alright...

Don't insist any further, I don't like the handsome man.

And I don't like the way you look at her.

Please take your escort and walk out the door.

This wild orchid can't be bought.

The wild orchid of my loves.

No, you haven't understood a thing.

Imagine, our work tool is being taken away from us.

Goodbye costumes, goodbye sets, goodbye castanets.

That's why we're here.

Me and my money.

I'm sure you're right. You're always right with money.

Follow me.

- And where are we going? - We're going to the set.

We're going to take a shortcut, I know the theater.

It's a change of scenery. We just have time.

- It's raining cats and dogs. - What are you saying?

I said it's raining like cats and dogs.

- When do we get fed? - During the fourth act.

- What's for dinner tonight? - I'm not hungry.

It's been three days... We didn't know where you were, old chap.

- I was in my Léon pants. - Is that so?

Well, I hope there's money in your pants too.

Don't get angry, Josélito, you'll damage your voice.

- Yeah, right. - Josélito, that rings a bell.

Josélito is the Spanish nightingale.

The nightingale will serenade you.

- You won't forget this one. - No, not here.

- Where are we eating tonight? - In our rooms, we'll make toast.

My castanets, where did I put my castanets?

Why are there only two guards?

That's right, an army would be nice.

He keeps saying he's not paid.

That he is either a machinist or a guitarist, but not both.

Where do we eat?

At the Silver Tower.

Careful! Careful, now!

On this beautiful moonlit night.

Please, don't be cruel.

After all, nothing bothers me, if I'm with my beautiful one.

What a job! How much did we do tonight?

It's not great at all.

Not great?

Well, Gaston, we need to have a serious talk.

Yeah, I know what you're gonna say to me.

You're going to talk to me...

You're going to talk to me about money.

It's not my fault if you're all playing like pigs and scaring the audience away.

And then I have to go to the casino to get paid.

You don't know how exhausting it is, do you?

There's one thing I don't understand.

With your abilities, you could have sung with the greats.

With Gaston, it's not the same.

No, no, I'm doing this to help him a little.

Oh, that's Burgundy!

Are we not bothering you?

- We were told we could go that way. - No, no, it's fine.

You don't bother anyone, you don't bother anyone.

Let's be serious, what are we eating?

With what's left, I've planned a dinner party in my room.

I think I'll do the same. Anyway, there's nothing left open.

Especially in our prices.

What are you doing, Poliné?

I don't know.

It's not good to stay like that, without supper.

- It's bad for your health. - Yes, no eating, no drinking...

- It's very bad for your health. - It's no good.

You're coming with us to Saturnin's party.

He'll be happy, Saturnin. Artists for his birthday.

- We want to take you to our party. - A party!

Well, my guitar and I are already there.

You can't refuse a little mâchon in a cellar.

And the whole troupe with it.

And you, are you coming with us?

Well, yes.

You will see at the Athens Museum, a piece of Demosthenes' prick!

And the balls of old Plato, and the balls of old Plato!

Daring, daring, sailor! The main mast raised, flag high!

In the ass, in the ass, sailor! The main mast raised during the flood!

You will see in a window, three hairs from Proserpine's ass!

And the balls of old Plato, and the balls of old Plato!

- Take me to the airport. - What airport? There's no airport here.

I don't care, I'm walking home.

Don't go, miss Fifi.

No thanks.

- I can't stand this anymore. - You'll see the sons of Hercules,

photographed as they fuck each other.

And the balls of old Plato, and the balls of old Plato!

You! The Spanish nightingale.

- Come over here. - Me?

You want to talk to Gaston?

And the balls of old Gaston, and the balls of old Gaston!

You're going to tell General Baccara of the roulette

that there is such a thing as a forfeit.

- A what? - Well, a forfeit!

For the reimbursement of the takings.

Tonight is a gala evening, an exceptional performance.

- Because... - Really? Is he performing tonight?

You don't know what a forfeit is? Because they do exist.

It's going to cost a lot of money to Gaston!

And the balls of old Gaston, and the balls of old Gaston!

Yes?

Miss Florès, a gift for you.

Thank you.

- And Gaston? - Gaston... Well, I'm glad to see you.

Where's Gaston?

- Where's Gaston? - He's here.

- But there's a glitch. - A glitch?

You've upset him. He's sensitive.

I upset him?

You asked me to give him a message, and I gave him the message.

You did the right thing.

I shouldn't have told him what you said.

It'll take him two days to recover.

To recover from what?

It's the word forfeit.

When he heard that word, forfeit, it gave him quite a shock.

- He turned green. - Like a lizard.

He had to hold on to something, so...

So what?

So... he fell into the Lord's vineyard.

The Lord's vineyard?

This.

And he has no memory at all.

Oh no, it can't be!

Just the man!

Follow us into the dressing room, you won't be disappointed.

Gaston's an old bore, Mr. Director. I'm sure he did it on purpose.

What's going on now?

Gaston, you have a visitor.

I should have taken milk. Vanilla.

Oh yes, I should have had vanilla milk right afterwards.

Well, I think he's gone for tonight.

- But he's there. - Him, yes.

But his memory is not.

But that's not possible! The room is full of VIPs.

It's the gala evening in the presence of the Minister's representative.

But, my dear friend, remember, we talked about this yesterday in my office.

When you asked me for a comfortable advance.

If I agreed, it was because of this!

But maybe things aren't as serious as we think.

I'll take care of it. Bring me...

Bring me a script, quickly!

What is the password for the Poldavian consulate?

Uh. Coco co...

chops.

Chops.

Chops, po po...

Pojarski.

- Pojenski. - Pojarski.

The Poldavian anthem.

A proud warrior wanted to make amends.

A proud warrior came out of his storm, wanted to wash...

A proud warrior, wanted to wash away the outrage.

He arrived, and swift as lightning.

The Poldavian anthem.

Yes, the Poldavian anthem, you know.

Excuse me, I'm having a bit of a memory lapse.

Yes, because yesterday we had a party

and it knocked the neurons out of me.

I should have drunk vanilla milk.

Yes, because vanilla milk revives.

The Poldavian anthem? Now I remember.

It always ends with "age", doesn't it?

Outrage or... Bondage?

It's a disaster.

We need a blower!

- Yes. - What do you mean, a driver?

I think you need a hole for the blower and a blower in the hole.

Mr. Léon, you're going to be our blower-savior.

Am I being demoted, Mr. Director?

No, you're not being demoted, Léon!

- You'll be both prompter and actor. - Really?

You'll come out during the Poldavian anthem

and the audience won't notice a thing.

Will I have the time.

Oh, an old-timer like you! You're not going to cause trouble for so little.

Well, it's going to be physical. And at my age...

And there would have to be a prompter left in the theater.

- She has a point. - Because it's been a long time since we

plugged the blower holes in theaters and got rid of the blowers with them.

That I know.

Impossible is not Poldavian.

No, no, no, no.

Ladies and Gentlemen of The Easter Egg. Good evening.

Curtain up in 30 minutes.

Sir, François Jacquard is still not in his dressing room.

With the look on his face yesterday, I'm not surprised.

But what do we do?

We'll ask the author.

He knows the ambassador's text.

Relieved?

Well, that's it.

François Jacquard is still not in his dressing room.

Mr. Grosjean thinks it'd be a good idea if you agreed to replace him for this evening.

Huh?

The ambassador's suits are in the closet on the right.

Ladies and gentlemen, curtain up in 20 minutes.

Come in.

- How are you? - Oh, it's you.

I came with my friends from Montreuil.

Are you still with your spics?

Whatever... can I borrow it?

Oh, don't ruin my hat!

You're right, Gaston.

Don't ruin my hat!

He'll grow, he'll grow, he'll grow because he's a spic.

He'll grow, he'll grow, he'll grow because he's a spic.

Olé!

He'll grow, he'll grow...

Olé!

Ladies and gentlemen, curtain up in five minutes.

Everything all right, Mr. Léon?

It's okay, it's okay.

I still have time.

He won't go on stage until act three.

Isn't it too tight in there?

It's a good thing I don't have your daughter to babysit tonight.

Mr. Léon!

You can't blame him for stealing your role.

Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen artists, on stage please.

On stage, please.

- Léon, I'm counting on you. - Yes, Mr. Director.

Have faith.

Mr. Minister's representative,

ladies and gentlemen officials,

ladies and gentlemen,

thank you for being here for the great charity evening that awaits you,

and which will enable you to applaud the great Parisian triumph of the year,

of the Folies Caumartin entitled The Easter Egg.

We've had a few minor incidents this afternoon,

which I'm sure won't affect the course of the show.

And I'm sure you're all in for a wonderful evening.

Thank you, thank you and good evening.

Hello, follow me, young man.

Hello!

Yummy Pizza at your service.

Is this the fourth floor?

Did someone order a Margherita pizza?

Yes, you're on the right floor!

Miss.

Classy!

Your eminent holiness is concerned about the bride's personality.

Yes, a very, very big coincidence.

Why does she live in the Paris apartment of the French ambassador to Ogooué-Lolo.

Africa. Chocolate.

Poldavia. All very connected.

Suspect.

Yes, suspect.

Yes, we'll have to check if no child is in the back with Prince Gustave.

Not in the back!

You consul from Poldavia to Paris.

Can't even understand French.

- You know nothing. - That's right.

Very true.

I'd go so far as to say it's very accurate.

- I don't know. - You still don't know.

They say she works as a chambermaid.

Could she be an adventuress?

Placed there by Chocolate Company, terrible enemy Galinichka cocoa Poldavia,

to blackmail our Prince Zaremberg

and provoke the fall of the Poldavian zloty and put Poldavia in great difficulty to

to buy cocoa on the world market and Chocolate Company to take over the market.

I hadn't thought about it, but it's very plausible that she's in the pay of...

Plausible?

Cho patek! Cho patek!

Cho patek? Oh no, your eminent holiness.

But perhaps a little investigation by our very special services...

Yes, very good. You investigate.

Believe me, your most eminent holiness,

I'm well aware of the importance of cocoa prices holding up well.

All the cocoa from this small African country.

Ogooué-Lolo, is of vital importance to our industry.

Our little Poldavia, our foster mother, would be like a cow without milk.

But come on, Paulette, how many times do I have to repeat myself, don't hit something

with a feather duster like that, you'll end up breaking something.

But it's not my fault, ma'am. I don't know what's wrong with me, but...

What are you doing here?

I'm listening.

Who's that?

- What are you doing here? - I'm the prompter.

I'd like to speak to Miss Lafleur, Paulette.

Be a good prompter.

Nikolai Murlokov, head pastry chef, Poldavian Consulate.

What kind of cake is that?

It comes from the Poldavian consulate in Paris.

I'm the sewing man.

I've come to measure...

And where's the Poldavian accent?

Just the thing, I'm the bride-to-be.

Who is it, Paulette?

The sewing man, he's going to do measurements.

Send him in.

Take my measurements...

I'm coming!

Aren't you the golden needle Madame is always talking about?

The fashion thermometer?

The barometer Paulette, the barometer.

Dear Master, I never expected your visit.

I stopped by the salon the other day

and said I was very interested in several of your models.

But to imagine you in my home, in person. I can't wait.

- Oh, sewing is a dream. - Yes, that's it.

It's taking the dream's measurements.

And the Poldavian accent?

What a gentleman!

We're talking about my own measurements, ma'am.

- Looks like it's going pretty well. - Yes, the prompter idea...

- Chocolate, cho-co-late. - You have...

You have head...

little gourmet, love chocolate, right?

- How did you guess? - How did I guess?

Sandomir. Very observant.

Sees everything, even what fools think they don't see.

Even what fools think they don't see.

I can't understand a word he's saying.

Oh shit!

Very small production of cocoa Ogooué-Lolo ?

Ogooué-Lolo.

- All cocoa for great lady. - All cacoco...

Cocoa...

Great miss! Great miss!

But I'm not Coco Chanel!

Not coco. Cocoa.

You're very clever.

Hara Kiri. Hara Ki...?

No, Mata Hari. Mata Hari!

- What? - Mata Hari! Hari!

Kiri... Kiri... Kiri!

Mata Hari!

Mata Hari!

First it's cocoa, now it's cheese!

You very clever. You deflect conversation.

You...

Ah shit, I had it... To defl...

To deflect conversation.

Hara Kiri, great spy. Unfortunately, bad ending.

Great spy.

Not bad! Not bad, not bad.

There, very good.

So you know everything about cocoa.

Why you at French embassy in Ochoué-Loto?

Ogooué-Lolo! Lolo!

Ogooué-Lolo!

To Ochoué-Lolo. Why Lolo?

Can you believe it? Come on...

Oh, what a curious fellow!

Ma'am, Ma'am, it's gossip from the top! Ma'am.

Ma'am. He said gossip from the top.

So...

Where's my milk?

What do you mean, what milk? My vanilla milk!

Understands nothing.... Well, come on, we're going to be late.

A proud warrior.

Quick as a flash.

Long live the egg!

For the prince.

Drums roll. Drum rolls.

Let's wake up!

Let's wake up!

Poldavia shines in the daylight.

Poldavia shines in the daylight

Pold...

Poldavia shines...

...shines in the daylight.

- It was so hot down there. - We dodged a bullet!

From His Royal Highness.

In your Poldavian head!

Scandals are bound to occur, but woe to the man through whom they come!

Closing! Closing!

Opening.

My dear future little Highness of Poldavia,

you were chambermaid to the ambassador of Ogooué-Lala, weren't you?

Yes, like all people, Poldavians love fairy tales.

Chambermaid becomes princess!

Chambermaid... Fetch me a cloth, girl!

- A rag. But hurry up! - A rag!

Yes, right away, ma'am.

- Mr. Léon, do you have a rag? - Aye, aye, Princess.

They do, do, do this way... ...The little puppets...

...They do, do, do this way... ...Three little turns and then they go away.

Opening.

Ô Thalia! Muse of comedy.