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1
00:00:22,798 --> 00:00:25,193
Hey, Wild Eagle,
what's this thing?
2
00:00:25,217 --> 00:00:27,829
Even the Apaches don't
have bows and arrows like that.
3
00:00:27,853 --> 00:00:29,247
I thought you always told us
4
00:00:29,271 --> 00:00:31,282
the Hekawis were
lovers and not fighters.
5
00:00:31,306 --> 00:00:33,184
This not for fighting.
6
00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:35,587
New invention
for hunting buffalo.
7
00:00:35,611 --> 00:00:37,655
Oh, you've got to be kidding.
8
00:00:37,679 --> 00:00:39,657
Whatever happened to
just jumping on a horse
9
00:00:39,681 --> 00:00:41,009
and riding out to the herd?
10
00:00:41,033 --> 00:00:42,744
Two things wrong with that:
11
00:00:42,768 --> 00:00:45,246
One, Hekawis afraid of buffalo.
12
00:00:45,270 --> 00:00:47,782
Two, Hekawis afraid of horses.
13
00:00:47,806 --> 00:00:49,684
Does this thing really work?
14
00:00:49,708 --> 00:00:51,686
We're giving it
first test today.
15
00:00:51,710 --> 00:00:54,389
Been on tribal drawing
board for months.
16
00:00:54,413 --> 00:00:56,290
Ready to load, chief.
17
00:00:56,314 --> 00:00:58,025
Load arrow.
18
00:01:01,570 --> 00:01:03,981
Uh, what are you aiming it?
19
00:01:04,005 --> 00:01:05,783
Scouts say buffalo
herd that way,
20
00:01:05,807 --> 00:01:07,135
grazing near river.
21
00:01:07,159 --> 00:01:09,425
Arrow all loaded, chief.
22
00:01:17,085 --> 00:01:19,547
Stand by for buffalo shot.
23
00:01:19,571 --> 00:01:23,951
10, nine, eight...
24
00:01:23,975 --> 00:01:26,354
You better fire that thing
or the herd will move.
25
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,144
Fire one.
26
00:01:34,069 --> 00:01:36,581
Well, back to the
old drawing board.
27
00:01:36,605 --> 00:01:38,683
Yeah. Well, never
mind about that, chief.
28
00:01:38,707 --> 00:01:41,769
We came up here to make a deal
with you on your souvenir rings.
29
00:01:41,793 --> 00:01:43,338
Why you not say so?
30
00:01:43,362 --> 00:01:46,591
We pushing turquoise this month.
31
00:01:46,615 --> 00:01:50,884
Two north, three south,
32
00:01:52,203 --> 00:01:54,137
two west.
33
00:01:58,477 --> 00:02:00,655
You catch a wagon
train with big spenders?
34
00:02:00,679 --> 00:02:03,524
No, these are not for tourists.
These are for wedding rings.
35
00:02:03,548 --> 00:02:05,192
Wedding rings?
36
00:02:05,216 --> 00:02:08,180
We've gone into business with
a matchmaker over Dodge City
37
00:02:08,204 --> 00:02:09,764
who says that she
can provide a bride
38
00:02:09,788 --> 00:02:12,148
for every man in F
Troop who wants one.
39
00:02:13,075 --> 00:02:14,986
This one good for wedding ring.
40
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:18,294
Have band set
with valuable jewels.
41
00:02:19,381 --> 00:02:20,675
Jewels?
42
00:02:20,699 --> 00:02:22,966
It looks like glass to me.
43
00:02:27,956 --> 00:02:31,986
Not glass. Genuine
turquoise, 24 carats.
44
00:02:32,010 --> 00:02:35,745
If that's 24 carats,
then I'm a rabbit.
45
00:02:36,664 --> 00:02:38,259
Never mind about that.
46
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,261
Chief, get to work, make
us more of those rings.
47
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,679
And we'll be back tomorrow.
48
00:02:41,703 --> 00:02:42,881
We gotta go meet that stage.
49
00:02:42,905 --> 00:02:44,699
The matchmaker is
due in this afternoon.
50
00:02:44,723 --> 00:02:46,267
Right, sarge, So
long, Wild Eagle.
51
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,319
So long.
52
00:02:47,343 --> 00:02:49,653
Wanna make another
buffalo shot, chief?
53
00:02:49,677 --> 00:02:52,223
This time not aim at tepees.
54
00:02:55,433 --> 00:02:56,895
This time, me do it.
55
00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:59,019
Right, chief.
56
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:07,727
Wonder where that
one is going, chief.
57
00:04:06,437 --> 00:04:07,832
Stage is late again, sarge.
58
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:10,618
Whoever said that marriages
were made in heaven was wrong.
59
00:04:10,642 --> 00:04:12,954
We're making 'em right
here in Fort Courage.
60
00:04:12,978 --> 00:04:16,274
Hey, sarge, has that
matchmaking lady arrived yet?
61
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,176
No, but she ought to
be along any minute now.
62
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,794
I'm telling you
right now, O'Rourke.
63
00:04:19,818 --> 00:04:21,329
You're not getting my $25
64
00:04:21,353 --> 00:04:23,531
till I see what my
bride-to-be looks like.
65
00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:26,784
Are you trying to say you
don't trust our taste in women?
66
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:30,005
No. We're trying to say we
don't trust your taste in anything.
67
00:04:30,029 --> 00:04:32,339
I'm warning you, Dobbs...
Now, wait a minute.
68
00:04:32,363 --> 00:04:35,409
The lady said she's bringing
photographs of all these girls.
69
00:04:35,433 --> 00:04:38,195
Good. The last time you were
in the matchmaking business
70
00:04:38,219 --> 00:04:39,681
you tried to match
me up with a lady
71
00:04:39,705 --> 00:04:41,483
and I found we had only
one thing in common.
72
00:04:41,507 --> 00:04:42,533
Yeah, what was that?
73
00:04:42,557 --> 00:04:44,602
We both admired
Benjamin Franklin.
74
00:04:44,626 --> 00:04:46,020
Only, she used to date him.
75
00:04:46,044 --> 00:04:47,521
Now, hold it, Dobbs.
76
00:04:47,545 --> 00:04:50,224
I'm telling you, sarge, she was
old enough to be my mother.
77
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:53,377
The one you matched
me up with was her mother.
78
00:04:53,401 --> 00:04:55,813
Wait a minute, I told you
I'm gonna show pictures
79
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,982
so you won't be
buying a pig in a poke.
80
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:00,285
That was the second girl
he matched me up with.
81
00:05:00,309 --> 00:05:01,435
I'm warning you, Dobbs.
82
00:05:01,459 --> 00:05:04,043
Get lost, the both of you.
83
00:05:10,318 --> 00:05:11,512
Wilton, be careful.
84
00:05:11,536 --> 00:05:13,331
You could have broken
my jar of my pickles.
85
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:15,032
Don't worry, Jane.
Everything's fine.
86
00:05:15,056 --> 00:05:16,350
Oh, I forgot the napkins.
87
00:05:16,374 --> 00:05:18,241
I'll just be a minute.
88
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,207
Good afternoon, men.
89
00:05:23,231 --> 00:05:25,310
You're meeting the
afternoon stage from Dodge?
90
00:05:25,334 --> 00:05:26,560
That's right, sir, yes.
91
00:05:26,584 --> 00:05:28,178
And who's arriving?
92
00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:29,747
A matchmaker.
93
00:05:37,112 --> 00:05:39,774
You... You did say a
matchmaker, didn't you?
94
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,943
Oh, yes. Miss
Samantha Oglesby, sir.
95
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:44,412
She's known around
here as Marrying Sam.
96
00:05:44,436 --> 00:05:46,681
Her motto is the same
as the Mounted Police:
97
00:05:46,705 --> 00:05:48,138
she always gets her man.
98
00:05:49,691 --> 00:05:52,520
Certainly, I have no objection
to the men getting married.
99
00:05:52,544 --> 00:05:55,022
But sometimes a thing like
this could get out of hand,
100
00:05:55,046 --> 00:05:56,173
and the first thing you know
101
00:05:56,197 --> 00:05:58,476
every unmarried
girl in Fort Courage
102
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:00,344
breaks out with
the marriage fever.
103
00:06:00,368 --> 00:06:02,129
Don't you worry
about a thing, sir.
104
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,931
I'm sure that we can
keep Wrangler Jane
105
00:06:03,955 --> 00:06:05,766
from catching this
dreaded disease.
106
00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:06,851
You can trust us, sir.
107
00:06:06,875 --> 00:06:08,035
Thank you.
108
00:06:08,059 --> 00:06:09,771
Hi, fellas.
109
00:06:09,795 --> 00:06:10,838
Who are you waiting for?
110
00:06:10,862 --> 00:06:12,240
The matchmaker.
111
00:06:12,264 --> 00:06:13,858
Matchmaker?
112
00:06:13,882 --> 00:06:16,160
Uh, it's a Swedish fella, yeah.
113
00:06:16,184 --> 00:06:19,246
It's Ollie Swenson,
makes matches.
114
00:06:19,270 --> 00:06:20,681
Yes, that's right, Jane,
115
00:06:20,705 --> 00:06:22,784
with these little pieces
of wood and phosphorus.
116
00:06:22,808 --> 00:06:23,868
I'll explain all about it
117
00:06:23,892 --> 00:06:26,270
on the way out to
the picnic grounds.
118
00:06:33,035 --> 00:06:34,228
Ah. Ha, ha.
119
00:06:34,252 --> 00:06:35,713
Oh, my.
120
00:06:35,737 --> 00:06:37,448
There we are. Oh, dear.
121
00:06:37,472 --> 00:06:39,750
Well, now, you must
be Miss Ogelsby.
122
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:41,719
Yes, you must be
Sergeant O'Rourke.
123
00:06:41,743 --> 00:06:43,337
Yes, ma'am. And
I'm Corporal Agarn.
124
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,422
How do you do?
125
00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:45,890
Here's your money, Miss Oglesby,
126
00:06:45,914 --> 00:06:48,125
and I sure do wanna
thank you, ma'am.
127
00:06:48,149 --> 00:06:49,477
Not at all, Slim.
128
00:06:49,501 --> 00:06:51,279
I wanna wish you
both a lot of happiness.
129
00:06:51,303 --> 00:06:54,014
Thanks again.
Giddyup there, come on.
130
00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:57,818
Oh, dear, just
another grateful client.
131
00:06:57,842 --> 00:06:59,854
On the ride over
from Dodge, you know,
132
00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:02,857
I matched him up with a lovely
mule skinner from Cheyenne.
133
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:06,161
Yes, well, you matchmakers
certainly do keep busy, huh?
134
00:07:06,185 --> 00:07:08,484
We never sleep.
135
00:07:13,658 --> 00:07:15,920
Now, I'll get right to
the point, O'Rourke.
136
00:07:15,944 --> 00:07:18,789
Here are prospective brides
I thought it'd be just right
137
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:21,542
for those you mentioned in
your letter, Dobbs and Duffy.
138
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,611
Ah, good. They're
anxious to tie the knot.
139
00:07:23,635 --> 00:07:24,762
Sarge. What?
140
00:07:24,786 --> 00:07:26,964
These girls are beautiful!
141
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:29,467
Now, the dark-haired
one is from New Orleans.
142
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:31,702
She was queen of
the Cotton Carnival.
143
00:07:31,726 --> 00:07:34,922
She's driving me out of
my cotton-picking mind.
144
00:07:34,946 --> 00:07:37,324
Whoops. Yours is the blond.
145
00:07:37,348 --> 00:07:38,693
Oh.
146
00:07:38,717 --> 00:07:40,177
She's lovely too.
147
00:07:40,201 --> 00:07:42,413
Of course, I could
always see your wife
148
00:07:42,437 --> 00:07:44,215
when we come over
to your house for dinner.
149
00:07:44,239 --> 00:07:45,633
Glad to have you anytime...
150
00:07:45,657 --> 00:07:46,984
What am I talking about?
151
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:49,053
These girls are for
Dobbs and Duffy.
152
00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:50,922
You would take this
girl away from me
153
00:07:50,946 --> 00:07:52,406
and give her to a
man who was dating
154
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:55,526
Ben Franklin's old sweetheart?
155
00:07:55,550 --> 00:07:58,479
You're right, they're too
good for Dobbs and Duffy.
156
00:07:58,503 --> 00:08:00,614
Well, you fellows
make up your minds.
157
00:08:00,638 --> 00:08:02,850
I'm going in the saloon.
158
00:08:02,874 --> 00:08:05,219
Yeah, well, you won't find
any single men in there.
159
00:08:05,243 --> 00:08:08,494
I'm only looking for
one man: the bartender.
160
00:08:10,082 --> 00:08:13,077
"Sally Jean Tyler."
161
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:14,979
"Shauna Kelly."
162
00:08:15,003 --> 00:08:17,548
An Irish lass if ever I saw one.
163
00:08:17,572 --> 00:08:20,468
Oh, sarge, I am in love.
164
00:08:20,492 --> 00:08:23,554
So am I, Agarn, so am I.
165
00:08:37,276 --> 00:08:38,502
You know, sarge,
166
00:08:38,526 --> 00:08:40,287
I never thought I'd
wanna get married
167
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:41,956
until I saw Sally Jean.
168
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,240
Ah, well, sooner or later,
169
00:08:43,264 --> 00:08:44,725
we were both gonna
make the jump.
170
00:08:44,749 --> 00:08:46,994
I tell you one thing. We
could never find ourselves
171
00:08:47,018 --> 00:08:49,030
two prettier girls than these.
172
00:08:49,054 --> 00:08:52,116
It'd be nice to hear the patter
of little feet around the house.
173
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:54,507
We're gonna have a
dog over at our house too.
174
00:08:56,377 --> 00:08:59,273
Sarge, I'm talking
about raising a family.
175
00:08:59,297 --> 00:09:01,109
Oh, I was only
kidding you, Agarn.
176
00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:05,062
Yeah, I'm looking forward
to raising a family myself.
177
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:09,266
Sarge, we ought to buy our
houses right next to each other.
178
00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:10,934
I'd kinda like you
for a neighbor.
179
00:09:10,958 --> 00:09:14,889
And I think I'd like you
for a neighbor too, Agarn.
180
00:09:22,737 --> 00:09:26,584
Oh, it's... It's gonna be great.
181
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,586
You and me, buddies.
182
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,621
Shauna and Sally, buddies.
183
00:09:30,645 --> 00:09:33,641
Just one big happy family.
184
00:09:33,665 --> 00:09:37,060
Just... Just gonna be great.
185
00:10:12,870 --> 00:10:15,583
All you ever do every Sunday
186
00:10:15,607 --> 00:10:17,051
is sit around here drinking beer
187
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:20,254
and looking at those
stereopticon slides.
188
00:10:20,278 --> 00:10:23,624
What? These happen to
be slides of a new game
189
00:10:23,648 --> 00:10:27,245
invented by a fellow named
Doubleday called baseball!
190
00:10:27,269 --> 00:10:29,046
Who cares?!
191
00:10:29,070 --> 00:10:30,531
I care!
192
00:10:30,555 --> 00:10:32,082
So if you'll just shut up,
193
00:10:32,106 --> 00:10:33,717
I'd like to watch
the rest of the game.
194
00:10:33,741 --> 00:10:36,904
Well, I just invented a game,
195
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:40,113
and it's called Fix the Pump!
196
00:10:41,399 --> 00:10:42,493
How do you play that?
197
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,662
With a wrench!
198
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:47,682
All right! A man
can't sit down to relax
199
00:10:47,706 --> 00:10:49,033
after a hard week at the fort!
200
00:10:49,057 --> 00:10:50,384
Ha! The only one who's had
201
00:10:50,408 --> 00:10:52,620
a hard week at the fort
has been your horse.
202
00:10:52,644 --> 00:10:54,555
Let him look at the slides.
203
00:10:54,579 --> 00:10:56,457
He hates baseball.
204
00:10:56,481 --> 00:10:59,543
Loves horseshoes,
hates baseball.
205
00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:02,413
Fix the pump!
206
00:11:02,437 --> 00:11:04,998
You know I'm not very
good at mechanical things.
207
00:11:05,022 --> 00:11:07,301
I know that and you know that,
208
00:11:07,325 --> 00:11:09,570
but Marrying Sam
didn't know that.
209
00:11:09,594 --> 00:11:13,941
She didn't know about
your bathrobe either, huh?
210
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:16,276
Well, I wouldn't be
wearing this bathrobe
211
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,545
if I didn't have such
a cheap husband.
212
00:11:18,569 --> 00:11:20,998
Look at that furniture.
213
00:11:21,022 --> 00:11:23,084
Ain't nothing wrong
with that furniture.
214
00:11:23,108 --> 00:11:25,119
It's antique, early American.
215
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,254
What do you mean antique?
216
00:11:27,278 --> 00:11:29,623
We are early Americans.
217
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:34,266
All right, all right,
I'll fix the pump.
218
00:11:35,854 --> 00:11:37,047
What's the matter with it?!
219
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,582
The water doesn't come out.
220
00:11:38,606 --> 00:11:41,441
Something seems
to be stuck up there.
221
00:11:44,462 --> 00:11:47,379
Well, the pump is fixed.
222
00:11:49,650 --> 00:11:53,831
You did that on
purpose, you beast!
223
00:11:53,855 --> 00:11:57,284
I'm sorry it spoiled
your hairdo!
224
00:11:57,308 --> 00:11:59,053
Hi, neighbor.
225
00:11:59,077 --> 00:12:00,938
Every time you
say, "Hi, neighbor,"
226
00:12:00,962 --> 00:12:03,040
you wanna borrow
something. What is it this time?
227
00:12:03,064 --> 00:12:04,942
A cup of sugar.
I'm baking a cake.
228
00:12:04,966 --> 00:12:06,610
Baking a cake? Yeah.
229
00:12:06,634 --> 00:12:08,061
Well, that's woman's work.
230
00:12:08,085 --> 00:12:11,315
You ought to be here with
me watching the ball game.
231
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:13,951
I know that, Agarn, but I
promised the little woman
232
00:12:13,975 --> 00:12:16,253
I'd help her around the
house today, that's all.
233
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,473
Why, you poor, henpecked soul.
234
00:12:18,497 --> 00:12:20,291
A man's home is his castle,
235
00:12:20,315 --> 00:12:23,076
and in his castle,
a man is king.
236
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:25,713
Look, I didn't come over
here for a cup of philosophy.
237
00:12:25,737 --> 00:12:27,097
I come over for a cup of sugar.
238
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:29,066
Now what do you
wanna borrow, O'Rourke?
239
00:12:29,090 --> 00:12:30,467
A cup of sugar.
240
00:12:30,491 --> 00:12:31,919
He's gonna bake a cake.
241
00:12:31,943 --> 00:12:33,204
Isn't that a riot? Ha, ha!
242
00:12:33,228 --> 00:12:35,539
I'm not laughing.
243
00:12:35,563 --> 00:12:37,008
Where's your sense of humor?
244
00:12:37,032 --> 00:12:40,861
I lost it the day I carried
you over the threshold.
245
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,563
All I want is a cup of sugar.
246
00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:43,948
You keep out of this, O'Rourke.
247
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:45,432
Yeah, you keep out of this.
248
00:12:45,456 --> 00:12:48,152
He's baking cakes and
you can't even fix the pump,
249
00:12:48,176 --> 00:12:49,336
you lazy clod!
250
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,111
Who's a clod?! You are!
251
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,865
When is the last time
you baked a cake?!
252
00:13:00,889 --> 00:13:03,329
Don't tell me how
to run a house!
253
00:13:04,042 --> 00:13:05,769
Ah, I know how you feel, Sally.
254
00:13:05,793 --> 00:13:07,193
I lived with him for nine years.
255
00:13:08,129 --> 00:13:09,673
Nine years together, O'Rourke,
256
00:13:09,697 --> 00:13:11,797
and you never baked me a cake.
257
00:13:17,555 --> 00:13:20,951
Sally, Sally, stop. Sally.
Sally, someone could get hurt.
258
00:13:20,975 --> 00:13:22,586
Agarn, wake up,
wake up, wake up.
259
00:13:22,610 --> 00:13:25,322
Someone could get
hurt. Sally, Sally...
260
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,124
Some neighbor. What?
261
00:13:27,148 --> 00:13:29,860
Not only aren't you
gonna get a cup of sugar,
262
00:13:29,884 --> 00:13:31,862
but I never want you to set foot
263
00:13:31,886 --> 00:13:35,104
in my house as long as you live.
264
00:13:36,290 --> 00:13:37,517
What?
265
00:13:43,214 --> 00:13:46,177
Wait, Agarn, I
wanna talk to you.
266
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:48,929
Barney, did you hear a voice?
267
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,514
Agarn.
268
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:53,668
Why, if it isn't my
neighbor, the cake baker,
269
00:13:53,692 --> 00:13:55,469
who's trying to break
up my marriage.
270
00:13:55,493 --> 00:13:58,438
Come on, have you gone
off your rocker or something?
271
00:13:58,462 --> 00:14:00,658
Look, O'Rourke,
272
00:14:00,682 --> 00:14:02,859
I saw exactly what
it's gonna be like
273
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,345
living next door to you.
274
00:14:04,369 --> 00:14:05,729
What, in a dream?
275
00:14:05,753 --> 00:14:08,032
My dreams always come true.
276
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:10,234
Well, let me tell you
something, if I was married
277
00:14:10,258 --> 00:14:11,969
I can assure you, I
wouldn't do anything
278
00:14:11,993 --> 00:14:14,988
to come between
you and your wife. Ha!
279
00:14:16,263 --> 00:14:18,509
Even Barney's
laughing at that one.
280
00:14:18,533 --> 00:14:20,144
But if it'll make
you feel any better,
281
00:14:20,168 --> 00:14:22,162
I've decided not to get married.
282
00:14:22,186 --> 00:14:23,931
You have? That's right.
283
00:14:23,955 --> 00:14:25,899
I mean, I'd rather be
a bachelor all my life
284
00:14:25,923 --> 00:14:28,469
than let anything
break up our friendship.
285
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:31,121
Sarge, you really mean that?
286
00:14:31,145 --> 00:14:32,506
I sure do.
287
00:14:35,132 --> 00:14:39,246
Now, Barney, that's not funny.
Sometimes, you go too far.
288
00:14:39,270 --> 00:14:41,081
And besides, I
don't know anything
289
00:14:41,105 --> 00:14:43,217
about baking cakes either.
290
00:14:43,241 --> 00:14:44,835
I don't blame you, sarge.
291
00:14:44,859 --> 00:14:47,171
Those two dames would
just push us around. Come on.
292
00:14:47,195 --> 00:14:49,173
Wait! Where are we going?
293
00:14:49,197 --> 00:14:52,626
I'm gonna stick that big
mouth Dobbs with Sally.
294
00:14:52,650 --> 00:14:55,545
And don't say a word
about the robe she wears.
295
00:14:55,569 --> 00:14:56,864
Wait a minute,
296
00:14:56,888 --> 00:14:58,933
we're not gonna stick
anybody with these girls.
297
00:14:58,957 --> 00:15:00,468
I've been thinking it over
298
00:15:00,492 --> 00:15:03,036
and I've decided that horse
soldiers shouldn't be married.
299
00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:07,574
I mean, wives could break
up F Troop just like that.
300
00:15:07,598 --> 00:15:10,394
Sarge, you're all cavalry.
301
00:15:10,418 --> 00:15:12,296
Yeah.
302
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,999
Why aren't you
marrying those two girls?
303
00:15:15,023 --> 00:15:17,134
Well, I don't wanna be
pushed around by a wife
304
00:15:17,158 --> 00:15:19,536
who wears torn moccasins
and a beat-up old robe.
305
00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,238
How can you say
that about Sally?
306
00:15:21,262 --> 00:15:22,957
She still got the beat-up robe
307
00:15:22,981 --> 00:15:25,509
but she bought herself
a new pair of moccasins.
308
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:28,379
Yeah, well, now, it's nothing
against the girls, Miss Oglesby.
309
00:15:28,403 --> 00:15:30,481
But we just think that
for the good of everybody,
310
00:15:30,505 --> 00:15:32,582
we oughta call this whole
matchmaking thing off.
311
00:15:32,606 --> 00:15:33,950
All right with me.
312
00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:36,253
Picked up a new
client this afternoon.
313
00:15:36,277 --> 00:15:37,772
One of the fellows in town?
314
00:15:37,796 --> 00:15:39,906
No. One of the girls
in town. Wrangler Jane.
315
00:15:39,930 --> 00:15:41,508
Wrangler Jane?!
316
00:15:41,532 --> 00:15:44,211
That's the one. Gonna
get that little gal married
317
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,846
to Captain Parmenter by sundown.
318
00:15:45,870 --> 00:15:47,519
Here's to you.
319
00:15:48,673 --> 00:15:50,651
Jane has hired the matchmaker?
320
00:15:50,675 --> 00:15:53,220
Yes, sir, and that
Marrying Sam says
321
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:54,888
she'll have you
married by sundown.
322
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,340
If I may say so, sir,
323
00:15:56,364 --> 00:15:59,059
I suggest you leave immediately
on an Indian scouting mission.
324
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,811
Where do you think I
should go, sergeant?
325
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:03,330
Sir, may I suggest scouting
the Aztecs in Mexico?
326
00:16:03,354 --> 00:16:06,450
Oh, really, corporal.
The Incas in Peru?
327
00:16:06,474 --> 00:16:08,035
Agarn!
328
00:16:08,059 --> 00:16:10,170
Sir, it doesn't
matter where you go.
329
00:16:10,194 --> 00:16:12,172
Just get on your horse
and get out of town.
330
00:16:12,196 --> 00:16:14,975
Right, sergeant. Yeah. Come on.
331
00:16:14,999 --> 00:16:16,477
Wait a minute,
332
00:16:16,501 --> 00:16:19,430
I don't know why I should let
this woman scare me out of town.
333
00:16:19,454 --> 00:16:21,381
I mean, if I'm not
ready to get married,
334
00:16:21,405 --> 00:16:23,617
nothing she says is going
to make me change my mind.
335
00:16:23,641 --> 00:16:26,703
Ha! That's just what the
major at Fort Bravo said.
336
00:16:26,727 --> 00:16:28,271
And now he's honeymooning
337
00:16:28,295 --> 00:16:31,108
with the bearded
lady from the circus.
338
00:16:31,132 --> 00:16:32,509
I hope my horse is saddled.
339
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:33,882
Yeah.
340
00:16:35,503 --> 00:16:37,181
Hold it, sir. What's the matter?
341
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,015
Here she comes.
342
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:40,300
What do I do now?
343
00:16:40,324 --> 00:16:41,918
Go hide. We'll
try to stall her, sir.
344
00:16:41,942 --> 00:16:43,192
Right, sergeant.
345
00:16:47,331 --> 00:16:49,476
Hey, well, if you're
looking for the captain,
346
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:51,044
he just went out
on a secret mission.
347
00:16:51,068 --> 00:16:54,397
I tell you, he's
not in his office...
348
00:16:54,421 --> 00:16:55,616
Where did he go?
349
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,485
Around the side of
the building. He's safe.
350
00:16:57,509 --> 00:16:59,470
Ah, good.
351
00:16:59,494 --> 00:17:01,755
All right, where's
Captain Parmenter?
352
00:17:01,779 --> 00:17:04,525
It's like I told you, he went
on a mission, ma'am, yes.
353
00:17:04,549 --> 00:17:06,226
Yeah, with a
two-week supply of food
354
00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:08,295
and an English-Aztec dictionary.
355
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:09,680
I don't believe it.
356
00:17:09,704 --> 00:17:12,216
I think that little coward is
hiding someplace in the fort.
357
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,051
Now what would he
be hiding from, ma'am?
358
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,820
Well, it's the
same trouble I had
359
00:17:15,844 --> 00:17:17,471
with that major at Fort Bravo.
360
00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,406
Well, who'd want
a bride with a dowry
361
00:17:19,430 --> 00:17:22,098
of a shaving mug
and a straight razor?
362
00:17:25,053 --> 00:17:26,997
Wait a minute now, Ms. Oglesby,
363
00:17:27,021 --> 00:17:34,377
- you can't go in there.
- You really...
364
00:17:38,566 --> 00:17:40,961
He was in there. I heard
him jump through the window.
365
00:17:40,985 --> 00:17:42,313
No, that wasn't the captain,
366
00:17:42,337 --> 00:17:44,447
somebody threw a rock
through the window. What?
367
00:17:44,471 --> 00:17:46,683
Every afternoon after
chow, the men throw rocks.
368
00:17:46,707 --> 00:17:48,068
That's right. I throw rocks,
369
00:17:48,092 --> 00:17:51,455
he throws rocks. Here.
370
00:17:51,479 --> 00:17:53,023
There's the mess hall.
371
00:17:53,047 --> 00:17:54,374
Oh, really.
372
00:17:54,398 --> 00:17:55,792
Aah!
373
00:17:55,816 --> 00:17:59,362
Now, wait a...
Agarn, it's all right.
374
00:18:22,193 --> 00:18:23,687
Now, believe me, Miss Oglesby,
375
00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:25,856
the captain has gone
on a secret mission.
376
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:27,041
I won't believe that
377
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:29,342
until I have turned
this fort upside down.
378
00:18:29,366 --> 00:18:31,729
But our fort is upside down.
379
00:18:31,753 --> 00:18:33,246
Then I'll turn it inside out.
380
00:18:33,270 --> 00:18:35,482
Miss Oglesby, you
are wasting your time.
381
00:18:35,506 --> 00:18:37,584
I tell you that the
captain has gone to...
382
00:18:39,260 --> 00:18:42,177
Uh, uh... Well...
383
00:18:44,315 --> 00:18:46,977
I mean, after all, if you
insist, yes, do be our guest.
384
00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:49,446
Just look around.
Aha! The guardhouse!
385
00:18:49,470 --> 00:18:52,215
He'd never expect me
to look for him there.
386
00:19:11,392 --> 00:19:13,192
Wilton?
387
00:19:15,496 --> 00:19:17,329
Wilton?
388
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:20,683
Wilton.
389
00:19:30,911 --> 00:19:34,008
Wilton, what happened?
390
00:19:34,032 --> 00:19:36,409
Ugh. Uh, well, Jane,
391
00:19:36,433 --> 00:19:40,247
there was something
wrong with this chandelier
392
00:19:40,271 --> 00:19:42,750
and I was trying to fix it.
393
00:19:42,774 --> 00:19:44,919
Aha! There you are,
Captain Parmenter.
394
00:19:44,943 --> 00:19:47,454
I should have known you'd
be hiding in the chandelier.
395
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:50,507
That's where I found
that major at Fort Bravo.
396
00:19:50,531 --> 00:19:52,909
Ms. Oglesby, I'd like to
have a word with Wilton.
397
00:19:52,933 --> 00:19:55,629
The only word I want you
to have with Wilton is "I do."
398
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:57,013
You leave everything to me.
399
00:19:57,037 --> 00:19:58,299
No, Miss Oglesby,
400
00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,433
I want to have a
word with Wilton first.
401
00:20:00,457 --> 00:20:02,502
Listen, Agarn, it's almost 4:00.
402
00:20:02,526 --> 00:20:04,604
Isn't that time for the
beer-drinking contest?
403
00:20:04,628 --> 00:20:07,257
You're right, sarge. Good.
404
00:20:07,281 --> 00:20:08,931
Wait for me!
405
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:12,429
Now, Jane, I know
what you're going to say.
406
00:20:12,453 --> 00:20:14,698
No, Wilton. I just
want to apologize
407
00:20:14,722 --> 00:20:16,800
for sending Miss
Oglesby after you.
408
00:20:16,824 --> 00:20:18,768
I realize you're not
the marrying kind.
409
00:20:18,792 --> 00:20:21,388
And no matchmaker in the
world is ever gonna change you.
410
00:20:21,412 --> 00:20:23,891
No, it isn't that I'm not
the marrying kind, Jane...
411
00:20:23,915 --> 00:20:25,509
What is it?
412
00:20:25,533 --> 00:20:28,879
Well, the Parmenter men
make terrible husbands.
413
00:20:28,903 --> 00:20:30,697
Well, you don't have
to worry about that.
414
00:20:30,721 --> 00:20:32,633
All men make terrible husbands.
415
00:20:32,657 --> 00:20:33,983
But Parmenters are different.
416
00:20:34,007 --> 00:20:35,719
You see, we're all military men.
417
00:20:35,743 --> 00:20:37,304
Being officers
is our whole life.
418
00:20:37,328 --> 00:20:40,190
And we just can't turn
it off at the end of a day.
419
00:20:40,214 --> 00:20:41,892
You'd never believe
how bad it would be
420
00:20:41,916 --> 00:20:43,577
being married to me.
421
00:20:43,601 --> 00:20:45,512
I can see it all now.
422
00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:48,048
There you are, setting
the table for dinner,
423
00:20:48,072 --> 00:20:50,600
as I'm coming
home from the fort.
424
00:20:56,981 --> 00:20:58,458
Attention!
425
00:20:58,482 --> 00:21:00,527
Oh.
426
00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:01,811
Wilton, you startled me.
427
00:21:01,835 --> 00:21:02,997
I don't know why.
428
00:21:03,021 --> 00:21:04,932
You know we have
inspection every night at 6.
429
00:21:04,956 --> 00:21:07,133
I keep forgetting. I'll
expect you to clean that up
430
00:21:07,157 --> 00:21:09,002
and, naturally, you'll
pay for the dishes.
431
00:21:09,026 --> 00:21:11,772
But I haven't finished paying
for the spinning wheel I broke.
432
00:21:11,796 --> 00:21:13,473
That's tough, Jane.
You're in the Army.
433
00:21:13,497 --> 00:21:14,624
Either shape up or ship out.
434
00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:16,098
Yes, Wilton.
435
00:21:19,687 --> 00:21:21,064
Jane, your bustle is wrinkled.
436
00:21:21,088 --> 00:21:22,582
There's a reason
for that, Wilton.
437
00:21:22,606 --> 00:21:25,152
I know. You've been sitting
around on your bustle all day.
438
00:21:25,176 --> 00:21:26,386
But, Wilton...
439
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:28,555
We don't talk back to
commanding officers.
440
00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:30,440
Yes, Wilton.
441
00:21:44,628 --> 00:21:45,622
Aha!
442
00:21:45,646 --> 00:21:47,024
You call this clean?
443
00:21:47,048 --> 00:21:49,692
I'm sorry, Wilton. I'm too
short to reach up there.
444
00:21:49,716 --> 00:21:52,095
If you were following
my exercise instructions,
445
00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:53,863
by now you could
stretch this high.
446
00:21:53,887 --> 00:21:56,600
I'm sorry, Wilton, but I've
had this pain in my back.
447
00:21:56,624 --> 00:21:59,219
I didn't see you at
sick call this morning.
448
00:21:59,243 --> 00:22:01,454
That's because I was
trying to finish this dress
449
00:22:01,478 --> 00:22:03,039
so we could go to
the dance tonight.
450
00:22:03,063 --> 00:22:05,175
There will be no dance.
451
00:22:05,199 --> 00:22:07,177
You're confined to quarters.
452
00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:10,197
But, Wilton, you promised
me I could go to the dance.
453
00:22:10,221 --> 00:22:12,131
Absolutely not. With
your wrinkled bustle,
454
00:22:12,155 --> 00:22:14,534
we'd be the laughingstock
of the Officers' Club.
455
00:22:14,558 --> 00:22:17,320
But, Wilton... You're
still at attention.
456
00:22:19,030 --> 00:22:21,475
Jane, stop that crying.
457
00:22:21,499 --> 00:22:24,227
Did you hear me, Jane?
I said stop that crying.
458
00:22:24,251 --> 00:22:27,747
Jane, stop crying,
and that is an order.
459
00:22:30,991 --> 00:22:33,787
Oh, please, Jane, don't cry.
460
00:22:33,811 --> 00:22:35,989
I'm sorry, Wilton.
461
00:22:36,013 --> 00:22:37,808
Actually, I'm glad
you told me this,
462
00:22:37,832 --> 00:22:40,393
because now I'd never
want to marry you.
463
00:22:40,417 --> 00:22:41,911
You wouldn't? No.
464
00:22:41,935 --> 00:22:44,080
Because I know
you wouldn't change
465
00:22:44,104 --> 00:22:48,106
and I love you too much
to ever want to change you.
466
00:22:50,961 --> 00:22:52,155
Jane.
467
00:22:52,179 --> 00:22:53,940
Yes, Wilton?
468
00:22:53,964 --> 00:22:55,909
Well, actually,
the Parmenter men
469
00:22:55,933 --> 00:22:57,544
aren't really as
bad as all that.
470
00:22:57,568 --> 00:22:59,496
They aren't? No, no.
471
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,815
My grandfather only inspected
my grandmother once a week.
472
00:23:02,839 --> 00:23:03,950
Really?
473
00:23:03,974 --> 00:23:05,836
And my father never
used a white glove.
474
00:23:05,860 --> 00:23:08,922
He just sort of ran his
finger around the room.
475
00:23:08,946 --> 00:23:11,091
What are you
trying to say, Wilton?
476
00:23:11,115 --> 00:23:13,460
Well, what I'm
trying to say, Jane,
477
00:23:13,484 --> 00:23:16,546
is that I think we
ought to set a date.
478
00:23:16,570 --> 00:23:17,964
A date?
479
00:23:17,988 --> 00:23:20,983
Yes. I think three months
from now should be about right.
480
00:23:21,007 --> 00:23:22,585
Oh, Wilton, I can't believe it.
481
00:23:22,609 --> 00:23:24,404
We're going to be
married in three months.
482
00:23:24,428 --> 00:23:25,872
Yeah. No, no, no,
483
00:23:25,896 --> 00:23:27,657
that's when we're
going to get engaged.
484
00:23:27,681 --> 00:23:30,109
Why can't we get engaged today?
485
00:23:30,133 --> 00:23:32,029
Well, because the Parmenter men
486
00:23:32,053 --> 00:23:36,299
believe in long courtships,
long engagements,
487
00:23:36,323 --> 00:23:39,453
and very long marriages.
488
00:23:48,352 --> 00:23:51,448
I'm sorry, chief, but we won't
be needing those wedding rings.
489
00:23:51,472 --> 00:23:52,865
What happened?
490
00:23:52,889 --> 00:23:54,300
Well, we just decided
491
00:23:54,324 --> 00:23:56,636
that marriage is bad
for horse soldiers.
492
00:23:56,660 --> 00:24:00,211
Ain't exactly a million
laughs for Indians either.
493
00:24:06,487 --> 00:24:08,599
Sergeant O'Rourke.
Captain Parmenter.
494
00:24:08,623 --> 00:24:09,783
What are you doing here?
495
00:24:09,807 --> 00:24:11,167
I'd like to buy a ring.
496
00:24:11,191 --> 00:24:14,287
Boy, did you come
to the right place.
497
00:24:14,311 --> 00:24:15,889
I like this one.
498
00:24:15,913 --> 00:24:19,776
Ah. All right, here.
Here you are, chief.
499
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:20,960
Oh.
500
00:24:20,984 --> 00:24:22,662
You want change?
501
00:24:22,686 --> 00:24:25,715
Yes, he does.
502
00:24:25,739 --> 00:24:28,485
Captain, you bought
Janey a wedding ring.
503
00:24:28,509 --> 00:24:30,019
Yeah. No. No, no.
504
00:24:30,043 --> 00:24:31,537
We're working up
to that right now.
505
00:24:31,561 --> 00:24:33,306
I'm just buying her
a friendship ring.
506
00:24:33,330 --> 00:24:35,542
Your right hand, Jane.
507
00:24:35,566 --> 00:24:36,993
Oh, well, don't
you worry, Janey,
508
00:24:37,017 --> 00:24:39,195
just seven more fingers
to go and you'll be married.
509
00:24:39,219 --> 00:24:44,017
Now, sarge, that is the
sweetest thing I have ever seen.
37425
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