Original subtitles

It's a shame we had to wake him up.

Just for this.

♪ Today they shoot Agarn ♪

♪ Wipe that tear From your eye ♪

♪ Soon Agarn will head ♪

♪ For that big fort In the sky ♪

About-face.

Forward, march.

Agarn, you're supposed to stand with your back to the pole.

By myself?

Here comes Major Hewitt, sir.

Good morning, men.

Well, here it is, sunrise.

Well, are you sure, sir?

The... The sun could be a little fast.

Captain, let's get started. I haven't had my breakfast yet.

Trooper, read the sentence of the tribunal.

"On this day, sentence of execution by firing squad,

"will be carried out on one Corporal Randolph Agarn.

"The said Corporal Agarn, having been judged responsible

for the death of one Sergeant Morgan O'Rourke."

♪ They say he has murdered ♪

♪ His good buddy and friend ♪

♪ Today they shoot Agarn ♪

♪ Oh, it looks like the end ♪

Proceed, captain.

So soon?

Captain Parmenter, I know this isn't easy for you.

But we of the Adjutant-General's office,

try to look upon it as

merely one of the more unpleasant aspects

of military life.

Like K.P.

Yes, sir. K.P.

And the sooner that you get it over with,

the sooner you've done your duty.

Duty. And when duty calls,

a good officer is always ready.

Ready.

No, no, no! Not ready. Not ready.

Oh, do get on with it, captain.

Yes, sir.

I wish we could trade places, corporal.

Well, I could put on your hat.

What am I saying?

I could be shot for impersonating an officer.

Huh.

Then I guess this is farewell.

Captain, ain't you supposed to ask me

if I have any last requests?

Oh! Oh, yes, yes. Thank you.

Thank you for reminding me.

Do you have any last requests?

Nah.

Captain, all this week, I've been practicing my taps.

Dobbs, I hardly think this is the occasion for dancing.

I meant the bugle call, sir.

That comes afterwards.

Corporal Agarn requested it, sir.

He said my playing was the last thing he wanted to hear.

Thanks, Dobbs.

Captain, a blindfold is customary on these occasions.

Oh. Yes. Yes, sir.

Captain. Yes, major?

The blindfold goes on the prisoner.

Oh. Of course. I... I was just testing.

Trooper, you do it.

Yes, sir.

How could a thing like this have happened?

I don't know, Dobbs.

It all seemed so innocent at the beginning.

I remember, it was just like any other day.

Oh, uh, captain, sir.

Oh.

Good morning. Good morning.

Captain.

Three riders are approaching the gate, sir.

Oh, that must be Major Hewitt,

along with a military guard, and the prisoner.

Oh.

One of them did look kind of mean and surly.

That's Major Hewitt, all right.

Welcome to Fort Courage, Major Hewitt.

Thought we'd never make it.

Delaney tried to escape three times.

Four. But who's counting?

What happened to him?

Well, he and Delaney had a little to-do.

Looks like his to-do got too done.

Go along to dispensary.

You're relieved of duty.

Captain, I'm gonna need one of your men tomorrow,

to escort this prisoner the rest of the way

to the Territorial Prison.

What did he do, major?

He stole military goods,

sold rifles to the Indians,

destroyed government property and tried to desert.

They gave him life imprisonment.

Not only that, but they took away my good conduct medal.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

I want him watched very carefully.

He's sly, tricky, and as sneaky as you can be.

Well, he won't put anything over on us.

Howdy, Wilton. Are you busy?

Uh, yes, I am, Jane.

Oh, uh... Major Hewitt, this is Jane Angelica Thrift.

Jane runs our general store.

Howdy, major.

Question is, does Miss Jane serve majors

in the general store?

Only in private.

I just thought I'd throw in

a little military humor there.

I won't introduce you to this other fellow, Jane.

What other fellow?

You fools, you let him get away!

Is that him?

Vanderbilt, stop that man.

What man?

Pardon me, sir, but did you see...?

Hey! Hey.

Good work, trooper.

I'm glad to see somebody around here has eagle eyes.

Now, I won't ask for a volunteer to escort Delaney to prison.

I've numbered these pieces of paper in here from 1 to 17.

And whoever picks the high number, 17,

will accompany the prisoner.

Now, we'll go by rank. Sergeant, you go first.

Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir.

All right, let's see here, now. I got, uh... I got 16.

Uh, huh. Corporal? Heh.

Now, let me look at this mathematically.

The sarge picked number 16,

which leaves 16 numbers in there.

So mathematically, it's one in 16

that I'll pick the high number,

or roughly, a six percent chance.

Pretty good odds, I'd say.

I'll leave immediately.

Troop, dismissed.

Congratulations, corporal.

How come I never win on raffles?

Now listen, you just be on your guard against that Delaney.

Me?

Sarge, vigilance is my middle name.

Oh... Uh, here are your orders.

They'll be safe with me, sir.

You'd better get your prisoner, and be on your way.

Yes, sir.

Well.

Uh... captain, uh...

Are you sure that he can handle this Delaney?

Wel, you heard him, sergeant. Vigilance is his middle name.

I know, but his last name is still Agarn.

I mean, I'd feel a lot better if someone else went along too.

Well...

I mean, you know, just as an extra precaution. Hmm?

You're absolutely right, sergeant. Ahh.

And I know just the man to go along.

Ah, yes, sir.

Take good care of the Fort while I'm gone.

Oh, and sergeant, uh, have the men police up the area.

Well, time to turn in.

Yeah, I can hardly wait for us all to go beddy-bye.

Don't get your hopes up, Delaney.

I've thought of everything.

Captain, sir, another pair of handcuffs in there.

Would you mind getting them?

Yeah, what's this for?

You and him, sir.

Double protection. Oh.

Now, that's good cavalry thinking, corporal.

Well, let's try and get some sleep.

I'm cold. I want a blanket.

Yeah. Don't you move. I'll get it.

The captain told you not to move.

Hey, I can't sleep like this.

Tough.

Now I can sleep.

Well, I'm afraid I can't.

I have to sleep on my stomach.

You better forget it, captain.

Wait, I've got an idea.

Pardon me.

Pardon me.

Pardon me.

I've gotta sleep on my back.

I gotta sleep on my side. Uhh.

Wait, I've got another idea.

Here. Uh, pardon me.

Pardon me. Uh, pardon me.

All right, now what?

There.

That's why he's a captain and I'm a corporal.

Morning. Morning.

Good... morning.

You know, captain,

there's something about sleeping under the stars,

with the sky for your blanket, the earth for your mattress,

that makes you... ache and pain all over.

Corporal, I suggest we take off these handcuffs now.

I didn't bring the key.

You didn't bring the key?

I thought you brought the key. No, I didn't bring it.

I thought you brought it.

Don't look at me, I didn't bring it.

Delaney, can you... pick a lock?

A lock, yes. Handcuffs, no.

This is a fine time not to be sneaky.

Now don't anybody panic. I'll think of something.

Well?

I can't think of anything. Now we panic.

Indians.

No, it's not Indians.

It's Wild Eagle, and Crazy Cat.

Chief, what are you shooting at us for?

We think you buffalo.

Oh, come on, chief.

Do I look like a buffalo?

Buffalo are stupid,

shaggy-haired and beady-eyed.

You keep talking, you end up on dinner table.

Who him? Oh, he's a prisoner.

Corporal Agarn's taking him to jail.

Him not look like nice man.

Him ain't.

How come you hold hands?

No, no. No, no. These are handcuffs.

You see, Corporal Agarn thought that I brought the key,

and I thought that Corporal Agarn brought it.

No, captain. You got it the other way around.

You thought that I brought the key,

and I thought that you brought the key.

Well, anyway, can you help us out, chief?

Me not bring key either.

Me use this. Me use this.

You so clumsy, you might scalp wrist.

Here? Cut, cut.

Now drop your gun belt, Agarn.

Oh, yes, sir.

Now we're gonna get out of here, and if you try to follow,

Agarn here's going on a lead diet.

Promise me, fellows, don't follow.

Don't follow.

Delaney, hold up. Slow down.

Come on, come on, Delaney.

Hold up. Delaney, slow it down.

How about for a while, I ride and you walk.

Heh, heh. Fat chance.

Hey, there's somebody coming.

Oh, good.

I knew the captain would send help.

Hey, you. Hey! Hold on there.

Didn't you see us?

Yep, but I thought you was a mirage.

We're real, all right. I'm Corporal Agarn.

My name's Hackett.

Clem Hackett.

How do you do, sir? Not very well.

I just found the Lost Dutchman Mine.

Only, I... I lost it again.

Well, I'm Corporal Agarn... I marked it on a map.

Only, I lost that too.

Well, I'm Corporal Agarn... I left it in the mine.

Will you listen to me, please?

Why should I listen to a man, who ain't introduced hisself?

Well, I'm Corporal Agarn, U.S. Cavalry.

This man is my prisoner,

and I need your help to get him to the next nearest town.

That would be Dry Gulch.

Well, then, take us to Dry Gulch.

I can't. It's flooded.

Well then, what's the next nearest town?

There ain't none.

Uh, wait a minute, old-timer.

You're not gonna put any stock

into what this liar says, are you?

What are you jawing about?

Well, the fact of the matter is, I'm Corporal Agarn,

and this man is my prisoner.

But this here fellow says that he...

You can't take the word of a prisoner.

I'm not the prisoner.

He is.

He is.

Well, I'm gonna settle this, once and for all.

I am Corporal Agarn, and here are my...

Here are my orders.

Yep, reckon you're the corporal.

You got them upside down.

Makes no never mind. I can't read anyhow.

He stole those papers.

Besides, what other proof does he have that he's me?

Yeah, what other proof do you have that you're him?

Now look, if I'm the prisoner and he's the corporal,

how come I'm riding and he's walking?

He could be stupid.

I am not stupid.

That settles it. He's the corporal.

Will you break these chains right away?

I wanna get this man to prison as fast as possible.

When did you get those papers?

Last night, when you were asleep.

How low can you get? Breaking into a man's uniform.

I used to sharpen my pick with this.

What do you mean, used to?

I left my pick in that danged mine.

Major.

Major, the Territorial Prison reports that Matt Delaney

was never delivered to them.

It looks bad, sir.

I'm afraid that Delaney has escaped.

Probably broke his handcuffs, and then killed Agarn.

For Agarn's sake, I hope so.

Corporal Agarn reporting, sir.

Agarn.

Thank heavens you're all right.

Where's Delaney?

He escaped.

Oh, it's a shame you lost the prisoner, corporal,

but accidents will happen.

That's right, captain. You lose one, you find one.

Not quite as simple as all that, corporal.

"When an escorting trooper allows a prisoner to escape,

"the trooper must finish out

the prisoner's sentence in his stead."

That's according to AR63-379, Subheading B.

That's not what it says here, sir.

What does it say there?

It's not Subheading B, it's Subheading C.

What edition do you have?

1866. '67.

Does that mean, sir, that...

Corporal Agarn has to go to the Territorial Prison

for the rest of his life? No. Only 99 years.

Captain, you will strip the prisoner of his rank.

Yes, sir.

I'm sorry, corporal.

I'll... have to have your stripes.

Pssst.

Hiya, Dobbs.

Look in my bugle.

There's a file in it. No wonder you play so bad.

Somebody's coming.

Hey, Agarn.

Hi, Duffy.

What's new in the outside world?

They captured the Alamo.

That I heard.

Look what I brought you.

It'll come in handy. In prison?

I'll have the saws I need. They make you learn a trade.

I don't want it. Take it.

I don't want it. Take it.

Yes. No.

Yes. No.

Yes. No.

Yes. No.

Yes. No.

Now look what you've done.

Shhh. Somebody's coming.

Hi, Agarn. Hi, sarge.

How are you feeling? Miserable.

You'd think after all these years of soldiering,

some of my buddies would help me escape.

Escape is not the answer.

The thing we've got to do is get that Delaney.

They'll never catch him. I'll just rot in prison.

Yeah, well you may rot, but it's not gonna be in any prison,

because I'm gonna go get him.

Sarge, you'd do that for me? Why?

Well, because I can't run O'Rourke Enterprises

without your conniving, scheming, shifty help.

You could always train Dobbs.

Yeah, I never thought of that.

Never mind.

Go get him, sarge.

Still warm, huh? What...?

Oh, I should have known better,

than to fall for that old warm campfire trick.

O'Rourke, you see that drop over there?

Here's something else you'll fall for.

I'll come and see you on visiting days, corporal.

Thanks, captain.

And if my mother writes you about me,

tell her I'm on a secret mission. For life.

Well, let's get going. We got a long way to travel.

Major, a rider just brought this for you.

Oh? Well, well.

Is it about Corporal Agarn, sir? Yes, it is.

He doesn't have to go to prison in Delaney's place.

Did you hear that, captain?

I don't have to go to prison in Delaney's place.

He has to get shot in Delaney's place.

Did you hear that, captain? I gotta get shot... Shot?

Agarn is still legally responsible

for Delaney's actions,

and Delaney has now killed somebody.

This gun belt that he took away from Agarn

was found at the scene of the murder.

Major, who was killed?

The late Sergeant Morgan O'Rourke.

The sarge? I don't believe it.

Neither do I. Never.

This hat was found at the base of a thousand-foot cliff.

It's all that was left.

Remember, Agarn, no fair peeking.

I know.

Any last words, Agarn?

All I wanna say is:

I went to prison in Delaney's place,

I'm gonna be shot in Delaney's place,

and pretty soon,

I'll be pushing up daisies in Delaney's place.

So these are my last words:

All in all, it's hardly been worthwhile knowing him.

And furthermore, I'd like to say...

Don't you think you said enough?

No. Because when I stop talking, you'll start shooting.

Give the order, captain.

I really don't think I can, sir.

Captain, give the order,

or the second thing I'm gonna do is strip you of your rank.

What's the first thing?

I'll give the order.

Ready.

Aim.

Captain.

Captain.

What's going on here?

We're shooting Agarn.

But you can't do that, sir.

Sergeant. You're alive.

Well, of course I'm alive, sir.

You say that you are, but can you prove it in court?

Delaney, here, tried to push me off a cliff,

but I got away just in time.

All he shot was my hat. Then I grabbed him.

Well, you got here just in time.

We were going to shoot Agarn in Delaney's place,

and I was just about to say fire...

Ahhh!

Oh, what have I done? Poor Agarn.

Oh, no, no. It's all right. He's not wounded, sir.

I think he's just probably fainted.

Hey, here we go.

Sarge, I knew we'd meet again.

Hi, buddy.

Are we in heaven, or that other place?

We're right here in Fort Courage.

Boy, once the Army gets you, they never let you let go.

No, no. You're not dead, and neither am I.

Here. Look here. Heh, heh. Really?

I just don't understand.

What, you don't understand what, sir?

Well, if the whole firing squad missed him,

where did all the bullets go?

♪ They didn't shoot Agarn ♪

♪ No, that wasn't his fate ♪

♪ 'Cause no one in F Troop ♪

♪ Ever learned to Shoot straight ♪

Captain, Delaney's in prison, right?

That's right, corporal.

And Major Hewitt is back in Washington, right?

I put him on a stage myself.

And all the troopers are back on duty patching the water tank.

And we three are here talking, right?

Yeah. Well, what are you getting at?

Well, who's doing all the singing?

♪ Things happen at F Troop ♪

♪ That you wouldn't believe ♪

What are you doing there?

Hey, you're singing on government property.

Come on, come on, come on. Scat, scat.

♪ So farewell to Fort Courage ♪

♪ Now I think I should leave ♪